Tuesday, March 06, 2012

Bougie Bachelor Chronicles - "This is like work!"


Today I have browbeaten requested that Jay share some of his story. As some of you may know, @GuessImJay met @JoyGrooves at a Jill Scott/Mint Condition concert outside of Dallas this summer. It was an unlikely meeting. Joy was in town for the weekend choreographing a commercial in Irving. Jay is not a NeoSoul fan but came along because he had nothing better to do (translated: he couldn't decide which girl to bring so he rode out with us solo). Joy sent me a tweet saying she was in the area and wanted to say hi so I told her to come on out to the concert if she had a chance. When she arrived, it was like a scene out of a movie. You know the one where the hero and the heroine lock eyes and that's it? This was that. Less than two months letter she had moved in. Here's Jay's story (as edited by me)...

I was never insulted when people called me a player or a man-ho or whatever is said when a guy is not looking for commitment and just having a good time. I never considered myself a dog. I never made promises. I was always upfront. Women like me. I like them back. I was always good for dinner, a few laughs, a good time and that was that. 

I wasn't looking for more. Seemed like relationships didn't really fall that way for me. I was always the groomsman, never the groom and I liked it like that. 17 weddings since college. I gave in and bought a decent tuxedo about seven years ago. The fellas laughed and said it was irony that the one of us least likely to settle down owned two tuxedos.

I don't like the phrase settle down. It implies that you are giving in, right there, in the spot where you once stood. And that didn't sound like fun to me. I never met a woman that I thought was better or different than all the rest. And if I couldn't have better or different, what was the point? . My father says I wasn't looking at women in that way. He's probably right. I probably passed by or sped past some special ones. He also said when I found her, I would know. He was right about that too.

Everybody I know has fallen out laughing at me since I met Joy. The jokes about teaching an old dog new tricks, the bigger they are the harder they fall, things happen when you least expect it, jumping on the hook dying to get caught - I've heard them all. To which I say, so what, quit hating and tell me how to keep her. No one tells you that when you find the one, then you have to keep her and not do all the same stupid ish you used to do thinking she'll like that. I've announced to everyone who will listen, "This is like work!" All of this reconfiguring from a me to a we - it's not like you think it's going to be.

I'm not complaining. This woman is worth every bit of blood, sweat, tears, pleading and reconciliation. But why doesn't anyone tell you it's going to take all that? Not bragging but we're both attractive successful people who are used to getting our own way with the opposite sex. And we are both stubborn and a little bit spoiled. We have turned arguing into a sport. We got so tired after the last battle of wills that we ended up flipping a coin to settle it. That was just over who would do dishes last Thursday. We've never lived with other people. This is work. 

We start a lot of sentences with "I love you but..." and then we're off again. Neither one of us is what we call "relationship people" -people that always seem to be in long-term relationships and know how to navigate them? We know nothing about that. Maybe it's a good thing we both waited so long to find each other, we're surrounded by serious relationship people who are happy to give us advice even when we don't ask for any. It's early days yet but we're determined to go as far as this thing will take us. There's only one her and one me and we'll never find this combination again.

Shared my story because so many people asked and because I think people should know as hard as finding that person is, it's just as hard if not harder to know what to do to keep them. can I say it one more time? This is work!

BougieLand, show newly-reformed-formerly-confirmed-Bachelor Jay some love. No shade but if this dude can move his playa card to the back of the wallet - anybody can. They do fight right regular over household chores, car maintenance and remote controls... bless their hearts. Support them in their newbie struggles. Any thoughts, insights, comments...

66 comments:

Stephanie said...

There's hope thanks Jay

MidWestDominicana said...

Jay,
Congratulations on finding someone who makes you happy and who inspires you to do the work it takes to continue to be happy.  I love love!!

I have no answers to give, but can attest to the fact that a good relationship does require work. I have known my husband since 15 and been married almost 7 years and this has been the most challenging, yet most rewarding experience I have known.  My mother always said that we put in the time, energy and effort towards the things that matter most to us. And I think most of us who have experienced a truly happy relationship will agree that the rewards of that hard work are second to none. 

You enjoy her, she enjoys you and you are both enjoying the relationship, so perhaps looking at it not as work, but rather an investment in something that will be greatly beneficial to you both presently and long-term will help re-frame your perspective (s).  

All the very best to you and Joy in your continuous journey towards all the wonderful things love brings. 

Michele said...

