Wednesday, July 04, 2012

Happy 4th! How independent are you?

It's Independence Day! The day America said told Britain, "We're done, son." Of course after being freed from the tyranny of British rule, the forefathers rained all flavors of holy hell on folks here in the new country but that's for another day.

Some dude on Facebook was going in last night about how all these women consider themselves to be strong and independent but they are really not. He argued that a lot of women lean on men, friends, family both emotionally and financially to make it from month to month. He believed that the "independent black woman" is a myth. So of course, someone else launched the counter offensive about men being the biggest dependent and co-dependent on the planet and the battle was on.

Got me to thinking... Am I as independent as I think I am? By this definition:

Definition of INDEPENDENT

: not dependent: as(1) : not subject to control by others : self-governing (2) :not affiliated with a larger controlling unit <an independent bookstore>(1) : not requiring or relying on something else : not contingent <an independent conclusion> (2) : not looking to others for one's opinions or for guidance in conduct (3) : not bound by or committed to a political party(1) : not requiring or relying on others (as for care or livelihood) <independent of her parents> (2) : being enough to free one from the necessity of working for a living <a person of independent means>d : showing a desire for freedom <an independent manner>

I'd say I'm 92% there. Whether that's a good thing or bad thing... topic for another discussion. I personally don't mind leaning on others from time to time. Lady Liberty has got to be tired of carrying that torch all by herself. Some days, I'm sure she'd like to set it on down and get a dip in the ocean and a spa package. I'm just saying.

Bougieland, do you consider yourself independent? Do you feel free? Why or why not? Do you ever want to be completely independent? Please discuss...


CaliGirlED said...

I'm an independent woman by default. Meaning I take care of me and my daughter by myself because I have to. But I do have a few in my life that I can lean on for emotional and spiritual support, though being an semi-introvert keeps me holding most things in. I do care what others think of me, but only those that I care about, and even then as long as they are not using their opinions to belittle me.

However, I long for the day that I can feel this way, as described by Mrs. Mara Brock-Akil, (paraphrasing), "I am a very strong, independent and confident woman. I know my worth and my talent. But I become like a little girl when he (Salim) walks into the room. I'm eager to see if he will like what I'm working on!)

rozb said...

If you have friends and need emotional support, need human interaction, and want love, then some people say you are not independent. That just means you are not alone. Independence is a concept that somebody (like the brother above) tries to define by their own boxed in standards. By his standards, he probably ain't an independent Black man.

Anyhoo - Happy 4th Bougieland!!!

rozb said...

Hey Caligirl! Are you enjoying the holiday? * waving my flag while eating a red, white, and blue rocket pop*

CaliGirlED said...

 Hey Roz!!! Hope you're enjoying the holiday and that pop!

My bed is holding me hostage! Give me free!!! Gonna try to get out this evening, but the thought of getting up and getting dressed just makes me roll over and take another nap. *starts to roll*

Anonymous said...

Funny I just finished analyzing this very thought for my self and I would say that "independence" is a word that has different meaning for different people so totally agree with Rozb as I search for a lil bit of each in those definitions that onechele kindly posted HAPPY 4th to All

Brneyed1 said...

Most people--both male and female--are dependent on someone or some entity for something.  I thank Uncle Sam err day for my job/paycheck.  Am I dependent on it?  Until such time as I become independently wealthy, YEP.
Dude needs to get a grip.

Sol_dier said...

There are people out there who are upset, angry & insulted by the audacity of a woman who is not 'owned' by someone. You don't have to even do or say anything, they will make their disgust of you very clear.
Countries are independent, yet they still ask for help, aid, partnerships e.t.c.
So, Dude, spent this much time and such passion on trying to prove something which has nothing to do with independence?' Dude.. #getyolife

Just_A_Thought1218 said...

For the most part, I am independent, as in I do not rely on family, friends, SOs or other men to pay for my wants and needs.  However, I shole am dependent on this corporate gig, cuz I would be in a world of trouble in very short order if I were no longer blessed to have my current employment.

I pretty emotionally independent, but I do still need those close to me from time to time to give me a boost.  I tend to go w/ all cylinders clicking, and that leads to very bad things if not managed properly.

Now, as for freedom, no I really don't feel free.  I am currently having a second quarter-life-crisis, battling between the life I say/think I want, and the life that I truly want.  And I'm stubborn and hard-headed, so some of these lessons are a little more brutal the second (or third, or fifth, or tenth) time around.  But, as Celie said "Ahm heah!" so there's nothing to it but to pick myself up and keep it moving.

Just_A_Thought1218 said...


I didn't even touch the nonsense spewed by ol' boy in the post.  Dude is just mad, bitter, and in need of a serious reality check.

Mina B. said...

I assume that when people talk about being an independent woman- they mostly mean not depending on someone else for financial support and being able to self govern. I have a story:

When I was a kid the only thing I wanted to do was be completely independent. I loved my parents, but not their rules and knew I wouldn't be free until I was able to support myself. My number one goal in college was to gain complete independence and be TOTALLY self sufficient, make all of my own decisions. I had made great strides but was not quite where I wanted to be with that goal when I got married at a young age. The idea of co-dependence wasn't one I was too keen on since thus far I had been striving for the very opposite of that (translation: I made things difficult for poor hubby). Anywho fast forward to now- I'm single and have reached the epitome of independence that I had wished for as a youngin. I have a real sense of pride about my accomplishments, but I also feel like I sacrificed some valuable relationships in my unwillingness to lean on others for support. I wish I'd made different choices in school and focused more on honing my passions. Personally, I think I took the idea of independence too far. We all need support from others in our lives- emotionally, spiritually, psychologically, and yes even financially sometimes. So yes, I'm independent but I paid more than I think it's worth. 

RosalindGash said...

I'm an "independent woman". However, I don't wear my independence as a badge of honor... I don't expect kudos for doing what an adult is supposed to do. Something is wrong when a whole group of people think paying their bills and other obligations is a big deal. We're the only group who thinks like this, so the larger question is what does this say about us?


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