Saturday, June 23, 2012

More true confessions of a Bougie Chick...


Well, since it's kinda been true confession time on BnB, I might as well come clean. 

David asked me to marry him on my birthday (back in January) and that's where the trouble started. The fact that he tossed the ring across the table and said, "Now you'll have to figure out what to do with me," started us on a slippery slope. The fact that I gave him a "definite maybe" and asked if we could discuss it again in six months probably didn't help. And before anyone asks, the reason I didn't do a cartwheel and scream 'Yes, of course!" was because I knew we had things to work out before we could take this major step. 

And then came the long absences due to travel (his), the health issues (mine) and a decided lack of willingness to compromise (ours). 

Three huge relationship killers - distance, stress and lack of communication all rolled into one. But the most important roadblock that we kept coming up against was that we stopped being on the same page as to what was important and what came next. Truly, we should've probably called it a day in January but because we knew that we had something worth a fight, we toughed it out. The growing pains were damn near lethal but we kept going. We broke up, got back together, "stepped away", got back together until finally, it was enough.

We agreed that we wanted the same things but not with each other as we are now. (see how I worded that?) Whether we'll change our minds in the future, I don't know. We didn't scream, we didn't rant, we didn't hurl accusations, we just talked it out and arrived at the same conclusion. We are still being amicable, friendly and whatnot. I (for once) don't hold any grudges and I don't think he does either. His boys, however? Ya'll might have to help them along. I think Trey cried. Shawn and Jay lectured us (really, guys) for about an hour. Bryan and Wes wanted to know if they have to chose which of us to stay friends with. No fellas, you don't. My mom's feelings are hurt, his mom's feelings are hurt but in the end, we gotta do what we gotta do.

So while yes, it's sad that we broke up... it's not necessarily a bad thing. Oh and to the two folks who asked me if they could date David if he and I ever broke up... that's a negatory. 

By the time you all read this, I'll be sitting in a casita at the Four Seasons in Punta Mita, Mexico. BougieSis and I will be chilling beachfront for five days. I, for one, am so ready to lay somewhere and do nothing but stare at water. 

In other news, we've had a lot of requests to do a BnB Book Club. I'm going to kick it off when I get back. Yes, of course, I will be starting with two of mine: Heard it all Before and then the sequel which comes out at the end of July, Pretty Boy Problems. Both of these books are told from both the male and female point of view so fellas, don't be shy about joining in. After that, we'll branch out. 

Let's get this summer going. Talk to you next week!

61 comments:

GuessImJay said...

Trey did cry. I'm not so dry eyed myself. Just cuz Dave ain't being all he can be, I gotta suffer?! I just love you guys.
*kicks over trashcan* 

mizjj said...

That's tough. I wish you the best. Both of you. Enjoy your trip.

ASmith said...

Man.  When I saw the title and the link on twitter I knew it.  :( but, hey y'all grown and you talked it out and y'all are still friends so what else can you do?

Meanwhile, YES for the book club. *does jig*

Alia said...

Wow. I don't "know" you guys and I feel a little verklempt. I'm glad you both were able to come to a mutual decision and still keep it bougie while doing it.

ASmith said...

I'm not judging any of y'all at all.  When two of my friends who are dating got real close to the edge I bout had a panic attack.  I was like WHO GETS ME IN THE DIVORCE SETTLEMENT?  I DON'T WANT TO HAVE TO DO VISITATION!  Real selfish like but hey, when you love a couple, you love a couple.

CaliGirlED said...

I'm little taken aback by this post, but not shocked. But I'd be a damn lie if I said I wasn't hurt. Le Huge Damn Sigh!!! Man I had hoped for this to really work out for you guys! Y'all know I loved y'all's love!!! *wipes a tear* (I feel ya Trey!) Soooo glad  it ended amicably, but I would have expected nothing less!

And for the two who asked if you could date David if they ever broke up??? Naw, I'm not even going to lay down my Christianity over that bullshiggity, it ain't even worth it! :-/

MDot said...

Dang! Sorry to see this and I was hoping I wrong when I saw the title. I wish both of you the best. Enjoy your vacay and continued recovery.

I need to write this short story in my head so I can humbly submit it for BnB book club consideration.

blackprofessor said...

Awwww! I don't know you guys but you seemed to have a healthy and mature relationship.  I am glad that you are remaining mature even at this point.  I wish both of you peace and that everything works out for the best of you.  

thinklikeRiley said...

AW MAN! Not Chele and Dave?! What we gonna go?
Oh, it ain't about me? Oh.

CaliGirlED said...

I feel ya Riley!

YourGirlCyn said...

Sad.

Just sad.

Really, really sad.

Jennifer said...

Oh man... well, amicable is a good thing.  I wish you both the best, no matter what the future holds.

(*kicks trashcan* damn, damn, damn!! (c) Florida Evans)

GrownAzzMan said...

