Friday, November 30, 2012

A week in the life... of a Bougie Chick


Crazy, crazy week. It started off in Florida where we, collectively as a fam, overstayed our Holiday welcome by at least one day at BougieSis' house. The true highlight was Monday afternoon when Sis, Bro & I attempted to have three separate conference calls at once. Crouching Conference Calls, Dueling Laptops... get into it. I celebrated CyberMonday by starting my Christmas shopping online and doing some book giveaways. Good times.

Tuesday was a blur because I stayed up late on Monday night writing. Sometimes a story rolls through my head like a movie and I just type what I see. When that happens, I literally work until I drop because I never know if it's going to flow that easily again. So despite the caffeine, I couldn't tell you what happened that day except for a great dinner at a little bistro BougieSis found. That was awesome. 

Wednesday was a travel day. Jumped up, restored Sis' house to some sort of order, worked for a few hours and then hopped a flight. Not sure why but I was uber-productive. I wrote about twenty pages in two hours which is definitely not my norm. The flight landed early - win. My luggage was the first off the carousel -win. The shuttle to the parking lot came right on time - win. I had a message from my Project Manager to call him urgently - FAIL. I called him back and he told me that he was over budget and I was an "expensive resource" so he had to lay me off. Friday would be my last day. What? Oookay. 

I was steaming because I had literally turned down two other opportunities earlier in the week trying to be dedicated to this tragic-assed consulting assignment. Had he given me some indication this was coming, I could have lined up another project. I listened to him talk about how much they were going to miss my expertise and then I said the appropriate "it's been great working with you" and got off the phone. 

The minute I got home (can we pause to chat about how I live in the third floor and this life hauling up two suitcases, a laptop case, purse, mail and coat is not the business  No? Moving on..), I started firing off emails. I work for a company that does HR consulting and there are always projects going or coming up so I started internally. Then I fired out emails to people who had reached out to see what was open in the market. I had a short one-sided argument with Jesus whereupon I demanded that He reveal just some of His master plan for me before I yanked out my hair and then I went to bed.

Cue up Thursday. Two calls from two exes and they both left me confused. I'm not sure what they want or whether I'm even interested in listening. Then the calls for interviews started coming in. So I was laid off Wednesday at 6:22pm. I had not one but two job offers by Thursday at 5:09pm. I hastily apologized to Jesus and promised to do better.

I watched Scandal last night with my wine and popcorn. Cannot be the same group of writers working on Scandal and Grey's Anatomy. Grey's lately makes me want to fight the air. Scandal is absolutely riveting. 

Anyway, it's Friday. I woke up with the migraine from hell but I'm powering through. I have a ton of writing and editing to get through this weekend and I start my new job on Monday. How was your week?

Tuesday, November 27, 2012

Know who you're texting if you're sexting... Please!

It was early Thanksgiving morning and my cell phone was blowing up. Knowing that more than likely it was folks sending out their text edition of a Hallmark card, I put the phone on silent to ignore it and flipped over to go back to sleep. When I woke up a half hour later I had over 20 missed text messages. Seriously?

I scrolled from the bottom up: family, family, college roommate, friend, friend, number I didn't recognize. The number I didn't recognize had the caption beside it "something for you to think about" - really? Ooookay. And then foolish me, I clicked to open. The best thing I can tell you is that the picture was high definition. Then again, maybe that's the worse thing. Yes, some random dude sent me a picture of himself from the neck down in all his naked glory.

I didn't recognize him. I flipped to the next text and I guess this dude really wanted to get his point across because he took close-ups off all (ev.ery.one) of his various body parts and sent them along. I skipped to the  last note in the thread and read the following:

"Taneisha, I'm waiting for you to call me."

Oh. So not only did dude send XXX pics of himself before eight in the damn morning but he sent them to the wrong person? 

Of course I decided to have some fun. "Those pictures were supposed to make me call?"

"You were calling out my name last night. Don't even trip."

"Whose name did I say?"

"You're game playing today? You know this is Xxxxxxx."

Ha. Now I knew who it was and I was triply amused. "No, I didn't know it was you. Guess what?"

"What?"

"This isn't Taneisha."

"Who is THIS?"

