Tuesday, September 18, 2012

Are super-relationships the new bling? Lesson Two


It's funny how I thought there was nothing I could learn from Iyanla's Fix My Life. I'm not a fan of reality TV, I don't give two shakes of a damn about Evelyn or Chad, never paid a ton of attention to Iyanla and my overall thinking was "ratchet is as ratchet does." And then I actually watched the show. Thankfully, I was able to look beyond the National Inquirer aspects and get to the life lessons.

Lesson Number Two was also spurred on by a minor rant @PlyrPerspective had on Twitter. She was talking about this era of Power Couples. The competition to make sure your relationship is shiny and glossy is real out there.

Light bulb moment - have I been too centered on what my relationships looked like from the outside looking in as opposed to their wellness from the inside out? In other words, how much is having that "good on paper" person on your arm more of a trophy and less of a relationship?

Sure, we all want to date people we think are attractive. We want to date people that our friends and families will like. We want others to be impressed with our choices. We also want people that are going to be assets and not liabilities. My gut check comes into play when it's a toss-up whether I'm attracted to the person from the inside out or from the outside in. Is it more about the checklist? And is it more important even to just to be in a relationship with a decent person just to validate your own fabulosity?

And then I think about it. Naw, I'm good. I'd rather take a less glossy person with a heart of gold. (Not tore up, let's not get carried away) And Lord knows if I just wanted to stay in a relationship for relationships' sake... well, that's another post. But does everyone feel the same? Are there too many folks trying to get their Bey-Jay, Michelle-Barack, or dear heaven Ye-Kim on? For the wrong reasons? Is it really about achieving super coupledom or holding on to a lifemate?

Let's discuss. Have relationships become too much about the shell and less about the yolk? Are "photo-op matching resumes" relationships what's hot in the streetz? Are the relationships the new bling? Do share...

106 comments:

GrownAzzMan said...

This is not something I do (any more). It will be interesting to see the responses though.

CaliGirlED said...

People, in general, are not getting married for love, they're getting married for status. The institution of marriage is being defamed. And while there are still some who respect and honor marriage...well we don't hear much about them.

EvolvingElle said...

Hmmmmm... I love love.  I love Black love.  But I sometimes give the side eye to my friends that are ALWAYS going on the FB talking about how their boo is the greatest and how they're so in love.  Are you trying to convince everyone else or yourself?  I didn't want to seem like the bitter friend, but when my homegirl (who is married) shared my sentiments, I knew I was right in my side eye-ing.
 
I say all that to say, I'm not sure why people want to be the next super couple.  But if you have to shout your love from the rooftops of social media once a week, then it's probably for the wrong reasons.

thinklikeRiley said...

I blame that Kardash heffa.
Shut up about yo damn love life! Maybe that ish would work out if you quit splashin over all da damn media outlets.
Folx real caught up in the "prestige" of relationshipism (yeah, I made it up).
Chill out, fall in love and be quiet about it.
Uh, 'cept you Chele. You can share all the details ya like.
*grabs more popcorn*

CaliGirlED said...

 I believe in appreciating and acknowledging when you have something good. But folks are "shouting from the rooftops of social media once a week" for folks doing what folks are supposed to do.

Grace said...

I remember when everyone was talking about wanting that Cliff and Claire Huxtable relationship.
Sure you do but what are you doing to get it?

BB Waite said...

My grandmother used to advise, "The best thing you can say about a good relationship is nothing at all."

Think P. Smart said...

People want to choose people who are a reflection of the selves they want others to see.  If a lady wants the world to think she is hot shyt, she will position herself to be chosen (not choose) a hot dude.  At the heart of this is how she wants people to see her--not who she believes she truly is as a person.  Does that make sense? 

