Friday, February 03, 2012

Think you're "grown"? 5 ways to prove it



Grown \ˈgrōn\- adj. Having achieved full growth. Possessing maturity. Produced or cultivated in a certain way.

We've talked a lot this week about being grown - as in putting away childish things and  being responsible for one's own actions and decisions. We've heard a lot of people claiming to be grown. And I think we can all agree it's not so much an age as a state of being. You don't get magically "grown" on your whateverth birthday. It's an evolution, a destination, a place to which (unfortunately) not everyone arrives. We all know one or two people "of a certain age" who act like they are one step out of kindergarten. That Peter Pan Syndrome is nothing to play with.

So you say you're grown... here are five ways to prove it:

1. Act like it - Children whine, point fingers, pout when they don't get their own way, find it hard to articulate their feelings, throw tantrums, cry with little provocation, require guidance, a steady stream of feedback, supervision and positive reinforcement. If more than two of these sound like your modus operandi - you needs to grow up.

2. Look like it - There comes an age whereupon  it's not cute to dress like an extra for a 90s New Jack video - male or female.  Sloppy, slouchy, slovenly - not three "S" words you want regularly attached to you. Sexy, suave/sophisticated or stylish sound a little closer to the mark. Certain occasions call for certain clothes. It's always better to be overdressed than underdressed. Proceed accordingly. Your hair is an outward reflection of you - is that really what you're trying to convey? Ladies - lipstick should match your skin tone first, your outfit second. Eye shadow should be a whisper, not a shout. Eyeliner should be more nuance and less Nefertiti. If you're unclear, hie thee to a professional and catch a clue.

3. Speak like it - Grown ups should know their audience during conversational forays. There's a time and a place to share "urban colloquialisms" - if you are in doubt, fall back on the Queen's English. If you don't know what that is, you probably stumbled onto the wrong blog. Google and come back. We'll wait. Nothing says "infantile" like a person who can not articulate two or three intelligent thoughts together in a sentence. I'm pleading, have something to say about yourself. One or two sentences for all occasions. Trust me on this.

4. Live like it - Hmm. How to put this? You can only get away with a 10-year old lumpy mattress on the floor and a TV on a three legged plant stand for so long. At some point, get next to a Walmart or an Ikea to get some "I'm tryna be grown" furniture until you afford some Thomasville or Ethan Allen. Fellas, I cannot impress upon you the importance of decent linens and bath towels. Nothing says "My right hand is my Valentine" like tore up faded superhero sheets and towels of indistinguishable color. Target is your friend. The end cap near aisle 21 is there for you. You don't have to ascend to 500-thread count (right away) but if you are past 23, you need to be at 250 thread count - bare minimum. I mean it. Everybody - your refrigerator needs to hold more than last week's takeout pizza and a pitcher of Kool-aid. There is a rotisserie chicken, a bag of salad and a 90-second microwaveable package of Uncle Ben's rice waiting for you at your closest grocers. Make that happen.

5. Think like it - Looking back is only good if you reflect, dissect and move forward with some lessons learned. Having no discernible plan for the future is careless. To think like an adult you must actually have some sense of direction and a plan to head there. You must embrace a value system and live by it. Principles become less waffly and ideals are turned into actions. In short, you have a brain... use it. That's what grown ups do.

As Clay said yesterday - here endeth the lesson. BougieLand - thoughts, insights, opinons? Anything to add?

61 comments:

Angela said...

Excellent summary!!!

thinklikeRiley said...

Amen sister Chele. Amen.
Please append the list to:
"HANDLE YO' BIDNESS" - don't be waiting around for yo mama, cuz, gran-gran, baby boo to keep yo lights on. 

tishatweets said...

Basically.

But....he needs to know I'm not sleeping on any rough behind 250 thread-count sheets. #bougie LOL

CaliGirlED said...

Bravo!!!

"Certain occasions call for certain clothes. It's always better to be overdressed than underdressed. Proceed accordingly."...I really wish people would buy into this ideology!

If you can't identify with any of the 5 things listed above, find you some grown folks to add to your circle.  If you're grown, it's ok to be young at heart, but being young minded is no bueno.

Michele said...

I cry with little provocation, but I'm pretty sure that's hormones. ;)

TrulyPC said...

Love it.

