Friday, March 16, 2012

Me, the Mama, the Maid and the Battle for Tortilla Soup Supremacy


My life has been turned upside down because of tortilla soup this week. These are first world problems to be sure. But bear with me here...

Le Dude is laid up with pneunomia. I called his part-time housekeeper Rosalita and asked if she wouldn't mind freshening up the house (I've kinda ignored it whilst he was away) and changing sheets and what not. Rosalita (who would do ANYTHING for SeƱor David) was devasted to hear that he was ill and offered to not only clean up but grocery shop and make el Dude her famous tortilla soup.  Awesome.

We get David home and settled just in time for his mother to show up. (If you missed it, we met her here.) Not a chance was her only boy going to be ill and she not fly in to be by his side. Her "baby" turns 37 next week but, uh - alrighty then. She immediately hustles him out of the bed and into the steam shower so he can "sweat it out" - alrighty. While he's simmering in the shower, she runs out to get him "better" sheets and a new comforter set. Alrighty then.

When she leaves, I head into the bathroom where he is looking mighty cooked on the steam bench. I free him from the human crockpot and get him back in the bed and start hydrating. I'm reading the labels on the meds when Rosalita comes in with her tortilla soup. He took a sip and smiled at her. The minute she left the room, he set the bowl down and announced, "It's not your tortilla soup." He follows that up with the big "I'm sad and I'm sick" eyes and next thing you know I'm in the damn kitchen whipping up tortilla soup.

When the soup is done, his mama is back from Bed, Bath and Beyond. She announces that she had planned to make David her world famous chicken and dumplings soup but he declined. So now I'm getting the side-eye. Did not stop her from sitting on down and getting a bowl of my soup for herself. But I got the side-eye of life. Whatevs. David went to sleep happy.

Next day I get a phone call from Mama David. Those "ragamuffin" boys came by and ate all of David's soup. It's the only thing he wants to eat. Can I give her the recipe? (Her exact words "Since you are the Soup Queen around here, all I can do follow your lead") Alrighty. Now anyone who knows me a little bit knows I don't generally cook from a recipe. I toss ingredients together, season to taste and Viola! She didn't like that answer so I did the best I could, I really did.

That night, I swing by to check in and chaos has ensued. Mama David made the soup but her baby boy scrunched up his nose and announced, "It's not Michele's soup." [Am I the only one giving Dude the side-eye for throwing me under the bus like that?] Mama David wants to know why the food she cooks is no longer good enough for her son. In fact she states, "Girl you're running his whole life, you might as well marry him." Oh. I had to take a moment to remind myself that this is her baby and the youngest of 6. Woo-sah.

Meanwhile, the fellas have come by and they want to know where the Michele Soup is as well. Rosalita has come by and figured out that her soup didn't make the cut. Long story short, everybody is tart and giving me the side-eye when I walk in the door. I put the boys out, sent Rosalita home, sat Mama David down with some wine and checked on David - who was sleeping through the whole shebacle. I made Italian tomato veggie soup and warmed a loaf of bread, chucked the deuces and rolled out.

Mama David has decided to stay another week. I told David I'd see him then. I'm going to make some (small) allowances since the man sounds like he has elephants tap dancing on his chest but er... um... What's to be done about men and their mamas? Nothing but stay out of the way as far as I can tell... BougieLand, any thoughts?

66 comments:

Mo said...

Be cordial and maintain an arms length relationship. I had an ex-mama call my cell taling  about "these days we can only  reach him through you." Really, he was just in your house last night to fix your garage light.

CaliGirlED said...

Chele you tell the BEST stories! I am dying laughing! However, having dated a "for real" mama's boy, I feel your pain! The only thing I can say is that David, from past stories, does not to appear to be a "for real" mama's boy, but mama's baby nonetheless. Be GLAD, be forever grateful that she does not live in the same city and state. Love ya Mama David!

And David did INDEED throw you under the bus with, "It's not Michele's soup."!!! He knew better and furthermore, he knows his mama! We'll just chalk that up to Delusions of Pneumonia and excuse him, THIS time! LOL

Kudos to you Chef Chele for knocking out Mama and Rosalita out the box! (But watch your back, both of them are seething because their tortilla soup was SUPPOSED to be better than yours!)

MsJamie14 said...

Mama David made the soup but her baby boy scrunched up his nose and announced, "It's not Michele's soup."

Hold up...wait a minute *running man break*

My bad. LOL. Anyway...you got a country boy, the youngest of SIX, who loves his mama to say this to HER?! Girl, what did you put in that soup? LOL.

You need to start writing relationship books cuz that boy is gone and we can't blame it on the meds!

