Wednesday, February 29, 2012

Ask a Bougie Chick - What is wrong with these women?


In today's episode of Ask a Bougie Chick - we have a classic example of projection and deflection. I'll let you read this without further ado...
Chele,
I was told about a year ago to read your blog to "gather more insight on women" so maybe that says something about me from the get go. But anyway, after reading your posts and reading the majority of the comments, it seems to me like my original supposition was correct. 
Take you for instance, from all accounts, you're a decent looking woman with a lot of stuff on the ball but your standards for your man are so high you are over 40 and not married. That's the entire problem right there and I would submit that you are simply perpetuating the problem.
Women are expecting to get way more than they give. As you say, I call bullshiggity on that. I don't understand what's wrong with these women. Particularly black women. Yeah, I said it. 
They seem to expect that a man make six figures, come straight home and swing long d**k all night long. If there's a minute in between, a guy is supposed to sit up and listen to them talk about whatever. It's too much. 
These women don't cook, they don't take care of themselves and they talk too much. I just want a quiet, professionally employed Christian woman with a decent shape and a nice personality. You know the combination, beauty, bedroom beast, brains for days. Is that too much to ask?  
Before you start, I know you are going to ask what I bring to the table? I'm tall, good looking, smart, well paid, degreed and church going. I'm that dude the women are looking for. So why can't I find what I'm looking for? 
Try not to beat on me too much, I"m just being honest based on what I see. 
-T in ATL
T- 
When you write in nonsense like this, you may call me Ms. Grant. :-/ I feel like once a year I get one of these letters from gents such as yourself. SwearforeGod this is the last of these that I will answer. Someone (I'm assuming a woman) told you to read this blog over a year ago and I must assume that not a lot has sunk in. As to your questions - There's a long scathing answer and there's a short answer. I'll give you something in between the two:

Is this about me or is this about you? Because I, me, myself, personally - always give as good as I get. I'm in a happy place so I'm going to skip that one paragraph you squeezed in there. Not. Taking. The. Bait.

Nor am I going to share the smackdown I could commence on your tired recycled meme of "black women ain't about ish" - sir, I will say this instead - do better. If you keep meeting women who aren't up to your standards is the problem with them or with you? What's the common denominator? But you say the women want too much? What is it they think you are lacking, I wonder?

So what you are saying is that you are ALL that and these foolhardy women out here ain't about shiggity. You are seriously telling me you can't find a "good woman" to date in Atlanta, Georgia. Seriously? Have several seats, sir.  ~M

BougieLand, talk to T for me... please.

184 comments:

Mocahgirl said...

The men here are strange. If I wasn't set in every other area of my life, I'd move. 

Jubi The Great said...

In the words of that urban poet, Katt Williams, 'If all the folks you attract are ain't sh*t folks, you need to figure out what it is about you that's attracting ain't sh*t ppl".

There's really nothing else to be said.

thinklikeRiley said...

*starts fire in Dumpster* WTF? You get one or two of these ev'ry damn year and the Bougie Bruhs have to yank some dude into the back and kick his azz.
T-
Don't be coming up in here riling up all these laidies with yo' lame-azz ish, ninja! You all dat but you ain't be got (yeah, I said ain't be got no woman? That's on you, playboy. If you ain't hookin' the right women, you fishin' in the wrong pond.

Riley out.

tishatweets said...

This cat needs a stadium of seats. Mercy.

Jesse said...

Say what now?

JoycelynC said...

Perhaps its the approach.  If someone comes at me like I should be kissing his pinky ring simply because he's a heterosexual working black man with a degree, they will never know that much about what I bring to the table because I will walk away.  Perhaps don't lead with your accomplishments (and I am not sure the stuff you describes qualifies as that but you seem to think so) and you will attract someone who is interested in more than that.  

Rosa said...

Thank you Chele, that was the perfect response to someone who wants to only play the victim and not look in the mirror.

JoycelynC said...

I really want to love this because it is so true.  It is not all that common to find a man here who does not have an enormous entitlement complex when it comes to relationships. 

Sweet N Tart said...

Dear T,
Boooooooooo!

kthxbi!

Sasha Iman said...

I'm tall, good looking, smart, well paid, degreed and church going. I'm
that dude the women are looking for. So why can't I find what I'm
looking for?




1. I fail to understand how you are any less worthy of the shade you
attempted to throw our hosts way.

I mean, if you all
that and a bag of calorie free chips, what does your lack of mate
finding ability say about you and your standards?

I was told about a year ago to read your blog to "gather more insight on
women" so maybe that says something about me from the get go.



2. Yes, yes it does.

If your understanding of women and what they want
were so spot on, you would not have been sent here to get a reality
check.

Also, who told you you were "that dude the women are looking for"?...

Who gave you permission to be confident?

MsJamie14 said...

Lawd, of course he'd be in ATL! I read stuff like this and marvel at the fact I'm actually able to find dudes without their head up their arse from time to time.


They seem to expect that a man make six figures, come straight home and swing long d**k all night long. If there's a minute in between, a guy is supposed to sit up and listen to them talk about whatever. It's too much. 


Guys saying stuff like this is so old, tired and cliched. Adjust your attitude and perhaps you'll have better results. Water seeks it's own level.

I could go on, but what it really comes down to is ----> #boibye

Roz B said...

Awwww. Bless his delusional, angry, lonely-assert heart. I need to be at my house to respond fully. I cannot wait to see this ninja laid out with all his bubbles all burst and ish. I hope his mom can bring him some cocoa and tissue for all that crying he is doing.

