Friday, September 30, 2011

A collective Woo-Woo-Woo

Everybody take a deep breath in. Look at the Soothing Circle of WooWooWoo above. And exhale.

I could say this nicely or I could just say it...

Some of you are taking shiggity WAY too personally on this blog. It's not that crucial. This is a blog. We laugh, we share, we learn. Open discourse as you will. If you are in any way confused right now, pause and review all the Bouge Rules.

Those are my goals. Since it's my blog, things are generally told from my point of view. You can agree, disagree, agree to disagree or say nothing at all. Either way, it kind of is what it is.

This isn't high school. This isn't higher education. It's the Internet. If you feel your point is not getting across, you can  certainly share yours... to a point. Beyond that point, I invite you to launch a blog of your own and reference folks to it on the regular.

I try to be all inclusive but let's be clear here - my journey may not be yours. I may not get where you are coming from. Occasionally, I may poke fun at something you hold dear. Feel free to mock me in return. I'm tough, I can take it. I'm not divine, I'm nowhere near perfection so if you're looking for God-like acceptance and inclusion, seek a deity not me. Jesus ain't through with me yet.

People's opinions and comments are their own. Yet some of you slink about and wait for someone to say something you virulently disagree with and then you call them out. And attempt to beat them about the head and neck with your opinion which you've decided trumps all others.

Asking someone in accusatory tone - "Why would you say that" is moot. They said it because that's how they felt at the time they were typing or they were dangling bait which you just took. Elevate the debate, please. A great response would be "I don't understand how you reached that conclusion, can you elaborate on this point?"

I don't mind snark but there's a whiff of nasty that rears its ugly up in here from time to time. No thank you. Others of you clearly need a hug and may want to rethink if a blog is really where you want to work on your feelings of abandonment/neglect/narcissism/fill in the ailment here. I'm also going to need some of you to learn where and how to direct your anger. I didn't hurt you. I doubt the other readers did either. Relax, relate, release. Yes fellas, I'm talking to some of your bitter behinds too.

Hmm. Guess I decided to just say it. We can chalk this up to hormones (and we'd be 85% correct) or we can say it was time for a Come to Bougie Moment. Take it as you will. In the meantime, group hug?

*lights sage candles and passes around chamomile tea... in purple cups* Thoughts?

Thursday, September 29, 2011

A minor rant: Black Men - I got your new hu$tle right here

Brothers, bro-hams, ninjas & bruhs... pull up a chair. Economy keeping you down? Not getting any love from The Man? Need a brand new hustle to take you to higher ground? I got it right here, fellas. This is the truth. Guar-an-teed to have you rolling, big pimpin', ballerific in no time flat.

[cue the music - Here comes the brand new flava in ya ear...] You ready? Want to hear it... let's start with the prerequisites:

First and foremost, you don't need any damn credentials. Nan one. All you have to be is black & male. Degree? What? Naw, son. That's just paper. This hustle right here is beyond that old school nonsense. 

Secondly, you don't have to look like much. Or anything. We can get you a tight fade, a shiny suit and a half-decent smile - you'll be alright. 

Thirdly, your ideas don't have to be based in fact. You can make this ish up as you go. Even flip flop it later if that's the way the money flow. You don't have to be consistent or anything. 

Alas, you do have to be a hustler. If you ain't about stepping over others; trampling folks, facts and feelings as you head up - this may not be for you.

Did you pass those four? Still in possession of a penis? Yes? Than you are ready to get it in. Yessir, with what you have learned thus far... you too can be...

A Relationship Expert!!! [cue the music - All I do is win, win, win no matter what...]

Here's what you do next -
1. Get you a Twitter account. Come up with a snappy name like @AllBoutDaLadeez or @GirlGetAMan - you will have 10,000 followers in no time. I mean by tomorrow, son! 
2. Decide what you want in a woman. Doesn't matter if it makes sense. Six foot two, 108 pounds, can look Brazilian with right lighting, only wears BeBe and Steve Madden, cooks authentic Mandarin cuisine from scratch - whatever, that's perfect! Just write up a list on a napkin or a paper plate you borrowed from Big Momma. That's fine. Memorize your list though, you'll need to repeat these often. Call it something clever like "The Man-Catching Manifesto" - the title has got to sizzle. 
3. Now this is important. You need to publish your Manifesto. Website, hardcopy, e-book, FaceBook, all of that. Hold seminars where you charge 26x what is reasonable. See if Nightline will have you on. Maybe BET or VH1 will give you a reality show! 
4. Now tweet the revolution, baby! You are roll-ing! Stand up, tell women how they can get them a good man just. like. you. Be sure to emphasize every thing they are doing wrong as a gender and a race collectively. This is not about individuals. No. Groupthink is what we need here. And if you can find a way to throw in some accusatory shame & blame? Even better. "Girl, you too educated to get a man." "Girl, you need to loose 30 pounds and smile more to get a man". See where I'm going with that?
5. Believe in yo' product. This shiggity will sell! I'm telling you. As long as you present this with some authority and speak on it like you mean it, you are about to Get. Paid. Son! I'm talking Steve Harvey dollar$ here, man!
Now get on out there and talk to women like they are thirsty desert-wanderers and your words are the only oasis in 300 miles. You can do it, I know you can. Oh, can I get a cut of the proceeds? I'm a single black woman, I need every dime I can get. :-/