You go girl!

Jubi The Great said...

So this sounds to me like Mama is right - yall should get married. *runs & hides*

thinklikeRiley said...

Uh yeah, lookie here. I think we all thinkin' da same thang - What's in da soup, Chele? What da hell you put in da soup?

I'll wait.

GrownAzzMan said...

"That night, I swing by to check in and chaos has ensued. Mama David made the soup but her baby boy scrunched up his nose and announced, "It's not Michele's soup." [Am I the only one giving Dude the side-eye for throwing me under the bus like that?]"

You are right to give David a pass since he is sick but bruh, that ain't helping. That mother/son/girlfriend struggle is real yo. I am the ONLY son of a West Indian mother so I know several women who have stories like this to tell. Mom is gone now rest her soul but she could be difficult at these moments. I have had to be the diplomat too many times to count.

Good luck...

Sol_dier said...

Phew... I don't even know... well, erm.. yeah. 
Goodluck! 

CaliGirlED said...

Uh huh! *snickers*

Only1DivaC said...

I'm with Riley what you putting in that soup?! Second, those Georgia boys so trifiling. Trey, Shawn, and the whole lot of them need to stop pilfering food over there. Hopes Mr. David gets better soon!

Sending prayers and tons of patience your way!!

CaliGirlED said...

I think my worst "mama's boy moment" (or at least one of the worst) was talking to his mom while she was folding his clothes. I was standing there talking to this woman while she folded MY MAN's draws y'all!!! And NO he was NOT sick!

BklynBajan said...

**cyber martini for One Chele**

woo sah

**making it a double**

BklynBajan said...

I don't even like tortilla soup and I'm waiting with pad and paper!

Ithopiam said...

Girllll..... I have to many stories to tell first off ex mama had set me up to get rid of current fiancee and the only person who did not know was me .... needless to say i had to set my manners aside and lay the law down on him and her! so know i am arms length with current fiancee but sometimes she grinds my gears he is in the middle of a political campaign and she calls him for everything... i am like ughhh he is busy but i keep my mouth shut and he goes to her every whim... can't say much because i eat her food now that i am also busy campaigning but mamas gal we gatta write a book!

md_KG said...

Ok this right here is just wrong. SO WRONG!! Is he a child?! Ugh! 

Angela said...

I've been in this position and still don't understand the threat some mothers feel. You're his mother by all means. With one of my exes mothers, we went from shopping together (sometimes) to her not liking me all because he wanted to spend more time with me and requested my cooking. I think the cooking is a southern thing ladies..lol! *having a sip (drink) with you for old times sake*

Only1DivaC said...

You know I was thinking the same thing but you know Chele is going to get us! I shall remain quiet because I feel a side-eye and a ma'am coming soon. *mumbles learned my lesson the hard way*

Jennifer said...

LOLOL

What's to be done?  Man, I don't think anything can be DONE with mamas, they play to WIN!  So just keep your game face on cuz you never know what angle (of guilt) they will come from.
 So all parties are now very aware that his Mama feels a little threatened cuz her baby isn't calling on her first.   Ok, duly noted... But hey, she did verbally consent to you marrying her son, I bet she hasn't done that before lol.

OneChele said...

Wait - why did I not know you were a West Indian cousin!? Shouting out Barbados, Trini and Guyana!

Angela said...

You tell the best stories! I'm just glad you were there to free him from the human crockpot. lol

Lady4Real said...

Le Wow, Le Ouch, Le Damn. I think your method of keeping your distance and letting Mama do her thing is good for now. Question is, say you and LeNinja make it to the alter, wed and she is now Mama-in-law and David is sick? Can't be run out of your own house, but if it's big enough you can avoid her as much as possible. These kind of mothers never change and are jealous of any woman that comes close to her, which I find to be bass ackwards but an overprotective Mom is an overprotective Mom, you kill them wiht kindness and keep your distance when you can.

Lady4Real said...

Get well soon David!!!

Michele said...

Dear Soup Queen:  Imma need you to post ingredients ASAP :)

And absolutely nothing can be done about men and their mamas. 

Mo said...

Scarred for life .

Sol_dier said...

In my head and from what I've observed. 
Once you have made it formal in the eyes of The lord and the courts you ARE the woman of the house and he is the man of the house.Bride's Dad can't just run round to fix ish & Groom's mum steps away from the WIFE's kitchen.However, Father of the groom is allowed to fix things,  & Mother of the bride has 'freer' reign to drop by the kitchen. 

Lady4Real said...

