Wednesday, December 12, 2012

12 Relationship Truths From Me to You

*disclaimer - no I'm not a relationship expert. Nor do I pretend to be. But I've been around and seen some things and have some thoughts. Love 'em or leave 'em. ~The Management

It's 12/12/12 - I'll check again at 11:59pm tonight but so far, most of us made it, right? (pours a little sumthin' sumthin' out for those who left too soon). Since we're still living - here are a few relationship truisms to take you through to the next apocalyptic countdown:

1. Yes, you are a prize but not for every damn body. Each of you individually is a prize... for someone. Maybe two or three someones but not for everybody.

2. Just because someone is a "good" man or woman, does not mean they are "good" for you.

3. Liking someone, lusting for someone and loving someone are not the same thing. Unless they come as a package deal for both parties in which case, when's the wedding?

4. If you've had three or more failed relationships in a row, you are the common denominator. (looks in mirror, sticks out tongue) #Arithmetic

5. Grown men and women in committed relationships cannot be stolen from one and other. Someone makes the conscious decision to leave.

6. The more you tell us how fabulous your life with so-and-so is, the less we believe you. My godparents have been married for 53 years. Every time I have asked how they are doing for the past 20 years, they respond "Baby we fine and we living." Okay? Keep your business off these inna-web-social-nets.

7. The idea that anybody is better than nobody is a blatant-assed lie.

8. The idea that marriage is a magical panacea for all that "ails" black women is an ignorant lie.

9. The idea that marriage and babies are the end-all, be-all for everyone to achieve happiness is a little naive.

10. The argument over $200 dates is pure foolishness. If you can't afford it, don't do it and for Baby Jesus' sake - quit bitching about it.

11. The idea that a man that you do not know, who does not know you (and whose relationship history is shady as all the trees in the Sierra Nevada put together) has the answers to your relationship woes is not only foolery, it is a HUSTLE. Quit buying into the hustle.

12. Ladies and Gentlemen, last but not least - a rhyme stolen from a Hallmark card: A better you makes a better two. Please work on fix your issues instead of looking for someone to fix them for you. That "you complete me" nonsense is a great movie line and no more. Complete yourself. 

Agree? Disagree? Gotta any to add to the list? Do share...

53 comments:

Lisa Steptoe said...

*waves church fan* AMEN, Sister

J to the B. said...

agrees with all 12. nothing to add lol

J to the B. said...

agrees with all 12. nothing to add lol

Fleur DeLissy said...

Love 'em.

Anonymous said...

Preach!

quinne said...

here is another one
"Just because he/she has a great resume doesnt mean they will be a great employee"

How often have we  looked at people's "stuff & things" or heard what they said in the first date or two and begin to lust after them only to find out that they are flawed significantly in things that matter like morals/standards or their performance did not resemble what they spoke of in the beginning.

There is a reason why jobs have probationary periods, its to make sure that the employees work ethic/habits/abilities  match what was put on their resume. Now im not saying to have a 90 rule but make sure you ask the things or create an environment so that you can know the person as well as possible before you move to certain levels in a "relationship"

one more...
"Just because someone is NICE or treats you like no other person you dealt with, does not instantly make him/her your future husband/wife. "

Calling instead of texting, opening the car door, cuddling after cocoa are the basics not the golden star moments, and if you find yourself getting overly excited because he/she did that, you may want to take a step back and reevaluate your standards/expectations in dealing with the opposite sex. Now im not saying dont appreciate the gestures, but simple moments like those should not  make you wanna have his baby and take his last name

thinklikeRiley said...

First can we get up and ass-shake for three new posts in a row?
*Gets up does MJ kick with crotch grab*
Number 12!
Why Riley gotta fix you, yo issues from yo raggedy last boyfriend and yo issues wi yo daddy?
Naw, I ain't sign up for alladat.
Get right and come back round we'll see what's up.

Leon X said...

Regarding Number 4? I see what you did there, Bill Clinton.

EvolvingElle said...

And scene!  Awesome rules. And Number 6...folks gonna be mad at you, but it's the truth!  I always give the side eye if you talk about how great he/she is ALL of the time.  Are you trying to convince others or yourself?

Jubi The Great said...

Hey when I commented abt getting posts 2 days in a row I got the side eye from Chele...IJS

Jubi The Great said...

13 - That the only way a relationship can be "successful" is if it results in marriage. Marriage is great, yes. But marriage shouldn't be the barometer that we use to judge relationship success. But then again, that feeds into #9.

JaymeC said...

I'm back! Been overseas for almost six months and happy to be back in BnB land.
We could spend an entire week on # 5 alone. And 7, and 2 - any of these!
The only one I would add is that if it's for you, it's for you but learning to recognize what's for you long-term v. short-term is the hardest part of all.

blackprofessor said...

