Wednesday, June 13, 2012

If you just admit it, is it better in the long run?


One of the things that I hate about these so-called "celebrity" scandals is that there is so much damn wordsmithing. Let's take for instance the curious case of Creflo Dollar. I'm going to set aside the history of me and Pastor Dollar. Okay, I'm not. My ex - PsychoMike, loved him some Creflo. Sent checks, dragged us to see him when Flo-Flo D. came to Dallas, spent Sunday mornings and Wednesday nights with all the TVs in his house tuned in so he could head bob and agree with everything Creflo said. Me? Not so much. I never got that "authentic sanctification vibe" from Cref. Something about him came across as a little too packaged for my taste. I declined to worship alongside PsychoMike at the Dollar altar. 

When PsychoMike and I split for the very last time he told me that one of the many, many reasons (besides the fact that he was CRAY-ZEE) we could not work out was because he was convinced that I was going to hell. Yep, straight to Lucifer's Up All Night Tavern for me. One of the many, many reasons he knew I was Hades-bound was because I did not support, laud and applaud Dollar Flo Dollar. No, I'm not joking. So that's my background with Flo-Dizzle. Not that it's relevant here, just a little color commentary for you.

When the reports first trickled out that C-Dreezy was hauled off to jail at 2:00 in the a.m for attempted filicide  (okay, I'm being fancy, he allegedly attacked/choked/beat his fifteen year old daughter during an argument about a party that she wanted to attend), I didn't pay too much attention. When he tweeted, "The fight has already been won," I thought his word choice was ill-advised and felt compelled to frown at the timing and lingo.

I decided to wait until a few more facts came out prior to full-scale commenting. For various reasons:
1) I don't have kids and therefore trying not to pontificate about parenting
2) Arguing correct forms of kids' punishment is a no-win debate especially if #1 applies 
3) I like for 24-48 of news cycle to settle in before I start forming opinions and 
4) You never really know all the facts... goings-on behind closed doors and what not.

Now that Creflo has responded (see this great article by @CarolynEdgar about it), you know what I really wish?

I wish that when people get caught in these situations, they would just shoot straight. I would love for folks to just own it for once. I would love for Creflo to say - "Teenagers can hop up and down on your last nerve, I lost it and I know it was wrong. I ask for God's forgiveness and your understanding during this difficult time." Done. Don't come at me Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego talking about you are being tested by fire. That's preachy rhetoric that reflects poorly on the speaker. 

Just once wouldn't it be awesome if the person just stepped to the mike and said, "I did it, my bad, I'm sorry, I'm going to do better." How about a mea culpa without the fifty-eleven excuses? All we really want to know is: did you do it, why and how are you going to make up for it? It's kind of like that Chris Rock skit where the woman just wants the man to admit that he cheated. "I know ya did it, just admit it." Nothing worse that knowing something is blue and having someone stare you in the face and tell you it's green. Seriously, isn't it kinda cathartic (although ill-timed) in A Time To Kill when Samuel L. Jackson's character shouts, "Yes they deserve to die and I hope they burn in hell." Okay then. Just speak it true.

BougieLand, what do you think? Is it better to just fess up to your crimes and/or misdeeds or should you just "deny, deny, deny" and take the truth to the grave? Hmm, guess it depends on the crime/misdeed, huh? Share your thoughts on crimes, truth-telling and Creflo...

73 comments:

iExemplifyKool said...

LOL @ the variety of nicknames you have to Cref. I have to agree with you. He should have came out strongly admitting that things may have gotten out of hand, apologize and keep it moving.

As a parent he had my support in disciplining his unruly child but now he tucking his tail about it? Not cool.

Max_Reddick said...

My personal policy for dealing with foolishness I've perpetrated is get it out there and get on with life.  The longer you argue and push back, the longer the whole issue lingers.  And usually when you just say, "Yes, I did it.  Yes, I was wrong."  It just throws everyone else off and deflates their whole argument because people are so accustomed to people denying even the most obvious faux pas.  

Pauline Bent said...