I have 3 stories to share. Current hubby has known me since 2nd grade, Mom has known me since 6th, she suffers from the ole'school paperbag philosphy so I'm good as gold to her, + I have her 1st born grandson, + I'm intelligent, + I come from good people, + I treat her like she is my mother & she always wanted a daughter so we are good. The only thing she does to irk me is call my hubs for everything under the sun but he is an only child so I can't be too upset. Ex-Hubs was an only child with an illness, his mother never liked anyone so she tried her damndest to get rid of me and she won, I couldn't take the drama anymore. Youngest son's grandma was ridiculous, she loved me but wanted to own me, my son and her son. She would clean our room (without our permission), take my son out of his crib at night (we had a good long talk about that). She always means well but goes about things all wrong. I just hope that I'm a nice Mama, but honestly my sons are 12 & 10 and it takes all my strength not to chase little girls away from my doorstep, no one is good enough for my babies!!!

La said...

Men and their mamas is an unwinable argument. I, like you, try to stay out of it as much as possible. Trying to convince an overbearing parent of any kind, but ESPECIALLY the overbearing mama of a boy, that chilling is required where her son is involved will never end well. So I don't do it. I think you did the right thing. You let her dote on her son, try to keep the peace and set VERY clear boundaries as far as where you're concerned. And then get the hell out the house, lol. 

La said...

Is it wrong that at this point, unless he was amazing and just as mortified by this as I was, I woulda held up the solitary sanctuary finger and exited quietly out the back? lol

Gem said...

LOL! i love this story!! and i love that you're the soup queen!

i think you handled the situation very well. ive been fortunate enough to not ever have to deal with mama drama. but i know getting between a man and his mama is a bad place to be. i'll have to remember this post if that time ever arrives.

BklynBajan said...

BklynBajan (1/8 Trini) in da house!

GrownAzzMan said...

Nassau rocks!

CaliGirlED said...

 So true!

Angela said...

 I have two sons as well so I can relate!

TrulyPC said...

I don't know if I should be laughing but this was hilarious.  On one hand you can be flattered that David feels the way that he does but it can create a potholed path.  But David is ill so you have to give him a break and leap over those potholes with a smile.

I have never had this type of experience with a mother.  My last relationship was my most significant and lasted the longest and his mother is an absolute love.  He would sometimes say "Momma did this and Momma did that" and one time she heard him and called him on it saying beggars can't be choosers.  She would never put herself in the middle and offered advice only when asked.  L-O-V-E her!   I don't know what I would do in a relationship that offered the opposite.  I'm spoiled.

Angela said...

Oh and by the way, I love me some Tortilla Soup! I like to make it in the slow cooker which I need to replace. *Opens browser to Walmart* 

GrownAzzMan said...

Oh and lest I forget, let me put this on the record. Can't nobody mess with my JCrab Bisque. That.Is.All Carry.On.

CaliGirlED said...

 Nobody GAM? Chele I hear a challenge! *whistles and waits*

DFig said...

Mom and son relationships are hard.  This reminds me of when my mother in law to be visited us and promptly changed ALL the drapes in the house while we were at work.  ALL!  High ceilings and all. Did I mention she was 68 at the time and had to borrow a ladder from our leasing office. We all sat down to dinner and pretended it didn't happen, until she gave me additional instruction on things that would make her boy's house better....the house I paid half the rent in.  I sighed and moved on.  As they were leaving, my father in law to be congratulated me on resisting the bait.

Not much can be done until after marriage.  Plus, once you do get married it will all start over again when she has to "help you take better care of her grandchildren".   I'm in the middle of that now....woo-sah!

Sol_dier said...

my girl!. 

Sol_dier said...

samples, pls? all this soup talk is making my stomach growl.

Rhenewal said...

Dominica here as well!

tiffanyinhouston said...

Man, DLC played you out like a funky piano!!! (Word to King Tee and Ice Cube!)

The next post should be that soup recipe, ya heard??

Get well soon, David! Take all of your meds!

Grace said...

 Irie!!! 1/2 Jamaica in da house!

Grace said...

So um... how ya'll coming on that marriage thing? Inquiring minds and whatnot.
*runs out the door*

Trey Charles said...

I'm going to speak it plain. I don't really like soup. But I will slapbox somebody for Chele's tortilla soup. It's spicy and there are all these meats and veggies then she sprinkles cheese and avocado on top. Hell yes, I sat in DLC's kitchen and had me a bowl. I ain't even understand Rosalita's soup. It was chicken broth with some herbs floating on top.

Where was I when the Italian tomato came out?

P.S. Mama Chase ain't no joke. None at all. And Chele is the only woman she hasn't politely ask to back up and keep a twelve foot perimeter away from her boy. 

