Wednesday, October 31, 2012

A letter to DL Hughley: Dear Sir, have many seats...


Dear God, when does it end? No, not the election - at least there's an endgame in sight there. When does the irreverent bashing of sisters for profit and/or an empty chuckle end? 

"What is it this time, Chele?"

Well, let me tell you. DL Hughley has a book and a show and who knows what else coming out that he has to pimp. And we all know that the latest Black Man Gotta Sell Something Hustle is by hurling sideways slander at the sisterhood (disguising it as helpful advice). On a recent taping of NPR's Tell Me More, DL had this to say:
I've never met an angrier group of people. Like black women are angry just in general. Angry all the time. My assessment, out of, just in my judgment, you either are in charge or they're in charge, so there's no kind of day that you get to rest.
For real tho? Thanks for that. I couldn't get away with writing a book that had even a smidgen of "Black Men Ain't Shiggity" vibe about it. One, it wouldn't be honest and two, I'd get beaten about the head and neck from all sides. Even if that's how you feel about Black women, DL - how does it help to say it? To print it? To repeat it?

It's not as if we don't have enough to worry about what with Mitt putting us in binders and other Republicans okaying our rape. It's not as if we aren't fighting to have a voice that is both respectful and representative of our best in Hollywood and the mainstream media. It's not as if relationship "experts" haven't culled out the thirsty amongst us and decided to get rich or die tryin' by making us all look like fat, lonely, rough-edged spinsters. 

That's not enough. We need a comedian to tell us just how angry we are. Cuz that's what's going to make us play nice from now on. Here's a short letter to you:

Dude, what did black women ever do to you besides birth you, raise you, support your shows, marry you and laugh at your jokes? I wonder DL, have you wondered why the black women that are around YOU are so angry? I only listened to 30 seconds of your interview and it was enough to set my blood on boil. And I'm considered a fairly pleasant and easy-going sort. But lest I be lumped in with the livid ladies you have known, might I share something with you? 

We're not angry - we're tired. Tired. Tired. Tired. We're tired of unrealistic expectations and unprovoked attacks from folks that are supposed to have our backs. We're tired of "holding it down" while "keeping it together" all the while determined to be looking fabulous from head-to-toe so someone will look twice. We're tired of taking half a step forward to be knocked backwards a yard. 

In fact, we're exhausted. Exhausted of holding the ladder so others may climb. Of cleaning the floors so others may walk through. Of crashing the ceiling so others can sit on the top floor. Of being told that no matter what we do - it's never enough. Because there's always someone like you to tell us to do better. You know what - you do better. Why don't you walk a mile in our pumps and Spanx with hopes and dreams holding you up and reality and ignorance pulling you backwards and tell us how that works for you?

So I don't know what the other sisters are going to do, but I'm declaring a Hughley-free zone. I don't need the negativism. I'm sure you don't care. This one letter is not going to impact your book sales or your show ratings one bit. But I'll feel better. And who knows, I may even wake up with a smile on my face in the morning. And won't that be something?

In conclusion, I don't really have a counter argument except to present to you the First Lady of the United States. Who is pretty damn awesome. Never without a smile and the epitome of grace. Are you calling her an Angry Black Woman too? God bless your wife and daughters. God. Bless. Them. Now go have some seats. Over there. On the other side of the stadium. Please and thanks.

BougieLand - why? Just why...

39 comments:

LadyL said...

DLH is a damn fool. I'm not a fan, never have been and never will be. This latest act of tomfoolery only solidifies my dislike for this man. Not talent + by any means necessary = bashing Black women. Done and done.

Cocoa Winston said...

Yes Chele - so tired of people getting paid for the "fixification" of Black Women. Enough already!

Andrea Morgan said...

I wonder if Mr. Hughley is of the opinion that this anger is unjustified? Or is it just unseemly, for us to have feelings and emotions and needs that do not fit into his allowable range of female human expression? Of course his expression of frustration at having to deal with our (alleged) perpetual anger is perfectly fine. 
Ah, privilege. Not just for white folks...

beks said...

The extended commentary with NPR is even more disheartening. While he is able to see that black men suffer from racism he is unable to make the connection between that oppressive structure and his own misogynistic comments. I love that your comment ask him to think about his own role in the angry black women who surround HIM all the time. I think it's time for us to start looking into the mental health of all people who believe in the negative generalizations about other people; be it whites about blacks or black men about black women (and reverse). These externalizations have sources that come from the individuals personal history as well. He should look up "reaction formations" as a method of beginning to understand his struggle interacting with Black women and take some responsibility for his mental health. Oh, and he's an -ss.

LadyL said...

I feel so sorry for his daughters! What kind of self-esteem will they grow up with with such a hateful man as a father? What issues will these girls have? What ideas will his son carry about Black women? He's irresponsible and self hating. He needs to run, not walk to a therapist chair. SMDH! Argh!!! This sugar honey ice tea makes me so mad!!!

