Thursday, February 07, 2013

It's not about the bacon, baby.

Not sure where this originated but it cracked me up.
disclaimer - this is not fiction. this mess actually happened. read on:

I was sitting in an airport coffee lounge not too long ago (don't ask me to be specific, I've been in 7 airports in the last 2 months). Next to me sat a youngish (mid-20s) looking couple with breakfast. Tight as the tables were, there's very little privacy. Consequently, when the couple looking like a Banana Republic ad come to life began to quarrel, I missed not nary a minute of it.
"Jonathon, you really should have gotten the granola and yogurt." The woman was eating a fruit cup and as she spoke, she waved her spoon around for emphasis.
"But I didn't want the granola and yogurt."
"It's better for you."
He paused and sent her a significant look. "So now you know what's better for me than I do? Really Susan?"
I immediately thought, "Girl, it's a trap question! Do. Not. Engage!" But I said nothing and Susan walked into the trap.
"Well in this case it is obvious so yes, I do know what's better for you."
"Uh huh." He picked up his bacon, egg and cheese bagel and took a huge bite.
She made a disgusted face and snapped. "Are you seriously going to eat that bacon?"
"Yep." He took another bite.
"Bacon is like the worst thing in the world, you'll be dead before you're 30."
"Bacon is one of the best things God invented."
"It's salty and fattening and you'll get fat when your metabolism slows down."
"My grandfather has eaten two eggs and three slices of bacon for breakfast for the past 40 years and he's fit as a fiddle."
"It's just like playing Russian Roulette with your health."
"I'll take my chances."
"That's just silly. Pull the bacon out of the sandwich and eat the rest."
Jonathon set down his sandwich slowly (it looked delicious by the way) and looked Susan dead in her eye before announcing, "It's what I want."
"You should have the discipline to know you can't always have what you want."
"That's it, I'm done."
"With the sandwich?"
"With us."
"What do you mean you're done? Like you're breaking up with me?"
"Not like I'm breaking up with you. I AM breaking up with you."
"Over bacon?"
"It's not about the bacon, baby. It's you always thinking you know how my life should be. Even down to what I should eat for breakfast."
She looked shell shocked. "It's my way of showing you I care."
"It's not working for me."
"I don't want to break up."
Ya'll already know what he said, right?
"You should have the discipline to know you can't always have what you want."
Dude walked off to eat his sandwich in peace. I was both fascinated and repelled. On the one hand, I'd never witnessed the actual break up of another couple. I've had enough of my own not to want to sit in on other folks' awkward "I'm outta here" moments. On the other hand, I was also irked that he went there in public. Dude, get through the plane ride and tell her when you land.

But then again, who knows how long it had been building up. That damn bacon was apparently the last straw. The bacon was the straw that broke that relationship's back. Now I don't know how long they were together and what there back story was. It's like a meteor strike. No one knows where it formed or how long it took to reach the earth's atmosphere. All we see is the impact and the fallout. Yes, BougieLand - I've now compared bacon to a meteor. Let me wrap this up.

It got me to thinking - do we know when we're approaching that bacon moment? Have we sat in relationships thinking "if he/she says one more damn thing about *insert issue here* - I'm outta here? Have we been the Susan, just positive we are doing what's best while the other person is ready to flee? Who do you empathize with? Susan or Jonathon? What's with the public break-up? Who has done this and why?

65 comments:

Jubi The Great said...

I pulled a Jonathon when my last relationship ended. We'd hit the last straw & it was very clear to me that he would never change, and that I couldn't live it with anymore. So I was done & said so & didn't look back. Susan actually should be ashamed of herself, nagging that man already. Would this be an example of not letting a man be a man? Like damn, the man can't even choose his own breakfast?

CaliGirlED said...

"It's not about the bacon baby."....Break ups are usually not about the argument at hand. And while Jon Jon may have been a bit chilly with the public declaration of it's over, Susan was given fair warning to cease and desist. She did not. Fail on her part. You can not continue to tap on someone's nerve continuously non-stop tapping on that same spot repeatedly without end persistently tapping tap tap tap and expect them to not BLOW UP! Yes right there at that inappropriate moment when you least expect it. Why didn't Susan see this coming? Because she was too busy tapping!


As a giver of a good side-eye, I know when I get one to stand down. Now I might have ended with a snappy remark, but the tapping would have definitely ceased! Besides, I don't do public arguing.

hairouna said...

"You should have the discipline to know you can't always have what you want." That's the sort of thing that you say to a child. If my SO said that or something similar to me I would be SALTY. I'm not surprised ole Jon bounced. I doubt this was the only thing she was controlling about.

Earthangel172 said...

Arguing with me in public will get you cut! LOL


However, I do understand Jonathan's
frustration with nagging ass Susan though. I don't want someone
controlling everything that I do, especially what I eat. Let the man
have his bacon.

