Wednesday, March 14, 2012

The Top Three signs that sumthin' sumthin' just ain't right


After talking about Brian/Otis/Brainard the other day, I was swamped with emails from women and men who found themselves in similar situations. Bamboozled, bewildered, led astray and stole on. It was enough to make me want to launch a show: "Who the Bleep was I Dating?" - I have enough material for at least three seasons. Hell, half of Season One would be my BougieTales of Dating Woe alone.

So it occurred to me that mayhaps we don't know what to look for? We don't recognize those red flags when they are waving so brightly in the wind? (Or maybe we do and just ignore them). Plus, it's been a  while since we had a Relationship What Not To Do. Therefore, I've cobbled together a little list for the gent and the ladies. If you see more than one of these going on with your new boo, it might be time to pump the brakes and throw it in reverse. Just saying. Here we go.

Three signs that sumthin' sumthin' just ain't right:

1. Money is funny - When you are first seeing someone, money should be a lowkey discussion. Who is paying for the movie and can I pick up the tip for dinner type of discussion. If someone comes at you out the gate either with a tale of brokeass woe or a bunch of ballerific bling - hold up. Fellas, first few dates and chick is talking about needing some help on her phone bill? No. Ladies, second date and he's buying jewelry? No. In these cases, go Goldilocks Philosophy - you don't want too much or too little - it needs to be just right. There's plenty of time down the road to get into his child support payments or your student loans. But anytime someone is either asking you for money constantly or giving you money constantly - something else is going on. Trust me on this one.

2. Job is sketchy - Unemployment is real. Underemployment is real. We get that. But if we've been going out for three months and you've had (and lost) five jobs - that's side-eye worthy. That whole "someone was out to get me" clause - only works the first time, maybe two. Also, if you say you have a job but you have all sorts of free time and no diggity dollars in your wallet? Suspicious. True story - chick told dude she was a bank teller at Bank of America. At some point, they are in a store together. The total comes to $11.18. She handed the checker a twenty and then argued that she should get $10.82 back. Ma'am... So sure, you can ignore that first seedling of doubt but uh... After that, the perennially "misunderstood" slacker gets tossed into the "can't keep a job category" and left behind. (P.S. People who work at the FBI generally do not go around announcing they work at the FBI - just a tip. Use ti as you will. 

3. Your name is what? - Okay, we all know people who have a few names. A person who is the III may go by Trey; if your name is Daphne, you may go by D. You may have childhood and friendship nicknames from along the way. You may have a Twitter name or have been adopted. Heck, you may have legally changed your name once. I understand if you reach a certain point in life and don't want to be Dick LaRue or Chastity Gaines. I get that.You may have been married and your last name changed. But if you are Jolene Smith and have ID in the name of Cassandra Martinez - Imma need some explanation. If you are known in California as Quentin James but known in Arizona as James Quincy - why might that be per se? Don't let they spy thrillers fool you. regular folks do not have multiple IDs in various names. They really don't. 

Other signs to look out for:
4. Baby can't stay the night... ever. People who cannot stay the night are supposed to be sleeping next to someone else, live further away than they let on, or can't miss  bed check at the halfway house/parole office meeting in the morning. 
5. Living situation stays iffy - first they live there, then leave, then in with relatives, then somewhere else. 
6. Too much love too fast - Sure I believe in love at first sight but I still say if you met someone on Friday and they want to take you home to meet the parental units on Sunday and move in with you Monday - beware. 
7. Mood swings - Hormones (female AND male) are not to be trifled with but when a person is coming across with more personalities than Sybil (Google it)- there's a problem.
8. No past & no people - No one comes from nowhere and knows no one. If everything about your new boo is a blank slate, you may want to collect fingerprints and DNA. I'm just saying.

I'm sure there are a million more I could come up with, but I'll turn it over to you. BougieLand - what's your red flag? What's the sign that sumthin' sumthin' just ain't right with someone?

145 comments:

Jeannette said...

I'll even add they usually have some hard luck story (ie. I was a foster child and abused, my whole family died in a fire, daddy left me high and dry) .... take your pick.  I've heard them all and these con artists have no low they can stoop to, to get what they want.

thinklikeRiley said...

*raises hand and jumps up and down* Numba 8, numba 8, numba 8!
How you 30 years old and ain't go NOOOObody to vouch for you.
Not one living soul to say you iz who you say you be?
Nah, son - dat's mad shady.