EvolvingElle said...

And I liked DL... Like you, I am OVER the fascination mainstream media has with Black women.  Yes, we're attractive, educated, awesome, multi-faceted creatures.  Get over it!

LadyL said...

I'm sorry. I have to say it again: he's a damn fool. A fool.

rozb said...

My mother gave up on him a long time ago. She said she never liked his ass in the first place because he seemed to hate Black women so much! Mamas be knowin' - yep. They be knowin'.

But consider his buddy Steve Harvey. He is of that ilk, and who better to show him how to milk the "Angry Lonely Black Woman" teat until it is dry. Think about it - he had a TV show, he is on all these comedy specials - soon he will be lobbying for a game show and talk show of his own. If people excuse him, say it is "just jokes", then he will never get it.

However, I will still keep at getting my education, love the man who loves me for the Black woman I am, and support other fabulous, Bougie-tastic women in their endeavors. There are enough clowns, buffoons, and coons in our world without having to worry about the head one.

CaliGirlED said...

Riddle me this, what the hell DL been doing all this time??? Why so late jumpin on the Angry Black Woman bandwagon? It's been said, it's been written about, it's been profitable, it's been improperly counseled. We've moved on, where's he been! Damn having a stadium of seats he needs to just leave the stadium! This has become a not so funny joke repeated over and over AND over again. You may have gotten a few chuckles the first time or two, but now the sh*t just ain't funny!

Earthangel172 said...

Couldn't care less about DL Hughley with his corny, no joke telling ass.

I never liked him anyway. That is all.

Friday Foster-ABWW said...

Excellent blog post. Bashing black women makes money. It makes insecure black men feel more masculine, I really wish all these black women haters with find themselves a blond Becky and STFU.

David Chase said...

I was in a really awkward conversation earlier this week at work about privilege. My primarily white male coworkers balked at its existence and impact in 2012. I trotted out Trump as example. The one black female on the team told me not to discount black male privilege. I sort of shrugged it off as a lesser evil. Today she pointed to the article on DL and let me draw my own conclusions. Everybody needs to do better, but especially this irrelevant guy.

Kristina Bobo said...

 I think Steve Harvey has some talk show now, doesn't he?  I seem to remember a bunch of really annoying commercials for one...

JojoRaze said...

Someone needs to tell DL Hughley that 2010 called and wants its meme back. 

Ok, DL, black women are the most horriblest thing running.  Why don't you kill your mama, sister, aunties, cousins, daughters etc, and make the world a better place....

See how dumb that sounds, now?

rozb said...

 DL is the Jack of all Asses.

ASmith said...

It is incredibly exhausting to have the same black men who rely on our support show up and show out on US.  Lord Jesus be some... oh, I don't know... compassion... common sense... SMITE ON THEIR LIVES.  Oh wait.  That's me being angry.

T R Bruce said...

I wonder what the black women in his family think about this 'anger'.  Just dumb.

CCDreamz said...

As a black woman the statistics say every negative thing about me possible in terms of marriage, STDs/STIs, unwanted pregnancies, mental illnesses,  pay scale, poverty level, etc. The list of things that the statistics say are wrong with me goes on.  Am I supposed to be a happy camper with all the negative things being bandied about by the media about me? Seriously? I use to like DL and have supported his shows when he came through my city. Oh well. Another one I no longer have to support and more money back in my pocket.

Funny me and some friends were just discussing something like this. Like how many black men like to come up to a black woman they don't know and say the following: Smile! It ain't that bad!  Sweets, you can't read my mind. Maybe I have a reason to be upset today or any day. The fool walking around smiling all day is the fool that will be robbed sometime that day.

Leo the Yardie Chick said...

*le deep breath and sigh*

Next, please.

Chiqui said...

I am with you on that "smile" nonsense. Why tell me to smile when I am walking down the street on my way somewhere. I could be deep in thought trying to solve a problem or sorting through some stuff in my head for work. You interrupting me to tell me to smile makes me "angry" since now I have to re-capture my train of thought as well as being annoyed that some random person who knows nothing about me thinks I need to "smile." Maybe I was smiling before but I'm not now. DL is a fool & I am tired of people cashing in on my so-called Single Educated Black Woman "misery."
Where is our cut of the profits from these people since they are profiting off our "anger?" 

CCDreamz said...

Exactly! I noticed one day that non-black women don't walk around smiling all day long. The walk the streets just as non-smiling as we do. So why are we the only ones who have to smile on command? I'm not a model so I don't have to smile like one.

BlackLizLemon said...

Interesting that only a couple of dudes have chimed in.  Hmmm...

bashowell said...

Oh. And ew.

blackprofessor said...

Wow! I have been swamped so I missed this but all I can say is hmm.........

Narrity said...

