Tuesday, May 29, 2012

Summer Heat, Anniversaries and Black Bloggers

You know it's hot in Texas when you have to escape to Florida to get a breeze. BougieMom and I are chilling in Fort Lauderdale for a few days visiting BougieSis. Also my godparents, who are some of the most marvelous people on the planet, are here to celebrate their 51st wedding anniversary. Fifty-one years?! Can you even imagine? On top of that, they still really not only love each other but like each other. How much awesomeness is that?

Thursday, I'll be heading north to attend the Blogging while Brown convention in Philadelphia. Looking forward to putting a lot of names/Twitter handles with faces there. From there, I'll be back in Dallas for a few days then it's off to Houston for the National Black Book Festival. H-town, I'm thinking cocktails the evening of Saturday the 8th. Stay tuned.

We're doing a wonderful thing at the "keep the lights on" job called Summer Hours. That's every Monday off from now through Labor Day. Cheers for the three-day weekends! I can get my 2012 release publicized and my 2013 release written. 

In between all that, I'll be heading to Punta Mita, Mixico for some R&R in June and back to celebrate BougieMom's 80th birthday in early July. It's shaping up to be quite the summer.

BougieLand, what do you have planned for this summer?

Friday, May 25, 2012

Are you focused on the Plan instead of the (Wo)Man

I know a lot of married people. A lot, a lot, a lot. And for those in my age bracket, I'm sad to say that about 70% of them are not happy. I mean like Not. Happy. At. All. My older brother and I were talking about it and we've heard a lot of the same stories. Some people didn't want to get married in the first place but thought "it was time". Others knew early in the marriage that it wasn't going to work out but decided to adopt a "wait and see" attitude. Others have grown apart. Others just kind of let things dissolve into "whateverness". 

I'm just wondering how many people get to the point where they are just ready to kick the Life Plan into effect. Get married, have kids, live happily ever after and so they just shoehorn the person they are currently with into the Plan. Women have the added pressure of the biological time clock detonating at any given moment and we've all surely seen how that affects life mate decision making.

If I had a dime for every time I heard a guy say, "Well, she had put in the time and I was going to get married eventually anyway." Or every time a girl admitted, "I was just ready to get married." Good people, we call that settling and that rarely works out well in the long run.

Having been proposed to a few times (truly not bragging on that),  I have to ask myself - what are you waiting on and what are you looking for? And I know that I'm waiting on the absolute sense that I'm marrying the right person for the long-term not just someone it might be cool to be married to for a little while.

I've given enough speeches about how there are worse things in the world than being single so I'll just save that rant. Instead, I'll get your opinions - Do you think too many people settle for the good of The Plan? Or do you think too many people hold out for that perfect soul mate? Just curious about your thoughts. The floor is yours.

Thursday, May 24, 2012

Why are you counting?

I think it was @VeronicaMarche who tweeted something yesterday to make me recall this guy...

I remember a second date with a guy a few years back. Over the appetizer course, he explained to me that it usually took him two dates or the equivalent of knowing a woman for an average of 17 days before he got them into bed. He went onto explain that most of his relationships lasted about six to nine months and over that course of time, he generally liked to average stirring the cocoa about five or six times a week. Sometime between serving up #60 and #80 women tended to tire of him. He didn't know why. Shocking.

I was fascinated, repulsed and totally through with old boy all at the same time. The only question I could ask was, "So you count?"

"Of course, these things are important to keep track of." Are they really?!

BougieLand?! With the exception of teenagers who don't know any better, long-distance lovers on a countdown or folks working on fertility/ovulation... I don't get it. Who counts days until, days in between and how many times over the course of a relationship? And how do you count? Exactly? Are there bonus points for marathon sessions? Do um.. multiple boil-overs of cocoa count separately? Subtractions for do-overs? And what is the point of counting? Tell me why?! Please respond. 