"Not Taneisha. Happy Thanksgiving to you. LOL!" I turned the phone off. Of course he called, heard my voice and left some ridiculous message. I didn't care. Haven't dated the guy in forever.

But the moral of this story, BougieLand - know thy contact list. Know who you're texting when you're sexting. Please and thank you...

Thoughts, comments, insights on When Holiday Sexting Goes Wrong?

Monday, November 26, 2012

What's worse than #TapBack? Lazy-azzed TapBack


We are closing in fast on the Holiday Season (okay, it's here already - Turkey, Black Friday, Sleigh Bells, the whole nine) so you know what that means. 'Tis the season for Cuddle Cocoa and TapBack. Yes indeed, many will reach out and touch someone just because baby, it's cold outside. If that's your modus operandi - if that's how you make it through low temperatures and long nights - do you, boo. But kindly figure out if your advances are welcome prior to initiating them.

For those that have forgotten or never knew - Le TapBack is when an ex-siginifcant other reaches out after a period to time to "check-in" with the expectation of either rekindling the old flame or just stirring the cocoa for a moment or two. Hence, tapping back.

And while I'm not a big fan of tapping back (there are reasons most exes are exes after all) I'm even more virulently opposed to lazy-azzed tapback. Allow me to share...

Dude: Hey
Me: What's up?
Dude: We should get together and do stuff.
Me: Stuff?
Dude: You know... stuff.
Me: Why?
Dude:  Why not?
Me: Alirghty then. Good talking to you.
Dude: Wait, you wanna get dinner or something?

Okay now- that's just lazy. If you're going to take the time to reach out, at least have a game plan about yourself. We ain't all low-hanging fruit. At least buy a dinner, a drink, pretend like you are interested in spending some time clothed around me. If not, just say that. I'm of three schools - 1) Either get gone and stay gone 2) Wine me and dine me and take your chances or 3) Just state it plain. Seriously, if I accept the dinner invitation, you have a shot. If you call straight out with the "scratch my itch" plea and I don't start laughing, you have a (narrow) chance. But the half-azzed approach? C'mon now. 

BougieLand, have you been affected by When Keeping It TapBack Goes Wrong this season? Who amongst us are out there tapping back after one too many sips at happy hour? And is it me or is half-azzed lazy TapBack the worst? Do share...

Monday, November 19, 2012

So close and yet...


I have about 10 half/semi-written posts for BnB. And I want to feel bad about that because really, you guys deserve fresh bouge. You've been hanging in here with me through No-Post-October and here we are more than halfway through Sorta-Post-Twice-A-Week November. But the truth of the matter is...

I'm almost done with Book Four. It's going to be called Losing to Win and it's about a young woman tricked into doing a weight loss reality TV show with her ex-fiance and 5 other people from her past. How fun is that? I gotta say, it's pretty fun to write. But here I am nearing the end and I still can't decide if the The Guy gets The Girl. Not sure he deserves her yet. We'll have to see. 

I'm off to Florida for 10 days but if things go as I plan, I'll have this book wrapped up by week's end and I'll be back to sharing random musings from my mind in no time. In the meantime, if you haven't checked out the BnB Facebook page yet? It's full of random stuff I like and notice. Right now it's very Obama-centric. 

In the meantime, happy holidays! Enjoy your Turkey Day and I'll be around!

Tuesday, November 13, 2012

Ask a Bougie Chick - Yes again.


I'm so sure I've posted a zillion times about not wanting to debate about infidelity. Yet and still... folks just cannot help themselves. On today's Ask a Bougie Chick, here are three questions about "That Topic" - yes, again. Because you keep asking, I'll answer but might I request that folks spend a little time in the Bougie Archives. My views have not changed, are not likely to change any time soon.

But anyway -

Question 1 came from a fella who wanted to remain anonymous and only shared that he is single in South Carolina: Chele, are there any circumstances under which you would be okay with your man cheating? Like if you incapacitated or something?

Dear Dude in SC - Is this the obligatory "if you were dying of cancer, wouldn't you want your man to be happy?" question? 

