Wednesday, September 05, 2012

Don't expect Michelleness if you ain't Baracking it


What can I tell you - Day One of the DNC was some awesomeness. My personal highlights included Cory Booker's eloquence and fire (and purple tie); Former Ohio Governor Ted Strickland saying if Mitt was Santa Claus he would fire the reindeer and outsource the elves, the Teddy Kennedy retrospective where we saw Mitt flippity-flopping on the issues years ago in a failed race against the Tedster; Massachusetts Governor Deval Patrick telling to Dems to get off dey asses and grow a pair (paraphrased), Lilly Ledbetter twanging her epic made-for-Lifetime-TV struggle against the man and San Antonio Mayor Julian Castro's dead on assertion that Mitt's problem is that he simply doesn't get it.

As engaging as all of that was nothing dazzled like FLOTUS. Michelle Obama (fellow Capricorn), came out with the hair laid and makeup flawless in a Tracy Reese dress and to die for J. Crew pink pumps. And then she delivered. She shared more than just an empty hearts and flowers about her man (side-eye to Ann), she stood up there and straight testified for Barack like she was pleading a Supreme Court case and preaching to the choir all at the same time.

Her obvious love, devotion and admiration for her husband, our President, rang true. She talked about his upbringing and hers. How they started out with a lot of love and a lot of debt. She took the anecdotes about her husband and related them to policies and agendas. She reminded the base that this was the same man they had voted for four years ago and he deserved that vote again today. It was a masterfully written and brilliantly delivered speech that held the audience captive. It was real. Here's an excerpt:

“I didn’t think it was possible, but today I love my husband more than I did four years ago. Even more than I did 23 years ago, when we first met,” the first lady said in a prime-time speech carried live by the major TV networks. “I love that he’s never forgotten how he started. I love that we can trust Barack to do what he says he’s going to do even when it’s hard – especially when it’s hard.”

Now, into this glorious moment a lot of the fellas on Twitter had their full Michelle admiration on. I completely understand that. I'm such a huge fan of hers. In my mind, I picture us meeting and becoming BFFs instantly. She is fabulous in ways many of us can only hope to be. But then some of the fellas went there. Why weren't more women on some Michelle-level about their men? Where was the ride-or-die? Where was the woman who would raise the kids, stay in shape, match them intellectually and be all that and then some? Where was their Michelle and why couldn't more women get like her?

Pump the brakes fellas. I stated on The Twitter that I wasn't sure I knew a man that would have me on national TV speechifying with a smile on my face and tears in my eyes for thirty minutes. Not tears of joy anyway. Michelle and Barack have twenty-three years in. They have put in the time and the work to make their relationship the beautiful vibrant thing we see today. When Michelle met Barack, she saw his potential, his intellect and his heart. They were well-matched in background, intelligence, ambition and physicality.

That doesn't happen every day. I don't expect a man to love me like Barack loves Michelle out the gate. I wouldn't step to a Barack level guy if I didn't think I was Michelle material. That street runs two ways. Don't expect a woman to ride-or-die for you and you half-assing it. Don't expect a Michelle while you Clintoning it up with random broads. As my Aunt Violet used to say, "Two birds need four wings to soar." Bring your own wings to the table fellas. That's all I'm saying.

Who watched the speech last night? Who wanted to sit down and compose sonnets about love, marriage and happily ever after when Michelle finished? For those of you in relationships - do you think you're in a Michelle/Barack zone with your s.o.? Those not in relationships, would you settle for less than that level of kinship, love and mutual admiration? Do share...

125 comments:

blackprofessor said...

I loved her speech and I especially loved the way she connected his core values to his policies.  Michelle reminded us that Barack talks the talk and walks the walk! I also liked Julian Castro's speech.  It was so endearing when he paid homage to his mom and his daughter's hair flinging was hilarious. 

I want what Barack and Michelle have - seemingly a true partnership.  Michelle has his back and he has hers. They seem like they cooperate with each other rather than compete with each other to get the job done. 

Think P. Smart said...

I saw all that foolishness last night.  Fools can't just let things be.  They always have to figure out a way to denigrate Black woman even as they are 'big-upping' the FLOTUS.  I bet none of them want to discuss the real possibility that were they to have seen Michelle 23 years ago, walking down a street, not dressed to the nines and face completely beat, they wouldn't look twice at her.  She's be too flat chested, gangly, dark, short-haired, etc.  She'd never get the chance to wow them with her brilliance because they'd be too busy ignoring her--beyond remarking about her being tall.

Furthermore, all the credit they are giving to Michelle for standing by Barack conveniently ignores she wasn't standing by Pookie, the dude with four baby-mommas and a rap sheet.  She was standing by an educated, smart man with nothing but a bright future ahead of him.

I have liked Michelle always because she is someone I can relate to.  She is my cousin who'd help me serve the elders at the family reunion.  She's the woman who wouldn't pass out business cards at a children's birthday.  She seems like someone who, were she not the FLOTUS, would still be approachable and do good work in the community.

MeetCharlieL said...

*ducks* Shots fired?
Okay then. *prepares to step game up*

Javalicious said...

*begins praise dance*
"Two birds need four wings to soar." Bring your own wings to the table fellas.
You betta preach, Chele! This post is lifegiving. I was just telling a guy he can't expect to lay it all on the line and go all ride-or-die when he can't commit to next Friday night. What part of the game is that?
I don't need a guy to be the next President but he needs to be about something and he needs to keep it all the way real. 

