Wednesday, February 13, 2013

Lessons Learned from #Scandal - Love hurts but...

I've already admitted my obsession with the TV show, Scandal. So why not turn that into something useful? Like a new BnB series - Lessons Learned from Scandal. Today, let's talk about that quote Olivia dropped on Edison last week (seen above). The beauty of this is that even if you don't watch the show, you can read that quote and cringe right along with the rest of us.

The quote sent me into a momentary tailspin of self-reflection - was this my problem? Do I only love love if it's dramatical, mystical and magical and fraught with tension? For a moment, I thought yes and then slowly I swung back the other way... no. In fact, hell no. (remember Dude formerly Known as New and how he was ousted from the island due to what? DRAMA!)

The truth of the matter is - yes, love does hurt. It can grab you in the gut and twist you into pretzel shapes, chew you up and spit you out. This is true. But it should not torture you to death's door, have you peering over the edge into Lucifer's living room before snatching you back with a maniacal giggle. That's doing too much.

For a love to be extraordinary, it doesn't have to be a roller coaster ride, or at least not a death-defying one for criminy's sake. Olivia can have that constant love struggle. I do not want. My lesson learned from that quote - love means different things to different people. For Olivia, she appears to like her relationships on raging inferno status with no extinguisher in sight.

Now, had she said that she didn't want an easy-like-Sunday-Morning, dull-as-a-dishwater, comfortable-as-an-old shoe kind of love - that I understand. And no, fellas - please don't make this another argument for the "women only want thugs" or "nice guys finish last" memes. Women want chemistry. Whether it's wearing a leather jacket or a sweater vest. <~~ don't come at me for sweater vest bias. 

Not saying I don't want the relationship to be easy, but I prefer the take-my-breath-away, sparks-fly-when-our-eyes-meet, you-are-totally-feeling-me kind of love... that eventually feels like Sunday morning. I like my coffee strong, my food spicy and a little extra je-ne-sais-quoi in my love life. Not that steal-a-country, snuff-out-a-Supreme-Court-justice level of drama... I'm not here for that. Just want my breath to quicken and my eyes to light up when That Guy enters the room. If I'm rolling my eyes thinking, "Here he come again." It's not going to work out. 

So I wonder BougieLand - Are we drama/adrenaline junkies in our love lives? Do we only feel like it's love if it's some all-consuming orchestra music swelling to a crescendo maelstrom of emotion? Does love have to be extraordinary for us to accept it? Can you have "true" love without the chemistry? Can a love that's just easy work just as well? Do discuss...

51 comments:

Moni said...

I think chemistry is necessary for "true" love. However, I think that there are different types of chemistry. Not all chemistry is the "my heart beats faster when I hear his voice" variety, at least not all the time. Sometimes it's the quieter "I smile when I see him and am happier when he's around" type. I think too many of us miss out on real love because we're looking for romance novel love (no shade, obviously).



This is not about "nice" or "bad" guys, but about lids and pots. I'm sure there are plenty of women out there who would find Edison exciting! Olivia just isn't one of them. He needs to find a woman who finds him exciting, not try to convince Olivia that she wants what she finds boring.

thinklikeRiley said...

*looks around* One of the first to comment? I'm going IN!
Sorry ladies, but I think this is the problem with a few of the sistahs - ya want all dez mountaintop ass moments when sometimes it's just a walk in the damn park. Can we walk?
Don't let a fictional chick get you twisted. You gotta a good man who do you right, nan drama - lock him down.

Just sayin'
Edison is dull as instant pudding mix but his ass be there when you get up in da mornin' ev'ry day. I can't e'en front - Edison brings no parts of sexy. But find an Edison with some bed game and dat's your dude.

CaliGirlED said...

But he was such a nice guy why didn't you like him?


"I'm sure there are plenty of women out there who would find Edison exciting! Olivia just isn't one of them. He needs to find a woman who finds him exciting, not try to convince Olivia that she wants what she finds boring."....Great answer to the above question.

OneChele said...

