Tuesday, January 03, 2012

The Hardest Thing About Relationships...


The s/o called last Wednesday and said he and the fellas were heading to New Orleans. Awesome. I was in Florida soaking up sun. I was totally cool right up until the moment the phone rang Saturday and dude said they decided to stay one more night. But... wait. It was New Year's Eve. Our first New Year's Eve together. "Are you cool with that?"

"Um, not really." Why would I be okay to spend that night apart? Especially knowing he's heading to Spain in a week or so and will miss my birthday. I felt my temper going on simmer.

Who made this decision? Shawn. After I announced that I hoped Shawn would be cuddled up next to him at midnight, I hung up. I was tart. I mean, really? New Year's Eve? With the fellas? Nah son. So after fuming about it (tweeting about it), I called back. And made my displeasure known. Vehemently. I might have been on full boil.

Him: "So... it's not okay. Got it."
Me: CLICK.

None of these dudes thought this through. Bryan's wife had sent the kids to her mother's house and had "plans" for her husband, it was Joy's first NYE with Jay, Wes' wife don't play like that. 

Not only had these geniuses let Shawn talk them into pissing off s/o's, they'd changed their flights and couldn't get a flight out for Saturday. Next thing I knew, Dude David was in a rental car motoring north with the guys along for the ride. They made it into Dallas before midnight.

Oh, I don't blame Shawn. These are grown assed men who collectively lost their minds for a minute. As Jay shuffled out of the house with Joy's six inch pump somewhere near his hindparts, he muttered, "Relationships are hard." Yes they are. Especially if you make them so.

So today, something interactive. Fill in the Blank:

The hardest thing about relationships is _______________. Here's my list for now:

1. Making sure sure everyone's priorities are aligned.
2. Keeping well-meaning friends out of the middle.
3. Learning to shake off momentary stupidity when you really want to harp on it.

Now you... fill in the blank. What do you think is the hardest thing about relationships?

85 comments:

Jubi The Great said...

The hardest thing about relationships is:
* striking a balance between your desires & your S/O's desires
* communicating your feelings/wants/needs in a way your S/O can comprehend
* not getting caught up in "the grass is greener" thoughts (either reminiscing abt single life or letting someone else catch your eye for a sec).

Ok...now Shawn? Come have a seat with the Bougie Knitting Circle, we need to talk to you boo. Its probably not a good idea to convince all your coupled up friends to miss a holiday with their boos. Take note - please don't ask them to kick it with you on Valentine's Day, k? Shoot for President's Day.

BintiMswahili said...

The hardest thing about relationships is: 

*Accepting that he can't always be the way you like
*Learning how to communicate your feelings in a way they would understand, especially when you're mad and not at your articulate best
*finding a middle ground in terms of balancing your separate interests

JaymeC said...

The hardest thing about relationships -
1. Getting in a good one
2. Recognizing a good one
3. Staying in a good one
4. Knowing when a good one turns bad
5. Getting out of a bad one

Rob said...

Managing expectations. Hers, Mine, other people's.
But it's worth it when it works.

JoyGrooves said...

Can I just cosign yours?

Mykeia said...

1. Understanding your mates thought process.
2. Adjusting to some home-training or lack thereof that your partner may or may not have received3. Love.Good morning BnB! 

Troy said...

Even I have to give Shawn some sideeye on that one. New Year's Eve, son! C'mon now.
The hardest thing about relationships to me is knowing when to stay in and when to get out.

Just_A_Thought1218 said...

The hardest things about relationships:
1. Balancing self interests with the interests of another person
2. when you've found the right one, not letting the small hiccups that occur after the honeymoon phase persuade you that the grass is greener elsewhere
3. continually working on the relationship in ways that complement both individual's behavior patterns, "love languages", communication styles, etc.

blackprofessor said...

Can I just cosign on all of yours? There is nothing else to say after this list!

Just_A_Thought1218 said...

As always, Dr. Jayme is speaking the truth.

Cassie said...

*heaves deep sigh* It's been a minute. Let me get in one and I'll tell you.

Just_A_Thought1218 said...

What I find, well, interesting, is that phone calls were made after flights were changed.  Although I'm not sentimental about NYE, that fact alone would have sent me off the deep end.  Especially since I am most certainly sentimental about my birthday, and if an S/O were going to miss it, AND miss the holiday prior, I might have reached the highest levels of pissivity.

Shawn, sweetie, lessened learned.  You may have used dude logic and high levels of testosterone to convince your friends that they didn't "have to ask permission cuz they're MENZ! *insert chest thumping*" but that is not a good look for the long run.  Y'all may be the GA Boys, but y'all are grown azz men.  And grown azz men don't cause unnecessary drama in relationships.  Got it?  Smooches!