FreeBlackMan said...

But Chele - she was with dude when the car was missing a floor board and he was dumpster diving for furniture. You are not about to do that. #noshade

OneChele said...

First, putting #noshade at the end doesn't mean you didn't just throw shade. Second, dude I'm not 22 anymore. At 22, I would have looked at potential. Twenty years later? Naw son. You need to have arrived or be darn near there already. But you've given me an idea for a blog post so thanks!

FreeBlackMan said...

Point taken.

lessie brown said...

I am massively cynical about politics and love. But just for last night, I put that away. Michelle gave me hope. The way she wove her (their) life experiences into what it meant for Barack's leadership was brilliant. I want so badly to see that kind of leadership play out domestically as well as in our foreign policy (it's our foreign policy that scares me the most when I think about politics generally).

Her love and continued respect for him were obviously sincere.I won't lie: I want something like that. But that sh t takes work. Hard work. It's work that I don't think we're teaching people when we talk about relationships. It's work that took me years of introspection to learn. And it's work that not many seem willing to do. But again, just for now, I'm putting away my cynicism <3

Ace of Rambles said...

My love and I have been together since college and we definitely see the potential in one another. In the last four years we have pushed each other personally and professionally to really grow.

David Parrish, Jr.(Inkognegro) said...

It is Typical, and OH. SO. TELLING. that the focus is on the laugh-line.  Where is the obsessing and the chest-thumping about THIS part?

"We learned about dignity and decency — that how hard you work matters more than how much you make . that helping others means more than just getting ahead yourself.We learned about honesty and integrity — that the truth matters . that you don’t take shortcuts or play by your own set of rules. and success doesn’t count unless you earn it fair and square.We learned about gratitude and humility — that so many people had a hand in our success, from the teachers who inspired us to the janitors who kept our school clean . and we were taught to value everyone’s contribution and treat everyone with respect."The Flinstone Barockmobile (see what I did there?) is a cute laugh line, but thats not the CORE of the point she was making.  Dignity, Decency, Honesty, Integrity, Gratitude, Humility...THAT IS WHAT THE CORE MESSAGE OF THAT POINT WAS...AND THAT, my friends is where the choice was made.  Not MERELY the potential, because lets be REAL clear here, folk...As dire as it seems, finding a brother with a dream and a fitted cap full of potential aint that hardDignity, Decency, Honesty, Integrity, Gratitude, Humility ?  Much shorter supply.because...Ahem...Correct me if I'm wrong...but MOST of the offending cats profiled here are degreed salary earning gentlemen....no? 

Penny said...

I watched-that dress was gorgeous!!!  Yes, I know that has nothing to do with our political future-so what??  If she'd come out looking less than magnificent, look what fodder that would have been for the commentariat.  (See Gabby Douglas, who looked beautiful, thank you very much.)

Snickers at Michelle not standing next to Pookie with 4 baby mamas.  My favorite line last night  was from Gov. Strickland, “Mitt Romney has so little economic patriotism that even his money needs a passport."  I also loved how Gov. Patrick said that he would not stand by and let this president be bullied out of office.  Yay!!

@yo_q_crush said...

Looking at one of your responses to a comment on here BNB speaks loudly to the issue men AND women dont want to put on their construction hat and timbs to build towards the type of relationship the POTUS and FLOTUS have. Being in the microwave society everyone wants a ready made husband/wife not understanding sometimes in those situations there is a high level of selfishness that comes with it because he/she feels that "i built my empire, why didnt  you" or there is still a high level of only child syndrom "my toy/money/things" Its so much more fulfilling knowing you helped someone build toward their significance rather than walking into it midstream.

The first thing me and my wife realized when we chose eachother was that there were aspects of each other that the other needed badly if  we were going to realize our life purpose. There are aspects I am strong in where she is weak and vice-versa and neither one of us belittles the others weaknesses. Whether its finances/spiritual walk/cooking we both understood and ACCEPTED unconditionally where the other was, with the understanding there was a desire to grow more. Not to be cocky my wife NEEDS my calming demeanor in her life or she would go nuts and conversely I NEED her to be the fire under my azz to accomplish my goals/dreams
and while im only a newbie in this marriage thing, i look to couples like President and first lady (as well as couples within arms reach) who are beacons of light of how to do it RIGHT. its funny how people have mentors for jobs/organizations but the most important aspects of their lives; spirituality and family we dont seek guidance as often.  I just look forward to 22 years from now to see what high levels my marriage has accomplished and if its even 1% close to what they have I will be blessed

Mo said...

I guess those people on twitter missed  an interview FLOTUS did with,  I believe People's magazine. In that interview, she said (not verbatim)  people should realize it took HARD  work to get where they are now, make  their marriage work, rosy an all.

In general, I loved DNC, they stayed on policies and POTUS achievements. 

Moni said...

 I hate when people use that as an example of how women should lower their standards without revealing the full context of his situation.  He was also a dude who was a student at Harvard Law School, an editor (soon to be president) of the Harvard Law Review,  and a summer intern at a BigLaw firm what they met.   As a lawyer at that same firm, Michelle knew exactly how many doors those three factors opened (pretty much everything in the legal world). Not exactly working at McDonald's with no plans for the future. It would have been obvious to anyone with half a brain that Barry had huge potential (the book deal and University of Chicago Law School fellowship that he received before they were even married were obviously just the start).