I dated a man once who had body/weight issues and
he would try to project his insecurities on me. Needless to say, it was
over before it began.

Bailey said...

My last break up - the straw was a sock. One dirty sock sitting on the kitchen countertop. I snapped. Like Jon said, it wasn't really about the sock. It was what the sock represented - messy, unwilling to change and expecting me to always be the grown up. Get thee and thy dirty footwear gone.

thinklikeRiley said...

She mad at bacon?
She had to go.
#dealbreaker

Miz JJ said...

I think they both learned a lesson from that situation. He learned he doesn't want to be dating what I like to call "mean mommy", the woman who is constantly nagging and telling you what to do. She learned that nagging certain types of men will cause them to leave you. However, some women are socialized to believe that men are like children and you have to talk to them as such, which in this case caused the end of a relationship.

blackprofessor said...

My last break-up was over paint instead of bacon. He called himself painting a room for me and when I saw it, I was livid! His "effort" represented everything that was wrong with us being together and that was the end.



Susan needs to let grown folks be grown. Jon needs to speak up the first time someone inappropriately crosses his boundaries.


Acting crazy in public with me has been filed under "I wish a fool would."

GuessImJay said...

Whew - I remember these types of conversations from back in the day. Thing is, you don't get to that bacon moment overnight. Susan has probably been pushing the bacon boundaries for weeks before dude snapped. I'm not saying he was right, but I understand.

GrownAzzMan said...

#TeamJonathan It is amazing that sometimes you don't know until it is staring you right in the face. This has probably been bothering him since they first met. You think the good outweighs the bad and you can deal...until you can't

GrownAzzMan said...

Nice Chris Rock there...

sol_dier said...

Firstly, BIG APPLAUSE for that dude! (In a fantasy world, I would have bought him a second sandwich just for the heck of it. There are ways to show concern berating your partner in a public place over bacon is not it.

I'm with Jonathan all the way. That man must have been at his wits end!. I bet that was the best bacon sandwich he had!.

sol_dier said...

I don't think its about not letting a man be a man, cos it would be foul and out of placeif Jonathan had done it to Susan.
Its about control and being a bloody food nazi. When a grown up says this is what I want, leave them be, especially in public!

SingLikeSassy said...

If I had a choice between bacon and Susan I would have chosen bacon too. Susan sounds like a pill.

tiffanyinhouston said...

Why is he even dating someone who doesn't like bacon?? Bacon is love! She must have been an alien or a cyborg or some shit like that!! #TeamJohnathon

Just_A_Thought1218 said...

^^^ THIS. Bacon moments usually happen in relationships that aren't horrible, but just aren't good. And you don't want to be a jerk and toss out something that, for the most part, seems like a pretty good deal, but just isn't quite the right fit. You start looking for some "big" thing as the reason to cut ties, but there never is a big thing. Just a bunch of little things. Or one little things repeated constantly. And then one day that person hits that nerve for the last time and you have to bounce.

CaliGirlED said...

A dirty sock on the KITCHEN counter??? He needed a whooping WITH a belt for that one! And if his mama didn't teach him better, she needed one too! WTH???

daisy said...

The only thing I wonder is if he expressed his dissatisfaction at Susan's nagging before or if he never said anything and then all of a sudden erupted over breakfast. Can't fix what you don't know is broken.

Nandie said...

I don't eat pork, but I am here for Jonathan! She got exactly what was coming to her for choosing a public place to start pecking away at what he should or shouldn't do. Geez!

JaymeC said...

good point

JaymeC said...

I'm not for public displays of anything but just from the sound of it, Jonathon had reached his boiling point. It's unfortunate that instead of listening to him she just kept trying to nail her point home. By the time she told him to take the bacon off of the sandwich, I wish ready to break up with her too. Sheesh. Pick your battles, Susan.

md_KG said...

*scream laughs* I love BougieLand. We always create new lingo in every situation. I'm seeing bacon moments, bacon boundaries, bacon being like a meteor strike etc. Hilarious.

As for Susan, *sings to the tune of Cell Block Tango (Chicago)* She had it coming, she had it coming, she only had herself to blaaaame...

Mina B. said...

Bacon, break-ups & breakfast! this is bougie gold. I feel bad for SusieBaconHater because there are so many things she doesn't know about life i.e. the deliciousness that is bacon & how to speak to an adult but in the words of Kevin Heart's father...She gon learn ta'day!

Marioned said...

Jonathan Boy go ahead and eat your Bacon and a Bacon Girl!
Bacon!!! Bacon !!! Bacon!! Bacon!! I digress.

Velinda Evans said...