2. To the ladies.  Wearing the see-through leggings without a long top or a dress over it is not a good look.  If the tag can be seen through the leggings then uh...
4. The paper blinds that you pick up at Home Depot are meant to be temporary.  The accordion design is not a decor element.
5. Stop thinking that the S/O should want to hang in there with you into perpetuity if you don't have a plan for your life.

M Dot said...

Funny post. 

I remember back when I graduated college...I thought I was doing it big at the store when I saw 250 cont sheets. Got them home and they were so thin I could see my hand through the sheets. Lesson learned.  Ikea... is meant to accent your home not dominate all your furniture. You need some furniture that was not assembled with an Allen wrench.  You need some real forks, knives, etc.  If you have a luxury car in the garage but have those bootleg utensils with the colored plastic handle, I'm judging.  (and DO NOT act like you don't know what I'm talking about).If you have the new TV sitting on top of the old console TV like Mom n'em, I'm going to need you to gon'head and sit that out on the curb for bulk trash pickup.  

TrulyPC said...

If you have a luxury car in the garage but have those bootleg utensils
with the colored plastic handle, I'm judging.  (and DO NOT act like you
don't know what I'm talking about).

*hollering*
Dated someone that did this.

Jason P said...

*Makes note to step up thread count game*

AnnettePearl said...

*catches Holy Ghost and begins shouting*
Number 2, Number 2, Number 2!!!
Jay-Z put on a suit when he turned 40, others should follow this example.
There is a difference between day makeup and night makeup. Stop coming to work looking like you're auditioning for Dance Fever. (Who remembers Dance Fever?)
Shoes can make or break an outfit - yours don't need to look like they are held together with super glue, magic marker and duct tape. I mean this for the ladies and the gents.

Whew. I feel better now.

GrownAzzMan said...

BAWAHAWAAAA!   Not the TV on top of the console TV like Mom n'em...

blackprofessor said...

Awesome and quite appropriate after yesterday's post!

A few more to add
Mean what you say and say what you mean!
Your words and deeds should align. We all have our off days but consistency is a great thing.
Character matters! Work on having good character.
Don't pretend to be something you aren't to impress anyone.  Eventually you will be exposed as a fraud.

Ladies
I need the ladies to do better and stop with the ratchet weaves! If I can tell you are wearing a weave, something is amiss.  If your hair texture is kinky and you are rocking silky Remy 1B, something is wrong.   If I can see where your tracks are sewn in, go back and start over.   

blackprofessor said...

How about if you have a luxury car in the garage but your lights/gas/phone has been cut off? So not bougie!

William Martin said...

How about you are 32, still working on fries at McDonald's talking about "one of these days" - no.  Please discover something called ambition and get next to it. At least move up to burgers and shakes.

LikeLena said...

Make a decision, act on it, and stand behind it. (side-eyeing Kendrick and Janae from yesterday's post)
Grown folks own up to their shiggity, good bad or ugly.

Man's World said...

 I'm at the damned Target right now. Navy sheets, 300 thread count on clearance for $24.99. Purchased.

BklynBajan said...

Well said.

maureen said...

"I need the ladies to do better and stop with the ratchet weaves! If I can tell you are wearing a weave, something is amiss.  If your hair texture is kinky and you are rocking silky Remy 1B, something is wrong.   If I can see where your tracks are sewn in, go back and start over." <------ this.right.here is the reason I'm sporting short hair do.

Sasha Iman said...

I know this here recession has knocked a lot of people off their game, but that paycheck to paycheck struggle?..... Grown folks aren't about that life.

bashowell said...

Around here it's "Yeah I'm tryina do my thang... Tryina get my producin' set up..."  Sir, you are 47.  Get a real job.

CaliGirlED said...

THIS----->#4

#2 is such a violation! I won't even let my teenager wear leggings without a long top! Every now and then she slides by with one that hits the upper thigh area, with a side-eye from me. But I prefer the long tops to be more like short dresses.

CaliGirlED said...

 THIS ^^!!!

CaliGirlED said...

"There is a difference between day makeup and night makeup. Stop coming
to work looking like you're auditioning for Dance Fever. (Who remembers
Dance Fever?)"...DEAD

And yes I remember Dance Fever and Danny Terrio!!! (sp?)

NY2VA said...

The grand opening of "The Weave Cafe" seems to be a big deal in Baltimore tomorrow. They've been advertising  on the radio for weeks.  I pray that the crowd will be sparse but I know that it won't be because  for the low low price for $50 my sistas  can get a quick weave, have a latte and enjoy a pastry.  I wish I was lying.

http://theweavecafeonline.com/menu.php 

CaliGirlED said...

