Tuesday, October 16, 2012

Adventures in Dating aka Why Dating Over 40 is Some BULLSHIGGITY


a guest post by @Reads4Pleasure... enjoy!

So there's this STL Twitter dude I've been chatting with for awhile.  No offline convos or anything, just good natured ribbing on Twitter.  He's been asking to meet me for the last few weeks, even though I already knew there was no love connection, but am I going to miss a chance to eat Miss Robbie's fried chicken? Hell to the naw.  So we were supposed to meet at Upper Crust (her new location) at 5:30.  He calls a little after 5 to say he's running late & can we do 6.  Fine, I stopped off at the library and wasted time.  I get to the place at 6, don't see him, so I park it on a bench & wait.  Ten minutes after I've been sitting there, I log onto Twitter & see he's checked in on Foursquare.  I take a walk around and he's in the bar chilling.  I introduce myself and first thing I notice is, this negroach who never smiles in any of his avis is missing a tooth. Not just any tooth but a top front tooth.  Now I don't know if y'all know, but I have a thing about teeth.  I like them to be straight (as much as possible), white (non-negotiable) and all there.

I was momentarily stunned, but figured I'd make the best of it.  We get in line, me first, I order my food (wings, mac & cheese & corn).  He orders smothered chicken, okra, mac & cheese, mashed potatoes & gravy and peach cobbler.  All I could think was, thank God he doesn't need a front tooth to eat, or he'd be in real trouble.  Anyway, the cashier asks if they were going to be together and he loudly says separate.  So I'm like, oh, ok.  Good thing I carried cash and had my debit card.

We sit down to eat and he goes into interview mode asking about my daughter, my family, job, etc.  Mind you, he's a radio DJ, so he has a great voice, but again, I was so distracted by the tooth that I could barely eat.  The whole time I was talking my eyes were flitting around the room trying to focus on everything but him.  And then, this negroach started belching.  Like I know he'd had two beers and was getting his eat on, but who does that???  Ok, fine. Say the first one slipped out, but a second one?? And he didn't bother to say excuse me not nary a time. NOT NARY!  I did manage to get in a few questions and found out that in addition to being a fill-in DJ, he hosts a trivia night at a restaurant, handles another restaurant's social media presence, and has a roommate.  God shoot me if I ever find myself with a roommate at the age of 50.

Y'all, I was so fugging outdone.  It took all I had to keep my composure.  I kept glancing at my watch wondering how much longer I've have to endure his foolishness when dude stated that he had to get moving if he wanted to catch the next bus.  Now y'all have been here. St. Louis is not like Chicago or New York.  We have public transportation, but St. Louis is generally a driving city.  I don't know if I was supposed to ask if he wanted a ride to the bus stop, but it didn't matter because he said he needed to use the bathroom before he "made that hike," so I broke the hell up out of there.  I couldn't even pull out of my parking spot before he'd tweeted about having dinner with me. No sir! Don't taint my name in these streets like that!

I get home and I'm still thinking about that damn tooth.  I come in the door with my library bag, work bag and purse, in addition to my food, because all I ate during that meal was one wing.  Max (the cat) is trying to escape, but I thought I'd pushed him back in the house with my bags.  So I shut the door, go put my food in the refrigerator, walk back across the living room and hear this scraping and crying at my door.  This jackass has escaped and gotten locked out.  He was out there acting like I'd put him out instead of him running away.  After my crappy ass "date," that made me cackle.

And this, ladies, is why I've officially given up on dating.
Okay BougieLand, what say you? I say... 1) We won't allow the giving up. 2) The tooth thing is hard to get past. 3) It's rough out here for real though... Anyone else have a meetup with a social media/online friend who turned out not to be "as advertised"? Do share...

49 comments:

James Barnes said...

too funny! LOL

Jubi The Great said...

 Awww! That sucks but don't give up! My friends told me I couldn't go on the bench so you can't either.

And what is with raggedy dudes on the Twitter asking for dates? I went on a date last week with a Twitter guy who also has no car (why so many grown ass men without cars???) but he was a gentleman...until the next day when he told me I was giving him "sex eyes" all night & that I should have taken him home with me. And he was completely serious. NO SIR. *sigh*

CaliGirlED said...

STOP pump the brakes!!! I can't get past the missing tooth, I don't know if I can read any further! I might don't make it!!! *takes a deep breath and goes back in*

CaliGirlED said...

R4P!!!!! Aw man that was horrible from start to finish! Woo woo woo, woo woo woo!

Were you tweeting with him under a different name and having different convos other than the kind I've read on twitter? Cause how could he have ever thunk it could be?

GrownAzzMan said...

You had me howling over here. No country for missing teeth! My question is, howcum is it that ery (yes ery) date y'all talk about on facebook, the twitter and this here blog is the date from hell? Maybe when two normal folk get together they just do normal things and go on about their normal way and don't post about it.

Mykeia said...