I loved this post.  Yes, it's work but as you have found out it is totally worth it.  Much love and success to Jay and Joy. 

thinklikeRiley said...

Now that all my thug is on the floor... ninja damn! All heartfelt and ish.
I got zero advice. She gotta sister?

Miz JJ said...

I love this story. And I can relate. I snagged by own Jay. It is a definite adjustment for both of us. My problem is that I can use words like a knife. My favorite Chele stories are when she tells someone off. But now when I am talking to my guy I think "Is it true? Is it kind? Is it necessary?" Even when I am heated I try to remember that. He tries to remember that it is better to be happy than it is to be right. He is not going to win every argument. How important is the fight? Pick your battles. Sometimes I know he lets me win to keep the peace and he knows that I am biting the inside of my cheek to stop from saying something smart. We're making it work. Best of luck to you guys making it work.

Brneyed1 said...

Ah, love!  And Black love at that!  I'm misty-eyed!And the statement about work?  Truer words have not been spoken.  When my S.O. and I have gotten into one of our epic arguments, I step away and read this quote:"For anything worth having one must pay the price; and the price is always work, patience, love, self-sacrifice - no paper currency, no promises to pay, but the gold of real service."

I have read that arguing is good for a relationship, if done right.  Keep fighting the good fight!

Mo said...

Wishing  both you of Love.Peace. Joy.  Take it one day at time.

maureen said...

"For anything worth having one must pay the price; and the price is always work, patience, love, self-sacrifice "<----- This. Right. Here. *prints  & post this on my fridge*

Brneyed1 said...

And as for the household struggles?  Aaahhh, I remember those as well.  The look my S.O. gave me when I stated that "I don't do trash"? Priceless.

Try developing a household work plan.  After the aforementioned "trash discussion" we developed ours.  I have my chores that I've agreed to, and he has his.  The ONLY way that the chores get done by the other party is if that person is unavailable for an extended period of town (read: out of the country for a month) or incapacitated (and no, a head-cold is NOT incapacitated!  The trashman don't give a whip about your sniffles!).  It has worked for us so far.  Our agreement is written on a dry-erase board in plain sight where we both can see it every day, so there are no misunderstandings.  Can't tell you how many times we've "referred to the board."

Jubi The Great said...

Yay for Jay & Joy! :-)

All I'm gonna say is, at some point yall are gonna get tired of fighting over the little things, like who does the dishes on what nights. The phrase "pick your battles" comes to mind. Sometimes you have to take one for the team, if it results in a peaceful happy home.

Brneyed1 said...

"...I am biting the inside of my cheek to stop from saying something smart."  <--been there...could take up residence.

GrownAzzMan said...

"No one tells you that when you find the one, then you have to keep her and not do all the same stupid ish you used to do thinking she'll like that."

That sentence is everything. The first step is admitting there is a problem. You two are experiencing relationship 'growing pains'. It's even harder with you have been single for a while but from your letter it sounds like the two of you are committed to growing together and that should help you make it through.

Mr. Skyywalker said...

Man listen, you get the magic answer to that and you will be a gazillionaire. Just take it one day at a time. *lifts glass in toast position* From one former playa to another.

Lady4Real said...

Congrats Jay and Joy sounds like the J&J relationship is dy-no-mite!! (lol, I couldn't resist). Relationships are work but anything worth having is worth working hard for. I've known my husband since childhood and the longest healthiest relationship we've ever been in was the one we had has teenagers and the marriage we share now. The first year was tidious, we argued, fussed, cried, hugged and started all over the next day. We are almost 3 years in and still argue, fuss, cry, hug and start is all over again about 2-3 weeks later, hopefully the cycle will continue to stretch out in frequency. Me to we is a transition but with the right person it is well worth it, empowering and comforting. Work on and enjoy the fruits of your labor.

Lady4Real said...

household chores is like the first speed bump on "Relationship Road" but it is a road, sometimes its a stretch of smooth cruising, sometimes you are in the mountains on a narrow road, with tight curves and hella fog but you get through it when you are riding with the right one.

Natasha said...

This post today is EVERYTHING.  This makes me think of that episode of Martin where Martin tells Tommy "you got somebody that got you".  So happy for Jay and Joy!  

BAnjeeB said...

This is adorable, sweet, and lovely! All the best to you both.