The short answer:  YES to all of t he above.  However, I don't think this is new at all.  History shows that people who are shiny are sought after.  Whether isn't the hottest boy/girl on the playground or the two hottest people on campus.  I know this because my (divorced) parents were the cheerleader and basketball player and best dressed so they HAD to be together.  *eyeroll*

As for whether people get married for the wrong reasons, who am I to tell them their reasons are wrong?  Much like they can't tell me my reasons for NOT marrying aren't good enough' I'm certainly not going to pretend to be the official word on what is a good, bad, or real reason to get married.  I'll focus on the question most important to me:  Will they get ten years use out of this wedding gift I am about to buy?

Think P. Smart said...

I used to be shocked with those 'perfect' couples went from blissfully married to 'separated', to 'divorced' on social media.  Then it hit me!  Those status updates were to 1) convince themselves everything was good 2) to remind their spouses how good they have it 3) were a presentation of a photoshopped life.

EvolvingElle said...

Exactly.  If you're in a relationship with someone, you picked them because they compliment your life.  And if you picked the right peson, they should be doing the great things that relationships are made of. Oversharing is not hot in the streets.

SouthernWes said...

I saw a lot of this in college. The hottest person here wanted to date the hottest person there for fullest star power potential. Didn't see a lot again until now. 

It is (as someone said below) the influence of media, social media, and bling culture. "Hottest girl in the game wearing my chain" is important to some people. Now whether that's the primary reason for picking someone - their hotness factor over other things. All I can say is good luck getting through the rocky times on hotness alone. No one's hot at 3 in the morning with a sick child, a cranky wife and no clean laundry and you have to be up at 5 a.m. No one.

It's real out here. *goes to take a nap*

Jason P said...

Might need to take a step back and define relationship for some people.
People are out here claiming relationship status and are smash buddies on the low.
Worst thing that happened to relationships in the new millennium?
Facebook. 

Javalicious said...

Yeah, if you're using bling as something shiny to show-off how awesome you are?
Yup, relationships are the new bling.

ClayJones said...

This has always been done amongst high profile people. The difference is now with social media, everybody thinks they are high profile too. You can't facebook about your fab-lux (or whatever they say) life without an equally high profile partner - how would that look? :-/

blackprofessor said...

Great post! It should be about holding on to a life mate but it isn't.  When the relationship that I thought would turn into marriage fell apart, I realized that I was guilty of the very thing you are discussing.  He and I looked great from the outside - attractive, intelligent, highly educated, good families, etc.  Yet, we weren't even compatible and definitely didn't share the same values.  

I think that partners just have to fully love each other and the relationship will speak for itself with nary a word spoken. 

MsJamie14 said...

I'm concerned about how my relationship "looks" only as a gauge. That gauge is... If I had to write my "relationship story" how WOULD it look? Would it be a story I'd be proud to tell, or would I have to omit several years and tales of ratchetry? Would I have to admit to myself I was only in it cuz I didn't want to be alone, that I ignored red flags, that I just wanted to let the world know that I found someone who loved me?

And ultimately, that gauge has me hitting the relationship "eject" button time and time again. I date a lot, but don't have a lot of boyfriends and definitely don't have a lot of long-term relationships. So I guess I'm looking like the chick that can't keep a man. *shrugs* I'll be that, cuz if it's not right, it's not worth doing. At least for me.

Carey Jackson said...

I had the glossy boyfriend and he was a total ass. Glossy when they know they are glossy - UGH.
I'll take the quiet one in the corner reading a book, please and thanks.

Think P. Smart said...

You look like the chick who can't keep a man to those who know they have aligned themselves with, or married, someone they wish they hadn't. You remind them that they had another very viable option and didn't take it. They have to find fault with what you are doing to justify their own situations.

keishabrown said...

yes. yes and yes. 

Anonymous said...

Faith and values are foundation of relationships.Can't base it of of hollywood celebrities and tv shows.

Sol_dier said...

I tend to think its always been this way. People get into relationships for all sorts of reasons. Security, image.. e.t.c.
We tend to presume that was are all looking for some semblance of balance but I don't think thats true. 
Some people don't care about love, understanding or even respect. Just provide a roof, cook meals and look good on my arm.

