Today's letter comes from a young lady with an unorthodox past who wonders how it will affect her future. Without further ado...
I'm a big fan of your blog and have been reading for almost two years. I have a question I was hoping you and everyone else could weigh-in on. I'm a 25 year old woman, college educated, well traveled, well adjusted,employed and all that jazz. I used to be a sex worker(escort mainly, though I dabbled in stripping and domme-ing). It was something that I did for about nine months while in undergrad. Do I regret it? Sometimes. Mainly no because financially it was beneficial but it was emotionally taxing at times. I haven't had much dating experience but have had a relationship since I got out of that biz. My ex knew about it pretty early in and was cool with it, though he's European so I don't know if that factored into it. Lately I've been wondering if my past will dramatically affect my future romantic relationships. I was very safe as a sex worker so no problems health wise. Should I tell potential significant others about my past? If so, when? Also, do you think that my past will be a deal breaker with most men? Any words you have would be appreciated.
"Scarlet" in New York
I know you've written in before about this and I hesitated to post/answer because it's not the bougiest of topics. However if I step back from the sexual aspect of it and think of this as "there's something in my past that not everyone will be on board with" then I can answer the same way. You should tell when the relationship starts getting serious. Far better to hear it from you then someone else and let's be clear, as my Aunt Violet used to say: the truth will out. It always rears it's head in one way or the other.
As for whether most men will have a problem with it? I'll have to put it to the brethren. I would have some reflection and thinking to do if I found out my boyfriend has a similar past. Let's put this to BougieLand, do you think Scarlet should tell her s/o's? Fellas, would have issues dating a woman with her past? Ladies, thought? Do share. But keep it bougie...