I have noticed now that I'm seeing someone, that my friends who are or who have been married have started telling me that coupledom ain't no crystal stair. Maybe they were always saying it and I was resistant to hearing it...Anyway, I'll reflect on hard headedness later.  For now, cheers to you Jay & Joy. 

Angel Blanca said...

This is so sweet!! I have no words of wisdom other than, "Hang in there!" Much of what makes any relationship cherished is forged in these formative stages. You'll both find your rhythm and rhyme together, and that unique blend will be what's good for all of you, Joy, Jay, and y'all.

Angel Blanca said...

This is so sweet!! I have no words of wisdom other than, "Hang in there!" Much of what makes any relationship cherished is forged in these formative stages. You'll both find your rhythm and rhyme together, and that unique blend will be what's good for all of you, Joy, Jay, and y'all.

Angel Blanca said...

This is so sweet!! I have no words of wisdom other than, "Hang in there!" Much of what makes any relationship cherished is forged in these formative stages. You'll both find your rhythm and rhyme together, and that unique blend will be what's good for all of you, Joy, Jay, and y'all.

SingLikeSassy said...

The easiest most laid back relationship I've ever been in was with my husband. And we see how that turned out. 

Best of luck and love to Jay and Joy.

blackprofessor said...

I love love, especially black love. Best of luck to you both.  Now that you found love, I hope you two figure out how to keep the fire blazing. 

I wish someone had shared that little gem of "relationships are work" with me back in the day.  When I was younger, I naively thought that relationships were "bad" if they required work and that they were "good" if they were laid back and chill.  I know better now, lol!

M Dot said...

Congrats my brother!  This is a great story.

As "THAT GUY" that's not in a relationship but has all the advice, all I can offer is:*pick your battles (dishes? Come On Son! too small to fight over)
*buy flowers, cards, small gifts just because (i.e. not just on birthdays)
*do NOT forget the anniversaries (when y'all met, when you first became a couple, etc).
*listen twice as much as you talk.

Stories like this help me keep hope alive. I wish y'all the best.

Brneyed1 said...

I respectfully disagree about the dishes being too small to fight over.  Been there, done that, bought that t-shirt.  The argument wasn't really about "doing the dishes" but about our unspoken expectations of one another.  


I expected that my S.O. would wash the dishes because, where I grew up, doing the dishes went along with "cleaning the kitchen" (his agreed-upon task).  So, I expected that he'd handle it.  Where he grew up, doing the dishes went along with "preparing the meals" (my agreed-upon task).  So, he expected that I'd handle it.  It wasn't until we "referred to the board" that we realized our unspoken expectations.  So we had a discussion, came to a compromise, and modified the agreement (which is why that joint is written on a dry-erase board!).

lessie brown said...

 The contracts obsessed law student in me loves this dry-erase board thing <3 The over-communicator part of me loves that you guys were able to re-examine your expectations rather than just let resentment build up over something so small in the broader scheme of things. I'm making a mental note to self for later.

Jennifer said...

agreed re: household work plan.  Have a kind of 'division of labor' meeting.  Use a board or a chart-wheel if necessary for reference.  
Also, do you just swap turns on chores or are there certain ones you don't mind doing that she detests (and vice versa)?  I will clean a kitchen and mop it too, but the bathroom is certainly lower on my list of faves.  Is laundry to be done together or separately?  If I'm in charge of dusting and vacuuming, can you be in charge of putting out trash on trash day? 

And congrats to you Jay and JOy!  Enjoy each other

Brneyed1 said...

I've been reading federal regulations and statute since I was 18.  If nothing else, that experience has taught me that everything you need to understand isn't always clearly stated!  

tishatweets said...

"My problem is that I can use words like a knife."

I'm a reformed knife-wielder. God is able. LOL!

tishatweets said...

Great story. I think what's most encouraging about this post is that you realize that a relationship is work. It must be attended to like any other living thing. You won't wake up feeling in love every day and hearing birds singing and harps and violins and crap when you look at her. Some days you might feel as though you don't even *like* her right then. That passes, though. Relationships grown and stretch and you find sweet spots. So don't get stuck there. Most important is that you make the decision to love.

tishatweets said...

I wish I would argue over some dishes.

Sol_dier said...

I don't like the phrase settle down...
Neither do I, so I don't use it and I have no expectations to. You have every right to use language which fits you and not the general population.

Advice: Treat each other kindly, even when the going gets rough. Listen to each other and just keep doing what you do.
Good luck to the J's :-)

tishatweets said...