 I like being in a relationship with someone I actually like, someone I approve of.  The most important requirement of my relationship is that WE are in tune with each other, find each other beautiful by our own standards and are satisfied. 

Sol_dier said...

I dunno my sister from yonder... The institution of marriage was never about love. Once we stopped worrying about property, security and such we injected love into it. 

Back in the day (in some European countries) Men who married were laughed at and called boring. Men were supposed to marry to procreate and keep a steady stable of mistresses.

Cali you know u my girl, don't give me a beat down :p  

Sol_dier said...

People also forget that Claire used to get pretty frustrated with Cliff. I kinda thought I would grow up to be like a Huxtable, even my parents (bless 'em) got their Huxtability on, but add a little strife and some of that ish just collapsed

huxtability = work on your relationship every damn day

Jubi The Great said...

This post right here  highlights some of the reasons why I stopped dating guys solely cause they were "good on paper". Being good on paper doesn't make a person a good mate, or make 2 people compatible & able to have a happy healthy relationship. And its so entitled - because you've been successful in school/work, you should be entitled to a perfect relationship? BLAH.

So much of our lives is dictated by appearances, and over the past couple of years I've been able to step back & ponder what I really want for my life. And I realized that most of the things I thought I wanted was solely because of appearances & what society told me I should want. Maybe more ppl should do that & figure out if they really want to be a executive/have the fancy house/marry the supermodel/etc.

Jubi The Great said...

Marrying for love is a Western luxury. Since the dawn of time, marriage has been about mutual benefit, transfer of wealth, security, etc. I'd argue that marrying for love has actually created a lack of stability with marriage - if your marriage is based only on love, and is missing the other things like mutual benefit or compatiblity, what incentive do you have to stay in the marriage once the love is gone? Or even worse, when you realize there was never love there to begin with but yall were blinded by lust, infatuation, the attention, etc.?

Think P. Smart said...

Is lack of love cited as a major cause of divorce? I am too lazy to google. LOL

Jubi The Great said...

I'm sure ppl just file it under "irreconcilable differences" & keep it moving.

Cocoa Winston said...

Bottom line - relationships are hard work. Even if you get the good on paper pretty people together, they still gotta work to keep it going. 

blackprofessor said...

The major reasons cited for divorce are money, family and sex but I think that depends on who you talk to.  Most of the therapists I know say incompatibility and laziness (unwillingness to work on issues) are the main reasons.

blackprofessor said...

 huxtability = work on your relationship every damn day - This!! Soldier, you nailed it and I am so stealing your word, lol!

Lady4Real said...

I find myself in an interesting place lately. I just turned 29 at the end of July, with my birthday I ended my 2nd marriage, moved into my own place with just myself and my two sons, 1 teen, 1 pre-teen and took on a 2nd job to make ends meet. I unfriended folk, blocked folk, erased folk and pulled my inner circle in a little closer. Something about almost 30 caused a pardigm shift inside of me and life is looking bigger, brighter and better now. I share these things because theyare a huge factor in how I look at my next relationship (cue Jay-Z "On to the Next One"). I know far to well the b.s of shiny & glossy outside but dull & funky inside relationships. There are many people going for the photo-op relationship or the good on paper but photo-ops and papers fade everyday. I want and have always wanted that good old-fashioned, Grandmama & Granddaddy wheather the storms of life and love each other more and more with each passing day love. I want a relationship that ecompasses beautiful photo-op because the love is so deep it shines when captured with a camera. I want a relationship that is a book, not just good on paper, the novel begins comical and romantic, the middle gets dramatic and the end is inspiring and slightly sad because it's the end. I firmly believe that you have to live with yourself and when you close your eyes at night and for the very last time you should close them content and fulfilled, #YOLO.

The_A said...

