Thursday, August 23, 2012

Understand the end game before you take the field


I don't understand shortsightedness. Sure hindsight is 20/20 but um... that's hindsight. I'm a pinkie toe in the shallow end, ease my way into it making sure nothing nasty is in the water kind of girl. That's just me. Try as I might, I cannot understand people who dive into situations without forethought or an exit strategy. There are few things I do in life without taking at least a moment to review the path to get there and what happens next. Even as simple as breakfast in the morning. On my way to the fridge, I'm already contemplating the quickest way to get to one egg on top a whole grain piece of bread with sharp cheddar, bacon and a tomato slice. Hmm, I'm out of eggs - what's the backup plan? The end game is for me to get fed quick, fast with as much delicious and nutritious as I can pull together.

Michele, why are we talking about breakfast? Okay - its a metaphor people. In reviewing the Shawn-debacle from the other night, I can't help but wonder - what was the end game? We should use this as a teachable moment. Too many people throw the football down the field without checking for the pass rush or seeing if anyone's open. Not a sports person? Okay. Too many people throw the car in drive and take off speeding without mapping a route, checking for detours or seeing if there's gas in the tank or air in the tires. You with me?

Since I took you guys through the Monday night of it all, I might as well share what happened next so you are fully invested in my preachifying today.

Monday night, after Shawn left, I stewed. And by stewed I mean I stayed up writing the blog post and wondering who I'd pissed off in another life (or this one) to have this level of karmic bounceback in my world. Then I finished writing, said to hell with it and went to sleep. But I woke up at six in the morning and called David. I asked him if he told Shawn it was okay to come over and talk to me. "What are you talking about, Michele?" Oh. That answered that question. I decided to leave well enough alone, "Nothing, David. Have a good day."

Now the rest of the day's events, I had to piece together from various sources. Here's what went down:

7:05am: Byran's wife Jazz reads the blog. She calls Wesley's wife. Wes' wife hands him the printout at the breakfast table. Wes loses his mind.

8 something: Wes has called Bryan and they wonder if they should leave the whole thing alone. Wes checks the blog and Twitter and sees 50 comments/tweets before 8:15am and decides they're are going to have to get into it. 

8:15ish - Bryan calls Trey. Trey calls David. David is not happy. No one can find Shawn and Jay (the closest one to Shawn) is not answering his phone.

By 9:00am Bryan and David have posted responses on the blog and then logged off to find Shawn.

At 10:00am Jay reads the blog and joins the ranks of the unhappy. Jay finds Shawn and asks him to meet him over at David's for lunch. Shawn agrees. (He hasn't read the blog yet)

Round noonish all the Ga Boys are at David's house asking Shawn what he was thinking. It was just supposed to be David, Shawn and Jay but somehow everyone showed up. Shawn read the blog post. He denied that it went down that way. He hinted that I invited him over and then changed my mind. Apparently he used words that weren't appreciated, stepped into someone's personal space and put a finger in someone's face. Punches were thrown. 


Then folks started bringing up historical shenanigans that went down as far back as the 90s. Then everyone got irritated. More punches were thrown. Then folks remembered they were grown and had to go back to work. 


One person got stitches. One person ripped a brand new shirt. Four people got cussed out. One person slept on the couch. Four people called me to apologize (none were named Shawn). 

After hearing about all of this, I got to thinking - so what was gained? Really? What was in Shawn's mind as he climbed in his car and drove to my house? What was the game plan? Best case scenario, I took complete leave of my senses and let him stay, we fell in love and lived happily ever after. (No that was never going to happen) But then what? Did he think that was going to be okay with his best friends? Did he really think I was going for it? And if it was just about some HnQ - was it worth it? Really?

This is why I ask about quarterbacks throwing the ball down field all willy-nilly ignoring the 300  lb linebacker coming for that ass. When you are lying on the field waiting for the stretcher to wheel you off, you wish you'd called a different play. In this here post game wrap up, I have to wonder - doesn't Shawn wish he called a different play?

BougieLand, what say you? Do people leap before they look too often? Are you the sot of person who thinks about the consequences prior to taking action? What would make someone say "to hell with it, I'm doing it anyway?" Please discuss...

109 comments:

Nicole said...

Chele, I lurked for debacle and did not comment (after 205 comments did not feel the need to).....but I can say that what happened was beyond the-hell-with-it-Imma-do-it-anyway. Nope. This was done lost his damn mind territory and no one knows what is the end game when someone done lost his damn mind. Honored to be the first today *grin*

Lady Ngo said...

You know, i wondered what exactly his game plan was too. Even if you did decide to give it a go, the truth was going to come out damn near immediately. Forget the fact that people wouldn't be okay with the arrangement, hello- you lied to everyone about everything! There was no way that ish was going to end well no matter how you tried to slice it. 

BICTH& in that order said...