"Me to we is a transition but with the right person it is well worth it, empowering and comforting. Work on and enjoy the fruits of your labor."

Love that. Although I'm not neeeeeeeever ever ever ever (did I say ever?) living with nare 'nother man I'm not married to, this is advice that's great for the marital relationship as well.

Jubi The Great said...

This right here.

In the grand scheme of things, it's just not worth it to me to argue about dishes or how he does laundry. But I can communicate how I would prefer for us to run our household together. Those are two very different things.

Tiffany Nicole said...

...."this is like work"...well it is. Relationship is action, but I bet you are well able to make it the best possible. Don't have the "answers" (I'm a work in progress myself) but I do have to remind myself:
 
to be open and honest--when I don't "get" him I say, "babe, help me understand this better" and he respects it. Truth is our foundation word.
 
don't do the stupid ish you did before--he aint him
 
to enjoy him--he's more than the flawless smile
 
and to take apologize when I'm wrong--not as a power trip, but because I love him and want him to know his feels matter to me.
 
Best wishes to Jay and Joy....love is beautiful enjoy loving it!

tishatweets said...

Exactly, Jube. Exactly.

Come to think of it, I cannot remember sitting down with my ex-husband and deciding who was going to do what in the house. We just did what needed to be done. We were a good team in that regard. I came home to a hot meal just as often as he did. He'd do laundry if he saw the basket full as would I, etc. Things got more challenging once our daughter got here, but that's to be expected. The basic underlying factor, though, was that we needed our home to operate smoothly for the sake of the sanity of us both, and we worked to that end.

OH! I don't do that trash thing, though. That was an unspoken rule. His mama did THAT right. LMBO!

MsJamie14 said...

Thank you, thank you, thank you Jay for sharing your story. While the "thunderbolt" (shout out to the Godfather) hasn't happened for me yet, I believe it will. And when it does, I also believe that this will rear it's ugly head ---> "Not bragging but we're both attractive successful people who are used to getting our own way with the opposite sex. And we are both stubborn and a little bit spoiled. "

So I'm not offering any advice, I'm taking notes. Joy, can we get your viewpoint too? I remember your "ask a Bougie Chick" letter when you were contemplating the move, can we get your follow up?

Gracias.

Jubi The Great said...

I'm cool with having a "hey I really hate doing the dishes but I love to cook"-type convos. In the end, it absolutely will get done, cause it was done when we lived as single ppl. But sometimes he likes to do a chore you hate & vice versa, so the convo helps. But what I'm not gonna do is have a chore board - I didn't even have that as a child! Unless you're just really not used to not picking up after yourself & running your household, I don't see what the big deal is.

What I suspect is that the chores are really symptomatic of underlying issues...

tishatweets said...

Yeah No Country for Chore Boards over this way either. LOL

SouthernWes said...

I can't resist teasing my boy - Gents, let this be a lesson. Don't get to the age of 36 and only have a string of three-week relationships/hook ups/vacation shenanigans in your relationship wheelhouse. 

MsJamie14 said...

LMAO. Wise words. When something isn't working right, it's easier to cut in run. I've done it a gazillion times! I suspect the fact that Jay and Joy didn't know each other all that well before moving in together is also going to make those growing pains a bit harder to navigate.

Anything worth having is worth fighting for, tho. I guess pledging didn't stop in undergrad! LOL

Brneyed1 said...

Wow. Bashing an idea simply because you don't need it?  That's harsh.  

The "chore board" is simply a tool.  It worked for us, and could work for others.  And as time goes on, you find yourself referring to it less and less.

TrulyPC said...

Awww.  Congrats Jay and Joy.   

1. Paying attention to the details is an important part of the relationship.  
2. On washing dishes?  Whoever cooked gets the remote while the other person gets the dish towel.  
3. Relationship may be a lot of effort but if it's the right person it reaps great rewards.

Angela said...

Best wishes to you, Jay and Joy! You're already surrounded by much wisdom so I only have one comment: Invest in each other!

tishatweets said...

Did it get bashed or did we just say we wouldn't use it?

maureen said...

cues James Ingram http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BBY4o26fCt8

Rondezzy said...

