In today's episode of Ask a Bougie Chick, we have a young lady in St. Paul, Minnesota. She has some questions about basic rules of engagement. Here we go:
Hey Chele,Love the blog, love the books! I've gotten myself into something that I'm not sure how to handle. I'm 23 and haven't dated a lot so forgive me if I sound like I don't know what I'm doing. (I don't!) I met a guy at work and we starting going out about two months ago.
Three weeks ago I met a guy at a cookout by the lake and when he asked me out, I said yes. I've been seeing both of them pretty regularly though I try not to double book on the same night. That seems tacky and tiring. I'm not sleeping with either of them at this point and no one has talked exclusivity. Do I have to tell Guy A about Guy B?
Are there basic rules about who to tell and when to tell? And when and if I have to choose? It's okay to date more than person at a time, right? I worry about being fair to everybody.Thanks!Dee in St. Paul
Bless your heart, if you are worrying over this - you've got some serious hair-pulling and teeth-gnashing in your future. You said it yourself - you're not sleeping with either of them and no one is saying "let's be exclusive" so you're fine. Myself, I tend to believe in full disclosure early and often so as to avoid drama but no, there aren't any rules per se.
Someone should write a real dating handbook "What to do when..." and not make it about some shiggity. But anyway, let's get back to you.
Right now, you're just dating. You can date who you'd like as you like whenever you like. When strong feelings and/or cocoa come into play, it's time to have a discussion. We of the bougie set frown upon cocoa being sloshed into multiple cups around town, if you're sleeping with two people and Dude A is sleeping with three and Dude B is sleeping with four... ugh. Hate to feel like you're climbing into bed with half of Minnesota.
I personally suck at dating more than one person at a time. I juggle enough other stuff in my life without throwing men into the equation. I've tried it, didn't like it but that's just me. If you and both guys are happy with the current situation, I say enjoy it while it lasts.
I'll put it to BougieLand - good people, does Dee have to tell Dude A about Dude B? When and why, in your opinion? For those of you that successfully "play the field" any tips for Dee? Thoughts, comments, insights? Do share...