Today I have
browbeaten requested that Jay share some of his story. As some of you may know, @GuessImJay met @JoyGrooves at a Jill Scott/Mint Condition concert outside of Dallas this summer. It was an unlikely meeting. Joy was in town for the weekend choreographing a commercial in Irving. Jay is not a NeoSoul fan but came along because he had nothing better to do (translated: he couldn't decide which girl to bring so he rode out with us solo). Joy sent me a tweet saying she was in the area and wanted to say hi so I told her to come on out to the concert if she had a chance. When she arrived, it was like a scene out of a movie. You know the one where the hero and the heroine lock eyes and that's it? This was that. Less than two months letter she had moved in. Here's Jay's story (as edited by me)...
I was never insulted when people called me a player or a man-ho or whatever is said when a guy is not looking for commitment and just having a good time. I never considered myself a dog. I never made promises. I was always upfront. Women like me. I like them back. I was always good for dinner, a few laughs, a good time and that was that.
I wasn't looking for more. Seemed like relationships didn't really fall that way for me. I was always the groomsman, never the groom and I liked it like that. 17 weddings since college. I gave in and bought a decent tuxedo about seven years ago. The fellas laughed and said it was irony that the one of us least likely to settle down owned two tuxedos.
I don't like the phrase settle down. It implies that you are giving in, right there, in the spot where you once stood. And that didn't sound like fun to me. I never met a woman that I thought was better or different than all the rest. And if I couldn't have better or different, what was the point? . My father says I wasn't looking at women in that way. He's probably right. I probably passed by or sped past some special ones. He also said when I found her, I would know. He was right about that too.
Everybody I know has fallen out laughing at me since I met Joy. The jokes about teaching an old dog new tricks, the bigger they are the harder they fall, things happen when you least expect it, jumping on the hook dying to get caught - I've heard them all. To which I say, so what, quit hating and tell me how to keep her. No one tells you that when you find the one, then you have to keep her and not do all the same stupid ish you used to do thinking she'll like that. I've announced to everyone who will listen, "This is like work!" All of this reconfiguring from a me to a we - it's not like you think it's going to be.
I'm not complaining. This woman is worth every bit of blood, sweat, tears, pleading and reconciliation. But why doesn't anyone tell you it's going to take all that? Not bragging but we're both attractive successful people who are used to getting our own way with the opposite sex. And we are both stubborn and a little bit spoiled. We have turned arguing into a sport. We got so tired after the last battle of wills that we ended up flipping a coin to settle it. That was just over who would do dishes last Thursday. We've never lived with other people. This is work.
We start a lot of sentences with "I love you but..." and then we're off again. Neither one of us is what we call "relationship people" -people that always seem to be in long-term relationships and know how to navigate them? We know nothing about that. Maybe it's a good thing we both waited so long to find each other, we're surrounded by serious relationship people who are happy to give us advice even when we don't ask for any. It's early days yet but we're determined to go as far as this thing will take us. There's only one her and one me and we'll never find this combination again.
Shared my story because so many people asked and because I think people should know as hard as finding that person is, it's just as hard if not harder to know what to do to keep them. can I say it one more time? This is work!
BougieLand, show newly-reformed-formerly-confirmed-Bachelor Jay some love. No shade but if this dude can move his playa card to the back of the wallet - anybody can. They do fight right regular over household chores, car maintenance and remote controls... bless their hearts. Support them in their newbie struggles. Any thoughts, insights, comments...