Tuesday, May 22, 2012

Ask a Bougie Chick - So I'm Dating this Black Guy...


Ya know, every now and then I just wonder about folks. I really, truly do. I don't care about interracial dating, I have the whole United Nations up in my family - whatever makes you happy, do you boo-boo. But this letter right here? It threatened to bring out my inner Shaniqua and turn her a-loose... up in here... up in here. Partake ye of this missive, if you will:
Hey Chele!
I've been reading BnB for a while even though I'm not black or bougie. Hope that's okay. Well, that was stupid. Of course it's okay. You always say its equal opp and all of that. I find a lot of your stuff so funny and universal. I love the advice that you and the other BnBer's give out to the Ask a Bougie chick segment so I thought I'd write in as well.  
I'm 22 and about to graduate college and I've been dating a black guy for about two years. I really want him to propose this summer. My family really likes him, his is not so accepting of me. I don't know if it's a color thing or just me. And I know this sounds terrible but I feel like if he was a white guy I would know what to say or do to get him thinking about marriage. 
I kind of hinted about what comes next for us a few weeks ago and he said, "Let's see what the summer brings." I found a job not too far away, he has one year left on his business degree. I guess that means wait and see? 
He's dated some pretty impressive sisters before dating me and I can't help wondering if that's holding him back from taking the next step. Maybe he only wants to marry a sister? Maybe I'm confusing myself and making it into a big thing for nothing. What do you and your readers think? What can I do to get the ring? 
Thanks! WC/DC (White Chick in DC!)
Hey there. I'm just going to call you Clue because you kinda need to get one. There is so much in this letter that makes me want to send you to Diversity Sensitivity Training Modules 1, 2 and 3 that I hardly know where to begin. Maybe I'm not reading this right but are you truly thinking that there's some magic you could do to get a white guy to propose that won't work on a black guy? And furthermore, do you truly think we ("the sisters") are in possession of this magic?

Maybe I should have started with - do you really think there's some proposal magic? Some special series of events, dinners and sexual acts that will have a man belting out "Marry Me" from rooftops? Is your life a Disney film or a Nicholas Sparks' romance? Do you perhaps watch too much Dr. Phil or read too many "How to Catch a Man in XXX days" novels?

Okay, excuse the snark. Lemme ask you this - have you asked him what his thoughts are about marriage? Specifically to you? And in what time frame? Did you try going directly to the source before soliciting some random blogger who knows nothing about your boo? Or did you honestly think my sage, all-knowing, never been married self would rattle off a 10-steps to 10 carats for you? 

Pardon the snark once again. You came to me for help. Let me see if the BnB faithful have something for you.

BougieLand - got any magic answers for girlie? Ladies, want to share how you got your cocoa king to the altar (in 5 easy steps or less please)? Fellas, care to share an insider's tip on how to make ya'll put a ring on it before those autumn leaves get to falling? Anyone, anything? I got nothing...

88 comments:

Think P. Smart said...

Hey.  I live in the very area you're talking about.  I know a lot of married people of all races.  I only know ONE Black man who was engaged 15 minutes after graduation.  However, I know several white ones who were engaged, did marry and are still married nearly 20 years.  What am I trying to say?  Many Black men are not socialized that marriage and having a family in their early 20's is part of becoming a man.  What does HE come from?  Are his parents married?  Did they marry young?  What about his other relatives?

The other thing is the rather obvious observation that maybe he just doesn't want to marry you.  Notice the lack of uncertain terms like, 'right now'.  This has nothing to do with race or what his family thinks.  You're young.  So you probably still think 'good enough for a girlfriend/boyfriend' is the same thing as 'I want to spend the rest of my life with you'.  It doesn't.

Mykeia said...

Ummmmm...
So much to say so little time...sweetie this is not the relationship for you, if you feel that he is not that accepting of you.  Why chase after some one that is not accepting of you?  Painful.
You're 22 about to graduate from college, think about a Master's degree or go have fun until you're 25...keep it pushin'...all the best.

