Wednesday, February 15, 2012

Valentine #WDDDA, an Ask a Bougie Chick special


Normally, I turn the sound off on my phone and Kindle Fire when I plug them in for the night. If it's that big of an emergency and you don't have my home number? I'll holla at ya in the morning. But for some reason (mayhaps the 3/4s a bottle of sparkling shiraz I swigged?) last night, I forgot. So at 2:13am when both the Kindle and the Android started beeping and buzzing in sync every ten minutes, I knew something was up. I glanced at the cell and saw it was a series of emails coming in from a BougieLand reader and friend. After verifying that the person wasn't dead, dying or incarcerated, I fell back to sleep. 

I present this story to you edited and reduced for blog size:
Chele,
You will never, ever believe the shiggity I went through this evening. I told you about the new guy I've been seeing? Well, this was our first Valentine's Day of course and despite you warning about not making it into a big deal, I kinda made it a big deal. He sent flowers and brought a cookie bouquet. Tonight we went out to Pappadeaux. 
We ordered drinks and appetizers and then he said he was going to step outside for a second to call his mom. He's really close to his mother so I thought it was sweet that he was calling his Mom on Valentine's Day. Anyway, it took him a while to come back and he said she was having a bad night. I asked him if he wanted to leave but he said no, he would just check on her a few more times. 
The third time he left the table to call her, the waitress asked me if I had any idea what was going on. Confused, I looked at her and said no. She said, "Your man double-booked you on Valentine's Day." I was like, huh? She said every time he left the table, he ran across the parking lot to the P.F.Chang's. She was like, "Either he's really hungry or he's trying to run two dates at once... on Valentine's Day." She set my Mahi Alexander down in front of me and walked off shaking her head. 
You once said in situations like these there's a class move, a ratchet move and what you wish you had done.  So I sat there thinking WWCD (What Would Chele Do) and then I called the waitress back. I paid for the meal and had her wrap it up to go. I walked across the parking lot, into P.F.Changs and found his table. The look on his face when he saw me walking up - priceless! I slid into the booth next to the other girl and told her. "You know he's out on a date with both of us right now?" I held up the bag. "I was over at Pappadeaux waiting for him to finish talking to his mother." 
"He told me he was talking to his mom too!" She said. We both looked at this fool. He's looking at us like trying to figure out how he's going to get out of this. I said, "I rode with him so I assume you met him here?" She said yes and I asked her for a ride home. We bounced while he begged her and then me and then her to give him a minute to explain. On the way to my house we figured out he's been dating both of us "exclusively" for over four months. I invited her in and we sat and ate the Pappadeaux food like we were best friends. 
Best part of the night - Dude starts texting us not knowing that we are together. He's sending her a line, "Baby you're the only one for me, this is all a misunderstanding." And then sending the same exact thing to me. We weren't replying. He escalated sending e-cards (to both of us) and a Dwele song (to both of us) before going completely ratchet and sending the obligatory "You're going to miss this" peen pic (to BOTH of us). THEN he shows up on my doorstep an hour later (she and I were watching Waiting to Exhale) and starts banging on my door. But he's calling out her name. I swung up the door. "Do you even know which of us is which?"  He stumbled and mumbled upon seeing both of us there before he turned and walked away.
Oh, turns out he got us the exact same flowers and cookies too. What was there a 2-for-1 discount at Scumbag Valentine's R Us? 
I don't need any advice, I'm so done. Lost a man but gained a friend. She and I are going to hang out next weekend. My question to you and BougieLand is: WDDDA?
~A Bougie Friend 
Well Bougie Friend - 
Wow. Just. Wow. Okay maybe he didn't realize both of you thought your relationships were exclusive? No, I can't even pull that one together. I write fiction and I couldn't script that. uberRatchet. By the way, I'm not sure I would have done all that. I might have called a friend to come get me and rolled out. Then again, I might have done exactly this. Depending on my drink situation, I might have caused a minor scene. Then again, I know exactly where that Pappadeaux/PF Changs restaurant grouping is and I frequent them often so... Well played.

BougieLand, what part of the game.... People still try and double book? On a night like Valentine's Day? What would you have done if you were her or the other her or him even? Do share...

92 comments:

SingLikeSassy said...

Well played Bougie friend, though I'm sorry your Valentine's day was ruined and that this guy was a jerk.

SingLikeSassy said...

Also, Bougie dudes, explain why a guy would do all this lying and stuff? What does he get out of having two women think they are in exclusive relationships with them? Why not just date? Plenty of women don't need ties to do the diggity so...what gives?

