Blogger's Disclaimer: I really do try and steer away from the uberRatchet Ask A Bougie Chick letters. There are many (many!!) that I read, shake my head and say - um... no. But this girl was just so earnest and positive that she's in the right... I couldn't resist. But before we read the letter, an anecdote:
My older brother is a trauma surgeon. From time to time, he'll call with ridiculously outlandish tales from the hospital. Once when he was in Shreveport, he talked about a man and his sig-oth that came in regularly. Usually on a Saturday night, liquored up and one or the both of them would have minor stab wounds. Yes, their idea of good times was go out drinking, get mad at each other and take out the switchblades and make like West Side Story... um without the singing and dancing. One night they came in and the man did not survive his wound. His woman got angry and said, "He never died on me before, I only stabbed him a little bit." Ooo-kay. That's the story that came to my mind when I received this letter:
Dear Chele,I'm 31 and I've been with my man, KJ for two years. My boyfriend and I have what I guess some one call a tempestuous relationship. We live together and there's a lot of passion between us. We do argue a lot usually pretty loudly, sometimes in public. We've had the police out here half dozen times telling us we're disturbing the neighbors with either our fights or our making up. We're not violent with each other but emotions do run high. All of my friends and family tell me that's too much damn drama but we can't stay away from each other. It's like we have a chemistry, a force field that draws the two of us together. We truly love each other.
This past month, things have sort of escalated as far as our on again off again status. He threatened to leave and we had a huge fight. I ended up putting half his clothes in the bathtub and pouring bleach on them. Then when I threatened to leave. He slashed two of my tires. But he paid to have them replaced and we laughed about it later. When we made up, it was that much sweeter. We're just over the top like that. Why don't people understand, this is just how we are?
I believe we are destined to be together that this is the only man who loves and accepts me as I am. Even though we fuss and fight, I know he loves me. But everyone is saying I'm in an unhealthy place and I need to think this over. What do you think?Janella in Jackson
Janella - Sorry, I don't know you or your man but I agree with your people. That's too much nonsense and foolishness. I'm not sure how you are defining love but it sounds to me like your relationship is about the adrenaline high you get from the rollercoaster of drama you all perpetuate. The endorphin high from the crazy makeup cocoa has you all mixed up.
You mention bleached clothes and slashed tires like these are regular and okay occurrences for a stable relationship. No ma'am. Are you listening? No. MA'AM! Any relationship that brings the po-po to your door on the regular is no bueno. At the very least, you need some time away to see what normal is. By normal, I mean a peaceful quiet existence where you aren't pendulum swinging from mountain high to valley high day to day. Slashed tires do not equal love. And if you are trashing clothes and he's slashing tires, where do you escalate to from here? No place good. Based on what you've told me, this is not a healthy relationship. You do create a force field but it's not a good one. But let me ask the readers...
BougieLand, you know how I feel about relationships that could headline a Lifetime Movie of the Week. What do you have for Janelle and KJ? Do you know people in relationships like this? Is it just me or are they doing too damn much? The floor is yours, please share.