This reminds me of the episode of The Cosby Show when Vanessa kept lying to be with Jeremy. Just like Vanessa,  Shawn kept drifting deeper into the abyss of untruth (Claire Huxtable) until the story fell apart right in front of his face. Po' lil tink tink.

MsJamie14 said...

I'm very much a "what's the end game" person too. I've always been a calculated risk taker. I admit, that sometimes the end game has me thinking any "throw caution to the wind" actions would end up like the ending of a romantic comedy, but in reality, I realize that really I'd come off crazy, stupid or as a stalker. LOL

What happened on Monday was so crazy to me, I got caught up in the story (abbreviated or not) and had to remember that these are real people, real friendships and real emotions. And it's sad it had to end up this way. Even sadder that Shawn hasn't reached out in some form of fashion to simply apologize. And the fact that there didn't seem to be any accountabilty on his part... the balls on that one.

While sad, sometimes what went down at David's house is necessary. People need to learn one way or another you can't just do what YOU want with no regard to others. With no respect to boundaries, friendships and trust. You should have friends you can trust to not push up on your girl when your back is turned.

At the end of the day, perhaps that scar will be a reminder to think of the consequences of your actions.

At least I hope.

FullBloom said...

Hardly any words for the disappointment I felt regarding Shawn’s actions towards you, David, and the friendship of the “GA Group”.  His actions were so totally disrespectful on so many levels.  Unfortunately; I don’t think he had an end game.  I believe he planned out the stepping to you piece for a long time, which says a lot about who he really is.  He didn’t plan on the what happens next piece of a “yes or a no” from you.  He certainly didn’t plan on the received consequences from that decision.  A totally selfish person says to “hell with it”, which again tells you who that person (Shawn) really is.  Epic Fail.  
   

Michele said...

Narcissistic sociopaths never look beyond what's in front of them.  There is no "end game."

I never walk out the front door without a plan.  I think very carefully before I take action because there are always consequences.

Londa said...

I can't speak for all of the "go with the flow" type of people, which would be my category. But, heck, even *I* think things through that will have an effect on others. Yes, I'm impulsive...sometimes I win and sometimes I lose. But, I rarely lose the lesson. Yeah, I will get in the car and drive without a plan...but I will have gas in the car, it will mechanically sound, and my cellphone will be completely charged and my GPS system will be working.

Shawn, on the other hand, had nothing but gas...the stinky kind, not the forward propelling kind.

Mykeia said...

"
He denied that it went down that way. He hinted that I invited him over and then changed my mind."<~~~I can't believe I read this.  RED FLAG.

ASmith said it best, "y'all know middle schoolers live to tell a lie and be in some mess."  Shawn has shown this behavior in the past and needs to grow up.

Wow.

I am a co-parent to a young man.  I have always told him that it is my responsibility as his parent to make sure that he has some life skills/weapons/tools to navigate in life.  One of the main weapons/life skills/tools is forethought.  I can't say it to him enough, think out your whole situation, best and worst case scenarios, danger, pain, cost, etc.

thinklikeRiley said...

I go with my gut but my gut has a finely tuned self-preservation module deployed.
This here was just some arrogant "I'm-bout-to-get-what-I-want-and damn-all-y'all" boolshyt.
Can one of the fellas tell me... was someone standing off to the side screaming 'Kick his ass, Craig?'
Yup, I would pay $39.95 to see the fight footage. 

License to ill said...

This situation is like a soap opera. I need the GA boys to get it together. Shawn needs to own up to his actions.  Its apparent Shawn lacks vision. The vision to see that fist coming. The vision to see you kicking him out your house. The vision to see his boys confronting him. 

JoycelynC said...

When it comes to what he thought would happen with you, I got nothing.  He had to know you weren't the HnQ type chick but I guess he felt the hail mary was justified.  With the case of the GA Boys, it may have been a sense that since he has always been a habitual line stepper and they have overlooked it for the most part, this would eventually blow over.  It seems he was wrong on both counts by the above-summary of events. 

I am a planner at my core.  In the moments when I am impulsive, I do at least try to make sure the only party to suffer from that is myself, I don't believe in bringing down others with my lack of thinking/planning. 

blackprofessor said...

Its sad that the GA Boys just learned they had a snake in their group.  I wouldn't expect an apology from him, in his mind he hasn't done anything wrong, he just caught.  I think selfish people with narcissistic tendencies (e.g., Shawn) don't think about the end game as they would have to think beyond themselves.  Most of them can't or haven't learned how to, regardless of age.

In general, I am an overthinker to the nth degree! The few times I have made decisions without thinking about the end game were not good. Big lessons learned!

JoycelynC said...

 reading this I had a flashback of her yelling 'Jeremy' down the stairs when Cliff and Claire called him over for a chat.  LOL at that memory because that was one of my favorite episodes.

Superwoman said...