Some of the worst stories I've heard of abuse and misery get prequalified by how good the person looks on paper.
There's nothing super about loathing the person you're with when everyone else goes home but staying with them because of a social standing & looking good on paper.
Most of the happy power couples I know wouldn't even consider themselves power couples & they got that way by minding their own business. They may share but only what they want you to know. The strength of their devotion to each other & willingness to build something beautiful together is what makes them so powerful.Don't talk about it, be about it.

Reecie said...

I have never cared about being a "power couple" but I have dated and had relationships begin because someone looked good on paper. I think its more important to have similar intrinsic values and just genuinely getting along, having a great "flow". I'm learning now its supposed to be easy and enjoyable. constant conflict is not a sign of compatibility, IMO.  

Lady4Real said...

As far back as I can remember all I've wanted is love. Not romantic love either. I just know that when I close my eyes for the last time on this earth I want love to encompass me and carry me out of here. I want those I told and showed that I love them to be there and telling and showing me love. I don't care about houses, cars, or titles, they can replaced over and over again but the love of those who love you can never be replaced.

Reecie said...

"Most of the happy power couples I know wouldn't even consider themselves power couples & they got that way by minding their own business."
welp! thats a word right there. 

Lady4Real said...

I think Facebook is what people make of it, before Facebook there was still the thirsty lady/gent. There was still the player/pimp. There was still the nosey neighbor, the overbearing parents, the friends that mean well and the knowitall cousins. Jealousy still exist, insecurities still run rampant and communication is still key to any relationship. Facebook just allows people who would run and tell all their business anyway to do it in a one stop shop. It just allows thirsty people to show their thrist to the world but it doesn't change people or their actions. 

Lady4Real said...

I've been guilty of proclaiming the greatness of my man when our life was falling to pieces, grabbing hold of every little good moments and posting about it because the bad moments were so many I just wanted to hold tight to goodness. I've also proclaimed greatness of my relationship and it's been legit greatness. I just don't believe in posting negativity at all, when I do it's a cry for help.

Lady4Real said...

I'll take 2. for one million Alex

MeetCharlieL said...

To some extent, I'll own up to the resume jocking. I'm in Corporate America, I have some social standing - I'm not going to check for Peaches unless she's on that come up. Certain people can hold their own in social situations and that's important to me at this point in my life. Now if that's all there is, pretty exterior, table manners and resume - that's not going to do it for me. Does that make sense?

BklynBajan said...

The doors of the church are now open...... (HUGS to you girl!)

GuessImJay said...

Yes. Exactly this. Where is @GrownAzzMan:twitter ? We almost always agree on these things. Shiny on the outside, check. Shiny on the inside, must have. Articulate and won't embarrass the hell out of me at the Christmas party - no brainer. 
Where is @AnotherWord43:twitter - he needs to tell the story of the chick who brought her own rib plate (in a styrofoam container) to a formal dinner party. 

OneChele said...

Say what now?!

AppleBerryMIA said...

C'mon somebody!

blackprofessor said...

 Amen!

Cassie said...

What she said. +1

Cassie said...

When Jayme and BB speak, I feel like I should take notes!

Trey Charles said...

No comment.

JohnKinTX said...

Where would one get the trophy? Who would hand it out? Inquiring minds want to know :-)

AminataB said...

I've let go of a lot of men that only looked good on paper. By doing so it's solidified my confidence in a way where I've never sought others
to validate my relationships. The last thing I want for myself is to be stuck with
a flashy man, with a huge ego and unattractive character traits because my friends are jealous or because he looks good on my arm. I just need to see there's
more to you than that one page of qualifiers.

That being said, I've never understood how/why women are attracted to glossy/flashy men
in search of being a "power couple". But I guess it's because I
prefer the quiet man in the corner with a book or observing the room.   As we get older, there has to be a realization that the same people you seek validation from are not the ones laying next to your significant other at night and living with the consequences. You are.

