Friday, January 18, 2013

Can you teach an old dog new tricks?


I'm a year further away from 30 40 today. On the one hand, glad I made it. On the other hand, since when am I not 32 anymore? Le Sigh.

Moving on. There's an old cliche about not teaching old dogs new tricks. And I'm pleased to say (if I would call myself an old dog) that's absolutely untrue. More accurate would be to say you can't teach a young dog new tricks because they think they know them already. Twenties are for trying everything and messing things up. Thirties are for fixing what you messed up in your twenties. Forties are about figuring it all out so you can make it to your fifties. 

At this point, if you're not where you're supposed to be yet, you really should have an idea of how it's going to happen or get on a new path. Forties are where you also accept that some things aren't going to happen. There will not be babies coming up outta here. Doesn't hurt to admit though I'd've been a damn good mom. I'll settle for being the best aunt on the planet. Chances are I'm not going to be a rock star, a space shuttle pilot, or a world reknown surfer either. Some dreams you just have to let die a certain death.

But what I am still working on is having a Michele Grant book on every shelf (or tablet), I'll never get beyond the need to write interesting things and have people be entertained by them. Marriage - Lawd, I don't know. I'm in a happy place and if I could hold onto that, I'd be all good.

There's also a freedom of reaching a certain age and no longer giving ANY damns about what folks think about you, want you to do or expect you to be. We off that. When I reach BougieMom's age of 80 (God Willing), I'm going to get like Miss Nellie. She no longer bites her tongue for anybody. If she's thinking it, she says it. This makes for highly entertaining and high embarassing conversation.

But back to the old dogs and new tricks - In reconnecting with an ex over the past few months (not that ex, a different ex) I'm borderline shocked that at long last he appears to have matured into the individual I thought he was fifteen years ago. You know how you listen to someone and you keep waiting for them to say that one thing that makes you say "this man hasn't learned a damn thing" - haven't heard it yet. It could happen but so far, so good.

As for me, I'm don't mind learning new things and exploring different paths. I call myself a sensible adventurer. 

Let me pause - I watched Grey's Anatomy last night and learned about "vijazzling" women getting their vijayjays bedazzled for special occassions. No. I'm not ready. That's one trick I'll leave to other puppies. Fancy undies from Vicki's is as far as I can go.

And we're back... There's definitely something to be said for being comfortable in your own skin. Knowing that sometimes you don't have to be at the hottest party wearing the cutest dress in the highest heels. Sometimes you want to curl up in front your TV and watch a marathon of The Wire in your ratty sweats. And that's okay.

That being said, I'm off to DC for the Inauguration because you know... even though I'm older, I still gets my party on. Me and BougieFam will be at the Ritz Carlton for about four days filled with balls, brunches  lunches, dinners, drinks and whatever else we can squeeze in the celebration. if you're in the DMV, hit me up - we'll see if we can raise a toast.

What about you? Are you settled in your ways? More or less resistant to change as you get older? Do you know someone who is determined to do things the same way, no matter what? Do share...

30 comments:

Nandie said...

Happy Birthday! Wishing you great things and more this year.

CaliGirlED said...

First let's start with Happy Birthday!!! ' ' ' \O/' ' ' What a great birthday weekend you're going to have!

"Twenties are for trying everything and messing things up. Thirties are for fixing what you messed up in your twenties. Forties are about figuring it all out so you can make it to your fifties."....This is probably the best breakdown I have heard! As for getting older and saying EXACTLY what's on your mind? My aunts get worse and worse as the years go by. Talk about entertainment! And when they turn on each other? Pure comedy, stomach hurting, eyes watering laughter! And I can't wait to get there! LOL



For me, I wouldn't say that I am settled (read stuck) in my ways so much as I am more selective about what I will compromise on. Some things are just NO and some are, hmmm that might be better.

Miz JJ said...

Happy Birthday! That birthday weekend sounds like fun.


I try not be too settled in my ways and open to change.

Lady4Real said...

"Twenties are for trying everything and messing things up. Thirties are for fixing what you messed up in your twenties. Forties are about figuring it all out so you can make it to your fifties. "

Amazing to me, I'm in my last year of my twenties and since my birthday I've been doing a lot of reflecting and vowing to not go into my thirty the same as I was in my twenties. I have been purging my life and my spirit. I have been cutting off people that haven't been good for me or to me. I've been focusing on nurturing relationships that have always been loyal and dedicated. I don't want to spend my entire thirties fixing what I messed up in my twenties but I am determined to make my 30's bright, full of love and accomplishments.



I think dogs learn the tricks they want to learn when they want to learn them. I think people grow when they are ready, mature at their own pace and nothing and no one can change that.

Lady4Real said...

HAPPY BIRTHDAY CHELE!!!! Can't wait to see you.

happinessisme said...

Happy bday! Well, I'm only 25 so I hope that this isn't as good as it gets and that I still have time to change. For me, I feel like I'm going through a quarterlife crisis or something. Lately I feel like time is ticking. Like I'm getting too old to do the things in life that I want to do. But at the same time I actually am kind of confused as to what exactly I want. And with 26 just around the corner in a few days, I feel like time is ticking. But I think I've grown A LOT over the last five years, which I'm sure is to be expected. I wasn't very happy or healthy five years ago. So I'm sure life will keep getting better.

Jubi The Great said...

Happy birthday Chele! :-)


Its funny, as I get older, the more I embrace & love change. As I mature, I get more comfortable with myself, and care less about what other people thing about my life & the choices I make. I've been making big changes over the past 2 years, including completely changing my career & I couldn't be happier. I'm finally doing things that I should have done 5 years ago, but I was scared. 30yo Jubi is like "what you scared for? Just do it!" And so I do :-)

Jubi The Great said...