Only1DivaC said...

Let me say my peace and keep it moving. Um, sir you need to take a hard look at yourself and figure out what it is YOU are doing to attract these women. So some questions to ask yourself:

1. Do you cook? (Note: I mean more than one dish in one pan)
2. Do you take care of yourself physically? In your own words, do you have a decent shape or do you have a New Orleans belly?
3. Do you talk too much about yourself and what you are doing that you can't hear anybody else talking?
4. Do you have a nice personality or are you a douche bag?
5. Are you a beast in the bedroom? (Note: Multiple references will be needed to verify this question since taking your word for it is not sufficient enough, call it professional skepticism and what not)
6. Are you a Christian man who is being led and guided by God? Are you living each day to not break God's heart in your actions, words, deeds, or thoughts? (Note: Church-going is not the same as being a Christian)

If the answer is no to ANY of the answers above, I submit you revisit your letter you wrote to Ms. Grant (*waves hey Chele*) and really meditate/concentrate/pray/marinate on your own words:

"Take you for instance, from all accounts, you're a decent looking MAN with a lot of stuff on the ball but your standards for your woman are so high you are over 25 AND not married. That's the entire problem right there and I would submit that you are simply perpetuating the problem.
MEN are expecting to get way more than they give. As you say, I call bullshiggity on that. I don't understand what's wrong with these MEN. Particularly black MEN."

Nandiewe said...

You sound like a wonderfully condescending and entitled individual. How can the ladies NOT see this 'sweet' side of you? I mean how?

BklynBajan said...

_\o/_

If T has been reading the blog for a year and STILL doesn't get it I'm not sure what magical words said today will make it click. Even a blind humpbacked troll can have a healthy dating life in ATL as long as he has a job and working car so I'm confused as to why Mr. well paid degreed church going man is having so much difficulty.

Jubi The Great said...

Oh & T, you don't get points for doing stuff you're supposed to do - like having a job. You also don't get points for things you have no control over, like your height. Do something about that personality & your entitlement complex.

Roz B said...

Team Riley all. Damn. Day.

ClayJones said...

T-
Come on over here son. Let me rap at ya for a minute. It'll only take a second.
Son, yo shit do stink. Everyone's does. Not sure who told yours was roses and mint but there it is.
Now that you know this, you can revise your attitude and perhaps see the women so uh- fortunate as to cross your path with new eyes.  Let's try that, shall we?
The School of Old School is always here for you.

Roz B said...

Awwww. Bless his delusional, angry, lonely-assert heart. I need to be at my house to respond fully. I cannot wait to see this ninja laid out with all his bubbles all burst and ish. I hope his mom can bring him some cocoa and tissue for all that crying he is doing.

GuessImJay said...

Okay I'll admit - I've been this dude. I've thought to myself, I'm coming to the table with a full deck and I want a chick just as locked and loaded as me. This way of thinking causes you to find fault with the most minute issues and casually overlook or discard women that may be not only your equal but your superior. Love is not about a checklist. Why don't you meet someone who makes you feel some kinda way and roll from there? (Dammit when did I turn into Dr. Phil up in here?)

You may be the Holy Grail of D*ck Swingers on that side of the Mason-Dixon line but until you pour out that overflowing cup of entitlement you sipping on, you'll never find what you're looking for.

Also my man, that attitude will get you cut in Georgia. Trust. Someone is looking to slash your tires right now.

rozb said...

Perhaps he is looking for someone to turn a blind eye to ratchet undercover behavior. Or maybe she won't go to New Birth with him. Sad man.

TrulyPC said...

Why, why, why must this world be plagued with locusts like this fool.  *HUGE SIGH*

You expect women to not have standards while you are entitled to yours.  Or is it that they must only have the standards that you approve of to make YOU happy and not themselves?  And to your nauseous references to the "what's wrong with Black women" meme-- *yawn* You bore me with that insipid garbage. 

David Parrish, Jr.(Inkognegro) said...

Any Man who is sent somewhere to gain insights on women and then proceeds to tell the author of said place what her entire problem is doesn't warrant even the 3-5 minutes it would take to deconstruct his short comings. 

But Y'all have fun. 

Man's World said...

 This.

MsJamie14 said...

Thank you for sharing this. We often think a leopard can't change it's spots.  It's so good to see you were able to adjust your line of thinking...clearly it paid off!  Glad you found someone special as a result!

MsJamie14 said...

The fact that not even the men are riding for this fool speaks volumes.

Grace said...

I think I dated T. I've definitely met him more times than I care to think about. Nuff said.

Angela said...

T, meet Mirror. Mirror, meet T and please introduce him to Humility and Self Reflection. When you say, "I just want a quiet (Do you mean speak only when spoken to?), professionally employed (Hmmm, I wonder what  occupations would not be acceptable to you.) Christian woman (Do you mean a woman who agrees with how you define submission, but doesn't actually read enough of the bible to be able to call you on your ish Biblically?) with a decent shape (When you think about the women you've pursued, have they had "decent" shapes or "Victoria Secret" shapes?) and a nice personality" (Kudos for wanting someone pleasant but, judging from the order of your list, it doesn't seem to be the highest priority).  

I'm not really trying to attack you--like you tried to attack Chele (not a good look btw); I am posing these questions in all seriousness.

Also, btw, would you feel better if Chele had jumped in and out of marriages because she never gave any thought to what she actually needs in a mate?! And who are you to speak on what she has going on?! And why would you care since you don't ever have to worry about being called on to meet those standards?!  Ok, maybe this paragraph is a little on the attack.