I am dead today. This story killed me...
Don't give up on dating.Teeth are very important--deal breaker for some.I can't finish my thoughts because I am dying from laughter I will be back.

MsJamie14 said...

Um, yeah. He was good and terrible.

But don't give up. That wasn't a date. He just wanted to meet you, but that doesn't make it a date. Y'all hadn't even talked offline. You knew going into it, it wasn't going to be a love connection. He probably felt the same.

I would have been nice if he had bought you a drink at least. Oh well.

SingLikeSassy said...

Just when I was contemplating getting back out there, I read this. *huddles in corner clutching dog*

bashowell said...

Aw dayum.  Not the TOOF, tho!  The few times I've met up w/someone from anything online it has not gone well.  AOL, Blackplanet (what - it was a while ago), Facebook... One dude showed up w/a manbag w/condoms and a request of maybe we could go in my room and leave the door open so my roommate could watch. 

I would say don't give up but um I feel you.  I've been on hiatus three years and I have no urge to emerge.

SingLikeSassy said...

 maybe we could go in my room and leave the door open so my roommate could watch. <--say what now?!!

Jubi The Great said...

 LOL that's not always true. We talk about the good ones too!

blackprofessor said...

This is hilarious! 

Don't give up! Chalk up the experience to God having a sense of humor and needing a good laugh. 

thinklikeRiley said...

Old girl's face in that pic tho >>>>

bashowell said...

First and only meeting...

M. Jones said...

I can't do online dating anymore. I just cannot. I've been doing that since I was about 25 and.... ugh. I have just met enough losing, unattractive, ain't about nothin', don't know what they want but wanna drag you along for the ride but would you mind giving up some undeserved cocoa since we're both single adults folks to last me a lifetime. Everytime I get tempted to try, I read another story like this and back away from the keyboard. I KNOW there are nice, wonderful men out there. Meeting them online is just not a method that worked for me, and lately I feel like it's a fluke that it works at all. 

GrownAzzMan said...

I had completely the opposite experience with online dating. Don't give up!

SouthernWes said...

I see the toothless dudes out there and wonder - how are you getting a date? Now I know - by not showing their toothlessness until the last minute. False advertising is in the top 3 dating no-nos, isn't it?

Rob said...

I don't miss being single. At all.
Not bragging. Sending up prayers.
Dear 8 lb 7 oz Jesus - don't let me eff this up. I'm not trying to be back out there.
Amen.

OwenCinDallas said...

Amen brother. Married over 20 years and still pray this prayer.

Sarah Hinz said...

OMG...so funny and so true.  You win some and lose some online. 

I just finished up with an online guy who just couldn't get it through his head that on our second meeting, first was just a meet & greet, that I wouldn't come "hang out" on his couch and watch football.  Um, I know what that really  means and I ain't going to be your booty call!  Next!

Just look at dating, online or otherwise, as an adventure where you hope for the best, expect the worst and figure if nothing else you will have some good stories for your friends.

Javalicious said...

Wow just... wow.

AminataB said...

My experiences with online dating have been a mixed bag of tricks and treats, LOL! I've been tricked by dudes that posted pictures of how they USED to look 5+ years ago or had front gaps so big I thought they were missing teeth. But I've also had amazing experiences with wonderful men that made sure every date was fun and memorable.

While I'm currently on a dating hiatus (my eyes are still open though) I would encourage you to continue to be open to dating and love. You knew going into this date with the DJ that it wouldn't be a love connection, so Harlem shake it off and stay positive.

tishatweets said...

Oh. Well. Gee.

You know what? Just chalk it up to a bad date--a horrible one--that you can look back on in the future and hug your honey tightly, out of the blue, JUST because you're no longer saddled with this type of foolishness here.

ETA: I've had great, good, not so good and "did that really just happen?" online experiences. I don't look at them any differently than those I have had having met a man at Barnes and Noble, church, the grocery store, etc., except for the fact that you have the opportunity to see them as they look in this current day right out the gate--whereas online pictures aren't always truthful (though I've not had that unfortunate experience, but I KNOW it happens).

tishatweets said...

Oh absolutely NOT! See...

tishatweets said...

"Maybe when two normal folk get together they just do normal things and go on about their normal way and don't post about it" <----that. Everything isn't for public consumption.

DigitalEve said...

Chele you have a daughter?!

TypeALady said...

Twice, don't forget, he belched TWICE!!!

OneChele said...

No ma'am - this was a guest post from @Reads4Pleasure - she has a lovely daughter :) 

TypeALady said...

Sooo, how was the mac & cheese??!

Brenda Kay said...

@Reads4Pleasure ~ I will take your dating at 40 and raise you $10,000.00, for the misadventures of *trying* to date at 50+. 
I have come to that place in my life where I have determined that:

1) Unless the UPS man makes an unexpected delivery.
2) He drops into the backyard from the sky kind of like that gentleman who skydived from the space platform.
3) I stumble onto Platform 9 3/4 and find myself transported to a magical land.