MidWestDominicana said...

The poise of BougieFriend in this situation is commendable, but I think perhaps the burgeoning friendship between the ladies could potentially be messy should competition arise. However, I hope that this turns out to be an example of two women becoming truly good friends in spite of how they were brought together. Silver lining?
Like Sassy said, it's a shame that this guy lacked the testicular fortitude to be honest with both ladies.  I bet he's the type who thinks women are crazy and then says he just doesn't understand why they flip out over the littlest things....  -_-   Total lame sauce. 

All the best to you and your new amiga, BougieFriend.

Machelle said...

All i can say is WOW!!!

Jubi The Great said...

Your friend handled it the best way possible - the less than Bougie chicks would have been cussing each other out & fighting over a clearly undesirable man. Now I wanna know why he thought double-booking for Valentine's Day was a good idea, and to have both dates going at the exact same time? He couldn't do a lunch and a dinner? Or a dinner & drinks? Something other than running between two restaurants?

I need folks to do better.

maureen said...

Please say this did not really happen. #ican't

Machelle said...

He had to have a bet with his friends to see if  he could pull this off!!  Or he watches entirely to much TV!!!  Again all i can say is WOW!!

taut_7 said...

this can't be real life. i refuse to believe it. lol

BklynBajan said...

I'm proud Bougie Friend realized the problem was the dude and not the other woman. If new friend breaks down and goes back with him that's her issue (he presented who he is both of you need to believe him and move on). At the end of the day Bougie Friend gets a standing ovation from me for having the where with all not to black out.

Bougie Friend - if you didn't already do so please go back and give Sister waitress a big tip or bouquet of flowers for looking out.

Lady4Real said...

Mad love and respect to the waitress, way to look out for the sisterhood! Wow, WDDDA in deed? Dude is hella bold and hella stupid. I wonder how many times this has worked for him in the past? Glad that P.F Chang Misses didn't go all ubder ghetto and classless and try to check BougieFriend as if she was lying or something. BougieFriend has bravado, good job and very well played. Kudos to the ladies, all 3; BougieFirend, P.F Chang Miss and the Waitress.

sherants said...

Hm...Chele...I don't know if I believe this one.  You are a fiction writer after all and I am nothing if not a skeptic. 

ccb296 said...

Here’s the cold hard fact.  This friend needs to step her game WAY up.  Because a guy would only consider pulling something like this with women of a certain “level”…a low level.  I can guarantee that neither of them are worth being the one.  On top of that I would bet my next paycheck that in hindsight there were all kinds of blatantly obvious signs (which they both chose to ignore) that they weren’t the only woman he was seeing.  Sorry if the truth hurts.  But now you know better, so do better.

blackprofessor said...

Kudos to both ladies who sound like class acts and handled what could have been a disaster with grace and dignity.  I have double booked (brunch and dinner) on the same day but not when I was in a relationship and definitely  not on Valentine's Day. 

This dude gets lame of the month award because this is just dumb and shows that he lacks awareness and common sense.  

MsJamie14 said...

Seriously dude? Did you really think this was going to work? Sad to say tho, had it not been for the waitress it probably would have. Even sadder, it probably has before.

Stories like this get my dander up. Dude, get your life together. Idiot.

MsJamie14 said...

Yeah, I love how when you're a trusting person without a lot of bitterness and/or baggage you get taken for a ride.

But I do agree that there were probably signs.

JaymeC said...

I'm going to respectfully call bullshiggity. Your premise does not take into account the arrogance and ratchetery of some men. You seem to assume that only "D-quality" women get played or cheated on - that's so untrue. Some men will cut a fool no matter who they are with.

While there may have been signs that she missed out of the newness and excitement of the relationship, to make this about her shortcomings as opposed to his is shortsighted and ill-advised.

Furthermore, since I know the young lady in question no- she does not have to step her game for a guy like this who is not worth the time of day she gave him. He needs to step HIS game up or keep swimming in the shallow end.

GuessImJay said...

You know what? This sounds like something I would have tried ten years ago just to see if I could. And now, all I can is - why? Why not tell both you are dating both and let them decide if they want to stick around. Now it's Valentine's Day and you sending dry-azz d**k pictures to women who no longer want you.

I'm old. *hugs girlfriend*

SingLikeSassy said...

I bet you were the dude she was out on the date with. *screwface*

It's thinking like this that keeps us from having nice things.

SingLikeSassy said...

Now it's Valentine's Day and you sending dry-azz d**k pictures to women who no longer want you. <--JAY!!!!!!!!!!!! OK, that was too too funny

Pure Choco said...