Wednesday, May 23, 2012

Let's compare: Worst Pick-Up Places Ever!!!

When guys ask girls why they are "so mean" when all a fella is trying to do is say hello, I ask gents to look to your other less sophisticated brethren and point the finger of ratchetery exactly where it belongs. Some of you fellas could stand to share some of your cocoasmoothe with the raggedy amongst you.

I had reached my early 30s thinking that the dude who tried to pick me up outside a women's gas station restroom (like saw me go in and waited for me to come out to holla) was the tackiest pick up ever. Little did I know what the future would hold. So I present to you, without further ado my top three worst places where guys have tried to holla:

#3 The OB/GYN waiting room: Yes, I was in Dr. ViJayJay's waiting room when a dude who came in with SOMEONE else waited until she stepped to the back to slide down two seats. "Hey, am I encroaching on another man's territory if I ask how you doing today?" Everyone in the waiting turned to look at him like - fo' real doe, playa? Thankfully, they called me back and I never had to formulate an answer.

#2 The hospital hallway outside of radiology: Picture it. Me, less than 24 hours after surgery. Just finished a photo spread of my internal organs. Posted up in the wheelchair waiting for a tech to wheel me back to my room. My hair was doing it's best Bam-Bam impersonation. My lips were crusty from God knows what. And yes, I was rocking Hospital Gown chic, an oversize tent hanging off one shoulder while two blankets gave me a swaddled look. Anti-nausea patch behind one ear and morphine drip in my arm. So sexy. "Hey Ma, you waiting on somebody?" I blink blearily, "Huh?" "Just saying if you wanna break outta here and go do something, I'm your man." I blink again, "Huh?" He laughs, "Come see me in a day or two. I'm Willie. Everybody know me round here. I'm good people. Holla!" Off he went and I thought I dreamed it until I got a card from the hospital staff the other day. Willie signed with "get at me" under his name. And I repeat, "Huh?"

And the NUMBER ONE worst place I've ever been hit on... The luncheon reception at the church after my father's funeral. I stepped out into the hallway just to get a minute where I didn't have to smile and act like I was pleased to be dining with 400 folks when my father was fresh in the ground. Not thirty seconds later, dude my father's age came sidewinding up looking all somber. "Did you know Doc?" He asked. "Yes." I replied. "He was the best." He said shaking his head. "The best." I repeated. "You know, in times like this maybe you need something to take your mind off it all. Just cut loose." I side-eyed the hell out of him, "You think so?" "Oh yeah, I know this little spot up the street where we could get a glass of wine, talk about the good times." My Aunt Vi stepped into the hallway, "Mich, we're going to go." The guy took a step back. "Oh, you the baby girl. Little Mich." I smiled, "Um-hmm." "Oh. A-ight den." Dude took off so fast in the other direction I had to wonder what my father had said about me. I had completely forgotten about that until making this list. Classic. Holla-Man Cat Daddy at the Funeral - sounds like a play, doesn't it?

Bougieland, whatcha got? What's the worst pick-up place you've ever seen?

Tuesday, May 22, 2012

Ask a Bougie Chick - So I'm Dating this Black Guy...