Great comment. Like I said last week during the show. It's not that Edison isn't a good guy. Just not good for her. The heart wants what the heart wants and hers seems to long for the unattainable.

TrulyPC said...

I am not an adrenaline junkie at all. I like adventure but that does not include me being strapped to a bungee cord hoping that it won't snap. A relationship has to have chemistry and to me an extraordinary love is not immediate, it is a loving and effort-driven investment.

Grace said...

I'm guilty of looking for the inferno when I've already found a spark. Lesson learned indeed.

Carey Jackson said...

I'll take easy and uncomplicated for $1000, Alex.
But I do need the chemistry.

Carey Jackson said...

When is it a walk in the park though? Please introduce me to that walk in the park guy and I'm there.

SingLikeSassy said...

First, I've never been there for Olivia and Fitz. I'm not moved by all that hunching they do on the screen that seems to set other people's hearts afluttering. I ain't never going to co-sign on an adulterous relationship.

As for your question(s), I married my friend. He made me laugh, he made me feel loved and cared about -- I married him. Turns out, he didn't want his wife to be his friend, he wanted that Olivia/Fitz foolishness and now we aren't together.

But me? I hate all those nervous feelings and butterflies etc. Hate. I hate all that tempestuous stuff. I want somebody I can trust and depend on who will keep the lights on and snuggle up to me when it's cold and remember that I can't drink caffeine after 3 p.m. or I won't be able to go to sleep and kisses me when I am chattering non-stop because I drank caffeine. Anything else is just, as my Grandma says, britches.

CaliGirlED said...

Olivia Pope (as some women in real life) is damaged and only feels alive in damaging situations and relationships. She may not even feel worthy of a good relationship with a "good" man. At the same time Edison is trying to be Captain-Save-A-O and is determined to get and fix her. Both are lost in their own problems and neither is really good for the other.

BB Waite said...

I don't mind being swept off my feet as long as all is good when we get knocked on our behinds. And we will. that's how life is.



As for you, Chele - you do like strong emotions but you always temper it with your brain. You are not one to let your heart rule your head and you are quick to put a foot down to stomp out some foolishness. It is true that drama tends to follow you like baby ducks to the pond but you've gotten pretty good at extricating yourself when it gets too thick.


My grandma's wisdom - Love can start out like a tidal wave but should end up like a gentle wave lapping against the shore.



Take it as you will. It's worked for me. :-)

Moni said...

I completely agree with your comment, especially the first paragraph. I have seen too much damage cause by adultery to support even a fictional affair. I was practically cheering at the scene between Fitz and Mellie at the end of the last episode!

CaliGirlED said...

That being said I want extraordinary life-changing love. All that other stuff y'all can have. There must be chemistry, we must like each other, eyes need to light up and mouths need to curve up, we should have fun when together and share our experiences when apart, walk in the park or jet set from here to there, enjoy the mountain tops and endure the valley lows, know when to hold 'em when to fold'em when to walk away when to run....nothing more nothing less.

Jason P said...

Yeah uh - I don't need to be kicked in the nuts by love to know it's real. Thanks though.
Edison just kept going back even after admitting he'd given her a ring twice. Dude. She don't want you, please move on.

blackprofessor said...

I gotta disagree with finding an Edison with bed game! Even great sex gets old and then what do you have?

Rob said...

The best is when you get all of the emotion - none of the drama. That's a win.

blackprofessor said...

I literally shook my head when I heard those words! I am all for extraordinary and life-changing love but not all that other stuff.

The best combination for me is chemistry tempered by friendship. This combination ensures that neither my head or heart rules but that there is mutual negotiation.

Velinda Evans said...

Miss me with the drama, I had two drama filled marriages and left both of them. I will settle for easy like Sunday morning love. I want my lover to be my best friend, I need chemistry, spark, sizzle and spice. I like being able to think it and he says it. I like to do like the military and KISS, Keep it simple stupid. Right now I have a beau that's easy to be with, we understand each other, we share a lot of the same interest, we have the same moral code and familial upbringing. He's book and street smart with just enough edge to make me feel safe and make others not mess with him but enough softness for everyone to respect him and not be afraid. I believe in the adage that "true love will stand the test of time" well it's been 12 years and I love him more now then when I met him 12 years ago.


