Monday, April 30, 2012

BMcK foolishness and the #StaySexyStruggle


[Disclaimer - I have long been a Brian McKnight fan. I will admit that I own the entire BMcK discography. I could write a series of books just from scenes in my life with a Brian soundtrack. Okay? Okay.]

So whilst I was away, the Secret Service got busted over Latin American heauxnanigans because they were too cheap to come up off a fiddy. Romney stopped hiding the fact that he's a bigoted elitist idiot. The NFL Draft was more "we'll just have to see how this all works out" than ever. Deion continued his public (and ill-advised) beef with the next soon-to-be-former Mrs. Sanders. And one of my Neo-Soul heroes, Brian McKnight, done lost his damn mind.

Out of all this foolishness, the only thing I truly care to delve into is B. McK's descent into "oh no he didnt"-ness. For those unaware, Mr. McKnight, noted R&B crooner (self-professed poonhound and "relationship expert") decided to drop a little knowledge in the form of a song. In the preview of an upcoming "adult mixtape" Brian shared with the world a tune he lovingly entitled, "If you're ready to learn" - just a little public service announcement to the ladies who need to be more in tune with how their vijayjays work. Yes ladies - Monsieur McKnight wants to "show you how your p***y works" and even finds a way to add catchy rhymes and dulcet beats. 

In the wake of a social media beatdown, Bri-Bri took down the video. But, I'm here to tell Mr. McKnight: I understand, bro. Setting aside the fact that you are not a gynecologist, a sex therapist or even still a sex symbol at this point... I still understand, sir. That struggle to stay relevant, cutting edge, and engaging? 

I get it, Mr. McKnight. I get it. Once upon a time, you were the shiznit (that word dates both of us, I know). Time was the mere mention of Brian McKnight and one of his songs had a direct gravitational pull on Vicki's drawers. They fell, they flew, they disappeared. Songs raced up the charts, women fell at his feet, people stopped comparing him to his older brothers from Take 6 and the world of Mr. McKnight was platinum plated.

Something happened, I don't know. I saw something where Brian was a judge for a Miss Apple Bottoms jeans contest and that's when I figured his career and his #CocoaSexy had taken a turn. Sometime after Coulda, Woulda, Shoulda and before Fall 2.0 (which though not his best was at least decent) - something went awry. Was it the divorce, the talk show, the corner turn from dude in hat to cap-daddy? I don't know.

Allow me to share something with BMcK and my readers that people find hard to accept. Time comes when you are not the hottest thing in the room. It's tough not to want to get that spotlight back. Believe me. For all of us women who strutted around daring anyone to hate on our fabulosity, the moment when you walk in a room and not every head turns (or not a single head turns) because someone cuter/younger/skinnier/more vibrant walked in behind you - it's a reality check. The ability to be okay when you don't get twenty head turns but get that one slow smile with the appreciative head nod - grownupness.

I was talking to a male friend of mine the other day who finally turned a corner. He was standing in the hottest club with the hottest girls, drinking the newest premium vodka and felt both detached and exhausted. I laughed because I've been there. I've been up in the club/at the party looking around wondering why I was there.

Not that we don't love a good party, not that it's not important to look your best - but please, please learn when you no longer have to be the life of that party. Please recognize that it's useless to be forty competing with a twenty year old. I was talking to my teenaged niece about this. We were discussing the lyrics of a Pussycat Dolls song (I know but sometimes you have to speak at their level) - "Number One chick when I step up on the scene." I related that the day would come when not only did she not care about being number one, she wouldn't care about the scene either.

There comes a time when the #StaySexyStruggle is real. We get real jobs, find ourselves in long relationships, have kids, gain or lose weight, tangle with family, juggle money problems, battle illness, stare down drama, bounce back from disappointment... it goes on and on. And with each thing, some of that #StaySexy slips away. Look, it's hard to step back into those stilettos when you've been rocking ballet flats. Fellas know that if they get used to sweatpants and t-shirt life, it's hard to put the suit and the dress shoes on. And really it's not even so much the exterior, it's the #StaySexy attitude - a mindset that you are the best that you can be and everybody better love it or leave it alone. Life sometimes erodes that. You have to hold on it. But you gotta learn to #StaySexy in your own lane. 