Like chick I met say she came up in da church house but don't know da first line to Psalms 23? C'mon girlie, that's basic church 101. Lord's Prayer, Amazing Grace, Psalms 23 - tighten up ya Jesus game.

MsJamie14 said...

Okay, but come on now...these things are huge red flags! I don't think I can even claim to be hoodwinked if I purposely chose to ignore such signs.

But I guess the stories in the inbox don't lie... Just a sad state of affairs tho.  

Trey Charles said...

Wayment - hold one of those episodes of "Who the Bleep Did I Date?" for me - let's see - what's the red flag for grown women who want to become rap stars? Women who want their dog in the bed with them - even during the cocoa? Women who meet you for the first coffee date and bring their parents? Oh yes - all true.

Trey Charles said...

Even non-Church folks can pull "The Lord is my shepherd" out on Jeopardy.

tishatweets said...

Okay that dog thing?!

tishatweets said...

I'll just say I've ignored red flags. Ran so many "stop, do not proceed" signs that SOMEbody should've arrested my behind.

Not anymore, though. I see even a piece of a tip of a red flag and I'm out.

TypeALady said...

@Trey ~ Poor Tink Tink!

Jeannette said...

Sometimes crazy is just that.... no fillers and no chasers.  LOL.

Jeannette said...

Maybe she was J Dub? LOL I don't think they read the Bible but I digress.

MsJamie14 said...

Just...no. LOL

TrulyPC said...

Hilarious!

ladymack said...

LOL....I had to laugh at that *tighten up ya Jesus game*

TrulyPC said...

 
I have to say that in my early 20's I was subject to be hoodwinked by one too many of the ones listed.  Being naive was a really huge sinkhole for me back then because I just didn't realize the epic level of shadiness that was out here.  The lessons I have learned!  

SingLikeSassy said...

What IS the situation with dude's hair in that second pic? Is that the last remnants of a jheri curl?

I haven't encountered much crazy while dating. I had one boyfriend when I was back in college ask me to co-sign on a motorcycle. I said no (have y'all not realized that I been about money bidness since I sprung from the womb?!) and he had a tantrum like a child. We broke up.

If anything, *I* prolly look like I'm hiding something since I take extra precautions thanks to reading one too many police blotters and watching too much CSI/Law & Order.  I use google phone for my number. I am vague about where I live (in D.C. is all you need to know until I have screened you). I will use the Metro to meet somebody so that they can't see my car and get my tag number. And since my married name is very generic, it's hard to pin me down via a web search. Stuff like that. I assume folks are crazy until they show me they aren't crazy.

SingLikeSassy said...

See, be on top of whatever game you in. If your lie is you are in the church game then get to studying the good word! Be able to rattle off some scripture and whatnot. (and no, Jesus wept, is not enough).

SingLikeSassy said...

 See all that would make me nod and go oh wow, how terrible and in my head I would be thinking, this ninja might kill me in my sleep with all them damn isshas, and that would be our last date/conversation. LOL!

Sol_dier said...

maybe she was busy doing other thangs in the church house... ushering....manning the creche.. :p

Sol_dier said...

Dog in the bed... during Cocoa? heavy side eye 

erm, that sounds like an invitation to some shiggity. Not judging but I'd outer there faster than Usain Bolt! 
No country for bestiality 

Sol_dier said...

Taking notes as I'm bouncing back onto the scene. 

My red flags: 
1) Unnecessary rudeness to people  in lower social positions
2) Constantly genders conversations.. 'You women are too x, We men are x' 
3) Anyone who constantly calls all their ex's crazy. You mean every single ex was crazy?  nah son! Nah.. 

bashowell said...

Last dude I dated...one too many warning signs so I bailed w/out another word...
He was a nurse. (Google pulled up a newspaper article w/his picture saying he was a phlebotomist)
He was a well-known DJ (at hole in the wall and even they didn't let him do their big events...with his case of CDs)
He owned two homes and was in the process of flipping them.  But they were a mess and he needed to clean up and that's why I could never come over to the vague area where he maybe lived. (various searches revealed that he owned no property anywhere in the DMV and rented a room...at age 47)
He had a little girl. (and a big girl...and a big boy...and two ex-wives)
His job/the mail/the bank messed up his check so could he borrow $200. (yeah no)

Star198109 said...

"Women who meet you for the first coffee date and bring their parents?"You sure she wasn't a little...um "special"?"Women who want their dog in the bed with them - even during the cocoa?" Wait...what? O.o

SingLikeSassy said...

 Or "y'all females" this and that. I *hate* that!!

tishatweets said...