Love means different things to different people, for me it's patient, kind, supportive, protective and full of friendship and companionship, it reminds me of my father, if it doesn't remind me of my Daddy then it's not love. I have some friends that love is money, power and respect others that it's ride or die. I like easy like Sunday morning, reminiscent of grandma and grandpa on the porch sipping lemonade, holding hands and watching the sun go down, give me that anytime.

Bailey said...

It's when I read posts like this that I remember you are a writer. "peering over the edge into Lucifer's living room before snatching you back with a maniacal giggle" Ha!

Anyway, it's funny. I do normal and easy and simple. But the guys I meet seem to expect drama or vijazzling or for me to tap dance in a thong to catch and keep their affection - not gonna happen. Yes, clearly I'm meeting the wrong guys but I've found more guys wanting/expecting fireworks than women.

Brownbelle said...

Co-sign! I only get butterflies when I'm nervous, don't know how he feels about me, or whether he's worthy of my trust. My fiance doesn't give me butterflies and for me that's a great sign!

Velinda Evans said...

With the right person I must agree with Riley that it can be a walk in the park, now will there be stray dogs, pooping pigeons and begging drunkards? Yes there will but the two of you will get through the side show drama and laugh about it later.

Velinda Evans said...

All this, all day, yes glory yes!!! PREACH, CHURCH, TABERNACLE!!!

CaliGirlED said...

*sighs* Yes they do.

Oshh said...

ITA!

Earthangel172 said...

That first paragraph is everything!

Cheryl T. said...

Chemistry is a must & what that is, is determined by each individual.

Edison, though may be a good guy, but clueless at reading signs. You should realize if that chemistry is a two way street.

Cheryl T. said...

Chemistry is a must & what that is, is determined by each individual.

Edison, though may be a good guy, but clueless at reading signs. You should realize if that chemistry is a two way street.

Velinda Evans said...

Damn, tap dance in a thong? That's crazy. You're killing me over here

Angela said...

I need passion and I need peace!

"Not saying I don't want the relationship to be easy, but I prefer the take-my-breath-away, sparks-fly-when-our-eyes-meet, you-are-totally-feeling-me kind of love... that eventually feels like Sunday morning. I like my coffee strong, my food spicy and a little extra je-ne-sais-quoi in my love life." Exactly!

GrownAzzMan said...

I want that too. Nothing less. Otherwise I will just chill at home with the big screen and the remote.

GrownAzzMan said...

I am already on record on facebook and the twittuh about how folks would not be here for Liv and Fitz if the genders were reversed. Moving on... I need fire AND calm. I need what CaliGirl said below...

Earthangel172 said...

I'm not a drama junkie in the least. However, true love for me requires chemistry and passion until we get find our groove. Obviously, this is not an exhaustive list but sprinkle in some verbal/non-verbal communication coupled with understanding and loyalty and I'm good. I would get excited whenever I saw my ex-bf so I do want a man who excites me when I see him too. #TeamSundayMorning

M Dot said...

I'm not into Scandal at all...I watched a few eps out of curiosity but being in the public affairs field I find the politically-related scenes somewhat preposterous. That being said, I am here for any of real-life Kerry Washington's consolation needs.

I like adrenaline in certain situations; I want excitement but not the bail you out/my baby's father is crazy excitement...I want some sparks - I need to feel something when I see you walk by in a Gregory Abbott (or Foxy brown remake) Gotta Get You Home kind of way. I need someone that understands what I mean by a Florida Evans throw the punch bowl moment.

Must be intellectually curious and have a sense of humor. A woman with goals that will make me better and not co-sign to everything I do. Walk with me, but make me run if I'm slacking or not living up to my potential.

tiffanyinhouston said...