Awww,

"First the Fat Boys break up, now this"

I can't claim shock (Big Brother's Intuition) but I am still saddened by the news. I wish the best for both of you.

That's all I got...

GrownAzzMan said...

*Fist bump*

Jubi The Great said...

Awww Chele & I'm sorry to hear you guys broke up. But you guys know your relationship & what's best for the two of you. I hope your get the rest of need in Mexico & that you guys can continue to be friends, or at least friendly.

Oh and the chicks who asked if they could date David in case yall ever broke up? BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. Who does that?

C Nelson said...

 I love how it's automatically David's fault. From HIS friend. No doubt at all who walks away with Jay's support... which, by the way, is not me saying you're wrong. Just that from where I'm sitting this aspect of it all is amusing.

C Nelson said...

 Awh! Here's hoping you two can sort things through and maybe find your way back together somewhere down the line.

C Nelson said...

 I'm over here wondering if his little fangirls who called Chele's house are now pulling straws to see who gets first shot. But I'm terrible like that.

Silk said...

Classiest ending I've ever read. Best of luck to both of you.

And Yes! To the book club

TrulyPC said...

:( Relationships are hard.  I respect the way that you'll handled the situation.  Enjoy your vacation.

Brenda Kay said...

"Oh and to the two folks who asked me if they could date David if he and I ever broke up..."  <---This right here is something that will cause MatureBougie to go from easy going and understanding, to straight up "lean in a bit closer so I can slap the damn taste out your silly *** mouth!" O_o Women who have the audacity to ask such a thing, seriously need a foot up in their behinds. 
This is a Friendly Service Announcement to All Lazy Trifling Heifers - Stop lusting after someone else's man and go find one of your own! 

In closing out this comment, my very best wishes to Chele and David that despite the breakup, you two can work it all out. 

Earthangel172 said...

Damn. I don't know y'all personally but I'm sorry to hear about the breakup.

Sending both of you all my best in love and life. Praying y'all get back together at some point (if the Lord says the same).  (Runs to the corner and sulk!)

Enjoy Mexico Chele!  Have a mojito for me!

CaliGirlED said...

"This is a Friendly Service Announcement to All Lazy Trifling Heifers -
Stop lusting after someone else's man and go find one of your own!"....I am a proud sponsor of this announcement!

Angel Blanca said...

Damn. I'm sad, but I'm glad I don't have to choose between y'all. I know the GA Boys are out of sorts. Wishing you an awesome time just resting.

Mo said...

Oh. No. I'm sorry guys. Like you said, you guys had amicable break-up, I hope you guys get back together in the future. You two looked great together ( from the interactions we read here on BnB)  *kicks empty plastic cup* I hope those two who asked about hooking up with him are not BnB folks, that is plain tacky. Looking forward to book club, enjoy your time Mehico.

Leon X said...

I'm sorry to hear about the two of you breaking up. My brother and his wife recently decided to end their marriage. The most important thing for people in life is to be happy.

Yofabulous said...

I too am sorry to hear about your breakup, but I applaud you both for handling it like mature adults.   I'm looking forward to the book club after your R&R in Mexico.

Lisalis said...

OneChele, thank you for your brave and open post. Wishing you love and light!

Tonda Renee~ said...

Interestingly, the response of the people that love Chele and David the most speaks volumes...So does the ability to walk away from someone you love without leaving trails of venom and crumbs behind... My love and prayers are with you both..

aishao1122 said...

*stands around in tear* but but...OH man.. should I say sorry since it's clear y'all left it the way grown folks do?? Have fun in Mexico, and I'll be in the Book club when you get back. 

Sol_dier said...

I'll add to the voices and say I wish both of you the best in everything you do.

Sometimes, everything is there but the timing is off, sometimes nothing is there but the time is right. Sometimes, through no individual fault, things just don't work out.

Whatever it is, I'm just happy to know that 2 people had some great moments and called time when they felt it was time for them, n0-one else.

Goodluck and good life to both of you.

MsJamie14 said...

I admire and respect you guys so much. Especially you Michele, because I'm sure you would like your "storybook" ending but won't compromise your needs just to have one. It takes real grown up people to understand that sometimes love is not always enough, and it's certainly not in a marriage. And I know it was not easy to come here and share this with us.

Who knows what the future will bring, but you both deserve all the happiness in the world, even if I doesn't end up being with each other.

 

Brittany said...

I hope you guys can work it out...he won't always be traveling, you won't always be as worried about health as you were before, especially now that you had your surgery. I hope you both can come back together once everything calms down.

Melzie said...

This ladies and gents is a great example of a long forgotten character trait called 'maturity'. Knowing what is good for us at a given time vs. following what others think is good for us is not easy but necessary in order to live life based on your terms. I'm a firm believer that fools rush in...and if a relationship is meant to be a re-evaluation of circumstances can't destroy it. Thanks for sharing, Chele!

keisha brown said...

but...but...
*my face reading this post O_O

SingLikeSassy said...