Pure Choco said...

See Chele - this is why you rock cuz I would have been threatening to cut fools. And all them cute ass GA boys would have felt my wrath. How stupid can you be? I know Dude did grab some wheels and head for home. SMDH!

Pure Choco said...

All of this ^^^ right here.

DJ Reggie Beas said...

…is that people make them hard. Relationships are easy… if you both focus on making the other person happy, then there is (usually) nothing to worry about.

However, I think the single hardest thing about relationships is matching expectations. We are so busy being "in love" that we forget to figure out if we are compatible. If…

• you want to date a "baller," but you ARE dating a financial analyst, you might have a problem if you expect flossiness.

• the cocoa comes in 4 different ways (5 on your birthday), but you're dreaming of Cocoa by Kama Sutra, there may be some issues.

• you've never given more than a card and candy for Valentine's Day, and that is the barely bare minimum she is willing to accept, know that you'll be Matrixing around various household items.

Obviously (at least to me) communication is the key, but realize that that means speaking AND listening, folks. Yes, fellas, we don't listen, but ladies, you are guilty of hearing what you want to hear (and seeing what you want to see, but that's another topic). It is far more productive to find someone who naturally meets your expectations rather than wrestling that person to the ground, branding "mine" on their left cheek, then getting the carving knife out to whittle away the gnarly parts.

MsJamie14 said...

New Years is my favorite holiday, so I would totally be on full boil as well. Especially if it was my first with a s/o!

I spent the day with my NYE date, he ran out for errands and I went to church. It was all good as long as you're back by 11:30 or so. Why did I get a call "I don't think I'll make it in time..." fortunately he was just pranking me. Yay for me for holding it together to get to the "just kidding, I'm outside" part. LOL

The hardest part about relationships is considering someone else's need and just not your own.

maureen said...

Everything she said.

maureen said...

Chic, I once  try to cancel on ex-s.o b/d (January 9th) because I did not feeling like dealing with snow in NJ. Mind you, he was in Kenya for xmas through new year, so we had not seen each other for over a  month. UN peace keeping  could not  broker peace in that situation.

To that end, I will  grab your number 1; keeping  everyone's priorities aligned.

GrownAzzMan said...

This post screams GROWING PAINS! The hardest thing about relationships is being sensitive to your partners needs BEFORE making decisions that may affect them adversely (i.e. flights are changed). For some reason, these things have a way of rearing their ugly heads around the holidays.

PS: This is not on Shawn. Those in relationships should have known better.

thinklikeRiley said...

Dave, dude. You knew betta. I know you rolled up with more than a smile after that mis-step.
As for relationships, scroll down to Dr. Jayme's comment and cosign, cosign, cosign.

Andrea M said...

*throws a benji in the offering and praise dancing all around number 4 and 5*

Sincere said...

Hardest things for me are:

knowing how to open up
knowing when to walk away
knowing when to stay and fight for the relationship
knowing how to balance my obligations

and oddly enough, knowing when to put myself first.

LadyNgo said...

I can't blame Shawn...he's not the one in the relationship. And its a lil *hmmm* that you'd let your friend talk you into something like this, cuz thereafter i'd be wondering just what else your friends are capable of talking you into!

As for hardest things:
-Not only being able to consider your s/o's needs and wants in addition to your own, but actually WANTING TO!
-Picking your battles.
-Keeping the energy alive. Its way to easy to get lazy, boring, and complacent.

tiffanyinhouston said...

The hardest part about relationships is learning to trust yourself and your partner on the decisions that ya'll jointly make and ignore the peanut gallery of folks who always are going to have something to say but don't have to sleep in the bed with an angry S/O who is giving you his back.

That being said, dude logic is a mofo! LOL!

Earthangel172 said...

^^^This sums it up for me.

BB Waite said...

When you add dude logic to group think - it's a cluster.

David Chase said...

What had happened was...
I thought what you said was...
Le Manly Sigh.

David Chase said...

I showed up with - Jewelry. Apologies. Liquor. Grovelling. To name a few.

Jeannette said...

Many a idea sounded like a great one in the presence of homies... LOL.

Man's World said...

Am I the only one wondering if they tracked down Steve in NoLa and kicked his ass?

AnnettePearl said...

Yaaass!

TrulyPC said...

Well for me your #1 is the top relationship crusher in my history.  I never understood why it was hard to understand that relationships have expectations of consideration.  If we are just cool then that is one thing but to be in a relationship means considering that other person.  And yeah,  Shawn isn't at fault for this at all.  "Dude Logic" (thanks TIH) is a group think travesty.

Only1DivaC said...

Co-sign on everything you said. As for Shawn, we need to hold a prayer vigil for his behind. Bless his still single heart!