Ya know, every now and then I just wonder about folks. I really, truly do. I don't care about interracial dating, I have the whole United Nations up in my family - whatever makes you happy, do you boo-boo. But this letter right here? It threatened to bring out my inner Shaniqua and turn her a-loose... up in here... up in here. Partake ye of this missive, if you will:
Hey Chele!
I've been reading BnB for a while even though I'm not black or bougie. Hope that's okay. Well, that was stupid. Of course it's okay. You always say its equal opp and all of that. I find a lot of your stuff so funny and universal. I love the advice that you and the other BnBer's give out to the Ask a Bougie chick segment so I thought I'd write in as well.  
I'm 22 and about to graduate college and I've been dating a black guy for about two years. I really want him to propose this summer. My family really likes him, his is not so accepting of me. I don't know if it's a color thing or just me. And I know this sounds terrible but I feel like if he was a white guy I would know what to say or do to get him thinking about marriage. 
I kind of hinted about what comes next for us a few weeks ago and he said, "Let's see what the summer brings." I found a job not too far away, he has one year left on his business degree. I guess that means wait and see? 
He's dated some pretty impressive sisters before dating me and I can't help wondering if that's holding him back from taking the next step. Maybe he only wants to marry a sister? Maybe I'm confusing myself and making it into a big thing for nothing. What do you and your readers think? What can I do to get the ring? 
Thanks! WC/DC (White Chick in DC!)
Hey there. I'm just going to call you Clue because you kinda need to get one. There is so much in this letter that makes me want to send you to Diversity Sensitivity Training Modules 1, 2 and 3 that I hardly know where to begin. Maybe I'm not reading this right but are you truly thinking that there's some magic you could do to get a white guy to propose that won't work on a black guy? And furthermore, do you truly think we ("the sisters") are in possession of this magic?

Maybe I should have started with - do you really think there's some proposal magic? Some special series of events, dinners and sexual acts that will have a man belting out "Marry Me" from rooftops? Is your life a Disney film or a Nicholas Sparks' romance? Do you perhaps watch too much Dr. Phil or read too many "How to Catch a Man in XXX days" novels?

Okay, excuse the snark. Lemme ask you this - have you asked him what his thoughts are about marriage? Specifically to you? And in what time frame? Did you try going directly to the source before soliciting some random blogger who knows nothing about your boo? Or did you honestly think my sage, all-knowing, never been married self would rattle off a 10-steps to 10 carats for you? 

Pardon the snark once again. You came to me for help. Let me see if the BnB faithful have something for you.

BougieLand - got any magic answers for girlie? Ladies, want to share how you got your cocoa king to the altar (in 5 easy steps or less please)? Fellas, care to share an insider's tip on how to make ya'll put a ring on it before those autumn leaves get to falling? Anyone, anything? I got nothing...

Monday, May 21, 2012

Don't take this the wrong way but...

It was not my greatest weekend. Not to get too graphic for the gents but I suffered the kind of cramps that over-the-counter medications just laugh at while screaming, "I can't do nuthin' for ya!" That curled up in a fetal position asking Jesus to forgive you for whatever you did wrong to cause this kind of pain. Finally, Sunday morning I started pulling it back together. Enough to get a few things done, eat a little something and lay on the heating pad with my Kindle in my hand. So when the cell phone rang at about six p.m., I grabbed it without looking.

"This is Michele."

"Hey Michele - this is Yvetta. I'm not sure you remember me."

I didn't so I stayed silent.

"I am a friend of -fill in yada yada here- and we met at the holiday party. I got your number from -some random chick who is friends with David's boss' crazy-assed wife-" Okay, some chick who knows somebody who knows somebody who knows David. 

"Sure, what's up?"

Let's pause for a moment here. There are a few phrases that tell me that some bullshiggity is about to come up out of someone's month. Here's a short list:
  • Let me be perfectly honest...
  • Before you say anything...
  • Don't take this the wrong way...
  • What I really mean to say is...
  • If you want to get technical about it...
  • This is just my opinion but....
Um. All forecast phrases of shiggity. Let's continue.

"Don't take this the wrong way but... we were wondering what your long term plans are with David?"

Hmm. Don't take this the wrong way = Strike One. WE were wondering = Strike Two. Plans with David = Strike Three. 

"Who exactly is we?"

"Oh," she giggled, "there's a group."

"Yvetta?" I said in the calmest tone I could muster.


"I don't know who raised you, how old you are or why you thought this call would be a good idea. But let me assure you that this is not cute, I am not amused and David won't be either. I can say for your information that women who act like this? Not his cup of tea. At all. If you are coming for him, step your game up. And let this be the last time your fingers dial these here digits. Are we clear?"

