Tuesday, February 12, 2013

You might be in a relationship if...


Yesterday someone joked in the comments section that we should define what a relationship is. I found it amusing until I received emails with people sharing their stories and then asking "is this a relationship?" My first reaction is to say that if you have to ask... you probably are not. My second reaction is to say - I'm not sure I can define your relationship for you. But here's five quick ways to tell if what you've got is a romantic relationship... off the top of my mind:

1) Are there strong feelings beyond casual fondness that have been declared, reciprocated and acted on by both parties? 

2) Do you want to spend quality time with this person and they with you? Do you both make an effort to? This means doing things that you both enjoy and the experience is enhanced because you are together. 

3) Do you communicate with each other on more than a physical level, regularly?

4) Are you intimate? No, not the cocoa. Have you BOTH shared things (more than a toothbrush) with each other? Personal, middle of the night, 2 shots of tequila confessional type things. Do you often know what they are going to say or think before it's said or happened? 

5) Do you both talk about the future? As in the one you have together, beyond next week or next month.

If you answered yes to three or more of these, you just might be in a relationship. On the flip side, in response to the emails... No to the following:

1) He sees me everyday! 
I see my UPS guy everyday, we are not in love.

2) We stir the cocoa all the time. 
If all your activities can be replaced by battery operated appliances, it's not a relationship. That's a smash habit.

3) But I met his mother! 
Congrats... where, when and in what context? How did he introduce you? I need more intel.

4) I leave things at his house, and he lets me! 
Um, hmm. I left my purple laptop mouse in the waiting room of a hospital in Florida. What does that mean? Nothing.

5) She gets jealous. 
I get jealous of Beyonce's hair. I don't want to date her stylist.

Honorable mention to #6 - "She brings my favorite coffee every morning and  I buy her afternoon snack. We talk and laugh together at work all the time." Okay, that's cute. Ya'll are work flirts. Any after hours beverage sipping? If that's all ya got, nah son. Don't go ring shopping quite yet.

But really, you know what the easiest way to find out if you are in a relationship is? Ask. Listen to the answer. Maybe it's a friendship. Maybe there's a kinship. A mentorship. Something more, something less. Assume nothing. Ask and act accordingly. There it is.

BougieLand, any to add to the yes or no list? Thoughts. comments, insights? Please help these folks.

17 comments:

GrownAzzMan said...

"But really, you know what the easiest way to find out if you are in a relationship is? Ask. Listen to the answer. Maybe it's a friendship. Maybe there's a kinship. A mentorship. Something more, something less. Assume nothing. Ask and act accordingly. There it is."


↑ Thus endeth the lesson...

CaliGirlED said...

"2) We stir the cocoa all the time.
If all your activities can be replaced by battery operated appliances, it's not a relationship. That's a smash habit."...Time of death 8:00am!


Ask AND listen to the answer!!! (listen: to hear something with thoughtful attention : give consideration)

Lady Ngo said...

Its always been my stance that its not a relationship until both parties have agreed that it is one. One person can't decide that it is a relationship but one person can for darn sure decide that it isn't one. We see that scenario play out everyday.

blackprofessor said...

My take has always been that a relationship exists after both people discuss and agree to be exclusive to each other. Anything other than that is hanging out.

thinklikeRiley said...

*prints, make 100 copies, hands out on street corner*

CaliGirlED said...

Food for thought. Factor of least interest: The person least interested in maintaining the relationship will dominate it because they will not compromise. The other will make all the sacrifices necessary.

GrownAzzMan said...

Better make it a thousand.

Mina B. said...

Are ya'll telling me that him letting me hold the remote does not mean we officially go together? It's the remote!


:P

CaliGirlED said...

Hmmm you may be on to something!

daisy said...

I've never understood how people can "assume" they are in a relationship. And why they are afraid to ask the hard questions. I'd rather know where I stand.

Mo said...

I guess this means I'm not in a relationship with Maxwell or Idris. *re-reads the list again* *kicks empty cup* Both parties have to agree to a relationship for one to exist.

TypeALady said...

How about two?

Boo said...

This is all 'common-sensical' and whatnot AND I don't care how many
copies you hand out on the street corner... In my mind, you
and I are in a very serious relationship! :)

CaliGirlED said...

DEAD!!!

blackprofessor said...

I died after Caligirl since Idris and I have a relationship that exists in my head.

Whitney said...

I'm amazed that people don't know the difference between a relationship or when it's just casual. If you have to ask someone else that isn't in the relationship, then you have issues. Just ask, the truth will set you free. Then again, some people won't even believe the truth.

JaymeC said...

You would think people know this stuff. I give a quiz to all my newbies to counseling - what kind of relationship do you have. I list all the things Chele put on the Yes and No list above - only 3 out 10 get it right.

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