*screaming* OH MY GOOOOOOOOOOD!!!! what drama!!! how is it somehow that fisticuffs are  thrown where you're concerned???? oh wow. this shawn guy is just... WOW. in fact, this entire story is just.... WOW. WOW. WOW. *speechless*

Natasha said...

Wow!!! Stitches and all... not good but now they REALLY know.  Without knowing the GA boys and only reading of them here and on twitter, I think some things that Shawn did was chalked up to that's just Shawn being Shawn.  This whole incident is sad.... Sorry to the dude that had to sleep on the couch... You weren't even involved.

Now I am an overthinker to the point that I become paralyzed and just recently took a leap of faith on something that I pray doesn't become a huge mistake.  Seeing as how I would not be the only one affected.

Jason P said...

I was thinking the other day that his fallback story was going to be "she wanted it" that is the punk's excuse when they are shut down cold. 

As for me - I'm a deep end diver and suffer the consequences later person but even I would have given this whole thing a second (third, fifth) thought. 

blackprofessor said...

Chele,
I came back to say it wasn't you! Sometimes drama involves other people's ish that they won't/can't deal with and you happen to get caught in the crossfire.

Jasmine Girl said...

Here's where I'm confused - he TOLD you to blog it. Was that a bluff? He had to know it was coming out and wouldn't be well-received. Funny, he never struck me as stupid. Delusional maybe?

Javalicious said...

If I ever teach a class on using metaphors to construct an issue platform - I'm pointing this post. 
Oh and Shawn had that entitlement thing going on. He never saw past that.

Jubi The Great said...

I'm not surprised at all that Shawn essentially lied & said that Chele invited him over - clearly he already has a non-existant moral code so him trying to flip it like she was in the wrong makes perfect sense. It's unfortunate that this all went down, that the crew lost (what they thought) was a good friend & that the whole messy affair went down. I hope Shawn has learned something but I doubt he has.

As for me, I'm definitely the type to think, think & think some more before I put a gameplan into action. I already have Plan A, B, & C ready to go & will divert depending on how things are going. I recently dated someone who was the "jump in head first & figure out if you can swim later" type & I realized that while all that spontenaity & adventure was attractive at first, its hard to plan a future with someone who 1) doesn't plan & 2) constantly changes course once they realize they drowning.

FreeBlackMan said...

First - even your breakfast sandwich is bougie? Girl, you keeps it all the way true to yourself.
Next - Good on ya for pulling a teachable moment out of this pile of horse shit. The only good thing I have to say about Shawn is that at least you didn't have to call the cops on him to get him to leave. And at least he was man enough to show up at David's house. Or maybe he really didn't know what was waiting for him?
Who slept on the couch?

Monica said...

 "This here was just some arrogant "I'm-bout-to-get-what-I-want-and damn-all-y'all" boolshyt", too bad he didn't have a snowball's chance in Hell of getting it so now he just looks really foolish.  He didn't think this through at all.

Bailey said...

*breaks into Arrested Development Revolution style dance of praise and reverence*
Jubi - AMEN and AMEN. I too was dating Mr. "Girl Let's Just Go With the Flow" Spontaneity. That shiggity is sweep you off your feet sexy to begin with and then you realize it's just another form of commitment phobia. It's one thing to not know where we're going to dinner on Friday night but you can't commit to a vacation six weeks away? No sir. Grow up and be gone in the meantime.

Natasha said...

This one and the Wretched episode are my favorite Vanessa episodes.  She was caught redhanded so many times it wasn't even funny.

Monica said...

I tend to live in my head.  Sometimes to my detriment, but usually not.  I like to ask myself:  How much explaining will I have to do?

Do to pros outweigh the cons?

Asking myself those questions have saved me a lot of grief over the years.

Lady4Real said...

OMG Jubi, you just described my soon to be ex-husband :
"jump in head first & figure out if you can swim later" type .1) doesn't plan & 2) constantly changes course once they realize they drowning.
He would make a plan and change it up so much I was lost as I don't know what. I on the other hand recently found notebooks from when I first ventured out on my own as an adult at the wonderful age of 19 and I had budgets, estimations, calulations, and plan's A-F scribbled down to keep my focused and get me moving and I am still that way.

A planner and a non-planner are like a spender and a saver trying to be together, it's funny in the beginning but then it just doesn't work out for the long haul without stress and arguments.

MeetCharlieL said...

If I hadn't seen the back and forth on Twitter, I'd swear you made this whole thing up to try out for your next book. Unfortunately, I know dudes who just gotta try. Usually not with frat though. Damn.

If anything I'm probably too cautious and overthink things too much. 

Nandiewe said...

Rarely do I leap before I look. I always have a plan and consider the outcome of any decision and make sure things make sense to me before I move forward.



As for Shawn, it seems he has never been held accountable
for his actions and probably imagined this would be yet another time where he
would get away with his broken moral compass. He hasn't apologized because in
his mind there is nothing wrong with what he did. Lying and hinting that you
invited him over so he doesn't have to own his actions shows an entitled, dreadful,
self-absorbed brat individual!