BougieLand, who has had it UP TO HERE with all these New Jack Relationship Experts? I know I have.

Wednesday, September 28, 2011

Open Mic day on BnB

Ah yes, it's reader participation day. You all are a talkative bunch. Put your keyboard where your mouth is... or something like that.

Have questions for me, one of the BougieLand faithful, the world at large? Who wants to know what Riley does for a living, what's Coretta's next event, how did Tiffany's anniversary go, where have Grown Ass Man and AnotherWord43 been? Ask away.

Surely there's an opinion you've been dying to share, a point you're itching to make, a song you want to sing, a booty you want to shake? Now's your chance. Get it in. Two rules - keep it NC-17 and be nice. In other words, let's be bougie out there. 

The floor (and mic) is yours... whatcha got?

Tuesday, September 27, 2011

I'm a girlfriend, not a geisha

Blogger's disclaimer: Don't come at me about hating on geishas. I'm not, it's just a helpful alliteration not a cultural knock.

I have this one rabid email/twitter/facebook stalker who feels compelled to write me twice a week and tell me what's wrong with black women in the 21st century. It's actually a group of regulars that want to share their opinions: on why black woman are single, alone and hopeless to change their unfortunate circumstances. I generally delete without reading skim the first few sentences and then move on.

But I noticed that the last few emails were specifically about me and what I was doing wrong in my situation. The line that caught my eye was:
You are going to lose your man to an Asian woman because they know how to cater to men. They know how to kneel down and let their men stand tall. Black women only get on their knees for one reason and they aren't very good at that.
Ummmkay. I'm going to let you digest that for a minute while I share a few lines from an Ask a Bougie Chick that I refused to publish:
You should definitely write more posts about what a woman needs to do to keep a man. Even though you can be kinda ballsy, you appear to know how to play your position. A man wants to worshiped, not whipped into shape.
See now... this is the sort of stuff that sets my teeth on edge. There are so many things wrong with these statements, I don't even know where to start. Of course I do. The worst thing about the first quote is that it was written by a woman. I'm not getting into the whole submit/obey meme - we have been there, done that around here and ne'er shall the two sides agree. My point with this is that you would think a woman would know better than to rampantly stereotype other women. I think Asian women must be just as sick of being called meek and mild as Black women are of being called brash and bold. 

The line about getting on the knees is just so out-of pocket, I can't even address it. But it does make one curious - how does she know sisters aren't good at that? Where did she gather her intel? Food for thought. 

The second quote is one of those backhanded compliments I hate so very much. I'm "ballsy" but I know how to "play my position"!? For real tho? What position might that be? You know what? Never mind.

You all know I could go in on that for another six paragraphs. Yet I shan't. Here's what I will say - when are folks going to learn to appreciate nuance or subtle differentiation in thought, word and deed? You can cater to a man without kissing his ass. You can decide to fall back and let him handle things without being a doormat. Deference ≠ Docility. Relenting ≠ Rolling Over. Agreement ≠ Acquiescence. 

On the flip, you can expect your man to cater to you in return. You can get to a point where you know each other's strengths and weaknesses and know when to defer to the other. David knows world financial markets, I know shopping at World Market. David is into historical biography, I watch the History and Biography Channels. If we're even on Jeopardy, we'd totally rock.

This next point cannot be stressed often enough - if a man leaves a woman for a different type of woman, he was leaving anyway. And if a woman twists herself into pretzel shapes trying to be exactly what he wants and he leaves anyway... how does that leave her? Twisted. 

Last but not least, why do folks always assume that the same thing that works on them will work on someone else? With the notable exceptions of sex and steak sandwiches, not all men like the same things. So why on God's green earth would I aspire to write about how you should keep your man and make him happy? If I had that magic formula, you already know where I'd be... the beach house in Fiji with the Cabana Boy and a lifetime supply of vanilla rum. 