Rented.A.Room. Oh, absolutely not. LOL

Not that that's ALL that was wrong with dude. Clearly he had more issues than a newsstand.

tishatweets said...

Yeeeeeeees indeedy! I'm listening real.close.like. to how you refer to your exes. Realcloselike.

ishtar_79 said...

I've only experienced one of those red flags in my years of dating.  It pretty much changed most of my dating habits and a man must be on point from day one because second chances are not given early on.  Even after dating for a while I play VERY close attention to the company he keeps and YES I do make judgements based on that.  If your closest friends are lying cheating scumbags it's very likely that your are too and I'm out.

blackprofessor said...

 I died at tip of a red flag! I am usually out if I see a pink flag!

blackprofessor said...

Chele, I think you covered it! 

One other red flag for me is disclosure of too much information early on. When one feels the need to disclose their baggage or personal issues on the first date, I bail.  Discretion, tact and social awareness are good things and the lack of these things doesn't bode well for a healthy relationship with me.  There is a time and a place for everything and if a grown-up man hasn't learned that, I chuck the deuces.   

 

BklynBajan said...

I went through so much mess in undergrad that I graduated with a PhD in BS detecting. I've been called too pickey or a "hater" (or whatever was the term for that at the time) but my initial take on potential suitors has ALWAYS panned out. Red flags are red flags that are always there people just make excuses to fit their current storyline. I want love just like the next person but I'll be damned if I walk with blinders on just to see what I want to.  Or maybe its just the Brooklyn in me....I'm not fussed by what you say but what you do and when it doesn't match up I have no second chances or excuses for the flim flam. I've long stopped commenting on the isht others fall for it makes my head tired.

GrownAzzMan said...

That right there is a pretty comprehensive list IMHO. The operative lesson is to approach each situation with you eyes and ears open. There are almost always signs. Ignore them at your on risk. As I always say sometimes. If it walks like a duck, quacks like a duck and smells like a duck, it ain't no mongoose!

CaliGirlED said...

 Dammit Riley I almost burst out into a serious laugh, with my OM sitting right across from me now!!! "Basic church 101" and "tighten up ya Jesus game" killed me, twice! LMAO!!!

GrownAzzMan said...

I just don't get why folks stay for the cray cray. Is it that hard to click NEXT?

CaliGirlED said...

I remember "straight outta Plano", still hilarious!
Bringing parents to FIRST coffee date! WDDDA???
Dog in bed is a no-no. Dog in bed during cocoa??? Does.not.compute.

GrownAzzMan said...

"and no, Jesus wept, is not enough"

See, that right there is wrong on so many levels.

CaliGirlED said...

 "He had a little girl. (and a big girl...and a big boy...and two ex-wives)"...DEAD!!!

GrownAzzMan said...

Wow on all of that but the dog thing though...WDDDA?

CaliGirlED said...

 "If it walks like a duck, quacks like a duck and smells like a duck, it ain't no mongoose!"...*hollers*

CaliGirlED said...

I ran into a #4 almost two years ago, "Boy bye"!

Met a #1, #5 and #6 combo a little over a year ago. Gave him consideration because of a recent divorce. Wanted to wife me up QUICK! No you are not going to use me to prove your first failed marriage was not your fault nor to get yourself a new residence!

Met a #6 last year, super clingy, so I went ------->!

Met a #1 (money funny or just cheapskate) some months back. You want to come see me but have to wait until you find a cheap ticket? When you come we don't have to do anything just sit and talk and get to know each other? LMAO!!!

Yep I sure can pick 'em! However, I also know how to throw their azzes right back! LOL! #NoToleranceForBullshiggityOfAnyKind

storm529 said...

After less than 6 months of dating, once had a dude ask me to co-sign on a house for him.  Co-sign on a house?  I was out so fast that his head was spinning.

Grace said...

#NoCountryforCarBorrowing - Never no more. Yours is in the shop, get a loaner. Yours is repo'd, drive your mama's. Yours is a bus pass, tell your story walking. I'm over 30. Zero tolerance for this.

Brenda Kay said...

My red flag - oversharing on social media! No Sir, no Ma'am and a heartfelt "please stop" with the detailed medical status updates complete with a list of the medications the doctor has put you on, the status of your bank balance and/or what bills may not get paid because the pay is a little short this week, the R-rated and occasionally X-rated cocoa stirring encounters that you've recently participated in and the porn-star like photos which are not sexy or attractive. All of that attention seeking behavior is fine for a teenager or someone in their early 20's. But when you're 40 or 50+, you have got issues I want no part of...