Pride comes before a fall and one of these days he will be screaming, "I have fallen and can't get up". I have four kids and I never once had to beat them down to get a positive result. 
Too often we become too busy for our kids and they are left to the caretakers to handle. Only when things get out of control we want to become parents. Mr. Dollar and his wife got too involve with the church hype that they thought that would have been enough to keep their kids brain washed and in line. What they fail to understand, not all kids are the same and it only takes one to see through all that hype and challenge them. He is so puffed up with self he has no room for God Spirit!!! 

GrownAzzMan said...

First of all, I am not opposed to folks 'fessing' up as you say unless there are criminal proceedings pending as there are in this case. Not the time to be admitting anything. I think it would be best to say nothing which I am sure his lawyer advised but you probably can't do that as a public figure in the facebook/huffpost/twitter age hence the damage control.

Second, I am the father of a 16 year old daughter. Fortunately I have not had to raise a hand to her because she is not that kind of kid but I have witnessed some behavior in others that was imminently slapworthy. What is a father to do?

We don't know everything that happened in this case but we do know that the altercation came as a 15 year old was trying to leave the house at ONE AM to go to a party! Yes a 15 year old. I must have missed the memo when this became OK. One is a reasonable curfew IMO not time to roll out. I will be watching to see how this case plays out. Yes parents can go too far but until the rest of us want to be responsible for undisciplined 19 year olds we should not be to quick to condemn parents who are trying to set standards for 15 year olds.

To paraphrase the noted philosopher Christopher Rock, he may have gone too far, but I understand.

OneChele said...

A Max Reddick sighting, ladies and gents! :-)

thinklikeRiley said...

Wayment, you advocating self-snitching? No ma'am.
Hells no. Not never no way.
Bring me video, DNA and an etched tablet from Mt. Sinai and I'll think on it.
Maybe.
Riley out.

Grace said...

First of all- Flo-Flo D? C-Dreezy? Flo-Dizzle? 
BWAHAHA!

Okay now - when there is criminal prosecution involved, I say zip it. Let "No Comment" be your best best friend. If it's not a crime but a misdeed - it's coming out anyway - might as well tell it. If someone is to the point where they are asking, then they already know. 

CaliGirlED said...

 ALL OF THIS!!!^^^

CaliGirlED said...

 LOL & SMH

ClayJones said...

Never been a Creflo person. That whole prosperity doctrine looked like a grand hustle to me. 
As to your topic, now why would I want to admit to something that I may or may not have done?
I am not that evolved - Jesus ain't through with me yet. 

CaliGirlED said...

I agree with GAM's comment word for word. As much as I want "C-Dreezy" to fess up, for legal reasons he needs to keep quiet. But by keep quiet I mean shut eff up PERIOD! "Per legal counsel, I can not discuss the details of the incident at this time, when I am able to you I will reveal the truth of the matter....Now if you would turn your bibles to...."

Disclaimer: Y'all already know I have no sense!

Should Mya EVER EVER EVER decide to walk out of my house at ANY time against my wishes, let alone 1 AM (GAM are you sure it was 1:00 in da mornin???), all of the hell would break loose. And if she lost her mind and attempted to hit me, oh my Lord, I can't even begin to express the ass whoopin that she would receive!!!

Now I do feel that as a father (man) "Cref" should have shown some restraint with his female child, but displayed a little force none the less. What I wonder is what kind of discipline and teaching of respect took place in the early years. Because how did she conceptualize in her mind that this would fly? Or was her whole intent to set him up? I'm 41 years old and live in another state and STILL will not disrespect my mother. She said something yesterday I didn't like and I just rolled my eyes up in my head (of course she couldn't see me through the phone.) *snickers*

All of us have been teenagers and for those of us who are now parenting them, we know that strange things can happen. I only pray...

Rob said...

It really depends. Some things, it's easier to just come out with it - Yes, I broke two of the wineglasses we got for our wedding. My bad. I mean the glasses are missing, only two of you live there... I'll own that. Other stuff, well now sometimes women want you to admit to being wrong when you 99.9% positive you are not so...
That's probably another post, huh?

Cocoa Winston said...

I was a wild child but all my father had to do was give me a look and I sat my butt down. A man who can't run his household sure can't lead my congregation or tell me how to get to heaven. I'm just saying. 

CaliGirlED said...

 LOL yeah Rob another post! *whispers* Amy, girl you better check around the house for some other broken items! IJS

Bailey said...