I don't care if you still have the body, a 50-year old woman should never be dressing like her 25-year old daughter on club night. There is an entire set of comedic routines based on that "old dude in the club" steez for a reason. Does anyone remember the discomfort when Justin Bieber and Usher did a song/dance routine at one of those reward shows about a year back? Watching the two of them - Usher looked liked a creepy older slower uncle. And Ush still has some sexy left in him, just not while standing next to a teenager. Like Madonna at the Superbowl? Madonna still has some hotness but the lazy gyrating next to people who weren't born when her first album dropped did not reflect well on her. Diddy Dirty Money? He looked dirty alright. Shall I go on?

Okay, on the flip - who watched last week's Grey's Anatomy? If you missed it, Chief Webber (James Pickens Jr) finally got his groove back (yes, I'm dating myself - stay with me) by having some super steamy grown folk time with Mama Avery (played by the still vibrant Debbie Allen). Now that's what I'm talking about. Grown folks don't talk about it, they be about it. 

Bri-Mac: What we do here, stays here man! (it does not go instructional on YouTube to piano accompaniment)  C'mon - that's like a grown and sexy anthem! But this right here? The crooning about ladyparts and how they work might be sexy if you were still 22 (I so very  much doubt it but let's move on) - but at 40+ it just comes across as a desperate attention-seeking stunt from that old guy at the club. Don't be that guy. (And for the record, yes - I called out Trey Songz when he thought he invented sex too) And in the meantime, #StaySexy, my friends.

Who understands what I'm talking about with this #StaySexyStruggle? Can I get a witness? What the hell was Brian thinking? Thoughts, comments, insights?

53 comments:

David Parrish, Jr.(Inkognegro) said...

When you stay in your age bracket...and keep it in house...you will be surprised how natural all this becomes. 

Nicole said...

Fresh bouge! YAY!! How you feeling now, Chele? And I could not agree with you more. Time to realize your ass is grown and stay in your lane because you are now an experienced driver. As my dear Trini mother used to say Brian has"torn up too my calendars" to be involved in that foolishness. Go take several seats and a spin in the rocking chair while you at it, Bri!

Monna said...

How I love  fresh bougie! Before Idash to this meeting, I love B'Mac myself, owns a few of his albums. I say find away of doing all that without coming out as a pervert, aka Marvin Gay, "let's get on tonight" or TP 'turn off the light. "

Rhenewal said...

Welcome back! No real comment on Mr McK and his utter foolishness with that video except that he should've known better and done better.

MsJamie14 said...

*sigh* Yes, this is definitely a cry for help. I had front row tickets to his concert in ATL last summer. The venue was literally 75% empty. In Atlanta.

I'm so sad.

Michele said...

I can totally understand the struggle.  Once BMcK understands the beauty of growing old gracefully he'll find some peace.  And that Grey's Anatomy scene was awesome.  Good for Richard.

thinklikeRiley said...

*sniffs back manly tear at the return of our Bougie Contessa* I missed ya'll, man!
*decides to man up*
Lemme raise up a candle or two for folks understanding age appropriate sexy. Yo' 40 y.o. sexy should be outclassing yo 20 y.o. sexy. 
Please n thank you.
Riley out.

blackprofessor said...

#StaySexy attitude - a mindset that you are the best that you can be and everybody better love it or leave it alone. - This is all that needs to be said!

I have never been a Brian McKnight fan so no comment on his foolishness. 

Cheryl Terry said...

Welcome back Chele. Brian lost me after his album Gemini & he was on 106 & Park. He was asked if his alter ego had a name and he replied Wes Craven More Head; I was outdone, especially for the audience he was appealing to at the time. I believe his recklessness became apparent after his divorce. Took away from his sexiness big time for me.

TrulyPC said...

Glad you're back!  I have been a BMcKnight fan since I saw him perform at a small club in San Diego back in 1992.  I played the ShouldaWouldaCoulda album to the point that my daughter covers her ears at the first note of any of those songs. 

I have seen him in three other performances since and the last time was it for me because of a vulgar interview that completely turned me off  from who I imagined him to be (via his music) compared to who he actually is. #IllusionFAIL:(  

The StaySexyStruggle is a hard bridge to cross for those that want to remain in their yesteryear.  I find refined sexy so much better than the raw kind.  Age brings all of the elements of true sexy together for those that are willing to embrace it.  

Oh and I am definitely 'Team Dr. Webber' getting his grown and sexy on! 

