Thursday, May 24, 2012

Why are you counting?


I think it was @VeronicaMarche who tweeted something yesterday to make me recall this guy...

I remember a second date with a guy a few years back. Over the appetizer course, he explained to me that it usually took him two dates or the equivalent of knowing a woman for an average of 17 days before he got them into bed. He went onto explain that most of his relationships lasted about six to nine months and over that course of time, he generally liked to average stirring the cocoa about five or six times a week. Sometime between serving up #60 and #80 women tended to tire of him. He didn't know why. Shocking.

I was fascinated, repulsed and totally through with old boy all at the same time. The only question I could ask was, "So you count?"

"Of course, these things are important to keep track of." Are they really?!

BougieLand?! With the exception of teenagers who don't know any better, long-distance lovers on a countdown or folks working on fertility/ovulation... I don't get it. Who counts days until, days in between and how many times over the course of a relationship? And how do you count? Exactly? Are there bonus points for marathon sessions? Do um.. multiple boil-overs of cocoa count separately? Subtractions for do-overs? And what is the point of counting? Tell me why?! Please respond. 

34 comments:

taut_7 said...

counting? after about the 3rd to 4th time having sex with a woman i start losing track. who cares really after that first time how many times you had sex? that seems really juvenile. like putting notches on a bed post. 

SingLikeSassy said...

That dude sounds like Rain Man. "Uh oh, 15 minutes to Judge Wapner."

thinklikeRiley said...

Wait - this is a thing? People really count?
They're doing it wrong.

ClayJones said...

My ex-wife counted.
EX wife.
Nuff said.

Monica said...

Five or six times a week for months on end. Perhaps they are not only tired of him, they're just tired period. Johnny Math needs to put the calculator down.

La said...

If the thing you are focused on during a sexual relationship with someone is counting the occurrences, tallying the minutes and hours, marking off the dates... YOU'RE DOING IT WRONG.

TrulyPC said...

I had never heard of such until I watched Waiting to Exhale when Angela Bassett's character was ripping a closet apart.  I thought that was just in the movies.  

Sasha Iman said...

"So you count?"



"Of course,(b) these things are important to keep track of." (/b)<----- This right here.The kind of people who count think cocoa (whether hot, lukewarm, or lacking in flavor), is the most important thing...EVER.  Ask that same guy how many dates/days on average before his relationships become exclusive. Ask him how much non-horizontal QT he generally liked to average per week.When you're met with blank stares and crickets, it'll be apparent only his cocoa stirrer concerned with mean, median, and mode.
 

Andrea M said...

Since we're talking about it - My ex used to count my orgasms and tally them like a scorecard. "That's three for you, one for me." Well now, you just took ALL the fun out of it. He had a running total going and it got to b less playful and more of an ego thing.
All that to say - no scorecarding please.

daisy said...

Maybe his problem was that he was counting days and times instead of inches and strokes?
I'll let myself out.

blackprofessor said...

 they're just tired period - I choked on my cookie, lol!

blackprofessor said...

Good Lord! This reeks of insecurity and I bet he had a breakfast sausage rather than a hot dog, which explains all the women bouncing on him. 

Foxy Brown said...

 i was thinking it...  *exits behind daisy*

mickmicki said...

 *thinking*

He is probably spending so much time counting the number of times that he partakes in cocoa that he is serving the same ol' tired cocoa.  Every single time.   Predictable, lukewarm cocoa.  No steamed milk.  No dollops of whipped cream.  Plain ol' sugar free Swiss Miss with fake marshmallows. 

I can't imagine why any woman would put up with him for longer than two weeks...He must have looked good on paper or was generous.

To quote the sage, Sugar Brown...I ain't got time fo' that.

MsJamie14 said...

iCan't with this topic. Fools play too much. LOL

invectiva said...

 Mean, median, and mode. <-- Dead.

GuessImJay said...

*reads and exits quickly*

Alonda Lord said...

VERY WRONG!!!

Earthangel172 said...

Who has time for that?! IMO, if you have to count, then you ain't stirring the cocoa right. IJS! 

Earthangel172 said...

  "That's three for you, one for me."

And I would have said, "Now tell me how many of these orgasms were fake?"

Angel Blanca said...

Makes me think of Dragnet: Dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb...

Yeah, no. Counting seems like a pure waste of time to me. Sounds to me like dude needed to break from dating (and counting) to figure out why he needs to find someone new so frequently, and why he feels the need to recount such information ON THE SECOND DATE.

Jubi The Great said...

Counting the number of times one stirs the cocoa? #doesnotcompute

happinessisme said...

did she say why? I mean, who thinks of that?

Evansaw said...

More into the conquest than the relationship.  Step off, Count Chocula....

C Nelson said...

Is he on the autistic spectrum? (That's a serious question.) That's the only reason I can think of why someone would count like that. It would also explain the oversharing, as boundaries aren't always understood very well; they're fascinated by the topic and naturally expect you to be, as well. My eldest is ASD, like his father before him; he's going to need a patient woman one day -- more patient than I am, given that I divorced his father -- because he's very very detailed, like most on the spectrum. Those who aren't ASD, though, have no excuse for that. None at all.

CaliGirlED said...

I can't even muster up enough energy to laugh at this the way it needs to be laughed at! OMG!!! Was he an accountant, statistician? What? LOL

"732! The number of times we made love! I remember when that bastard told me he was counting. Right after 51!" (Bernadine - Waiting To Exhale)

CaliGirlED said...

That was the first thing that came to my mind! Had to pull up the quote! LOL

CaliGirlED said...

 *lays over on pillow* I can't laugh!

TrulyPC said...

"732! The number of times we made love! I remember when that bastard told me he was counting. Right after 51!" 
LOL.  That is the one.  

Leo the Yardie Chick said...

Unless you're working in a brothel/for a pimp, why is this necessary?

True_joy said...

Just ignant...

invectiva said...

 Okay, I wasn't gonna say anything, because it seemed irrelevant to the thread, but my BRAIN is definitely a counter. It keeps track of all sorts of crap (mostly numeric) that nobody (including myself) cares about. However, once I grew socialized I stopped mentioning it. ;)

Singlelif said...

Counting ?  That right there is why he's still available to date..

Leo the Yardie Chick said...

 I've had the Count from Sesame Street pop up in my head every time I think of this post, and this dude. Poor Count.

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