Miz JJ said...

I may still be in la la land with my guy (one year next week), but it did make me want to write sonnets and love poems to him. He's pretty awesome...most of the time. But believe me it is still work for two independent, strong minded people to come together and make the compromises needed to have a successful relationship.

As for men who claim they want a woman like Michelle I believe they think they do, but overlook the amount of effort and work required. It's easier to be single and claim you can't find a 'good' woman then put in the effort it takes to develop and sustain a relationship with a 'good' woman.

Jubi The Great said...

As I said last night, folks forget one important thing: like attracts like, water always finds its level, birds of a feather, etc. You must embody that which you seek in a mate. Folks are so focused on what they want, or even worse, what they feel they deserve, and forget that they need to get themselves together as well.

Jubi The Great said...

 AWWWWWWW :-)

Jubi The Great said...

 Right! I said last night, Barack was broke, but he was Ivy League-educated broke, not the tweeting from my mama's basement broke that you see from some men tweeting abt looking for a Michelle.

ASmith said...

You hit the nail on the head, Chele.  I decided not to even go there with folks last night, because I LOVE Barack and Michelle's love for each other but sometimes I want us to see Mrs. Obama as someone other than her husband's wife, because even in her own primary definition for herself she's Mom in Chief.  Idk.  Sometimes, we get all caught up in one thing and she's tryna talk to us about something completely different.

That being said, the folks who wanna come the loudest about "where's my Michelle" (and sometimes "...my Barack") are the main ones who ain't about nothing.  I think we pick the parts of their history that fits our needs.  Yes Barack was broke as hell when Michelle met him but in a lot of ways (aside from that student debt) that was by choice.  You show me someone with 50-11 Ivy league degrees who CHOOSES to stay in his community and work his behind off and yes, I'ma be down because there's a CLEAR vision there.  This is not the same as homeboy who chooses NOT to work so he can "be in the studio" every day.  Barack wasn't rich, but he was about something that really mattered.

People be wanting you to support mess and it is nobody's job to support mess.

CaliGirlED said...

"I want what Barack and Michelle have - seemingly a true partnership. 
Michelle has his back and he has hers. They seem like they cooperate
with each other rather than compete with each other to get the job
done. "...THIS!!!

I'm seeing first hand a man who doesn't appreciate the potential partnership he could have with his wife. Instead he just wants her to be pretty and smile for the camera! Ugh!!!

Barack Obama is the epitome of knowing and appreciating what you have and letting others appreciate "her" as well!

CaliGirlED said...

"...he was Ivy League-educated broke, not the tweeting from my mama's basement broke..." DONE!!! Nuff said!

Nzi Daité NeNé said...

No point taken! That's why you and Condo will die without kids - Or have fatherless ones! Or even yet, die lonely!

Come on, woman! I hate it when the potential thing comes up in convesations - what potential? Look, you can insult the irresponsibility of a man but you can't equate financial prowess to a resultant of irresponsibility. You talk like we don't live in a country where more than 60% of black men have prison records- and you know it's all not their fault. Barrack smoked weed, he got silly, but he didn't pay the same price for it as many black men I know are paying sweat and blood for it right now making sweat shirts for you to buy with your potentialed man's money and/or support!

So cool your role on that potential thing - it's never made any sense in the context of the USA for the black man. But in any case, I wish you all the luck in finding a Barrack! Cos I know it's not any black man I know right now. Barrack is a lucky man, and he knows it, only your kinda of womanhood can't give the other black men who haven't been so lucky a tiny break! What's al this equality you fought for. How's a man able to marry down and women can't? It's double standards.

And it's cool though, we get around anyhow!

SingLikeSassy said...

 When my ex-husband and I went to counseling the FIRST thing the counselor said was that my ex needed more married men mentors/examples. Anything worth having is worth working for, it's not going to just fall in your lap and the marriage the Obamas have didn't just fall in their laps, they put in the work to make it great and will have to continue to do that to keep it great.

Also, why are some dudes always expecting women to audition to be their wife, but ladies are supposed to just take it on faith that he will be a good husband?

SingLikeSassy said...

For real.  If you are riding around without a floorboard and dumpster diving for furniture on the right side of 35, you didn't do something right.

No Comment said...

I did not like the dress and usually I like Tracy's dresses but Michelle looked FAB and her speech was GREAT! Her hair was laid for the GAWDS!!!!!

I think in general both men and women don't want to take the time or put in the time it takes to build something together. Even younger women and men want things instant and fast and have ideals of what their mate should have already vs. what they are already working on and building. In today's economy people are starting over, underemployed and unemployed from all ages and walks of life so the dating pool looks mighty different right about now. 

As I said on twitter last night everybody needs to be their BEST from body, mind, spirit and soul and go from there. Let your own light shine!

SingLikeSassy said...

 TABERNACLE! *does the huckabuck in my cubicle*

SingLikeSassy said...

Cos I know it's not any black man I know right now.  <-- then you need new people cause I don't know any criminals and convicts. 

CaliGirlED said...

"But that sh t takes work. Hard work. It's work that I don't think we're teaching people when we talk about relationships."...read Fairytales! *drops a fiddy in da plate*

Nzi Daité NeNé said...