Troy said...

True story - Was seeing a girl for about 6 weeks. We hugged up in the post-cocoa afterglow and she asks me if I will look at something for her. Sure thing. What you got, boo?

She hands me a stack of mail. What is this? She says "my bills baby, you got me?" Sheeit - I left skidmarks on the carpet getting out of there. We went from cocoa glow to hell no in two heartbeats. DAMN!

Mo said...

Had to share this with a friend of mine, she  is of Asian descent. She has her American name and Chinese name.  On her Match.com she goes with her American name. Her current dude found out after 4 months  what her real name is. Needless to say, he did  not take it well, you know he googled her. He is in computer security too. She sent me a text saying "#3 is her all day."

Brenda Kay said...

Co-sign on a house after just six month of dating? Huh? Really? 

C Nelson said...

 Nodding at 1 and 2 turned into emphatic agreement at 3.  All those exes may well have been crazy ... after you got through with them. If you insist they were crazy before you, then your picker is broken and I don't need the complications you'll bring into my life.

Mo said...

I know for sure Calvin Johnson does not have #1 issues. Anyone has his contacts? LOL!

MsJamie14 said...

Oh we're sharing stories? LOL.

Yeah, so dude hit me up on FB. Saw a pic, was smitten, blah blah blah. I'll admit, those get the side eye anyway cuz all you have is my pic, you don't know who in the hell I am as a person. But anywhoo, I guess looks are the first thing you see with a chick in the library tho...so. LOL

Dude lived two hours away, but apparently was an attorney with a custom built home. The city he was in was rather dead, which is apparently why he was trollin for chicks via FB, but I digress. Mr. Google did verify a law practice, though I did have trouble finding a record if he was indeed a member of his State's Bar.

What got him moved quickly to the #cutpile is his almost obsessive need to come stay with me upon his first visit! Sir, I think not. Ain't you Mr. Ballin Azz Lawyer? Is the Marriott for a day or two not to your standards? (cuz if not, my home certainly will not be). Not only that, he did have a brother who stayed like 20 minutes from me! But apparently he was too good for that too. He also wasn't trying to meet at the halfway point between our homes. Anywhoo, I went ghost the moment he tried to sell staying with me with "you know I'm trying to establish a future with us." Huh? I guess had I been so in dire need of companionship maybe that would have won me over? Naw, player, we haven't even shared so much as a basket of Cheddar Bay Biscuits. Go. away.

Nick Notnikki said...

YOO!!!! I can't even BELIEVE this still goes on! She wasn't even delicate with the way she asked either.. Ewww... 

C Nelson said...

I'm ashamed to say, I married the King of Red Flags. (I was fresh out of my parents' house, had never dated anyone seriously, had Saviour issues out the yang ... I was dumb, 'kay? 'Kay.)

1) Our "friends" in common hadn't actually invited him to that party; he crashed it. He was tolerated more than welcomed. That should have told me something.

2) We couldn't go back to his place because "his place" was someone's half-converted garage. Somehow, that only made me feel sorry for him.

3) His admittedly-stable job? Janitor at McDonald's, where he'd been for five years. He was 27. No ambition to be anything else, either. While we were together, he quit the last job he's ever held or will probably ever hold -- and that was fourteen years ago.

4) His sad stories? Abuse, torture, abandonment ... all true, mind you, but I missed following up on how/when/whether he had ever taken the time to work through them. He hadn't. He still hasn't. Remember this part, it gets important later.

5) He told me upfront he was incapable of love ... and then proceeded with gentle, seemingly-caring seduction immediately after the warning. Knocked me completely off-balance. Turned out, that was a Thing he did ... because, when the girl's naive enough, it works.

6) He admitted with a smile to having "a temper" and "being possessive."

7) He could. not. STAND. for anyone to do anything better than him. Sulked for weeks over losing a game.

8) That temper? Yeah. Violence is not a turn-on for me.

Eventually we wound up in couples counseling, and during the second meeting with the psychologist, it came up that he had previous treatment records. During the fourth meeting, she walked in with those records ... in a file folder four inches thick. Hospitalised, put on meds, walked out on counseling, stopped taking meds ... again, and again, and again. Oh. That did it for me, finally. But it took all of that. My only defense is that I don't repeat my mistakes. I still do dumb things sometimes, but not the same dumb things.

Cocoa Winston said...