I've also learned that even if a relationship looks like a glossy diamond today, when it started it probably looked like a dusty rock. One of my bff's is a prime example, her marriage now is one that's envied by many but those that are envious  have no idea about the sacrifices they made and what it took for her marriage to build to this point.

JohnKinTX said...

I married someone who said that had she seen my resume (personal and professional) she never would have gotten involved with me because I looked too conservative in one and too "waffly (her word)" on the other. In the end, I don't think star power matters too much. Either it feels right or it doesn't.

Michele said...

I recently met a "good on paper" guy.  But that's all he was ... no depth, no fire, no nothing.  After four dates I had to leave it alone.  I refrain from discussing my relationships because it's something that should be kept private.  If I were in a relationship I would not waste time trying to impress anyone who isn't in the day-to-day trenches.  It's hard enough keeping a relationship together without having to worry about what everyone else thinks.

Jubi The Great said...

We wanna hear the story!

Cyn said...

As someone who always picks the fixer-up man I certainly don't date for status or to appear any sorta way to anyone else.  Being Captain Save a Man is an entirely different blog entry though.

Natasha said...

You have to tell this story! I mean you don't have to, but we would like to laugh with you....

Only1DivaC said...

Honestly, we all get caught up in appearances from the beginning because we are trying to see if we have that chemistry on a physical, emotional, and spiritual level. The problem becomes when we don't progress past those appearances and representatives and start getting to the heart/character of the person. As I have said before, once you get past the fineness, cuteness, and swagness (I think I made up a word), you have to start living in reality. Like @SouthernWes mentioned below nobody is cute at 3AM in the morning dealing with a sick child or arguing over whose turn it is to wash dishes. Finally, relationships have always been the new bling I just think social media excaberated the issue. We all have those friends, heck even ourselves, that are in relationships just because that person makes for good arm candy/trophies.

OneChele said...

Welp. See tomorrow's post. I wrote all of these Sunday night so I"m not singling you out. :-)

OneChele said...

Sounds like it's time for another Bougie Bachelor Chronicle.

FreeBlackMan said...

Ladies, you are liking and co-signing and plus oneing this when in reality you will drop the book-reading brotha for a baller in a heartbeat.

OneChele said...

Why can't he be both? Why can't the book reading brother in the corner also be a baller?
Just asking.
We want it all. Clark Kent AND Superman. If we can get it. 
Just saying.
Carry on.

Lady4Real said...

Girl, you got the cape too? I burned mine after hubby #2, nope I ain't savin' these hoes no mo'. Ain't no love in savin' 'em, dey don't wanna be saved (totally SNoB moment with the grammar)

Lady4Real said...

You are lying to me. Shut the front door, no she did not.

Think P. Smart said...

Exactly. The two aren't mutually exclusive.

Lady4Real said...

HUGS back

The_A said...

Sir please sit all the way down with that trite angry divisive generalization. 


Or like Grandma says, "Gone outside nah. Grown folk talking"

Lady4Real said...

I co-sign this completely. We do it why can't we have men the same way you know the saying, "A lady in the streets............. you know the rest.

Lady4Real said...

Under 30, divorced twice and the therapists know best INCOMPATIBILTY & LAZINESS (UNWILLINGNESS TO WORK ON ISSUES). It takes two to make a marriage work, not much that can be done about the incompatibility, you can't change folk but laziness can be worked on, unfortunately this generation (a few before and a few after) is an instant gratification generation, they ain't working on a damn. Top 3 on my dating checklist 1. Compatiablity 2. Hardworking/Dedicated 3. Strong Moral Values

bashowell said...

One more vote for gotta hear!

Cyn said...

Sadly yep! I married a potential having dude, married him and all I got was a stupid T-shirt.
Thank God I've just now retired my cape.  I found a man with a ton of potential but he wasn't content in coasting, he has lived up to his potential and then some.

Cyn said...

You just gonna put my business all in the street, huh?  Don't hurt my feelings too badly.

invectiva said...