Oh I hate that "Smile!" comment. In my experience it's usually an older black man. Sometimes it feels to me like there's hordes of black men out on the streets policing my every move. The way I look, whether I'm smiling or not, asking how my day is going (although they didn't ask anyone else who just walked past them) etc. I feel like I'm on exhibit. It really gets under my skin. Sometimes I retort back with a "You fuckin' smile!" And of course that just earns me the angry black woman label. *sigh* I can't win.

MariSol said...

Missed this entirely. Deep, deep sigh

Maxine Shaw said...

Direct quote from the book""Being a dad to daughters is very different from being a dad to sons. The dangers are different and the way they listen to you is different. I'm sure every father feels the same way that I do about his daughters. I love them, but I don't like them. Who likes women?""And when asked to explain that part in the interview he said "My daughters, who I love immensely, are so certain, like if a man can have a face only a mother can love, then women can have personalities only fathers can love."

LadyL said...

He's an idiot.

Sol_dier said...

To DL Hugely -- haha! laughs and points finger

On another note, there really are a contingent of men who take out their inability to freely love other men as an opportunity to really hate women. They say it and show it in their behaviour.

This man point blank says 'Who likes women'?  Wish he were brave enough to go the whole route and just date men already. and take all the 'game theory, pseudo macho men along with him.

Wambuig said...

Ha! Are we talking about the same DL who was offered a prime time time slot by CNN after POTUS won in 2008 which was supposed to "diversify" the main stream media as well as show case other black intelligent men with (of coz they had to pick the fool of the village!!!!)... but failed miserably to have any material of substance after which the show was cancelled? Wu le sigh deep breath... nuff said if this is the same DL, he had nothing then and has nothing of substance now worth our time. Next please

Kenyatte Winston said...

Uh huh, good job Sol_dier!  I see what you did there.  

invectiva said...

That's... incredible. I am sorry for his daughters and any woman who actually has to live with someone with this attitude. Boy needs to get into therapy, stat.

Lee Lee said...

D.L.= down low I mean did we really need more proof. I've been saying it for years.

La said...

I’m not entirely sure what was worse… that he said it or that there are black men all over social media cosigning it. *head in hands*
There are a couple different facets about this entire conversation that bother me; that everywhere we turn there is a new study/op-ed/article about how black women as a whole are bitter, fat, lazy baby mamas who are simultaneously too (insert fault here) but also too (insert polar opposite fault here) to be a wife/mother/business person. That there are people from within our own community, women and men alike, who loudly parrot back this bullsh!t they’ve heard elsewhere (Act like a lady but think like a man, girls!) like it is profound or helpful. And that there is largely a lack of counter narrative that gains as much traction or attention. Name ONE person, male or female, getting the money, opportunity or notoriety on a large scale that the likes of Steve Harvey and D.L. Hughley who are countering this hateful crap with something positive? Or a woman being praised by men to attack other men this way, the way women flock to Harvey or Tyrese or these other “relationship gurus”. Or, hell, even a man spouting sexism and calling it advice to MEN who is as popular or lauded.
I’ll wait.

La said...

:-O He really said this about his own daughters? Oh, those poor girls.

This all makes me extraordinarily interested to know more about his relationship with his own mother and how it has affected his pathology. Because this hatred didn't come from nowhere...

EvolvingElle said...

Yes, I'm replying to my own comment, because I thought posting a new comment would be a little... I don't have the right word for it, but pressing on.

This is just another example of how we, Black people, still suffer from the "crabs in a barrel" syndrome.  Must we (continue to) pull others down to bring ourselves up??? It's pathetic.  And the more I think about this whole mess, the hotter my blood boils. 

She said...

My response to DL Hughly is simply:

Still I Rise
By Maya Angelou b. 1928 Maya Angelou

"You may write me down in history
With your bitter, twisted lies,
You may trod me in the very dirt
But still, like dust, I'll rise.


Does my sassiness upset you?
Why are you beset with gloom?
’Cause I walk like I've got oil wells
Pumping in my living room.


Just like moons and like suns,
With the certainty of tides,
Just like hopes springing high,
Still I'll rise.


Did you want to see me broken?
Bowed head and lowered eyes?
Shoulders falling down like teardrops,
Weakened by my soulful cries?


Does my haughtiness offend you?
Don't you take it awful hard
’Cause I laugh like I've got gold mines
Diggin’ in my own backyard.


You may shoot me with your words,
You may cut me with your eyes,
You may kill me with your hatefulness,
But still, like air, I’ll rise.


Does my sexiness upset you?
Does it come as a surprise
That I dance like I've got diamonds
At the meeting of my thighs?...."


Mr. Hughley.... "My description can not fit your tongue...."

She said...

*And yes, I'm aware that I've misspelled his name. Suffice it to say, it's indicative of my level of indifference to the man.

BlackLizLemon said...

Days later and still only one comment from a male...tells me all I need to know. 

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