I love my friend Jayme, I really do. But ur um... she took it upon herself to help me get back on the dating trail (I did not ask for nor want this assistance) by giving my phone number to one of Owen's (her hubby) friends. Okay, yes - I may have mentioned that after dating a man almost ten years younger that mayhaps I needed to see the other side of the spectrum. But I certainly did not mean this week and I did not mean to swing that far to the other side.
Owen is 52 and still fine. (Sorry Jayme, he is) He and Jayme still look good, get out, hang out - it's all good. With them, 50 is the new 35 and it's working. But for some reason, they decided to give my number to George. George is sixty-two. Yes, I know I'm in my forties but I'm not there yet. I'm not ready to date GrandDad.
George called and introduced himself. He then explained that he saw my picture on The Facebook and thought I was a "cutie pie." He further went on to explain that just because he has eight grandkids, that doesn't mean he can't still "run game" and "get his swerve on." I'm sorry, I immediately thought of the Boondocks episode where GrandDad meets Krystal from "The House of Cheeks" and tries to turn a hoe into a housewife. Not that I'm the hoe in this comparative scenario, I'm just saying the older guy, younger women thing doesn't always work. Oh... and the term "cutie pie" should be reserved for children under the age of ten, puppies and re-runs of Dance Fever.
For those of you who missed the episode - get into it here and thank me later. (My favorite part comes at the 4:30 mark) NSFW - do NOT get fired behind some Boondockery, okay?
I have no problem spending time with folks older than me. Most of my best friends are 5 - 10 years older. My godparents are 85 years old and some of the coolest damn people on the planet. I could hang out with them for days and still be tickled. This dude asked me if I knew how to "shake what my mama gave me" because he still liked to step out to the spot with a "pretty young thing" on his arm. Provided of course that I knew how to "handle my bidness" in the bedroom and the kitchen. He can't stand "no woman too pretty and siddity who can't cook all over the house." Noooooo!
At this point, I pressed the Mute button and started furiously texting Jayme.
M: Who IS this dude?
J: Oh, George called. You like him?
M: Dude just asked me if I know how to make boysenberry pie. He has eight grandkids. He is questioning my bedroom game and offering to show me a few things. No, I don't like him.
J: Wait... what?!
M: Uh yes.
J: Hold up a minute.
M: Holding...
J: (she texts back in a few minutes) Sorry about that. We set you up with the wrong George.
M: There's a different George?
J: A younger, less ratchet, no grandkids George. Owen mixed them up.
M: Good to know. Not interested right now.
J: Aw, you sure? He's a great guy.
M: No doubt. Yes. I'm positive. Later.
Can we all pause to send a collective laser beam side-eye to Owen. Dude!? Okay back the shenanigans...
GrandDad George was still talking about the things he liked his woman to cook and how he wanted them prepared. And yes, he was referring to more than pie. Eww. And. Ick. I cut him off and told him to call Owen back because he wanted to talk to him right quick and hung up. Later, George sent me an email on The Facebook telling me that he was still willing to teach me some things and to contact him when I was ready to learn.
I'm not ready, ya'll. I'm not ready...
Have you ever had some friends set you up and then you wondered what the hell they were thinking? Wondered if they ever really knew you at all? Do share... Thoughts, comments, insights on the George of it all? Ladies could you date GrandDad? Fellas? A hook-up with Madea in your future? Inquiring minds want to know...
167 comments:
I'm so tickled by this entire story...
LOL!!!!!!!
LAWD I'm gonna have to start reading BnB at home, I can't bust out laughing at my desk like this without drawing attention! THE WRONG GEORGE????? *crying*
*straightens up* yeah, I have asked folk to hook me up and only one person ever really followed thru on it. The guy was cool, except that he was interested in me being his DC stop-point to go along with his Philly, NYC, and CHI ladies. No gracias.
*dead*
Are you sure aren't ready to shake what your mama gave you with Grandaddy George? LMAO!! I think Jayme & Owen may be on set-up probation for a minute.
Ah girl! Go on be that man's tendoroni, PYT for a l'il minute.
Think of the blog posts!
Do it for us. Take one for the team.
#TeamBougieLand
And as to your questions-
#NoCountryForSetUps
#NoPlanetForMadea
Riley can't.
Big ups on the video.
