Wednesday, May 23, 2012

Let's compare: Worst Pick-Up Places Ever!!!


When guys ask girls why they are "so mean" when all a fella is trying to do is say hello, I ask gents to look to your other less sophisticated brethren and point the finger of ratchetery exactly where it belongs. Some of you fellas could stand to share some of your cocoasmoothe with the raggedy amongst you.

I had reached my early 30s thinking that the dude who tried to pick me up outside a women's gas station restroom (like saw me go in and waited for me to come out to holla) was the tackiest pick up ever. Little did I know what the future would hold. So I present to you, without further ado my top three worst places where guys have tried to holla:

#3 The OB/GYN waiting room: Yes, I was in Dr. ViJayJay's waiting room when a dude who came in with SOMEONE else waited until she stepped to the back to slide down two seats. "Hey, am I encroaching on another man's territory if I ask how you doing today?" Everyone in the waiting turned to look at him like - fo' real doe, playa? Thankfully, they called me back and I never had to formulate an answer.

#2 The hospital hallway outside of radiology: Picture it. Me, less than 24 hours after surgery. Just finished a photo spread of my internal organs. Posted up in the wheelchair waiting for a tech to wheel me back to my room. My hair was doing it's best Bam-Bam impersonation. My lips were crusty from God knows what. And yes, I was rocking Hospital Gown chic, an oversize tent hanging off one shoulder while two blankets gave me a swaddled look. Anti-nausea patch behind one ear and morphine drip in my arm. So sexy. "Hey Ma, you waiting on somebody?" I blink blearily, "Huh?" "Just saying if you wanna break outta here and go do something, I'm your man." I blink again, "Huh?" He laughs, "Come see me in a day or two. I'm Willie. Everybody know me round here. I'm good people. Holla!" Off he went and I thought I dreamed it until I got a card from the hospital staff the other day. Willie signed with "get at me" under his name. And I repeat, "Huh?"

And the NUMBER ONE worst place I've ever been hit on... The luncheon reception at the church after my father's funeral. I stepped out into the hallway just to get a minute where I didn't have to smile and act like I was pleased to be dining with 400 folks when my father was fresh in the ground. Not thirty seconds later, dude my father's age came sidewinding up looking all somber. "Did you know Doc?" He asked. "Yes." I replied. "He was the best." He said shaking his head. "The best." I repeated. "You know, in times like this maybe you need something to take your mind off it all. Just cut loose." I side-eyed the hell out of him, "You think so?" "Oh yeah, I know this little spot up the street where we could get a glass of wine, talk about the good times." My Aunt Vi stepped into the hallway, "Mich, we're going to go." The guy took a step back. "Oh, you the baby girl. Little Mich." I smiled, "Um-hmm." "Oh. A-ight den." Dude took off so fast in the other direction I had to wonder what my father had said about me. I had completely forgotten about that until making this list. Classic. Holla-Man Cat Daddy at the Funeral - sounds like a play, doesn't it?

Bougieland, whatcha got? What's the worst pick-up place you've ever seen?

95 comments:

Michele said...

For me, the worst was at church.  I was visiting someplace new and had been there maybe half dozen times.  This particular Sunday morning I came in and took my seat.  I began to fill out my envelope and peruse the program when a man walked up to me and handed me a card.  I barely had time to look up at him and say "thank you" before he scurried off like a rabbit. I finished doing what I was doing and then finally opened the card.  It was an invitation to do something after church.  Well, he ran off so quickly that I didn't get a good look at him so I had no idea how to respond or who to respond to. 

T.M. Mathews said...

I'd say Blogger. I've had so many dudes via my blog try and holler it makes me sick. LOL

Jason P said...

*in Kevin Hart voice* Nooooo! Not at Daddy funeral!
iQuit.

MidWestDominicana said...

I have to concur with church being one of the worst pick up places. I used to attend a rather large church, but had been there from early on, so knew a good amount of the regular parishioners. Several new faces would crop up often. This particular time was a *ahem* "gentleman" from Nigeria. He seemed very friendly at first and quickly got involved in several ministries. People liked him and he was always smiling and seemed genuinely sane and happy to be there.

Out of the blue, he approached me (after about 3 months of him attending), pulled me away from my mother (literally) and proceeded to tell me that "God told me you were to be my wife. We should go to dinner sometime soon and get to know each other. In my country, it is not appropriate for me to discuss such things in front of your mother."   O_o  worrrrrrrd?!!!   
Did I mention that this *ahem* "gentleman" was at least my parents' age (probably older) and I was just barely 18...gwoss. Yeah, nawl, bruh....church was never an appropriate place (IMO) to be scopin out the honeys. No. Sir.

