Monday, February 20, 2012

I don't seek validation in 140 characters or less... nor should you


Watching TV and following major events while tweeting is a favorite pastime of mine. It's both enjoyable and irksome at the same time. I don't have as much time to indulge as I used to so when I'm on, I tend to get dive in and (for the most part) enjoy. In the past ten days, a few things that I watched while tweeting were the Grammys, a CNBC documentary on online dating, a PBS documentary Slavery by Another Name, and Whitney Houston's memorial service.

It must be said - one of the most infuriating things about social media is that people feel the need to critique your thoughts and emotions. No it's more than critique, there are people who exist to either dissect and oppose the things you express or vehemently try to get you to agree with them.

First of all, far too many of you are far too invested in these celebrity's lives. Does someone think Nicki Minaj is personally offended that I felt generationally challenged and musically confused by her Grammy performance?  Was it necessary for people to insist that there was no difference between Rihanna's tousled blond look (which I wasn't feeling) and Tina Turner's back in the day (which I loved)? Am I wrong for saying I gave not two shakes of a damn what went down with Bobby Brown at Whitney's memorial? It was Whitney's day, I can worry and wonder (or not) about Bobby after the woman has been laid to rest. Out of respect for the solemnity of the moment, I did not shade Tyler Perry or R-uh Kelly for their appearances at Whitney's memorial. Doncha know folks took time to call me a hypocrite. "But you HATE Tyler Perry." No. I don't. But whatever I feel for him and his body of work had no place at a ceremony where he was honoring a friend of his and an icon of mine.

Second of all, way too many people speak authoritatively and completely incorrectly at the same damn time. If I'm watching a documentary that says over 36 million people are on online dating services, how are you going to come at me with - "there a lot of desperate people out there." Stop. Yes there is some thirst but are you really making the leap that 36 million single people are desperate? I mean, c'mon, really? Then (and you'll love this one) while I was watching with horror and heavy heart at the treatment of African Americans in the early 1900's, I commented that unfortunately many of these closed-minded and narrow assumptions about people of color are still alive and well today. To which I was told to "get over it, stop playing the race card." Oh.

Third of all, stop telling people how to grieve. Seriously. This must stop immediately. Whatever way people have of dealing with grief - as long as it's not turning your world inside out - leave them be. Did it matter that some people who hadn't listened to a Whitney song since '92 were in mourning? Was their grief lessened because they had not steadfastly supported her over the last two decades? GTFOH with that. Every time a tragedy takes place, people go on the attack. As if you have to justify what you feel and why.

Lastly, stop assuming you know everything there is to know about somebody from following them on twitter, reading their blogs, whatever. My favorite (<~~sarcasm) tweet from Saturday was the following, "Chele, I didn't realize you were this religious. You never tweet or post about Jesus." Should I emblazon a flaming cross into the header of BnB? Should I hashtag all my tweets with #inJesusName? Can't I be a person of faith without tattooing the commandments on one ass cheek and the beattitudes on the other? Okay, that was a little snarky but Jesus knows how I meant that... :-/ 

Since when are our opinions not our own? Since when do our emotions need the validation of a mob to be legitimate? You feel what you feel. Others can disagree, so be it. Repeat after me: It is what it is. And sometimes that has absolutely nothing to do with me. 

Let folks live, won't you? Our time here is short. How about people get in touch with and own up to their own emotions and behavior before calling out other folks? Hmm? What would that world look like? Le Sigh.

BougieLand... thoughts, comments, insights?

56 comments:

Ms_Toni said...

WOO SAH, girl! WOO SAH!

Anything that you post on a social network is always subject to discussion but that doesn't mean it should be. I know I used to get mad and riled up about people commenting on what I say in some kind of outlandish and eccentric way (which means they usually proceed to tell me how I'm wrong and occasionally throw in an insult) but now I just ignore em. Or respond with "Oh. (._. )"  They hate that. LOL

Tonda Williams said...

Chele:

I was NOT aware that you profess to be a friend of "MY" Jesus, so on behalf of ALL of his churren errywhere that genuinely can NOT face another day unless you wear your WWJD apparel 24/7/365, YES Imma need you to:

Tweet or post about Jesus, emblazon a flaming cross into the header of BnB, hashtag all your tweets with #inJesusName, tattoo the commandments on one ass cheek and the beattitudes on the other, mmkay? THANKS and have a Jesus,#MOURNINGWhitney, #ILOVETylerPerry,#BUYINGALLOFRuhKellyMUSICMOVINGFORWARD, filled day.#HALLELUJAH

Linda said...

YES to all of that!! Thank you for writing it. I hope the people who need to read it most, will.

thinklikeRiley said...

