Monday, November 26, 2012

What's worse than #TapBack? Lazy-azzed TapBack


We are closing in fast on the Holiday Season (okay, it's here already - Turkey, Black Friday, Sleigh Bells, the whole nine) so you know what that means. 'Tis the season for Cuddle Cocoa and TapBack. Yes indeed, many will reach out and touch someone just because baby, it's cold outside. If that's your modus operandi - if that's how you make it through low temperatures and long nights - do you, boo. But kindly figure out if your advances are welcome prior to initiating them.

For those that have forgotten or never knew - Le TapBack is when an ex-siginifcant other reaches out after a period to time to "check-in" with the expectation of either rekindling the old flame or just stirring the cocoa for a moment or two. Hence, tapping back.

And while I'm not a big fan of tapping back (there are reasons most exes are exes after all) I'm even more virulently opposed to lazy-azzed tapback. Allow me to share...

Dude: Hey
Me: What's up?
Dude: We should get together and do stuff.
Me: Stuff?
Dude: You know... stuff.
Me: Why?
Dude:  Why not?
Me: Alirghty then. Good talking to you.
Dude: Wait, you wanna get dinner or something?

Okay now- that's just lazy. If you're going to take the time to reach out, at least have a game plan about yourself. We ain't all low-hanging fruit. At least buy a dinner, a drink, pretend like you are interested in spending some time clothed around me. If not, just say that. I'm of three schools - 1) Either get gone and stay gone 2) Wine me and dine me and take your chances or 3) Just state it plain. Seriously, if I accept the dinner invitation, you have a shot. If you call straight out with the "scratch my itch" plea and I don't start laughing, you have a (narrow) chance. But the half-azzed approach? C'mon now. 

BougieLand, have you been affected by When Keeping It TapBack Goes Wrong this season? Who amongst us are out there tapping back after one too many sips at happy hour? And is it me or is half-azzed lazy TapBack the worst? Do share...

72 comments:

thinklikeRiley said...

First, yasss for Fresh Bouge.
Two, the TapBack is outta control this year. Friday girlie from seven years ago calls with the "Riley, can we hang out tonight?" I ask, "Does hangout involve one or the both of us bein' nekkid?' She says, "That's rude."  oh so that is what it is but she wanna dress it up with ribbons and ish. Girl, this ain't Lifetime. Speak it plain. And where is yo damn husband? I ain't bout to catch buckshot in my azz for seven year stale cocoa. Naw. Riley ont play dat.

Grace said...

This guy and I just broke up in October for reasons I remain unclear on. He called and asked me to dinner. I'm thinking I'm about to get closure or somesuch, he says (and I quote) "My d**k misses that p***y" - wait, what? Is that appetizer conversation? That's all I get after all of this?! No. Sir.

CaliGirlED said...

"I ain't bout to catch buckshot in my azz for seven year stale cocoa." LOL!!! Yasss for fresh bouge and Riley!

CaliGirlED said...

*tries to close my mouth* *tries again*

CaliGirlED said...

Ex starts to text with some basic convo (I'm cool with it, no hard feelings and what not), and then accuses me of flirting with him when he realizes the convo is not going where he's trying to take it. Dude you contacted me and now you want to flip the script because your small talk wasn't getting you anywhere? Oh ok. :-/

Jason P said...

I'll admit to making the call hoping for no hassle h-n-q cocoa (by the way, the fact that we have basically our own language fore this stuff... epic) but anyway, it usually turns out to be a hassle. So I have cocoa buddies for these things. No strings. No do-overs, no expectations. Next.

quinne said...

glad to see a new post *fist pump*
wow @ riley's comment yeah that wouldnt have been as bad if she wasnt MARRIED... the recklessness people live by now is unbelievable..

I dont have any "tap back" stories but most of my encounters that were similar were "old time catch ups" and happened while in college and right after i moved away from my home town. It usually were women that i didnt know had feelings like that and were the iniators of the "lets get up when you come home." and using the few deductive reasoning tools i have, i knew it was more about getting some "food" and talking about whats going on in school or hows charlotte... and even though i knew what was going on i let the ladies play the coy game but by the end of the night it was on like donkey kong... the key for those who are still dealing with tap backs, is doing what Ms Vanznat says, "call a thing a thing." If you think he/she is on the hunt, call them out on it and if they backtrack then your intuition was right, if they deny but still want to hang it COULD be just about the catch up with no ulterior booty motives behind it

quinne said...