 No point taken! That's why you and Condo will die without kids - Or have
fatherless ones! Or even yet, die lonely!
Come on, woman! I hate it when the potential thing comes up in convesations -
what potential? Look, you can insult the irresponsibility of a man but you can't
equate financial prowess to a resultant of irresponsibility. You talk like we
don't live in a country where more than 60% of black men have prison records-
and you know it's all not their fault. Barrack smoked weed, he got silly, but he
didn't pay the same price for it as many black men I know are paying sweat and
blood for it right now making sweat shirts for you to buy with your potentialed
man's money and/or support!

So cool your role on that potential thing - it's never made any sense in the
context of the USA for the black man. But in any case, I wish you all the luck
in finding a Barrack! Cos I know it's not any black man I know right
now. Barrack is a lucky man, and he knows it, only your kinda of womanhood can't
give the other black men who haven't been so lucky a tiny break! What's al this
equality you fought for. How's a man able to marry down and women can't? It's
double standards.

And it's cool though, we get around anyhow!

CaliGirlED said...

"We learned about gratitude and humility — that so many people had a hand
in our success, from the teachers who inspired us to the janitors who
kept our school clean."

With that and Julian Castro's "...because she (mom) held a mop I can stand here and hold a microphone..." (paraphrasing), you could have just knocked me over with a feather. I have always admired those who clean up behind other people's mess and continue to smile.

Nzi Daité NeNé said...

 Also, if you are a woman and at 35 you haven't found your Barrack, then you are terribly misguided, unless marriage is not your thing - that I can understand. Or perhaps, you've had bad luck. Ok. But, don't knock a man for not measuring up to you! We're living our lives - it's you complaining - so apparently it's not our fault.

TrulyPC said...

In awe of her!  I watched a live stream and Michelle Obama was nothing short of amazing.  I actually surprised myself and watched most of the convention and to have that night end with the First Lady giving that magnificent speech was phenomenal.  
Those not in relationships, would you settle for less than that level of kinship, love and mutual admiration? No, no and no.  It is the absolute reason that I am single now because if I can't have that then I am fine remaining single.  

nylse said...

I've always known the Michelles (and the Baracks)of this world existed since I consider myself to be similar to her (without the ivy league education).  None of that ride and die foolishness if you're playing the fool!  I'm 24 years married and all I know is that in order to have a happy successful relationship - character and morals matter, first for you and then the other person.
She nailed it last night and I was happy for her (fellow capricorn here also!)

CaliGirlED said...

 *shakes a tambourine and runs up and down the aisle*

Yo_q_crush you have said more than enough!!! Ditto all of it! And I love that you have marriage mentors, I am a true believer in that! YES!!!

SingLikeSassy said...

Also, cause you have run me hot with this silly shit my daddy who is in his late 60s has two degrees -- accounting and mathematics -- that he earned in the 1960s down South during Jim Crow.  He slept in the funeral home with dead people to pay his way through college. He then worked two jobs and put my mama through undergrad and grad school.

My uncle went to Vietnam then came home and used the G.I. bill to get his degree then opened a convenience store and now he owns several strip malls. His significant other owns her own multimillion dollar business and they support each other.

Those are real life examples, I don't have to just look to Michelle and Barack to see men and women working together,  it aint no dream for me.

So, I repeat, get you some new people.

Nzi Daité NeNé said...

 Yah, you would say that cos you live in that white neighborhood! You can say that - cos you think it's funny - you think you being smart.

Look, I have many friends, most of whom have been and are in prison. I love them. I am a man so I can understand their plight. You strike me as someone not at all sympathetic to the lopsided rage and aggression we suffer in our black communities at the hands of the police in the name of 'justice'. But, it's cool, cos bougie black folks like to talk this talk all the time  - only I talk reality and you keep dreaming!

@yo_q_crush said...

thats the problem too many people arent taking HONEST self assessments. they thing because they have "stuff and things" that their life is cool and they are prepared for what life throws them in a partnership like marriage. It wasnt until i had NOTHING that I began to realize who i was and what i needed out of life, and sadly not enough people are ready to look within and be true about their issues/shortcomings.

iExemplifyCOOL said...

This reply is why I check your site faithfully! Yes!!!

Lady4Real said...

I'm terrible at following politics so I can't speak on the speech or the DNC at all. I can speak on the awesomeness of POTUS & FLOTUS. What we see in public is the product of many years of learning and growing. I see two people who understand one another, who look out for one another and who respect one another. I've had two failed marriages but I've learned from them because before they went down the crapper I worked my tail off, watching seminars, speaking to elders, reading books and staying close to healthy long time couples. I've learned from all my studying and applying that a strong, healthy and supportive marriage comes with communication, respect and passion. Pookie the trashman has a Tywanda who is his Michelle. Thomas the stockbroker has Lisa who is his Michelle. Tameka the hair stylist has Jamaal who is her Barack. Teona the real estate agent has Jermaine who is her Barack. As long as you respect one another, support one another and love one another your relationship is it's own Barack and Michelle.

Nzi Daité NeNé said...

 You gals are interesting - as if Ivy has anything to do with it. The reason you gals come on these sites and post all these misguided comments without a robust reply from the male perspective is because we are in prison; busy making shoes and sweat shirts so you can dilly dally around looking for Barrack. Good luck!

CaliGirlED said...