Amen.

Bailey said...

This is my problem with these scandal-assed preachers and politicians - you show no discipline in your personal but we're supposed to trust you to run things? No sir. 

As for admitting guilt, girl - that's a not a guy thing. I caught a man still hip deep in a chick in my apartment and the first thing he said was "It's not what you think" 

Michele said...

Your color commentary had me rolling.

For legal reasons he should just shut his entire mouth.  I've raised two teenagers and I know how it is.  If my 15 year old daughter was trying to leave the house at 1:00 am ... honey hush, she betta not come back.  Ever.

OneChele said...

That's a whole other topic.

GrownAzzMan said...

Mya, don't let Jesus leave your mind long enough for you to try this at home...

BB Waite said...

I'm not so sanctified that I can't admit there have been times when Mr. Waite had to keep me from sending all these children back to Jesus. I agree with everyone who says that for legal reason he needs to say nothing. For moral reasons though, he needs to step down from that pulpit and spend some time with his family.  Really. With the other daughter chiming in and the story just gets worse? Go handle your home life.

GrownAzzMan said...

"Who you gonna believe, me or your lyin eyes???"

Caramel Jones said...

I'm a terrible liar. Others have the knack, I just end up stuttering and repeating myself. I always fess up, it's easier to just take the punishment and keep it moving. Of course, most of my drama won't land me in jail so... there is that. 

CaliGirlED said...

LOL!!! She knows I'm crazy (as she tells her friends) and was amazed when I pushed my truck out from the middle of the street. "Mom I can't believe you did that...I'm not ever messing with you, I've seen what you can do!"

But still, keep us both in your prayers, cause you know Satan is busy! LOL

Jesse said...

Right. Right.

Jesse said...

*fist bump*

CaliGirlED said...

"If my 15 year old daughter was trying to leave the house at 1:00 am ... honey hush, she betta not come back.  Ever."<----THIS

Troy said...

"Per legal counsel, I can not discuss the details of the incident at this time, when I am able to you I will reveal the truth of the matter....Now if you would turn your bibles to...."Done. That's all he should have said.

CaliGirlED said...

Naw BB didn't you hear that man say that his household is just fine! (Or some lie of the sort.) SMH...When you have a kid who thinks it's ok to go out a 1:00am, your household is DEFINITELY not fine!

Troy said...

Now I want a T-shirt that says "Free C-Dreezy"

Mo said...

Sir!

Leo the Yardie Chick said...

  I caught a man still hip deep in a chick in my apartment and the first thing he said was "It's not what you think"

Right, because there are a million other reasons why a man and a woman would be in that position. *side-eye*

Mo said...

I hope Mya is of age to cruz around BnB, because girl.... your mama  is no joke.

Mo said...

He said "etched tablet from Mt. Sinai"<------ see why our DOJ is stretched to the max.
CSI NY will have  you rattling with a quickness. LOL

CaliGirlED said...

Let me state for the record, I can probably count on one hand the number of times I have whooped my child (who is 15). However I've set clear boundaries as to what I will not accept from her. Every now and then she gets close to said boundaries, but usually a look or a few choice words and she backs away.

datdudeincali said...

Haven't commented in a while but I had to come up out of lurkerdom for a second. I have a daughter that I'm raising on my own and we're just a few years away from teenagerdom. Please do not let her fix her lips to even try and get near an exit door past eleven p.m. So far, she's not that kind of child. She respects rules and boundaries and thinks her daddy knows what's best. The day that changes, there's no telling what I am capable of. Truly. Maybe I should put a layer on retainer now. 

Next, the level of what I'll admit to is in direct correlation to the severity of the crime/misdemeanor I committed. And that's all I have to say about that on the advice of counsel. <-- a phrase Creflo should use and STFU.

blackprofessor said...

 This is why I love your responses! Even though I am not a mother yet, this captures how I feel!

blackprofessor said...

If there is a pending legal matter, I would have no comment until the matter is sorted out.  In interpersonal situations, I fess up. I am not a good liar and a horrible pretender so I learned a long time ago to fess up, let it go and deal with the consequences.

Mr. Skyywalker said...

Size XXL in black.

Mr. Skyywalker said...