I'll just go on enjoying my life, my work and my three doggies. 

And lord have mercy, if I had a dollar for every man over the age of 40, even 50, who claim to be a DJ/in the *entertainment business* - I would be as rich as Mitt Romney! O_o

Jubi The Great said...

 After my last breakup I decided I wasn't going to be on any dating sites & only date guys I met organically. I needed that break from the online dating shuffle.

Marioned said...

Girl Your in St Louis!  In some places you need to just outright ask people. You got all your teeth..check; you have a car..check; you understand the concept of table manners..check; is that picture taken in the last 6 months..check; you live alone on your own..check

Leo the Yardie Chick said...

'Negroach'? Thanks for giving me life this late afternoon of October 16, 2012.

Leo the Yardie Chick said...

 The fact that he so brazenly suggested that tells me that it has worked for him before.

Angel on a Quest said...

The dude who shall be known as Monk II (see comment on previous post) had a location on his profile where he had not lived for decades, and had shaved 10 years off his age, making him closer to my mother's age than to mine...

That said, he also says he travels quite a bit with business, and does not have a "home base."  Something does not sit well with that, as I'm not really interested in being anyone's DC connection, ya know?

Finally, @Reads4Pleasure, I'm with Chele: there's no quitting here.  We should totally do an ITOFTS game show.  Who's in?

invectiva said...

Mmmmm. Not a date, but a visitor to my city who came recommended by a friend on the opposite coast. She said, "You guys would totally get along great, you're both extremely smart in the high tech world, and you both do emergency rescue work, and you have a lot in common."  We became social media friends and all seemed good. When he came to visit a couple of years ago, I offered dinner and an evening, which he happily accepted.

When the day arrived, he didn't want to meet anywhere specific or have me pick him up at the Amtrak station that has parking. Instead he directed me to pick him up at an intersection near public transportation. When I objected to the complication of picking up a stranger on a busy street corner in a major city when I don't even know what he looks like, he replied, "Don't worry, I'll be wearing a top hat."   o_O

Dinner had to be casual; the gentleman looked like a dowdy and travel-stained version of that guy on the side of the W.B. Mason truck (with a top hat!!!), so I couldn't take him anyplace nice. Conversation at dinner was of interesting content as long as I didn't care that it was all about him. Naturally, I paid for the meal, since I'd invited him out and he was a travelling guest in my city, but he didn't so much as say thank you, either for the meal or the pickup once he arrived in town.

At the end of dinner, it seemed too awkward to just say, "Well, this was lovely, I'm out!", and he was interested in seeing some local color, so I took him to my favorite bar with music. The bar had a great band, was packed and had no seats left, and there was a line 4 or 5 deep entirely around the bar. Visitor was very very tall, so he managed to get his pint of beer before lots of other people in front of him because he could get the bartender's attention quicker. Then he took his fresh drink, pushed forward into the crowd to stand in front of me so I couldn't see the band, and didn't even bother to see if I also wanted a drink. It took me 20 minutes to get served, and he didn't talk to me for the rest of the time we were in the bar. Eventually he got bored and I drove him to where he was staying (30 minutes outside city limits). He did thank me for *that* ride, at least.

Visitor Dude just came through town again a few months ago and asked if I'd like to hook up. I didn't return his email.

tiffanyinhouston said...

What the flying f*ck are "sex eyes"??????????????????? I swear you don't have to SAY everything you THINK.

tiffanyinhouston said...

That online dating thing can be a real trip. I won't ever forget the dude I met via BlackPlanet (yeah I'm old) who at the end of the date at the local Chili's..handed me a black rose. I was puzzled but said thank you and went on home. Upon further inspection, it was a pair of black lace panties wrapped up to look like a rose. And they weren't even my size.

We didn't talk again.

Leo the Yardie Chick said...

 What part of the ga...never mind. Is aright.

DCbywayofCali said...

I'm a bit stuck on this part: "even though I already knew there was no love connection, but am I going to miss a chance to eat Miss Robbie's fried chicken? Hell to the naw. "  

 If there was already no love connection why go out with a dude?  Charge that one to the game.

Cyn said...

And I'm sure that was the most Rico Suave move in his player handbook too!  He probably has like 50 off them at home.

Just_A_Thought1218 said...

Hahahahaha, so sorry you went through that, but HUNNY! *slides off couch and rolls on floor laughing*

I have never dated through social media, so I don't have much to say on that topic. But dating sucks at all ages.  I'm under 40, and believe me, those issues you had exist in all age brackets.  

TypeALady said...

Say Wha  Nah??!!

Swagatha Christie said...

Oh no! Deceptive advertising is the bane of online dating. The. BANE. Anyone can find that one good picture where they don't look cockeyed and put it to work with overtime.

Ondrea Richardson said...

I have a thing about teeth, too. You did better than I would have.

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