Monday, December 31, 2012

Hashtag Monday: #LeaveItIn2012 - 5 things


Well here we are again. 2012 is almost in the books and for those of us that made it - Amen and let's keep fighting the good fight. I went back and reviewed my New Year's posts from the past few years - after 2009, I went on a mini-rant (unfortunately, I still rant about some of those same things now). After 2010, I made a sort of checklist of accomplishments, lessons learned and areas for improvement. Um... still working on those improvement areas. (That was an eye-opener) I kicked off 2012 with a determination to do what I could to get Obeezy re-elected and basically do better in other areas of my life. Done and done.

But for some reason, this year just felt a little hard. I'm definitely wrapping up the year on a high note which I appreciate but 2012 felt like it was an uphill climb. Which I suppose is better than a downhill slide. At any rate, there are some things we can go ahead and dead prior to 2013. Let's #LeaveItIn2012, shall we?

1. All things Mitt Romney - he lost. Buh-bye. I no longer am required to care what he's doing or why. Let's keep it that way.

2. Oversharing on these here intersocialwebmedia sites - That goes for me too. Yeah, I'm semi-sorta dating someone. That's all you need to know for now.

3. Ranting about the Cowboys (or you may insert frustrating sports franchise of your own here) - I've done this rant for at least 5 years straight. Nothing changes. Jerry's ego won't allow it to. I'm resigned to living with Silver & Blue shame. Le Sigh. 

4. Trying to achieve Wonder Woman (SuperMan) status - This is something we all have to work on. American society as a whole has us programmed to "be our best selves' and "live life to the fullest" and sometimes if we aren't out there making moves, hustling and turning our lives into shining examples of 'get-like-me-ness' we feel like we haven't done enough - or is that just me? Anywho, I'm over it. This is the first year I haven't averaged 3 - 5 blog posts per week. On the one hand, I feel bad about it because we have a great community here and the more I blog, the more awesome people I meet. On the other hand there are 8766 hours in a year, sounds like a lot but my do they fly.

5. Nonsense, Foolery and Shenaniganism - I don't know about you but it seems like I put up with a lot more of shiggity than one should this year. If you find yourself defriended, blocked or banned - well, buh bye now. In 2013, it's less stress and more positive progress. 

Anything to add to the #LeaveItIn2012 list? Please share...

Friday, December 28, 2012

'Tis the season for Tomfoolery...


I received a FedEx package today. I was very excited because BougieOlderBro got me the new Kindle and it's been lost in UPS hell since last Thursday. (No, I didn't think it through. Just grabbed the box). I ripped it open and lacy lingerie fell out. Cheeky boyshorts in a rainbow array of colors to be exact. Oh. Clearly not a Kindle. Obviously not from my brother.

I take a second to read the front of the package. It's from an ex. I dig out a note - hope to see you soon. Hmm. Really tho? I look at the items a little closer. They are a size two/XS. Say what? Yes, I've lost weight but not in my adult life have I or will I fit into a size 2/Extra Small anything. Ever. (Did I say ever? Yep.) As I'm contemplating what to think or what to do with aforementioned drawers, I receive a text from this ex. "Hope you like the scarf." 

**crickets** followed by **blinkety blinkety blink**

So wait a minute now. Either someone sent the wrong gift to the wrong person or someone is playing games. Either way, I chose not play. I wrote a note "Pretty sure these aren't meant for me" and resealed the box. Caught FedEx guy before he left the apartment complex. These undies are going to return to sender.

People. I CAN NOT. What would you do in this situation?

Girlfriend of mine called. She's been dating a guy for about two years now. Over Thanksgiving they went ring shopping so you know what she was expecting for Christmas. Christmas Day she gets up and he's sprawled out under the Christmas tree buck-assed naked with a bow wrapped around his "candy cane"... he announced that he was the only present she needed that year. She played it off but was crushed all day. More so the next day when she found out he bought himself a new Lexus and all she got was a bow around something she'd had before... I'm just saying. BougieLand - what say you? Cute, corny or c'mon son?

Anyone get gifts they absolutely loved (I got a sparkly dress for Inauguration Weekend - so excited!), gifts they just didn't understand (see six 2 drawers story above) or any disappointments (Amazon, please free my new Kindle)? Do share.

Yes, I know the season is about more than gifts. Please don't preach in my comments section today...

Monday, December 17, 2012

Where in the world...


I'm in Maui. I'll be back at the end of the week. I might blog but then again... I'm in Maui. Ya'll stay outta trouble. Be back soon. Feel free to talk amongst yourselves. Happy Holidays!

Thursday, December 13, 2012

My thoughts on guns, mental illness and "random" violence


I've tried to write a post about guns, about mental illness,  about "random" acts of violence a few times before. I put "random" in quotes because we almost always find out later that the act was not random at all. There are generally some precursors to someone acting out in that extreme manner. But anyway... I've tried to write a post of this type many times but I don't want to sound preachy or take one side or the other. Plus you can get very bogged down with politics and statistics. Instead, I'll just share some thoughts.