Leo the Yardie Chick said...

For the sake of my sanity, I'm going to tell myself that Brian McKnight punked us all.

Grace said...

 Oh. That is so many levels of fail.

Grace said...

He lost me at One Last Cry - I hate that begging-ass song.
Beyond that though - I understand you and the #StaySexyStruggle
I wish more women understood it is not necessary to compete teenagers. (Hello, Mariah? Let the Mimi wardrobe go - you somebody's mama now)

Lady4Real said...

Welcome back!!! No real comment, I was 9 when BMcK was hot in the streets, by the time my grown and sexy came around B had been gone.

GrownAzzMan said...

I really just want to say welcome back. You were missed. 

As usual you nailed all of the salient points in the post. Folks just need to stay in their lane or in some cases punch the proper address in the nav system.Thus endeth the lesson...

Guest said...

Welcome back Michele!!!!!

Angel Blanca said...

Welcome back!! I've missed my time here in #BougieLand.  I have nothing more to add on this post, except, I'm working on the #StayHealthy part of life, which will undoubtedly help me on the #StaySexy tip.

It seems to be working, too, as the butcher at our local store came out to walk and talk with me a bit on Saturday ;-)

Glad to see y'all again!!

DCbywayofCali said...

That "song" gave me giggles for days.  *pours a lil out for B. McKnight's career*

It sounded like a ratchet version of Johnny Gill's latest song "In the Mood:" http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MLYhNSKnodo

CaliGirlED said...

Chele is back!!! ' ' '\O/' ' ' ...Ok let me read this post.

AnthonyJ1167 said...

I heard the song and my first impression is that it was a joke. Him and a few homies were sitting around talking shit about their conquests and it struck a creative impulse and he put the shittalking to a music chord.
The truth is Brian McKnight is doing nothing more that giving an audience something they will buy. Its no different from Jay Z telling us 1,000,000x that he sold crack in Marcy Projects...and is now rich. 
Another sad truth is that Black music has been in decline for years. Its was declining before Brian...and will be in decline when he's an afterthought. It seems that the decline has made us accustomed to meaningless fluff. We are inundated with songs that amount to jibberish being sung over sampled loops from real musicians. 
The problem is not that Brian McKnight made the song, the problem is that it would go platinum if he released it. 

AnthonyJ1167 said...

And welcome back. :-)

CaliGirlED said...

 "torn up too my calendars"...Love that!!!

CaliGirlED said...

 Hey Riley!!! I see not much has changed with you, still dropping mad knowledge in two sentences or less! Love it!!!

CaliGirlED said...

 Get it Angel!!! #StayHealthyStaySexy

CaliGirlED said...

 LOL  at pouring a lil out for B. McKnight's career!!!
 
And as for Johnny Gil? Let's just say that I was mad at him during the New Edition concert a few weeks back because he just kept yellin all night!

CaliGirlED said...

Great post Chele, great comeback! As always!...How many names do you have for this man??? LMAO

I did not appreciate B. McKnight's song not one bit. Not so much because of the instructional aspect (some women don't know), or the fact that he is not medically quailified, but because of the vulgarity. Just not a grown and sexy sound.

Stay in your lane. Came across a guy who's looking for a woman between the ages of 18 and 50! Can we say he's recklessly driving all across the freeway!

#StaySexyStruggle is a real as the sun rises in the east and sets in the west! And folks failing at said struggle is even "realer"!

OSHH said...

I was NEVER into Brian McKight at any point in time and then the rumors of abuse etc sealed & certified his bama status years ago.

Uhm as far as staying sexy in your lane ITA with that.
As you get older honey things do change but you can be a fit, refined, confident, and sophisticated sexy and I am enjoying that for myself more and more as I am about to turn 38 in June.

I don't  have to do what young girls do nor do I want to, ie pointed nails=Rhianna or the younger style of dress, nor am I matronly, quite  the contrary but I am more confident with age and experience.

I am pretty fit but have some fitness goals I am working on going into summer here and GOD willing the month of MAY I am really going to go hard.

Enjoy every season of life people without thinking the best is in the past, no the best is yet to come!

GuessImJay said...

Brian done fell off. I'm trying to think of what circumstance it would take for it be okay for a guy to start singing to women about their women parts?
Nah. Can't think of one.
Welcome back.

bashowell said...