First 90 days are all side-eye for me anyway. Seen too many folks who started the game "a lawyer, house of my own, car, 401(k)" and one month later actually living in Grandma's basement, learned some legal terms at his parole hearing, borrowing a car from Pookie to get to the circle K. womp, womp.

Bryan Anthony said...

Whoa. Bruh can't get a post-cocoa sammich first?

storm529 said...

Yes, I couldn't believe it either.  

This happened when I was a freshman in college, so I know that I was pretty green and naive at the time.  Dude was older and apparently thought I was ripe for the picking.  But what he learned was that my mama did not raise any fools.

Bryan Anthony said...

I remember with zero fondness that dating life. I actually had a chick hand me a deposit slip and say "make use of that before five pm today sweetie" AND had the nerve to have filled in the amount. Uh-huh. But you love me for me, right? #next

JoycelynC said...

 even straight up heathens know those things.  She needs to develop a better story.   

motown_skater said...

if it walks like a duck, quacks like a duck and smells like a duck, it ain't no mongoose!

i have to snicker b/c i'm at work, but this right here is hilarious....

M Dot said...

but let it be known once we share a basket of Cheddar Bay Biscuits... we go together LOL

M Dot said...

I shall confirm your thoughts about dating life. Brother, not a thing has changed.

M Dot said...

Should it be a red flag when you know a woman makes good money but never goes in her purse when the two of you are on dates?  Thoughts?

bashowell said...

I don't share my Cheddar Bay Biscuits.  Get your own.  Lol.

MsJamie14 said...

Hate. you. LOL

ishtar_79 said...

Stories....Oh

About 5-6 years ago I met this guy, which I should have been leery of from jump because he was way too old for me, who seemed nice enough.  This old man became shady quickly.  He started telling me about his mother passing away and how he was fighting his sister over the house.  While I do get that he was legally entitled, I found it crazy that he was going this far when it was his sister who took care of their mother AND that house for most of her adult life.  Turns out he was fighting for his share of the house because he was flat broke and sleeping on his son's couch.  I knew it was time to kick this dude to the curb, which I promptly did after I had him move all my stuff into storage (I was waiting for the renovations on my next apartment to be completed and anyone who lives in NYC understands this ridiculous "timing your move just right" struggle) while I was vacationing on the west coast.

Did I forget to mention that he asked me for $500 on the way to the airport?  I didn't give him that, but I did give him half because I wanted to make sure my stuff got in storage.  I didn't even bother to call him when I came back a few weeks later.  I simply went to my unit to check that everything was there, changed the locks, and deleted his info.

I run into him from time to time.  His son lives in my neighborhood and he's still sleeping on his couch.

MsJamie14 said...

How much was the amount tho?

I'll see myself out. LOL

motown_skater said...

biting my bottom lip to keep from losing it....you on a level beyond hilarious.....

ishtar_79 said...

Depends.  Is it a red flag for you?  I ask because my aunt makes WAY more than my uncle.  She always has, but he would act a fool if she reached into her purse to pay for anything while they were dating because that was HIM.  If it's a problem for you then keep it moving with no reservations because it's best to move on before resentment sets in.

invectiva said...

 Whaaaaaaaaaaaat? I don't think so. #next indeed.

diamond life said...

Not unless she offered to pay and then didn't. I've had guys get insulted if I offer to pay.

diamond life said...

Okay!?

diamond life said...

Oh Trey - you are like you're own reality show, aren't you?

M Dot said...

It is.  And make no mistake, any place to which I ask a woman to join me for a date can be paid for by me.  However, I always found it sweet to at least offer at some point.  4-5 dates in and not even an offer to pay the tip?  Red flag.

diamond life said...

"Tighten up ya Jesus game" - DEAD! (but raised again cuz my Jesus game is tight)

C Nelson said...

 I'll tell you straight: if I bring my mother along on a date, it's because I truly don't want that date but I didn't think I could let you down and have you take it graciously. Ditto one of my girlfriends, my brother drops by, my cousin shows up "unexpectedly", etc -- I thought you were Schrodinger's Rapist who wouldn't hear "no" if I said it, and I begged someone who loved me to not leave me alone with you even in a public place.

Sol_dier said...

 If your closest friends are lying cheating scumbags it's very likely that your are too and I'm out
This. 
I'm just not to go the route of 'maybe he is the sane one' Water finds its own level. If you flow with them, then you are all part of the same stream. flow  ----> that away

Sol_dier said...

a whole house? not even a piece of it? the whole thing? #WDDDA

Earthangel172 said...