RIGHT!!!
people should know by now who they can approach with these Cocoa propositions

Fleur DeLissy said...

Tapback season is definitely in full effect.  One is trying so hard that if he put that much effort into our relationship, he may not be an ex. It's really quite annoying. No matter how many times I tell him he's wasting time, he just waits a few days and reaches out again. He is at least offering to do wining and dining while claiming he understands there is no "dessert", but I know him too well so I just keep declining.

GrownAzzMan said...

Since my birthday often falls during Thanksgiving week I often get birthday 'wishes' with tap-back wrapped in offers for us to 'get together' to 'celebrate'. Sometimes you just gotta say...

GrownAzzMan said...

Just wow. I'm asking the ref, does that get points for being direct?

ClayJones said...

The booty-only tapback is a no go for me. As Jason said below, if that's all it's about there should be a less complicated way to go about it. The tapback to see if the relationship can be salavaged should be handled with a better strategy than this guy showed.

My ex-wife's new husband called and asked if I was still interested in her. Oddest phone call ever. Was he trying to give her back? Trying  to feel me out? Chele, this migh be one for the ITOFTS files.

GrownAzzMan said...

He must not have read the No Return policy.

Just_A_Thought1218 said...

*tries not to laugh* pobrecita! You just can't win for losing.

My "When Keeping It TapBack Goes Wrong" happened well before there was a chill in the air (I guess he had a plan). Dude decided to call/text out the blue in August, singing the same old song about how I was the one who got away, how we should really get back together and work toward marriage etc, etc, etc. I mean he recited the same spiel, nearly word for word, that he said during his last tapback attempt that didn't go straight to VM. The one he gave nearly four years ago.  -_-
 

blackprofessor said...

 Wow!

blackprofessor said...

 My ex-wife's new husband called and asked if I was still interested in her. - This sounds like he is trying to giver he back, lol!

Page Bartlett said...

What about the accidental tapback phone call? I found out my exe's mom has been sick and I called him to see how she was doing. He thought it was a TapBack call. :-(

blackprofessor said...

I got a tapback email last week! First he called my cousin because he doesn't have my current cell#.  Then, he sent an email talking about he wanted to talk to me.  I emailed back and was like "What do you want?" His response - crickets!


 

MsJamie14 said...

Just...wow. I've never thrown a drink in a person's face, but I might have been tempted that day!!!

You really dodged a  bullet there!

MsJamie14 said...

I've posted the whiney, desperate tap back texts on my twitter page. The confusing part is...he never got to "tap" in the first place so sir...please have a seat...in a cave with no cell phone reception.

MsJamie14 said...

Not like I was supposed to know...but wow, your ex-wife got remarried huh?

I think he is checking the lemon laws. ;-)

GuessImJay said...

"We should get together and do stuff?"
Worst player line in the history of playerdom.
Do better, people.

Miz JJ said...

I'm not fond of making the same mistakes twice.

BklynBajan said...

I don't consider that accidental if your intentions were good and you made it clear that you were ONLY calling to see how mom was. You know how mature dude is. For me I just add mom to the prayer list and keep it moving. I'm not calling even if Jesus is sitting shiva with them.

chriscogmta said...

that "get together and do stuff" line is almost as bad as the "lets go back to my dorm and watch a movie line" back in college!!

Tap-backs are an inevitable phenomenon in life.  I'm just not a fan of the mass tap back that you send to every person in your phone, friends list, twitter followers, and LinkedIn connections.  The world is too small for that and when it happens, at least 3 or 4 of the people you mass tap back call each other to clown you.

CaliGirlED said...

"One is trying so hard that if he put that much effort into our relationship, he may not be an ex."...Now see!

CaliGirlED said...

How old is this man?

EvolvingElle said...

Yeah, my mouth totally dropped open and eyes got wide. 

EvolvingElle said...

I feel that if people remember why they stopped talking to him/her in the first place, they would never call/text/e-mail again.  Or maybe that's just me...

tiffanyinhouston said...

Say what now?? WHERE THE HELL ARE HIS NUTS??????? They musta fell off for him to make that phone call!

tiffanyinhouston said...

