Monday, September 24, 2012

From the Archives: When TapBack happens

It's that time again.. Truthfully, it's apparently always that time. But as we inch closer to Holiday Boos and Cuddle Cocoa, it behooves me to remind everyone: Beware the TapBack (from March 2011):

Ah yes, the TapBack... one of our BougieLand special words. Defined as the reaching out of a former S.O. usually in the form of a phone call to test the temperature in case they 1) want you back 2) just want to "tap" or 3) want to mess with your head. Le TapBack.

Ladies want to know... why do you do it, fellas? We've moved on, you've moved on and yet here you go. Generally late at night with a full moon high in the sky... yonder come the TapBack. I received forty-eight (48!!) questions about TapBack. Why does it happen? How to handle it? What if it's one tap only, no repeat performances? How to make the calls stop? And so on, and so on, and so on...

I have multiple opinions on this topic. But it's not about me. Here to share their opinions are BnB regulars Mr. Skyywalker and JasonP. I setup a quick call with the fellas and posed the question... what's up with the TapBack?
Jason: First and foremost, this is not a male phenomenon. We can't even blame the testosterone on this one.
Skyy: Matter of fact, if you really want - we can blame 80% of TapBack on the alcohol.
Me: Your answer is really blame it on the alcohol?
Skyy: If it fits...
Jason: I think I've been hit by more late night/holiday/club parking lot TapBack than I've ever dispensed.
Me: You've never made a TapBack phone call?
Jason: Didn't say that. Just said TapBack is equal opportunity.
Me: Duly noted.
Skyy: Lookie here, you're sitting there, right? A song comes on, a movie comes on, a certain scent hits your nose and you think... oh yeah, her. You dig out the cell phone scroll through to see if the number is still there and next thing you know...
Me: TapBack.
Jason: There it is. Unless it's the wonder what game.
Me: Wonder what?
Skyy: Quit actin' brand new, everybody has looked through their contacts and said, "Wonder what happened to So-and-so?"
Me: I wasn't being brand new, just getting clarification.
Jason: Uh-huh and so anyway, it's not like some sort of malicious intent. Not like we wait until we see you on the street with some other dude and say, "Oh let me call and see what's up with that?"
Skyy: Unless it is.
Jason: Okay. True. Maybe we're jealous, maybe we're lonely, maybe we need cocoa and you always poured it correctly. All the lady has to do... is not answer the phone. 
Skyy: Boom. 
Me: Simple as all that?
Jason: Men are simple creatures. Unless it gets complicated.
Skyy: See now. That right there. My last TapBack phone call was fairly innocent.
Me: Didn't you get married a few weeks back?
Skyy: Exactly. So several months back when I got engaged, I made the closure "this shop is closed for further TapBack" call. 
Jason: Why even do that?
Skyy: Preventative strike. I try to meet drama before it pulls in the driveway.
Me: How'd it go?
Skyy: Not great. I called to say I was onto the next and she was like how about one for the road?
Me: Have a nice life Tapback?
Skyy: See? Messy. 
Me: So isn't it better just not to make the call at all?
Jason: In a perfect world sure. You could walk away from people without a what if or a look back. Sometimes you look back and TapBack happens.
Me: Thank you Gentlemen. I appreciate your time.
These were the questions posed last time, for those that answered - would you answer the same today? For those that didn't, feel free:

BougieLand, what say you? Jason and Mr. Skyy making sense? Does TapBack just happen? Are you guilty of making the call (sending the text)? Is there anyway for "sex with the ex" not to be messy? Wouldn't a clean break just be better? Do you avoid these calls or answer the phone to see what's what? Inquiring minds want to know. The floor is yours...


bashowell said...

Right on time.  Just got a TapBack text yesterday.  The number wasn't one in my phone but I could guess by the area code who it was.  So I simply responded "Who is this?".  And that was that.

EvolvingElle said...

As my homegirl pointed out on FB last week, "Cuffin season has started early this year." 

TypeALady said...

Yes, this is the time of year when all contacts marked 'DNA - Do Not Answer' in the cell choose to activate.  It's almost funny how you can start the countdown once you feel that first snap of cool, crisp, autumn air...smh.

GrownAzzMan said...

Glad the fellas pointed out that women perform tap-back as well. Most of the time they portray it as simply wanting to 'see how you are doing". It is easy not to answer the call if you can overcome the natural curiosity. I also think tapback is like sports seasons. It is starting to be a year-round thing.

MsJamie14 said...

The tapbacks have definitly ramped up now that the weather is cooling down.
I'm entertained...that's about it.

MsJamie14 said...

LOL. That's the best tapback dis out there. LOL

M Dot said...

I have female friends that have icons (no names) for certain tapback-blocked dudes.  They'll show everybody when they call. It's funny to me. Doggone shame when you call a woman and a pic of the devil is in place of your name.

blackprofessor said...

I just spit my tea out, that is hilarious!

Natasha said...

What is "cuffin" season?  I really don't know. #dontjudgeme

M Dot said...

a new term meaning the season when people try to set things up to get a "winter boo."  Cuffin = Handcuffing. A mess.

EvolvingElle said...

*No judgement* According to, simply put, "Cuffin Season" is when people who normally enjoy being single (or promiscous) realize fall and winter are coming, it's about to get cold, and they would rather have a real relationship. 

AppleBerryMIA said...

It's real out here. I received a call at work from a guy I haven't seen or heard from in 5 years. He was all "Hey Amy, you just ran across my mind nad I had to call to say how much I miss you. How are you?"
"I've been married for over a year. I'm good."
"So I guess you don't miss me back, huh?"
"That would be a no."
"Oh. Do you want me to call back in a few months?"

Mo said...

This guy I follow on Twitter even has  a "cuffin season calendar."

Earthangel172 said...

 ::taking notes::

Must use icons instead of DNA (Do.Not.Answer)!

Natasha said...

And thanks to the both of you.  I don't even know what to say to that. A mess is right.

GrownAzzMan said...

Or in other words 'winter boo' season...

thinklikeRiley said...

Don't want? Don't answer.
That simple.

CaliGirlED said...

 No that fool did not ask if you wanted him to call back in a few months!!! Heauxnanigans!

CaliGirlED said...

I don't think I have anything to worry about, but in case of any surprises, see Riley's comment below. I'm good, not going back!

Trey Charles said...

Followed by:
Don't start none, won't be none.

EvolvingElle said...

Pretty much... Because when the weather breaks in February and March, people start smelling themselves and want to be single again.

The Bunni said...

 We must follow the same person cause I saw that foolishness cross my TL too.

C Nelson said...

I feel oddly secure in the knowledge that all of my past relationship partners are entirely too far away from me to make this feasible.  We will forever more be out of sync, too -- it's just coming into beach and barbecue season here.  ;)

Sol_dier said...

the thirst... it kills him... it kills him, dead!

Marioned said...

I have been both a tapbacker and a tapbackee.  I understand it from both sides: It is what it is!  You decide what you want to do with it! 


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