"You think the good outweighs the bad and you can deal...until you can't"<<<<<<<THIS RIGHT HERE!!! The 2nd ex had good and bad, I went in choosing to live by the "80-20 Rule" 80% of him I wouldn't change for anything in the world, 20 I would cast into the deepest pits of hell never to be returned again but that damn 20 became what I just couldn't deal with anymore.

Velinda Evans said...

I'm team #Bacon and #Jonathon. She should have left well enough alone and it definitely wasn't over the bacon, I've been there and done that. I think I have a few exes thinking they got dumped over XYZ and it was really ABC, I told them 'gon now fo' I say somethin' ya don't wanna hear. and they kept a comin' so I dumped 'em. Hey, when you get a warning ya might wanna take heed.

Angel on a Quest said...

Yeah, Jonathan needed to give her the heave-ho...she didn't respect what he said, and she wanted to make him conform to her understanding, rather than listen and let it go. That said, it makes me wonder if he had had similar conversations with her before, and this was just the final conversation that created too much disharmony to overcome.


I also suspect that the controlling attitude, expressed in a place that was obviously lacking in privacy, spurred the outcome. Had there been fewer opportunities to be overheard, it is likely he would have tuned her out. From the snippet of conversation, it doesn't appear that Susan was able to read him very well, and to sense when it was too much/too far.


Of course, I had nitrate-free, organic, applewood smoked bacon today, so it may be influencing me ;)

Leo the Yardie Chick said...

"One dirty sock sitting on the kitchen countertop."

And I thought I damn near erupted when my friend dropped her cat piss-funky school bag on my mother's dining room table. Dirty sock on the kitchen counter? I'd have lost my entire mind.

nylse said...

weren't they going to see each other on the plane? maybe he was just posturing, since he knew someone was listening in...

C Nelson said...

Good for Jonathan. My husband is a grown man; he HAD a mother, and doesn't need me to be another. My fathre was very much present in my life and I don't need a replacement for him either. I spent a long time looking for someone who knew his own mind and had the ability to verbalise his wants and needs and likes and dislikes -- and, for that matter, learning to do that myself. I don't think it was optimal to have that conversation in public, but who knows how many times they'd had the "you can't __ that because I said so" portion of this encounter in private and she wasn't listening? She was out of line, and he was within his rights to decide that was a dealbreaker for him.

Brownbelle said...

Hilarious! I had a breakup like that. My first boyfriend in high school was forever hinting that I would be the perfect girlfriend if I would just x, y, z. When he told me, "You're pretty, but if you would dress more glamorous you'd be hot" (while wearing a tall tee with Bugs Bunny on it) I was done. Completely done!

CaliGirlED said...

"Sometimes I am laying and waiting for a DAMN BACON MOMENT OK!!!!...It's bacon Beotch!!"<----I died!

Leo the Yardie Chick said...

"Of course, I had nitrate-free, organic, applewood smoked bacon today,"


I want to visit where you live, just for that. The only way one can get bacon here is factory-processed, packaged, imported, and soaked in a family of sodium what-nots.

Londa said...

I can't help but play old school Bobby Womack in my mind's mp3 player after reading this. "If you think you're lonely now - HUH!- Wait until tonight, girl!" Apparently, he was playing Kenny Rogers, "You gotta know when to hold 'em. Know when to fold 'em. Know when to walk away. Know when to run..." LOL. That's all I got beyond this: she should have let him eat his bacon in peace. She still would have had someone to rub her feet at night.

OneChele said...

Girl, I don't know. They weren't on my flight so alas, we shall never know how it all came down. But he looked pretty happy to hop away from that table with his bacon :)

Londa said...

Susan sounds like she "needed" a pill.

Carey Jackson said...

what I completely hate is that forever more when I think "Bacon Moment" I'm thinking of BougieLand. Dammit, Chele!

OneChele said...

So. Much. Win. And now the song is stuck in my head. Thanks much...

Londa said...

One more thing, Chele. How did you manage to not burst out laughing when he dipped? I would have, at least, been snickering behind a magazine or something. While at the same time on the phone with a girl friend, like "girrlllll...you are not going to believe what I just saw/heard..." You, my blogger-friend, are better bougie than I. I bow down at Queen's throne.

ClayJones said...

On a related note, women have GOT to learn not to come at a man sideways when he is eating. Seriously. My man Jon bounced so he could sit in some peace and quiet and enjoy breaking his fast without a whole bunch of nonsense in his ear. If she had waited until he finished eating and had a civilized conversation about heart healthy snacks, he might have been open to it. Really. Ladies. Let your man eat his food.

OneChele said...

Clay, my friend - sounds like a BougieTale that needs to be shared. Yes. Digestion is a precious thing but er, um... I think there's a story here. do share. ;-)

OneChele said...