M Dot said...

My Mom taught me how to use the washer at 10 and said "don't wash whites with reds" and that was that.  I learned by trial and error.

PatriciaW said...

Chele, if you had any doubts, you're ready for marriage...at least on the handling the mil front.  You made it through like a pro.  She will always be his mama, and he will always be her baby.  'Nuff said.  For things that Mom made better than me, I either got the recipe or sent him to her house.  For things, I made better (or sufficiently well enough for him to resist the trip), I shared the recipe with her (but only after she asked, never without invitation).  Makes for full bellies and happy relationships all around.

Even as a married woman, I'd tell you don't sweat the sheets and comforter.  If Mama wants to add to the collection, why hate?  When she visits, use them in the guest room.

blackprofessor said...

Can we get the recipe? So mama gave her verbal consent for you to marry her only son? Sounds like you are in there, lol!

I think you handled your future MIL the right way - kindness and boundaries.  Kill them with kindness and keep firm boundaries and that is a win-win.

Earthangel172 said...

Yeah 3N inadvertently threw you under the bus but at least Mama David said he should marry you. That's a semi-compliment, right? Hee hee...

Chele, I be needing that recipe too! LOL
It has to be the bomb if a man with pneumonia is asking for it. Get well soon David.

Earthangel172 said...

 ::drools::

Earthangel172 said...

 Hayle naw! I would've been out the door too. That's some bull.

tiffanyinhouston said...

 LOL! You gone fight behind that soup, huh?

But why Mama Chase called you a ragamuffin though???! LMAO!

Tonda Renee~ said...

*BEAT YOU OUT THE DOOR*

MsJamie14 said...

Trey. Of course Trey. LOL

I so hollered at slapboxing tho. YouTube that, m'kay? LOL

tiffanyinhouston said...

 Crab be costing a lot..can I sub in some skrimps?? Recipe pls???

rozb said...

Umm...never had tortilla soup, but I think I need some in my life.

How about we have a post here asking for soup recipes and stuff? That way, it ain't only one person slipping recipes and stuff...

Leo the Yardie Chick said...

*dead*

This has a movie plot written all over it! Hell, if HWood can make a movie about some woman and her closet full of bridesmaid's dresses, they can make a comedy around a soup showdown!

Btw, NOW I want a sample of your soup. :D

OneChele said...

Idiot.

Leo the Yardie Chick said...

 Tell me about it. My Grandma (R.I.P) hated any woman associated with her sons - until they divorced. Then the ex's could do no wrong, and the current girlfriends (I will NOT say what Grandma called them!) could do no right.

Nicole said...

100% Trini in de house!!!!

C Nelson said...

 I may live in Australia, but born Trini, bred Trini, die Trini.  :)

GammasWorld said...

Le Dude totally threw you under the bus  -- delirious or not ROFLMBO.   On the plus side you've got mama's approval to marry her baby boy - that's as close as you gon' get to a "blessing" LOL.  So the basics of this soup are ... (note pad ready).  Uh I'll take that Italian tomato veggie recipe as well.  Give me the basics I'll improvise.  And the ragamuffin boys just need to call, text and quit pilfering food. 

Brenda Kay said...

I'm not running out the room. I'm taking a seat and waiting for an answer. :-)

GrownAzzMan said...

Tiff, like Madame LeBouge, I don't cook from a recipe. I could inbox you a framework and you would have to tweak it from there. I would think that shrimp would work but it is best with lump crabmeat.

CorettaJG said...

Lord, these stories are priceless.  I'm still not understanding why the Georgia boys had to eat a sick man's food though.  That's not right.

I will say, however, that I have a friend living that "Everybody Loves Raymond" life where the in-laws moved across the country to live just a couple streets away from the couple and the mom routinely over steps her boundaries.  The main problem is that the husband doesn't see his mom's behavior as a problem.  He just thinks it's his wife's problem.  It has caused  a.lot. of conflict.  After watching them, it reaffirms my belief that the son has to be the one to put his mom in check and sets the boundaries. 

CaliGirlED said...

 Right! So it makes it that much worse that he knew how to wash his own clothes! That was just another way of her controlling his life AND letting me know that she did. Unfortunately, I didn't realize it at that time.

Marioned said...

At my desk looking at the computer at the first plane hitting the first of the Twin Towers then the second, not realizing it was happening before my eyes!  Then I turned around and looked out my office window to see the black smoke coming from the Pentagon!  Being in DC and thinking it was ground zero, panic erupted.  Fighter jets were flying overhead and it was quite terrifying.  It took me 4 hours to drive 8 miles home.

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