Friday, January 13, 2012

Shiggity Pegreaux Black Men Say...


Pegreaux = Pretentious + (sometimes) Nouveau + Negroes. <~~ Get into it. Ah yes, 'tis the age of the Pegreaux. That species of hustle-disguised-as-know-it-all-ness gentleman heating up airwaves, TV sets and these here innanets. They are everywhere. They are smarter than the rest of us (to hear them tell it) and  they have opinions. As do I.

Many of you have seen the various, multiple spins on Sh*t (insert any type of people) say. White Girls, Bougie Black Girls :-/, Purple Squirrels... good times. Everyone else has had so much fun compiling their lists, I thought I'd jump on the bandwagon too. Of course when I write a list about Pegreaux... I actually know enough of them well enough to be accurate in my tongue-in-cheekiness. I get that it's hot in the streets to make up a list about the two chicks who deigned to speak to you at last week's Happy Hour because they thought your name tag was cute. I just thought I'd do my list a little differently.

So what's tripping lightly off of Les Pegreaux lips this days? Allow me to share..

1. "Buy my book, it will change your life!" (Or buy my t-shirt or my signature vodka or watch my show and come to my event. If you're particularly lazy - just click "LIKE"!). You have to know by now that words of epic wisdom and absolute pearls of intellectual superiority are to be found inside a Pegreaux-penned publication. Nothing is going to raise this race up or bring hordes of angry single black woman to their ultimate salvation like following the gospel of Pegreauxism. Let's raise a Hibiscus Martini at the next happy hour to this, shall we?

2. "But seriously, have you bought my book yet?" For Social Media's sake, you see me in all my Pegritude hustling and tweeting and blogging and you still haven't bought my book? That's no way to catch a man, ladies. That's no way to be on your Jay-Z-Z baller status, gents. And isn't that what this life is all about anyway?

3. I'm not doing this for me, it's all about you. A Pegreaux's battlecry is that he is not a pretentious  prick just on G.P. - he is out there grindin' for the betterment of all black people everywhere (especially those that have purchased their books).

4. "You need to get to my level." I love it when a man tells you to get like him only to later discover his life is a freaking shambles behind closed doors.  No sir, I'm good right up and through here.

5. "Everyone is hatin' on me." For the last time, it's only "hate" if it's not justified scorn, earned disdain and hearty ridicule. The perception that you are so on point that others are threatened by your clarity of thought is both laughable and slapworthy. Anytime someone starts hollerin' about how much exponential hate is directed their way, I wonder if there's an app for deluded self-importance? 

Last but not least:
6. "...And that's why all you women are single." If the alternative is a lifetime of what you're dishing out? We're happy to stay hungry. Kthxbi.

I'll let Stevie take us out of here today. Sing it with me now: "We are amazed but not amused by all the things you say that you do..."

Please note how the entire audience is gettin' a jam on. This is from 1974 and the lyrics still go hard in the paint. Bougie out... Thoughts, comments, insights?

34 comments:

Michele said...

I couldn't have said it better.  Will someone please tell the pegreaux to just sit down already.

Sol_dier said...

I have a nickname for people like this:  'Tyrese'

Is there space for Les 'disagreeable Strawman' Pegreaux who no matter what the topic, insists on telling you what your opinion is and vehemently disagreeing with said opinion. 

Javalicious said...

SOOOOO did you see Sh*t Bougie Black Girls Say on VSB yesterday? What did ya think? OOh, wait - is this shots fired?

Jesse said...

Dammit woman! Another word to add to the Bougie Dictionary. #SoStealingPegreaux

Rob said...

I know some of these. They have been known to wear bowties and argyle sweater vests and have lengthy discussions about capitalism and scotch.

Grace said...

"Scotch and capitalism"
*dead*

Monica said...

I declare pegreaux the word of the day :).

#1. The Bible changed my life. You better than that?

#2. If you front me the cash today, I will gladly pay you on Tuesday.

#3. There's over 23 million black folks in this country. Your back must be tired from trying to carry all of us.

#4. I passed your level awhile ago. Catch up, son.

#5. Hating is for commoners which you clearly are not. Remove the word from your lexicon sir.

#6. The pegreaux equivalent of , "I ain't like you anyway!"

blackprofessor said...

Dead at pegreaux!  Chele, I have to add one to the list, my all time personal favorite

"I was called to do this..."

thinklikeRiley said...

Hibiscus Martini?
Justified scorn?
Chele ain't playing with ya'll today.
Not. At. All.