Men, do you seriously want to be worshiped? I would think that would get exhausting up on that white charger 24/7. Bougieland, what say you to Idiot One and Idiot Two above? And when will someone come up with a better way to block spam? The floor is yours...

Monday, September 26, 2011

Obama done you wrong? I feel bad for you, son...

An Open Letter...

Hey there, disgruntled citizen! I saw you on the news, internet, blogosphere going in on how Obama personally let you down. You are so disillusioned, disappointed, disheartened at the direction he's taking this country. You are tired of all those pretty speeches and promissory notes and you either want him to straighten up and do the right thing or just get out of the way and let someone else handle it. I hear you, I hear you loud and clear.

Now hear me. 

Maybe your issue is that he hasn't done enough for black people, kindly have several seats. He is the President of the entire United States, not just the chocolate inhabitants. Did you think once he got into office, we were all going to get "da hook-up"? Please detail what more you would like him to do and how exactly you would like him to get that done working with the Congress he's stuck with. And then allow me to point out that if you think he isn't doing enough??? Wait till you see what you get out of Cain, Perry, Bachmann, Romney, whoever. 

Maybe your issue is that he hasn't worked hard enough to change/pass/update insert your legislative concern here. Please review my statement about Congress to issue #1 above and carry on.

Maybe your issue is that he's not bowing down to kiss your ass, inviting you to the White House, or letting you hang out with the cool kids? (Yes, this is massive shade being thrown in the direction of Tavis and Cornel) Well, not everybody gets a beer summit. If this is the burr in your blanket, you need better people. Or better yet, why don't you do something so awesomely useful and motivating that he has to acknowledge your sheer greatness? I'll wait.

Maybe your issue is that he's black, articulate, intelligent and not scared of you. All I can tell you is that haterade is not attractive. 

Maybe your issue is that you thought things would be better under his regime and they just aren't (for you). Yes, here is where I drag out the "who got us into this mess in the first place" argument. Here is where I give you the side-eye and wonder if you thought he had a magic wand, crystal ball or some pixie dust hidden behind his back. He's out there stumping like a bible salesman to create some jobs, he's fighting like a tired welterweight against heavy hitters trying to fix the economy, he's hustling like Pookie on the corner at the first of the month... what more do you want him to do?

Maybe you have some other issue that I don't care know enough about. I was taught that when presenting a problem, you also must present a solution. Do you have one? Care to share? And get it funded? And approved by a Congress that would rather see you fail than see America prosper? I'll wait.

Clearly, I'm #TeamObeezy but I do realize he's not perfect. For all his imperfections, missteps and miscues - I still believe at the bottom of it all that he has this country's bests interests at heart. Can you honestly say that about any of the GOP contenders? (Can you say hidden agenda, turn the clock back, hide your children? I know I can)

I had the pleasant experience of someone disagreeing with me on Twitter yesterday. I thought Florida displayed an extraordinary amount of crazy for selecting Herman Cain as a viable candidate in a straw poll. This person said I was angry because I couldn't shout racism and suggested that I go die in a fire. (He really did, and hashtagged it - #dieinafire) And that right there is what I'm talking about. When folks on the left get ticked off we whine and pout and act like Obama skipped out on a scheduled play date (Maxine). When folks on the right get slightly threatened they start reaching for kerosene. Alright, that's a sweeping generalization but you get my drift.

I feel like half of America is treating Obama like a new husband. They loved the courtship, the build-up, the promises and the ceremony was breathtaking. But now that they've been in this for a few years, they're mad he doesn't take out the garbage or mow the lawn. And that's all they can focus on. Never mind that he's trying to build a new house from the ground up, cleaned up the neighborhood and took on the bullies from across the street. So what are you gong to do - trade him in for a new one? Think the next guy is going to do better? Think long and hard on that one.

And in case you're wondering what Obama has done for you lately? Check out a list of the campaign promises he has kept so far. (Just imagine what he could do with some support!)

In closing, I will quote from the Book of Obeezy, CBC edition: "Shake it off. Stop complainin'. Stop grumblin'. Stop cryin'. We are going to press on. We have work to do."


Saturday, September 24, 2011

Friday, September 23, 2011

Dating Up - A Bougie Bachelor Chronicle

Hey everybody, this is David. Sometimes referred to as 3N, Le Ninja Nouveau, Batman and Studmuffin. No? Not studmuffin? I'm being censored as I type. Long story short, I am he who dates her. La Contessa de Bouge. I'm proud to say we'll hit the eight month mark in about a week. Time flies when you're having the time of your life.

