Wednesday, August 15, 2012

Question - How far is it from hot mess to messy?


There was this one particular "bless her heart" friend of mine in college. She dated a dude who was a total misogynistic playa-playa asshole. (Can you tell how much I liked him?) When we asked her what she saw in him, her message to us was, "But he's not that way with me."

**epic pause**

Fast forward about one month. She sensed that sumthin' sumthin' just wasn't right. We attended a party at his place. She pulled me toward his room all frantic. Going into the restroom, dude had a bra hanging on back of  the door. It wasn't her size. There was makeup and Noxcema in the medicine cabinet. Not hers. Not hers. I looked at her. "Yes he's cheating, yes he wants you to know and no he doesn't care. Like we've been saying - asshole."

She blinked at me tearfully, "I thought I brought out the good in him." 

Umm. Hmm. Now I'm not saying one person can't bring out the best traits in someone. I'm saying people are who they are unless something happens to change them. Anal people show anal traits in their lives. Cheerful people tend to lead cheerful lives. I'm a creative person, my life has creative outlets. My home has color, I add commentary to everything and believe a little something fancy never hurts. See what I'm saying?

Let me segue to the drama between Chad "Ochocinco" Johnson and his soon-to-be-ex wife (of 42 days) Evelyn whoever. I don't know very much about either one of them except that they are media hoes. Seriously, neither of them met a camera that they didn't preen for. He was on his way to a Hall of Fame career when he fell off and I guess she's famous for doing rich dudes. (Am I oversimplifying - feel free to school me if I'm missing something) I've never seen any/either of their reality shows. Apparently they got married, fought about a condom receipt and he allegedly head-butted her and now he lost his his job, they've lost their VH1 show and are getting a divorce. Ummkay then. 

What I do know from the bits and pieces I've picked up from Twitter and the like - they both appear to be messy as all get out. I don't know if that's for the sake of the cameras or how they really get down. But all the personal biz in the Twittersphere? No bueno.

So I'm asking you, BougieLand - don't messy people lead messy lives and why are we surprised when the mess spills over? I'm not judging, I'm just asking. Of course super meticulous people can end up in messy situations - but is it the norm? How far is the distance from who you are to how you live? 

32 comments:

Miz JJ said...

That first messy story reminds me of a friend I use to have. I told her that people need to be good all by themselves. I'm not a charity. I'm not lifting you up where you belong. No thanks.

Messy situations seem to find the same people over and over. Like I told a certain family member what all those messy situations have in common is you.

Mina B. said...

The way you live speaks far more about who are than vice versa. Constantly surrounded by drama? It means you're dramatic.

TrulyPC said...

There can always be exceptions but for the most part I believe how you live reflects who you are. I live who I am without question which has made my life blissful.

thinklikeRiley said...

Dis dat ole - lay down with dogs, get up with fleas steez. You can't be messy as all hell and expect it not to show.

JaymeC said...

People should really understand that their actions and the way they live reflect far more about their character than the way they perceive themselves to be. I keep telling people I'm punctual but despite all good intentions, I'm always 5 minutes late. For everything. Clearly, I'm punctual when it comes to being late?

ClayJones said...

Can anyone think of a couple that has splashed their lives around for public consumption that it works out for?

AppleBerryMIA said...

You are what you do, not what you say. Simple as that.

I Am Me said...

I have a friend like yours in college - always getting with these women that he has to save. Then when it goes south, he wonders what happened. At their essence, people are who they are. No one can change them, they have to change themselves. Dude Chad has four kids by at least two different women and was apparently screwing around on this woman. She's not exactly without drama. Who is surprised? No one.

Bailey said...

I met a guy a few months ago and his life was (as you say) dramatical. But he was otherwise a good guy. Lesson learned on the quick - his life is hot mess dot com and he likes it like that. Next!

CaliGirlED said...

About a year ago, my daughter was liking this useless piece of (let me stop, that's someone's child)....this boy who everyone thought was so mean and was scared of him. But she said he was not that way with her and everyone was so surprised. I asked her, "What makes you so special?" I told her that if he is indeed a mean and fearful person, eventually he would act that way with her, one day in one way or another. Very thankful for that short phase.

