Friday, December 28, 2012

'Tis the season for Tomfoolery...


I received a FedEx package today. I was very excited because BougieOlderBro got me the new Kindle and it's been lost in UPS hell since last Thursday. (No, I didn't think it through. Just grabbed the box). I ripped it open and lacy lingerie fell out. Cheeky boyshorts in a rainbow array of colors to be exact. Oh. Clearly not a Kindle. Obviously not from my brother.

I take a second to read the front of the package. It's from an ex. I dig out a note - hope to see you soon. Hmm. Really tho? I look at the items a little closer. They are a size two/XS. Say what? Yes, I've lost weight but not in my adult life have I or will I fit into a size 2/Extra Small anything. Ever. (Did I say ever? Yep.) As I'm contemplating what to think or what to do with aforementioned drawers, I receive a text from this ex. "Hope you like the scarf." 

**crickets** followed by **blinkety blinkety blink**

So wait a minute now. Either someone sent the wrong gift to the wrong person or someone is playing games. Either way, I chose not play. I wrote a note "Pretty sure these aren't meant for me" and resealed the box. Caught FedEx guy before he left the apartment complex. These undies are going to return to sender.

People. I CAN NOT. What would you do in this situation?

Girlfriend of mine called. She's been dating a guy for about two years now. Over Thanksgiving they went ring shopping so you know what she was expecting for Christmas. Christmas Day she gets up and he's sprawled out under the Christmas tree buck-assed naked with a bow wrapped around his "candy cane"... he announced that he was the only present she needed that year. She played it off but was crushed all day. More so the next day when she found out he bought himself a new Lexus and all she got was a bow around something she'd had before... I'm just saying. BougieLand - what say you? Cute, corny or c'mon son?

Anyone get gifts they absolutely loved (I got a sparkly dress for Inauguration Weekend - so excited!), gifts they just didn't understand (see six 2 drawers story above) or any disappointments (Amazon, please free my new Kindle)? Do share.

Yes, I know the season is about more than gifts. Please don't preach in my comments section today...

47 comments:

Soraya said...

What was this dude hoping? That you'd call back all flattered that he wanted to see you in silk and lace? It must have worked on someone else before, smh.

I have no words for Mr Bowdick. None at all.

Soraya said...

What was this dude hoping? That you'd call back all flattered that he wanted to see you in silk and lace? It must have worked on someone else before, smh.

I have no words for Mr Bowdick. None at all.

quinne said...

Im really hoping that the panty gift was for someone else for 2 reasons them being the wrong size and the fact he said scarf in the text... (i know that hope is probably futile but let me live LOL)

as far as the gift of schlong, dude was out of pocket for that being the ONLY gift, i can see doing that as a gag but still having SOMETHING to give to my girl

my christmas was great this year as far as gifts got bowl game tickets to see my favorite team, my wife made a photo montage of my hometown for my man cave and my parents sent me some detroit stuff so I was great... i think until i have kids Christmas is now at the point of if i get something cool but if not no biggie i treat myself enough during the year. (but I know to still take care of the wife, she loved her Michael Kors sneakers)

thinklikeRiley said...

Naw. Hell naw. Is dis what's hot in da streetz?
Ninjas sending drawz all willy-nilly and wrapping dey junk like it's platinum?
Dis some oel bullshyt.
*kicks hole in wall, puts on Public Enemy and slams door on way out*

Grace said...

Girl wait. One - you need to be really about a relationship to send the Vicki's. The ex was dead ass wrong ESPECIALLY if he sent the wrong damn thing.
Two - Dude bought himself a Lex and gave girlfriend a ... candy cane?
No sir.
My best friend's husband bought her a Dysom vacuum cleaner. Sure it's $300 but a vacuum for Christmas? So damn wrong.

Jubi The Great said...

I'm gonna assume old boy put the wrong label on the wrong box, and Ms. Size 2 ended up with your scarf. That's why you dont seal the boxes until you've labeled & made sure the right stuff is going to the right person.

This year I asked for stuff to build up my wardrobe for my new job, so I got lots of work clothes & jewelry, along with a beautiful set of pearl jewelry which I love. I got myself a Nexus 7 as a Christmas present which I love.

Sol_dier said...

How many kindles do you have?. lol. I swear I've read at least 2 prev posts about kindles on here. 
re: ex with the panties.. I have nothing but giggles.
re : dude with the bow on the man parts. I'd leave him. 

This xmas : we no longer swap gifts in the fam. but a client got an amazing bottle of scotch. 

tiffanyinhouston said...

Draws in a box to the wrong person and dick with a bow are never acceptable gifts.

We didn't exchange gifts because I couldn't decide what I wanted, we both just got new phones and he'd gotten a new tablet in the last 30 days prior. The parents gifted us with some restaurant gift cards and assorted odds and ends. I didn't really want much this year except for it to be OVER. This has not been the best year ever.

hairouna said...