Not hip deep?!

Max_Reddick said...

I am writing this from an undisclosed location.  Miss you though.  Be back soon.

Mr. Skyywalker said...

*drops a fitty in the plate*

Mr. Skyywalker said...

cosignage

GrownAzzMan said...

At least a million...

Mr. Skyywalker said...

Bonus points for proper usage of faux pas

GrownAzzMan said...

"Maybe I should put a layer on retainer now."
^^This

PatriciaW said...

Is is okay to simply say, "Ditto?"

PatriciaW said...

What I really want to say is (1) I am a parent of a teenager; (2) to quote Toni Braxton, "Nevah gonna happen..."; and (3) perhaps there was a better way for Dollar to handle this but now that's it's done and I wasn't there, let me say, "Please be quiet and handle your business in court in a manner that disgraces neither your family nor God."

Monica said...

 I'm going to need several dousings of holy water, prayer, and quite possibly the same lawyer datdudeincali has on retainer to survive the teen years. My little princess is shaping up to be quite headstrong (not a bad thing when her powers are used for good). Hopefully my little prince will be the laid back one.

***crosses fingers***

CaliGirlED said...

"My little princess is shaping up to be quite headstrong (not a bad thing when her powers are used for good)."<----A parent's prayer!

Monica said...

Gotta wonder what kind of precedent had been set for her to think  she  could go anywhere at that hour and feel bold enough to ask.

AppleBerryMIA said...

Wait... what?! You broke the Waterford?! Negro...

ASmith said...

Every praise hand I have is raised right now.  EVERY ONE OF THEM.

We live in this weird time where a couple of things seem to be at play: 1) People do exactly what the heck they want with no forethought because "I can just apologize." and 2) When they do apologize, it ain't a dadgum thing about what they say that amounts to an apology.  We need to go back to school on what constitutes being sorry.

So basically, folks wanna be out here acting up and out with no consequences and want to use "I'm sorry but I wasn't wrong" (WHICH MAKES NO DADGUM SENSE) as a get out of jail free card.  I'm not here for it.  Not here at all.

ASmith said...

"It's not what you think" is my most FAVORITE introduction to a bullshiggity statement of all the ones in the world.  That phrase comes out at the most ridiculous times... what do you mean it's not what I think?  Who cares what I think?  Let's talk about what I'm LOOKING AT.

ASmith said...

this inspired my recent fb status update.  preshate ya.

CaliGirlED said...

 I saw it and I agree! I was laughing when I typed it!!! "Satan is busy"

CaliGirlED said...

 Right!!!

chriscogmta said...

nah fam, it needs to say "Free C - $"  and if we can get YCMB to co-sign it, that's a million dollar hustle!!

Earthangel172 said...

" Now I do feel that as a father (man) "Cref" should have shown some restraint with his female child"

And it is for this reason (and telling Eddie Long's members to go back to his church) that I can't get with Mr. Dollar.

Earthangel172 said...

 *adds another fitty to the plate*

Prosperity doctrine = multi-level marketing, pyramid scheme, etc.

Earthangel172 said...

My daughter is 12 and there have been times were I have been mad as hell with her but I can't compute choking and punching her. Ever.

Although I'm not a fan of Mr. Dollar, there are two things lingering in the back of my mind. First, the fact that 15 years of ass whippings obviously haven't been working for his daughter so he needs to get her some professional help. Last but not least, what type of house is he running that she even felt comfortable leaving at 1 a.m.?

CaliGirlED said...

The right tone of a man's voice, should be enough to get his daughter in line! My father NEVER hit me, and hardly ever fussed at me, but when he rarely took "that tone" with me, I was actin right. LOL

C Nelson said...

I swear something happens to even the best of fathers (and Creflo never seemed like the best to me, but that's me) in their daughters' teenage years. The one and only time my father ever raised his hand to me, I was just shy of my eighteenth birthday, had moved out of the house, and he was so bound and determined I would not stay moved out that he and my mother forcibly kidnapped and beat me -- and I was the stereotypical good kid, the one who never even went to prom or smoked a cigarette. All I wanted was my own space.