"Also, why are some dudes always expecting women to audition to be their
wife, but ladies are supposed to just take it on faith that he will be a
good husband?"....*slaps Sassy* Girrrrl...

SingLikeSassy said...

 If bougie folks bother you, why are you here? This IS called Bougieland.

@yo_q_crush said...

Also, why are some dudes always expecting women to audition to be their wife, but ladies are supposed to just take it on faith that he will be a good husband?

no clue but women need to stop that... "faith without work is dead" and even though we should operate in knowing God will do what he said he would do, we still have WORK to do in order to show ourselves worthy to receive the blessing of being someones husband or wife. too often people look at marriage as a rite of passage or something that just people do... there are things all of us need to do internally to show that we are worthy and it has nothing to do with the kind of job you have or your physical attributes, its about character, vision and realizing that you two coming together is just as much a benefit to the world as it is to you two. There is a great calling that should be carried out through your union and if not you need to reevaluate your life purpose  

blackprofessor said...

 It's funny that you mentioned this because I am a firm believer in having marriage mentors.  In fact, I had dinner last night with one of my marriage mentors who told me their secret.  She said "I had to be the right person with the right attitude and I had to find the right person with the right attitude."  The conversation was over after that, lol! 

Mo said...

Sir, like our hostess said yesterday, if you going to disagree do it  with respect.  I'm of the school of thought if you do not anything nice to say, do not say anything at all.

CaliGirlED said...

"Barrack smoked weed, he got silly, but he didn't pay the same price for
it as many black men I know are paying sweat and blood for it..."...PUMP.THE.BRAKES!!!

Who is on lock down for smoking weed??? Come on man let's keep it real! They may be paying sweat and blood for selling it, but just smoking it? Ok that's their story and they're sticking to it! :-/ This is nonsense! I have known more people than I choose to count who smoke weed and have NEVER gone to jail for it. Because truth is if you have enough for them to even bother arresting you, booking you, taking you to court AND sentencing you, then you had MORE on you than just enough to smoke...Oh you talkin bout Ray Ray? Man he was on probation, wasn't 'posed to have nothing on him!

blackprofessor said...

 Sassy, me and you are here! My family is also filled with men and women who grew up under oppressive Jim Crow conditions and STILL found a way to make things happen.

TrulyPC said...

BWAHAHA!  Are you high now?  Is this supposed to make women more amenable to wanting Baracklessness in a mate.  

CaliGirlED said...

"Barrack is a lucky man, and he knows it..."...YEP he is! And when he had the opportunity to meet luck, as a lot of us do, HE was prepared and ready, as a lot of us are not!

@yo_q_crush said...

so true... its possible to have what they have and while it may not look the same OUTWARDLY as theirs does, you can possess the same components that makes their love shine like a million bucks even if you only have $10 

Lady4Real said...

Mentors for creating a family and remaining a family are fundmental. I grew up understanding that my elders held the wisdom I needed to be sucessful in life so I learned to sit at their feet and soak up all I could while I could. I come from t.v's without remotes, stoves to heat up dinner and analog watches. I'm only 29 but I grew up old school, having to work hard and take my time to get results. Not everything taste good coming out of the microwave but the stove warms up everything perfectly. You hit the nail on the head with this comment I just makes my heart happy, go to the elders for guidance and you can't go wrong.

beks said...

"It's easier to be single and claim you can't find a 'good' woman then put in the effort it takes to develop and sustain a relationship with a 'good' woman."
Amen to simple truths. (writing this one down)

Lady4Real said...

Deja vu, my first husband was told the same thing and even had a few men take him under their wing. Then the older ladies tried to plant a few seeds but he wouldn't have any parts of it. Meanwhile I hung around those women like a fat kid in the kitchen while Momma is whippin' up all his favorite dishes. I was sucking up everything I could, an investment that will pay off for some lucky man one day.

@yo_q_crush said...

dude miss me with that violin song... its all about CHOICES those homies you know who are in jail or feel they are bound by circumstances of life made the decision to be. While not everyone is born with a silver spoon or even a plastic spoon at the end of the day you still can choose what utensil you want to eat from the pie of life 

Being from Detroit ive seen BOTH sides and i decided at a young age which side i was going to be on. Jail/children out of wedlock/struggling was not part of my life plans so when things came into my life that made sure i wouldnt end that way I took advantage.  I know more people on the good side of things than the bad so if we could do it in one of the most dangerous cities in america i know others can too


the reality you speak of is because you allowed it become your reality...

beks said...

sh-t there is a time limit to find my mate??...why didn't anyone tell me!!!!! (read: sarcasm)  Why do you feel so comfortable speaking for all black men? unless you meant the royal we ( I hope so...)

AGDM said...

She had a lot of moxy. I dug it. 

I'm bringing my wings to my "Michelle" tho and we doin a ok. Thanks for allowing me ruin that analogy. 

And you right about the Clintonish behavior on our part. The problem is the myriad/plethora/gaggle/abundance of women who think they are worthy of a Barack-like brother but are nowhere near Michelle level to begin with. Then they get mad when they have that stain on their dress and he doesn't want to even know you afterward.

I'm all about working to increase the communication and understanding between our people without it constantly degrading to a battle of the sexes though. So I'll end with don't talk about it, just be about it. Stay ready so you don't have to get ready (for your "Obama").

Just_A_Thought1218 said...