(Really?!! God told you that, huh?)  -_____________-

Andrea M said...

How about a dude tried to pick up a girlfriend of mine at HER engagement party. I mean really? REALLY?!

bashowell said...

Worse place? In Target in the lady products aisle.  While I was quite clearly holding a box of said products.  Smh.

Jubi The Great said...

I once had a guy try to holla at an "adult" store...AFTER he tried to holla at my line sister right in front of me & got shot down. Really sir? I suggest you pick up an item out of this assorted selection instead.

M Dot said...

reminds me of Boomerang when Martin said to the fellas.... "remember ole girl in the hospital? baby got her stitches out! "  bruh, no...let that woman be.

From now on, I'm signing all my cards like this here..

Sincerely, MD
get at me    

Tiffany Nicole said...

There's nothing quite like having a parent-teacher conference and your student's parent quickly turn the conversation with personal questions..."yeah it was nice meeting you, but I have to speak with other parents"...lol. Oh, but what!! How about the student came back to school and said, "Ms. Teacher, my dad asked about you!!" Yeah they didn't teach me about this in teacher school!!

taut_7 said...

damn chele. you really seem to be a magnet for bad pickup lines/places. i remember one time i was in miami with my ex and while we were on the beach this girl made eye contact with me and gave me the finger motion like come over here. yeah chick, i'm going to walk away from my girlfriend to come have a conversation with you. some women are really bold. 

M Dot said...

Does online count?   Because I had several of my associates inquire about my Father after I posted a pic of us on Facebook. The friends were my age; that's all I got.

CaliGirlED said...

I am dying over here!!!

My first thought about dude at Dr. Vijayjay's office was, he had to be there with someone else so when did he holla? No sooner than she stepped into the back. JUST WOW!!!

But THIS----> "Hey Ma, you waiting on somebody?", while you're in a wheelchair, looking like a patient WITH IV, has to be the Biggest Loser ever! EVER!!! Naw Willie! Just no! (Almost choked on my bagel behind his trifling tail!)

And for Cat Daddy, well what can I say, he was being true to his Cat Daddy calling! :-/

As GAM said, "Your life IS our entertainment!"

CaliGirlED said...

"Well, he ran off so quickly that I didn't get a good look at him so I had no idea how to respond or who to respond to. "...Probably because his wife was not too far away. :-/

M Dot said...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K-xKaax-beE

CaliGirlED said...

 Shut the front door!!!

CaliGirlED said...

 Nothing against women liking older men, but to come to for dad???  O_o

blackprofessor said...

The worst pickup ever occurred in a high school.  I was in a high school for official reasons and a teenage boy tried to pick me up.  He was like "I am young ma, I got stamina!" He was dead serious and I was speechless for about five minutes.  

CaliGirlED said...

I've been hit on by a Funeral Director before. That's all I got. Oh and a motorcycle escort at a different funeral. None of which I was in the mood for.

thinklikeRiley said...

Fellas have GOT to step dey game up.

Jasmin said...

The library. I worked there in high school, and one guy showed up with his girlfriend, waited until she followed the reference librarian, and tried to holla. So gross.

Another time, this really weird guy was like, "I've been watching you, and--" I cut him off, said, "Not interested" and ran to the children's section.

And two days ago a guy tried to pick me up at the red light, with my boyfriend in the passenger seat! As we drove off, my boyfriend said, "I guess I'm supposed to be your gay best friend?"

M Dot said...

yes, and the word being friends...as in more than one.

Monica said...

The lesson I've been getting this week is:  Thirst knows no boundaries.

Monica said...

I don't have a worst pick up place, but I do have a worst pick up move to report. Years ago, I was considering enrolling in a trade school. The enrollment counselor called me months later out of the blue to holla. Even worse, since it was a dry season in my dating life, I responded.

Turns out his place was the basement of his mama's house. Mama's house was also inhabited by about 417 other folks. I left and didn't look back.

***From the Young and Clueless Files***

CaliGirlED said...

 EXACTLY!!!

CaliGirlED said...

 O_O!!! Bwahahahaha

CaliGirlED said...

 Not nan one!!!

march pisces said...

*blink*blink*.....*gasp* oh my word (grabs chest like church lady)....

OneChele said...