Sounds like she is a little selfish. Just my opinion.

Earthangel172 said...

Wow! ::blank stare::

tishatweets said...

Yeah, I think it's nice to offer, even if I fully expect to be told "Naw, babe. I got it."  I've never had a man be insulted by my offering, though. Or...at least he didn't tell me if he was. LOL

tishatweets said...

#game #blouses

Sol_dier said...

Mein Gott! I thank God and all the deities out there for your life.

Naivety was my name for a long time, added to a saviour complex and I was simply begging to be exploited which my first lover did quite nicely for 3 MF years. 

Sol_dier said...

WHAT? That cannot be life. 

tishatweets said...

That #6? no. I do not play right there. Hit a wall around me and see how fast I chuck all kinds of deuces. Further, if you've ever in life hit a woman #wecantgotogether. I'm not the one you get your second chance with, sorry guy.

tishatweets said...

Nawl son. No staying at the house that soon. I'll holla.

tishatweets said...

Where do they MAKE these women?! OMG! What part of your grown life is it that you expect someone you're not married to to take care of you? I know this is happening cuz men keep talking about it. It still just blows my mind every time.

Mo said...

Pretty much.

Mo said...

*real tears* She did what?

tishatweets said...

Yeah it was more like y'all COULDN'T do nothing but "sit and talk and get to know each other." Not on his dime anyway. LOL.

I also don't get what's so hard about LDRs or even LDD(dating)--I mean, okay, past the "I wish s/he was here right this minute" type feelings you have. I get that. Did that. But...plan! Gah! Grown, working, Negro, put some money to the side for that ticket you know you're gonna have to buy. I can see being on the troll for a cheap ticket if you wanna surprise your honey or something like that. But on the regular? Nawl. Plan. Budget. Getcholife.

tishatweets said...

"if it walks like a duck, quacks like a duck and smells like a duck, it ain't no mongoose!"

Say that!

C Nelson said...

 ... I broke him of that little hitting trick with a cast-iron skillet, I will say.  At least, the first time was the last time with me. #Ihitback, kthx.

Earthangel172 said...

dead @ mongoose! LMBO!

C Nelson said...

 Yeah. Sadly,we feed our girls so much claptrap about love conquering all, and never stop to think that our boys are listening too. Some of them grow up into manipulative men quite willing to take advantage of a girl who still believes in fairy-tale transformations.

mickmicki said...

*blushing*

Damn.  My last one was a combination of #1, #5, and #6.  See what had happened was..."The economic downturn". Homeboy was a mortgage person and he was "balling out of control in 2007", then "the economic downturn" hit.  It hit him all upside his head because he was living in his mama and daddy's basement.  On a mattress.  No box spring. No frame.  I never saw his sleeping quarters 'cause...would you want your girlfriend to see alla dat?  My friend (who has known his family forever) told me the deets.  ROFL!  Oh yeah.  Just know that if his mother cooks dinner for him every night, he isn't worth your time.

I would like to paraphrase Maya Angelou.  When people tell you who they are...BELIEVE IT.  If he says that he is an asshole.  Take it as face value and don't think that he has a self-deprecating sense of humor.  Just go on about your business 'cause I guarantee he will show you just how assholey he can be.  TRUST ME ON THAT.

Finally...If he asks you, "Would you say that I'm big?"   Don't think that his ex-wife was being vindicative and he is a delicate flower.  There is a reason she said that.    Just go on, say "no" and tell the poor soul goodbye.   You don't have time for that.  I mean really?  What do you say to that?  That is just a foreshadowing of a bunch of issues down the line.

Earthangel172 said...

(standing ovation) @ #1

Having been "the Help" for attorneys for a number of years, it is so important to me that I date and marry someone who does not think more highly of himself than he ought to. Great point!!

tishatweets said...

My daughter will learn the exact opposite. Love does not conquer all. In fact, it can make a open and shut situation real cloudy like.  And, when she's off ripe age, she will sit down with me and listen to Anita Baker's (not Disney's) "Fairy Tales" and we shall discuss. Just like my mom did with us. LOL.

Earthangel172 said...

As Chele would say...I'm giving laser beam side-eye to alla this! LMAO!

C Nelson said...

 ... That takes big brass ones, it surely does.

CaliGirlED said...

 LOL

Sol_dier said...

I dunno.
I always offer and actually after the first date I usually suggest and settle the 2nd date. 

BUT, some men get seriously offended. You could find a way to say something, cos she can't read your mind.
You've been paying so far, she could be sitting there thinking I feel awkward but I don't want to piss this guy off cos I like him.

