Wednesday, July 25, 2012

Ask a Bougie Chick - Cougar Stripes


This one definitely goes into the files under the "I'm sure you think this is a compliment you just sent me, but it's really not" category. Take a look:
Hey Chele!
I'm so eager to get your opinion on something! I'm divorced, no kids, just turned forty and I've recently been getting asked out by guys a lot younger than me. Like more than 10 years. I've been hesitant because that seems like a stretch but reading your blog and your experiences, I'm starting to think - well why not? If Chele can nab her a hot young thing (sorry it didn't work out by the way), so can I, right? 
Plus you wrote the book about the woman who dated the younger guy and you sound like you really know what you're talking about.  
So I'm wondering if you have advice for those of us dipping a toe into the cougar waters. Are there things to look out for, things we should be aware of? Catching and keeping the attention of men that could date 20 year olds is a little intimidating, isn't it? Looking for any tips you can give me because this is all new to me. 
Thanks for whatever help you can give me. Love the blog, love the books. When's the next one due out by the way? 
You are fab!
FJM in Charlotte
So........... this is what it's come to, huh? I'm now some sort of cougar expert? A puma whisperer? This can't be my life. Le Deep Damn Sigh. Here we go:

FJM -
A few things. 
1) Glad you like the work. Pretty Boy Problems is on shelves next Tuesday. Enjoy!

2) Sweet Little Lies was a work of fiction. Yes my heroine dated a younger man but 80% of that book was pure imagination. 

3) The last boyfriend was 7 years younger (but I'm sure hearing himself referred to as a "hot young thing" made his week). Before that, I had a long-term relationship with a guy that was 14 months younger. 10+ years I have zero experience so not sure I should be your go-to gal on all things cougarific.

4) You should be clear on something: All guys with any sort of game have the ability to date 20 y/o women so you're competing against them no matter who you date. In the end it's about what you bring to the table. You need be authentically you. If that's what they want, you're in. If it's not, onto the next.

5) Dating a younger guy is no different than dating any guy - it's all the same basic principles. Please do not attempt to act, speak or dress younger - that never goes well. See line above about authenticity and repeat.

BougieLand - ladies and gent - any advice to FJM on dating a younger man? Thoughts, comments, insights?

48 comments:

thinklikeRiley said...

*stops rolling around on the floor laughing at Chele long enough to type answer*
FJM - ain't nothing to it but to do it.*drops mic and goes back to laughing*"Puma whisperer" tho?

SingLikeSassy said...

Sigh. See, this is why -- you know what? Nevermind. 

Reads4Pleasure said...

The first thing that popped in my head was an image of the woman from Cameo's She's Strange video.  The second is, are you on Candid Camera? I don't even think of 40 as cougar territory. Hell, if she wants to date a bunch of children with Similac on their breath who don't have the sense God gave a dimwitted cockroach, more power to her.

GrownAzzMan said...

So the last post was on the Grand Dad tip and this one is all about Cougars and cougar bait? UmK. I got nothing...

MsJamie14 said...

I have no answer, you killed me a "puma whisperer" LMAO!!!!!!!!!!

CaliGirlED said...

FJM FJM FJM. You are obvious a regular reader, who doesn't regularly comment or is using these initials to be somewhat anonymous (aka sneaky so as not to be embarrassed by the citizens of BougieLand). And with that observation, let me take a minute before I respond.

*joins in laughter with Riley* Puma whisperer? Chele you ain't right!

Miz JJ said...

Maybe you can write a "self-help book" now. I've heard they're all the rage. Why should Steve Harvey get all that cheddar? You can have the comments section come up with names.

My suggestions:
"How to Get your Cougar On!"
""Act like a Lady, Pounce like a Puma".

md_KG said...

"Act Like a Lady, Pounce like a Puma"

Lord Jesus, save my soul....ROTFLMAOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!
 

GrownAzzMan said...

When they fill out that form... 

Cause of Death: "Act Like A Lady, Pounce Like A Puma"

CTFU!

CaliGirlED said...

*walks around in amazement* Wow look at these pearly gates!

Peter: "You're here too soon!"
Me: "I know, but she said, "Act like a Lady, Pounce like a Puma', I couldn't take it!!!"

AppleBerryMIA said...

I wish I knew how to quit BougieLand.
*slayed*

Earthangel172 said...

*adds cougarific and puma whisperer to my vocabulary.* LMAO

I hardly qualify as a cougar so I have nothing for FJM. ::shrugs::

Earthangel172 said...

My suggestions:
"How to Get your Cougar On!"
""Act like a Lady, Pounce like a Puma". 

Your suggestions have slain me in the spirit!! I can't stop laughing....

invectiva said...

High comedy in BougieLand today.  Puma whisperer?

FJM, SMH.

FullBloom said...

The post and comments are hilarious.  Can’t stop laughing!

CaliGirlED said...

Chele, despite your lack of experience in the area in which FJM asked for your infinite wisdom, you still managed, as always, to combine knowledge, experience and good ol' common sense to offer up some great advice! #4 and #5 ARE it in a nutshell!!!

FJM et al, there it is there!