In future, when seeking answers, it might be prudent to stick to personal examples. If the women you are meeting have standards that are too high for you, either raise your level or keep it moving until you find your own level. This is not a negative comment towards you; it's simply a rule of thumb that will serve you well.

Leon X said...

An Open Letter to T in ATL,

My Dude,

I haven't taken the time to go through all the comments (forgive me fellow citizens of BougieLand) so I'll keep this short and sweet.

If you know better, then do better and stop projecting your shortcomings on everyone else.

Yours in Dudedom,

Leon X

P.S. I ain't hard to find so if you wanna chop it up it's all good to me.

Mo said...

I was brought up with  school of thought; people who are rude & disrespectful do not   deserve the time  & energy. To that end, I think T wanted air time on BnB and  u got it Sir. Do better next time, that is all.

Leo the Yardie Chick said...

I have nothing to add. The rest of Bougieland has already done schooled fools, ripped behinds, and snatched toupees, so I'll just sit here and enjoy the show.

JoycelynC said...

 LOL! Lawd!

M Dot said...

Dear  "T in ATL" 

My only hope is that you're under 30 and may someday realize you have to ease up a tad and gain some humility while you search. Like the bros below, I'm not going to burn to mental calories needed to give advice here.  If you are over 30 AND you've been reading BnB for a year...Thanks for making it harder for the rest of us brothers.  I wished this letter was signed T from Pluto, because that's how far you need to travel. When you land, have your choice of seats. Or don't. Just get there. Expeditiously.

Lady4Real said...

DDDDDDAAAAAAMMMMMNNNNN!!! I am so in love with comment right here. Pass the collection plate please!!!

M Dot said...

I don't have it today, Jamie.  not for this dude

SouthernWes said...

Look at you! All growed up. *wipes tear*
Glad you spoke on it yourself cause I was about to say - Jay WAS this dude right up until he met old girl. There wasn't all this she looks like this and sounds like that. It was just - she's the woman and we in this.

When T finds that, I hope he writes back.

SouthernWes said...

 We riding out again?

Lady4Real said...

Get'em!!!!

Jason P said...

 What M-Deezy said.
My comment was "T- you're ruining it for everybody. Please STFU. Again, for the slow minded. There are things we think and things we say. You are losing on all sides.

M Dot said...

New Orleans belly??? LOL!  Looking like the baby you find in the middle of the Mardi Gras King Cake and whatnot

Rashid Taylor said...

Surely he didnt expect Chelle to pyscho analyze all black women in ATL in the scope of a blog response right??

Think P. Smart said...

This can't be real.  I live and work with and have honest communication with men from all races and countries.  Never have I heard them even hint at not being able to meet the expectations of the women from their countries or of their races.  So when I hear/read a Black man (presumably) complaining about women's standards, I tend to seek clarification with, "So wait, you're arguing your own inferiority and ability to meet the basic standards set before you?  OK.  I guess!  What about these gas prices?"

Sasha in Stilettos said...

Did Dude roll up on your blog call you a decent-looking high maintenance spinster, shit on black women and roll out? WTF?!

First of all, Michele is f*cking gorgeous. If you can't see that, who are you trying to date? And she GOTTA man?! Second, just about every brother up in BnB is degreed and worth a dime so you ain't nuthin' special round here.  Third, the chick who sent you to BnB was trying to learn you up. Embrace the knowledge, not the stereotype.

Lastly, would it be mean spirited of me to ask you to go play in traffic? Atlanta has plenty of it. Enjoy.

Lady4Real said...

I usually stay away from religion but I can't help it. "Pride comes before destruction and a haughty heart before the fall." If you are looking for a Christian woman why is your conversation so non-Christian? "Judge not lest ye be judged", yet I see you judging Ms. Grant (hey Chele) and black women. Piggy backing off you talking about black women, is your mother black? Do you feel this deragotory about her? Do you have sisters, aunts, daughters, or nieces? Would you like a man to talk about them they way you speak of women? I tell ya what bruh, there are websites where you can entire your credit card and order a woman to your liking. There are also neighborhoods that you can go to, pull up and get you a gal for the evening. No woman with a once of pride and a hint of intelligence is going to have anything to do with you. Only1Diva C said it to you best and I will repeat it because you really need to hear it again,

 I submit you revisit your letter you wrote to Ms. Grant (*waves hey Chele*) and really meditate/concentrate/pray/marinate on your own words:

"Take you for instance, from all accounts, you're a decent looking MAN with a lot of stuff on the ball but your standards for your woman are so high you are over 25 AND not married. That's the entire problem right there and I would submit that you are simply perpetuating the problem.MEN are expecting to get way more than they give. As you say, I call bullshiggity on that. I don't understand what's wrong with these MEN. Particularly black MEN."

SingLikeSassy said...

I'm tall, good looking, smart, well paid, degreed and church going. <-- You are not special. It's 70 dudes with these baseline stats in Bougieland on a slow day.

Boy, bye.

Ivory Tabb said...

Well  well well I see Mr.
Commodity has entered the building. Ladies I’m sure you have meet him plenty of
times and men if this isn’t you he dam sure is one of your buddies you roll
with.


This is the dude that looks great on paper has everything,
he knows it and wants everyone else to know it as well.


Problem is since he thinks he is such a  great catch he doesn’t feel the need to
settle down. He will act like he wants too, find plenty of very good, eligible,
qualified woman to date for months and months on end but none of them will meet
his standards so he will never find “the one”


He will use plenty of excuses on why just like he did in
this letter but it will never be his fault just the woman he meets.