Since I'm boarding a plane headed to China Friday afternoon and I won't be around for a while; I was coerced decided to write my one and only Bougie Bachelor post. So here goes.

First, a little bit about me. I'm from a small town in Southern Georgia. I'm the youngest of five, the only boy and I was an angel growing up. (That's my story, doubt me.) My parents were solidly middle class and raised us with an emphasis on education and academic excellence, an old school work ethic and what I can only describe as "down home" values. I was raised to be a Southern gentleman. Not sure I've always succeeded there, but for the most part, I've tried.

When I first moved away from home I had a life plan. I was going to finish college, get an MBA, and then meet Mrs. Chase, buy a house, two cars, settle down, have two kids and retire at forty. I'm thirty-six. I have the MBA, the house and the cars. Working on the rest. 

No doubt that looking back, I was so proud of what I'd accomplished that it never occurred to me to do more. Professionally and personally. Things (okay women) have generally come easy to me. There's probably some great saying about how things that come easy aren't really appreciated. What I didn't know then that I definitely know now... it's okay to reach beyond the stratosphere especially in your relationships. It's okay to work really harder than you've ever worked in your life for it. 

When I first started reading this blog, I was kind of intrigued by the mind behind it. I can say with about 70% honesty that I was drawn in by the brain before I saw the beauty. I'll never be sure how much the opportunity to meet her weighed into my decision to move to Dallas. But I do know that once I met her, I went borderline stalker in my quest. The woman is not easy but nothing worth having ever is.

What I'm saying to you, fellow Bougie Bruhs - date up. Find someone smarter, better-looking, more articulate, deeper-thinking, bigger-dreaming, more creative than you ever plan on being. Then make sure she gets that you are none of those things but have her back. If she still decides to put up with you, then fight like hell to keep her. (Something I have to figure out how to do from 7000 miles away) Just trust me on this, the journey is worth it. Even when it's a steep uphill climb. Not liking that? Even when the road gets rocky. How's that?

That's it, that's all the brilliance I have to share without getting filleted in my sleep emo. Keep an eye on Wonder Woman while I'm gone. David out.

BougieLand, not even sure what to do with that but I do I have to ask... who dates down? Deliberately? Don't we all want to date up? And if we all do, what does that mean for everyone else? Oh, while I'm asking - who has tips for long distance relationships? Really, really long distance... Le Sigh.

Wednesday, September 21, 2011

The Problem with Twitter Activism...

I love Twitter. I really do. I've met so many fascinating, ratchet, interesting, out-of-pocket, classy, ignant, unforgettable people there. It is definitely a quick and painfree way to reach a lot people in a short amount of time. Twitter can open your world to people and ideas that you may not have been exposed to anywhere else.

With one glance through my columns on TweetDeck, I can know the weather worldwide. Sports scores, the latest Obama sighting, who said what in Congress, what's up on Wall Street and what celeb just did something regrettable. Who died, who got pregnant, who started dating, who just broke up - it's all there to see. I also know who is reading what, watching what, eating what. And I know what the latest soapbox issue of the day is as well as ongoing causes and campaigns.

Never was this more apparent than with the case of Troy Davis. I can tell you who is for and against the death penalty, who believes the justice system in America is fatally flawed and who is still an eternal optimist. I can tell you who had never heard of Troy Davis before Monday and who has been blogging and tweeting his cause for years. 

Either way, it doesn't matter. We are able to (finally) get our issues heard by driving trending topics that news organizations pay attention to. Whether or not Twitter manipulated the trending lists to "shut down" the Troy Davis discussion will be hotly debated for months. What we do know is that by attempting to shut down a topic, they actually drew more attention to it. And that's great... though not good enough. 

I need folks to understand something fundamental about activism... it still requires action. It's awesome to draw attention to the wrongs of the world by tweeting about them but at some point, you have to get up from behind your keyboard and stand up for what you believe in.

I say this right now with less than fourteen months to the 2012 elections. If no one else sees the direction this country is heading in, I'm happy to be the one to tell you - it's not good. Tweeting, Facebooking, and blogging are great vehicles to share opinions and disseminate information. But I'm going to need folks to do a bit more than rant in 140 characters or less.

Ranting in tweet after tweet about how the Supreme Court ain't sh*t does very little. Putting people in office who can shape the judicial system and fight for what you believe in? It's everything. Everything.