 Ladies
I need the ladies to do better and stop with the ratchet
weaves! If I can tell you are wearing a weave, something is amiss.  If
your hair texture is kinky and you are rocking silky Remy 1B, something
is wrong.   If I can see where your tracks are sewn in, go back and
start over.

We need this ^^on billboards, bus stop benches, flyers, pamphlets, brochures,  t-shirts, seminars, commercials, infomercials, all o dat!!!

NY2VA said...

And then after Danny Terrio left Adrian Zamed started hosting (jumping the shark like a mug.) I loved Dance Fever, but  I remember always wishing that  the couples would dance like the people on Soul Train.

CaliGirlED said...

 32??? You should be manager working on area or regional!...Had a convo last night about McDonald's dating and steakhouse dating. McDonalds is in high school or  college, both struggling and just want to eat and spend sometime together! LOL

CaliGirlED said...

 $50??? Shiiiid ratted horse hair is going to be slapped on top of heads like it's nobody's business!!! Lawd help!

OneChele said...

Boooo.

OneChele said...

Gold glitter eye shadow to match the hot pants? Get down and boogie with yo' bad self! <~~ I know, I just aged myself

Trey Charles said...

Nothing says "infantile" like a person who can not articulate two or three intelligent thoughts together in a sentence. Indeed ma'am. Indeed.

mlisaac said...

Great list!  My addition could fall under #1, but I'd prefer to let it stand on its own:

6. Treat People Like It - Listen to others and respect their opinions, even if you don't agree.  Honor people's boundaries and stated comfort levels; don't be a habitual line-stepper or try to make someone feel bad for articulating their desires. Don't take advantage of someone's weakness, even if they're a willing participant.  Basically, treat people the way you'd like to be treated.

aishao1122 said...

Wow that first one sounds like the young woman who was given the boot at my job recently. I mean two hour hissy fit about why they couldn't fire her. She went through four of the five stages of grief, before the boss threatened to call the cops for disrupting the workplace & she finally left. We had to change locks on the cabinets and doors because she refused to return her keys saying she didn't have them O_o how where you getting stuff from the medroom then?? Le sigh
I love this list, will print and share with my male friends who still have the 'college' look going for their apartments, it's no longer acceptable.
Thanks for sharing this post

Leo the Yardie Chick said...

 Isn't that how the B.A.P.S. movie ended?

Leo the Yardie Chick said...

 You did not just say 'ratted horse hair'. *dead*

NY2VA said...

I can honestly say that I have never seen BAPS.  

invectiva said...

"Nothing says 'My right hand is my Valentine.'..."  <-- *dead*

Nothing to add that hasn't already been covered. Just noting that henceforth, all my birthdays will be the whateverth. 

Leo the Yardie Chick said...

It's cool. I think USA carried it WAY back one day, and I was home bored. The two main characters had a restaurant/beauty salon in the end; "Get eggs with your extensions!".

CaliGirlED said...

"She went through four of the five stages of grief, before the boss
threatened to call the cops for disrupting the workplace & she
finally left."...Oh my!

motown_skater said...

i have yet to learn not to read B n' B while drinking water.....

She went through four of the five stages of grief..... <<<~~~choked...LOLOL...

Angel Blanca said...

Slain at: "My right hand is my Valentine"

aishao1122 said...

I mean she really let all the crazy come out: " I'm calling so & so I'm shutting this place down, your a jerk, a mother f** & that's why the staff hates you; Your firing me when I have all this going on in my personal life I need an income, my six kids are moving back in with me, I'm getting out of an abusive relationship; I'm not the only one who is doing this, I'm just the one you choice to go after, I just need a break and then I can come back with my head on straight. Why should you care about me? You don't care, your just a heartless b**ch" O_O 

Meanwhile your being removed from your position for incompetence & more= failure as a nurse;  so it comes down to: Magnate hospital vs Bitter ex employee. Let's be real, who does she really think is going to come out on top in this scenario?? 

aishao1122 said...

:P

CaliGirlED said...

 But putting her business out on display like that was a major #Fail! And after all that did she really expect the boss to say, "Ok you're right, we'll give you another chance."??? WDDDA

Rubie said...

