Yesterday someone joked in the comments section that we should define what a relationship is. I found it amusing until I received emails with people sharing their stories and then asking "is this a relationship?" My first reaction is to say that if you have to ask... you probably are not. My second reaction is to say - I'm not sure I can define your relationship for you. But here's five quick ways to tell if what you've got is a romantic relationship... off the top of my mind:
1) Are there strong feelings beyond casual fondness that have been declared, reciprocated and acted on by both parties?
2) Do you want to spend quality time with this person and they with you? Do you both make an effort to? This means doing things that you both enjoy and the experience is enhanced because you are together.
3) Do you communicate with each other on more than a physical level, regularly?
4) Are you intimate? No, not the cocoa. Have you BOTH shared things (more than a toothbrush) with each other? Personal, middle of the night, 2 shots of tequila confessional type things. Do you often know what they are going to say or think before it's said or happened?
5) Do you both talk about the future? As in the one you have together, beyond next week or next month.
If you answered yes to three or more of these, you just might be in a relationship. On the flip side, in response to the emails... No to the following:
1) He sees me everyday!
I see my UPS guy everyday, we are not in love.
2) We stir the cocoa all the time.
If all your activities can be replaced by battery operated appliances, it's not a relationship. That's a smash habit.
3) But I met his mother!
Congrats... where, when and in what context? How did he introduce you? I need more intel.
4) I leave things at his house, and he lets me!
Um, hmm. I left my purple laptop mouse in the waiting room of a hospital in Florida. What does that mean? Nothing.
5) She gets jealous.
I get jealous of Beyonce's hair. I don't want to date her stylist.
Honorable mention to #6 - "She brings my favorite coffee every morning and I buy her afternoon snack. We talk and laugh together at work all the time." Okay, that's cute. Ya'll are work flirts. Any after hours beverage sipping? If that's all ya got, nah son. Don't go ring shopping quite yet.
But really, you know what the easiest way to find out if you are in a relationship is? Ask. Listen to the answer. Maybe it's a friendship. Maybe there's a kinship. A mentorship. Something more, something less. Assume nothing. Ask and act accordingly. There it is.
BougieLand, any to add to the yes or no list? Thoughts. comments, insights? Please help these folks.