Earthangel172 said...

I have nothing to add to the list.

Chele you are wrong for posting that pic of the ninja with a dry Jheri Curl! Can somebody pls get him some Carefree activator?! LOL

GuessImJay said...

I remember her! We coined the term - HMH just for her. High Maintenance H.. effa.

CaliGirlED said...

 Girl that "sit and talk" thing took me right back to the words of my best friend Derek, (may he forever rest in peace) about letting a ninja kick up his heels! No sir, we are going to get to know each other out there (read: not in my house)!

Sol_dier said...

If a guy or woman pulls you aside and tells you, that they cannot offer you anything - Smile and leave. 

Happened to me, T'was the last time dude saw me. After some silence, dude is still emailing, calling 2 years later.

It's not a compliment, it's not flattering, has nothing to do with me, more the fact that dude is not used to having women leave him and probably wanted me to 'sweat' him. 
No suh, Mi nuh ave time fi dat.  
You already told me you ain't got nothing for me. Thanks, I'm gone.

GuessImJay said...

I would add overly possessive, needy and clingy:
Ten text messages and I just left you at your house?
You need me to say "I love you" before I run to the grocery store?
You giving side-eyes to the chick at FedEx because you thought she was getting too friendly?
What part of the game...

CaliGirlED said...

 LMAO!!!

CaliGirlED said...

 He thought you were all the way stupid. He said forget a car, I'm going for real property! :-/

CaliGirlED said...

 "She hands me a stack of mail."...Ok Troy wins!!! I literally laughed out loud and my OM looked around!

"We went from cocoa glow to hell no in two heartbeats."....My stomach and head are  hurting from laughing so hard and trying to hold it in!!!

CaliGirlED said...

 And not just one bill, but the whole damn stack of them!!! SMH

CaliGirlED said...

 She must have thought her name was "Sunshine"! LMAO

CaliGirlED said...

 LOL!!! You stupid!...But pretty much because I DO NOT like to share my food!

Ivory Tabb said...

I have never ever ran into this BS, Im from the school of you lying first then the truth comes out later and that's very evident. So don't play games with me. 

But I did meet a man who has use me written all over him! He was seeing this chick who convinced him to cosign for her car, he said yes so now basically he is tied to this extra car note for another five years.
Mind you she has a job as a flight attendant so she could easily pick up extra shifts when money was tight to pay the note, well long story short she knows he will pay the bill when ever she doesnt pay so she barely ever pays.
Key word PAYS as in every month he has to come up with extra money to pay the note and loves to use that as an excuse to why his money is always tight. 
Sir you cant even attempt to date me when you paying another chicks bills and like to use that as an excuse on why we cant ever do anything. I told him you might as well get back with her for the next 5 years so you can  at least get something out of the deal. LMAO

CaliGirlED said...

 Janitor at McDonald's for FIVE years??? Talk about unmotivated!

CaliGirlED said...

 Girl you're about to have Mya listening to Fairy Tales tomorrow!!!

CaliGirlED said...

 I want to say you're lying, but I just read Jay's comment! GTEFOH!!!

CaliGirlED said...

 Yeah I know "heffa" was NOT the word y'all used! ;-)

Leo the Yardie Chick said...

I just watched an episode of "Who the Bleep Did I Marry?" regarding #2. Man couldn't give a straight answer about his job, or how he's able to spend big money like nothing, and Wife (then Girlfriend) just went along with it. *side-eye*

My personal red flag is when they flash entirely too hard, as well as being boastful for no good reason, with a dash of acting as if they're doing wo/men a favour for being with them.

Leo the Yardie Chick said...

 Wow, brazen much?

tishatweets said...

Girl! He couldn't be Assistant Manager in all that time? Head in Charge of Pouring the Fries? Nothin'?

Sol_dier said...

TOP Red Flag 

If you refer to women as 'females' - kindly move over yonder. I don't even want to look at you, let alone talk to you. 
Female what? cat?, tiger?, rabbit, sea horse? I have a name, I am a woman and I am not in military basic training. There is absolutely no need to turn me and people like me into some generic BS.
In a stadium of seats there is one with your name, kindly go claim it.

CaliGirlED said...

If you ask me out, you pay. If I ask you out I pay. If we're in a relationship, it can go either way.

I would suggest you stop taking this one out. But I gather you MUST enjoy her company because though it bothers you, you continue to date her. There is a "red flag", but it could possibly on your side.