The answer is no. He can do what he wants when I'm gone. And no, there are no circumstances I can fathom where I would cosign my man's infidelity. Not nary nan a one. But I am going to say that any (and every) time some guy writes in with this type of question it's because they are looking for 1) forgiveness 2) excuses or 3) an escape clause. I'm not your blogger for that. If you want to cheat on somebody, I can't help you. Not judging you, do you boo. Just saying. I'm not here for that.

Question 2 came from a married woman in her mid-30s whose husband cheated on her so she took the opportunity to cheat on him. She thought that made them even. She forgave him and he won't forgive her and she wants to know how to fix it. 

Dear Married 30 - How to fix it? Invent a time machine to go back to the minute you got naked with someone else and put your clothes back on. Too snarky? Okay um well. As we've stated on this blog and many other places men really have a problem forgiving infidelity  It's a direct swipe at their virility. Yes, I know it's not fair because he cheated first. Yes I know he shouldn't have cheated. Yes, I'm sure you know two wrongs don't make a right. You can certainly make the argument to him that one bad turn deserves another and see how that works out. I invite you to Google "Do Men Forgive Infidelity" and scroll through the top few results. It's not pretty. My only advice to you is counseling. Hie thee forthwith to your nearest Iyanla and good luck!

Question 3 comes from a young military man (calling himself Semper Fi) who is based overseas and just found out his fiance cheated while he was deployed. He says he wants to forgive her but he can't. He's asking whether he is doing the right thing by walking way. He's also asking if it's fair for him to expect a woman to be faithful when he's gone for such long stretches of time.

Semper Fi - Well, your name and the motto of the Marines "Always faithful" pretty much sums it up for you. You live by that and expect those around you to do so as well. I can't tell what's right or wrong for you. But I can say that any one getting involved with someone in the military knows what they are signing up for. No it's not easy, yes the situation can get extreme but if they commit to you and the relationship, they should commit fully or not at all.

BougieLand, what say you?
1) Is there a time when you condone your s/o's infidelity?
2) Is there anything besides time and pleading apologetically to get a man to forgive infidelity?
3) Is it fair to expect an s/o to stay faithful over long periods of time?
Any other thoughts, words, or witticisms for Dude in SC, Married 30 or Semper Fi? Do share... 

Monday, November 12, 2012

Are the private lives of public servants our business?


In the wake of Four-Star General Petraeus' resignation and confession of adultery, I've been watching various stories unfold. There is, of course, the conspiracy theory that this is all a cover up to keep "what really happened in Benghazi" under wraps. There is the concern about the timing of the announcement. Who knew what, when and why weren't others told. 

None of that interests me, other folks can work through that. For those not in the know, CIA Director and lauded career serviceman David Petraeus resigned last week after admitting an affair with his biographer, Paula Broadwell. The affair was discovered after Broadwell allegedly sent threatening emails to a friend of the Petraeus family. (WDDDA?)

In this instance, with the General being head of the CIA and some various stories about email security being compromised, I guess we (the public) needed to know about this affair. I guess. If national security isn't being compromised why couldn't they just say that he was stepping down for personal reasons and keep it pushing? Makes me think there is so much more to this story than we are hearing. What did Broadwell have access to (that she should not have) and what was so damning that Petraeus needed to step down immediately, post haste, the same week of the election?

Petraeus is not elected, he's appointed. I find it difficult to believe that a man in service to this nation for over two decades, the MacArthur of our times would be out there swapping secrets for cocoa. My other question is, how much do we really need (or want) to know about our public officials? 

Does infidelity automatically make a public servant ineligible for continued service? I'm inclined to say that we have a higher set of expectation for those that are in the most sensitive and critical positions in government. I'm inclined to say that if you are running the Central INTELLIGENCE Agency, it's not too much to expect you to show some. Then again, I'm also inclined to say - I don't want to know what goes on behind closed doors. Especially if it has no impact on national security.

Unlike many others, I'm not finger pointing at the General or Ms. Broadwell. They did what they did and the current shitstorm they find themselves in is judgment enough, especially coming from many who sit in their own glass houses. But I have to admit, this one hurt my feelings a little bit. I liked Petraeus. He came across as a "for God and Country" Army Ranger who was about business regardless of politics. Married to the same woman (Holly, daughter of a general) for almost 40 years. If a guy like that can fall...