Not tenderoni... almost as corny as bad mamma jamma
LOL
The dialogue between you and Jayme are COMEDY GOLD!!! I am sitting here SCREAMING right now. Owen knows he is dead wrong for confusing Pop-Pop George with Younger Cooler Uncle George. LMAO!!!!
*is Comedy Gold*
I dated a guy who was 20 years older when I was 22. That was not a bad experience at all. But as I creep up towards 40? Urrr - I don't know about that one.
I had a friend set me up with a guy she swore was awesome. How awesome is it that he was wearing an ankle monitor thing from County and couldn't go beyond a 10 mile radius of his house? What part of awesome is THAT?!
She and I had words.
I've got to join you in giving Jayme and Owen the hard side-eye.
The Wrong George?
Really?
That's like mixing up George Jefferson and George Clooney.
Nooooooooooooooooooooo!
Cutie pie, Katt Williams and the wrong George all in one post..... I quit for today!
*tires screeching again* This is the first convo and he's talking about shaking what your mama gave you and handling you bidness in the bedroom AND kitchen??? *kneels down to pray*
The wrong damn George??? *falls out into hysterical heart stopping asthma causing laughter*
Ooops, wrong George! *rolls around a few more time holding stomach*
*gets up off the floor grabs inhaler* Woooo that was funny!!!
*sends laser beam side-eye to Owen*
*chuckles some more*
Every area code huh? O_o
"How awesome is it that he was wearing an ankle monitor thing from County and couldn't go beyond a 10 mile radius of his house?"....What the what???
See. What had happened was... In my defense, one is George C and one is George D and I have fat fingeritis on my Android. I hit the wrong button. And when I was talking to him it never dawned on me that this was the wrong George. Though it really should have. Okay, my bad?!
Sir? The seats are that way ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~>
Have several of them, won't you?
Lawd ha'mercy baby jeebus. I just wrote my will cause y'all are straight KILLING me right now.
I have to wrap my mind around a post that mentions Madea, Boondocks, and Dance Fever all together.
I'm slayed.
And I have two friends (ladies) that are allowed to hook me up. Just them. No one else. Ever.
Okay, I'm sorry, I couldn't get past how he saw your picture on 'The Facebook' without laughing...let me go back in and try to focus, lol!
I think you know why I am here.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k5YyvW1Kk7Q
I was fixed up with somene who was 11 years older than me. I was in my late 30s at the time. He walked with a cane and when we went out a stranger approached and commended me for spending time with my father. **dead** No thank you.
Owen Owen Owen! As much as I want to be mad at you, I.can't. because this story amused me so!!!
But I must question you on GrandDad George and your friendship. O_o Don't hook him up with, intentionally or accidentally, with not nan-other-friend because he is SugarDaddy Ratchet at it's finest!
I literally spit out my coffee reading this. I know both Georges. Oh Owen...
p.s. This is why I don't set people up. No ma'am.
Like right now!
I have a headache from laughing so hard! My girlfriend wanted to set me up with one her husbands alcoholic friends. Umm, did you forget I have kids at home and I don't DRINK like you all do? WTH? No thank you. Side eye to Owen, watch out there now!
*dry heave* Have a seat Gramps!
Did he ask what's the mathematics of her ass??? Bwahahaha!!! I rebuke him and Leon X, the both of yous!!!
I see Owen and Jayme forgot that they told me to start reading this site? Imagine my surprise to read that I don't get the hook up cuz Owen is an idiot and the other George is Old Dude In The Club. Somehow I lost. That ain't right. Owen, can I speak with you for a moment in the back?
For the record I have no grandchildren and I'm a chef. I do my own cooking. Not hollering, just saying. For future reference. Before I get kicked out my first time commenting, I'll leave it at that.
You owe her...big time. LOL. The horror you subjected her to!
Oh. Well uh - Welcome to BougieLand.
*snickers*
I'm not made at setups. The last date I was set up on, I married her. Good looking out, Chele.
GrandDad needs to settle down.
No he didn't. We see you, player.
Yes sir. Living with the last person I was set up with. Chele should really start charging.
O_O *closes mouth* Oh my damn!!! Welcome?
That chick is not your friend.
First of all, BAWAHAWAHAWA!!!! Thank you Jayme and Owen. Sometimes unintentional comedy is the best! Now that we have that out of the way. Take you time Chele. And as for George, pivoting to sex in the first conversation? WDDDA?