What’s so unfortunate about this is there will be plenty of
woman that will allow him to date them and get away with this behavior because
he is so good on paper and they really want to settle down with that type of
man.

FreeBlackMan said...

I'm so damn confused. You've been reading this blog. Black n Bougie. Right here. For a year and THIS is what you come with?

Okay fine. Not the most enlightened of gentlemen. But here's my question to you - WHAT DID YOU EXPECT CHELE TO DO? Find you a date, fix your flawed thinking, buy you a vowel?

Someone please explain.

Pure Choco said...

 T - if you couldn't even get a cosign from FBM - you're done son.

Pure Choco said...

 OKAY!!!!

Pure Choco said...

Anytime someone asks "What is wrong with everyone else?" I direct them to a mirror.

Pure Choco said...

 Girl preach on it.

Pure Choco said...

 Well, once you've seen an ordinary dude crowned a king, that might skew your perception of self. #Shade

Pure Choco said...

 This is so awesome.

invectiva said...

Here's a free tip: Women are people, not accessories or arm decoration. They think, and they have lives and interests that are not you. Now, if you're only attracting the types who want a 24 hour cash/sex machine and who demand that you listen while they talk (seriously, bro, you went there?), then you need to look in the mirror and figure out why good women don't want you. If the only women you know are 100%  about their own wants/needs, then I'd say you're finding women of your own level. If you want a better class of woman, be a better class of man and care about something that isn't your own list of assets.

I also believe you need to learn to read for comprehension, if you've been perusing posts and comments here for a year and managed to learn nothing. I'd suggest that you print out your letter to Ms. Grant, print out the last paragraph in Only1DivaC's comment, and meditate on the two of them every day for a few months. Then ask a Grown Man to help you see the light, since you seem to not want to hear "whatever" from women.

MelaninEnriched said...

I don't know if this has been said, but he's from Atlanta....'nuff said. I used to live there and moving from there has been the best decision of my life. I'd almost cut off a limb before I moved back there permanently and this post right here just reinforces that  notion. This type of thinking permeates from a lot of BM  in Atlanta and it's an epidemic. I see not much has changed since  I moved. Carry on...

CaliGirlED said...

THIS^^^!!!

Trey Charles said...

*squints at T*
Dude, they still MAKE you?

All Honey said...

Zero time and zero tolerance for this. 

All Honey said...

 Right? Fled to Charlotte. Not going back.

CaliGirlED said...

"You all dat but you ain't be got (yeah, I said ain't be got no woman? That's on you, playboy. If you ain't hookin' the right women, you fishin' in the wrong pond."...Put on repeat!

All Honey said...

 Great question - what did he expect?

All Honey said...

 Mean-spirited, maybe. Valid suggestion? YES!

Machelle said...

Tellem Chell!  Im just mad because he's serious.....

Lady4Real said...

Go all the way IN Sasha!!! I think part of your stiletto might be stuck in his butt

CaliGirlED said...

"I'm tall, good looking, smart, well paid, degreed and church going. I'm that dude the women are looking for. So why can't I find what I'm looking for? I fail to understand how you are any less worthy of the shade you attempted to throw our hosts way."...Agreed!!!

All Honey said...

 "Son, yo shit do stink" BWAHAHAHAHA!

Machelle said...

And by the way.  I live in Atlanta and unfortunaly this is the mentality we women in ATL  have to deal with on a daily basis.    He believes he is God's gift to women until we get to know him and tell him he's not.  Now he's a victim of all us "black women with bad attitude"...kick rocks dude.

MelaninEnriched said...

 OT: Yeah, I said the same thing. Then my situation unraveled, which opened up the perfect opportunity for me to roll out.  It was the best decision I've ever made regarding a move. I hope you find a way out. Good luck!

All Honey said...

 And hisssss!

CaliGirlED said...

"I'm tall, good looking, smart, well paid, degreed and church going. I'm
that dude the women are looking for. So why can't I find what I'm
looking for?"...Because you're an asshole!!! Too harsh?

Ok, the bible says in Psalm37:4, "Delight thyself also in the LORD: and he shall give thee the desires of thine heart.". So when you stop delighting in your-damn-self, you may be well on your way to finding her!

Who brought him in here???

ShawnSoze said...

I'm tall, good looking, smart, well paid, degreed and church going.
Dude, this describes every guy I know. Give or take the height requirement - every. single. dude. I. roll. with. You may be special but not for that little list you rattled off.
GTFOH.

From what I can tell, most the women that frequent this blog (and most definitely our gracious hostess) are the type of women that men would crawl across the Sahara for and you up in here blasting? Way to get a date, dude. Excellent strategy. I see why you're so popular with the ladies.

And before I roll out with my paid good-looking crew... you are complaining because women want to be d*cked down?

It must be said.

WHAT PART OF THE GAME IS THIS????

Michele said...

This all day long.

CaliGirlED said...

"Note: Church-going is not the same as being a Christian."...Who does he think he's fooling with that??? Satan goes to church!

Excellent response!

JaymeC said...

 You know Shawn - just when I get ready to write you off as a lost cause... you reel me back in. Great comment.

ASmith said...

Yeah...

No.

That's what I have for this.  

Best wishes for your life, T from Atlanta.  Seriously.  Cause if this is where you are, you... you are in so much personal trouble.  You don't want a girlfriend, you wanna be mad.  You wanna feel justified for not having what you claim to want.  And that is all to the good, bro.  It is.  Just quit making all women look bad because you wanna be mad.  There is NO way you live in Atlanta, where black women complain with regularity about how it is impossible to find a straight black man worth looking twice at, and you're struggling to find what you want.  I'm not buying it, b.