Lady4Real said...

Shawn wrote a check that his ass wasn't ready to cash but the GA boys made sure the right funds were available and made a deposit into his "ass whippin' account." Maybe when he's balancing his checkbook it will be a reminder for the future.

I look like I am a "hail-mary" kind of QB but truth be told my team members will vouch that during practice, in the locker room, while on the bench, and in the huddle I am ready for this play. Outsiders will think it's a "hail mary" but we will know that it was a well thought out and well excuted plan. I stay radio silent, do much observing, take notes, do some comparisions and once I feel that my move will be effective and efficent I launch it. I have at least a plan A-F but I keep it to myself, I like to be stealthy, the element of surprise is just my thing but I need to know and understand the consequences before I do something. If I can handle the consequences then I make my move but I refuse to write checks that I don't have the funds to cash. 

GrownAzzMan said...

*Dap on the Friday reference*

I want a bootleg copy of the fight footage too. I just hope it's not all grainy like that Kobe-in-China isht they insist on running on SportCenter.

Jubi The Great said...

I really think he thought that folks were gonna tell Chele that she was crazy for passing up such a good opportunity. I mean, clearly he's not the best judge of what an appropriate response to things is.

JohnKinTX said...

Here's the thing. I've met Shawn a few times. And he comes across as a nice enough guy, a little full of himself but not detrimentally so. A little bit of a shit talker but in that crew you have to be able to take it and dish it out. What I did notice is that when things where just everyday calm, he was the one to shake things up. He's the first one to say "I'm bored, let's do something" when everyone else is fine sitting on the couch. 

This to say that he knew this was the end game and he did it anyway. Just to see what would happen if he did. The person who strikes a match just to see what the fire will burn - that's the one you gotta look out for. The clueless ones are generally harmless. The deliberately disruptive? Trouble all day long.

I'm a planner. I'm (almost) never impulsive. The only impulsive thing I've done is elope and that suited my end game just fine. Thanks for the well wishes everybody. Oh and Chele, I've got this friend who just moved to town. You know, when you're ready :)

Earthangel172 said...

I haven't read the comments first so this may have been said already.

Shawn leaped before he looked and now he has a fat a** lip. I don't condone
violence but I sure as hell understand how it got to this point. LOL

The one thing that boggles my mind is the fact that his brain didn't
process the strong possibility that this ish was going to get back to
David.

Shawn tried to take advantage of you. He lied about y'all becoming an item and living happily ever after. It was all part of his twisted a** game. He wanted to hit it and quit it (and has been wanting to for a long time...just my opinion).

As for me, I'm an analyzer by nature. I always assess the risks before I do anything. People say I'm overly cautious but it that has served me well over the years.

TrulyPC said...

I thought reading this post with more details of the incident would make some sense of Shawn's epic fail, but it didn't. He just chose to dig the hole deeper.  What boundaries will he not cross? Sometimes you have to cut some people loose.  

I am a planner.   The unknown is not an adventure for me at all.  

derek love said...

Just reading back through all the Shawn stories - either he doesn't think very highly of women or he's positive he's smarter than all of them. And as great as it is that this is a teachable moment for us - do you really think Shawn will learn from this?

Sol_dier said...

Chele, from the glimpse we've seen of shawn, his strategy was conquest He failed at it but gave it the ole 'college try'. He thought it through, hence the lie about you, he already had his pre-made story. 
Shawn is a predator, he did this because he could and wanted to. He presumed you were vulnerable enough to fall for his schtick. Did he think it through?, of course he did. He figured his 'boys' will forgive it as they've done before. And from the looks of things, they just might.As to your question, who would say 'to hell with it, I'm doing it anyway'?
Well, if all options in front of me are negative, and there is an option I can't see, I might say, to hell with it. The worst is always infront of me. 

CaliGirlED said...

I have so many thoughts, but I will spare you all. :-/

Had a long and deep conversation with my daughter on Monday. I left her with this: Think about what you do and say and how it will effect you in the future. Think to yourself would I want my mom to have this posted on the screen on 1st Sunday at church? Then I added, "You know I'm crazy enough to do it!"

I am a thinker/analyzer almost to my detriment. I will have a whole/complete/entire conversation in my head with someone about whatever is bothering me. Often times I never address the issue for fear of it not turning out the way it should. Sometimes I do address it and when it doesn't turn out the way I thought it should, all other sorts of feelings come up. There are few times when I do have the convo and it turns out the way I thought it should. Hence, I usually don't make the convos happen. I don't like confrontation and I don't like putting myself in a position to have to naw my tongue off not to hurt a person's feelings. CailGirlED is introverted??? No!!! *hollers*

Rarely do I throw caution to the wind and when I do, because hell it worked for so and so, it blows up in my face. So yeah I think things to.the.death. Then I tuck them in and go on about my day wondering what if. *shrugs*

As for Shawn, Chele if I may have one more cuss pass? That was some lowdown bitchassed shit and he deserved to get his ass beat! That.is.all.