Sometimes you don't even realize the negativity in your life until you are removed from it. So even if you're not a messy person, you may find yourself repeatedly engulfed in mess because of the people in your life. Either way YOU need to evaluate your character or the environment you allow yourself to be a part of. Very thankful to God for forcing me to relocate! (I say force because if it weren't for a serious financial downfall, I would not have left.)...However some people thrive in messy situations, and don't feel complete when things are going good. So we should never be surprised when they, as Clay said, "splash their lives around for public consumption" and it all goes awry. And they would have it no other way!

Javalicious said...

VH1/MTV/Bravo should seriously start paying for divorce attorneys.

LikeLena said...

*rolls eyes and sucks teeth*

GuessImJay said...

A high maintenance chick can dial it down but she's always high maintenance at heart.
A man used to getting his own way still wants his own way, no matter what he says.
*drops mic*

OneChele said...

That's discussion worthy. Is a high maintenance chick always gonna be high maintenance?

GuessImJay said...

I think so. Especially if she keeps finding someone to maintain her.

OneChele said...

What if she maintains herself?

GuessImJay said...

Then doesn't she get to stay high maintenance?

OneChele said...

Hmm. If a woman is "high maintenance" but maintains herself - is she really high maintenance? Just thinking out loud.

GuessImJay said...

If a tree falls in the woods...
Girl, I don't know. And I'm going back to work.
*flees before saying something stupid*

CaliGirlED said...

 LOL at your quick escape!!! Don't let Chele get you a pillow on the couch!

The_A said...

I dream of a day that we *as a peoples* would show as much interest in Things that Actually Matter as they do about this [redacted]

*chucks up the deuces on the way out*

Marioned said...

My definition of high maintenance is not about liking nice things or looking /dressing well. 
High maintenace folks (there are many HM guys) are just like a HM piece of equpment: requires alot of time and effort from others for things to run smoothly.  They are demanding.    There alot of inoperable/breakdown moments.  Hard to maintain.  And contrary to popular belief,  high maitenance does not always equate to high quality.

Marioned said...

My definition of high maintenance is not about liking nice things or looking /dressing well. 
High maintenace folks (there are many HM guys) are just like a HM piece of equpment: requires alot of time and effort from others for things to run smoothly.  They are demanding.    There alot of inoperable/breakdown moments.  Hard to maintain.  And contrary to popular belief,  high maitenance does not always equate to high quality.

Marioned said...

I recently ran away from the same.  Good heart but lots of drama.  At first I was amused, it just didn't seem real. 

Marioned said...

Lol!  Love it!!!

Sweet N Tart said...

Yes! A woman can be well-groomed and well-dressed without being high maintenance. She can also be high maintenance (i.e. needy, greedy and alround seedy) while looking like the bottom of a show.

Leo the Yardie Chick said...

 "...and his soon-to-be-ex wife (of 42 days)" <- Holy shiggity, they beat out Kim K+Kris?!

Back to your question - the truth always comes out. You can speak and act a good game, but your nature will present itself one way or the other. If you're messy and make no effort to clean up, the mess will make itself known.

datdudeincali said...

The more I hear about Dude and Girl, the messier it gets. Makes me sad they broke up and are back on the loose.

M Dot said...

Mo' drama, mo' problems. 

I'm still confused about Basketball Wives (wasn't she on that show first? ) featuring women that are mostly ex-fiances.   And what is an ex fiance? Mannn, y'all just ain't together. But I digress.

Even though he was once a great ballplayer, he's really more famous for the TV antics. She's famous for... yep, TV antics. Both have no discernible skill set so the only thing you can do is "out-antic" each other.   

Me? I know I have issues, I frustrate my approved matchmakers on a regular basis. Yet I give relationship advice that seems to work for others. 

Anywho, the only winner is HBO since they got to air this shiggedy* when he got cut.

*(C) - OneChele 

snookums lynn said...

I think messy people end up in messy situations, and it's hardly a suprise for those outside the mess. Anyone can end up in a mess, but it's how they act in messy situations dictates if they are a mess or just caught up in the matrix of life.
I don't think the distance between who you are and how u live is far. I'm creative, live for color and it shows in all I do..when u see me, you know I'm not that regular chick, at my job they started calling me Fancy about 6 months in...3 years later, I'm still Fancy and that's who I am regardless if I'm rocking the sweats or the sequined tanks

Sol_dier said...

other way round :-)
Divorce attorneys need to start paying tose companies for heads up

Angela said...

I believe that most people are high maintenance (not necessarily a negative) when they're with the wrong person.

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