Quite simply, I ask this of you:

Vote. Take others to vote. Join a phone bank. Learn who your representatives are and how to contact them. Buy a t-shirt, write a check, support a candidate, go to a debate, get into it. No one is going to do this for you. Get yo' tweet on, find like minded individuals and mobilize. Your tweet is only as good as the action behind it. It's going to take more than keyboard bravery to get this country on the right track. Vote.

And before you ask, well what are you doing Ms. Michele? Don't worry about me. I'm all knee deep up in Organizing for America. Plus I've got some covert ops style ideas I'm running with. (If Rick Perry disappears, he may or may not be wrapped in purple satin and locked in the trunk of a German sedan while being forced to listen to R&B hits of the 90s. But you didn't hear it from me)

The revolution will not be tweeted, people. (You can count on somebody to shut that down) it will be in the streets and at the polls. See you there. Thoughts?

Tuesday, September 20, 2011

Do you have any idea of how (un)attractive you are?

Sitting outside of Starbuck's Saturday, I was inadvertently sucked into some random dude's delusions. Now I've matured enough to the point where I don't judge a book by its cover. Attractiveness is great but let's be real. Looks come and go, can be bought or sold. If a person has some basics to work with I assume they can be made to look more attractive by numerous ways and means.

That being said, this gentleman was not very attractive. It wasn't just that his features didn't mesh together well, dude was unkempt. He was of medium height, light-skinned, and very thin but literally looked like he had spent the night in a dumpster and was not on well-versed with some basic rules of hygiene. For a man with a $3000 laptop in front of him and BMW keys clutched in his hand, he needed to be on better speaking terms with lotion. And toenail clippers. And a dentist, dermatologist and nutritionist. Just saying. Dude was busted.

Nonetheless, I wasn't judging Monsieur Crusty until... he sat down with a group of friends loudly proclaiming how he only dated "model quality" women. He went on to talk about how some girl approached him at a party the night before and he "shut her down swiftly" because she wasn't "Beyonce beautiful." He went on to say he "couldn't play around with pennies and nickels" only entertained "dimes and quarters."

My mouth dropped open and I had to keep from falling out of my chair. Dude, what? So now not only was he unattractive in outer appearance, the interior wasn't coming out so pretty either. As I listened to him go on and on, I realized he had drunk the entire gallon of "I'm a wealthy single black man, I'm a commodity, and women will fall at my feet" Kool-aid.

Luckily, I didn't need to march over and set dude straight. Two of the girls in his crew went ALL the way in on him. One of them went so far as to ask him what he saw when he looked in the mirror. Le Ouch. This began a debate over personal attractiveness - what comprises it, do people really have a good sense of how they look and sound to others and what cancels all of that out. 

For instance, two of the women and one guy at the table said they would date someone less attractive if the chemistry, personality, etc was there. One woman said (predictably) she would date a less attractive man for a little while if he was wealthy enough. (Shocker) Then the conversation devolved into whether a woman with a great body but an okay face would "rate higher" than a woman with a gorgeous face and bad body. I had to go at that point. They were starting to dissect people into body parts. No thank you. 

So this got me thinking about you, BougieLand. Where do you rank yourself on the attractiveness scale (no, I won't use numbers) and how important are looks when rating someone's overall attractiveness? Let's hear your thoughts, comments, insights and just for fun, here's a poll or two...

Monday, September 19, 2011

It's that time again... Fall TV premiere week

I can't do it this year, ya'll. I can't. Year after year, I get all excited about new shows and the possibility of more than two black fleeting faces in support roles. The only show I will absolutely commit to this year is The Good Wife. Okay, I'll probably watch Boardwalk Empire too. As for the new shows? I haven't been paying too much attention.

I notice there is a fresh crop of "strong white female" cop shows a la The Closer. I hate when Hollywood takes one good idea and runs it into the ground. Nor will I be watching Broke Chicks, Whitney or New Girl. I'm not totally against White Chick Angst Disguised As Comedy shows but someone would have to sell me on them first.

Here are two new offerings from ABC:

There's a new Charlie's Angels:

Kerry Washington comes to TV in a Shonda Rhimes' (Grey's) vehicle, Scandal:

Thoughts? What are we watching this season and why? What looks good?

Friday, September 16, 2011

Bougie Bachelorette Chronicles - Episode 14: "I am not eye candy!"

After a certain age, it just sounds weird to refer to someone as your Boyfriend or Girlfriend. I'm not sure why except maybe the fact we are no longer boys and girls? I don't know. It sounds silly. If you are not engaged or married but in a committed relationship, what do you call your s/o?