JohnKinTX said...

I'm sorry - I don't think this has anything to do with the socialization of black males. Of the group of guys I hung out with in college e are pretty equally split along racial lines of those who married in their 20s and those that waited until their 30s.

thinklikeRiley said...

For once I can say - dis ain't a black/white thing ma.
If you are wondering why dude ain't pulled the trigger, please hustle towards the nearest mirror and look real close.
You got issues.

Leon X said...

Sometimes a picture is worth a thousand words.

http://j.mp/KQcFMt

ishtar_79 said...

 "Many Black men are not socialized that marriage and having a family in their early 20's is part of becoming a man. "

I'm starting to think they are not socialized to believe this is part of becoming a man ever in life, but that's another story for another day.

Anyway, I totally agree with this.  I would also like to know why anyone would want to marry into a family that doesn't accept them.  It's extremely isolating and despite what some people would like us to believe, love does NOT conquer all.

Michele said...

Ignoring all the politically incorrect "Black Guy" stuff (Lord, please help her and her ignorance), why in the world does a 22-year old want to get married?  In my experience, if a man wants to get married you don't really have to guess, cajole or bargain.  If he wants it, you know it.  There is no magic.  Stop hinting and just ask him if he believes there is a future there. 

Ace of Rambles said...

I seriously just LOL'd on the train...and it was loud.

Ace of Rambles said...

What is wrong with people?!? Smh

C W said...

Well said.  I guess the simplest thing is to ask, but sometimes...it's not that simple.  Maybe fear stops you because if hear that they are not on the same page it can be devastating.  I guess sometimes you want a dude to show and prove, but I have found that just being brave and having the convo is probably just best to do.  Now...getting him to have the convo?  That's a whole other thing too...LOL.  Girl anyway, ^^^^ good comment.

bashowell said...

*ignores the ignance* My question is why do you want him to propose to you?  You seem to have a set order of things in your mind.  College, dating while in college, finish college, get married.  When does experiencing real life come in to play?  He is nowhere near ready to contemplate marriage.  And he shouldn't be - he's still in school and hasn't even begun his life.  Slow your roll and see what happens in the YEARS to come.

Reads4Pleasure said...

I have no words for the melanin challenged child, but hat tip to Chele for that Autumn Leaves reference. Now I'm off to listen to my favorite version (Rachelle Ferrell's) of said song.

Think P. Smart said...

 After I hit send, I knew the piece about being 22 would be ignored.  What 22 year old Black man, in the DC area, who can read, believes being engaged/married at 22-23 is an integral parts of being grown?  Thirty?  Maybe.  But 22?  Naw. 

MsJamie14 said...

Wow at this letter. Chele, if you ever want to implement a "you must be 25+ years of age to submit a letter to Bougie Land" I'm willing to second that motion. LOL

You're 22. Nothing wrong with wanting to get married, but to ask how to tip the scales in your favor, perhaps you need to live a little and learn to communicate with your man.

Who left the gate open....?

Lady4Real said...

"In my experience, if a man wants to get married you don't really have to guess, cajole or bargain.  If he wants it, you know it.  There is no magic. "<<<<<<<<<<<This right here is everything.  I have been married twice, engaged 4 times and never asked a thing about marriage, they each decided they wanted me to be their wife, when a man wants you he wants you and he will make it known, he will make it VERY WELL KNOWN.

Think P. Smart said...

People marry into families that don't like them all the time.  It makes life so much harder.  My good friend was dating a 'Black guy' whose mom didn't like her.  After hearing her go on and on about the mother not liking her because she was white, I was left with absolutely no choice but to tell her two things.  First, she is something of a b*tch and anyone who doesn't know her will be turned off by her initial behavior.  Second, his mother wasn't willing to award points to her just because she is white and pretty.

Lady4Real said...