You know Johnny Gill's turning into Eddie Levert.  Melody all smooth and here he comes with "I LIKE WHATCHA DO WHEN YOU DO WHOOOOO".

guest said...

b-knight was never on my radar, but i will say if he felt the need to do such a song to stay relevant he should have hooked up with r. kelly. agree or disagree with r-kels he at least knows how to produce a song that won't totally make lose respect for him b/c of the song....


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D3ufEF45-J4

bashowell said...

Yay fresh bouge!  And welcome back.

Leon X said...

The good news is Brian McKnight appeared back on the popular radar. The bad news is he did it in the worst way possible. The video goes back to an idea I have. The idea isn't that we don't like liars, we don't like being in on the lie. When Wayne Brady did his Training Day run on Chappelle's Show was a classic because it showed Brady in a different light than what we were used to. We were all in on it and laughed. McKnight failed by not letting us in on the joke early which resulted in him doing more backpedaling than Morris Claiborne will do this upcoming season.

Ivory Tabb said...

Glad you back Mrs Chele, now on to Mr McKnight he is to dam old to be playing with us. Talmbout the reason he did it was he was bored sitting at home in a boot. Should have used that same boot to give himself a swift kick in the azz for  this mess.
The singer  Tank summoned it up quite nicely. He said the death of R&B is that Chris Brown and Usher are the only ones who get their R&B records played.  This lead to a discussion of Brian whom they felt must be feeling some kind of pressure to get airplay now that he is making dirty records.One thing he did get out of it though was he was asked to perform "If You're Ready to Learn" at the 2012 Adult Video News Awards (AVN).. 
Silver lining in the dark cloud lol!

Leo the Yardie Chick said...

 "(Hello, Mariah? Let the Mimi wardrobe go - you somebody's mama now)" <- I've been saying that since Britney/Christina were ruling the charts. Show the whipper-snappers how it's done, not raid their closets.

CaliGirlED said...

 Gerald Levert never "rubbed me the wrong way". LOL

Leo the Yardie Chick said...

 "The problem is not that Brian McKnight made the song, the problem is that it would go platinum if he released it." <- Ain't that the sad truth!

mickmicki said...

I thought that he was dead serious.  Brian McKnight has a reputation for being an arrogant, self-centered a-hole.  My friend was "the ultimate fan".  She hated him after she met him.  Unfortunately, he has to do something to break out of the "Whinin' McKnight" mold and give himself some sort of relevance. 

Why would I require Brian McKnight to teach me about my parts?  If I want to learn something new and interesting, then I could listen to Kandi Burruss' internet radio show.  She seems to be quite versed in that topic.  #shade  Besides, he is forty-something.  How old is the woman that he is messing with?  Is she so young that she requires instructions on how she works?

Unfortunately he picked the wrong subject, the wackest track, juvenile lyrics and a style that is opposite than "eagles forgetting how to fly."  If the song was "Let me show you how I work", then my thoughts would be a little bit different.

The absolutely worse thing in the world is to be the "old babe in the club."  What you want to do is be the "young babe in the old head club." Now THAT is an ego-booster!

lol

mickmicki said...

'One thing he did get out of it though was he was asked to perform "If You're Ready to Learn" at the 2012 Adult Video News Awards (AVN).. "

Seriously?  ROFL!

mickmicki said...

I thought it was just me.  I understand that he has sang the same songs for 20-something years, but there is no excuse screaming like that.

CaliGirlED said...

 None! LOL!!! I was just sitting there with my legs crossed waiting for him to finish.

Were you at the Houston show? Did you notice that the bouquet of roses that some disillusioned woman gave him were recycled and given out one by one to women in the audience? O_o

C Nelson said...

I just want to know, does he have NO friends? Not a one? After all these years? Because any real friend would have talked him down long before that mess hit YouTube.

As for the rest of it -- I just told one of my high school teachers the other day that I'm the perennial late bloomer. (Instant agreement from him, too.) I like it that way. I was never IN the club with the stilettos to start with, so I'm more than enjoying these days when everybody else in my age group is finally getting to where my mind's been since I was twelve years old, in wrap-around skirts and lace chemises under proper blouses. (Hey, YOU spend your formative years in Catholic schools with full uniforms and see what you're comfortable with when you get out, mm'kay?) It's not that the sexy goes, it's just that it's a different, more grown up kind of sexy.  ;)

The_A said...