*deep long sigh*

Shnesswds said...

This is so on point. I have a guy who is still trying after about 8 years. He cooks really well and at least he always offers to feed me. Unfortunately, the answer is still no!

SingLikeSassy said...

"My ex-wife's new husband called and asked if I was still interested in her." <--*blinkblinkblink*

SingLikeSassy said...

 Gurl. GURL. I...I got nothing. Just...no.

SingLikeSassy said...

Oh, I see QC is in the house!

OneChele said...

Aw, he's trying to cook. In all the rooms. Bless his heart.

OneChele said...

Girl... *raises hand to heavens*

OneChele said...

The mass attack tapback... is that like the paint splatter theory? You throw enough at the wall and something has to stick? People are doing too much.

OneChele said...

Ri-ight?!

OneChele said...

Preach on it.

OneChele said...

Not a cave! Ha!

OneChele said...

Dude tracked down fam to find you and can't articulate a two line answer? Nope. Next. Keep it moving.

OneChele said...

Why Jesu Christo gotta be sitting shiva tho? 
*dead*

OneChele said...

Bless his heart. He was hoping it was going to work this time O__o

OneChele said...

Wayment. What?!!! and WDDDA?

OneChele said...

Not to tell all Clay's biz but ex-wifey went and got her a 30-something. She's 50. That's all I'm gonna say bout that.

OneChele said...

You know folks skip the fine print.

OneChele said...

Birthday tapback must be stopped. Seriously. Let a person celebrate w/o the drama. Lawd...

OneChele said...

If folks could get next to that "you never miss the water till the well runs dry" philosophy...

OneChele said...

For the record, I have been telling everybody to "call the thing a thing" - it's my new favorite.

OneChele said...

Hassle free h-n-q cocoa - does that actually exist? Not being snarky, just curious.

OneChele said...

Um, he called you tho? Oh. Okay.

OneChele said...

I don't think so.

OneChele said...

Okay, he could've sent that ish in a text message. For real. 
And by the way, you are well within your rights to ask for clarity on the break up. You may not get it but at least you asked straight out. 

OneChele said...

"Seven year stale cocoa"
iQuit.

C Nelson said...

This is me too, with my Innocents' Day birthday. Because clearly I have nothing better to do, in the most special week of my personal calendar, than to reheat old relationship issues and drag them into my new year. I've been known to make (solitary!) holiday plans in June or July, just to make sure I'm off relaxing and safely out of reach that week.

C Nelson said...

I have had NO tapback calls this year. None. I'm hoping that leaving the continent to marry someone else finally got my message across to even my more persistent ex -- because I'm really enjoying this new state of things. Also? It is decidedly warm here. I will never be in sync for that again. Cold weather for me is going to be warm weather for them and vice versa.  #Smug.

Mykeia said...

Ummmm...dang.  Wow, I am speechless.

GrownAzzMan said...

There have been rare sightings but alas it is like snow in Malibu. You may get some but it doesn't last.

OneChele said...

You are a mess!!

CaliGirlED said...

Text (too chicken sh*t to call), but yeah same thing.

CaliGirlED said...

And further more, if he was lazy, unimaginative and non-inspiring in trying to get, then IF he actually got it....never mind.

Jubi The Great said...

I realized the other day I haven't gotten any TapBack this year....IDK if that's good or bad :-/

Dude in this story should have really done so much better. Most men fail to realize that they'd probably get further if they just tell the damn truth...but also make some effort. You wanna be lazy? Call one of the girls on backpage.

Jubi The Great said...

 We need you to write a guest post & explain that one!

Caramel Jones said...

I'm so confused.

Marioned said...

All I can say is "I stand accused!'  But in mydefense we parted amicably and his love was so Dogon Good!!!

Leo the Yardie Chick said...

 Sounds like he had it written on note cards.

Leo the Yardie Chick said...

 .........

I'm sorry, WHAT?

Leo the Yardie Chick said...

Wow. All the subtlety of a falling truck.

CorettaJG said...

Wow. Lord have mercy!

CorettaJG said...

And I got the tapback call two weeks ago. No go.

Leo the Yardie Chick said...

"Especially since there is a new baby mama who took the time to find me and send me an obscene message. NO."

Why are they always going after the supposed 'other woman', instead of the creeping-behind man? *kmt*

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