A teenager has one job in those years, and that's growing independence. Testing your limits is what they're supposed to do. Your job as parent is to let them know where the limits hold firm, and relax them where it makes sense, until your kid can handle making those calls alone.  If you can't figure out how to do that without punching and choking your child, then okay -- but I hope you're not expecting, after the fear wears off, that that child is going to continue to obey you out of respect. It doesn't work that way. Less than a week after my eighteenth birthday, my father drove me to college in the morning, and I wasn't there when he came to pick me up that evening. I went directly from my last class of the day to a shelter, and that was the last time they saw me until they tracked me down after I had married and my first child was a year old. My Dad spent some time sniffling recently about not being there for either of my weddings, and I didn't say anything, but that's because "what did you expect?" seemed like it would start more trouble than it would solve.

Mr Dollar needs to hope that his daughters are more forgiving than I am ... but for their own sakes, I hope they're not. Father, boyfriend, husband, brother, pastor, whatever, any man who hits you to make you do what he wants you to do when you are older than the age of reason is not someone who needs to be an authority figure in your life. Bide your time, get to eighteen, and then run, is my advice to them.

Earthangel172 said...

 All.Of.This.

no comment said...

I wouldn't go that far because teens will be teens no matter if their daddy is a pastor, teacher, milk man etc. Your child is going to be who they are regardless of the parents occupation. All teens test their parents on some level. Some PK are wild child's others are not and that doesn't always have to do with how they are/were raised. 

no comment said...

There are 3 sides to every story including this one. I do think something went down but if she were choked out and punched she would have had more than one scratch on her neck in my opinon. I think the situation may have gone to far on both ends but we will never know what really went down. I do agree he needs to be quiet and sit down. I pray they can work everything out as a family. 

OneChele said...

Just reading this. Hilarity. Rob - please introduce yourself to a Solo Plastic Cup. Waterford is not to be played with. 

Slim Jackson said...

Though not funny, I can't help but laugh at the phrase  "hip deep in a chick." As a man of many euphemisms, this didn't exist in my artillery until now. Crazy short story though. I'd have choked someone for that. 

On the bigger theme of scandal-assed preachers and politicians, they're people at the end of the day. I'm not excusing their transgressions, but they're bound to make a myriad of mistakes. If they just admitted stuff (within reason, whatever that means), I think they'd be a lot better off in the long run. Carrying the burden of lies through life is not what's hot in the streets. 

Brittany said...

Honestly I felt like he did own up to it at the beginning of his sermon the Sunday after this happened. He said that not all of the allegations were true, but he admitted they got into it and emotions were running too high. I feel like that's too bad given the circumstances.

Brittany Geneva said...

I think he did a pretty good job of owning up...in the sermon he gave the following Sunday, he started right on the topic and admitted that things got heated and he did get into it with his daughter.

CorettaJG said...

This.

Angela said...

One of my girlfriend's favorite phrases is "maintain your virtue". lol

JoycelynC said...

 this! I am not a parent but I do know that I would be dead even today if I dared show such disrespect to my parents.  They ain't never played that and never will.  Hopefully he follows his lawyers advice and remains silent until this is all over.  He likely had to say something then because all the news reporters showed up to church or logged in online looking for a statement.  I'm willing to bet he went off script however.   

Rosalind G said...

As much as I don't approve of Creflo Dollar's ministry, I don't think he did what his daughters are accusing him of doing. As someone before me commented, if he had REALLY choked and punched her - let alone body slammed her to the floor as the girls also contended - the girl would have had more than one "superficial" (according to police) scratch on her neck. That fast-tailed girl jumped bad and HIT her father... and promptly got her behind handed to her, as she should have. Ol' girl was smelling herself and went too far.

And, no, I don't believe that Creflo should apologize. Besides the fact that his labor (however mis-directed it is) makes her lavish lifestyle possible, there is also the reality that our children are judged more harshly in the courts than white kids. If she'd gotten in trouble while out, the book would've been thrown at her. Had something bad happened at the party, and the girl was brought home at 5 a.m. by the police, Fayette County DFCS would be ready to snatch her out of the home and make and example out of the Dollars.

Parents, black parents especially, are in a no-win situation when it comes to disciplining their children. They are damned if they do and damned if they don't. If I were the Dollars, next year the girl would be going to MILITARY SCHOOL until she graduated.

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