Shoot I am good and grown and still living check to check sadly not because I ball out (not on these pennies) I have two degrees and still don't make 50K (and no I don't think that is alot of money either). I have been looking for a new gig for over two yrs. Resume has been re done 100x, networking, Linkden you name it I have tried it. Bills Bills Bills and not credit cards either. I am working on re building my savings but please believe the STRUGGLE is real for me and plenty of others out here but GOD......

CaliGirlED said...

Hopefully she'll never have to find out up close and personal.

Brenda Kay said...

I can do you one better Bashowell - 52 years old man hustling for DJing jobs and taking about he's got an "entertainment company" - a company with one employee. :-/

Brenda Kay said...

Stop! This can't be true...

CaliGirlED said...

#Fail

Brenda Kay said...

#EpicFail

Sasha Iman said...

That's why I said I know the recession has knocked people off their game.

In general though, and barring anything else like 3 mouths to feed on a salary of 30k or medical issues, I stand by my comment.

Sol_dier said...

oh the memories. 
Luxury car? please have money to fill your tank, stop springing that gas station stop surprise on us.

Sol_dier said...

Not everyman is trying to pimp you, not every woman is after your change.
We are all grown and we all have baggage but grown folk do not to use their baggage as a battering ram on every damn thing. 

Control yourself and your bitterness or GTFU. So your childhood sweetheart broke your heart?. It was TEN years ago. Dude/duddette... move on. 

Rubie said...

Stand by it all you like we all have opinions and I wasn't trying to change yours one way or the other.   

Brenda Kay said...

It is oh so easy to stand back, look down our noses and make off handed statements about what "grown folks aren't about". Well, part of being grown is recognizing that life is all about changes - good and bad. A so-called perfect life can change in an instant, an absolute blink of an eye. 

In this economy, having a job is a blessing. I know plenty of folks who are less than one month's salary away from disaster. As CaliGirlED very wisely said, hopefully no one has to find out up close and personal how rough it can be. 

Sol_dier said...

unfortunately, pay check to pay check living has been the modus operandi of many middle class families for generations. The recession has simply laid that out in the open.

For decades (almost a century) the West has built itself on leveraged debt and easy credit in order to fuel economic growth. 

Saying you won't buy X cos you can't afford it sometimes leaves you even further behind the field. Can't afford an internet connection? say goodbye to possible trading on ebay and stay at home money making opportunities e.t.c.

There's a heck of a lot more to it and this is already a tangent, so I['ll just end by saying. 
Many of us despite our talents are lucky to be in the position we are in. Yes, I said lucky. 
You can work as hard as you like, be as independent as you want and still be in a position where u are living paycheck to paycheck.

Sasha, empathy opens your eyes to a heck of a lot more. 

Brneyed1 said...

Sasha,  I think I feel where you're coming from.

I used to live paycheck to paycheck....didn't know any better.  Everyone I knew lived that way. I thought that was "just how life is." The phrase "when I get my next check" was a constant. And for a long while I was cool with that.  I was at least GETTING a paycheck, right?  So what was the big deal??   I stayed in that mode of thought until on day I received a phone call that opened my eyes and forever changed my view of my finances.

I made a lot of choices that were unpopular with my family/friends after that call.  Hard choices. I gave up lots of stuff that everyone else seemed to think were mandatory.  I didn't go places, I didn't do things, didn't buy stuff.  I lived a very non-bougie, un-grown-up life for a span of about 10 years trying to improve my game. A sistah had a plan and was working it longer, harder, and with more determination than her real job.

The point is, I made a decision not to live that way purposely.  And that is what this entire list is about, isn't it?  Choosing not to live in a certain way on purpose.

Living paycheck to paycheck because life has driven you down that road is one thing; not choosing to take the wheel and make a detour with your life is another.

CaliGirlED said...

*claps slowly* Bottom line, being grown is not about living paycheck to paycheck . Being grown is about being responsible, and there are a lot of people being more responsible from check to check than some people out there who are bringing in major $$. Also, there are a lot of people who are making six and seven figures and yet are living paycheck to paycheck.

Bnkjn said...

Every single one of you bitches is a fuckin loser. Haha, sorry ass hos.

Bnkjn said...

And how the fuck you wanna talk about being grown, but your favorite book genre is romantic women's fiction? Bitch, the only one here whose right hand is their valentine is you. Ol tore up southern drag queen lookin heffer.

Sasha Iman said...

Not sure I feel differently about the matter but I appreciate the discourse.

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