Choco's rules of dating - Thou shalt not see other people unless it's agreed upon in advance
Thou shalt not see other people at the same day and same time you are seeing me because that's just ratchet
Thou shalt not send unsolicited junk pics - ever
Thou shalt walk away when you been cold busted and never look back

thinklikeRiley said...

This need to get etched in the #PLAYAFAIL Hall of Fame. Get dude a gold members only jacket STAT. *points and laughs* DUDE, you got BUSTED!

Uh, apologies to yo' friend girl - she ont need dat. 

Jeannette said...

I know exactly where this is... this is around the corner from me.. and I missed out on all the action? LOL... wow!!! 

Sasha in Stilettos said...

 HA!

law$oncomp said...

Um...are you sure that you didn't make this up? This story makes me really grateful for the boring life I lead. The only V-day acknowledgement in my house was the cupcakes I got for the partner and kids. I hope your friend gave that waitress a big tip for her information. Glad she also made a new friend. Sisterhood is powerful.

law$oncomp said...

Shallow end? I'd say a puddle.

Sasha in Stilettos said...

On the one hand, I hate that this happened to her. I doubt I would have been that gracious. On the other hand, I'm glad she knows now before she got in any deeper.

Trey Charles said...

What a difference a year makes!

Lady4Real said...

Your ignorance and avatar do not mix well (you are the bottom rung of ratcheness that dares pledge the awesomeness of Omega Psi Phi). He is a dog and should be glad that he didn't get whacked in the head with a rolled up newspaper with a lead pipe hidden inside. Beautiful, intelligent, wonderful women are played everyday just because a dog is a dog and always want to play. You "Sir" need to sit ALL the way down and shut ALL the way up.

Trey Charles said...

I never understood the double booking throughput yield. Seems like a lot of time and effort. Are you hoping to take both home at the end of the night? And on Valentine's Day? C'mon, son.

GrownAzzMan said...

First of all BAWAHAHA! Player card permanently revoked. Wow. Too bad dude doesn't read this blog. Brothas gots to be more careful. 

GrownAzzMan said...

I can't explain how or why we end up in these situations. Maybe he thought things would go better if the women thought they were the only one. It has happened to me before #dontjudge but I still can't tell you why.

GrownAzzMan said...

I'm with Jay on this one. Bougie true confession: Been there, done that. Dating two women 'exclusively' at the same time ALWAYS ends badly.

TrulyPC said...

Others have already called you out on your apparent psychosis.  So,  I will say this.  Men that choose to do things like this might want to think long and hard about the various different negative outcomes.  To intentionally deceive someone takes planning and utilizes the forethought that should have halted the bad decision in the first place. 

He is lucky that he was dealing with rational grown women because I have seen the opposite and it wasn't pretty.

M Dot said...

Beyond being trife, this seems absurd. 

One: it's ri-damb-diculous.  Running back and forth between restaurants? WTDDA?  Apparently, I know where they do.  I need you to move out of my city. Like right now.

Two: what was the goal? Unless you're going leave to the one you picked up stuck with no ride home.  

Three: You're wasting a woman's time, and they will both rightfully have a chip on their respective dating shoulders for months, maybe years to come.  I pray for the brother who meets one of them next.  With my luck, I will meet them both.  In succession.

He should be fitted with an ankle monitor so he can't be more than 200' from his house for the next milllenium. No outside for you.  

SingLikeSassy said...

He didn't do a risk analysis cause that would have told him that there was no winning this game.

ishtar_79 said...

This is the best story ever.  EVER!!!!!  Dude thought he was playing y'all, but he was really playing himself.

Jubi The Great said...

Could you imagine what the FMEA would look like?

TrulyPC said...

Just. Say. No. 

Guys that juggle hearts for sport thinking that they are earning some type of player credit are potentially opening themselves up to complete and utterly ratchet consequences.  Geez and men wonder why women get tired.  There is too much bullshiggity in the air. 

Valentine Stupid was very lucky he was dealing with rational grown women.  There are some women that are willing to be "one of many" so go choose one of them.  Date being completely above board and keep it moving. 

And to Bougie Friend,  well done!

 

ccb296 said...

Dag!  Personal attacks?  Really?  Ok, I'll just let it all go, especially the rant by "fatlady".  Because I'm assuming that y'all are just acting out because you have been suckered into similar situations as a result of your obvious and warranted low self esteem.

M Dot said...

it just dawned on me...due to the proximity of said restaurants this is not the first time he's done this

Leo the Yardie Chick said...