....in different area codes... You know the rest.
Ok and before y'all jump ratchet, you know who you are, let's let Chele decide if she wants to see what the right George is all about. Shall we? *sends side-eyes all around*
oh. Snap!
*tips in, looks around*
Oops.
*tips out*
"How awesome is it that he was wearing an ankle monitor thing from County and couldn't go beyond a 10 mile radius of his house? What part of awesome is THAT?"
What the ENTIRE hell?
Fat finger on your Android? Good thing YOUR personal life is on the up and up. This has caused all manner of career ending injuries.
"...watch out there now?" I see what you did there.
Don't we though.
Doc C I would defend your innocence, but the bible says a man cleaves unto his wife and becomes one. So....*sends you a side-eye too* LOL
"J: (she texts back in a few minutes) Sorry about that. We set you up with the wrong George."
LOL FOREVER AND EVER!!!!!!!! Come on Owen, please do better in the future, so OneChele will take your recommendations seriously! And Ms. Jayme please vet Owen's recommendations beforehand!
Have you ever had some friends set you up and then you wondered what
the hell they were thinking? Wondered if they ever really knew you at
all?
I have been fortunate enough not have been setup by anyone!
Do share... Thoughts, comments, insights on the George of it all?
This is all I have for George is e_O
Ladies could you date GrandDad?
No! My father is 62! If I had to date now I would probably only date within +7 and -3 of my age.
Heyyyyyyyy! *waves*
Well now. This is awkward. Yet hilarious.
*lets self out. Takes Owen and George with me*
*hits eject button under Sassy's seat*
It's never dull around here.
*grabs popcorn*
What? *blinks innocently*
Cuz you know it was coming.
I'm sixty, still full of energy, still love a sexy woman on my arm when I step out - provided that she's in her fifties! I've always been a proponent of "age-appropriate" dating. Yeah - don't "date grandpa". V
Feel free to hit the donate button on the sidebar ------------->
Faints
This article I can't.....
Praying with you Amen lol
Friend set me up with a guy she * met in a cab* but urrr he was the driver lol
I asked her do u know me?? Not listening to her ever again
I howled!! Dude is just...out there... Who on earth begins an introduction with such nonsense?! I cannot with Gramps. Owen, it's funny that you got them mixed up, but put an asterisk next to this George's name along with the caveat, "Do not refer. Never. Ever."
Chele, you may not want to date right now, but if Jayme and Owen were to have a soiree and to have George there along with other uncoupled folks, would that be okay? I'm asking for a friend. ;)
So do I, and why did I read it as 'Ole Otis,' the character from 'Martin'?
And this is but one reason why I love Riley!!
Disqus hates everyone everywhere. Someone needs to develop a serious alternative and put Disqus out of business!
*hollers*
Y'all, Ratchet George is 62, not 32 and he aint got time to waste since he's on the right side of dead so he got right to the important stuff: Can you roll a good pie crust out with a jelly jar? Do you know how to properly cook sausage links so that they are done all the way through?
O.M.G y'all have kilted me dead a thousand times over with this post and these comments! Nicely played sir. Nicely played.
"he's on the right side of dead"
LMAO! You ain't right!
No. It would not be okay.
*crosses arms, taps foot and glares at everybody*
haaaaaa! Owen is gonna be about that CouchSleeping Life over this here. If you went older Senor Boysenberry definitely wouldn't be the one.
But on the cool, I posted a couple of pics on FB and Twitter when my (67 year old) Dad was in town. And via DM and text a couple of my female friends inquired. Their age range 30-40. Just saying.
one choice DM and I quote, "when is your fine-a** Daddy coming back to Dallas?" MA'AM, Hol'up.
wrong on so many levels
The charge is Guilt by Cleave, Judge CaliED presiding *bangs gavel*
Whoa. It just got real up in here.
*makes notes*
It's not generally my way to laugh at people's pain but LMFAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. OMG.
You would think at damn-near-eligible-for-a-Denny's-discount age, grandpa would know not to open a conversation with all the cooking, cleaning and sexing he expects "his woman" to do. But I suppose we know now why he's Walmart greeter age and still single.
PS- That Boondocks episode? Next to the MLK one, hands down the best of the series.
Yeah. We do.
Uh oh *slams piano lid shut, grabs hat and runs for the door*
Being upfront is one thing. Detailing all the ways you need it set out in the bedroom 27 seconds after "hello" is a mess. LOL
LOL. Oh, hey Dave....