CaliGirlED said...

 I would pay too! Hey what can I say I have an extra dose of testosterone, grew up in the hood and love to see justice (albeit street) prevail. LOL

CaliGirlED said...

 I was expecting the whole, she gave me vibes when y'all were together. But to say she invited him then changed her mind? Wow! Yeah I know guys like this, but that was then, I thought this was now. SMH

Andrea M said...

And here I thought Shawn was just bytchmade. Thanks John for bouging up his issues. Actually learned something today. The guy who can't sit still, can't sit still for a reason. Boom.

CaliGirlED said...

"It's one thing to not know where we're going to dinner on Friday night
but you can't commit to a vacation six weeks away? No sir."...*sighs*

CaliGirlED said...

 If Shawn didn't know that the meet up at David's was about his previous night's heauxnanigans then STUPID doesn't begin to describe him! He knew, his ARROGANT COCKY ass was like, "What? Yeah I did it!"...Now he's sitting at home counting his stitches!

Mo said...

This why I love BnB, there is always a  lesson moment. I used to be  dive to the deep end type of girl.... let us just say I  I'm paying for the lesson 7 years later. As lady O says u  know better u  do better.

tishatweets said...

That he put his finger in somebody's face as though he had a leg to stand on is juuuuuuuust....Smh.

This guy....

Anyway, I'm a planner to the nth degree. It's my blessing and my curse. I'm working on achieving balance in this area.

tishatweets said...

Totally agree.

Natasha said...

You and I are >>>>>>here<<<<<<< on this entire comment.

yourgirlC said...

Ok, I had to go back and read Tuesday's post.  He left your place Mon night knowing you were displeased, to say the least, and even commented that you would blog about it.  The next day he didn't even CHECK the blog?  When he was told to meet for lunch at David's he wasn't the least bit curious?  This dude really does not give a F*CK!  Not surprised you didn't receive an apology.

Tonda Williams said...

Thanks John..PERFECTLY stated.. oh yeah and CONGRATULATIONS.....

aishao1122 said...

Love the hell out of the analogies, especially the last football one, reminds me of Romo during a game, ahh it's football season again, yes. oh wait back to what we were discussing.  Yeah i don't think he had a end game in mind, he just went with the gut...or something a little further south. 1) he mentioned that you should be nice in the blog post about it, adn DIDN'T think yo check the blog in the morning to see if his a** was out???
2) David calls him up and he doesn't do a quick double check on the temp between to see what's going on?? Who walks into shyt like that blind??? Did he conveniently forget who David is?? The Alphas Alpha??    If i was reckless enough to do something I think one of my friends might be upset about I'm asking them to meet me in public, I'm not going to nobody's house without backup.  :(( Idiot.  Did he conveniently forget who David is?? The Alphas Alpha?? 
3) Did he REALLY think you would cover for him and NOT call David and ask about the 'passing you on' comment??? <<<this Ninja is reckless and clearly needs to cut off permanetly, 'cause he clearly has no understanding of boundaries and what will happen when you cross them. Clearly he didn't remember who all the players were in the game otherwise he would have turned that car around and gone on home without putting himself where he is right now. Alone without his friends, 'cause he acted a fool. *lets self out of Bougieland for south comment**

aishao1122 said...

the whole 'bros before hoes' belief that's what he had in mind. NOT calling Chele a hoe people don't attack me, I'm saying he figured line brothers of twenty years against a women they have known for about 2/3 years. Yeah he figured he was in the clear. 

aishao1122 said...

Shawn wrote a check that his ass wasn't ready to cash but the GA boys made sure the right funds were available and made a deposit into his "ass whippin' account." Maybe when he's balancing his checkbook it will be a reminder for the future.    <<<<<<this is everything!!!!!

aishao1122 said...

Love the hell out of the analogies, especially the last football one, reminds me of Romo during a game, ahh it's football season again, yes. oh wait back to what we were discussing.  Yeah i don't think he had a end game in mind, he just went with the gut...or something a little further south. 1) he mentioned that you should be nice in the blog post about it, adn DIDN'T think yo check the blog in the morning to see if his a** was out???
2) David calls him up and he doesn't do a quick double check 
3) Did he REALLY think you would cover for him and NOT call David and ask about the 'passing you on' comment??? <<<this Ninja is reckless and clearly needs to cut off permanetly, 'cause he clearly has no understanding of boundaries and what will happen when you cross them. Clearly he didn't remember who all the players were in the game otherwise he would have turned that car around and gone on home without putting himself where he is right now. Alone without his friends, 'cause he acted a fool. *lets self out of Bougieland for south comment**
*peeks in again** I sometimes plan, sometimes go with the gut, most times I've ignored the instinct i have lived to regret it, so it depends on the situation. Have a five, and ten year plan, but for the day to day?? Most times it's a gut move.  