This is not a black/white issue. This is a thirst issue. This is a case of too much damn Disney. This is a case of he ain't ready to marry you boo-boo. You could be black, white, red or orange. When a man wants to stake his claim and make you his wife there will be no doubt about it. In my experience when a man wants to marry a woman you know it, especially after a few years in, you know it, his friends know it, everyone knows it. Have a talk with him but from this snippet it sounds like he wants to focus on school, get established and then settle down, which is the smart and responsible thing to do.

CaliGirlED said...

 *hollers*

happinessisme said...

Word. Everyone is getting their undies in a bunch because a white girl is asking this question but it's kind of a real talk situation. Black men and black people in general, are not conditioned to put marriage at a premium. Yeah, they are young but there could also be other issues like I just mentioned that are coming into play. However, it doesn't sound like they've had a mature convo about this situation. If she really is interested in marriage then some real talk is needed. If he ain't ready or whatever she needs to keep it moving. 

happinessisme said...

But, is that still true. Like, how long ago was college for you? 

CaliGirlED said...

Dear Clue, when a man of ANY color says, "Let's see what the summer brings.", you have two options; 1) hang in there (read: hang on for dear life because he's on a mission) and see where you wind up in the pile of leaves in after Labor Day, or 2) run for your life.

This is not a Black or White issue. Don't know if I want to feel honored that you came to BougieLand to help you figure out the Black man or disgusted that you think that we would over exert our brain cells to figure out the Black man for YOU when we haven't figured him out for ourselves. :-/ (Guess how I'm feeling.)

bashowell said...

I agree.  It has absolutely nothing to do with socialization. A large group of us - black males and females were friends in college and half married soon after graduation and the other half (me included) are mid-30's and happily single.  The same for my hs friends males and females who were all white - half married soon after college and half still single.

ConvertingMe said...

There is no magic plan to "Make a Brother Propose". I think you have watched Two Can Play That Game, one too many times and hoped there was a homogenized version. 

A few things. It is very Midwestern/Southern of her to want to get married right out of college. I went to high school with dozens of girls who had this exact plan. Go to college, meet a guy, marry him after graduation, work four to five years, buy a house, start popping out babies, be a stay at home mom for ten to fifteen years, return to the work force, help pay for kids college then save for retirement, death. 
I live in the DMV area and ma'am, you aren't about to lock down a very young, single. college educated black man in this Urban area and enroll him in this life plan of YOURS.  

The problem so many women have is that they have a Life Plan and just keep switching out Dude A for Dude B etc until they find one who is willing to follow the plan.  

What is his Life Plan? Do you know when he wants to get married? Do you know when he wants children? Does he want children? What are his career goals? What is on his bucket list? 

You can't be planning happily ever after with a man you know nothing about.

SouthernWes said...

I got married at 24. I knew the minute I met her that I was marrying her, I just needed her to get on board. And I told her, straight out - I'm going to marry you when you're ready. A man who wants to marry you leaves no doubt. Black, white or purple.

CaliGirlED said...

 *drops a $50 in the collection plate*

Jubi The Great said...

The rest of BnB has summed it up well.

I don't understand this idea that women have that they can't bring up marriage to a guy, as if saying the word "marriage" is taboo. This isn't Beetlejuice, its ok to say the word. Its ok to tell him you want to get married, if that's what you truly want. But do you REALLY want to get married, TO HIM...or do you just think you should because your whole life you've been told to get married ASAP & have kids?

CaliGirlED said...

My friend's husband told her when he was 12 and she was 11! She laughed and said boy please!....However 10 years later, a few added and unnecessary other relationships, and they were married. They now have 5 kids who are all homeschooled. *shrugs*

EvolvingElle said...

Uh, I totally agree with Chele. WC/DC is coming to the wrong source.  Ask ol' boy; he'll let you know.  Heck, he knew 2 years ago whether or not he was going to marry you.  'Tis all.

TrulyPC said...

