I'm so sure I've posted a zillion times about not wanting to debate about infidelity. Yet and still... folks just cannot help themselves. On today's Ask a Bougie Chick, here are three questions about "That Topic" - yes, again. Because you keep asking, I'll answer but might I request that folks spend a little time in the Bougie Archives. My views have not changed, are not likely to change any time soon.
But anyway -
Question 1 came from a fella who wanted to remain anonymous and only shared that he is single in South Carolina: Chele, are there any circumstances under which you would be okay with your man cheating? Like if you incapacitated or something?
Dear Dude in SC - Is this the obligatory "if you were dying of cancer, wouldn't you want your man to be happy?" question?
The answer is no. He can do what he wants when I'm gone. And no, there are no circumstances I can fathom where I would cosign my man's infidelity. Not nary nan a one. But I am going to say that any (and every) time some guy writes in with this type of question it's because they are looking for 1) forgiveness 2) excuses or 3) an escape clause. I'm not your blogger for that. If you want to cheat on somebody, I can't help you. Not judging you, do you boo. Just saying. I'm not here for that.
Question 2 came from a married woman in her mid-30s whose husband cheated on her so she took the opportunity to cheat on him. She thought that made them even. She forgave him and he won't forgive her and she wants to know how to fix it.
Dear Married 30 - How to fix it? Invent a time machine to go back to the minute you got naked with someone else and put your clothes back on. Too snarky? Okay um well. As we've stated on this blog and many other places men really have a problem forgiving infidelity It's a direct swipe at their virility. Yes, I know it's not fair because he cheated first. Yes I know he shouldn't have cheated. Yes, I'm sure you know two wrongs don't make a right. You can certainly make the argument to him that one bad turn deserves another and see how that works out. I invite you to Google "Do Men Forgive Infidelity" and scroll through the top few results. It's not pretty. My only advice to you is counseling. Hie thee forthwith to your nearest Iyanla and good luck!
Question 3 comes from a young military man (calling himself Semper Fi) who is based overseas and just found out his fiance cheated while he was deployed. He says he wants to forgive her but he can't. He's asking whether he is doing the right thing by walking way. He's also asking if it's fair for him to expect a woman to be faithful when he's gone for such long stretches of time.
Semper Fi - Well, your name and the motto of the Marines "Always faithful" pretty much sums it up for you. You live by that and expect those around you to do so as well. I can't tell what's right or wrong for you. But I can say that any one getting involved with someone in the military knows what they are signing up for. No it's not easy, yes the situation can get extreme but if they commit to you and the relationship, they should commit fully or not at all.
BougieLand, what say you?
1) Is there a time when you condone your s/o's infidelity?
2) Is there anything besides time and pleading apologetically to get a man to forgive infidelity?
3) Is it fair to expect an s/o to stay faithful over long periods of time?
Any other thoughts, words, or witticisms for Dude in SC, Married 30 or Semper Fi? Do share...