How do you fix your face to give someone warmed over cocoa for Christmas? After y'all been ring shopping? And he bought himself a Lexus? He couldn't even give ole girl a poinsettia? Some socks? An iTunes gift card?

And who doesn't check the box before they put on the label? Do better! It's 10 in the morning and I'm already to tired for this foolishness. 

Drea said...

I would have asked for the receipt for the candy cane wrapped in a bow! Ha! He needs to do much better.

Drea said...

I would have asked for the receipt for the candy cane wrapped in a bow! Ha! He needs to do much better.

Angel on a Quest said...

No. Just no. What in the hairy heck?! First, it's easy to see why ex is ex. Second, you're all I need this year? You do know that every year, we're conditioned to version upgrades, right? Where's yours?

I am loved and beloved this Christmas. Not much by way of gifts, but this was probably the best Christmas in a long time. If anyone wants to contribute to the regular-massage regimen I'm trying to develop in the new year, though, I'll send you details ;)

Hope all of BougieLand has had a terrific holiday season!!
xoxoxo

OneChele said...

Ha! I had 2, I gave two away. Awaiting new one. I'm spoiled, I admit this. ;-)

OneChele said...

Cosign. I really need to go back and make sure that every year for the past three years I haven't said Woo! I'm ready to hit reset. But I suspect I have... Le Sigh. That's an issue.

David Chase said...

for the record, it wasn't me. IJS- that's a whole level of ratchet I hope I never discover.
As for the "wrap it up" guy - lazy is never hot.

superwoman said...

@DavidChase.... so noted. hahahahhahahahhaah!!

SouthernWes said...

What? Dude put a bow on it and said Merry Christmas?
What part of the game...

Mo said...

My cousin re-gifted me a size 12  dress and, I'm size 2. She was being vindictive, but that is her. I did not let it bother  me. Overall, had a nice christmas. Can't wait for 2012 to end. Ready for 2013.

rozb said...

What kind of clueless so and so takes a woman ring shopping and then offers his junk in a bow, no ring in sight? Then buys himself a Lexus? I hope she is ready to keep it moving, because that is some lazy, trifling ish!!!

And sending a box of "drawls" obviously meant for somebody else? I don't know what part of the game that is.

You have the best adventures - may they be less ratchet in the New Year!

BAnjeeB said...

The experiences I read here make me hold my head up and walk out into the world fully prepared to face much of the foolishness that I encounter.

He laid in front of the tree with a bow...and then said that was all she needed?!?! Maaaannn, I'm not sure I would have been able to spend the day with him. I hope he brings the new year in better.

The box o' delicates...I got nothin.

I spent the holiday surrounded by neices and nephews who kept me giggling.  

GrownAzzMan said...

Chele,

Thanx for the fresh bougie and the laugh. Always a good way to start the day. Christmas has a way of bringing out the unintentional comedy!

The Fickle Goddess said...

I hope your friend dumped that dude.  

blackprofessor said...

Thanks for the laughs; both of these stories are just ratchet, people need to do better!

I got what I really needed - love!  I am going through a tough time and folks have shown up in ways that I can't describe without tearing up. 

Happy New Year Bougieland.

chriscogmta said...

folks taking that Justin Timberlake SNL skit too far!! What makes you think your "dexter st. james" is so special that it's a gift all by itself? also, did she "accept" his gift? cause if she did, poo poo for her too.

now this mix up of gifts thing....i have done that before so i feel for ol' buddy (not really tho).  It's possible he just mixed some stuff up.  I once mixed up the gift cards i had for my mother and my little brother...so maybe it was an accident??? *crosses fingers and hopes for the best*

CorettaJG said...

Ugh! Just . . . ugh!

Thankfully Louisiana people in the area (Creole in DC) made my Christmas Day lovely as I awaited heading home to Baton Rouge for New Year's.  My immediate family doesn't really do gifts lately but my dad did sponsor my tix for the official Inauguration Ball and my sister let me transfer my birthday gift (Kennedy Center Honors tix that didn't work out) to the Alvin Ailey Dance Theater Opening Night Gala at the Kennedy Center. I'm happy!

Leo the Yardie Chick said...

*headdesks* *headdesks some more*

When the $%^^# was it ever acceptable to send an ex lingerie, or anything that smacks of sexy-times? As for that gift-wrapped cocoa stirrer for Christmas.....iCannot. iRefuse.

Leo the Yardie Chick said...

 "My best friend's husband bought her a Dysom vacuum cleaner."

........................................right.

N.M.C. said...

YOOO!!!! 
*facepalm*
*facepalms x4*

WHERE DO THEY DO THIS?!?!?! Like, WHAT!?!? The stories you tell make me glad I'm single..

I WILL say this year was a bust as far as gifts were concerned.. my mom usually heads to Costco and buys me a big bottle of body wash and an jumbo pack of tampons.. >_<.. along with a check I usually can't cash until the next year.. (by next year, I mean one Christmas she asked for the check she had written the year before, added $20 to it and wrote me another one) 
this year, my mother's membership expired.. so I got a dollar store toothbrush, a tube of toothpaste and a bottle of creamer for my coffee..
  she said she was gonna get me the tampons, but Tagret was closing.. I looked her int he face and said, "I'mma need that SOON!!"

my brother got me 2 bottles of apple juice...
What life is this!?!?!?!