SingLikeSassy said...

 This made me think of Rikki-Tikki-Tavi.

tishatweets said...

Girl yeah. It's time! LOL

SingLikeSassy said...

 No sittin' up the couch!!!

SingLikeSassy said...

 Wow. I...wow.

CaliGirlED said...

I'll add Overly Grateful...The #1, 5 and 6 combo thanked me 7 times for a dinner I cooked. When I unintentionally blew up (it just flew out of my mouth before I could grab it back), I told him, "I don't even know how to process that anymore! What does it mean? How many times can you thank me for one dinner???"...Needless to say he did not appreciate my outburst and got an attitude. Needless to say further that we had one other conversation after that one and never spoke again.

SingLikeSassy said...

What would have really been funny is if you had made use of it like Brian whatshisname from that other post made use of deposit slips and checks. I bet that would have taught her a lesson.

SingLikeSassy said...

 I think if this bothers you she's prolly not right for you. Not that a sister shouldn't offer to pay, I just think if you really liked her this wouldn't matter to you.

Sol_dier said...

lol.. so there was no 'after dinner' entertainment after that :-)

Sol_dier said...

this too.

Seriously, If you have to blog personal stuff do it anonymously (kudos on the alt therapy ish) 
What remains for us to share when you are sharing your all your trials and tribulations with the world.

No. there's letting it all hang out and there's really letting it all hang out. 
i chose neither.

Jeannette said...

Cuz usually cray cray got that good good

C Nelson said...

 He liked it because he didn't have to interact with anybody or even push himself at all; he showed up, did the work that was on his list, and then left. Since he was functionally illiterate, he could not have done any amount of shift or managerial paperwork, and he had less than no interest in the management training they would have put him through to get any higher post.  :/ It wouldn't have been so bad, except he was clinging to the bottom rung and still demanding I not show him up by passing him on the ladder. I wasn't made for living on crackers, peanut butter, and tuna for the rest of my life.

CaliGirlED said...

 *side-eye to your crazy behind* LOL

CaliGirlED said...

Cleaner of the Milk Shake Machine??? Hell that might have even gotten him to go around to various stores! SMH

CaliGirlED said...

 You have NO sense!!!

Brenda Kay said...

I don't have that much nerve in my entire body... I'm guessing she was mighty upset when 5:05 pm rolled around. LoL!

Brenda Kay said...

Sol_dier ~ if a man is willing to share all his personal business on FB or Twitter, then I know good and well he will have no hesitation sharing "our" personal business. And that is a flat no!

rozb said...

I cannot deal with Name Droppers. Barely out the box, and he is telling you about the time Jay-Z stepped on his foot in VIP or when he and Coolio wore the same Coogi sweater to a Lakers game. Miss me with all of that...

Only1DivaC said...

We need to add outlandish romantic gifts too early. I mentioned a story about a dude and 100 roses being sent to me after a 10 minute conversation on the phone. Yes, we had never went out on a date before he sent me those flowers. WDDDA? Yeah, flag on the play with that one. Needless to say I went the other way!!

OneChele said...

I was just thinking that 5:02 pm was a rude awakening for her.

Brenda Kay said...

I'll put myself in the Bougie Naughty Corner have posting this question, but if a 10 minute conversation got you 100 roses. I wonder what a night of good cocoa stirring would have brought? A new car? A condo? ;-)

Anya said...

you have pointed out some signs that we must look on. I will keep them mind.  I agree with you that too much love too fast is not good enough. 

GammasWorld said...

Pre-internet when we were doing the ads in the paper personals, A what sounded like a sane dude responded to my ad -- own business, divorced, one child.  Two phone convos and a lunch data later I got a bouquet at work that was lobby of the office building worthy AND a proposal.  I was the type of woman he was looking for and there was no need for him to continue looking.  Dude even tried to make me think I was crazy talmbout if I'm what you're looking for why are we going through all the motions.  I put security on alert and was glad he didn't know where I lived. 

MsJamie14 said...

Just because I got guest rooms, doesn't make any difference! Besides, you are not a guest you are a STRANGER. LOL

MsJamie14 said...

LMAO...right...let that one play out a bit. LOL

(just kidding for real)

MsJamie14 said...

*blink* *blink* Wow!

tishatweets said...

Right. Besides, I might wanna stay at the hotel! #okbye LOL

invectiva said...

 That's just... nuts.

BlackLizLemon said...

What IS the situation with dude's hair in that second pic? Is that the last remnants of a jheri curl?
*faints*

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