Friday, November 22, 2013

ITOFTS: When keeping it #Scandal goes wrong

*ITOFTS = I'm too old for this shiggity! And if you haven't watched last night's Scandal, quit reading!!

1:37am phone rings. I think I'm dreaming so I turn over.

1:39am phone rings again. I drank one glass of wine too many during #Scandal so I was in a deep, sound (there might have been snoring) sleep. Plus, the temperature dropped from seventy to thirty something so I was hibernating under the covers like a bear in winter time. By the time I got one hand free, the phone stopped ringing.

1:41am phone ring one mo' good time. Dammit. It MUST be an emergency, right? I yank it off the charger, press the ON button and mutter, "What?"

"So if I bought you a house would you come back?" Apparently, Dude had watched this:



 

I don't even open an eye. "Who is this?" I knew but I was testy.

"You know who it is. If I bought a house where you wanted and fixed it up exactly how you wanted, would that work?"

"Work for what?"

"Would that be what you need to see to come back, give me another shot?"

"You think you know me well enough to buy me the exact house of my dreams or might you assume, as you've done on other occasions, that you know better and do the exact wrong damn thing? And after I accept the house, I'm supposed to live there with you and suddenly we'll just live happily ever after like a damn fairy tale? I'm not Cinderella, you're no Prince Charming."

"I woke you up huh."

"Basically."

"But if I got it right and it wasn't 2 in the morning, would it work?"

"Was that your first episode of Scandal?"

"Yes. But that stuff he said about the dream was deep."

"And fiction. Dreams are dreams. Let me say this, you're no Fitz and I'm no Olivia. We don't have that climb every mountain, cross every sea kinda love. I don't embrace drama and I don't think love has to be crazy to be real. So... No. A house wouldn't work."

"I'm downloading Season One."

"Happy watching." CLICK. Flung phone across room mumbling, "Trifling Negreaux watches one episode of Scandal and thinks he's unlocked the secrets of the female psyche. Jesus be some sense and some call block." I was back to sleep as soon as I turned over.

My life, your entertainment. Say it with me now: I'm too old for this shiggity.

24 comments:

One Chele said...

Soooooo I'm just gonna ask the question the rest of the class was wondering...who was the caller? I have my theories.


And you're so much nicer than me, anybody calling my phone at 2AM would have gotten a sleepy curse out. He could have saved that until the morning.

One Chele said...

IF YOUR HOUSE IS NOT ON FIRE AND BANKS AREN'T OPEN - DO. NOT. CALL.
what in the entire hell is dude's problem doe? LIKE REALLY? DOES HE KNOW YOU/HAVE ANY COMMON SENSE?

sorry for the yelling. lemme go make some tea.

One Chele said...

No. He's doing it wrong.

One Chele said...

Who are these people that keep taking this fiction to another level?!?!?! I am a HUGE Scandal fan and all of that, but at the end of the show, I finish tweeting and tuck in. Maybe even discuss it the next day, but it ain't a blueprint on life.


Some folks need to get a grip and repeat. It. Is. Only. Entertainment. So sorry you had to experience 2 am shiggityness, Chele.

One Chele said...

Great blog...now my question is who else besides me was pissed the she devil was in harrison's bed?

One Chele said...

*jaw dropped - mouth wide open*

He thought the perfect house would negate any other relationship hurdles, huh?

I see.

This magical thinking that's out in these streets...

One Chele said...

What in the...


Who does th-...


Why would you...


You know what? I'm unable to can. Word to Luvvie.


Whatever happened to folks just doing stuff in a way that makes sense? What happened to acting right on the first go round instead of trying to double back and do the extra because you didn't have any act right initially. You know, act right is in abundance after the age of 22, so if you don't have any, that's your own dadgum decision.


Some folks like that bend over backwards, buy you a house, show you the dream thing but not me. I need you to have that mindset initially. I'm not saying buy me a house off the bat, I'm saying willing to do what you need to do to keep me around. Not doing what you need to do to get me back.

One Chele said...

My iphone has a setting that will ignore all calls at night. It includes the option to allow exceptions for certain people, so you won't be ignoring emergency calls from relatives and close friends. There's probably a similar program for Android phones.

One Chele said...

I'm going to send you the bill for my next asthma inhaler, because the laugh/cough fit this set off seriously made me reach for mine.



He thought that would *work*? And he had to find out if he was right at 2 o'clock in the morning?



... At least you gave him the right impression in your answer.

One Chele said...

I'm beginning to think they pull some of these stunts so she WILL write about it on the blog.

One Chele said...

Brothas need to quit thinking that dick is magical.
Even real estate wrapped dick.
Not magical panacea.
Hmpfh I'll let myself out.

One Chele said...

<---Tried desperately not to fall off my chair while having a fit of hysterical laughter, but I failed miserably and I damn near died twice.

One Chele said...

Ma'am... *giggles*
I know, I know.

One Chele said...

Now that's a thought...

One Chele said...

Can't stand you!

One Chele said...

"What happened to acting right on the first go round instead of trying to
double back and do the extra because you didn't have any act right
initially."....Yeah what happened to that???

One Chele said...

"real estate wrapped dick"??? Bwahahahahaha!!! It might get you a few good rounds of asthma induced sex, but a do-over? Not so much. *thinks of ex's that could get a do-over if they built a house for me* Naw, and some wouldn't even get another cup of cocoa! *follows Grace out*

One Chele said...

He tried it! Chele I'll say it again, you're too damn nice!

One Chele said...

I saw that coming in a couply of looks earlier.

One Chele said...

That.Was.Hard.To.Watch.

One Chele said...

"Real Estate wrapped dick"? Only in Bougieland...

One Chele said...

1) As my daughter said, Olitz is starting to get on my nerves.
2) How does Olivia's mama escape, breath outside air for the first time in years and show up outside her place in about 30 seconds?
3) Quin needs to just go on and tell Huck what he wants to know. My prediction: pain *Mr. T voice.

One Chele said...

Heck, if I've called it a night nobody's calls get answered, family or otherwise. Leave a message at the sound of the beep. When Ambien lets me wake up tomorrow, I'll call you back, LOL.

One Chele said...

I, for one, think the Thanksgiving Struggle Plates will be a gas.

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