"Look here now..."

"Are we clear?"

"Yes ma'am."

Damn Skippy. Young assed chickies playing on the phone. For good measure I called DLC and broke him off a piece of my mind about his fan club. Let's just say no one rested easy that evening. Well I did because I was on the good pain meds. 

BougieLand. It must be asked: What part of the game is that?! What would you have done/said instead?

Sunday, May 13, 2012

Salutations, Congratulations and Sadness

I'll start with the salutations - greetings to all the moms, moms-to-be, aunties who mother, stepmoms, mamas without the title and grandmoms - Happy Mother's Day. Toughest job on the planet and for those of you who do it well or don't do it so well but keep on trying, this weekend is yours. Soak up all the love and appreciation, it's richly deserved.

Next, I send out congratulations to all our newly minted grads out there. Special "you go girl" to @Asmith86 for getting that Master's from Vandy. A-Sizzle has supported this blog from jump even when she was juggling finals, jobs, internships, and all else that comes with. In the words of @Reads4Pleasure - "We love you, Ashykins."

Last and certainly not least, it is with heavy, heavy heart that I share that we have lost a treasured member of the BnB Fam. Our great friend @GammasWorld passed away this weekend. Though I'd only met her on phone and internet, she was a delight and brought so much humor and positivity to everything she did. Her DMs encouraging me in my career, private life... priceless. She was a sweetheart in every sense of the word. She'll be deeply missed. My sincerest condolences go out to her family. Prayers up for them in this difficult time. RIP Vickie. You are loved.

Today's takeaway - there is not a moment to waster. Tomorrow is promised to no one. Give your loved ones an extra hug.

Friday, May 11, 2012

When animals attack (Bougie edition)

As you may know, I've had my adventures with "critters" round here. (For those who missed it read here and here.) My struggle continues...

For some reason last week, BougieMom got it into her head to sweep up all the various dead leaves and insects in the garage and dump the charming combination into a box in a corner of the garage. I pointed out that since we live next to an open field in Texas, that was an invitation for "varmints" to come on in. She just laughed at me.

Fast forward to yesterday. BougieMom is off in North Carolina visiting BougieOlderBro and I have the house to myself. I decided to run up to the store at about 2:00pm. I swung open the garage door and heard a squawk, a flapping of wings and then saw some flavor of bird dive bombing me. Eeek! I slammed the door shut. Then I thought, okay really Michele? What's the worst a bird can do?

I opened the door slowly and the bird was perched atop Mom's BMW all gangstery looking at me like "who gon' check me, boo" - beady eyes all malevolent and what not. So I opened the garage thinking that the bird would have sense enough to fly away to freedom. No. He (She, who knows?) flew up to perch on some wires tacked to the ceiling of the garage.

What to do? I didn't want to leave the bird in there, looking around the creature had liberally "shared his offerings" all over the damn place. So I grabbed a broom and began swinging towards the bird on the assumption that this would prompt the thing to sense danger and flee. Hells no. The bird was clearly laughing at me and did not move an inch. So now I've taken a batter's stance and I'm about to swing for the fences when he started flying towards me. Of course I was shrieking and swinging the broom and ducking at the same time causing me to stumble into the side of my car and bang my knee.

Plus my body decided to remind me that I had surgery less than three weeks ago and all this jumping, swinging, spinning nonsense was not on the agenda yet. I got angry. And the bird finally figured out I was not playing and flew towards the back of the garage. Mr. Bird was trying to build some sort of elaborate setup in the box o' garage crapola BougieMom had stashed back there. I kicked the box in the street and swung at the bird one last time who finally flew across the yard to perch on the mailbox. 

I hustled to back the car out and close the garage before it could swoop back in. Why when I was pulling back in an hour later was I scanning the sky waiting for that damn bird to come back? What can I say... I like nature from a distance. 

Thoughts, comments, sympathies?