What say you, Bougieland? Do we really need to know?

Wednesday, November 07, 2012

Five Lessons Learned from #Election2012


Before I get too giddy, let's review the fact that 57 million Americans voted for Mittens. Let that sink in. 57 million people thought Romney would be a better President than Barack Obama. I'm sorry, I just can't see how 57 million people thought that guy was qualified to make world-impacting decisions on a daily basis. Now whether it was disappointment or racism or party loyalty - who knows. Either way, that number is frightening. Somehow, we have to unite and come together as a country. Though I must say when I pranced into Starbucks in my "Got Hope?" T-shirt this morning... whew. Honey if looks could kill I'd be decked out in the purple casket right now.

But let's take a look at five of the important takeaways from these long, brutal and at times down right ugly election:

1. No More Rich C-students: After G-Dub, the American people are not going to accept just any old entitled so-and-so with a bankroll for the Presidency. It's no longer enough to be a "likeable" guy and truth be told, Mitt wasn't that likeable. But the point is this - all told it's estimated that over two BILLION dollars was raised/spent in the effort to get Mittens to 1600 Penn. And apparently you can no longer buy the White House with a half-assed candidate. I'm not saying wasn't smart but at no time did he appear to be on Obama's level intellectually or politically.  Conclusion - the bar has been raised. You have to have a candidate who can stand on more than a black card and a trust fund.

2. Minorities are no longer minor - Fact of the matter is that the Republicans spent a lot of time trying to segregate and categorize people. They wanted women in one bucket (next to the stove and the cleaning supplies), blacks in another bucket (out back by the cotton fields). They sort of assumed that Latinos were either on welfare or illegal and they bashed China (there goes your Asian vote) at every opportunity. Conclusion - If you shade all the minorities, they band together, turn into a majority and vote against you. Obama got over 50% of women voters, over 70% of Latino voters and over 90% of African American voters. 

3. No country for murkiness - What I mean by this is that your candidate actually has to be about something. You can't toss out some half-assed policies (and change your mind next week) and promise to be more clear when you get elected. That's like asking someone to marry you on your first date. People need to know what they are getting. Two weeks before the election I still did not know what Mittens was for or against. Conclusion - You have to have a platform. Even if it sucks. State it, claim it and stick to it.

4. Birds of a Feather - Even if Mitt was charismatic and charming, he both endorsed and surrounded himself with some pure D idiots. You are your crew, sir. And Mitts' crew was a train wreck. Paul Ryan looked like a child seated next to Biden. Mourdock had foot in mouth disease. Trump appears to need psychiatric help and/or medication. Karl Rove is a blathering hot head. This does not a great brain trust make. Conclusion - You can't just appease the money folks. At some point you need to pick people who can help you and not hurt you. Also doesn't hurt to surround yourself with a variety of viewpoints, not just the ones you like to hear.

5. Hope rises, hate fails - Hate-mongering and fear speech are old and cold tactics. It's harder to scare people who have access to 24/7 news cycles and Google. Sure you can just make things up and fling them out there to see who takes the bait but as Grandma Blanche used to say - the truth will always out. The Republicans called Obama everything but a child of God. CEOs threatened to fire people. Romney told people their jobs were being shipped overseas. I could be here all day listing the shenanigans but the conclusion is this - you can't win on fear if the other side is offering hope. 

This second term won't be easy but I'll be really surprised if Obama doesn't take the gloves off and come out swinging. He has no more elections to win. With his re-election, the healthcare plan, the immigration reform and the equal pay laws stay in place. I believe he'll try and reach out across the aisle but I also believe he'll work around any obstruction as best he can with no looking back. While the first presidency was an ascension, this is a solidification. I look forward to seeing what comes next.

Exhale everybody. What did this election teach you?

Tuesday, November 06, 2012

This is how we do it.


Open Thread - What are you doing Election Night?


Whew! We're here. We made it. Tonight, come what may, we'll know who the Electoral College the money machines the American People elected for President in 2012. So how to get through this long, long night?