I watched the speech, and I loved it!!! I stan so hard the first lady you don't even know.  The height of my stannage: I've seen the President in person, touched his hand when he was still the candidate and spoke at FAMU.  I was giddy, excited (and I didn't use the restroom for HOURS because I didn't want to wash that hand until I absolutely HAD to) and bragged to one or two ppl.  I got near the group of handlers surrounding Mrs. Obama during a press event later that day, caught sight of her looking and smiling in my direction and caught the vapors. 

Anywho, I too was touched, as I always am, by how much she loves and supports her husband.  Everytime I see them interact or speak about each other, it reminds me of what I'm looking for.  Did it make me want to write sonnets? Nah. I'm not a poet and I stay in my lane.  However, I do desire that level of genuine friendship, devotion, and love in my future marriage.  Current beau and I are getting there.  If I didn't see the potential, I'd be out.

Side Note:  Funny how the fellas almost immediately went from Michelle devotion to slandering black women for not being her.  It's like even in admiration, they can't let a sista win. 

Unknown said...

hello darlin'. i intend to blast your post far and wide. what astute observations. but then, i am not surprised. *raises fist*

TyLand said...

You have a new follower because of this comment alone! LOL

Just_A_Thought1218 said...

"Dignity, Decency, Honesty, Integrity, Gratitude, Humility ?  Much
shorter supply.because...Ahem...Correct me if I'm wrong...but MOST of
the offending cats profiled here are degreed salary earning
gentlemen....no? "

Yup. Game, blouses.

CaliGirlED said...

Man listen you are talking one sided, just as you are accusing Sassy of doing. I KNOW both sides of it. Saw guys make wrong choices and pay consequences (some actually got away with a lot that they should have paid for), and I saw guys make the right choices. I have male cousins, siblings, one a true BLUE gang banger, the other an athlete and decent student. Yeah both were quick to whoop some ass when necessary, but one chose to veer closer to the right than to the left. I myself had options, but chose to stay on the "bougier" path. But as I look back I realize that there were times when I put myself in some less than safe situations that could have really turned out bad.

Yes we have several, hell many, Black men in prisons due to some injustices and debauchery of the legal system, BUT we have many who are out in deez streets still doing what it takes to make it! So as Yo_q said, "miss me with that violin song"!

thinklikeRiley said...

Nah son. Don't come up in Black n BOUGIE talmbout folx gonna die alone cuz dey ain't repping for da prison set. This here ain't dat blog. Plus, let's not act like Rack-Rack was on the corner moving weed like weight, a-ight?

Sweatshirts - WTF?

GTFOHWTBS.

taut_7 said...

there are a lot of people (not just black people) who have records for simple possession. i.e.- getting pulled over and the police finding a roach in their vehicle. the criminalization of marijuana is real especially if you live in a major city with a police department that is hungry for arrests to prove that they are indeed fighting the "war on drugs".

Nzi Daité NeNé said...

 Don't you start sounding ignorant. Why am I here? Do you bother me? Yes, you do! That's why am here. Where else am I going to have a discussion with you? You don't come to read my blog or leave comments? What, you don't want me here? I'll leave then. Thanks!

J B said...

 Black men make sweat shirts?  Who knew...

Ricki W. said...

What you type here is 100% wrong.  The war on drugs has specifically targeted these people and very few states have decriminalized weed and continue to lock black men up for being recreational users.  Not selling.  Using.  If you really want to know the deal read The New Jim Crow. 

Leon X said...

I know this has nothing to do with the conversation. You know the Democrats are lethal when they bring out a dead man to son Romney.

Think P. Smart said...

Hey Detroit! I was raised their too. For me, it boils down to something really simple that I ask when ppl use institutional racism as their foundation for their current circumstances: What would you do and who would you be if didn't have the excuse, albeit valid, of institutional racism and limited opportunities? The people who have no answers are destined to stay where they are. The ones who do have answers are the ones I'm willing to sit with to strategize ways of getting into better life positions.

CaliGirlED said...

It's not 100% wrong. I was not saying that folks have not gotten arrested and maybe even served some time. However, he said that men were in jail paying sweat and blood for smoking weed and being silly. My response was to his over exaggeration. Yes some people have gone down and drew the short draw of justice, but the disproportionate number of Black men in jail are NOT there for smoking a little weed. Which is what he eluded to.

Nzi Daité NeNé said...

 What can I say? You are ignorant. Maybe prison will do you some good - you might start reading something more akin to helping you understand race relations in America and the world.

"WTF?" As if when you put it in an acronym then it sounds better? And don't call me 'son' - see, if you were a little more educated you'll would have understood why 'son' & 'boy' are quite derogatory to a black man. But, if you were trying to look down on me, then shame on you!

It's some of you guys who make us all look; you write three sentences and none of them makes any sense. Come on.

Think P. Smart said...

"Side Note: Funny how the fellas almost immediately went from Michelle devotion to slandering black women for not being her. It's like even in admiration, they can't let a sista win."
Right!! They just went back to the bitterness in their bone marrow.

OneChele said...

Nice comment. I agree. If this had a Venus vs. Mars tilt, my bad. I definitely want both sides to step their game (in some cases way up) and bring their best (flossiest wings) to the table before demanding that of others. 

CaliGirlED said...

 Appreciate the response so that one can't think that we gals have no robust men to counter our comments! I feel you, we agree.

Nzi Daité NeNé said...