CaliGirlED said...

"Even a blind humpbacked troll can have a healthy dating life in ATL as long as he has a job and working car..." *flat lines*

ShawnSoze said...

 Wait - you was putting me the cut pile? Dr. Jayme?!!

M Dot said...

http://www.catchmebc.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/04/41.jpg 

MochaMuffin said...

Just off the top of my head, I can name 8 women in Atlanta who fit his criteria. Atlanta proper, not even in the burbs yet. I'm into double digits if we add burbs. SMH

CaliGirlED said...

"You may be the Holy Grail of D*ck Swingers on that side of the Mason-Dixon line..." *falls out the chair*

Dr. Jay look at you! That was good stuff Sir! :-)

MsJamie14 said...

And before I roll out with my paid good-looking crew... you are complaining because women want to be d*cked down?
I totally asked the same question on Twitter. LOL.

Don't get me started on me wondering why he's over there writing letters in the first place... *raises eyebrow*

CaliGirlED said...

My girl!!!

Tonda Williams said...

I'd like to believe this letter is an attempt at humor, but sadly I fear you are real. I'm in ATL and suffice it to say that no matter how tall, good looking, smart, well paid, degreed and church going you are, based on this letter YOU sir, are NOT what I'm looking for nor would I inflict you upon anyone else.  Please grab a book (you may need another degree because this letter is not very smart), a relationship with God (not a religion) and a therapist (put your tons of funds to good use)....Signed "The REAL T"

MsJamie14 said...

Heck, I think there's 8 women from at Atlanta in the comments today that fit this. LOL

Oh wait, I'm not "quiet."  *shrugs* But clearly, sometimes you cross paths with people that make you want to cuss. LOL

Tonda Williams said...

bwahaha.. THIS right here!

Tonda Williams said...

Shawn-I LOVE you today because this comment is EVERY.SINGLE.THING...*Pretty Girl Curtsy*

CaliGirlED said...

Don't trip, he's not ruining if for no one. Real women laugh at this foolery, call their girls to laugh some more and keep it pushing.

MochaMuffin said...

 "Holy Grail of D*ck Swingers* Oh the visual imagery!

MochaMuffin said...

 Girl... WORK!

MochaMuffin said...

 *takes out notepad* Sooooo... Shawn is still single then?

CaliGirlED said...

"It's 70 dudes with these baseline stats in Bougieland on a slow day."...He's been here a whole year and thought he was the only one! :-/

CaliGirlED said...

Right!!!

CaliGirlED said...

My friend read this letter and asked, "Why didn't he put his picture up since he's all that?" LOL

Tonda Williams said...

*Hush Chile* I just got here and I'm TRYING to like it....*sigh*

tishatweets said...

Now that I've had a chance to read instead of merely skim....

Is this cat for serious complaining about coming home and having sex? Like a young, able-bodied, attracted-to-women, hot blooded man? And wait. Weeeee have to be a "bedroom beast" but youuuuu are complaining about having to "swing" it? Sat down.

And "quiet Christian woman?" Jesus wasn't passive, homie. Why would we have to be? We walk alongside, not behind. Sat down again.

Lastly, there's a reason why you don't get the woman with the brains. None of us who have them would pick you. Duh.

Tighten up, guy.

MsJamie14 said...

I wish he would. I bet you I know him or have a least seen him out places around here. LOL

tishatweets said...

Great reply overall. I really dig this part:

"Why don't you meet someone who makes you feel some kinda way and roll from there?"

BAnjeeB said...

I was hoping and praying that Chele was going to post in the comments that she got a follow up email that said, "Girl you know I was kidding". But alas...

tishatweets said...

This cat ain't knowin'. "Great on paper" dudes get fired every.day.

Ask me how I know. *files nails*

CaliGirlED said...

I'm with Tonda, I love you today Shawn!!! Two reasons:
1) "You may be special but not for that little
list you rattled off."
2) "you are complaining because women want to be d*cked down? WHAT PART OF THE GAME IS THIS????"

#2 suggests that 1) He is not the "Holy Grail of D*ck Swingers", as Jay suggested and/or 2) He is not in the same shape that he wants a woman to be in.

CaliGirlED said...

LOL!!! I see you girl!

CaliGirlED said...

Tell 'em why you mad son!

tishatweets said...

IKR? Like, "Girl, to fool with you I gotta get this good Viagra, puff on my inhaler, take a nap first..." Doesn't even sound like he can handle a beast in the bedroom. Maybe a little My First Monster, but definitely not a beast.

Lady4Real said...

Really Cali, damn-self and a scripture in the same sentence? BWAHA, that's why you my BougieLand play cousin.

LadyNgo said...

"I'm that dude the women are looking for. So why can't I find what I'm looking for?"

Probably because  you're NOT that dude #IJS

blackprofessor said...

T, sit all the way down! I can't with this entitlement foolishness!

Either you have zero reading comprehension or you are pretty daft because there is no way that you could write that letter after reading this blog for a year!  As a member of the female BnB population, these are some of the dopest women on the Internet and you want to send this garbage to Chele?  For real though? BnB has pretty much covered it but please get a slice of humble pie for your own fool self.    Oh and if you are so fed up with sisters, please get thee to the closest non-white woman you can find.  We won't miss you.

Smooches!
#teamgetallunfitfolktogether

MsJamie14 said...