Wednesday, May 09, 2012

What makes one sorry? (And no, we don't mean apologetic)

And the buffoonery from the marriage struggle post continues. We  now turn our attention to my Facebook inbox which I generally ignore. But in the process of doing my "DELETE ALL" my eye fell on the title "You sistas ain't down for the struggle" - Hmm.

Opening this email, I was first assaulted by the irreverent overusage of ALL CAPS. A few phrases that jumped out at me:

"YOU B*TCHES wouldn't know what to do WITH A GOOD MAN ANYWAY"
"MAYBE you don't know WHAT SORRY means"

*repeats mantra in head* I'm taking the high road, this is a teachable moment. Woo-sah. *repeats 8 times*

The sorriness is not in not having a job. It's not wanting a job or a better job to improve your lot in life. I'll ignore the b*tches comment since that is the mantra of the Sorry-Ass Person assuming no one knows what to do with them. (We do, that's why we leave you alone). Sexing... what? Ugh. Bougie Chicks like me? Good look finding those. But this dude's last point. Maybe I don't know what sorry means? Let's get into that a little.

Let's bring this up a few levels. What, by general definition, makes one sorry? Well, first let's define sorry as we're using it here..
The Urban Dictionary defines sorry as: The state of being worthless, or poor in quality.
Merriam Webster defines sorry as: inspiring sorrow, pity, scorn, or ridicule : pitifulThe Wiktionary defines sorry as: poor, sad or regrettable
So, based on this I think I can come with a list of at least five characteristics of the truly sorry:
1. One who promises one thing and does another  (maliciously)
2. Liars, cheaters, thieves
3. Ne'er do wells, layabouts and lazy asses
4. Folks who find no fault in themselves but plenty in others
5. Idiots who have time to send emails such as the above

Any contributions to the list? Thoughts, comments, insights?

Tuesday, May 08, 2012

The Blame Game... again

Last Friday, I shared a story about a friend of mine who is struggling. Her circumstances with her husband are problematic but she is determined to remain true to her commitment to him. I really shared it in the context of "there but for the grace of God go I". But some of you simply could not help yourselves from climbing up on a high horse and going in. You were bold enough to email me your points of view while being too chickenshiggity to reveal your thoughts in the public comments section. I did not reply back to any of you who wrote. There's a forum for that. Here. In the comments section. But I will share a few of these folks' thoughts and my responses.

1. For the 6 women who wrote various forms of "Your friend should be glad she has a man" - Really? That's what's hot in da streetz? As long as you have any ole man, you should be grateful and glad? I vehemently reject that doctrine. Ve. Hem. Ent. Ly.

2. To the two women who declared, "I would've divorced him the minute he lost his job" - So... not too attached to the actual covenant part of marriage, hmm? Divorce is not always the answer. And having the divorce option on a hair trigger seems a wee bit shallow. If you want a relationship where you can bail the moment things get tough, marriage may not be for you. 

3. To the 3 men and 1 woman who suggested, "She should initiate sex" - Why should she if doesn't want to? Perhaps you meant to write "she could initiate sex" which makes far more sense. I'm not even to get into the one dude's assumption that sex is some sort of magical cure-all "everything looks better after some hot cocoa" - oh. Alright then.

4. To the one check with four paragraphs who preached, "A lot of women would kill for a man making $40k a year" - And a lot of women wouldn't. Particularly if the man was making close to 4x that when they met. Of course she's happy he's bringing in some income but sweetie, don't impose your set of standards on other women. And the "so many women have men who make less that $20k" argument falls flat. Good for them, what's that got to do with this situation?

5. For the over ten people who  asked, "She took vows for better of for worse, this is worse - what's the problem?" Believe me, she knows this is the "worse" section, no reminder needed. Is she supposed to hmm merrily and act like it's all okay?

My overall reaction - why are some folks' so determined to make it the woman's fault? Or to assign fault at all? Why not just agree that the situation is troubling, make a suggestion or two and move on? 