Oh my damn. This is just......wow. I can't even.....seriously, I am unable to can at this dude. Can't can at all!

Monica Mingo said...

DAMN GINA!

OneChele said...

#SixSigmaFlow

OneChele said...

Exactly! I'm there on the regular and have seen some shenanigans in my day, heck - I've been part of some shenanigans (relive the good times here: 
http://www.blacknbougie.com/2010/04/date-night-movie-was-quite-amusing-real.html) but this takes the cake.

OneChele said...

Like always always.

OneChele said...

Don't you start.

OneChele said...

Whoa. For real?

jake said...

*scans comments... pumps brakes*
How is it that some dude found a way to make this about the women and not the man?
What's that life like?

ccb296 said...

No I wouldn't even consider a situation like that.  That's why I see the response from certain people as nothing more than an attempt to deal with their own issues.

SingLikeSassy said...

Only one person around here has low self-esteem. *stares at ccb296*

ishtar_79 said...

Trolling is a pretty awful font, Carl.  It's rough on the eyes.  Maybe you should switch it up.

William Martin said...

 Sometimes we just have to try things to see if we can get away with it? whacktastic answer but there it is. 

William Martin said...

So he was dating two women, Cupid Day comes along and this is the best solution to the problem that he could come up with? I question how he got the women in the first place. Brother must be Mandingo, Denzel and Idris  all rolled into one. SMH

MsJamie14 said...

LOL. We all have bad dating experiences, so the chip may not materialize. It seemed early enough in the "relationship," hopefully the feelings did not get too deep. Besides, homey was doing way. too. much! I'd count my blessings things were revealed when they were and not penalize the next man.

Had this happend after a year or so...yeah some windows may have been busted out and those ladies might have required a warning label. LOL 

SingLikeSassy said...

And maybe we see your initial response in the same way.... -->nothing more than an attempt to deal with your own issues.

Slimuel L. Jackson said...

This story is OD. Funny. But OD. I can't believe dude was running back and forth between venues. I can't believe he sent a pic of piece as a grand finale. I can't believe he did the exact same thing for both women. I can believe that he's been bragging to his boys about his two-timing. Laughing and ish when he clicked submit on that 1800flowersandcookies.com order form. 

SMH. 

Tonda Williams said...

His failure to do so, is a clear indication of his LACK of intelligence...... Risk Analysis is VITAL!

bashowell said...

First of all props to Bougie Friend because THAT was the ultimate way to handle that.  Also that waitress would get a 100% tip for lookin' out.  But wow...just...wow.  I don't even think I could be mad after living through that because it's just so extra.  I... 

GrownAzzMan said...

Broken link?

bashowell said...

Delete the parens @ the end (goes back to reading)

GrownAzzMan said...

It was a little more expensive but I do remember going to the same concerts/plays/movies twice just so I didn't slip up and say "remember when we saw..." at the wrong time. IJS

Tonda Williams said...

I'm standing on THIS with you. I REFUSE to believe this is real..REFUSE...

Tonda Williams said...

I absolutely have NO WORDS.  I simply can not fathom ANY set of circumstances that could occur making this SEEM like a viable solution to ANY ONE of sound mind. CLEARLY dude is NOT of sound mind...*Le Huge Damn Sigh*

BklynBajan said...

http://www.blacknbougie.com/2010/04/date-night-movie-was-quite-amusing-real.html

Lady4Real said...

"BWHAHAHAHAHAH" You "Sir" are not worth anymore characters.

tishatweets said...

Oooh wee! That cat is shady.com

I do have to say she's.......a different woman than me. Even though I know Date Across the Street (DAS) did nothing wrong, I have to be honest and say that my feelings would have been hurt by Fail Cat and therefore nothing in me would have wanted to sit up and kee-kee and watch Waiting to Exhale with DAS. Great fodder for stories, bad for the heart. IJS.

All that said, I'm glad composure was maintained by both women. Sometimes we have to do what is prudent (i.e. not act a plum fool behind a man that clearly doesn't give two craps about us) despite feeling like we want to do everything but.

Karma is so cold-blooded. And precise. This cat better watch out.

OneChele said...

fixed:
http://www.blacknbougie.com/2010/04/date-night-movie-was-quite-amusing-real.html 

Only1DivaC said...

All I have to say to men that like to pull these shenanigans is please purchase A Thin Line Between Love and Hate as well as Fatal Attraction. Also, take a look at Snapped on WeTV. You catch the wrong woman at the wrong time with this shiggity you will get got real quick.  