The quarterlife crisis is very real - I went through it. My best advice is to not put too much pressure on yourself & don't compare yourself to your friends. Those 2 things gave me so much anxiety & I was freaking out with was 24-26.

GrownAzzMan said...

I won't call it set in my ways. I am certainly clear about who I am, what I want and what works for me. You live, you learn, you know better, you do better.




HAPPY BIRTHDAY CHELE!!!!!!!!

Earthangel172 said...

Happy birthday again Chele.

As for me, I'm somewhat settled in my ways. I'm 33 but there's still room for me to grow. I don't sweat the small stuff like I use to. I'm less prideful, more appreciative and no longer vengeful. LOL

I've adopted the motto "You either like me or you don't. If you don't like me, it's because you don't know me."

The turning point for me was the number of losses I experienced last year. 8 funerals in one year. The one that hit home for me was when my best friend's sister died at 35 on January 23, 2012. Married 10 years with 3 children under 10, including her 11 month old daughter. That hit home for me. It made me look at my life and acknowledge that we are on borrowed time and are only here for a season. So I'm committed to living my life to the fullest while there's still time.

Angel on a Quest said...

Would love to toast with you sometime this weekend! That said, I'm strictly a workout clothes girl right about now, because that's all I have left after clearing out my closets at the end of last year. That, and three clothing items I can no longer fit, but which have become reminders of how far I've come on this journey.


So, DM a sister what looks good for you, and have an AWESOME birthday!!
xoxo

Earthangel172 said...

I really admire your strength and transparency. You've been through a lot and yet you still press on! Kudos to you Lady!

Lady4Real said...

Thank you. It's just in me to be transparent, hopefully my test and testimony will get someone else through. Strength is in my DNA, look at the bougienista, we're cut from the same cloth :)

Lady4Real said...

2012 was terrible for deaths, I lost so many loved ones I almost lost count. Praying for ya.

Regina said...

Yes, I know that quarterlife crisis very well! Turned 25 two years ago,
and I think I'm finally over it. Maybe :) There is that feeling of "time
is slipping away, I need to get my life picture-perfect ASAP!" and
the competing realization that yes, I am still young and there's still
plenty of years ahead to enjoy, lots of time to make dreams come true, or something like that.

The one consolation I have today, six
weeks before my 27th, is that if what I thought I wanted two, four or five years ago actually had come into fruition, I'd be miserable. So I'm learning to enjoy this time to figure out what I actually do want out of life and actually experiencing those things. So all these Facebook acquaintances with their new husbands and cute(ish) babies don't drive me completely crazy. Just bug me somewhat :) Hang in there!

SassyJJ said...

Happy Birthday OneChele!



You should've let the DMV BnB crew know you were coming...we would've put the call out for a meetup!! Not too late! :)

JoycelynC said...

First let me say Happy Birthday! Second, I think becoming comfortable in your own skin is a gift that keeps on giving. It allows you to cut out so much unnecessary bull and really enjoy the life in the present. I'm not set in my ways at this point but I know full well who I am so if I hear certain things, I know whether they will work in my life at this point.

Regina said...

And Happy Birthday Chele! Sounds like a perfect birthday trip, AND you'll be part of the Obama inauguration lovefest!

GuessImJay said...

happy birthday, contessa de bouge.

David Chase said...

What he said. :)

M Dot the Rainmaker said...

I second this

rozb said...

Happy Birthday! *tap-dancing in purple stilettos!* I have done more changing and experiencing new things in my forties than I ever did in my thirties. Now, I cannot wait 'til my 50s! Maaaaannnn - once I get that AARP card, I am gonna be golden! WOOOOOO!


But seriously, I feel more centered, I have more patience and tolerance, and I must say I embrace difference a lot easier. I feel kinda 'Zen', and I would strike a yoga pose, except my knees and hips are a little resistant to that much change.


I hope your natal anniversary is filled with joy, overflowing with blessings, and everything you need. Believe me, it gets better every day - I know I am loving it!

rozb said...

I wish I woulda known! I would love to finally meet one of my favorite authors. Oh well, when y'all come to the Hampton Roads area, give me a holla!

tiffanyinhouston said...

Happy birthday Chele. I'm almost 40 and almost completely out of effs to give. If you are not family or close friends, your opinion doesn't carry much weight, in fact little to none. This skin of mine, is finally starting to feel just fine.

CaliGirlED said...

"Maaaaannnn - once I get that AARP card, I am gonna be golden!"....Right!

C Nelson said...

Happy birthday. :)



I'm still in the "fixing what I messed up in my twenties" stage, but yes, still learning and growing. That said, you know that poem, "When I Am An Old Woman, I Shall Wear Purple"? I already wear purple. I don't need to wait till I'm forty or fifty to figure out that it's still fun to skip on the sidewalk avoiding the cracks and run my fingers along the railing and splash in the puddles instead of carrying an umbrella and walking sedately. And, yep, getting comfy in my own skin. In fact, the only time I'm not anymore is when somebody else tries to tell me I shouldn't be, and I'm learning how to hand that back with a smile and an "I think this is your issue, not mine, but thank you." I'll get there.

Monna said...

Happy Birthday Chele! Maybe I will run into you here at the Nation's Capital. Loved this post, as always great stuff here at BnB.

Leo the Yardie Chick said...

Happy Birthday/Blessed Earthstrong to you!

sol_dier said...

Happy birthday! May the ink from your pen continue to flow :-)


My whole life I was strong for other people, lately I've allowed myself to be strong for me.

Eshe said...

Happy belated birthday, Chele! I love being in my 40s! The pressure's off. :)

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