Nothing like clutching some Midol, some Kotex, double stuff Oreos and Jalapeno Kettle Potato Chips when a dude is like "Hey, ma!" No. We will cut you.

OneChele said...

That takes major balls or gall or ignorance. Maybe all three

invectiva said...

 Son, stamina is nice. But do you have SKILLS?!?

Chance said...

Girl being approached at church is something serious! I had an episode like that. Dude wrote me a note that said "Call or text me anytime" with his phone number in the church offering envelope (!) while praise and worship was going on...WDDDA? How you gonna interrupt my worship experience with some foolishness like that!? And to top it off, dude is my parent's age, ewww! So not bougie. I dodge him to this day.

blackprofessor said...

I got one more for the party.  When I was in high school, I applied for a job at Brown's Chicken.  About three weeks later, the crew chief called me talking about "We are not hiring but can I take you out?"  I was like "Um no!"  Why did he continue to call me for at least four weeks?

blackprofessor said...

That is a t-shirt??

invectiva said...

I'm in several bands so I pretty much get hit on by drunk people who see me on stage all the time. A creepy man will look me up and down and say something inspiring like, "You got great lungs."  O_o 

And yeah, I know that it appears that I'm at the bar to have a good time, but I have to point out... it's WORK. I'm at WORK. Don't try to get me to come home with you, go hit up my very public Facebook music page, and impress me with your clever wit over a lengthy span of interaction. Here and now, not the time.

Hands down best, though? When I worked as an EMT, I got a lot of calls for transporting psych patients. I've had at least two male psych patients want to get with me *after* they were released from involuntary psych lockdown (!!!), and one female psych patient who wanted to get it on right there in the back of truck with me, while my partner drove.  "Oh, um... thank you for the offer, but no." 

TrulyPC said...

Yeah.  There are some guys that just. don't. care.   I have had my share of the 'fresh meat' attack at churches and always attracting every lush at every function.  But my uncomfortable experience took place in the dentist office by the dentist as he was checking my teeth.  

ClayJones said...

I have one for the fellas. How about I was getting arrested (long story involving me, the ex and unpaid tickets) and halfway through booking the officer is grinning at me sideways saying - maybe we can work something out, you and me?
"I'm flattered ma'am but what's the fine?" I don't play with po-po like that. She was kinda cute too.

OneChele said...

Okay - the police station is new one. #GetItClay

OneChele said...

Oh. No.

MsJamie14 said...

I was drawing a blank until bashowell's Target story.

Basically dude came up to me in the frozen food aisle as I was perusing over the Blue Bell ice cream selections and told me if he was my man, I wouldn't have to drown my sorrows in the bottom of a pint of ice cream o_O. Dude had clearly seen way too many bad sitcoms.

Didn't know I had any sorrows, I just wanted some ice cream for after dinner. *shrugs*

MsJamie14 said...

Bet he couldn't spell "stamina." Boy bye!

MsJamie14 said...

Oh, remembered another one: traffic court.

Paid my fine, was out the door, court baliff asked me to wait for a second, asked me to come with him outside the courtroom. Scared witless, I followed. He proceeded to tell me that he can help me take care of the fine (uh, I had already paid it...duh), he had a "hardship program" and gave me his phone number. "No strings," he said, "me being pretty was payment back enough"

Dude.

CaliGirlED said...

There's this man at mine who gives me the "I'm undressing you" look. I avoid eye contact with him now and when he speaks, I speak and keep it movin!

CaliGirlED said...

 \O/

CaliGirlED said...

 "You got great lungs." ...WTH???

"I've had at least two male psych patients want to get with me *after* they were released from involuntary psych lockdown..."<-----SLAYED

Mint said...

How about I was about to take an international flight, the man at the ticket counter said he'd confiscate my passport unless I gave him my phone number

invectiva said...

 I'm just sayin', the older dudes don't need training up in the same way. "I like my men like I like my whiskey. Aged and mellow." -- Little Esther (Williams)

invectiva said...

 What.

Ugh.

J B said...

 I've heard that "God told me" line from so many Nigerians.  Either God is that vocal, or they all learned the line from some Nigerian Steve Harvey wannabe mack.

J B said...

A few months ago on Twitter, I started a hashtag #BadPlacesToPropose.  Whycome two of the places I listed ended up in Chele's past?

LAX, TSA line, 6:07am.   Fortunately he didn't want a pat down, just to scan my phone.  When I asked him if wanted to scan both of them, he said, "Only if you'll give me the number" and smiled.