Jubi The Great said...

Ha! Let's see if they answer that one.

Leo the Yardie Chick said...

All of this. I don't need to brainstorm anything else.

Regina said...

Hmm, I'd say the hardest thing about relationships is communication. You'd think that it gets easier with more time invested, but it actually complicates things. You take for granted that the other person will just go with the flow, or that they "should know" what you're going through, how you feel about something, if you're in a good mood, etc., but even if you've known each other awhile, you still have to speak up and let your feelings be known, not just assume your s/o is going to just "get it." That's something I've had to realize and work on.

Also, life just happens sometimes. Phones ring, plans change, crises pop up, and in the middle of managing your life, you have to make more effort to carve out time to just enjoy being with each other, create a little bubble for a moment and block out the rest. Both me and the S/O have seen too much of funerals, graves and hospitals in the past year with our families (right now, his mom has been in the hospital since the first week of December), so it's been hard to create much us time outside of work, church and visiting family. Still working on turning that around...

GuessImJay said...

Er. uh. No comment.

Newbie 124 said...

Wow, I thought I was the only one arguing with my bf last week as he was making plans to go out with the homies on NYE. I was on full boil and the most frustating part was he didn't understand my anger. He thought I was over reacting. This was to be our 1st NYE as a couple.

The hardest thing about relationships is -
Getting through the phase after the honeymoon phase
Communicating - from  listening  to conveying your thoughts and feelings effectively
Compromise - how and when to compromise
the grass is greener thoughts (as mentioned below)
managing expectations

SingLikeSassy said...

Isn't Shawn single? Why would y'all listen to his ass when allllllllllllll y'alll boo'd up and HE'S single?! 'Splain that.

As to the hardest thing about relationships, I'm just going with what Ms. Jayme said. Rinse and repeat.

ShawnSoze said...

Ouch!

ShawnSoze said...

In the spirit of N"awlins - let me drop this tune on you and run for the side door
"It Ain't My Fault"
http://youtu.be/xnR1BrGgRVM

Allykat said...

The hardest thing about relationships is COMMUNICATION. If you don't have that, you can be successful anywhere else.

MsJamie14 said...

Heck, I'm giving you a *fist bump* for being able to convinced 4 grown azz, boo'd up men to stay an extra day. Holiday travel is a beast, no wonder y'all couldn't get a flight out. #duh

Please blame it on the Hurricanes so or something fellas. LOL

CaliGirlED said...

LMAO!!! I knew Chele would hit us with a bang, but I so wasn't expecting this!...Lemme see what y'all talkin bout down here.

CaliGirlED said...

*pays tithes and offerings* *adds in a love offering* *rocks back and forth humming and fanning*

CaliGirlED said...

*praise dances up and down the aisles, non stop*

CaliGirlED said...

Yay for the New Boo! (And his sense of humor! *side-eye to him*)

CaliGirlED said...

Exactly!!! Shawn is single and was just trying to hang out and party with his boys! THEY, all of them, should have known better! Shawn gets a glimpse, but the rest of them get a mean azz stare down!

CaliGirlED said...

And you better had!

Only1DivaC said...

Please get that man told!!

CaliGirlED said...

You knew better, but now I bet you'll DO better!...Ok all is forgiven! #YouCare LOL!!!

CaliGirlED said...

THIS^^^

CaliGirlED said...

I know I was thinking it last week when Chele tweeted that they were in New Orleans! But I didn't want to put any negative energy out there! LOL

CaliGirlED said...

*hollers and falls out while twirling handkerchief to the music*

CaliGirlED said...

"Heck, I'm giving you a *fist bump* for being able to convince 4 grown azz, boo'd up men to stay an extra day."...Man!!!

CaliGirlED said...

As much as I love my brethren and as much respect as I have for my Bougie Bruhs, this simply affirms my belief that men are just dumb! That.is.all.

MsJamie14 said...

Hold your horses now! It was just a date. I get plenty of those that don't lead to Booville. LOL

MsJamie14 said...

Right...how you gonna mess up on a day where gifts aren't even expected? Then have to buy gifts to make up for your stupidity? LOL.

Trey Charles said...

Wayment...

Grace said...

Pardon my grammar but - what da hell wuz dey thankin'????

invectiva said...

Whoa... Dude Logic... yeah.  If a stranger from another state coulda seen that train coming, I woulda thought the boys would have hopped off that track immediately. Ouch.

For me, the hardest thing about relationships is getting someone else to realize his/her perspective is not the only one that counts when there's interpersonal crisis.

michaeldavis said...