Girl - my face was all IN the coffee cup. I was like - don't look up, don't look up!

ClayJones said...

As you say - maybe in my memoirs someday. It's a definite peeve.

CaliGirlED said...

And one more thing, if this was in TX, she was in serious violation! She could have nagged him about ANYTHING besides the food he eats!

Trey Charles said...

Shooooot. If it was thick-slice center-cut maple smoked bacon (learned about this bougie staple from chele) - I'da bounced too. Don't get between a man and a salted pork product. That's a lose-lose anyway you look at it.

Londa said...

LOL!!! I can see that. I don't know that I could have managed it though. :-)

invectiva said...

I had a bacon moment with an insecure man who wanted to have drama with me every dang day we were together. I'm an insomniac at the best of times, and he would have a manipulative meltdown about the status of our relationship at least once a week, right before bed, which would end with me being up all night angry, no matter how it turned out for him.


After a four day motorcycling trip away (he doesn't ride), my phone rang about 90 minutes after my arrival home. I hadn't even unpacked. That evening's Relationship Meltdown was "you've been back in town for hours and didn't even get in touch." Living in a shared household that had lots of guests at all hours, I happened to be on the phone in front of a lot of people. I said, "Look, I can't really talk about this with you right now, there are people in my office. Let's talk later tonight." Cue histrionics. "Our relationship should be the most important thing in our lives." "Um, I can't really talk about this with you right now, there are people in my office. Let's talk later." "If you don't discuss this with me RIGHT NOW, then our relationship is OVER!!!!" Okay, son. You set the terms. "Well, since I can't talk about this right now, I guess that's it then." *click while I hear him roaring "WHAAAAAAAAAAAT?"*


Serious bacon moment there. It didn't matter what my boundaries were, he was always stepping on them. The light bulb went off right then, that no matter how I tried to be the strong one, the mellow one, the talk-it-out-rationally one, he didn't want that. He wanted drama. And I didn't want a hot mess every day of my life.

Jubi The Great said...

My life changed the first time I had uncured center cut maple bacon. And my place smelled like syrup! *yum*

Jubi The Great said...

Is there a Trader Joe's in your area? Or maybe a food co-op? They generally have uncured organic bacon.

md_KG said...

Hehehe...you are most welcome *curtsies*

Leo the Yardie Chick said...

Alas, there is no such thing in JamRock (....yet).

Leo the Yardie Chick said...

So he wanted a 10.5 while being barely a 2 on the GQMF scale? *side-eye*

Leo the Yardie Chick said...

Jon and Bacon: One True Pair.

digal704 said...

Truth

grin and bear it said...

Uh, you do know you can cure and smoke your own...if you have access to a decent butcher. http://www.chow.com/recipes/30156-oven-smoked-bacon

Leo the Yardie Chick said...

Bless you for this!

happinessisme said...

Hell, they better off without each other. She needs someone who doesn't like bacon and likes to keep it uber healthy. He needs someone who won't nag him about bacon. Judging from the convo, she's probably mentioned the negatives about bacon before. Cool, say your piece(peace?) and then fall back. Let the man eat his bacon. How would she like it if her favorite lipstick was red but he constantly was on some, " I think women in red lipstick look like h*es." Respect each other. Don't start none, won't be none.

Brownbelle said...

Exactly! I called myself being non-judgmental by putting up with him for that long...young and dumb. smh

Junetta Dunn said...

I feel like if he was THAT bothered by her caring about his well being, he was probably already bothered by her prescience period.....the bacon was the straw that broke the camels back but dang, is he that bipolar that he cant tolerate her caring....??.....is didn't care and didn't say nothing, then what?....I bet he needs meds to keep his cool....with his clogged arteries...lol

Only The Tall said...

C'mon church!!!

Only The Tall said...

Shoot, even as a kid, I knew not to ask my father for anything until AFTER he finished eating and reading the newspaper. After that, he had all the time in the world to listen to my questions. LOL!

CCDreamz said...

*sits here blinking rapidly* A...on...that means this person bent down, took off their shoes, took off the dirty sock, stood up with the dirty sock and dropped it on the kitchen counter...Mind BLOWN! I congratulate you on just breaking up with them. Wow!

bashowell said...

A dirty sock? Oh hell naw. That alone would've set me off...

C Nelson said...

There's buying you an umbrella because it's raining and I know you hate getting soaked type caring, and then there's insisting you put on the itchy sweater even though you SAID you're not cold. One is thoughtful and selfless and the other overbearing, dictatorial, and rude. Learning the difference saves relationships.

Carol King said...

I so agree with you, I have been in Jonathon's position and the pressure definitely builds up over time, and when that baby is ready to blow it doesn't matter where you are or how inappropriate the setting that sh!^$ gonna hit the fan.

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