 You are one of the few who've made a sincere contribution here. I do not condone brothers looking down and treating sistas like nothing - if anything, every sista deserves a KING. Reality is, not every man or woman can live in the palace. More important, we must learn to respect one another - that's all we've got. That's what Michelle and Barrack has. RESPECT!

OneChele said...

Bloggers Note - Why the HELL are we talking about weed and sweatshirts? 
This is the problem, good people. This was a feel good story about the love b/n FLOTUS and POTUS with a little tongue-in-cheek commentary on how we should all aspire to get like them.
Somehow, the conversation devolved.
Again. This is black 'n bougie. The sentiments are my own. Agree, disagree but keep it classy or take it outside.

invectiva said...

Someone is new here. 

Think P. Smart said...

They make all sorts of things in prison and get paid less than minimum wage. Those wages do not go to support the kids they have on the outside either. Now, imagine if those companies had to pay minimum wage to prisoners OR free people. There would be a lot less lobbying for harsher sentences to keep prisons full. The prison system really is more about business and less abt punishment and resocialization.

Lady4Real said...

My sentiments exactly

Lady4Real said...

Good bye son!!!

Lady4Real said...

"its about character, vision and realizing that you two coming together is just as much a benefit to the world as it is to you two. There is a great calling that should be carried out through your union and if not you need to reevaluate your life purpose "<<<<<<<<<<THIS IS EVERYTHING TO MY LIFE RIGHT NOW!!!! Printing and posting all over my house. 

taut_7 said...

the new jim crow is an excellent book.

David Chase said...

Relationships are hard. Even when you have the major elements aligned, there are a multitude of things that can trip you up along the way. I agree that if you are bringing your A game to the table, you have every right to expect that your s/o will do the same with consistency, dedication and a sense of fair play. Whether Harvard education or Hancock School of Handymen (I don't know) - as long as everyone is doing their best, that's all you can ask.
Michelle and Barack are definitely an inspiration, aspiration and confirmation.

blackprofessor said...

 its about character, vision and realizing that you two coming together
is just as much a benefit to the world as it is to you two. There is a
great calling that should be carried out through your union and if not
you need to reevaluate your life purpose - THIS!!

The_A said...

*hugging myself running sweaty Holy Ghost laps around Bougieland screaming* 
HALLEELLLUJAH!!!!!! PREEEEEEEEEECH!!!!! GLLLORRRRREEEH!!!!*falls out slain in the spirit before I can even read the other comments*

Nzi Daité NeNé said...

 Thanks! You are thinking and you are reading - a lot, a whole lot. You made my day!

Nzi Daité NeNé said...

 You made my day Sir!

blackprofessor said...

This was a feel good post and there is no reason for the conversation to have devolved! We can all agree that Barack and Michelle are an excellent marriage role model.  We can all agree that EVERYONE needs to step their game up in the relationship arena, whether they are married or single.  Even if you think you have the bomb relationship, there is ALWAYS room for improvement as long as you are breathing. 

What is there to argue about?

Nzi Daité NeNé said...

 Ha! Thanks. Wow, so we can agree. I'm happy!

Whitney said...

If we stop trying to live the life we think the Obama's are living and live our own, dedicate ourselves to our marriage, family and the business of marriage, we can have a successful, working marriage.  It also sets the foundation for the rough times.  Trust me, it's taken them 22 years to get where they are, it doesn't happen overnight.  Love the POTUS & FLOTUS!

Nzi Daité NeNé said...

 I haven't met a single black man complaining about finding women - so I'm not quite sure who the joke's on!

JoycelynC said...

 I second this entire comment!

Nzi Daité NeNé said...

 Here we go with another parrot. Did you forget your English lessons or something? 'We' can refer to as many people as two or more! Some on of you hear some 'smart' person make a comment about 'we' and you think you should repeat it. Don't!
When I say 'we' whatever the group shouldn't veer from the conversation. If you have a counter narrative, state it - you'll learn that way.

Michele said...

Just scanned the comments and it seems things went into a very weird (non-bougie) place.  Whoa.

I saw Mrs. Obama's speech and it moved me.  This is a woman who loves her family and will always put them first.  Period.  Being able to maintain a solid marriage while in the spotlight can't be easy but she handles it flawlessly.  Some of us should be so lucky.

Think P. Smart said...

Even if things aren't peunderstory understand discretion and that married business is married business.

Karen said...

thanks!

CaliGirlED said...

So wish I would have commented first when I stopped in this morning. NTWays....

I have been in love with the Obamas since day one! Actually before the campaign because I had some glimpses of them when he was Senator. But since the presidency it has been more than apparent the love and hard work that they have put into their marriage, family, careers and community. I simply love them both! And I think the country is better off because they are here for everyone. Sure every issue may not be to my liking, but the general concern is for the country as a whole, not just a selected few.

You haven't mentioned Aunt Violet in a minute! Love to hear her sayings! LOL

JaymeC said...

I like to think that Owen and I have something special. It's been 20 years this November and we still not only love but like each other. As Michelle said, there is something about meeting someone who has a commonality in upbringing, thought and goals not to mention all the attraction and conversation.

I don't understand the concept of marrying down - financially? That can be overcome. But without shared belief systems and values - things are going to be rocky. Is someone on the same page, in the same place, on the same level as you emotionally, physically, intellectually, morally, spiritually - that's what needs to be asked and that's what's going to make a difference in the end.