Girl! LOL!!!!!

GrownAzzMan said...

105 comments by 1:00 pst. These are the kind of comments that get that response going IJS. I don't have anything for T except good luck and godspeed sir...

GrownAzzMan said...

And the doors of the church are now open...come let them come...

C Nelson said...

... What in the ...


Okay, first of all. Having standards so high that you are over 40 and not married? So not a danged "problem" unless you're unhappy, and if you were, I would suspect there were other factors in your life you should fix before you looked to a ring and a man to solve your troubles.

Second? I am so. DAMN. tired. of people, usually and especially MEN people -- yeah, I said it! -- wringing their hands and pouring out the faux compassion and the concern trolling over "the problem with black women."  And I'm even MORE tired about how, when you look at their litany of grief, it ALWAYS boils down to "black women of the calibre I'd like to be with won't be subservient enough to me."  We're at the tail end of Black History Month here, one hundred and forty-six years after the last state freed the last slave by ratifying the Emancipation Proclamation, and some people still have not gotten the message that it applied to black women too. Sorry, T, but if you want someone to cook for you, clean for you, not expect sex from you, and shut up when you want her to (so much for the claim that you want "brain for days", by the way...) THESE days, they're called "housekeepers", and you pay them decently and treat them with courtesy, because if you don't, they can find somewhere else to work, too.

Think P. Smart said...

WORD!!!  *waves MLK, Jr. church fan*

GrownAzzMan said...

"Also my man, that attitude will get you cut in Georgia. Trust. Someone is looking to slash your tires right now."

Think he just went and looked out the window?

GrownAzzMan said...

Can't waste it on he who cannot be redeemed.

CaliGirlED said...

 Hey play cousin! Girl you know God is just gettin started with me! LOL

CaliGirlED said...

 My First Monster??? *dies, comes back to life, dies again and turns over in my grave*

Ivory Tabb said...

And then he really aint that great!
Boy please you really just an average dude, with above average height that received a basic bachelors degree from an average school. Bring to the table something that makes you" that dude" and matches what im bringing to the table than we can talk.
I wish T would run up on me while I'm out in the ATL working  lol!

Deb B said...

 No. No one believes that this dude is in Atlanta on platinum status and can't find a woman to meet his standards. Sure, he may have come across a few "not ready for primetime" women but he can't find ANY body?

No.

Only1DivaC said...

Thank you ma'am! All about using silly people's words against them to reveal how asinine they really are over there. Plus, he is from ATL so that explains a whole heck of a lot.

AppleBerryMIA said...

*looks at watch* I'm surprised it took someone to 4pm est to make this about the Failings of the Black Woman and not about T. That train usually pulls into the station much earlier.

GrownAzzMan said...

What part of the entire game???

MsJamie14 said...

Hmm...so he was that dude til he met JG? So I wonder if he had made the change for himself OR it just took the right woman to make him want to change....?

SingLikeSassy said...

 Maybe, but THIS brother, right here that wrote in? Is about some bullshit. He can't find not NAN woman to "meet his standards?" Not NAN one? C'mon now.

CaliGirlED said...

It's not about the credibility to his experience. It's him taking said experience and applying it to black women, including the ones who have nothing to do with what he's been through. And I quote, "I don't understand what's wrong with these women. Particularly black women. Yeah, I said it."

When you lump all Black women together, just as when you lump all Black people together, you are looking to get chewed out. Which he knew to expect, so after he spewed out all of that hot garbage he  added, "Try not to beat on me too much...".

Just as I have taken responsibility for the "ain't sh*t" men that I have dealt with, he needs to do the same, as well as stop thinking he is God's gift to women. Jesus is still the reigning champ in that category!

Now kindly get your azz outta here! Please and thank you!

MsJamie14 said...

Check on all of that for myself.

But you know what...it doesn't even take all of that to find love. Broke folks find it, bad credit having folks find it, bat shyt crazy folks find it, broken people find it, heathens find it.

It's not just the "tightest" of the folks out there....so....*shrugs*

C Nelson said...

Who cares? Even if my sister, third-cousin-twice-removed, or housekeeper's wayward niece from some backwater where they brushed their teeth with bark weren't squared away, as you put it, she would have to be dumber than a box of rocks (not just disadvantaged, but stupid to the point where her body was the ONLY thing going for her) for me to think she was getting any kind of a prize in any man who would expect her to cook, clean, have sex entirely on his schedule, and shut up whenever he wants her to. The problem isn't that I think their sh*t is tight; it's that his attitude means his isn't, to the point where I would have a hard time wishing him on my worst enemy, 'cause she still has a functional brain and some self-esteem.

tishatweets said...

If just ONE woman in the whole ATL Metro area is as you described above then T's assertions are faulty--which we already knew.

Thanks for playing, though!

tishatweets said...

You've soooooo ruined the whole King Cake experience for me now. LOL!!!!

C Nelson said...

 Hey, now. I was with you till your second to last line; that's a bit much.  :(  It came across as writing off all other non-white women (and why exactly are the white women safe from him?) as "unfit". That's not cool.

MidWestDominicana said...

So, I read this, scrolled down and saw "126 Bougie Thoughts..." started cracking up. 

T got a good whuppin today!

rozb said...

He needs more people. I am not seeing quality in his self-assessment.

rozb said...

BOOYAH!

rozb said...

He's good enough, smart enough, and doggonnit people like him.

rozb said...