JoycelynC said...

I had to go back and reread Tuesday's post cause in all the craziness, I totally missed that he knew it would be blogged about and still did not read the blog prior to agreeing to this meeting.  I'm speechless once again

aishao1122 said...

Love the hell out of the analogies, especially the last football one, reminds me of Romo during a game, ahh it's football season again, yes. oh wait back to what we were discussing. Yeah i don't think he had a end game in mind, he just went with the gut...or something a little further south. 1) he mentioned that you should be nice in the blog post about it, adn DIDN'T think yo check the blog in the morning to see if his a** was out???

2) David calls him up and he doesn't do a quick double check on the temp between to see what's going on?? Who walks into shyt like that blind??? Did he conveniently forget who David is?? The Alphas Alpha?? If i was reckless enough to do something I think one of my friends might be upset about I'm asking them to meet me in public, I'm not going to nobody's house without backup. :(( Idiot. Did he conveniently forget who David is?? The Alphas Alpha??

) Did he REALLY think you would cover for him and NOT call David and ask about the 'passing you on' comment??? <<<this Ninja is reckless and clearly needs to cut off permanetly, 'cause he clearly has no understanding of boundaries and what will happen when you cross them. Clearly he didn't remember who all the players were in the game otherwise he would have turned that car around and gone on home without putting himself where he is right now. Alone without his friends, 'cause he acted a fool. *lets self out of Bougieland for south comment**

*peeks in again** I sometimes plan, sometimes go with the gut, most times I've ignored the instinct i have lived to regret it, so it depends on the situation. Have a five, and ten year plan, but for the day to day?? Most times it's a gut move.

JoycelynC said...

 that whole conversation in the head thing? Totally do that all the damn time.  Also, don't usually follow through.  If it goes left and I get angry enough, I know I have the power to say things that might incite violence amongst some.  I'm only 5'3 so I keep this in mind.   

Only1DivaC said...

*comes out from lurking*

First, I wasn't surprised Shawn pulled this stunt. People just don't morph into Mr./Ms. Ratchery overnight.  My guess is he had done it before to them or other mutual friends but it wasn't deemed "serious" because no one had proposed, caught feelings, etc.  The whole situation just reminds of me the scorpion and the frog. Shawn was going to do whatever he wanted to do, the end game be damned because "it's in his nature." Unfortunately, David was just the frog that got stung this time.

This leads me to my second point, the GA boys (heck all of us) need to re-evaluate the true definition of  friendship. It was mentioned last year that people need to start dating up but I think the same concept needs to be applied to platonic friendships. You need to surround yourself with people that will elevate you to the next level not drag you down to the gutter. Friends are a reflection of who you are and what you choose to stand for in life, so choose wisely.  Finally, my prayer is that Shawn gets some much needed couch time to figure some stuff out because it's not cute at 35+ still acting this way.

*goes back to lurking*

Brenda Kay said...

I have a close friend who regularly accuses me of "over-thinking things", and it's true. While you're so wrap up in trying to calculate all the possible angles of a particular situation, you can easily end up paralyzing yourself and never taking any actions whatsoever. Sometimes you just have step out on faith. 

I don't know any of the people involved in Monday night's detour into the Twilight Zone, and the subsequent blow up on Tuesday afternoon well enough to say with any certainty who was thinking what or why. But putting myself in Chele's place for a hot minute, Shawn wouldn't have gotten to his car good before DLC would have been updated on 99.9999% of what had just taken place via a phone call.  

Sol_dier said...

thats the thing. He does give a damn about anyone, his actions are saying it loud and clear.

Leo the Yardie Chick said...

"He hinted that I invited him over and then changed my mind." <- Real bytch move, Shawn!

Leo the Yardie Chick said...

 I mean, he got the AT&T worker to give him Chele's information. How else was this going to end but in disaster?

Natasha said...

I've been compared to a cow chewing cud on the way I process things.

chriscogmta said...

I know there are more important matters at hand.....but what does HnQ stand for exactly? I get the gist of it, but I need a translation!

Earthangel172 said...

 Ditto.

CaliGirlED said...

 That's what he gets for trying to "figure" out calculus with pre-algebra skills!

CaliGirlED said...

"I know I have the power to say things that might incite violence amongst some.  I'm only 5'3 so I keep this in mind."....THIS!!! Yes indeed!

Earthangel172 said...

"He presumed you were vulnerable enough....."

This. All day, everyday.

motown_skater said...

ok this is hilarious!!! *as i picture a cow chewing*

keishabrown said...