I enjoyed reading Jay and Joy story. It is rare to hear true feelings from the man's point of view. My advise to you two is to be honest, communicate,  and have mutual respect for one another even when you disagree. Practice true listening. One of my favorite scriptures (James 1:19)is to be quick to hear and slow to speak. And last seek advise from couples you both trust and admire. And relationships are hard work. I just ended a 26 year marriage and part of our problem is we didn't work at it and we took each other for granted. We also lost trust, respect and was unable to communicate. Don't let those actions be your downfall to your new relationship. Best wishes to you two.

C Nelson said...

Awh! Y'all are so sweet my teeth hurt.  :)

Remember to enjoy the ride. As much as you have NRE (new relationship euphoria) to help smooth out the bumps now, eventually that ish wears off, and what needs to replace it when it does is lots of memories of how good you feel when you're with this person, and why you genuinely like him/her. Don't get so bogged down in the hashing things out that you forget to do that -- and if that means hiring someone to come in and clean and cook a couple days a week so you don't have to negotiate chores constantly, consider that a sterling investment. It is worth every penny. 

Even harder than that, though, don't let yourselves fall into the trap of giving up everything but work and each other while you're still in the NRE phase -- save some togetherness for later! You're both intelligent, accomplished, interesting people, which is why you liked each other; you want to still be accomplished and interesting in your own rights a year and a half from now, and being joined at the hip every non-work minute often means there's nothing fresh to talk about because you were both there for all of it, whereas if you're in a cooking class and she's taking French lessons or something, there's always something new to reveal to each other. Congrats and good luck!

BklynBajan said...

If its violins she loves...let them play.

Maureen you just HAD to go there. I'm about to spend money downloading  all these James Ingram hits I haven't heard in years....(thanks)!

invectiva said...

In my (admittedly unpopular) opinion, arguing about small stuff bleeds out a relationship with a thousand little cuts.  I'm not saying those little things like dishes and trash don't matter,  because they do, and collectively they can be showstoppers. But I believe it's mostly the *arguing* about it which becomes a showstopper eventually, even in the most otherwise loving couples.

Trust me, I know if you get to a certain level of adulthood without a full time live-in partner it's hard to Change Your Ways on the day to day, but there can be a huge difference between what you need and what you want or even "the way mama did it and therefore I do it, too". Thinking hard about the difference and restraining the urge to get your way Just 'Cause can maybe make the difference.

A piece of advice that gets thrown around that makes me really angry is "Let your SO win just to keep peace in the house." I really loathe that whole concept, because it means you're not actually listening to or understanding the SO, you're just... abdicating and feeling smug/superior about how awesome you are by ignoring things you think are pointless. If it's *important* to your SO, then you really owe it to your SO and yourself to understand it and not dismiss it. If you can't understand, at least acknowledge *that*, and acknowledge that you realize it's important to your partner. And hopefully your partner will have the same kind of clarity and want to respect the things that are really important to you, and not push to always have their way on the ones that aren't.

My best relationships have always had these qualities: Listening.
Understanding. Being willing to compromise. Being honest with SO and
with self (the hardest part). Listening more. 



Best of luck to you and Joy.  I think your story is awesome and I hope you two have a fantastic future together.

rozb said...

Jay - it is my hope you have found your kindred soul. God bless you guys.

traveldiva said...

Congratulations on finding a keeper. That fact that you willing to figure out how to keep her is the first step to winning in love.

As a woman going on 25 years of marriage this June, I will confirm you assertion that "this is like work."  except it's not "like" work - IT IS WORK. In my book, love is an action verb. It takes work and a daily decision. That decision/choice I make every single day is that no matter what; no matter that at that particular moment in time I might hate his guts - I CHOSE TO LOVE HIM.

My first bit of advice from your story...and I'd love to hear more as you evolve and go on this journey...is to stop this marathon arguing over petty stuff. STOP. If you can't communicate, negotiate &  resolve something as simple as who is cleaning the kitchen tonight, what channel we are watching or who is getting up to get the remote then what are you going to do when it is something MAJOR like illness, infertility, child rearing or even the decision over split level  or colonial style house. 

Love, Honor, Cherish, Respect...COMMUNICATE!...and you will keep her.

God Bless you both.

Tonda Williams said...

RILEY? You always make holla out loud but THIS comment is EVERY.SINGLE.THING!!!!!   *as I pickup yo thug* woo,woo,woo...woo,woo,woo.....

OneChele said...

Thanks so much for sharing your story!

Tonda Williams said...