*I will ignore racial ignorance as well*  There is NO way to get a man ready to marry you if he doesn't want to be married.  No potion, illusion, ouija board or all-seeing eye exists to help with that.  There is NO secret.  A man that wants to be married has no problem saying it, showing it or doing it.  Go to the source and find out what you want to know but I imagine you already know the answer because men than want a wife will leave nothing to chance. 

TrulyPC said...

 "Let's see what the summer brings.", you have two options; 1) hang in there (read: hang on for dear life because he's on a mission) and see where you wind up in the pile of leaves in after Labor Day, or 2) run for your life.  <-- BOOYAH!  I would actually say #2 is more likely because a man than wants you as his wife leaves nothing to chance.

SingLikeSassy said...

I think this letter turned me off right here:  "I've been reading BnB for a while even though I'm not black or bougie.
Hope that's okay. Well, that was stupid. Of course it's okay. You always
say its equal opp and all of that. I find a lot of your stuff so funny
and universal."

But anyway, you asked for advice so here it is: Closed mouths don't get fed.

invectiva said...

 "The problem so many women have is that they have a Life Plan and just
keep switching out Dude A for Dude B etc until they find one who is
willing to follow the plan."

This right here. Do you want the *man* or the *plan*?!?   This issue really gets me hot under the collar, girlies wanting a man to buy into their immediate timeline and then drop-kicking a good man who might really feel the love but not be ready for marriage this minute.

I never met one man in my entire life who was sanguine about being pressured into proposing.

TrulyPC said...

A man who wants to marry you leaves no doubt. <-- THIS RIGHT HERE!!!

SingLikeSassy said...

  First, she is something of a b*tch and anyone who doesn't know her will
be turned off by her initial behavior.  Second, his mother wasn't
willing to award points to her just because she is white and pretty.

Damn. LOL

SingLikeSassy said...

My black stepbrother has been married to his right-after-college sweetheart -- a white (British) woman -- for damn near 20 years and they still look all deeply into each other's eyes and profess love all teary and ish at Thanksgiving dinner and just had their fourth son. She didn't have to twist his arm to get him to marry her, he loved her, she loved him and they got married.

MsJamie14 said...

*adding SouthernWes to the 'clone him' list*

PatriciaW said...

WC/DC, you hinted and he responded.  You didn't like the response.  Can you live with that?  That's where you need to start.  

Then you need to back off and enjoy the summer, as he suggested, to see where it might take you.  Dude has another year of school.  Maybe he wants to graduate and get his career going before marrying.  Reasonable for him, maybe not for you, which you will have to evaluate and make a decision about at some point.  Maybe he doesn't know who he wants to marry, including whether it might be you, or some other woman, black, white or other.  Not much you can do at this point except do you, which may or may not include continuing to be in a relationship with him.

PatriciaW said...

Hubby told me he was serious and marriage-minded on first date.  That was 21 years ago.  Dudes know.

Ivory Tabb said...

Because Mrs Thing is a 2520 she did say a few things wrong
but the overall point and the questions she is asking in her letter is valid.
She asking for help on how to get this man she dated for two years to marry
her, plenty of woman have asked that question.  Yes she may be a bit young but her question is
still valid regardless that she is a 2520.



She wants to get married cause she finished school and for a
lot of women especially 2520 woman that is how they operate. Go to school, find
a husband, get married right afterwards. Their mom’s send them to school with
that thought in mind. I’m from up north a lot of girls didn’t think that way
but when I got down south and saw bridal books and look books of dresses at
dorm mixers I  was like WTF until these
girls told me they came to school to find a husband. We come to school to get
an education two different thought patterns.



Unfortunately for her most black men at 22 ain’t ready to
get married and yes there are a few who break that mold but most don’t until later
on after their schooling is finished and careers are started.