DCbywayofCali said...

7) I'm an expert in education. Oh wait that's not selling. I'm an expert in relationships. Not buying that? I can make you money on Wall Street.

Rinse. Repeat.

Paul on Ice said...

"I know the President" Wait, what do you mean he won't take my call?
WHELP!

JojoRaze said...

Chele, you are a full service blogger.  You provide solid resume advice--you were great in the comments yesterday--and comment on the pregreaux hucksters?  WIN!!!

TrulyPC said...

When I entered BnB and saw that picture I screamed, "Noooooooo".  These two have me tired, perplexed and frustrated.  If only the would just go have a seat!

sherants said...

*sigh*

Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man is being turned into a movie...starring Chris Brown. 

rozb said...

You can throw the pseudo-intellectual ninjas Tyrese and Steve Harvey into this mix. Both claim to have the questions, answers, and cures for everything that is ailing Black women. Meanwhile, back at their collective ranches, Tyrese is Twitter-stalking an ex, and Steve is busy trying to arrest his ex and keep her out of their son's life. Creepy, jack-leg relationship guru azzes.

I am a big fan of Stevie, and this song says it all.

However, I must wax nostalgic and pine for Stevie's old hairline.

CPL said...

Chele, you always hit the hammer on the nail head.  A brotha who's taking himself too seriously told me that I needed to allow him to focus (on what?) before he'll even ask me out for coffee.

I moved on to the next brotha in line.  LOL

CPL said...

#3. There's over 23 million black folks in this country. Your back must be tired from trying to carry all of us.

#4. I passed your level awhile ago. Catch up, son.
LMAO at both of these!!! They're priceless!

OneChele said...

The hell you say? Bruh needed to meditate on coffee? 
No. Sir.

CaliGirlED said...

LOL @ @#2 & 3!

CaliGirlED said...

*hollers*

CaliGirlED said...

Was he planning to plant  grow pick and grind the beans himself??? Da hayle?

CaliGirlED said...

1. "Buy my book, it will
change your life!"…When is it going to change yours?


2. "But seriously, have
you bought my book yet?"…Jokingly, uh huh!


3. I'm not doing this for me,
it's all about you….ALL of it??? Oooooh goodie!


4. "You need to get to my
level."…Way down there?


5. "Everyone is hatin' on
me."…Ev-ver-ry-one???


6. "And that's why all you women are
single."…And don’t forget desperate!

That's all I got on this fine Friday afternoon! LOL

maureen said...

Tavis and Dr  West just had stop here in DC @ GWU with a tour titled "Reawakening America." My question to both of them, where were they in 2006 through 2008 when the market started  to take a noise dive, and are they asking corporate America these same  questions they  are asking current adminstration?

GrownAzzMan said...

The picture is...everything!

GuessImJay said...

You kinda did the damn thing this week. 5 completely different topics, all good posts. Keep 'em coming.
p.s. As soon as I scribble a few pages on Le Bougie Bruh experience, I'm kicking off my Pegreaux Hustlenomics..

rozb said...

You would have heard crickets, then perhaps "What had happened was..."

Tavis is salty because President Obama had better things to do, like running for President, rather than attend his contrived "State of the Black Union" tripe. Cornell West is all kinds of hot and bothered because he felt he should have more White House access, especially from day one, considering he bought new neck scarves and and an afro blowout kit. Both of these pretentious ninjas can go kick rocks with flip flops on.

GammasWorld said...

Coffee tho?  

GrownAzzMan said...

New neck scarves? I wish I knew how to quit you...LOL

CaliGirlED said...

She is something special isn't she? LOL

Marioned said...

Self appointed  so call leaders.  WTH!!

maureen said...

Not the  new neck scarves and  an afro blowout kit. *dead*

Rubie said...

While I don't agree with everything Tavis and Cornell have said about the President or black people I feel their hearts are in the right place and they are trying to advance black people as a whole. The delivery is all wrong but I won't throw them away all together I don't think that is right either. Just my .02 

SN - Tavis special on PBS about education and black males was really good.

BklynBajan said...

I haven't been able to log on from my phone (or even read posts anymore) but this was definitely worth the wait!! I will be forwarding this entire post to a few self appointed pegreaux.

That Stevie Wonder song is everything! I'm ashamed to say I've jammed to it so many times and never really paid attention to the lyrics until today. Not many artist on the Billboards today will be as relevant 5 minutes from now let alone almost 40 years later.

Cheryl said...

Inserting Stevie to close out your commentary on this post...so on point.

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