Apparently Jay and Joy have invited themselves to my house to watch election results this evening. I found this out when Annette sent word that she and John are coming too. And David says if they get to come over.... See how this goes? Casa de Michele might be bolted shut and locked down.

My plan was start in with Bloody Marys around 4:00pm (officially cocktail hour doncha know) and switch to varietal wines right about the time I know whether to dance for joy or hide under the bed weeping. I had planned to do all of this wearing baggy sweats and a raggedy ponytail. 

But over to you - what are you doing this evening? Watching the results? on what channel? Going ot a watch party? What will you do if your candidate doesn't win? How many beds should I reserve at the Casa de Bouge alongside the rainforest of Georgetown, Guyana? #NoJimJones

And certainly not least - who voted? How long did it take? Any drama? Do share...

Monday, November 05, 2012

"For" not "with" - An ITOFTS chronicle


I'll admit I'm not bouncing up and down with enthusiasm about dating again. Hence the I'm Too Old For This Shiggity (ITOFTS) Chronicles. But I'm a trooper, by golly. I keep trying. I keep plugging away. A few weeks ago, I was unloading groceries from my car to the trunk in the parking lot of SuperTarget when my 24-pack of bottled water broke for freedom and bottles flung themselves from the plastic, falling to the asphalt and rolling all over the darn place. 

Amazing how few people actually stop and assist. Even more amazing how people step over your bottles of water and look at you like "wow that sucks" as they keep it moving. One family stopped and the kids thought it was fun to scramble under cars searching for bottles and one guy stopped and helped me secure the rest before they went rolling as well.

I thanked everybody. Got the trunk loaded and noticed that the guy was still standing there smiling. I smiled back while wondering, "What does he want?" He extended his hand, "I'm Ty." I shook his hand, "Michele. Thanks again." I walked around to the driver's door and he was still standing there. I raised a brow. He grinned, "Would you like to get a drink some time?" Oh. Uh. "Sure." He raised his phone, snapped my picture and asked for my number. Alll riighty then. I gave him my Google Voice number. (That one-click "mark as spam" feature is amazing, you also can send certain numbers direct to neverneverland.)

It took a few days for our schedules to mesh but finally we met at trendy lounge on a Thursday night. It was packed. We sat at a tall table with bar stools  After drinks were ordered, we started the initial call-and-response of generic getting to know you questions. I noticed he asked more than he answered and some questions he seemed to deflect. I sipped quicker. So fifteen minutes in I was already two seconds away from an eyeroll, gulp and leave when they started playing music. I don't even remember what the song was but I remember kind of bopping my head and shoulders a little bit.

"Oh, you're a dancer," he said. I laughed, "I do dance but I'm not a dancer." He tilted his head, pointed to a patch of carpet in front of him and said, "Dance for me."

Pardon me? I kind of blinked rapidly and set my drink down positive I misheard him. "With you or for you?"

"For me. I'm wondering what you're willing to do to hold my attention. Get up and show me what you got." 

**crickets** Everyone within hearing distance was like, "What did he just say?"

I said nothing. I pulled out a $10, flung it on the table, tossed my hair back and did a Beyonce stomp towards the parking garage. Ty caught up with me and tapped me on the shoulder, "Did that offend you?"

I walked faster, talking as I went, "Dude - I don't know who you're used to dealing with. You asked me out. I'm not a stripper, I'm not here for your entertainment and I had a father, okay? You've got the wrong one."

Random dude getting out of his car with his boys was like, "Damn, she said she had a daddy, yo."

Ty shrugged, "I'm a commodity. Women want to impress me."

To which I laughed, "Actually I am a commodity. Men try not to insult me. You're free to go. We're done." (I know I was extra ya'll, I was just trying not to go full Shequenesha)

He shrugged again, "I could have five other women here in ten minutes who would dance for me whenever I want."

"Please call any or all of them." I got in my car and drove away. Two minutes later my cell phone announced a call coming in from Google Voice. Do you want to accept this call? No. Do you want to block this caller? Yes. Thank you. 

BougieLand... why? Really. Who the hell (besides Krystal from The House of Cheeks) is getting up booty shaking for random dudes in the martini bar? Who? I'll say it one mo' gin - I'm too old for this shiggity.

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