This may not be popular but here it is... I don't like guns. I never have. Not for me anyway. Coming from Texas, this is tantamount to not loving Jesus or football or barbecue. Jesus, football and bbq I am all very fond of, guns - not so much. Part of it was that I was never around them growing up. My father was a police officer in Guyana before he immigrated to the States and became a doctor. He owned one shotgun that he kept in the closet of his office and we weren't allowed to open the door... ever.

It's also tee-hee funny that I'm not a gun person knowing just how many law enforcement folks I've dated over the years. It's all romantic until you wake up at three in the morning and realize there's a gun under your pillow, two on the nightstand and another over the headboard. Why? Are we expecting a SWAT assault over bacon and eggs? Eek!

But I get the deal about guns. Folks have the right to arm and protect themselves. My problem is that anybody can have one. (License, shmicense - a-n-y body can have one) When I was in Florida over Thanksgiving I was astounded at the number of gun stores there. Again, coming from Texas for me to say Florida has a lot of gun stores - that's saying something. Not just gun stores, I mean we rolled past a one-stop shop where you could get a 2-piece chicken dinner, a case of Scotch and an assault rifle - and you only had to show ID to get the case of scotch -  does that seem like a good idea to anybody?

I guess I don't see the need for an average citizen to own an AK-47 or whatever the latest hot automatic killing machine is. No one is hunting elk with 50 rounds a minute. And what does an average Joe or Jane need a .50 caliber weapon for? Really? On the other hand, I have no problem with military folks, bodyguards, and law enforcement carrying. Or rational, level headed people owning a reasonable gun to protect themselves. Or sports enthusiasts owning a hunting rifle to bag a deer or whatever. Especially if those gun owners have registered the weapons and keep them out of the reach of children and fools. Is this truly being regulated? Again, I don't know. Is it for me to say that someone shouldn't have an arsenal in their basement?

As to the meme that guns don't kill people, people kill people. I agree and I disagree. I absolutely think if someone is determined to kill you and/or themselves - they are going to find a way to do it, guns or no guns. But I also think if someone is in the heat of the moment and has a gun, a situation that might have been easily diffused suddenly becomes a lot more complicated.

The other day on Fox News (I know, I know, consider the source), Dana Perino (Former Bush WH Press Secretary) was having a discussion with her cohorts abbout domestic violence. They seemed to feel the answer for women being assaulted was for them to arm themselves. Or just pick better men to date... O__o

When are we going to have a real discussion about mental health in this country? We throw the term "crazy" around easily but is it fair to say the ease to procure a weapon allows mentally unbalanced people a way to act on their instability? I don't know, I'm asking. Can "random" acts of violence be prohibited by restricting access to weapons? Is a more stringent look at mental health necessary not only in the country but within the black community?

I'm just throwing out thoughts as they occur to me, I'm interested to hear yours. Do we need tighter, stricter control on guns? Should we have as much focus on mental health as we do on overall wellness? What's it going to take (or is it even possible) to stop mass shootings? Do you own guns (you don't have to self-declare if you don't want to)? Are you okay with them around the house? Do share....

Wednesday, December 12, 2012

12 Relationship Truths From Me to You

*disclaimer - no I'm not a relationship expert. Nor do I pretend to be. But I've been around and seen some things and have some thoughts. Love 'em or leave 'em. ~The Management

It's 12/12/12 - I'll check again at 11:59pm tonight but so far, most of us made it, right? (pours a little sumthin' sumthin' out for those who left too soon). Since we're still living - here are a few relationship truisms to take you through to the next apocalyptic countdown:

1. Yes, you are a prize but not for every damn body. Each of you individually is a prize... for someone. Maybe two or three someones but not for everybody.

2. Just because someone is a "good" man or woman, does not mean they are "good" for you.

3. Liking someone, lusting for someone and loving someone are not the same thing. Unless they come as a package deal for both parties in which case, when's the wedding?

4. If you've had three or more failed relationships in a row, you are the common denominator. (looks in mirror, sticks out tongue) #Arithmetic

5. Grown men and women in committed relationships cannot be stolen from one and other. Someone makes the conscious decision to leave.

6. The more you tell us how fabulous your life with so-and-so is, the less we believe you. My godparents have been married for 53 years. Every time I have asked how they are doing for the past 20 years, they respond "Baby we fine and we living." Okay? Keep your business off these inna-web-social-nets.

7. The idea that anybody is better than nobody is a blatant-assed lie.

8. The idea that marriage is a magical panacea for all that "ails" black women is an ignorant lie.

9. The idea that marriage and babies are the end-all, be-all for everyone to achieve happiness is a little naive.

10. The argument over $200 dates is pure foolishness. If you can't afford it, don't do it and for Baby Jesus' sake - quit bitching about it.

11. The idea that a man that you do not know, who does not know you (and whose relationship history is shady as all the trees in the Sierra Nevada put together) has the answers to your relationship woes is not only foolery, it is a HUSTLE. Quit buying into the hustle.