Not since LeBron went to South Beach has such a "Decision" been vilified in the media LOL


That being said: At risked of being put on some BnB hit-list... on any bro's trip...  it can happen. 
HOWEVER...I'm giving them some credit.  A lot of guys would've said I'll just apologize when I get back but I'm rollin' with my boys THIS weekend.  But they did hop in a car and come home.

michaeldavis said...

Not that I endorse it, but this was the clip that came to mind


http://twitvid.com/Y6FNR

Nutty Profezzor said...

Lurker checking in!
The hardest thing about relationships  for me is:1. Communication- we're both stubborn, but the logical vs. emotional struggle is real!
2. Making sure our priorities are aligned- I like to plan ahead and he would prefer to wait until every possible contingency is accounted for (admirable but annoying!)
3. Managing expectations- I'm engaged and even though the relationship is about the two of us, you have to deal with both of your families' issues as well. Eg, the holiday shuffle and the impending wedding planning O_O

Sean Ranel said...

I might get dogged out for this but I'm staying neutral on this one simply because there doesn't seem to be enough details. For example; did ya'll have NYE plans already and if so what where they? If you did and the plans were out, tickets were bought, basically anything outside of sitting at home chilling then I understand your response and that's just dumb to try to cancel the day of. But if ya'll didn't even have plans why get heated when from the guys POV ya'll weren't doing anything anyways?  I like to know as much detail as possible so I can justify my bandwagon jumping haha. 

CaliGirlED said...

And I STILL love ya like a play cousin!

CaliGirlED said...

Man logic can be detrimental to a relationship for real!

Ok, on any major holiday, man made or otherwise (if you're not sure pull out the calendar and discuss with her soon after the 3rd date - cause by then y'all go together, LOL), if you do not have specific plans to be APART, then you have plans to be together. Whether you are snoring, rubbing each other's feet, watching tv, hanging w/ friends,  having dinner or shaking a tail feather, it will be done TOGETHER!

CaliGirlED said...

Oh then I take back my side-eye, can't be throwing them out all nilly willy! LOL

rozb said...

The hardest thing about relationships can sometimes simply be just "relating".

rozb said...

Sean - in a serious relationship, especially one where the dude has puffed his chest out and given major side-eye for the lightest of relationship infractions (hi Dave!), Chele had every right to expect first consideration to bring the New Year in. Whether she had bought a whole outfit and tickets somewhere, or stayed home in a ponytail and sweats, it is expected the man will want to be with his woman. Particularly when he put in the effort and work to pursue a relationship in the first place.

rozb said...

CaliGirl - also known as Honey Badger!

rozb said...

Look at you GAM throwing in that GAM logic!

rozb said...

Too many side-eyes give you a headache. >__>  OW!

Monica said...

The hardest thing about relationships is clear communication. I can't
tell you how many times my hubby says something and by the time it
reaches my ears it sounds like something else. I end up saying "If you
had just said (insert to the point statement here) I'd have understood!" at least twice a week.  LOL

keishabrown said...

the hardest thing about relationships? being in one. the second hardest? not being in one. 

Rubie said...

WAVES my prayer cloth at you whew expectations expectations and expectations YES LAWD!!

CaliGirlED said...

Right!

Brenda Kay said...

^^^Amen! 

CaliGirlED said...

LOL!!! Awww I'm not that bad! *whispers* Am I? *snickers*

CaliGirlED said...

Ha!!! True true!

Bleeks Angel said...

DYIN at THIS....DEAD!

GammasWorld said...

As GAM said, growing pains.  Cute from the outside looking in.  Dr. J. filled in my blanks with everything I wanted to say but she did it short and sweet like - I was trying to write a blog post of my own.  Anywho.   David gets all kinds of points from me for renting that car and getting self and the crew to Dallas.   Shawn's not at fault ... he's just thinking like a guy that's not boo'd up ... let's stay and kick it.  With music blaring, drinks flowing, people laughing and having a good time - dude logic said "this makes all the sense in the world" or in bruh language *yeah* with that bass like they do.      I've had the misfortune of being with the dudes that would've said "she's pissed but I'll deal with it when I get home - let's roll" or in other words doing what the hell *he* wants regardless of how it affects *us*.    A general rule of thumb for the fellas though is unless otherwise specifically mentioned, assume *all* holidays mean more to the woman than to you LOL - we can be some sentimental creatures :)  

Fmcletodal said...

The hardest thing about relationships are the ability communicate effectively with your mate. We, as men, aren't mind readers. Say what you mean...and mean what you say. That goes for us men as well as you women. Also keeping your pride in check is an issue that people struggle with at times.

Marioned said...

The hardest thing about relationships is that men and women view them so differently and have different needs.

Cheap Flights to Windhoek said...

Travel and change of place impart new vigor to the mind.

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