First lemme say - you were tweeting in da zone during Whitney's memorial. I ain't even say nuthin', I just read each one like - yup and amen.

So whatcha need to do to make folks happy, see? Getchu an outfit with the American flag, a cross and a black power fist in it. Hold up a CBrezzy CD and a Tyler Perry DVD, then take you a picture and make that your background here and on facebook and on da Twittuh. Now ev'body happy. *crosses arms and frowns hard*

Tonda Williams said...

oh I forgot....
Love,
Tonda~ 

Melzie said...

Chele, thanks for saving me time and a headache. You've expressed the numerous thoughts that have been on my mind in the past week or so.

Was it Bobby's fault....we weren't around during the years of slavery so stop blaming me...blah friggin' blah blah

I'm tired of the nonsense. Like you said, some think that they're so clever trying to dissect issues they have no experience with or knowledge of. It's ri-damn-diculous. There's nothing like death or the struggle of another to bring out hypocrisy from near and far.

ASmith said...

Yes!  Yes!  Let this church say amen.

I'm really with you on the grief thing.  So many people felt led to take their time to get on twitter and comment about how rude they thought it was that folks were watching Whitney's funeral.  My goodness people... WHEN are folks going to learn that everyone doesn't do anything alike and grieving is seriously one of those individual things?  You grieve how you want to, and I'ma do it how I want to and we're gonna all live to see tomorrow (or the next 2  minutes anyway).

Oh and folks have been getting far too familiar with others on twitter.  I've had it happen to me and I see it happening to others.  There's just now way you can you know everything about me from twitter.  You might know a lot but even then you know a lot of what I want you to know so chill out.  I be wanting to encourage pump braking at least 3 times each day.  We can be real cool, we can even bee past just "twitter friends" but unless you and I have regular interactions off twitter t'ain't no way you can claim to know anything for sure.

*head nod* Word, Chele.  Word.

Brneyed1 said...

@OneChele, uh, can I say, HALLELUYERRRR!!

Some folk on Twitter need to log off and get a life.  Uh-oh, am I gonna get slammed for that?  I'm sorry. I forgot that my opinions are not my own, and are subject to massive amounts of analysis and ridicule.
Aaaaaanywho....some folk on Twitter need to log off and get a life (yeah, I repeated it).  If I waited for validation from Twitter, I probably would have jumped off of the Sears Tower by now.  #My140 are for me...if folk like 'em, good.  If they don't, still good.

Cheryl said...

As someone who is still adjusting to all these social network entities, I still find myself amazed at the commentary that goes back and forth. Many feel as if they are compelled to comment on each and every subject posted. There are times I run across a posted comment, smh, and keep it moving. Why should I engage in dialogue with someone I don't remotely know or care about? If it is something I find interesting I read it, and if really interesting, I share it with those I actually know and we discuss among ourselves. I am picky about what subjects I may include my two-cents to online, and will admit it is a rarity when I do.

Now, I am aware that defeats the purpose of social networking per se. However, I am one of those who feels my every thought or comments need not be forever immortalized in cyberspace.

So to your point Chele, I believe folks are caught up and extremely vested in the wrong things; people it ain't that serious...

JoycelynC said...

" Can't I be a person of faith without tattooing the commandments on one ass cheek and the beattitudes on the other?"<--- That has got to be one of the most real yet hilarious statements I have read in a while. 

I must co-sign everything you said here.  People think having access to others via social media gives them the right to force their opinions down others throats.  I'm not on twitter but I have seen this play out on Facebook especially during awards shows. 

Sol_dier said...

can we laminate this post and stick it on virtual doors on these interwebs?
Especially this stop telling people how to grieve 

I'd also like to add: A little empathy for others goes a long way. 

Leon X said...

Simply put, Your Opinion does not equal A Fact

MsJamie14 said...

Amen Chele. I'm not a big fan of Twitter, while I'm on there, I just can't all the foolishness on there.

I know some people out there don't agree with some of my tweets and my response is always "it's my opinion, why do you care about it?" If one is secure in their life and life choices, nothing I can post should really affect you ESPECIALLY if I'm not even addressing you. The pushback I see is just baffling to me.

TheMochaPeach said...

THAT LAST ONE IS REAL!!! seriosuly..... *sigh* Ninjas!

GuessImJay said...

One of the reasons I only tweet sporadically and I haven't fully immersed in social media is that people seem not to be very interested and judgmental about the simplest thing. I tweeted once about going to dinner and got 15 replies about being a player. Wait - going to Chipotle for a burrito makes me a player? How? What? Why? Never mind.

CaliGirlED said...

Ok I knew you were mad, but when I read this part, I actually got a little scared, "Can't I be a person of faith
without tattooing the commandments on one ass cheek and the beattitudes
on the other?"