It's not just on this blog - it's everywhere. It seems as though people cannot size up a troubling situation without assigning blame and getting judgmental. Far as I know, Jesus has not come back yet and no one else is perfect. Glass houses, people. Help me out - Why play the blame game? Who does it help? 

Friday, May 04, 2012

One of my Relationship Nightmares: Not As Advertised

I was talking to a girlfriend of mine this week. She sounded awful, exhausted and at the end of her rope. Quickly I knew this wasn't going to be one of those "hi girl, bye girl" conversations. Over the course of the next hour she shared what her life had become and I had to dig deep (I mean DEEP) to find a way to put a positive spin and some upbeat next steps together for her.

Long story short, she met and married a guy over ten years ago. He was tall, good-looking, professional, well-paid, with attainable goals and dreams and best of all, he loved her for her. Fast forward to today. He's still tall and he still loves her. Everything else has gone off the rails. He lost his corporate job (four years ago) at $120k and is doing some customer service work for about $40k and has given up the search for anything better. He's gained about seventy-five pounds. He comes home and instead of helping out around the house, he watches soap operas that he's DVR'd for the day. And he's lost all will to better their circumstances. They have not been intimate in over 6 months. Yesterday the house was almost foreclosed on and they had to call their mothers to help out.  

As you can imagine, this has been hard for her to absorb. She, on the other hand, is still on a successful career track. She has shouldered the extra weight of fiscal responsibility by doing consulting in addition to her full-time gig. She is raising her daughter and his son (from a previous marriage) as best she can with a packed schedule and a heavy heart. Her health is starting to show signs of wear and tear. In short, he's falling off and she's about to fall out.

Now granted, I'm only hearing her side of the story. As she's telling me this, I'm freaking out inside. She did it all the "right" way. She dated him for two years before getting married. She met his family, his friends, his frat brothers. Brother is church going, family oriented, and college educated (not that that's an indicator of ambition). One of my relationship nightmares is that I marry a dude thinking we're both on the same page, headed in the right direction and planning on building a life together and then one day out of the blue he becomes sofa-surfing dude waiting on me to come home and fix his dinner. I. Can. Not. So as she's telling me to make sure I choose wisely all I'm hearing in my head is - there's no prevent defense for this? Is there no early indicator that your upstanding hustling husband is one day going to turn into an ambitionless couch potato? And what's the fix?

BougieLand: Thoughts, comments, insights?

Thursday, May 03, 2012

Ask a Bougie Chick - Out of the Friend Zone, now what?

Today, we have a letter from Rae. She and E decided to move out of the Friend Zone and take the relationship to the "next level" but now she's seeing a few changes she's not sure what to do with. Take a look -
Hey Chele,
I have a question for you. I'm writing cause I'd love to get your feedback & the feedback from the BnB'ers on a situation in my life right now. So I've had this friend, E, since 2005. For years we were just e-friends, we would email, IM, text, etc but we were on opposite coasts so we hadn't met in person. Over the years we developed a very close friendship & we told each other a lot. We finally met in person & there was a lot of chemistry...so much that we decided to be in a relationship, with the goal of us being the same city within the next year.  
I absolutely adore him, I love him & I love our relationship. There's just one problem - something has shifted in our relationship since we went from being just friends to being bf/gf. His interaction with me isn't the same as it was when we were just friends - he seems to be more territorial about me. Is this what happens when you go from friends to romantic relationship? Can you date a friend & have nothing change about the interaction? Was it wrong for me to expect that nothing would change?
Thanks a bunch! Rae
Hmm. To answer your questions in order - Yes, No, and Yes. :-) Since you two already had a solid foundation, once the clothes came off or the love was declared, that's all in. Once you go all in, the game gets serious. A man is entitled to be a little insecure in the beginning. Before when you didn't return his phone call for a day because you were out with your friends? Cool. Now - where you at, mami? The fact that you don't live in the same city just intensifies that insecurity. He's all in, he wants to make sure you are too. But I'll turn it over to BougieLand.