12. Ladies and Gentlemen, last but not least - a rhyme stolen from a Hallmark card: A better you makes a better two. Please work on fix your issues instead of looking for someone to fix them for you. That "you complete me" nonsense is a great movie line and no more. Complete yourself. 

Agree? Disagree? Gotta any to add to the list? Do share...

Tuesday, December 11, 2012

Ask a Bougie Chick - Once more...


Once more for those who haven't let this sink in: Mother Maya tells us "When someone shows you who they are, believe them." Put it on a post-it note, etch it on your mirror, lock it and load it.

Our letter from a 31 year old lady in Silver Springs, MD.
Hey Chele, 
Love the blog. I think I know what you're going to say but I want to ask anyway. I've been living with this guy for six years and I really want to get married. I've been telling his this for the past four years. His answer is always the same. "I'm sorry, I love you but I'm not ready." Over Thanksgiving, I brought it up again and he said when he was ready to talk about it, he would bring it up. And I asked what if that wasn't enough for me. He said, "You gotta do what you gotta do." 
So now I'm backed into a corner right? Does this mean he's never going to marry me?  I really love him and I don't want to throw what we have away. What what you do?
A Sister in Silver Springs.
Hey Sister,
I feel like I answered this letter before. But even if I did, I guess it's worth saying again:

If you want to get married sometime this decade, you may want to pack your ish and go. For reals. I don't know what you heard but what your man said was: I'm not marrying you, if you don't like it, you can bounce.  he added in the "I love you" to soften the blow. 

Please ask yourself - what's so great about him, what do you love that you don't think you can find elsewhere or is it really a case of not wanting to start over with someone new? Which I get. I totally get there. Starting over is freaking exhausting and irritating and sometimes you'd rather cut your wrist slowly with a dull butter knife rather than go out on another damn first date... oh. Wait. I'm projecting. Back to you...

It's been six years, Sis. He ain't broken out the ring yet. I'm not saying it's not going to happen, I'm saying what's his incentive to do so? You keep hanging in no matter what. If you want to get married, you have to state it plain. He comes back with the yada-bull-yada, you have to be ready to walk or be ready to live without the Mrs. in front of your name. Simple to say, hard to do.

Good luck and tell us how it works out... though I suspect we know.

BougieLand, advice for Sister? Fellas - if he's six years in with no ring, is he running to Kay Jewelers for the solitaire or no? Do share...

Monday, December 10, 2012

I guess "Thank You" is the appropriate response?


With a glance at the calendar, I sucked it up and headed out to do Christmas shopping this past weekend. It wasn't until I was at the mall amongst the teeming masses that I remembered why I generally opt to go cyber for the holidays.

This year, for some odd reason, I ventured out to the megamall. I had already been once with BougieMom and I just needed to grab one or two last items. It's always when you push your luck that bad things happen to otherwise good people.

To add to the drama, I've quit shopping at some stores because of their politics and treatment of workers. No Wal-Mart, no Sam's, no Macy's, no Home Depot. Which stores do you think are closest to me? Yep. 

Anywho, it was on my targeted blitz through Nordstrom when disaster struck. I was sandwiched between two clearance racks of sleepwear when a familiar voice called out, "Michele? Is that you?" Why do people say that? You see me, you know who I am, just say hello already. Just saying.

I look up and it's my ex from the wayback, Bill (of crying in the shower and TapBack fame) with his lovely wife. 

"Hey." I say super halfheartedly still recalling the uber-whacktasticness of Bill's tapback call.

"You look great! Jonelle, this is Michele. Remember, I told you about her? Michele, my wife Jonelle."

He told her what about me? Exactly? Anyway, she rushed forward and gave me a big hug. "It's so great to meet you, I have so many questions for you."

For. Real. Tho? No ma'am. "Oh well, I'm meeting someone for a late lunch in a few minutes but it's great to meet you. How are the kids?"

"They are great!" They launched into detail about the two children and I nodded at the appropriate moments.

"Sounds great. I hate to run but..."

Jonelle said, "Before you go, I just want to say that I appreciate how you whipped Bill into shape and then let him go to be with the woman he was supposed to be with."

Ummmm....

She continued. "The things that he learned from you well, it was great meeting an emotional grown-up that I didn't have to train, you know?"

By now I'm looking at Bill like - is this how ya'll get down? Your wife is just going to talk about you like a science experiment and you're cool with that? Ooookay. And I'm assuming he never mentioned calling me asking for belated break-up sex? Alrighty then. They were both looking at me expecting an answer so sliding towards the escalator, I smiled. "I guess 'Thank You' is the appropriate response? I'm glad you're happy. Merry Christmas!" I fled.

BougieLand - WDDDA? And what are you supposed to say when someone thanks you for "training" her husband? Anybody had a similar experience? How's your holiday shopping going this year? Oh and hey there, Happy Holidays!

Do share...

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