Sir, the sun isn't even up yet. I'm sleepwalking at this point.  I barely notice flirtation/passes/interest when I'm fully awake. Fifteen minutes later, I figured out what he was doing.

J B said...

 Guess he was looking for a breeder. 

J B said...

 A friend of mine met her boyfriend at her boss's funeral....they've been together for two years.

J B said...

 I seriously believe that some men think no = ask again later.

CaliGirlED said...

 *hollers*

CaliGirlED said...

 I'll take Skills & Stamina for $1,000 Alex! *snickers*

CaliGirlED said...

It can definitely happen and work, depending on your level of grief. But I look at those guys as opportunistic in that they're probably always on the prowl at the funerals they work.

CaliGirlED said...

 Because clearly you didn't really mean to tell me no! :-/

CaliGirlED said...

 *sighs* That thirst knows no boundaries thing is REAL!

Foxy Brown said...

imma have to go with a hospital room.  i was with a patient who was dying and, while i'm offering support and prayers to the family,  the dying patient's grandson was like "watchu say yo name was." #boybye

since @carolynedgar put hers out there, the worst place i allowed myself to be picked up...a strip club bathroom.

Michele said...

You're probably right.  Just raggedy!

GrownAzzMan said...

It's like sales. No=need more effort and information. IJS

Leo the Yardie Chick said...

Just about every crusty yahoo would hit on me when I'd be at the bus stop back in my UTECH days. >_< 

GrownAzzMan said...

Brothas gots to do better...SMH

Jubi The Great said...

That totally reminds me! I was driving home from MN to MI & was just outside of Chicago. I see a car next to me motioning for me to roll down the window & then they point to my tire. I think something's wrong with my car so I pull over to see what's what. So did the other car...and the guy hops out & asks me out! I'm like "you were motioning like there was something wrong with my car." Needless to say, he didn't get my number.

JoycelynC said...

LOL! This may have already been said but in court where the man in question is there on a criminal calendar.  Blank stare.

Leo the Yardie Chick said...

 He must be related to Chele's Sunday caller - no class or tact whatsoever.

Leo the Yardie Chick said...

 The HELL?!

Monica said...

 You saying no? To THIS? Naw you don't mean that. I just caught you at a bad moment.

***snickers***

Crystal said...

In the casket room at the funeral home while picking out a casket for my mom with my sister. SMDH!!!

Crystal said...

... and homeboy had the nerve to have a baby on the way!!!! WTF!!!

chriscogmta said...

at my grandma's funeral, an ex showed up to offer her "condolences"  and had the nerve to get an attitude when I didn't make time to kick it with her after she drove so far to see me!! really, you trying to rekindle the flame at my grandma's funeral?

And When the pizza delivery lady dropped off a pizza to my house, with my kids and wife visible from the door, she complimented me on the house and asked if i needed someone to help really make it a home.  #NOTIPFORYOU 

Leo the Yardie Chick said...

 "And When the pizza delivery lady dropped off a pizza to my house, with
my kids and wife visible from the door, she complimented me on the house
and asked if i needed someone to help really make it a home."

Letting your thirst run wild is a dangerous thing.

CaliGirlED said...

 What did you say/do?

CaliGirlED said...

 *hollers*

CaliGirlED said...

 Jesus be some water!!!

C Nelson said...

I don't have a new place (but picking me up in my doctor's office doesn't work out much better than picking 'Chele up there.) I do have a line. How about some idiot adolescent trying to hit on an OBVIOUSLY pregnant woman (three weeks before the due date pregnant) talking about "pregnant punanny de best punanny"? I was speechless, and y'all know that doesn't happen often.

Marioned said...

Picking my son up from after-care years ago and getting out of  the car.  A  guy trys to get my number quickly while his wife is inside picking up their kid.!!

At an old college friend's house of my late husband, right after he died.  The wife leaves the room and her husband rubs the inside of my hand and makes his move!

Marioned said...

Men love pregnant women!!  I had lots of guys hitting on me when I was pregnant. 

Marioned said...

Men love pregnant women!! I had lots of guys hitting on me when I was pregnant

OneChele said...

Oh. It must be said #NoCountryforParchedAssedNess

rozb said...

Traffic court. AFTER I paid my fine and got my letter to go to traffic school. I simply asked him if he was out of his rabid-assed mind and he said maybe, but he could give me a ride if I failed traffic school. I already wanted to punch a bunny in the face, and this ninja was trying to holla at me after emptied pockets.

rozb said...