Bands a make Bailey dance?? Don't worry, I'll see my self out. *slams door*

CaliGirlED said...

*hollers*

CaliGirlED said...

That's my life right now GAM and I'm cool with that. Because if the alternative is to not have all that, I don't want it. All of it! Because when you have all of it, enduring the valley lows is doable. As a few folks in here who are happily married, but at times want to choke the daylights out of their spouses, can attest to.

GuessImJay said...

In the beginning, it's all chemistry and vibe. At least for me. It's what comes after all of that that intrigued me more. Since we've been on bacon lately, I'll share my aunt's saying - with bacon, you like the sizzle but you love the meat.

Shondriette said...

"But it should not torture you to death's door, have you peering over the edge into Lucifer's living room before snatching you back with a maniacal giggle. " This is possibly the best sentence ever written. #ThatIsAll

Mo said...

I want all these and, if can come with Roman empire, that would be icing on the cake.

Mo said...

Reading this post reminded me of Paulo Coelho's book " By the River Piedra I Sat Down & Wept."
I like chemistry, a level of easiness that can just be expressed in body language. Can't do that over the top drama. Something about my ex bf always brought joy out of me, even little things like seeing his missed calls on my caller ID. He was goofy too. I don't know what went wrong. Le Sigh!

Whitney said...

I want chemistry, companionship and compassion with my husband, and since we are both in our 50's, that includes our past, so there's some drama. The drama isn't a problem, it just comes with the territory. Hell, we have our own drama, don't let us get mad at each other, but I love him and respect our marriage. Olivia is so consumed by her career, that an affair with Prez was convenient and even though she yearns for him, she knows that it's a restricted relationship.

C Nelson said...

I dunno, there's life-changing and life-changing. I'll take mine in the normal variety -- the kind where you hop a plane, wind up doing jobs that weren't in your career progression plan, and talk babies before buying a house. But the relationship itself has to be solid, steady, and drama-lite if not drama-free. Are you doing all that life-changing *together*, or is it just the relationship tying each of you in separate knots? There's a difference.

Earthangel172 said...

Get out of my head! I tweeted a quote from Paulo Coelho today by way of Patia Braithwaite's blog.

GrownAzzMan said...

Hands off Kerry! LOL

Bailey said...

*snorts*

Rae Miller said...

I'm here for the dramaless chemistry. I hate how "love" turns a smart got it going on woman into a sniveling pitiful shell. I see it in Olivia Pope and my next door neighbor. She too is waiting for the love of her life to leave his wife and kids.

sol_dier said...

I have yet to meet a guy with whom a walk is just a walk. I'm a geek, I've dated boring geek guys like edison. The ones I've dated are fine initially, after the honeymoon period they are a nightmare!.

I don't want drama, I want passion. I don't want boring, I want mutual interests.
And yes I want moments, lets make'em. I want to make them for you and I want them for me too.
I wouldn't chose Edison and I wouldn't chose Fitz either.

sol_dier said...

1) A boring man who doesn't respect your boundaries
2) Has no qualms acting like he knows your entire being when he doesn't.
3) Calls you out your name just to score a point
4) Tell you to your face : if you are in danger he will not be there for you, but he will activelt participate in your condemnation

5) A good on paper dude who thinks he deserves you because he is good on paper.

blackprofessor said...

Exactly soldier!

Bougie Girl said...

I feel as though passion begins with the individual. It's something that you have to bring to the table in the first place. So many of us seek passion outside of ourselves via dramatic relationships. But, the flame will eventually burn out and leave us only with cold ashes.

Drae said...

I must cosign on the complete statement especially the first paragraph. Fact is if they do it with you, what's to say they won't do it to you. If I gotta cheat and steal and lie to get you what's to say someone else that moves me when you dry up won't get the same selfishness I used to get you in the first place. Chemistry is good, but trust that the heart will lie to you; hence why we should not lead with our heart alone. Heart, mind, soul and spirit should line up for any real relationship. If one of these is out of wack then there might be a good reason why it is.

LinkWithin

Related Posts with Thumbnails