Mr. Skyywalker said...

A few things bother me about this - 1) Flower bouquet - what is she, your Grandmother?
2) Dude needs to scroll back and look at your statement last week re: Daisies and Roses
3) Dude is lucky he didn't get red chile sauce splashed in his eyes
4) I don't understand the two ladies with the instabonding, that could backfire
5) Waiting to Exhale tho?

Andrea M said...

 Scorned: Love Kills will wake him up as well

cw90 said...

Wow, all I can say is...that waitress should be given flowers and some candy for letting the lady know what was up.

ASmith said...

And this was really all I had to add to the convo.  That waitress was yet looking out!

ASmith said...

Idk dude... you got stats to back up this general statement you're making?  Like a study that says 60% of men admit that if they were dating a low-level woman, they would two-time the situation?  Preferably printed in a peer-reviewed journal?  Cause... I'm all ears out here.  Otherwise, if this is just what you and your four friends would do, that's not a fair assessment of the situation.

Meantime... I scrolled all up and through, even hit Ctrl+F and typed "fatlady" into the box, but I didn't see a user by that name.  Maybe you could help direct me?  I like to be thorough when catching up in BougieLand

Brenda Kay said...

What I want to know is how did this clown possibly convince himself that the evening was going to end well? What was the thought process that went into believing that he wouldn't get caught out? 

Bougie Friend and the other young lady handled this situation with complete class and dignity - much more than the clown deserved. 

rozb said...

So...you are the ratched double-dating ninja. Unless you just like opening your mouth so hot garbage can come flying out. <=== This is a cold, hard fact.

Now that you know better, maybe you can do better. Bye, son!

rozb said...

"...dry-azz d**ck pictures..." Dead.

SpkTruth2Pwr said...

What. The. Heck.  I thought this ish only happened in movies.  

rozb said...

He is lucky he wasn't dating women who would've, as Bernie Mac would say "Buss him upside the head 'til the white meat shows." However - dignity and class ruled the day. This was better than ending up on Snapped or a random Discovery ID crime show.

Was he coming back to the table breathing all hard and ish? All that sprinting back and forth can mess up dress clothes...

mojitochica said...

Yep. boiled bunnies crossed my mind too.

GammasWorld said...

Wow.  Just wow.  Bougie Friend equals all class .   The only thing in this tale that would have set my radar off was that he had to step outside to talk to "mama".  What he got to say to mama that he couldn't say at the table.  But that's 30+ years of shiggity built up and in my most doggish tales I wouldn't have thought dude was doing a double date across the street.  At most, I would have thought he was calling a side chick   Samantha had this dilemma on an episode of Bewitched -- she got busted too.    

Andrea M said...

 #TeamHelpfulAssedWaitress

GrownAzzMan said...

Oh I remember now. A Bougieland classic. "I got you for an appetizer cause you are worth it" Definition of #hollafail

Angel Blanca said...

Wow. I've got nothing else to say  beyond that. Dude was truly clueless; once you're that busted, just chalk it up to experience and move on (hopefully in ONE direction).

I must say, I like the way all three of the women in this situation looked out for each other, and I'm glad a friendship came out of this really tacky mess.

I spent Valentine's Day working and then reading, and, like you Chele, could not imagine such a scenario. Of course, now that I think about it, that's the very type of thing that would happen in DC, land of everyone knows everyone, and there are many men trying to run similar game.

C Nelson said...

I ... I don't even know. The man has guts, though, doesn't he? And kudos to BougieFriend for not making it about the other woman, when it's the cheating male behind it all.

tiffanyinhouston said...

 When you know better, you learn to recognize immaturity, silliness and douche baggery on the internet too.

tiffanyinhouston said...

Not only is this just DUMB, it's expensive! So he thought that running a track meet on V-Day was the business???

Bougie Friend handled this much better than I would have, I must say. A scene would have been caused, more than likely.

Lady Ngo said...

They don't hear you tho! 
I tell my male friends (that are scumbags) this stuff all the time. People end up on the back of milk cartons or running through the woods looking for dismembered peens for much less! SMH

Miz JJ said...

I remember when you were live tweeting that. Good times :)

BlakjacQ said...

I can't even get into the fact that this story actually happened. Wasn't this an episode or two of some bad 80's sitcoms...? Does this really happen out in Single Land???

MaxineShaw said...

You paid for the meal? You're better than me

Brittany Geneva said...

O_O
This can't be real life.
Shoutout to him sending y'all the same messages at the same time!

JustooPrissy said...

I had a similar event happened to me the other girl lived in my building.

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