The Disharmony of eHarmony – Part Two

At long last, the follow-up to my journey into eHarmony. So when last we visited this topic, I was just beginning question and answer sessions with the eight remaining candidates for Potential Significant Other (PSO). Five were in the Dallas/Ft Worth area, two in Houston and one in Arkansas. Each met my height requirement, claimed to be gainfully employed and had enough education to fill out a one page survey with no typos or glaring syntax errors. Or so I thought... read on!

For those of you who have not experienced the joys of the eHarmony site, each person is allowed to customize their questions (to a point). You can choose five from a list of twenty or so multiple choice questions to ask your match in hopes of getting to know them and how they think. Now, like any good testing system, these questions can be skewed. I always pick my questions knowing either what the "correct" answers should be or the absolute "wrong" one. Likewise, I recognize when I am asked "trap" questions. Let me show you what I'm talking about: ("repurposed" from eHarmony)

1. Which of the following things would you rather have lots of?

A) Fame
B) Money
C) Power
D) Respect
E) Left Blank For Write-In answer

This is a red flag set-up question from OneChele straight to Mr. Bachelor. If you say fame or power, you are automatically off my radar. (lost one candidate there) If you say money, I'm going to need some follow-up and review. Money is important but shouldn't be that which drives you (or me that matter). D) Respect is a great answer. The best write-in answer I received was E) Wisdom – with that I can garner the others and so much more. Ding, ding, ding – we have a winner!

My answer is E) Blessings from above

2. When in a relationship, how much personal space do you generally find you need?

A) I don't have a great need for "personal space". I like lots of together time.
B) I find my time spent working is enough personal time, the rest I like to spend with my partner.
C) As long as I can get one night a week to myself, my personal space needs are met.
D) When I'm with my partner I'm completely there, but I do need considerable time for personal reflection.
E) Left Blank For Write-In answer

This is a test question from OneChele. Those lovey-dovey, need-ya, can't-breathe-without-ya, baby-don't-leave-me, ten-phone-calls-a-day days from my 20s are long gone. Back up off a sister for a minute. On the flip side, if you are so often MIA that I long to insert a GPS chip in your right hip and remote activate the video function on your cell phone then we have a problem (no CyberStalkers, I don't know if it's actually possible to do those things). So answers B) and C) work for me or again, a clever write in answer. One candidate fell out for his typing brilliance (exact wording and spelling so you feel the full flavor): E) Because I have ben cheated on before, I kneed to no where my baby girl is at all times. I need to be number one in hur world as she wuld be number 1 in mind.
eHarmony asks: Would you like to close communication with (name)? OneChele hits CLICK!

My answer would be C.

(If you are keeping track, we are now down to 6 in the possibility camp.)

3. If you could take a dream getaway, where would you most likely choose to spend a week?

A) Paris
B) Hawaii
C) hiking in the mountains
D) a cottage by the sea
E) Left Blank For Write-In answer

This is just for curiosity's sake. I would love for them to re-word this question so it says, "Where would you most likely choose to spend a week and pay for it, yourself, out of pocket, no help from your vacation-mate." Anyway, I'm good for all but the hike. Mountains look better from a distance or in a picture. Hey now, before you get to judging… understand that I am top heavy with tiny ankles, gravity-defying activities are not for me. No skating, stair-mastering, surfing, rock climbing, boarding/skiing (snow or surf); no sir. But I digress – Only had one CLICK!-worthy answer. One guy responded that he liked "travelling to furway places to experience new cultures and exzytic quezinnes." It took a day and a half to figure out that he meant faraway places and exotic cuisines. Come on now, how can anyone blame that on keyboard finger-slippage? I was going to let "furway and exzytic" slide but I actually had to ask BougieMom if there was such a thing as quizziness? Like being too quizzy? I don't know, ya'll… I really tried. CLICK!

My answer would be a write-in: E) Bali.

4. How often do you find yourself laughing?

A) I crack myself up!
B) I try to laugh all the time and get serious only when it's needed.
C) Most of my time is spent being serious but I like an occasional good laugh.
D) I'm generally a pretty serious person.
E) Left Blank For Write-In answer

This is an important one. I once asked married couples who had been together for over 20 years and still liked each other (all 2 of them… just joking!) what kept them together. Everyone said something different but there were three things in common: commitment to making it work, emphasis on communication and the ability to laugh with and at each other. So A), B) or C) are the great. D) is not going to work and of course, there's always the write-in answer. Thankfully, even though I received a few write-ins, none were CLICK!-worthy.

My answer is a write-in E) I can't think of a single day when I don't spend a lot it laughing. Serious as needed only.

5. Which of the following scenarios would make you more nervous?

A) making a presentation to 500 people
B) a long car ride with a person you just met
C) talking about your deepest fears with your lover
D) meeting with the president of the company you work for
E) Left Blank For Write-In answer

Now this is the OneChele analysis question. If you answer A) you're fine, public speaking is one of the most common fears out there. Answer B) and I wonder – what are you doing in a car for hours with someone you just met? But it's not enough to get you CLICK!'d. Answer C) and we need follow-up. I'm not asking that we discuss childhood traumas over cereal every morning but the thought of sharing that level of intimacy with someone you are supposedly already intimate with shouldn't make you break out in a cold sweat. Answer D) is fine, doesn't make you brave but fine. The most testosterone-laced write-in answer I received was: E) None of the above, I don't get nervous unless it's a life or death situation. People should man up more. Alrighty then, worthy of further review.

My answer is E) First dates with strangers I meet on eHarmony

So in re-cap we are now down to five. Three in Dallas, one in Houston and one in Arkansas. From the gentlemen I received mostly the same questions with the two following "traps."

1. How do you feel about relocating for a relationship?

A) If I met the right person, I would do whatever I needed to do to move and be with them.
B) I would not want to move...but if it were the only way to be together I would do it.
C) I would not be able to move under any circumstances.
D) For the right person, it's worth a discussion
E) Left Blank For Write-In answer

Fellas, I was born at night but not last night. My answer is D). Let's get through all the getting to know you yada-yda before I pack a bag. I would have hit CLICK! a lot earlier if I wasn't okay with where you lived (shout out to Mr. Guam).

2. What are your body-type preferences for your mate?

A) Thin and very lean
B) Muscular and athletic
C) Average - height and weight proportionate
D) Larger than average
E) Left Blank For Write-In answer

If I say anything but E) What is inside matters far more to me than what is outside; I'm revealing more than I want to at this stage plus seeming downright shallow. I don't know enough other things about you to know if I can overlook the fact that you are 4'9" in both height and width J. But it does make me wonder, why are you asking?

And so our next step is open questioning, where we send 3 to 5 questions and the person has to freeform their answer (no multiple choice). And that's where I'll pick up in Part Three.

So, go ahead and tell me – I'm too strict? Too lenient? What would your "knock-out" or "trap" question be?