12a) Selfishness, self-absorption and insecurity are relationship killers!  If these issues are renting space in your heart, exit the dating pool until you get a hang on them. 

13) Work on enhancing your emotional intelligence.  Growing research suggests that relationships are more likely to be healthy and have staying power when both parties have high EQs, which affords partners the ability to be in tune with each other. 

ClayJones said...

My biggest life lesson on relationships - when it's over, learn when to walk away. Dragging out the long inevitable goodbye does no one any good. And deep down I beleive we know when it's over.

ClayJones said...

Oh and number 4 made me laugh out loud this morning.

Page Bartlett said...

"Shady as all the trees in the Sierra Nevada"
LMAO!

CaliGirlED said...

*shakes a tail feather*

CaliGirlED said...

They have the "name it claim it" notion twisted! Believe if they say it enough it will be. Something's just ain't!

CaliGirlED said...

Welcome back Doc C!!!

CaliGirlED said...

Agreed! Love #5!

13) After he/she says "I Do" things will be better. Wrong! If he's an a-hole during the relationship, he will be a bigger one in the marriage. If she is trifling and lazy during the relationship...

CorettaJG said...

Well said!

OneChele said...

I sent Riley one as well. The side-eye is universal these days ;-)

rozb said...

As usual, Chele, you hit it out the park!

A) Just because you think everybody else has somebody, doesn't mean you have to rush out and get somebody. It ain't that serious...

B) From all the Ask a Bougie Chick letters, it seems folks are still gonna keep bumping their heads from mistaking good cocoa (with marshmallows) for love. The biggest lesson I have learned from these folks - be honest about what you are looking for from the beginning. If it isn't, be grown and keep it moving. Please.

Now back to completing finals and stuff. Thanks for the distraction, y'all. :/

MariSol said...

The struggle not to get caught up in the good on paper, great in bed guy who is as shallow as a teacup?
Oh - is that just me?

GuessImJay said...

I tried to step into a debate on the $200 date/$10k engagement ring the other day. People really take that ish personally. Great list.

Reggie Beasley said...

If I had a dollar for every time one of my female friends said "he is a good man, I just wish he would stop doing stupid ish…" I'd have my condo overlooking the Boston skyline.  Umm, how 'bout you leave him alone until he stops doing stupid ish? Just a thought…

GrownAzzMan said...

#nailedit

bashowell said...

Listen to your intuition.  If you're really not feeling a person like that, chances are they are not going to "grow" on you.  You might be able to hold on to the illusion for a while but ultimately...

tiffanyinhouston said...

*twerks for 3 posts in a row* (Will she got for 4??)

Earthangel172 said...

 "Just because someone is NICE or treats you like no other person you
dealt with, does not instantly make him/her your future husband/wife. "

I JUST had this conversation with my younger sister.  My last bf treated me VERY WELL but in the end love was not enough so we parted ways.  I explained to her that I have no doubt in my mind that I will meet someone who will treat me as well as he did and then some.  I think some women are so accustom to being in bad relationships and because of that they look for any reason to hang on to a nice man who is finally treating them as he should.  It's like you said, re-evaluate your standards.

Mo said...

I was about to print this and hand it out to someone I know....nope, I'm  trying to live to see 12/13/2012. Brilliant post!

License to ill said...

Good list, now let me forward to some of my desperately seeking Susan friends

keishabrown said...

i would throw money in the collection plate, but yesterdays post has me broke and my son's trust fund for school is locked. LOL. 

William Martin said...

Coffee dates are keeping hope alive. If I can see you in the light of day and carry on a thirty minute conversation, we've got a chance. 

OneChele said...

Oh my. Who ya been dating? happy birthday, by the way.

OneChele said...

Ha. Hold onto your funds. Your Amen is enough. ;-)

OneChele said...

Reach one, teach one.

OneChele said...

Ha. You print it and anonymously put it in the inbox.

OneChele said...

Yeah - what is that "grow on me" thing. A relationship should not resemble a fungus in any way.

OneChele said...

Right?! 
(and good luck with the Boston condo)

OneChele said...

Man listen. They really, really do.

OneChele said...

Not shallow as a teacup?!

OneChele said...

It's the marshmallows that confuse people.

OneChele said...

Ditto to having a baby to fix a relationship. Never works.

OneChele said...

"renting space in your heart" I'm stealing that.

OneChele said...

Welcome back to the continent.

OneChele said...

cosign.

OneChele said...

*curtsies*

OneChele said...

The MJ kick WITH the crotch grab. We see you, Riley.

OneChele said...

+1's this whole comment.

CaliGirlED said...

Happy Birthday Doc! How do you like your coffee?

Nerline Germain said...

Amen

Daman Bahner said...

Well said - nice post!

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