Sigh.

Anonymous said...

ahh-tee, ahh-tee, ahh-tee (tin man tears the wiz)... Best to the both of you...

bashowell said...

Aww dang.  But you're to be commended on the maturity it takes to do this. 

Also somebody really asked if they could...see...

Penni Brown said...

aw, i don't even comment enough to feel some kinda way about this news, but I DO! i'm sorry it didn't work out with you two. I hope your divergent paths lead you back to one another. 

Michele said...

The best to both of you.   Enjoy Mexico.

Heavenlyhoney25 said...

Hi. First time commenting..EVER. But I just had to.  I read this post twice. Hoping that maybe the first time was fluke. Like most people, I don't know you two, but from what I read in past entries...I loved you guys as a couple. I wish you both nothing but the best. I'm nearing the end of my late-twenties, and as a "not so mature yet" woman, I'm hoping I can handle future situations in a classy and dignified manner like you. PS--also looking forward to the bookclub. Lastly--hello to all of the regular commenters--you guys make my day!

CaliGirlED said...

Hey HH, welcome! Sorry your first comment had to be on this post, but that just goes to show how much impact this relationship had on us here in BougieLand along with Chele's openness and honesty. We are family!

Monica said...

I'm sorry to hear about the breakup.

Twirko Bangz said...

I'm late. I feel kinda silly for feeling some kinda way about the breakup of 2 people I don't "know", but I do, lol. *sigh* I am however really glad you were able to split in such a way that honored what you shared. It's no easy feat. Good for you both.

Marioned said...

Best of luck to both of you and as expected handled with class!  

As Maya Angelou said
“You may not control all the events that happen to you, but you can decide not to be reduced by them.” 

Mo said...

You are not alone, I felt sad too.

CorettaJG said...

Aw man! :-(

ichoosethesun said...

Sorry to hear this but it sounds like you both are in a decent space. Thank you for your transparency and enjoy your chill time. I look forward to hearing about what's next for you ;-)

Mykeia said...

All the best to the both of you. 
Don't worry about what other people think or feel.
You are both still good people.
Break-ups are hard...
Be well, be blessed and be you.

invectiva said...

Well, dang. :(

I was hoping this one would be the one, but if it isn't, I'm glad you and 3N handled it the way you did. Wishing both of you well in your future endeavors, whether they are together or apart.

Vacation time seems perfect about now. Glad you're having one and I hope it's good and relaxing.

Angela said...

Okay:-(

FullBloom said...

I was so pulling for this relationship.  :(

Jeannette said...

First the Fat Boys break up now THIS!!!! Ouch.... i was pulling for y'all.... i really feel for the guys... no more Chicken Tortilla soup for them.... i guess they feel like Martin when Pam broke up with the rich dude...no more Sky Box for Trey and the crew.... Have a relaxing vacay..... i'm sure there's one waiting in the wings... we know that Michele grows no moss under her feet! 

sherants said...

He tossed the ring across the table?!?!?!?!  Is that how they're doing it nowadays??  :(

Sorry about the break-up.  

The Bunni said...

sigh....I don't know y'all but I'm so sorry about the breakup.  Best wishes to you both & enjoy Mexico!

Cyn said...

You two of course know what's best for you, but I'm still a bit sad.  I know how important happiness is and I'm glad that you both value it enough to choose it, even when it couldn't have been easy.

Wishing you both the best and I am looking forward to the book club.

The_A said...

Ok. I'm still all brokeded up about the two of you & I'm very glad I'm not the only one feel some kinda way about two stranger's relationship. I wish you both all the best.

*group hug to everyone in Bougieland & especially the fellas* People we will get through this together even though its not about us but it is kinda but not really.
So, um... yeah about that book club. When do you expect this to begin? Sounds like fun & I don't want to miss that.

alvano richie said...

oops! so sorry about your break up,Best of luck:)
 http://www.apparelnbags.com/hanes

Mina B. said...

I've been away for a minute and I came back looking for fresh bouge. 

:( 
I'm feeling all sad like and I don't know ya'll but any who I'm so sorry that things didn't work out but I wish you both the very very best. 

Kimberly Mullin said...

It's good to hear that this couple were able to made up their mind before they decided to get married, because a  west palm beach divorce lawyer told me that, majority of the cases she handled were caused by miscommunication and lack of proper understanding between the both parties. At least, the couple from above figured things out by themselves before bringing their relationship into the next level.

Daniel Swifts said...

I’m sorry about the breakup between you and your boyfriend. Good thing there’s no violent scene that your boyfriend does. But when he does something bad against to you, you should have serious crime lawyers to protect you.

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