Oh and @Guest watch out for that doorway! (swollen head and all) LOL!!! ;-)

FreeBlackMan said...

What he said ^

The Bunni said...

"Act like a Lady, Pounce like a Puma"
I am officially done!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!

CorettaJG said...

Oh my! Not the "puma whisperer."

Mo said...

oh.. ummm... my cubemate  just  showed me  Trey Songz video(he can't sing that well), but u think u can hook me up, Chele? Your first client.

Marioned said...

OK on a few occassions I dated younger men(10 ye and 17!!!) years younger.  At the time I wasn't looking to date at all and they were persistent.  That may be why it worked well for the time that the relationship lasted.  What I did notice is that the they were very serious young men and I think most girls their ages might have been a bit to flaky.  There were times when things came up and the generational difference was apparent and they couldn't relate.  Both relationships lasted about 9-10 months and they were cool and I have no regrets. I have great sex with guys my age so the only difference was there were a few nights where they could be like an assault weapon in a good way and reload in double digits!!  :O

MeetCharlieL said...

So scared to ask... what's a puma?

OneChele said...

Cougar bait...

SpkTruth2Pwr said...

I died at Puma Whisperer.

MeetCharlieL said...

Oh my damn.

Jason P said...

FJM - Girl please.
Chele - Your life, our entertainment.
This whole post = WIN

The_A said...

*solemnly hangs wreath at the site where all the Bougie died at the hands of the puma whisperer*

FJM  if you're really open to "dip your toe" into the 10+ age gap waters, perhaps I can kill 2 birds  w/ 1 stone...see there's this PopPop named George...

Just_A_Thought1218 said...

 Wait... I thought cougar bait = cubs? And that puma = a younger version of a cougar (or a woman who's dating a man younger, but not that much younger i.e. 5 or so years as opposed to 10+ years)?
Have I been misinformed? And should I be pleased or p.o.'ed that my 5 yr younger beau refers to me as a puma? I have questions... lol

Grace said...

Bwahaha! Can FJM make pie though? 

Grace said...

FJM - 10 + years is a lot. IJS. Think on it. Ease into your cougar stripes. Maybe start with 5 years younger?

OneChele said...

Girl break it down. 

CaliGirlED said...

That's the word on the streets! LOL!!! (According to the urban dictionary, a woman not quite cougar age, which is supposedly 40, dating younger men, but not just 5 years younger).

But technically a cougar is a member of the puma genus. *shrugs* It's all good! Color me an urban puma. *walks away whistling*

CaliGirlED said...

 *shoots The_A* where she stands* Bwahahahaha!!!

CaliGirlED said...

 Also +, FJM, don't get this Cougar phenom confused. Most cougars are all about the FUN of it, not the LOVE of it. They are not hunting cubs for relationships, they're hunting for the KILL, if you will. You looking for a relationship, I say listen to what Grace said. IMHO

blackprofessor said...

Dear God, help me recover from puma whisperer. That is all!

Cocoa Winston said...

"All guys with any sort of game have the ability to date 20 y/o women so you're competing against them no matter who you date. "
*begins praise dance in the aisle*

Page Bartlett said...

Pumas and cougars and cubs, oh my!

ShawnSoze said...

This is what is great about BnB, you laugh AND you learn.
*takes notes*

rozb said...

" 5) Dating a younger guy is no different than dating any guy - it's all
the same basic principles. Please do not attempt to act, speak or dress
younger - that never goes well. See line above about authenticity and
repeat."

This says it all. A younger man is attracted to you because - well - you are you! Dressing like Ciara, Nikki Minaj, or any of the "under 30" girl-folk is always a no-no for any woman over 35 worth her salt. Even if you have the body of a 20 year-old you have the mind and experience of someone older and it will show. Trust me - I have a friend who cannot stay out of Apple Bottom jeans and Baby Phat (okay so it is also ratched fashion). Bless her heart, but she looks sad when she is dropping it hot and I hear her knees crack on the way back up.

Stay in your lane, enjoy the attention, and be a grown woman when handling yours. Plus, know when to cut it loose. If it doesn't feel right, exit stage left, turn right at the lantern...

rozb said...

 As long as he doesn't give you his letter jacket to wear and sneaks you in his window after the parents go to sleep...

CaliGirlED said...

Ya  see what I'm sayin! Or his dorm room while his roommate is bed sleep! You're good! LMAO!!!

Roz you always crack me up!

CaliGirlED said...

"Bless her heart, but she looks sad when she is dropping it hot and I hear her knees crack on the way back up."...My ghost just died!!!

sasha82 said...

Puma Whisperer <----------this is why I can't read this blog at work!!!

OneChele said...

Oh. She said assault weapon... in a good way. Alright then.

OneChele said...

iQuit.

GrownAzzMan said...

I had almost recovered from "Act like a lady pounce like a puma" and then she had to come with this, "Bless her heart, but she looks sad when she is dropping it hot and I hear her knees crack on the way back up."

#DOA

WB_formerly_Stank0 said...

This is why I missed this place so much.

WB_formerly_Stank0 said...

This is why I missed this place so much. Puma whisperer for the win!

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