Good people, what can you expect to change when you move out of the Friend Zone and into LoveLand? How much leeway do you give in the beginning of a relationship for a bit of insecurity/jealousy/territoriality? What can you do to make it better from a distance? Thoughts, comments, insights for Rae? Do share...

Wednesday, May 02, 2012

Human Resources WNTD #5308 - Go Gangsta about your compensation

As many of you know, I've been in H. R-uh for over 15 years. I've seen and heard a lot of good, a lot of bad and a lot of ugly. So every now and again, I like to share from the HR What Not To Do files for your education and entertainment. Usually though, I'm not the subject of the WNTD.

However, I have been fed up with my overall compensation package for a minute. Every time I tried to address it, I was diverted/shuffled/shutdown and basically foiled at every turn. So I waited until after performance appraisals were completed and I "succeeded expectations" across the board. I waited until they announced the well-over-projected profits on the recruiting project I handled solo for the majority of the year. And then I waited until I had other options lined up in case this discussion did not go well. Then I scheduled time on the Project Director's calendar to discuss my "career progression" and sent her an agenda of what I wanted to discuss.

Now all of that is the right way to launch a discussion about salary. Almost textbook in fact. What happened next... is not. 

I had a whole intro and a speech put together but by the time we wrapped up the chitchat, all I could say was - 'This is way too much work for way too little money. You can pay me more, work me less, or put me on another account where they will pay me more or work me less but I've hit the wall. So what's it going to be?"

**dead silence** And then finally she says, "How much more are we talking about?"

#Score! I named an outlandishly high number, she named a number that was what I really wanted all along and we agreed. Two hours later I received an email confirming my new comp. Bougie Gangsta. (Don't try this at home, folks)

BougieLand, have you asked for a raise before? How did it go and what did you learn? The floor is yours...

Tuesday, May 01, 2012

Fellas - do you really want easy for the long haul?

Le Dude and I were squabbling over various and sundry, real and imagined beefs the other day when in what was clearly a moment of pure frustration, Dude heaved a sigh and exclaimed, "I'm just having a hard time with you, every other woman I've dated eventually fell in line and did what I wanted."

Yep. Let that sink in. Marinate in that por uno momento.

I did not let it sink in, I burst into peals of delighted laughter. (As did BougieMom when I told her, I mean she literally slid off her chair into gales of giggles. "He's met you right?" Side-eye, Nellie Mae. Side. Eye. Anywho...) I asked him in all seriousness, "If that's what you wanted, what are you doing with me? You had to know the chances of me going all Coming-to-America-Whatever-You-Like were slim to negative damn none."

"I know. I know. I don't really want you to change. I just want you to be a little easier."


I won't get into a whole thing about how I'm really not that hard on him. Bless his heart that at nearly 18 months he can still get clueless from time to time. Nor will I point out that his own mama told me on the day she met me that the boy has been spoiled by women all his life and needs "a firm hand." None of that is here nor there. (It really isn't. Please don't write me a ton of comments about how he (or I) should know better, do better, speak better.)

Nor are we discussing "easy" as in dropping drawers for a Big Mac and fries. This is easy like Sunday morning easy, smooth sailing, few ripples on the water easy. Stay bougie with me, people.

Now that I've given the example, let's not make this about David and I. I'm taking this hypothetical- Why would a man who swears he wants an equal want a woman (for the long run) who just gives in all the time? I should think having someone just constantly cosign would be exhausting. Far more exhausting than debating divergent points of views and settling on a compromise? Or am I being naive? 

And I wonder from both points of view - does a woman want a man she can bend to her will at ease? Is doormatism really hot in the streets? Fellas? Ladies? Thoughts, insights, comments? Do share...


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