CaliGirlED said...

I can't with either of these stories!!!

1) I would likely have sent a note that said, "I didn't get the scarf and whoever these itty bitty panties are for probably didn't like the scarf!"

2) Of all the baldheaded reindeer games to play!!! Woosah....At this point in my life, I'm almost certain that would be the last holiday we spent together. a) Ring shopping for Thanksgiving but no ring for Christmas + 2 years in relationship = You don't want to marry me! b) You bought yourself a Lexus + gave me an old Peter wrapped in a bow = You don't want to marry me!

CaliGirlED said...

After all the doggone jokes about appliances as gifts, you mean folks are still doing this ish! SMH

CaliGirlED said...

*sends hugs to you both*

CaliGirlED said...

This is probably the first year in many that I'm not saying that!

CaliGirlED said...

Knew it wasn't you....drawers in the mail nor a scarf match up to the stories that have been shared about you, good, bad or whatever!

CaliGirlED said...

You did not let it bother you??? I swear you folks stay making my Christianity look miniscule! Bless your sweet heart Mo, I might have gotten disowned that day! SMH

CaliGirlED said...

Peace and blessings to you!

DB said...

 Maybe he is trying to tell her that she needs to step up her cleaning.

DB said...

 As for the "candy cane" present, it worked for him so someone had a good Christmas.  In his defense, he might be saving the ring for another special day, at which point she will not mind getting the "candy cane".

Stanley Dada said...

I'm not good at buying gifts, so I stop.

C Nelson said...

... My jaw is still on the floor over those stories. Your friend, she's single now, right? (Please?) 'Cause really.

I had a great Christmas, and a pretty darned decent birthday, too. (First real birthday cake ever. Candles and everything!) And for Christmas, husband wanted some of his cologne, then asked me what my favourite real perfume was. I didn't *have* a favourite; I'd never been near a perfume counter except on the way to somewhere else, no stopping for samples. My "signature scent" was some coconut-vanilla body mist. We won't discuss the only two bottles of perfume I ever owned -- gifts from an aunt who thought Wind Song was perfect for a 13-yr-old in the 80's. So ... we started from scratch. He took me to the store, we spent more than half an hour playing with samples, and then walked out with the one I liked best. (Sure, it was the first one we'd tried, but that's not my fault ... I swear. Poor sales guy had so. much. patience, it's not even funny.) So, for the first time ever, I own real perfume that I actually *like*, and I've been firmly warned that it's for everyday, not just special occasions.

Lady London said...

Wow! Some fellas really need to fix up.

Lady London said...

I really hope the gift from the ex was a packaging error, because sending panties to your ex gf is highly inappropriate *ew* and a little creepy! As for Mr Bow Tie, he must have been having a laugh, because that is just wrong on so many levels.

SpkTruth2Pwr said...

Haha the stuff that happens to you...made for tv.

I can't say I have ever gotten any gift ever that were as unexpected or unique as yours...

You sure that wasn't the latest kindle? Maybe it was the new lace style cover for it?

Eshe said...

My present to myself was a Nexus 7 as well. How do you like yours? I love mine, but I think I should have sprung for the Nexus 10, for the added screen real estate, even though it would have meant giving up two cores (the N7 is quad core) -  and I wasn't so sure (and still am not) the extra three inches was worth an additional hundred dollars. Google really did hit the sweet spot with the Nexus 7.

Leo the Yardie Chick said...

 "You sure that wasn't the latest kindle? Maybe it was the new lace style cover for it? "

You almost owed me a new keyboard. LOL!

EvolvingElle said...

I wasn't ready for the Ex Text, and I DARN sure wasn't ready for the bow around the uh...ummm...uh, you know.  Some men are so dense and stupid...

To answer your question, I can't say I've ever gotten a gift I don't understand.  I did have a friend in high school that got the book "When Chickenheads Come Home to Roost" from her aunt; for the life of her, she was trying to figure out what her aunt was trying to say...

t said...

Omg. Hilarious. I would've took a picture of the panties and said; this is definitely a unique scarf not sure it will keep me warm. Oh wait are all these supposed to attached to completely wrap around.*since it was multiple undies*. Then I would lmao because the person that got the scarf is gonna be like huh! Now your gf. Her boo straight threw her for a loop and honestly has no intentions on marrying her. Any man that I knows a woman will think twice about doing what he did. At least have a diamond bracelet hanging from your junk. Ijs. Then he got a new Lexus. Who's he tryin to impress. Hhmmmmm. Spring is coming upon us soon. Ijs.

t said...

My Xmas was cool. Got money then bought 4 pair of shoes and 2 of them I been eyeing for about 6 months. Patience is a virtue. 60% off $250. Merry Xmas to me.

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