Monday, December 10, 2012

I guess "Thank You" is the appropriate response?


With a glance at the calendar, I sucked it up and headed out to do Christmas shopping this past weekend. It wasn't until I was at the mall amongst the teeming masses that I remembered why I generally opt to go cyber for the holidays.

This year, for some odd reason, I ventured out to the megamall. I had already been once with BougieMom and I just needed to grab one or two last items. It's always when you push your luck that bad things happen to otherwise good people.

To add to the drama, I've quit shopping at some stores because of their politics and treatment of workers. No Wal-Mart, no Sam's, no Macy's, no Home Depot. Which stores do you think are closest to me? Yep. 

Anywho, it was on my targeted blitz through Nordstrom when disaster struck. I was sandwiched between two clearance racks of sleepwear when a familiar voice called out, "Michele? Is that you?" Why do people say that? You see me, you know who I am, just say hello already. Just saying.

I look up and it's my ex from the wayback, Bill (of crying in the shower and TapBack fame) with his lovely wife. 

"Hey." I say super halfheartedly still recalling the uber-whacktasticness of Bill's tapback call.

"You look great! Jonelle, this is Michele. Remember, I told you about her? Michele, my wife Jonelle."

He told her what about me? Exactly? Anyway, she rushed forward and gave me a big hug. "It's so great to meet you, I have so many questions for you."

For. Real. Tho? No ma'am. "Oh well, I'm meeting someone for a late lunch in a few minutes but it's great to meet you. How are the kids?"

"They are great!" They launched into detail about the two children and I nodded at the appropriate moments.

"Sounds great. I hate to run but..."

Jonelle said, "Before you go, I just want to say that I appreciate how you whipped Bill into shape and then let him go to be with the woman he was supposed to be with."

Ummmm....

She continued. "The things that he learned from you well, it was great meeting an emotional grown-up that I didn't have to train, you know?"

By now I'm looking at Bill like - is this how ya'll get down? Your wife is just going to talk about you like a science experiment and you're cool with that? Ooookay. And I'm assuming he never mentioned calling me asking for belated break-up sex? Alrighty then. They were both looking at me expecting an answer so sliding towards the escalator, I smiled. "I guess 'Thank You' is the appropriate response? I'm glad you're happy. Merry Christmas!" I fled.

BougieLand - WDDDA? And what are you supposed to say when someone thanks you for "training" her husband? Anybody had a similar experience? How's your holiday shopping going this year? Oh and hey there, Happy Holidays!

Do share...

37 comments:

Nicole McLean said...

The fact that laughter ERUPTED from my mouth like a poorly contained volcano as I read this and was swiftly reminded of all the inappropriate conversations I've had with an ex and his next... says that this post was awesome-tacular!! 

*smh* 

I promise you... people really do THE. MOST. with believing that their Prince Charming was (or should have been) yours. *deep sigh* 

Grace said...

Chele - thy name is drama magnet. Scoot over and let me get a seat on the WDDDA watching party. The ex that I almost married called and put his new girlfriend on the phone. She had questions for me. Uh - no. I'm done with him, you figure him out on your own. It would never occur to me to ask a guy's ex about him. Ever.

thinklikeRiley said...

I can only say one thing: Oh.

CaliGirlED said...

I'm a lost for words! She must have low "self of steam". (DumbestTweetsEver)

EvolvingElle said...

This can't be real life...

Angel on a Quest said...

Do we still say "wack"?  Or, perhaps it should be "whack!" like using one to hit the other...

digal704 said...

Michele you havethe absolute best life! I live for these stories! My oldest daughter is looking at me like "what the hell"?! Iono who is more stupid, Bill or Jonelle. I hope he lost that "punk quotient". Because the crying in the shower, and letting you treat him like a modern day Eliza Doolittle was big time punkness!

Michele said...

That is the craziest thing I've heard today.  I'm still picking my jaw up off the floor.

Monica Mingo said...