My last long-term relationship was definitely glossy. He was pretty, well-off, top-of-his-game professionally, had a foreign accent (that all my U.S.-based friends loved and I could take or leave), had decent bed game, and was head over heels for me. Also, for Bonus Shallow Points: it ticked off a lot of his casual bedmates who wanted to get with him on a permanent basis that he picked me. Unfortunately, despite being the high tech and somewhat jetsetting power couple that we were, it just wasn't working out in private. I really had to argue with myself, too. "But it looks so perfect." Yeah, well... it wasn't. I had to cut him loose. It's been three years and I'm still angry about why it ended and I still wish it worked out. But I don't miss him, and that's the real tell, right there.

M Dot said...

NOPE. We need a moratorium on Bougie Bachelor Chronicles..  we haven't recovered from the last couple.

M Dot said...

this 2x

Sol_dier said...

See, that used to be me. My only requirement was love, but how do you fulfill it when it means different things to us? and once its fulfilled, then what?. 

We humans are some funny creatures, we get bored. Give us one requirement and its the hardest task ever, give us 3 tasks and we will break our aiming to get at least one right. 
I looked at my parents relationship, they loved each other, they both said they wanted nothing more, they got nothing more. Still, love wasn't enough.

I've upped the ante, I require much more than love now, and I'm definitely better for it. 

M Dot said...

I'm guilty of this.  I used to want the "hottest chick in the game wearing my chain" now I want the "hottest brain in the game wearing my last name." Yep, that's where I stand. 

Beauty may attract, but everything underneath is what moves me and keeps me.

OneChele said...

*waves church hanky*
Thursday or Friday's post is about letting go of the Fairy Tale when Prince Charming is not enuf....

C Nelson said...

I'm dead sure this is not new. Women especially have been encouraged to consider the "suitable" potential mate's societal standing, financial level, and attractiveness (in roughly that order, too) since the days when parents made matches and their daughters were supposed to simply fall in line. You know that line in Mulan: "a girl can bring her family great honor in one way -- by striking a good match, and this could be the day!" It's only very recently, (and generally aimed mostly at black women, and to a lesser extent, poor women -- the ones who society thinks really shouldn't be so presumptuous as to expect a GOOD match) that we've heard the Doctrine of Potential preached.

M Dot said...

+1 for the Ntozake Shange spelling of enuf 

LikeLena said...

Chele - I didn't watch because I can't with Evelyn but it seems like there were some jewels tucked into the nonsense. Thanks for sharing them!
BTW "too much about the shell and less about the yolk: <~~ goes hard!

La said...

I once tried to date Good on Paper Guy. And everyone (including myself) had me convinced something was wrong with me because I didn't feel anything towards him other than mild affection. The fact of the matter is he WAS a good guy. He just wasn't THE good guy for ME. Too many times we think that if something is not flagrantly wrong, then there's no good reason to end it. But sometimes having no good reason to stay is just as bad as if someone or something was inherently flawed.
I get the logic in wanting to be a “power couple.” I see the appeal. And I see people wanting it everywhere, every day. But in the end, I wanna do the work it takes to stay happy in a couple, not what it takes to be a couple of people atop everyone’s guest list or couples-to-envy list.

LikeLena said...

Can't wait!

LikeLena said...

So you are not kidding this week!

LikeLena said...

Oh Trey...

LikeLena said...

FBM - dude, who hurt you? You been bitter for three years straight!
Let it go. Just let it go.
Woooosahhhh

La said...

Some of the women I know who to the outside "can't keep a man" are some of the happiest women I know because they haven't had to nor will they deal with half the mess their counterparts put up with.

No comment said...

I would be one of those women you speak of and I approve your message! I would love to be in a healthy relationship but I have NEVER been one for drama and my patience is short so I will keep it moving ASAP to maintain my peace of mind. 

C Nelson said...