You are furious and rightfully so! I can't believe you caught this much hell just tweeting your thoughts!!! That's just crazy! Jesus be some business for these people, PLEASE!

Bottomline is exactly what you said, "No it's more than critique, there are
people who exist to either dissect and oppose the things you express or
vehemently try to get you to agree with them." Just wow!

ClayJones said...

Who we need to "visit"? Sounds like a Bougie Beatdown or two are in order.

CaliGirlED said...

 Girl you have said more than a mouthful!!! Until you have had QUALITY conversations with me over varying degrees of life's issues, you DON'T know me! And then there are people who think they know you because they have known you for years, but still don't know you because, like you said, "you know a lot of what I want you to know".

Some people are just not interested in genuinely knowing you anyway. They just want to know their image of you, not who you really are.

digal704 said...

This post was ON POINT! I stayed off twitter during the service. I know people have opinions but I don't always want to her it. You are correct that people care way too much about celebrities and quasi celebrities! I have found that times like these is the absolute perfect time to unfollow folks.

ASmith said...

"Some people are just not interested in genuinely knowing you anyway. They just want to know their image of you, not who you really are."

YES!! I hit my praise stomp in here so fast. AMEN!!  Folks only wanna know what they wanna know, see what they wanna see and all of that.  That is EXACTLY why I'm slow to show certain aspects of myself -- if you're not tryna receive it anyway, what's the point?!

CaliGirlED said...

 "Wait - going to Chipotle for a burrito makes me a player?"....*falls to the floor holding my stomach laughing at this foolery*

CaliGirlED said...

 I love your gangsta!!! LOL

CaliGirlED said...

"That is EXACTLY why I'm slow to show certain aspects of myself -- if
you're not tryna receive it anyway, what's the point?" YES back atcha!!! I hit my praise stomp on this one! (Got a little misty eyed on that.)

M Dot said...

It's all fun and games until somebody sends you a text or asks you in person why you unfollowed them.  That just makes me wonder if people can a) get and life and b) have a seat at the same time. Because I'd like to tell them to do both.

M Dot said...

that last paragraph...  *co-sign*

BklynBajan said...

*looks around* Who told ya'll about my tattoo??

I kid I kid

For the record I"ll note some folks tweeting all the time about Jesus don't have a geunine relationship with Him beyond twitter. Heed to the song "Tomorrow" and get right today for tomorrow very well may be too late.

P.S. Zuckerberg and FB doesn't count either.

*drops mic*

Only1DivaC said...

Wait what?! Chipotle = player. I'm all the way lost on that one.

Only1DivaC said...

Wait, folks texting you on why you unfollowed them? O_o, alrighty then

BklynBajan said...

I stopped trying to explain this fact to people that don't get why I won't accept friend requests from them. We knew each other in 4th grade. You are not a part of my life today. Please stop thinking you KNOW me. You don't. I 'm closer to some folks on here through this comments section than you - bug off!!

BklynBajan said...

*hums and rocks*

CaliGirlED said...

Speaking of telling people how to grieve. Because I didn't fall out and have a conniption fit at my father's funeral, I didn't grieve for him. Really??? And if I had who was going to put me back together? Who was going to take care of me and my daughter while I recuperated? Not a damn-one! I prayed to God for strength and that's exactly what He gave me.  I'm still grieving for my daddy. I shed some more tears for him while watching Whitney's funeral. I mostly think of him and laugh or smile, but sometimes I come to terms with his passing all.over.again.

BklynBajan said...

I would have replied "thanks for reminding me to block you off my phone" ....

SpkTruth2Pwr said...

Its the age of the social media celebrity.  That's the downside of social media.  With so much access to information, everyone can carve out their niche.  But people take this too far.  

I am all for discussion and debate on twitter.  In fact, I send articles out or thoughts out searching for people's opinions.  But I agree, there is a line - especially when these "self proclaimed experts" weigh in.

Grace said...

I had a twitter and a FB account for about a month. In that month, I experienced foolishness, ratchetery, tapback and hooliganism at epic levels. Until I take the time to figure out how to be out there without being out there - I'll pass for now. I need my info locked, blocked and whatever stops random randoms from trying to tell me how to live. Miss me with all of that.

GrownAzzMan said...

I was soooo feeling this on Saturday. I am an occasional visitor to twitterworld. I most often visit when there is some major event going on in sports and entertainment. Like you stated this is when it is most fun. During the memorial service, I had to block some on my timeline who insisted on bombarding the rest of us with their 'inside' information on Whitney's drug use, sexuality and the ways of Bobby Brown. During the homegoing service! WTH???

Thanx for speaking on this Chele.

keishabrown said...