I bet he wears 7- button suits, Gators, and is quite proud of his Associate's degree from Acme School of Medical Coding. He probably just viewed a bootleg DVD of Think Like a Man and it got his courage up. Aaawww, better go take another gander at your "shortcomings", take a heaping scoop of STFU, and have several seats over by the MLK memorial. Or on Peachtree somewhere. You really do not want any of this.

BklynBajan said...

*fist bump*

SingLikeSassy said...

I want a new rule! If you send one of these ratchetazz letters in attach your photo to it for posting (and pointing and laughing). Thanks and bye!

Friday Foster said...

I want this on a tee shirt!

MsJamie14 said...

He probably has 4 kids and three baby mamas too. LOL

Slimuel L. Jackson said...

Yowsers McSquiggly Wiggly. 

I feel like anytime someone makes an observation like this, they're alright until they narrow it to black women and then their whole sauce is lost in a bowl of spaghetti and side-eyes. 

Honestly, if you're a decent-looking dude, have your act together, and take care of yourself, you shouldn't be struggling to find a good woman. Let's not front like the ratios aren't are in a man's favor if he's cream of the crop. Actually, that's true regardless of gender. Real talk though, you can't say you want an employed christian woman then in the next sentence say you want a bedroom beast who provides grade-A suckles for days. Not because this isn't attainable, but just because it sounds like you're hearing voices...and you're young. 

I'd really like to know what type of people you're surrounding yourself with? Sounds like you're talking about the antithesis of BnB. 

Jubi The Great said...

My point still stands. If T can't find a woman with the qualifications he's looking for in a large metropolitian area like Atlanta...then maybe he should figure what he's doing that keeping his target demographic away from him. As they say, birds of a feather flock together...and maybe he's attracting the chickheads for a reason.

Jubi The Great said...

My First Monster? BWAHAHAHAHAHA

invectiva said...

"What's the T?"  "You know that's me!"  -- Lady T

invectiva said...

SING IT!!!!

Tonda Williams said...

Yay..a TWIN!!!!!!!! *Pretty Girl Curtsy*.....

blackprofessor said...

 

C Nelson, that’s fair but let me explain. The fact that he
threw all Black women under the bus as opposed to the women he has been meeting
(which could be of any race/ethnicity) reeked of “I am about to get a fill in
the blank woman” to which I say “Go right ahead.”


I was never implying that non-black women are
fit for him.  My motto refers to the fact
that I personally want to see all individuals who have unhealthy relationship attitudes
or unhealthy attitudes about the opposite sex get together to make it easier for
healthy individuals to find each other in the dating market. 

CaliGirlED said...

 Shallow Hal?

CaliGirlED said...

 "Associate's degree from Acme School of Medical Coding"...I can not stand your retarded azz!!! Bwahahaha

CaliGirlED said...

"Real talk though, you can't say you want an employed christian woman
then in the next sentence say you want a bedroom beast who provides
grade-A suckles for days."...That tickled me! LOL

tishatweets said...

"Just as I have taken responsibility for the "ain't sh*t" men that I have dealt with..."

Chile.......

C Nelson said...

 Ahh, fair enough.

Sol_dier said...

I'm tall, good looking, smart, well paid, degreed and church going
That's it?, for real? That's it?. Nothing about your views on life?, caring? outlook on life and love? ideas and philosophy?, political reasoning?.
Only low hanging fruit complain about the lack of sunshine. 

Sol_dier said...

rozb! rozb! rozb! lol That's all I got.

rozb said...

I yam what I yam. And you know you like me! :D

Trust - I rarely get to BnB these days 'cause my work is serious bidness, but this dude is just extra!

rozb said...

Exactly.

Brenda Kay said...

Is there is some measure of truth to the letter that T from Atlanta send to Chele? I'm going to assume that for him, absolutely yes. But it is also true that T's disastrous dating experiences does not necessarily reflect everyone else's dating experience. 

I am of the opinion that a very large part of T's problem is - T HIMSELF and his pissy pants attitude! 

Take for instance the very insulting backhanded compliment that T felt obligated to make about Chele's appearance. O_o Why was that even necessary? T made a point of saying that he's "good looking", but yet decided to hide behind an anonymous letter. Ummm, okay...

And I would be remiss if I didn't make mention of the rather glaring contradiction issues that T has between what he see's as some of the "problems" Black women have, and what wants in his supposedly "ideal" mate. A person can't be of two minds and expect to get one answer. 

If all T is meeting are women who don't match up to him - then T needs to recognize that difficult Universal Life Truth - we only attract to us what we can handle and what we deserve. 

Obviously there are some things in T, which prevent him from being attractive to women whom he really wants to be with. He needs to work on that, rather than pointing fingers and writing petty, immature sounding letters to internet blogs. 

And one last thing - not every woman wants to be married. I know that may come as a shock to some folks. But it's true. There are plenty of women happily enjoying their lives without feeling secondary or less of a person simply because they don't have a ring on their left hand and some man taking up valuable closet space. 
IJS... 

Sol_dier said...

^THIS^  is everything

rozb said...

T - Hey Boo (I am sure you have not been called this in a while). Listen. Imma have to tell you - Bougie hooligans are your worst nightmare, son! We cut you with words, disable you in such a way you will wish we slit your hamstring. Then we educate you so you don't do this ratched-A crap ever again. Kinda like getting that extra azz whooping where you get your own switch and errythang. Then getting a PB&J sandwich and a pat on your head telling you it was done out of love.

So accept the extra butt whipping you received today out of love. 'Cause you obviously ain't getting love from anybody else.