O_O
i...just...

when i was young and carefree, i did young and carefree things. some of them reckless, some of them harmless. but at some point, always ALWAYS weighed the pros and cons of what i was doing. i sometimes chose to ignore the consequences.

as i've gotten older, and those stakes have gotten higher - i choose to employ my God-given instincts and mother-instilled common sense. 

im a planner by trade and by nature.  i recognize that you can't plan your entire life, you can make better decisions. if you have to lie or deceive to get there, chances are it's not a decision you should make. period. 

tishatweets said...

"if you have to lie or deceive to get there, chances are it's not a decision you should make. period." 

Church. Tabernacle. Mosque. Synagogue. Bahai faith place of worship.

SingLikeSassy said...

I don't really care why Shawn did what he did and said what he did. He is dead to me.

As for the questions etc., I take calculated risks. 

Duchess K said...

Sigh... I already said my peace about dumb dumb... sigh... just stupid. Anyway to answer the question too many people are leaping these days, calling it Y.O.LO., because they can't be bothered to think things thru. I'm going to have a plan, a b plan and a z plan. I'm a planner and I execute with 98% accuracy. I'm not one to on a whim decide to wreck friendships. 

Duchess K said...

 bwhahaha! sure was.

CaliGirlED said...

 How you go from being a regular to lurking? LOL

CaliGirlED said...

Damn Sassy!!!....That was my first reaction.

Same here!....Reality setting in.

CaliGirlED said...

 Gift shop in Miami Beach had every color fabric style of "YOLO" you could think of! SMH

Earthangel172 said...

Cold-blooded!

::writes a note to self to never piss SLS off!:: LOL

SingLikeSassy said...

Not pissed off just...done. The thing that sticks out to me is that he hasn't apologized to Chele. And he owes all of us an apology, too, cause dammit he hurt my feelings! LOL!

Duchess K said...

really?! Its come to that? Sigh...  Someone is going to YOLO and catch something that penicillin can't fix. 

Duchess K said...

 If he ever cared about his friends he would have woken up with some type of sense and started serving up apologies. However clearly his entitlement and arrogance is going to keep him from doing better.

bashowell said...

Smh.  For Shawn's thought process we need a flow diagram and a copy of the DSM-IV.  No way he was in his right mind.

I'm the type of person to think things all the way through.  Including possible consequences and outcomes in parallel universes.  My process mirrors a choose-your-own-adventure book from back in the day.  There's enough stuff I can't control without screwing myself over with stuff I CAN control.

bashowell said...

Welp...

bashowell said...

*steal*

EvolvingElle said...

I'm a planner.  It's in my nature.  It's what I do. I plan my weekend on Monday, I plan my week at least 7 days in advanced, and I even plan my own birthday celebrations.  Heck, I ALMOST became an event planner.

With that being said, I also always think about best/worst case scenario.  I expect the worst and pray for the best. (I mean, ain't that what Black folks do???)  If I can't live with the possible consequences, I don't do it. 

Now, with dear Shawn, uh...I don't really have anything more enlightening to share.  I just hope that X amount of years of friendship was worth it to him.  If not, he came out of pocket for nothing.

MsJamie14 said...

LMAO....*Dave Chappelle voice* Cold-blooooded.

This is why I always need Sassy's commenting feature to work. LOL

Jubi The Great said...

Right! Acting like she aint apart of the Bougie Knitting Circle....

SingLikeSassy said...

You disloyal, fool ass, bytchmade punk! <--' Lonzo just went all in with that one didn't he?

But, your bringing it up makes me think that this is what Shawn prolly said as he stumbled out of the house other day with his lip all swole and fat: "I'm winning anyway, I'm winning... I'm winning any motherf*****g way. I
can't lose. Shit, you can hit me, but you can't kill me. Hahahahaha,
shit! Haha, oh what a day! What a motherf*****g day! Haha, hahaha." 

SingLikeSassy said...

 Tick, tick, tick BOOM!

SingLikeSassy said...

 Keep hope alive, that's all I can say. You know he's reading.

Leo the Yardie Chick said...

I'm sorry, reading how Shawn tried to shift the blame on YOU made me get so pissed that I forgot to answer the question.

I am a notorious planner. I will seek advice, compare deals, and weigh pros/cons until I feel right about a decision -especially involving my health, my emotional well-being, and my money. Usually, my 'eff it!' moments come when the final straw breaks, but I often look at the best and worse case scenarios if I have the luxury of time to mull things over.

Only1DivaC said...

*kicks trashcan* Forget y'all both!

LikeLena said...

This entire situ confuses me.

Angel on a Quest said...

 My daughter just got a shirt yesterday that says, "Stop using YOLO as an excuse to be stupid." #ijs

C Nelson said...

Well. If I had any sympathy left for Shawn, I don't now. He tried to tell them that you wanted him and then changed your mind? Why does that sound like every rapist and wanna-be rapist's line? Oh, wait, I know. Because it is.