She hasn’t managed any of her expectations through
communications and deadlines. She figured oh we been dating two years the next
logical step is marriage. I got a job nearby to wait so he just needs to ask
right? Wrong I’m sure that is so not on his radar. Might not even be that he
just isn’t in to her, im sure he has other plans and she hasn’t had a grown up
convo to see where she fits in those plans.


 

Lady4Real said...

Exactly, I met my husband in 2nd grade, we became good friends in middle school and he told me, I will be his forever. A few unnesccessary relationships and here we are, a story for the books and ridiculiously in love and married.

CaliGirlED said...

Girl anyone choosing door #1, gets what they get. Some options make your brain hurt trying to choose. These two, should.not.

CaliGirlED said...

 Wellllll....

Monica said...

 Mine did too. For real. We celebrated our 5th anniversary last month.

Monica said...

 "Let's see what the summer brings." To me this is code for," I'm not ready to take that step yet, but I like what we have right now."

When a man wants to marry you, there is no wondering about it. And quit hinting. Be direct about your wants and needs.

Monica said...

 "A man that wants to be married has no problem saying it, showing it or doing it." And there it is.

School's out.

Duchess K said...

Excellent diagnoses. Disney has corrupted generations of women's sensibility and independence with the fantasy romance propoganda.

M Dot said...

seeing the sermon has been delivered, I shall read the "Sick & Shut in" list. The doors of the church are now open

Lady4Real said...

Disney had me jacked up for a good minute. Damn Disney, they need to show what happens after the wedding. I want to see Cinderella cleaning Prince Charmings dirty drawers, running to the market, trying to keep her sexy while she has rugrats running around screaming at the top of their lungs while Charming appears deaf. I want to see Belle and Beast sitting at the dining room table trying to make the ends meet and barking at each other while they are honestly just frustrated with life and it's responsibilities. I want Snow White to pack up and move back in with the dwarfs because her prince is a jealous, egotistical maniac. Where are these movies?

M Dot said...

the "man or plan" struggle is real in these streets

Mo said...

Purple men too.... I guess this my chance with his Highness, Prince himself. Jokes aside, this girl I went to high school with, her husband walked up to her at a b/d party and told her "you are going to be my wife." She gave him "black man please look," 4 years later they got married and have been for 5 years with 3 bambinos.

Mocahgirl said...

I was going to respond with something similar but decided to wait in case I was crazy. I do believe the relationship dynamic is different among blacks than it is among whites. I have thought this for a long time... for example, if I am dating someone longer than 4 months, my white girlfriends want to know if we're getting engaged soon. *headtilt*  I personally think that white men move exponentially faster than black men, but again, that's a personal observation and thought process. 
I would run out of fingers and toes if I counted the number of relationships among white men and women in my personal life where they were engaged/married/knocked up/shacked up in months.  

I also think that, no matter the age, at 2 yrs of dating, some women might feel like that is a significant amount of time to 'know' if you're marrying that person. Many people get married or engaged at 22, 23, right out of college. Perhaps her friends are all showing off diamonds and then giving her the 'aww, how sad' face when she says her boyfriend is giving her the 'we'll see' face and making her feel like either her relationship is not real or serious and giving her cause for concern. 

If it's me, his answer would tell me what I needed to know and I would probably break it off. Maybe she hasn't out and out asked if he planned to or wanted to marry her because she knows the answer.   There is this phenomenon where people will ask for advice because they're basically taking a survey on what they should do or feel about a situation instead of going with their gut and what they already know to be true. 
I do agree that she should calm her pants, open her mouth and also adjust her expectations and gauge them based on THEIR RELATIONSHIP and not what everyone else is doing. 

blackprofessor said...

 Yall continue to slay me!

blackprofessor said...

 you must be 25+ years of age to submit a letter to Bougie Land - This was too funny!

blackprofessor said...

Nothing to add because everyone has the main points covered.

I find it telling that you are busy asking how to get him to marry you but you never said if you want to marry him.  Don't confuse a "man" from a "plan"! That is the perfect way to end up in a situation you have no business being in. 

