Monday, January 31, 2011

Is it wrong to only date black (or white) women?

Happy Monday, y'all! Dr. Jayme and I have been (in all our spare time) conducting some feedback sessions with people that write in with questions to BougieLand. Not counseling just discussions where we figure out where their head was when they sent in the question. Today's three gents chatted with us for about an hour before things got heated. I decided to bring the discussion to BnB. I already know some people are going to act a pure "D" fool over this topic. But let's get the stories. 

Case 1) Wil, our resident resident in Phoenix has been besieged on his Facebook page by friendship requests from ladies of the Caucasian persuasion. Though Dr. Martin is biracial, he has a strong preference for the Nubian Queens. A particularly persistent girl asked him why he wouldn't return her emails and he said he was really only interested in dating black women. She called him a racist. 

Case 2) Jake, our resident sister-loving white guy in Tampa catches wreck on the regular from friends, family and people who don't know him. He has only dated black girls since the age of 14. (He's 29 now) He actually gets irritated when he is asked why he dates black women. His response is always the same "I just like what I like."

Case 3) Gerald K, a professional brother 32 years of age living in Atlanta who has stated emphatically (on this blog even) that sisters are simply "not worth the trouble" and only dates white women. Not Asian or Latina or any other flavor. He calls it "a lifestyle preference." But did say that if there was a sister who acted "less black" he would give her a shot.

I'll admit that on a personal level (I am a Black woman after all), Gerald irritated me. He argued that it wasn't a knock against black women, he just chooses not to "be bothered" with us anymore. He wanted to know what the difference was between him, Wil and Jake. [This is when the conversation got heated.] 

I may or may not have told Gerald that he wasn't going to be missed by any of the sisters. Gerald said Jake only dated black women because they were "low-hanging fruit." Jake may have called him an unrepeatable name. Jayme had to tell all of us to play nice. Wil said his issue with Gerald was that he assumed that all Black women were the same due to packaging (skin color). Wil said he simply preferred to have a cultural commonality with a woman he was in a relationship with. Jake, on the other hand, had grown up around black girls and that's really all he ever knew and felt comfortable with until college. And by then, (as he said) he was hooked.

But when Jayme asked them to describe the characteristics of their perfect woman (without race and appearance) and then asked them what would happen if they found that perfect woman in a different flavored (or sized) package, the whole conversation was stymied. This had not occurred to them.

So is it racist to only consider one particular race in your dating pool? What's the difference between a preference and prejudice? Who's right? Who's wrong? Who's rolling with Wil, Jake or Gerald? And what would you do if your perfect mate came in an unexpected package? Play nice in the comments, the floor is yours...

Sunday, January 30, 2011

This week on BnB: Is it wrong to (fill in the blank)?

It has long been my philosophy that if you start a question with "Is it wrong to..." chances are good 1) yes, it's wrong or 2) it may not be wrong but you think it is and you're asking for validation. HOWEVER. I've received some really interesting "Is it wrong?" questions that are discussion worthy. So this week, bring your open minds and flowing commentary while we get into it. By the way, is it wrong that I'm cackling gleefully while typing up this week's posts? Stay tuned...

Saturday, January 29, 2011

If you have to sing this song, there's already a problem...

Here's a song from Kelly Price featuring Stokley from Mint Condition. The title is Not My Daddy. Um-hmm. Take a listen and tell me what you think.

  Not My Daddy - Kelly Price f/Stokley by OneChele

It's got a very R&B vibe to it and I knew at the first chorus it was "Minty" in flavor. Whatcha think?

Friday, January 28, 2011

Best Movie Ever....

There are so many excellent examples of cinema out there, it's hard to pick my all-time favorite. I tend to rotate. Today it's The Godfather. Or maybe The Shawshank Redemption.

Wow, those are kind of dark, huh? Don't worry - some happy go lucky, completely useless movies are in my top twenty rotation as well. Like... Sixteen Candles.

The New York Times has this list of the Best 1,000 Movies ever made. Check and see if yours is on there. But today is for you... what is your favorite movie ever and why? That one movie that no matter when it comes on, you have to stop and watch? I was going to ask what was the worst movie you ever watched but there are just so many, it didn't seem fair. So let's hear it - best of the best? Did you add any from 2010 to your list?

Thursday, January 27, 2011

My Life as Western...

The American Film Institute defines western films as those "set in the American West that embody the spirit, the struggle and the demise of the new frontier."

I like a good western. (Although I'm sooo not a John Wayne fan) It's very black and white. There are good guys and bad guys and the good guys win in the end. There are strong guys and floozy chicks and always some waify girl dying to be saved by the love of a good man. I sat in on a lecture at UCLA once where the professor said that modern cop movies are really just old school westerns with better technology and transportation.

I think I would have been a little more "Annie Get Your Gun" than saloon wench.  Without further ado, my favorite western flicks:

1. Silverado - If you haven't seen this, you have to. It's early Kevin Costner, early Kevin Kline, early Danny Glover. Great performances from two of my favorite character actors Scott Glenn and Brian Dennehy. In case that wasn't enough Linda Hunt, Jeff Goldbloom and Lynn Whitfield round out the cast. Four guys really trying to mind their own business but are too nice for their own good get caught in the middle of a territory war and land grab. Battles commence. It's just well written, filmed beautifully and acted to perfection. Four My favorite line comes from Danny Glover, "That ain't right... and I'm tired of what ain't right." I probably say that about three times a week.