BTW - I'm stealing that Aunt Vi quote. Can you crochet me a pillow with the four wings on it? :)

Liz said...

Can you at least take the time to spell the man's name right?  The man's been POTUS for four years, least you could do is sound coherent when trying to make a point.  Yikes. 

Bailey said...

I literally just had this discussion with a potential s.o. - he was all "I need you have my back" and I said "then you need to have mine" he gave me one of those "you know I'm here for you" lines with nothing to back it up. I don't understand these men that want you to give up everything for them and they can barely remember to make a phone call. 

Let me go before I get to ranting. Great post, interesting comments. O__0

La said...

Lawd, don't feed the trolls.

Anyway, I had to log off twitter almost immediately after the FLOTUS' speech last night because I just KNEW it was coming; the onslaught of "well if you were more like Michelle, maybe I would be more like Barack" and I just could not handle it. The point was made below, but it bears repeating; broke because you're a Harvard law grad with debt starting out at a large firm isn't nearly the same as broke because you got fired for standing in line to pay $300 for the new J's. Let's all be ABUNDANTLY CLEAR ABOUT THAT.

I said this last night on twitter, but I think what is truly affecting about the Obamas is that more than they love each other, more than they like each other or are still attracted to each other (and all those things are true), they seem to genuinely admire and respect each other as individuals, not just as spouses. I would like to find that very much. I can almost guarantee that won't be found in any man who jumps first to attacking black women for what he perceives they are not.

Sol_dier said...

shhhhh..... no need to interrupt foolish people from providing free entertainment.

Sol_dier said...

you are not having a discussion. you are ranting, projecting your insecurities, being damn presumptuous and spouting BS rhetoric.

You've contradicted yourself, berated people attempted to 'shame women' into picking from the prison population, preached your reality as if its the only existence and tried to guilt trip & threaten black women here by what you think their reason for being is.

You are not discussing, that takes being able to listen to someone else beside yourself, weighing their point of view and responding without throwing an insult.

Your method is not working. If you want a discussion show some respect, if not well bugger off then

Sol_dier said...

. He then worked two jobs and put my mama through undergrad and grad school.
see this right here.... 

Sol_dier said...

black women are not locked up for this?
You people talk as if black women are not targeted, black womewn are getting killed for going into hospital to request medical treatment!

GTFOH

Sol_dier said...

you have been everything except respectful... If you truly believe what you've typed here .. 
More important, we must learn to respect one another - that's all we've got. That's what Michelle and Barrack have. RESPECT!

Then show your mettle as a man and apologise to Sassy and Onechele for the blatant disrespect you've shown. Otherwise.. all your talk is just that... talk.

Mykeia said...

I just died from laughter.
I am in the boat with you.

Mykeia said...

Love me some Sassy!  
That is all.

aishao1122 said...

are y'all sure this just shawn running rampant?? trolls are just too much 

keishabrown said...

late...but throws my entire wallet in the collection plate.

keishabrown said...

O_O

so...the fellas that frequent this site don't exist? eaux. 

aishao1122 said...

this is one of the reasons i stayed single for a long time, no need to make you come to the table with everything while i have nothing even lined up. Nope got myself together somewhat and found someone to build the rest with. 

Singlelif said...

Haven't commented in a minute..but after reading this comment, I see that IGNORANCE IS STILL FREE...

keishabrown said...

LOL. welps. 

invectiva said...

 Did his previous reply to you get deleted? Tsk tsk.

Whitney said...

You. Are. Preaching.

Marioned said...

Love the FLOTUS and the POTUS!  And Michelle's speech was awesome.  She slammed Mitt without mentioning his name by telling us about the President and what he stands for, their background and how he really cares.    The thing that holds the Obamas together  is so  much more than their education or looks, but rather their devotion to each other.  I do not think they match up as much as they complement each other.  I also believe that Obama's upbringing actually impacts how he views women.  He grew up distant from the misogynic environment that so many black men grew up in.

Chree Carr said...

 This post was everything.  Thank you!

Brownbelle said...

"
I don't understand the concept of marrying down - financially? That can be overcome. But without shared belief systems and values - things are going to be rocky.  "<-- Church! My fiance is definitely used to a higher standard of living than I grew up with (the first time he saw me buy name brand cereal I think he died a little inside) but we are on the same page for all the things that matter. Money comes and goes regardless of where you start out, but if you don't have respect, commitment, devotion, etc. it won't work for a lifetime.

Brenda Kay said...

Who is Barrack?

Brenda Kay said...

Blah, blah, blah...

Brenda Kay said...

New Bougieland Rule ~ If you are unable to properly spell the name of our 44th President, then you are NOT allowed to post any comments here. 

Good lord... 

C Nelson said...

 You noticed that too, huh?

Lola Gets said...

Nzi Daité NeNé, stop trolling this good woman's blog and linking it to my site. I dont know who you are or what your motives are either, but you are wrong and need to stop. If you do not cease and desist, I will work with others to determine who you are and take appropriate action. There is only one Lola Gets, and that could never be you. Move on.

Tyjuana W. said...

Some men should settle for a Joselene Hernandez instead...
Enjoy! http://www.singleandhappyonline.com/2012/09/you-aint-barack-ngga.html

#teamsingle

CorettaJG said...

Same here!  *Goes to the ATM for more.*

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