Jamie Wesley said...

This isn't a black/white issue. This is a "he's 22 with a year left in college and isn't ready to get married" issue.

But really, this isn't even about him. It's about you. Why are you so hellbent on getting married NOW? This is the man you want to marry. If you can't ask him the tough questions now, how do you expect your marriage to survive?

What if you do get the gumption to ask him the questions you asked here?  What if he straight up tells you he's not ready for marriage and doesn't know when he will be? What then? You need to have some life plans that aren't about him or marriage.  You have no idea what the future holds. Your whole identity shouldn't be wrapped up in becoming Mrs.

IMHO, of course.

GuessImJay said...

Sounds like she needed to level set some expectations upfront. Take for instance, my girlfriend who moved in and announced "If you ain't putting a ring on it in 18 months, we'll call this experiment good fun and be onto the next." I laughed "Are you joking?" She never cracked a smile. "You got 18 months to try before you buy, babe."
Now see - that's a level set. And yes, I have one eye on the calendar.

OneChele said...

BWAHAHA! Okay, @JoyGrooves is not playing with you! Love it. 
*pulls out calendar and starts counting* 

CaliGirlED said...

Fell outta my chair, picked myself up and said, "Well damn!" Shiiiiiid, Joy was not playing even a little bit with you! *hollers*

MsJamie14 said...

LMAO. Go Joy.

I'm sure you're not even gonna need those full 18 months either! :)

ASmith said...

*clears throat*

*scrunches face in confusion*

Ok, Clue, or WC/DC...

I feel like we really need to all back it up to the part where you said his family isn't really feeling you.  Maybe you oughta have that conversation a little bit before we start talmbout marriage.  Does his family need to love you?  No.  But life's a little easier when the family at least likes you and maybe talking about how his family feels will let us in a little bit to why we're not talking about marriage (other than you just not bringing it up)...

Also, *clears throat again* are there cultural differences between you and your boyfriend?  Yes.  But if you're at the place of thinking marriage, I'm hoping you understand a good bit of them, at least, and therefore understand that men are men and when it comes to a lot of these relationship things they're still just men.

Sounds like y'all need to talk about a little more than wedding dates. :)

GrownAzzMan said...

WRONG.FOR.THAT.  I agree though...

GrownAzzMan said...

"This is not a Black or White issue. Don't know if I want to feel honored that you came to BougieLand to help you figure out the Black man or disgusted that you think that we would over exert our brain cells to figure out the Black man for YOU when we haven't figured him out for ourselves. :-/ (Guess how I'm feeling.)"

Everything in a nutshell...

GrownAzzMan said...

"The problem so many women have is that they have a Life Plan and just keep switching out Dude A for Dude B etc until they find one who is willing to follow the plan."
I have dated her...

GrownAzzMan said...

Something is wrong with you...BAWAHAWA

Angel Blanca said...

Well, damn. WC/DC, it appears you thought college was the key not only to a BA/BS, but also an MRS...it's not that serious, boo.  What, at 22, do you really know about life outside of school?  What's your career path/goals?  Where do you want to live, raise a family, and work?  What about the guy in question?  How might he answer these questions?

From what you've written, it appears you don't have a very good grasp of who you are outside of your two-year relationship with this guy, and you're putting all of your self, worth, and identity in being engaged to someone.  I would advise you to truly think about the questions raised above, and sit down with this guy and talk about the expectations you both have about life and the future.

Finally, I have to question why you wrote in the first place, as interracial relationships are not all that unusual, and you might have written to Carolyn Fox in The Washington Post to get an idea whether it's a matter of race, or if there are deeper reasons why he may not be on your timetable for engagement, particularly, as you note, if he has another year to complete his degree program.

SingLikeSassy said...

 I like how she is handling you. Make sure to post romantical wedding pics and e'rything in a his and her bougie post.

invectiva said...