Partner sounds like more of a domestic or business relationship. Calling someone your lover is way too Parisian for me. Referring to them as a significant other is fine in print but sounds pretentious in person. I've never been one for the "this is my man" "this is my lady" flow... for some reason that sounds very 1970s boom-chica to me. Special friend sounds like either payment took place or one of you broke out of the psych ward. I tend to either say "friend" or just use the first name and let people draw their own damned conclusions.

At 3N's family reunion, the issue came up a lot. (More than was necessary)
"Uncle Joe, this is my... Michele."
"Your Michele?"
"You know what I mean"
"Nah son - you got say things plain."
"Hey cuz have you met my friend, Michele?"
"Sure nuff, heard ya'll was more than friends."
"Yeah, well..." 
"Hi, we haven't met. I'm Michele."
"Um-hmm. You ain't kin."
"No ma'am. I'm a friend of 3N's."
"Friend, huh? Is that what youngsters call it these days?"
And then the unfortunate incident at breakfast last week when we ran into a nosy interfering woman I used to work with.
"Hey girl, how have you been?"
"Hey Ann, I'm great. And you?"
She sits uninvited and begins to eye up 3N like he is a platter of bacon at the breakfast buffet. "Who's the eye candy?"
He shoots me a look. I jump in. "This is 3N. 3N, Ann."
"Hey 3N, do you date white girls?"
He points at me. "I date her."
"Really. Wow. You're not her usual type. She didn't give you a title so I just assumed."
Me irritated, "Good seeing you Ann.."
"I can sit for awhile and chat."
I feign regret, "We're expecting other people. Maybe some other time?"
"You two don't be strangers!"
Let the record reflect here that 3N rarely gets angry or loses his temper. He tends to get a moment of irritation and then he's over it. But when he does wind up to full angry - it's something to behold. First he goes silent and the face goes stony. A vein on his left temple visibly pulses. He'll try to talk, think about what he was going to say and then go silent. This goes on for a while with muttering under the breath, pacing and tapping whatever is in his hand against a solid surface repeatedly. Finally when he has his thoughts together he'll make a definitive opening salvo, "I am not eye candy, dammit!"

I beg to differ but I know arguing that point which is not his main point would just be irksome to him. "Of course not."
"I need a title!"
"I beg pardon?"
"I'm not your friend."
"Don't start. You know what I mean."
"Well what do you want your title to be?"
"Do you want to have that discussion right now?"
"Never mind. How about boo thang?"
"Sure if I can start referring to you as my baby boo."
"You could be Big Daddy."
"You could be Hot Mama."
"Okay, I'll work on it."
"Please do."
BougieLand... what do you call the person who is too old to be your boy/girl-friend but not your betrothed or your spouse? Who has suggestions? Anyone? Anyone?

Tuesday, September 13, 2011

Blogger's Block... really?

I have about 20 half-written posts saved in Blogger and about 45 post ideas scribbled in my idea book. And yet, as I sit in front of the computer to compose one measly post for this week... Nada. Null. Nothing. How irritating is that? I have all this stuff in my head but it's not translating into anything usable. Color me tart. 

So while I marinate on all the nothingness... anyone got a guest post? An Ask a Bougie Chick question you've been holding on to? Is there a Bougie Bachelor or Bachelorette with a tale to tell? I'm on gmail as OneChele - hit me up. In the meantime, what do we know about writer's block? What's the cure? And how fast does it work?

Sunday, September 11, 2011

BnB Game Day Recipe Swap

Football Season is upon us and even if there are those among us who don't follow the sport, there's more to game day than the game. It's an awesome time to hang out, eat, meet new people, eat, sip adult beverage, and did I mention eat? So, if we were having a BougieLand NFL Kickoff Potluck... what would you bring and what's the recipe? If you can't/don't/won't cook, how about a beverage recipe? 

I have a million faves, but today I'll share my teriyaki baby back rib recipe.
Here's what you need:
2 slabs of baby back ribs
Mesquite seasoning (My favorite is Weber Smoky Mesquite)
4 heaping tbsp fresh crushed garlic
Seasoned Pepper
Garlic Salt
2 bottles of Teriyaki Marinade (I'm partial to Kikkoman or KC Masterpiece)
4 tbsp of molasses
2 tablespoons extra virgin olive oil
1 can of chicken broth
Your choice - either 1 bottle of sweet sparkling wine or 4 bottles of dark beer. If you want the ribs to have a little fruity twang, go with the wine. If you want the ribs to be a little woodsy, go with the beer.