This guy? He is no longer safe to be around. He might not yet have gone all the way to sex without consent, but his mindset is there. Even if the guys don't shun him, Chele, I really hope any group gathering that includes you will not include him. Also, please get an alarm system if you haven't yet. He knows where you live, and he likely blames you for the fallout of his own entitled idiocy.

Angel on a Quest said...

Y'all remember when DLC came back at me after the "George" (I think that was the name) mix-up?  Yeah, there was NO way he'd have OK'd this shiggity, here.

That said, I'm a planner.  I go through every permutation possible, and, usually paralyzed, I don't act, even when I know action is required.  It's something I'm working to balance, so that I can be a bit more carefree, but that is a process.  I've come to this place where I need to shed some of the protective guards I've erected, as life demands that I live it.

Chele, you are the epitome of grace in how you've handled this.  I am in awe of your composure...

Duchess K said...

 Im going to need that link to get that shirt!

Digitalquestion said...

1. Thank you Chele for the update. You didn't have to, and I appreciate you putting it out there in enough detail that we get the gist.

2. When he hinted you invited then recanted all I could think of was "what an asshole!" 

3. I really liked you and David together, but you know what they say "show me who your friends are...."

4. Good luck with your love life...although entertaining you could really use a break right about now.

Carey Jackson said...

I tried to stay away from BnB, social media, FM all of it for a while cuz it was getting overwhelming but I peeked back in the week and WTH?! First of all that you and Dave broke up - WHY LAWD WHY!?
And now his boy is coming at you crossways? 
Girl!
Please ell me how you stay upbeat, positive and fab cuz I would be under the bed with a liter of vodka and a straw!

Oh yeah - Boo, Shawn, Boo!

rozb said...

 To continue with the Friday reference "Shawn, you got knocked the F*%) OUT!!!"

sunt97 said...

What the HELLO.  I totally am buggin.  This was too crazy and a little funny because I'm just thinking that how can a bunch of adults seriously act like this.  I hope all will blow over and everyone will go back to their merry ways.

Peace, Love and Chocolate,
Tiffany

Brneyed1 said...

I always overthink and look as far out as I possibly can with any situation, and consider every possible outcome.  Then I ask myself "of these, what is the WORST possible outcome?"  If I can't live with that one, then I'm not doing it.


As for Shawn...all I can do is sigh.  Dude, really though?  The "f*ck it all, balls to the wall" attitude gets old, as I hope you now realize.

Tonda Williams said...

GIRL- Are we twins?  Cause yeah.. what YOU said #ALLOFIT

Tonda Williams said...

Girl- bump dem.. wait? Did I date myself? Ummm...I had heard that phrase....*side eye* roflmao

invectiva said...

"He tried to tell them that you wanted him and then changed your mind?
Why does that sound like every rapist and wanna-be rapist's line? Oh,
wait, I know. Because it is."   <<<<<   This.  That's just utterly creeptastic and possibly dangerous. He knows where Chele lives, he got that information in a totally sketchy way, and he's ready to lie about her in the face of certain disagreement. And what Derek Love said earlier, about Shawn not thinking highly of women or thinking he's smarter, is pertinent to that. He's got a very fundamental disrespect of all the people involved in this.

If he's NPD or borderline, he probably doesn't think of Chele, any woman he's ever been with, or even any of the GA Boys as anything but adjuncts to himself. If that's true, doing something that impacts people negatively doesn't particularly matter, because they're just not real enough... they're walk-on parts in the show starring him.

Hopefully he's just a selfish shit-stirrer and not an inwardly focused grudge-holder. Chele, I hope you stay safe and that you (and separately, the GA Boys) have Handled This in a permanent fashion.

quinne said...

Shawn obviously has been listening to Drake too damn much and made this a YOLO moment, but he forgot he was a grown man and those kiddie rules dont really apply to adults, there are ramifications for ALL actions carried out...

I guess now he'll be listening to Marvins room on repeat...

so from the pieced together stories its obvious that david didnt co-sign so why did he lie. Did he think you were gon let that ride and not  do any follow up to the story. wow im still blown at that part.

great blog

Sol_dier said...

THIS.
Follow ish to its logical conclusion and thats where it ends. 

Cyn said...

I'm a bit of a leaper.  I think about something, weigh the options, weigh the outcomes and leap.  Fairly quickly.  But I know what I am getting into and how to get out if necessary I just don't spend a lot of time over thinking or waiting to make a decision.  I don't drag my feet.  My honey on the other over thinks and ends up not acting, so we balance each other out.

Cyn said...

This is so me! 

Angel on a Quest said...

Girl, it was from a kiosk in Union Station, Washington, DC.  They don't even have a name for the kiosk, but that shirt made her walk out of her way twice in order get it.  You know she really wanted it, because she used her own money to get it, lol!

Leo the Yardie Chick said...

 *buried @ 'Bahai faith place of worship'*

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