Don't be a stranger now, ya' hear? LOL
if he stays the night, the SWAT team is showing up at yo house ...
So then I guess the moral of the story is Chele should always do the setting up, never be subject to a set up. lol
I believe GeorgeD just kicked the door in. LOL.
And since you are reserved for Chele, you got any chef friends? I'm uh, just asking for research purposes...yeah, that's it. LOL
Awwwww shit!!! *runs behind Sassy*
Well damn....
*screaming!!!!* BWA HA HAHA HA
Lawd...the Dallas chapter of BougieLand is never boring! LOL!!!
How so? Some ladies like dating the senior citizen set...
*lays prostrate before my Lord*
my laugh for the day for sure....from the actual post to the comments.....hi-la-rious!!!!
What if he was a straight version of Matt Bomer?
for the record, my Dad remarried younger and they're a great couple. He gets hit on when we go out. I can only hope I have 1/4 of the pull that Big Pop has at his age.
this just seemed appropriate...one of my creations from back when
http://yfrog.com/h8xs5ldj
yeah we can't be hanging out AND you're trying to holla at Big Pop. Nope.
Man those DMs and text would have probably ended in defriending and unfollowing -_- #NoCountryForTryingToDateMyParents!
You broke out the Cat Daddy pic! Ha! I was crying during lunch reading this! So sorry Chele. o__o
You know they meant well in trying to fix you up - just some lines got crossed. My friend knew it would be funny as hell to hook me up with Methuselah. I finally left after sitting next to him in the movies and I looked over and saw the gray hair coming out of his ears. Out. Of. His. Ears. I got a quick migraine and high-tailed it out of there. He said he knew how to get rid of my headache (wink wink) and all I saw was that scene from Color Purple "How he die?" "On top o' me."
He probably figured he didn't have much time. Tick tock, Grady, tick tock.
I like how you played that, lol!
Stop pouting, David.
Oh my word. I almost had a coronary from laughing so hard.
LOL! If I was not sitting in a courthouse, I would have literally burst out laughing. Sweet Lawd!
I don't believe "anyone" is pouting or blocking... O_o
Welp. So let it be written; so let it be done.
"How he die?" "On top o' me."...*howls and cackles*
Well I'm sitting at my desk, and I did burst out!!!
I'm screaming along with you. so glad I'm in my office alone today. LAWDAMERCY!!!
This!
I dunno - crossing arms, tapping feet, and glaring...it is some kinda poutish.
ha! Girl, my laptop is covered in FIJI water. heheehehehehe
He said he knew how to get rid of my headache (wink wink) and all I saw
was that scene from Color Purple "How he die?" "On top o' me."
Rozb,
iQuit you today!!! LMAO
Between the post and the comments... *wipes eyes* I'm literally crying laughing at my desk. I needed that today!
NO! NO! NO!!! I am at work...in a freaking cubicle, no less! This comment right here is the hilarious death of me. It is taking all of my energy and bougie couth to hold in my laughter. I lost the battle at "How'd he die? On top o' me." <<---- Not suitable for work! LOL!!!!
I thought I had the worst hooked-up-the-single-girl-with-the-wrong-guy story ever...but this might beat me. My story is simple I like giants (tall men 6'5 and over) and had a friend (ex friend now) set me up with a little person. Yes, me at 5'9 with four inches heels on opens the door to a 3'10 inch man.
*chokes* Aw lawd... RRRRRRRRRROFL!
LOL!!! Well played Bougie George!!!
Note to self: today goes down in history as one of my favorite bougie reading days. Keep it coming.
Hey David... if you can't beat 'em join 'em... LOL (unpopular opinion but hey!)
Y'all three sound like Chele's big brothers after George comes over to take her to the school dance. LOL
Y'all better stop with all these stories before I get my self fired. HAHAHA!!!!
3' 10" was not a typo, right? Please tell me you meant 5' 10",...even 4' 10".
You have to finish this story; don't leave us hanging...please.
GRADY!!!! *crying laughing again*
** Gulp **
*waves a white flag* I.can.not. I surrender all of the laughter in the world to you ma'am!!! I am literally at my desk coughing, CHOKING, from holding in this laugh!