I LOVE LOVE....*sigh* Sending tons of positive energy to you and Joy!  Having been married for 10 years and divorced, I have decided to prioritize what is really important. Interestingly, I had a conversation with my ex last night that did NOT devolve into a fight because of a simple declaration. I simply said to him..."I'm not quite sure want your response meant, but I refuse to fight with you. Life is too short and you've meant too much to me"..THAT my friend is the bottom line..when tempted to put your foot down, hold your ground, make your point. Ask yourself, "Do you wanna win, or do you wanna love and be loved"?

no comment said...

I can relate as I have been single for over 10yrs and only been in one semi serious relationship way back in my early 20s. Never lived with a man and I am stubborn and the last guy I met that I was interested in we bickered alot he is also a stubborn Leo as well *sighs* 

Thanks for sharing your story Jay

FullBloom said...

Finding someone that gives you purpose, pleasure, and peace is priceless. The bumps along the way are well worth the lovin.  Much happiness Joy & Jay!

Marioned said...

I wish you the best.  It is hard work and even harder if you have been single for so long.  No experience to draw from plus moving in so quickly has its own challenges.  I would say give each other not what you want but what the other person needs and do not sweat the small stuff.  So many relationships die/fail because of an accumulation of small stuff.

lessie brown said...

 "...COMMUNICATE!..." This is by far the best advice. However, what I learned the hard way in my previous marriage was that you have to *learn* to communicate, and we're not exactly teaching those skills in school. Communication means being able to listen, and it means being able to know what feelings might be underlying one's own anger or frustration. That takes a lot of self-examination. I guess what I'm saying is: don't hesitate to take a class on communication skills if the bickering does get too intense. Better to learn to communicate early in a relationship than to re-hash arguments over and over again and think that that's communication. That just leads to a lot of resentment--and resentment can kill a relationship quick.

Anyway, @ Jay this is a sweet post :) Gives me hope. Enjoy this time together!

CaliGirlED said...

THIS song says it all right? Love it!!!

CaliGirlED said...

If there's a man in the house I'm NOT doing the trash unless he's out of town or it smells bad. Can't have the house smelling like trash!

CaliGirlED said...

"That decision/choice I make every single day is that no matter what; no
matter that at that particular moment in time I might hate his guts - I
CHOSE TO LOVE HIM."<-----THIS RIGHT HERE!!!

"Love, Honor, Cherish, Respect...COMMUNICATE!...and you will keep her."<------And this!

" If you can't communicate, negotiate &  resolve something as simple
as who is cleaning the kitchen tonight, what channel we are watching or
who is getting up to get the remote then what are you going to do when
it is something MAJOR like illness, infertility, child rearing or even
the decision over split level  or colonial style house."<-----Ok this too!

CaliGirlED said...

Wow Jay!!! Since you first came on the scene I've watched your comments change including admitting to some of the foolishness that you was you. I can't really say that I'm surprised by this chronicle.

I will admit to being skeptical about Joy's letter regarding moving in with you (to another state no less) after only a couple of months. Given your "Playa" history and the brevity of the relationship, I was screaming "Don't do it girl!!!". After reading this all I can say is "You go girl!!!". I still can't imagine that the whole "love at first sight" thing is for me, but I'm happy to hear when it works out for others.

There was a lot of good advice given, to which I can't add because I'm still waiting for "mine". But I will say that in your quest to find the answer to this, "quit hating and tell me how to keep her", you are well on your way because you feel this, "This woman is worth every bit of blood, sweat, tears, pleading and reconciliation."; and "There's only one her and one me and we'll never find this combination again."

Yep, I'm just going to keep on waiting for "mine", he's out there and I won't accept anyone but him!

CaliGirlED said...

Like Riley I'm having to pick my thug up off the floor! LOL

Sol_dier said...

cali..... too cool. 
I think this could just remind us all that there is no formula. Sometimes, we take a chance and it works, :-)

tiffanyinhouston said...

All I will add to all of the great advice given here is: NO PROLONGED SHACKING. If ya'll are going to be together, then shit or get off the pot.

The end.

keishabrown said...

*3 days late and 2 dollas short.
just came across this quote today, and thought it was poignant to your question
"Love can be hard. Love requires you to be kind when you are angry, patient when you feel anxious, compassionate when you judge others, caring when you feel apathetic, trust when you've been wronged, let go when you want to hold on, know that the other person is you, take risks when you're scared, to always see the lesson and never look back once you've decided." - Jackson Kiddard 

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