Slice the slabs in half. Stab the meat repeatedly with a fork, front and back. Rub meat with olive oil and seasonings. Place in deep airtight container. Pour beer/wine, teriyaki sauce, molasses over the top. Meat should be completely submerged in liquid. If not, add chicken broth. Before sealing, add garlic to the marinade. Ribs should marinade overnight or eight hours. Grill evenly on both sides until thoroughly cooked.

These ribs have no need of sauce but... here's my BBQ sauce recipe:
1 bottle KC Masterpiece Hickory Brown Sugar Sauce
1 bottle KC Masterpiece Mesquite Sauce
1 8 oz. bottle medium garlic salsa
1/4 cup of honey
Southwest Chipotle Seasoning (4 generous shakes)

Blend all ingredients in a large saucepan. Heat but don't boil. I sometimes add fresh chopped tomato, garlic and onion if the sauce seems to be missing a little something. In other words, season to taste. Glaze the ribs and enjoy!

Whatcha got, BougieLand? Do share...

Friday, September 09, 2011

I'm going going back back...

To Cali. 3N surprised me. We're heading to San Diego for Amy and Rob's wedding and then popping up to Napa for a sip or two. I'll be back Sunday. Ya'll stay out of trouble. But if you don't, you can always blog about it here. For our entertainment. Because I care about you like that. 

Tomorrow, I will be launching the first Bougie Recipe Challenge so make sure you swing around to check that out. See ya!

Talk amongst yourselves.

Thursday, September 08, 2011

What would you do? The communication dilemma

A few questions for you from the readership. You answer and then we'll take a deep dive into it tomorrow. The scenarios:

Case One:
It's date number five. Guy and girl are having a great night out. Drinking happens. Loose lips happen. The girl ends up oversharing and tells guy something she would never share under sober circumstances. The next morning she doesn't remember saying it. He is a little freaked out and wonders - do I tell her that I know this? And then what do I do with it? What would you do?

Case Two:
Guy and girl have been going out for a few months. Girl tells guy she's not getting enough from him communication wise. She says he tells her more in texts and email than he does face to face. She also says she wants to hear from him more often. He talks to her at least once a day, they go out at least once a week. He wonders how much more is enough. She's frustrated, he's frustrated? What would you do?

BougieLand, what would you do and what would you tell them to do? Or are they the same thing? Please discuss, the floor is yours.

Wednesday, September 07, 2011

The Bougie Bridegroom Chronicles: Lessons Learned

A different perspective for you today. Rob, who met Amy here in BougieLand, will be flying to San Diego tomorrow in preparation for his wedding on Saturday. He has a few thoughts he'd like to share:

Hi, my name is Rob and I'm getting married this weekend. Less than five days from now, I'll be Mr. Bleek. Yes, I know I'm Mr. Bleek now but I'll be the Mr. as in Mr. and Mrs. *gulps air rapidly*

Here's what I've learned since proposing:

1. Marriage doesn't scare me but all the wedding shiggity planning in advance has freaked me out. I can honestly say that I don't care if the flowers are white or ivory. I don't care if Amy wears her hair up or down. I can dance to Johnny Cash and Johnny Gill, whoever. But it seems to be important to Amy, so I weigh in. Yes, I want my middle name on the invitation. Yes, I can find four groomsmen. Yes, teal is a beautiful color. No, I didn't know it wasn't the same as turquoise or ocean... but I do now. My lesson - if it's important to her, it's important to me - like it or not.

2. Guys that I thought were my friends have pulled me aside to question my sanity. "Rob, are you sure about this?" "Rob, my dude, marriage - really?" "Rob, what do you really know about her?" Very quickly, I was able to figure out which friends were trying to be helpful, which ones were hating, and which ones were bitter. It was illuminating. My lesson - there's got to be an easier way to learn who your friends are.

3. With the exception of the excessive extensive marriage counseling that we attended, we had very little time to actual think about the future. My lesson - thank God Amy and I had fleshed out who we were and what we wanted from each other before the circus started, otherwise we would be two strangers walking towards each other on Saturday.

4. Family means well but at some point the wedding becomes more about them then about us. Lesson learned - nothing wrong with eloping. 

5. Pre-Wedding TapBack is no joke. After the invitations went out and the Facebook statuses were changed, Amy and I have heard from people we hadn't given a thought to in years. I kid you not - my ex-girlfriend from the seventh grade reached out. Ma'am? Really? Lesson learned - Chele was right, beware the tapback.

6. Old(er) married people are your friends. Single people who have never been engaged, close to engaged or maintained a relationship longer than a weekend are useless to the bewildered and the betrothed. (And yet they feel compelled to offer up advice) I quickly learned to listen to the LMs (Long Marrieds).Best advice - You're never ready, but at least be prepared.

