I met Jayme and a friend of hers that we'll call Terry for cocktails one day last week. Jayme has shared many a story about Terry over the years. Terry has been married three times and in between her marriages, she has what she refers to as "sponsors" - yes, you read that right. Terry, a drop dead gorgeous 52 year old woman who looks not a day over thirty refers to her male companions as sponsors.
When we met, she laughed and said she was so pleased to meet the other side of the coin. I asked her what she meant. She said that she was Jayme's over-the-top outrageous not-to-be-redeemed friend and I was the saintly one. Hearing this caused me to choke on my Godiva martini. Never in any of my years of living had I been referred to as saintly. And deservedly not.
I started to protest and she shut me down. She didn't say it to be mean, she explained. It was just that compared to the life she had chosen and the way she conducted herself, I was a bit of a goody two shoes.
I didn't like that any better. My problem, she went on to explain, was that I did not believe in maximizing my p**** power. I had to set the martini glass down.
"I didn't realize I had a problem."
"Do you work to pay your own bills?"
"You're doing it wrong. A woman who looks like you or even a facsimile of you should never pay her own bills. That is what men are for."
Mouth dropped open. "Oh."
"You only sleep with men that you're in love with or think you might be in love with."
I scanned my mental "did and done" list to see if she was correct but she interrupted my thinking.
"It's great to be in love, it really is. But it's better to love what a man can do for you. All this independent woman stuff is great but it's easier to be independent with someone else's money in the bank. As a woman, all you need is for a man to be so into how you make him feel that he'll give you the world to keep feeling like that. Once he gives you the world, it's yours. That's p**** power."
I had to play that back in my mind. I squinted. How did that work?
Jayme shook her head, "I've known Terry for forty years and no matter how many times I explain that her theory is lacking in moral fiber and she's setting the sisterhood back, she soldiers on."
Terry rolled her eyes. "Did you two just get back from the Maldives? Are you two headed to Monaco next week? Am I the only one who hasn't checked her voicemail or email since we've been here? And before you say it, yes - I have a man waiting for me to get home tonight. I'm telling you sister, you're doing it wrong."
"May I be frank?" I asked.
"Sure girl. Whatever."
"Sounds a little bit like high-class hoedom."
"Only if you choose to see it that way. I'm in a relationship with someone I care about who cares for me. Part of him caring for me is providing for me. What's wrong with that? In fact, it's not that different from what you do. You date men of means, you expect certain things from them. You just legitimize yours by putting a love stamp on it. "
I opened my mouth and shut it. Jayme patted my hand. "She has the uncanny ability to make you doubt yourself and wonder if she hasn't stumbled onto something. To which I say, it takes a certain kind of person to do what she does. It's not for everybody."
After that we chatted about nonsense for a while and then went our separate ways. I thought about it. I really did. Could I become the sort of person who bartered relationships for goods, services, bank accounts and vacations? Could I be the person who handed someone my bills and expected them to get paid, just cause? Am I really doing it wrong?
Don't get me wrong, I do not hate the idea of someone else cutting checks for all of this bougie wonderland I've got going over here. But the minute they expect or ask me to do something I don't care to in exchange for that? It's a wrap. I believe for now, I'll keep my p-power on mid-range rather than full stun... O__o
BougieLand, what say you? Fellas, could/would/have you entered into a strictly pay for play relationship? Ladies, could/should/would you do it? And feel okay it? Why or why not?