Wait...what?  Put his new girlfriend on the phone?  Huh?  This doesn't compute.  What in the world?

happinessisme said...

I can't believe she said that out loud. 

Shonda Busta Rhimes said...

Bottom bitches kill me.

Natasha said...

Your Life.... WOW!!! I can't even believe that felt comfortable coming out of her mouth..... NO SHAME...

Mina B. said...

WELP! 

chriscogmta said...

you got a lotta Jesus in you!!!  So much so, you should bottle it and sell it to heathens on Saturday night in clubs with the same clothes on they gone wear to church on Sunday.    

That is the only way I can explain how you have not gone left on some of the cats in (past or present) your life.  I truly commend you for your patience and fortitude.  I think you should teach a class on turning multiple cheeks and managing Woo-Sa moments.

sol_dier said...

Dude doesn't seem to have changed that much then...
Thats #manchild behaviour 101

Fiscal Spliff said...

The meaner part of me would have said, "I thought you just said you two were married. Who is she talking about?" *loud Regine Hunter laugh*

Marioned said...

Passive agressive insecurity.  That is what that mess is!  She ain't sure about him so she is trying to see how you would responded. Also, add some naivete to it: believing that ish he probably told her!

Leo the Yardie Chick said...

I thought that scenario only happened in half-hour prime time comedies. O_O Would I be considered unbougie if I said, "DaFUQ?!"?

CaliGirlED said...

*hollers*

VROSHELL said...

The fact that the only thing  that thinklikeRiley can say is Oh! Speaks volumes!!!

C Nelson said...

I have to wonder what he TOLD her.  Because while I have been grateful for the women in my partner's life who broke him of bad habits or instilled good ones (his mother, sister, grandmother, and, yes, the ex-wife too) "thank you for letting him go" sounds like you think he wouldn't have left on his own. In which case, he STILL hasn't left, not really, and YOU should let him go, too.

blackprofessor said...

Let me thank you for the good laugh I had! 

No country for insecure adults who won't deal with their issues and these two sound like they deserve each other. 

Reggie Beasley said...

I know this sounds like a humblebrag, but this actually happened.

I dated a Puerto Rican woman who loved to tell me "I'm too crazy for you" and "you can't handle me." Didn't take her words to heart until she showed her a$$ at my friend's cookout. Last. Straw.Fast forward a couple of years, I run into her and her husband. She tells me, in front of him, "you are the man I should have been with, but I couldn't deal with you being so nice. But now that I've stopped drinking, I realized that you are the type of man I need to be with. So when I met ________, I knew this was my second chance to be with a nice guy like you." Her husband goes, "yeah, she talks about you all the time, how she would have never been with me if it wasn't for you." Ohh-kay… thanks for making me seem like the world's greatest guy? What was I supposed to say? "Glad you stopped drinking and grew up?" Super awkward… 

OneChele said...

Oh my. What DO you do with that? Wow. Well, I'm glad you escaped. ;-)

OneChele said...

Yes indeed. I agree.

OneChele said...

Good point.

OneChele said...

You may retain your bougie card.

OneChele said...

That passive-aggression mixed with insecurity is a beast. 

OneChele said...

Love your screen name - too funny.

OneChele said...

Some folks never grow up. Ever.

OneChele said...

I need more Jesus because the patience wears so thin...

OneChele said...

Right?!

OneChele said...

"thy name is drama magnet" - done. *quits reading, logs off*

OneChele said...

right - I'm like claim your Prince and keep it moving.

rozb said...

Count the blessings you received from cutting your losses.

CorettaJG said...

Wooooow! 

I'm thinking this was supposed to be a compliment.  As an eboutique owner I say stay out the mall.  Nothing good can come of it.

Tanyetta said...

What in the world? Why are people doing all of this talking in the mall?  UGH.  RUN the next time you see that couple and be very thankful you dodged a "winner"<<---LOL!  NOt.

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