Oh yeah...getting hit on by a Filipino lesbian when I was stationed in the Philippines. Was hanging out with my friends AND my man at the time. She sent a drink over to me. I politely declined. Then ten minutes later, she came and sat down on the edge of my chair and said I smelled good. I had to move to the inaccessible seat and spell out to her I don't roll like that. She said what happens in the P.I. stays in the P.I. I asked her does that include punching faces, 'cause I may have to punch hers. She left me alone but stared at me all night. My boyfriend and my friends thought that was too funny! Not funny at all.

Tonda Williams said...

DIVORCE COURT-After the final judgement was entered (on my birthday), my cousin (who was also my attorney) and I were leaving court and I heard; "Can I take you out to dinner for your birthday"?  I turned around and it was .....my freshly ex husband *sigh*. I was stunned, so my cousin said "DFKAH (Dude formerly known as husband) you are single now goodbye" to which he replied, "But I love her and never said I wouldn't marry her again, so this could be our first date". I know...I know....*Le Huge Damn Sigh" THANKFULLY-we are the best of friends now. "Hey Boo" *waving wildly, just in case someone tells him I posted this*..bwahahahaha

Sangali said...

And you leave us hanging with that last comment?! That's not bougie, that's cruel! 

Leo the Yardie Chick said...

 Yea....this is how Oprah gets fresh material for 'Unfaithful'.

JojoRaze said...

  How about some idiot adolescent trying to hit on an OBVIOUSLY pregnant
woman (three weeks before the due date pregnant) talking about "pregnant
punanny de best punanny"?


Quit playing!  Is this real life?

JojoRaze said...

I am convinced these things happened to you for you to entertain us.  I am ROFL.  The pics you picked alone are belly-shatteringly funny.  And the dude at your daddy's funeral.  So inappropriate and so funny. 

C Nelson said...

 Swear 'fore God, it is. And really, what can you SAY to that?

CorettaJG said...

Honestly!

Mint said...

At first I just gawked, not believing what was coming of his mouth! My expression slowly but surely changed to a scowl and he handed it over.
My bf at the time, when I told him the story, was furious and said I should report him.

happinessisme said...

When I was a teenager I once had a dude hand me his phone number on the bus. Didn't say not one word. Scribbled some stuff on a paper like, " I saw you looking. Get at me." Didn't call him. 

True_joy said...

Dead

True_joy said...

I've been hit on at church and the hospital. However, the one that tops my list is the hit in my bedroom when a guy delivering my new mattress offered to come back and help me test it out. Really?? Get.out.of.my.house.now

Leo the Yardie Chick said...

 *head desk* Some people's Brain-to-Mouth filter needs replacing.

Anonymous said...

http://www.elevatorforum.com.au/viewtopic.php?f=21&t=101282
http://www.agroecologia.net/foroseae/viewtopic.php?f=7&t=380646&p=433552#p433552

http://vhs.edu.vn/gioi-thieu-ve-vhs-edu-vn-5/camiseta-del-real-madrid-1632/#post12015
http://www.jinjoy.com.tw/phpbb3/viewtopic.php?f=6&t=287608&p=758957#p758957

Currently, the Chelsea Manchester united from the league, 7 points behind first place, and they more than a game. Denfremmede de steder, de mere stil point f du for det billede, selv lad os giveden fyr lidt privatliv p lokalt Del Taco badev Husk, at det tager en bestemt slagspersonlighed if sig en stor, lodden dragt i fra andre mennesker,selvom deres identitet er skjult.


http://strona.med-star.pl/Upload/showthread.php?tid=304427&pid=322235#pid322235
http://www.ajmanprvs.com/forums/showthread.php/4333-Lesbian-Porn?p=24627&posted=1

http://stvault.com/forum/viewtopic.php?f=2&t=114434&p=140499#p140499
http://raovat.byethost15.com/forum/showthread.php?2344-camiseta-Inglaterra&p=8018#post8018

Anonymous said...

[url=http://www.abercrombieaff.us/]abercrombie[/url] sjhlx [url=http://www.opuggoutlet.us/]bailey button boots[/url] wiyrp [url=http://www.opopoloralphlauren.us/]polo ralph lauren[/url] conzu [url=http://www.hfnorthjackets.us/]north face outlet[/url] yievz [url=http://www.opuggoutlet.us/]http://www.opuggoutlet.us/[/url] athzp

LinkWithin

Related Posts with Thumbnails