 You know, I mean this gently, but it is entirely possible that women are passing you, the Nice Guy, by, not because you aren't the baller and they are shallow, but because every time you open your mouth you make it plain that you really don't LIKE women very much. You don't think well of us and it shows; you assign us the most malicious motives and admit of no possibility that we may be just regular human beings like you, fumbling our way to happiness the best way we know how. Every time you comment here I wonder why you hang out on a blog that's run by a woman and so heavily peopled with women -- is it that you're torturing yourself with proximity? Or are you enjoying being the thorn that can't be removed? In any case, unless you are the world's best actor, try as you might, what you show in here is obvious off-screen too, and why would anyone, male or female, choose to spend their time, let alone their intimacy and their body, with someone who honestly dislikes them and is openly contemptuous of them?

GrownAzzMan said...

You CAN have it all...

GrownAzzMan said...

Sorry I am late for the fist-bump meeting. I agree with all of what CharlieL and GuessImJay said. Especially what Jay said. I need to hear the rib story though...

GrownAzzMan said...

"Beauty may attract, but everything underneath is what moves me and keeps me."

Yup!

JoycelynC said...

 Please comment Trey.  Please

Sol_dier said...

100 Antipodean + some TimTams.

I've never seen bitterness & woman hatred so clearly reflected for so long. 

CaliGirlED said...

Aw come one Soldier, I'm not violent! LOL!!! It was never about love? Ok well let's turn to the bible, for historical purposes only.

Ephesians 5:25 - And you husbands must love your wives with the same love Christ showed the church. He gave up his life for her...

Song of Songs 8:7 - Many waters cannot quench love; neither can rivers drown it. If a man tried to buy love with everything he owned, his offer would be utterly despised.

Now whether or not you believe in God, Jesus, the bible or anything else having to do with religion, historically speaking love was a part of marriage.

xoxo ;-)

CaliGirlED said...

 I won't repeat what I said below, I'll just add that money comes and money goes. I know since the dawn of times folks have gotten married for wealth, security, etc., they still are. And while at the end of the day love won't put food on the table or keep the lights on, love WILL help two people stick together and figure that thang out for the benefit of the family; love will have you at your spouse's bedside in the hospital; love will after 70 years of marriage have you clipping each other 's toe nails....ewwww. (I'm talking about the action, not the feeling). I know too many people who married for security and are miserable or divorced.  I'm not saying love is the only thing, he who doesn't work doesn't eat, there needs to be honor, mutual respect,  compatibility, the list goes on. However security and wealth does not a relationship make.

CaliGirlED said...

 Woo woo woo...

CaliGirlED said...

 Damn Soldier if that ain't love, I don't know what is! :-)

CaliGirlED said...

 *grabs a church fan and starts fanning you*

CaliGirlED said...

You ain't gotta lie Jay!!!

CaliGirlED said...

 Aw nah how you gon do us like dat???

CaliGirlED said...

Why are you all up in mine though? Those are days of old...doe!

CaliGirlED said...

"The problem becomes when we don't progress past those appearances and
representatives and start getting to the heart/character of the person." Yeah BEFORE the marriage.

CaliGirlED said...

Lena I only know of Evelyn what I read about on Twitter. And Iyanla even showed some clips that had me saying, "Whoa this chick is ratchet!" But the content of the show was FAR beyond the hot mess that is Evelyn.

CaliGirlED said...

Wish there was a love button to click.

Sol_dier said...

On a serious tip, maybe you could try dating men? You would be a lot happier.

Gods_Man said...

I think the challenge is diving deeper than that outer layer.  My bride and I did the resume swap while we were dating (her more than I).  However we didn't leave it there.  It was from this deeper dive that we recognized that we were compatible.

MsJamie14 said...

Girl yes! Happy AND with peace of mind! It's so priceless!

Tonda Williams said...

Interestingly my first thought when I read this comment was, What is "IT ALL" and more importantly, What  is YOUR "IT ALL"? 

LinkWithin

Related Posts with Thumbnails