Oh yeah - Chele is all kinds of out of your league. To paraphrase that great philosopher Oran Juice Jones "You are just a squirrel in her world trying to get a nut." Silly rabbit.

Anthony Jones said...

This man is entitled to have his own standards just like everyone else. AND they can be as high as a giraffe' azz if he says so.


Everyone bashing him has standard no? And flaws too!

Anthony Jones said...

I have a few issues with the letter but I'm not going to jump on the bandwagon and help stomp the brother's head in because none of us can speak to his experiences. And, as I see it, there is some truth to his dilemma. Personally, I would have articulated it differently.

Anthony Jones said...

LOL

tishatweets said...

Standards=ok. Sweeping generalizations of an entire group of women based on HIS inability to attain said standards=not ok.

Anthony Jones said...

Point taken.

no comment said...

BAWWAHHHAAAAA LOL at the c'mon son sign #idied

GammasWorld said...

Haven't read all 159 comments yet so if I repeat, I'll just take it as great minds think alike.  All I want to say is T's been reading this blog for a year and *this* is what he got from it????  I know people are all degreed up and erry thing but some folk really need to take that "reading comprehension" course again.  It is a skill that seems to be going by the wayside.  

no comment said...

ha you asked what I was thinking LOL 

no comment said...

THIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I am so over the A!

NatashaHunter said...

So I've still been reading, just not commenting due to government cutbacks and my desire to not be one, but I had to log in right here and say:

BOOM.

MsJamie14 said...

 Well, as we can see from Jay's comment, sometimes folks can reform. I'm going to stay optimistic, and leave him with my favorite Muhammad Ali quote:

 “If they can make penicillin out of moldy bread, then they can sure make something out of you.”


Hopefully the response will fuel him to DO BETTER.

And as a Christian woman, I'ma pray for him.  Or pray for myself that our paths never cross. LOL

mickmicki said...

Oh.  When he said "brains for days", I assumed he meant he was very educated.  I couldn't believe that an adult man would name that as a desired quality in a potential mate...An icing on the cake?  Yes.  But a must have?  No.

Unfortunately, this is not an ATL thing.   This happens in St. Louis too.  I was supposed to lose my mind for a thirty-something junior-level accountant job (#noshade).  I wasn't feeling him at all (he was mad thirsty ) and he got insulted.  He informed me that it "ain't that many" single, professional black men in St. Louis.  The coup d'etat was "You'll change your mind when you see me with a white woman.."

Earthangel172 said...

I miss hanging out in BougieLand!
Anyway, I can't with this today.
This has insecurity, immaturity and "self-promotion at its finest" written all over it.

OneChele said...

Oh. #playaFAIL

Sent from my Kindle Fire

_____________________________________________

CaliGirlED said...

He read the BnB Cliff Notes and failed the final exam.

CaliGirlED said...

Just wow!

tiffanyinhouston said...

T, I got something for  you right over here...don't be scared, here take my hand...almost there..get comfy now, here you go >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> \_

Have one of those, dear heart, and shut the fuck up.

CaliGirlED said...

I thought about you a few days ago. You were tweeting every now and then. Where have you been???

Sol_dier said...

you are trying very hard to justify tomfoolery by this man and introducing multiple strawmen to boot.

1) Yes! he should have them. His problem which he articulated quite clearly, is the fact that he doesn't measure up to the standards of the women he seems to want. 

2) If you say something ridiculous, then you open yourself to ridicule.

There's a time and a place to defend a brother. Bougieland Women and Men alike have no issues defending a brotha or sista. We just don't defend idiotic pathologies. 

You might want to contact a few bougiebros on this site to bring you up to speed.

Sol_dier said...

bwaaaa haaa haaa. 
Seriously though, why are white women drawing the short straw all of a sudden. 
Seems like any old incomplete/ piece of a man thinks that white women want them by default. 

White women, reclaim your stock value. cos there are soem rachette dudes defaming it.

Sol_dier said...

now that's 'icing on the cake'

Tam said...

Hey T,

Have a \_ . The women are not the problem. The common denominator is you.

Sincerely,

Tam

Earthangel172 said...

Hey Cali!
I've been working hard on the plantation! LOL
It's been a rough couple of months but I peep in from time to time but never long enough to comment.

CaliGirlED said...

I understand!

Nadette said...

BOOM!

Angel Blanca said...

Dude asks, "Is that too much to ask?"  Um, YES!  You know why?  Because all you think women of quality, who meet the characteristics you note, want is for you to "make six figures, come straight home and swing long d**k all night long.
If there's a minute in between, a guy is supposed to sit up and listen
to them talk about whatever."

You don't seem to have the slightest idea of what women actually want, and everything you mentioned that you bring to the table is an external characteristic.  Do you know how to carry on a conversation, particularly one in which you have little interest?  No?  Then it's no surprise you've not found what you want, because that's what adults (emphasis on that word) want in relationships.

Do you know how to love while blind?  That is, do you know how to love despite what you see?  No?  Again, no surprise you've not found what you want, as what you see--in others and in the mirror--guides what you value.  Dig deeper.

Okay, I began my missive before I read Chele's response, so now I have to go back.

Annette Evans said...

Dude, you have a lot to learn.  If is not too late already. 

Semper Fi do or die said...

There the black women go getting pissed off because this man told the truth. These sistas need to realize that they are the answer to their own problems as far as dating is concerned.

Sistas, learn how to get out of your own way or stop bitching and complaining when men call your ass out on your bullshit. This man is just calling it like it is and how he sees it. Dont get mad at him.....fix itttttt!

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