 Daaaaaaaaaaaaaaang. *laugh*  Sounds like Joy knows exactly what she wants. :)

Moabmu said...

I respectfully disagree with "black men and black people in general, are not conditioned to put marriage at a premium." That's just crazy talk. Almost all the black men and women I know come from homes where marriage (whether succuessful or not) was/is the norm, and were "conditioned" to believe in the sanctity of it.

Angelle said...

At 22 you should not be worrying about marraige...He doesnt appear to be

mojitochica said...

Oh my it must be bullshiggity week; I can't wait to see what's up for tomorrow!  White Chick, make it clear you have a time table for marriage, and let the chips fall where they may.

Only1DivaC said...

Yes, you know I'm stealing 2520, right? I usually say pink people. LOL!!

no comment said...

I am on the fence on one hand I don't think marriage is something younger black people (esp. men I love yall all the same fellows) strive for even when they hit their 30s. I am not big on studies and stats but more people are living together first or long term before (if) they ever say I do. I know way more single people (from high school, college, work, church, life) than I do married couples in my age range. I have a decent group of male friends none of them are pressed to get married anytime soon and some came from 2 parent homes. I am def #teammarriage but I also feel if marriage isn't for you then by all means DO NOT say I do. 

Name all the black men you know who are ready for/looking for a wife? #ijs

Machelle said...

LOL!!! Oh how I LOVE Bouigi Land!!

Machelle said...

*Bougie*

Leo the Yardie Chick said...

 "But do you REALLY want to get married, TO HIM...or do you just think you
should because your whole life you've been told to get married ASAP
& have kids?"

There's the kicker right there. Is it him, or is it the institution that you're more pressed to join? I'm speaking as an unwed 28 year old who has watched former high-school peers marry at 22, and be divorced with offspring at 24.

CaliGirlED said...

Dear Clue, take this to heart, "And to give yourself some clarity, get outta bed. Although you didn't
mention it, I have a feeling you got to know this guy "carnally" before
you got to know the rest of him. Don't push marriage before you know who
you are really dating."

Brneyed1 said...

Didn't they though??  *plays Anita Baker's Fairy Tales for WC/DC*

http://youtu.be/2Oggujep_ZI

tiffanyinhouston said...

 You got yourself a real smart lady there, don't make ME wait 18 months for the wedding pics. That is all, I have spoken.

aishao1122 said...

had to google, then i laughed for 20mins nice

CorettaJG said...

I see Bougieland covered this one sufficiently. 

Evansaw said...

This girl should not be thinking about marrying anyone.

jerry said...

hah, really 
nicestory) u are funny, miss)

One Chele said...

 I cook my A off, and my milkshake brings...HAHAHHA! Just messin' with ya! But seriously - you may think you are color-blind because you are dating a brotha (Black Guy), but the simple fact that you feel there is some magic that works on Black men and not White men says you are not mature enough or ready enough.

And I know this sounds crazy, but usually, when a man's family (mostly women) do not like you, it means they see you are not prepared to be part of the unit. And you may not want to be, but you have to understand they can feel your attitude 10 miles away, and are not impressed.

Stop trying so hard, and just enjoy being a college grad for awhile. And to give yourself some clarity, get outta bed. Although you didn't mention it, I have a feeling you got to know this guy "carnally" before you got to know the rest of him. Don't push marriage before you know who you are really dating.

One Chele said...

Agreed. However, I still disagree with the "... not conditioned to put marriage at a premium" portion. Just.not.true.

One Chele said...

I swear you cold blooded dawg... LMAO!

One Chele said...

Ssooooo, I had to google "2520" . Wow.

One Chele said...

Anecdotes don't disprove what she said tho. That's like saying "All the Black people I know went to college therefore all Black people must have college degrees". Your experience doesn't prove the rule.

One Chele said...

I'm with you Ivory...  her delivery could've been tweaked a bit but what she asked is coming from a place based on 22 year olds  in her circle do.   They gotta have a man lined up by 25.

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