It was the divorce that finally sent him over the edge. He hasn't written a decent song since. I remember hearing an interview he did back then thinking, Mr. McKnight get thee to counseling!
Oh, I'm still mad at the fool who posted the clip from Martin where he proposed to Gina with Brian singing this YouTube disaster dubbed over Never Felt This Way. Tisha Campbell's facial expressions are priceless!

Angela said...

You said you'd be back before we missed you. Not so. Welcome back! My lane really suits me so I'll just stay in it. I have a different destination than the folks in the other lanes anyway:-)

GammasWorld said...

Like the rest of the gang, welcome back.   I have never been a BMcK fan.  With this song he has crossed over into Cat Daddy-ville with Keith Sweat talmbout making somebody say ooh.   Once you get past 40, there are just some lyrics you shouldn't sing.  You become the old pervert I'll keep my daughter away from.   Not grown and sexy at.all.   
That's just a few shots away from being Eddie Kane talmbout "Nights like dis ....".    As I've gotten older, I realize sexy is a state of mind.   If you're still trying to "be like" the younguns, well Imma just assume your mind is stuck back there in "remember when land".   There's a time and place for remembering your "Men All Pause" days and it's usually a night out with the girls before you start yawning at 11:00.     

Earthangel172 said...

Welcome back Chele! Judging from this post, you're healing very well. Tee hee...

Drops dead @ the first line in the song....What the hayle is wrong with BMcK?! Call me a prude but I don't like to hear the "p" word. That mid-life crisis struggle is real! LOL

After turning 30, I've realized that (a) I refuse to be that old chick in the club, (b) I can be just as fierce in a nice pair of flats and (c) being sexy truly is a state of mind. I have no need to be the center of attention and I damn sure don't need BMcK giving me tips on how to work the middle. He needs to cut that dang mohawk and have several hundred seats.

DCbywayofCali said...

 I just saw the show, and Johnny sure did holler throughout his song.  Ralph says: "Johnny did you sell that CD?" iDied. 

The roses from your show may not have been recycled. He gave roses out the show I saw too.

rozb said...

Welcome back, Chele!  *doing Snoopy dance*

Who is still checking for "Shar-Pei Forehead" McKnight anyways?

tiffanyinhouston said...

Welcome, welcome, welcome back! (church lady voice)

I too owe a large chunk of Mr. McKnight's discography.

However, I am almost 39 years old. If I don't know how my vajayjay works at THIS point, then there is not much Brian can do to help me solve that particular issue and I should probably seek the assistance of a doctor, not an R&B singer.

CaliGirlED said...

 LOL!!!...Oh ok. I just know that when he got them he handed them to some guy who sat them on this platform. Then I saw them taking roses from that same platform and hand them out. So for positivity sake we'll say that the roses JG received were taken to his dressing room.

CaliGirlED said...

 LMAO at Gamma!!!

I know we had twitter, but there is NOTHING like BougieLand! Welcome back one-mo-gin Chele!

CaliGirlED said...

 I completely over looked the mohawk! No no no!!!

invectiva said...

 Sure, the song doesn't make me lose respect (and I like it), but the video? Kinda what we're talkin' 'bout here. Old dude in the club with two young hotties wearing skirts so high the drawers would show if they *had* any.   SMH.

invectiva said...

I'm late to the party, but welcome back, Lady.

The #StaySexy battle is real, but only because staying sexy seems to be unreasonably linked to staying *relevant* for women, which is a darn shame. My best friend is 15 years younger than I am, and we do a lot of the same things. (We met in a club listening to music.) Everywhere we go together, she gets all the looks and attention, and even people who have been friends with me for years will sit at a table with us, talk to me, but LOOK at her. If either of us was ego-affected by this dynamic, it would probably get all sorts of competitive and ugly, and that's probably what makes Sister Sheila raid her daughter's closet to go out to the club. Fortunately, it amuses me while triggering sociological/cultural discussions in my brain, and in the meantime my friend is fairly oblivious to it in real-time (and likely will be until she ages out of the hot zone).

No shade on hotness, btw, but I value wisdom and intelligence far more than physically droolworthy.

Oh, and... BMcK needs to sit the heck down.

LinkWithin

Related Posts with Thumbnails