*wipes tears* So like Chree said, 3'10" was a typo right? Or a strong exaggeration? Right??? PLEASE say something! You MUST correctify this emeegeeatlee!!!
*takes a swig of water and laughs some more*
OK!!! And you JUST got promoted! LOL
"right side of dead"
Lawd....
LOL!
Cat Daddy George instead of Cool George? Umm. Umm. Umm. That's so wrong. To answer your question, no I would not could not date Grand Dad. I'm at my age limit now with dh. If something happens and I'm back in the singles mix again, I'm dating my age and younger.
*HOLLERS* I hope BougieLand has a place for me to stay when I get fired at work today. lol
Le Damn. *lol*
So I told my coworker, and after we hollered for a minute she took a ruler and measured what 3'10" looks like. It's so wrong, but she had to know!
"I had a friend set me up with a guy she swore was awesome. How awesome
is it that he was wearing an ankle monitor thing from County and
couldn't go beyond a 10 mile radius of his house? What part of awesome
is THAT?!"
*chokes* I need one of y'all to come look after my Mama in JamRock! You've killed me! XD
I am late to the party today. LOL! A person shouldn't laugh so hard because I have a darn headache now. I have dated older by 10 years but that is usually my limit.
Rozb - we will have to agree to disagree...
For real!!! Flexing muscles, cracking knuckles and whatnot...
Twin, why did I just notice the question mark after 'Welcome'??! LOL!!!
Nooooo!!! Daggumit my OM is sitting at her desk and I almost bellowed out! Y'all.did.not.do.that.
Please ask Auntie ReeRee to sang Precious Lord at my funeral! *looks for ruler* I mean you know...
O_O
Wuh woh...*exits stage left*
Me too...LOUDLY!!!
I don't usually comment but...you have to be making this up!
Why did I just sit on the phone listening to my co-worker choking as she read this!!!
Then I had her read this and she is howling!!!
BWAHAHAHA!! Sorry...this was wayyy too much! "We set you up with the wrong George"...*water spit all over keyboard!
Exactly!
No 3'10 was not a typo. And I can't believe y'all broke out rulers!!!!!
Welp! I guess you laid down the law TODAY - get it David!
*cues Snoop and Dre*
"It's like this and like that and like this and uh,It's like that and like this and like that and uh,It's like this, and we ain't got no love for those,So jus' chill, 'til the next episode..."
Oh
'right side of dead'
I don't even know how to quit you...LOL
One word - stylus
Stuff like this here is why I read bougie with my office door closed.
Are you sure Ashton Kutcher and a camera crew weren't in the bushes somewhere. That had to be an episode of PUNKED. LOL
If I mention that he bore a striking resemblance to Bushwick Bill, will my BougieLand pass be revoked?
This was indeed hilarious! I imagined the shock and horror on your face as Old George was "running game" and sending you messages via The Facebook. Bwahaha!!
I was set up once during my single days - it did.not.go.well. Dating grandpa types? No, ma'am. My grandmother once said that old men give young girls 'worms'. No thanks, no thanks indeed, LOL!
Right side of Dead is now added to my lexicon and I cannot wait to use it...
#TeamDLC up in this piece!
+1
Listen, I introduced a co-worker to BnB, she was all over BnB today & forgot to get a report from our India team before they left for the day. BnB is about to get a lot of us on the unemployement line.
*crying laughing* I hate Owen for you.....I do...I so hate him. LMAO!!
+2
and....im so far gone.
#wordtodrizzy
+3
EAUX. EMM. GEE!!!! Owen owes you dinner, drinks and $50!!! WOW!!! and EWWWWW at Granddad.
GeorgeDnotC, I like that in ya...
Which is exactly why I cannot read at work (not to mention they track the websites we visit), and I'm doing all of my catch-up reading now!
This is just a mess! Between the picture and color purple reference _____^^_______^___________
FLATLINED!!!
Oh my.
Oh my.
Lord, have mercy! Ya'll were crazy today! LOL!!!!
Ma'am I have already given you all the laughter in the world, this madness must stop!!! Please Jesus there can only be ONE Bushwick Bill! Make her stop, PLEASE LAWD!!!
THIS. IS. HILARIOUS!!
Jerome in Da house!!! LOL
"Granddad you do know that light skin-ded hoe is a hoe right?"
Best Boondocks line ever. Haha.
Did they ever get your info to the correct George? How was he? Lol
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