GIRL.
ALL.
OF.
THIS!!!!

the great and unfortunate thing about social medias/networks is that it's allowed for everyone to express their opinion. some just dont know how to take that privilege and use it properly.

what absolutely gets my goat (curried, in a roti please and thanks), are those who speak in ABSOLUTES when they have naan evidence to back up their statements. but should you tell them their opinion is just an opinion, but not fact - i'm a sheep/lost/illuminati member in training/hater. 

ALL OF THE SEATS PLEASE.

nothing epitomized this more than the beyonce baby thing. if i had a penny for people who spoke of her uterus like they've even smelled her much less been in a doctors room with her is just BEYOND to me. 

ok. im done. 
*off to lower my blood pressha

CaliGirlED said...

 "hooliganism at epic levels"...LMAO!!!

keishabrown said...

but...
i..
*scratches head

OneChele said...


foolishness, ratchetery, tapback and hooliganism

How can I fit that on t-shirt?

Angela said...

Before the age of social networking, I often found that most people overrated the value of their opinions. Now those same people get to twit themselves senseless, some shielded by anonymity, when they would be better served by listening and learning how to engage someone in conversation. My two cents...

FreeBlackMan said...

I snuck onto FB  for a minurte Saturday. This all comes back to folks who have zero home training. There's a time for everything. But in the middle of girl's ceremony when she's not in the ground yet is no time to share your uniformed opinions about the the evils of addiction. Ease up on that. Celebrate the life  before you dissect the death. And the number of people who have issues with the Black Church... whoa.

GrownAzzMan said...

"Jesus be some business for these people, PLEASE!"

This.All.Day.

TrulyPC said...

 "It is what it is. And sometimes that has absolutely nothing to do with me."

The world would be a better place if we all applied this to our lives.

Leo the Yardie Chick said...

 "tattoo the commandments on one ass cheek and the beattitudes on the other, mmkay?"

Somebody better come pray over my body right now! *dead*

Leo the Yardie Chick said...

 The 'Oh' does it every time.

M Dot said...

get a twitter account with a private feed. that fixed it for me

Leo the Yardie Chick said...

I seem to have made a sub-conscious decision to avoid Twitter and Facebook during awards shows, or some other big event. Now I know what my mind was trying to shield me from. Oiyoiyoi! >_<

TheTravelDiva said...

I'd like to add "bitchassedness" to that list of experiences that, thank goodness for a private twitter account, I can limit in my life.

Marioned said...

Social media gives 'EVRYONE" a false sense of importance.  And the anonymity to confront others with their foolishness and limited thinking.

rozb said...

Umm...if need be, I can arrange to perhaps sneak up on somebody and karate chop 'em in the thoat (yes, thoat). I have spurts where I am tweeting at a good clip, and at times where life happens I don't gibbadamb. During Whitney's service I was in school all afternoon (while peeking in on Twitta on the sneak tip) and you kept me up whenever I asked a question. Some folks - SMH!

Social media makes people brave. They can remain fairly anonymous, do hit and runs by being trolls, and unleash utter assholishness on folks without being invited. Trust and believe - they can miss me with all that crap. Social media sometimes is this generation's MD 20/20 or Night Train.

tiffanyinhouston said...

The folks tweeting and ranting about this, that, and the other and what he/she/it woulda, coulda, shoulda been doing are the main folks who probably should have been paying more attention to Rev. Winans sermon.

Whitney Houston's life and unfortunate, untimely death was not in vain. Someone, somewhere was touched and perhaps led to Christ thru viewing her funeral. What man means for evil, God means for good.

CaliGirlED said...

My friend calls it thoke! LOL (Both of y'all are crazy!)

As much as I don't need anymore bad words in my life, I'm writing "assholishness" down! LOL

BklynBajan said...

Its sad how his words went over the heads of so many alleged believers.

Sol_dier said...

Listen, people will make up any old story about you, doesn't matter how ridiculous. 

Sol_dier said...

Yep, I was touched by the warmth and unshakable belief that she loved the lord.

I don't know what private demons drove whitney but I do know this, when she sang gospel she made me feel elated.

I sat watching the service and realised that I want that. That unshakable, unsinkable feeling of intense and immense emotional joy, that unyielding feeling that even at my worst there is this being out there who see's me and loves me... wow!
Yes, I want to invest in that, I want to be part of that, So I'm finding my way to that.

JojoRaze said...

Three words: SOCIAL.MEDIA.BREAK.  It is de rigueur that people are going to act a fool on social media.  That is now society's garbage can.  That's why I'm glad I don't have a Facebook or Twitter account.  I waste too much time on blogs as is so I don't do social media.  

Taking a break from social media might be your best bet.

LinkWithin

Related Posts with Thumbnails