In conclusion, I'm over the engagement and the wedding - I'm ready to be married. Thanks BougieLand for letting me vent.

Bougienistas - any thoughts on Rob's thoughts? Any good wishes to send the future Mr. & Mrs Bleek? Do you think people plan more for the wedding than the marriage? The floor is yours...

Tuesday, September 06, 2011

Should political differences be a deal breaker?

I was chilling at a party at JohnK's new house this weekend. I'm going to let him guest post about the shenanigans that went on there (to a point) and concentrate on one potential hook up that went wrong.

I sat and watched a guy and a girl playing the game for a few hours. It was like watching a romantic comedy. She walked in, he did a double take, she saw him looking and did the hair flip. They circled the bar and the TV room once before sitting down next to each other. The giggling, the joke-telling, the "OMG, I love pizza and pop music too!" conversation... priceless to watch.

The pheromones were flying around these two. Someone started taking bets as to how long it would be until they left the party together. It was all good times until someone brought up gas prices. Which lead to a discussion on the economy... which lead to a discussion about Obama. Ruh-roh. Turns out dude worked on Obama's campaign and girlie voted for McCain. And wants Michelle Bachmann to win in 2012. During a lull in conversation she announced that "Bachmann/Perry would be a great ticket."

**crickets** Bless her heart. To each his own, I guess? 

But dude looked at her like she suddenly grew horns and swore allegiance to Lucifer. (Then again Rick Perry is the devil... never mind) He jumped up, mumbled something about going to the kitchen and never returned. Girlie was devastated. "So I'm a Republican, is that so bad?" She asked the room at large. I didn't say anything. I don't know why political affiliations were exchanged before phone numbers but maybe that's me.

I was in the unfortunate situation of trying to date an Obama hater. It wasn't so much that dude hated Obama, it was that he was intolerant of any view dissimilar to his own. Life is too short for that level of intolerance. So for me, the extreme right wingism wasn't the only reason to cut him loose it was the last straw on a tall pile.

BougieLand, I ask you - could you date someone who didn't share your political affiliations/beliefs? Who radically opposed them? Is that something you can overlook for the good of the relationship? A guy once told me he couldn't date a woman who didn't vote - what do you think about that? Should politics be on your relationship deal breaker list? The floor is yours.

Friday, September 02, 2011

The Last Official BBQ Holiday...

And just like that, we've arrived at the waning days of summer. I, for one, could seriously use just a wee bit of a cold front right about now. 

This weekend, I'll be catching up some writing, knocking out some housework and deliberately staying out of the malls. 3N's fam is having a family reunion this weekend so I'll visit with them a little bit. Already enjoyed meeting some of the cousins. one of them greeted me by saying "well, you don't look like a gold digging ho" - uh, thanks? This should be good times. 

What's everybody doing for the holiday? Is anyone travelling? And what are we looking forward to this fall? Do share...

Thursday, September 01, 2011

Someone get these kids...

I was standing in line at the Braum's trying to get my yogurt mix on when a swarm of teenagers came in. If central casting is look for a crew for a smashed-up remake of Mean Girls and Clueless, I know exactly where to find them. 

I drifted to the side to wait for my order to be called when two other girls, clearly not part of the "in crowd" came in. As they were deciding what to order, it was obvious that they were hungry but struggling to calculate how much they could afford to buy. One of the mean crew saw and said in a loud voice, "It must suck to be poor."

Her clone-like friend piped in, "Yes, have you noticed how hood it's gotten in here all of sudden?"

To which I felt compelled to reply, "Sweetie, if you ever came across hood, you would keep your mouth shut and run the other way." Then I handed the struggling chicks a ten and told them to get whatever they wanted. When they smiled at me, I had to tell the truth, "Chances are you two will be their bosses someday. All you have to do is get out of high school."

Everybody over 25 was laughing and nodding, the young uns looked confused as hell. Oh well, they'll live and learn. Back in my high school days, I wasn't mean. I was sheltered and completely ignorant. When I switched to public school in tenth grade (after all those years in an all girls private school), I thought I'd landed on an alien planet. The biggest scandal I ever caused was when me and my two friend developed a scale ranking the athletes in order of cuteness. Of course it fell into the wrong hands and years later, I'm on Facebook still apologizing for ranking Leroy 8.5 and Roderick 6.8. I thought Leroy was more kissable. Not that my father let anybody's lips near mine. Anyway...

Am I mistaken or are these kids a whole lot meaner than we used to be back in the day? Which clique were you in back in high school? Fess up...


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