2. Tombstone - All right, y'all can beat me up for this one but I love this movie. Wyatt Earp, his brothers and his good friend Doc Holliday are minding their own business in a dusty Kansas town when a lawless band of ruffians make trouble for good innocent folk. They can't have that... Battles (including the infamous one at the O.K. Corral) commence. Kurt Russell and Dana Delaney star but the movie is postively stolen by Val Kilmer as the sickly drunk but talented Doc. My favorite line, "I'll be your huckleberry. That's just my game."

3. Blazing Saddles - Okay it's a comedy but it's a western comedy so I had to put it on my list. Gene Wilder and Cleavon Little with Harvey Korman and Mel Brooks in a comedy that is both over the top slapstick and tongue-in-cheek humor. Mel Brooks takes a satirical look at racial stereotypes in Hollywood (and elsewhere). Let's see greedy mayor wants to land grab and decides to tick off a town of good God-fearing folks by appointed a black railroad worker as Sheriff. Hilarity commences. My favorite line, "Where the white women at?" 

4. Since Blazing Saddles is kinda whiffy, I have to tack on two Clint Eastwoods - Unforgiven and a classic - The Good, the Bad & The Ugly. Just add them to your "to watch" list if you haven't seen them.

I cannot be the only person with a few westerns in the DVD collection. Anybody, anybody? My dear departed Aunt Violet used to watch all those old school western re-runs on Saturday mornings - The Rifleman, The Virginian, Gunsmoke. Bless her heart. Anyway - Who's seen True Grit? Whatcha got today?

Wednesday, January 26, 2011

My life as Superhero

Who doesn't love a good SuperHero? My alter ego, Bougenifica shoots fire from her fingertips (working the keyboard metaphor), that gun is a price gun and her superpower is hustle. Of course since she's a Black female, she has a cloak of invisibility that appears at random and no sidekick. [pausing to let that social commentary sink in] She does own a kick-ass purple convertible that converts into a plane and a speed boat as needed. Her secret hideaway is cut into cliffs of a island in the South Pacific. She fights the crime of idiocy and her work is never (ever) done. 

Okay, I like comics. Not in a collector, know the value of DC/Marvel books at a glance kinda way. More like, I dig the concept. An ordinary person, unassuming even who discovers that they are extraordinary and meant to do great things for the betterment of mankind. Very cool. 

So let's talk about those superhero movies. So many to chose from! I'm afraid I'm a bit of a purist on this one -

1) Superman (the first one - though I was one of the few people who liked Superman Returns). Supey (as I call him) has been a favorite of mine for a long time. Who wouldn't want a man who can leap tall buildings in a single bound? That could be right helpful. And okay sure, you have to suspend the disbelief that a pair of glasses and strategically placed hair gel are a sufficient disguise... but that part of the fun. Christopher Reeves and Margot Kidder. Who can hate on that?

2) Batman (the first one) - Michael Keaton as a really conflicted Bruce Wayne, Jack Nicholson as the Joker and Kim Basinger in her prime as Vicky Vale. Loved. It. Batman was a bit of a wise-ass with serious survivor's guilt but I thought Keaton did a great job with it. Plus Prince provided the soundtrack. The scene with Jack Nicholson jigging through the gritty streets of Metropolis with Prince playing in the background is golden. I might dust that off and look at that this weekend.

3) Spiderman (the first one) - Tobey Maguire before he believed his press clippings, Willem Dafoe completely wackadoodle and Kirsten Dunst as a slightly ditzy Mary-Jane. I loved how they showed him evolving from nerd with a spider bite to SuperHero with a conscience (and a serious crush). It was over-the-top, campy and 120 minutes worth of a good time.

Who you with, BougieLand? Fantastic Four? Hulk? Iron Man? Watchmen? X-men? When is Wonder Woman going to get some big screen love? If you were a superhero - what would your superpower be?

Tuesday, January 25, 2011

My life is far more "Matrix" than "Close Encounters"

Science Fiction films are usually scientific, visionary, comic-strip-like, and imaginative, and usually visualized through fanciful, imaginative settings, expert film production design, advanced technology gadgets (i.e., robots and spaceships), scientific developments, or by fantastic special effects. Sci-fi films are complete with heroes, distant planets, impossible quests, improbable settings, fantastic places, great dark and shadowy villains, futuristic technology and gizmos, and unknown and inexplicable forces. Many other SF films feature time travels or fantastic journeys, and are set either on Earth, into outer space, or (most often) into the future time.

Impossible quests, shadowy villains and inexplicable forces? Sounds like if you launched half my BougieTales into outerspace - we'd have a kick-ass sci-fi movie. Okay, yesterday's genre seemed to confuse folks. We'll be more straight-forward today...

If my life was a sci-fi movie? I don't know. I'd need to get me some of those Star Trek Uhura fits:
But Captain Kirk was too much of a playa for me. That man slobbed up pink, purple and blue chicks, human/not human. No discretion whatsoever. I often wake up and wonder if I'm in The Matrix. (Two days in a row for Keanu? I seriously didn't realize I was that much of a fan)

It was tough coming up with only three sci-fi movies to worship out of the hundreds but here's my list:

1) The Matrix - Seriously, haven't we all wondered if we're just part of a larger machine? Isn't there a Morpheus quote for everything? "Don't think you are, know you are."

2) Avatar - I personally think my avatar leads a much more exciting life than I do so I totally feel this movie. 

3) Star Wars (the original three) - Come on... a chick with a complicated hairdo and a Princess complex, the good (confused) guy, a roguish dude you're never sure of and an epic struggle of good vs. evil? Sounds like last weekend.

Who loves a good sci-fi? What's your all time favorite? For the Trekkies out there, how did you feel about the remake? And for the Stars Wars faithful, feel free to explain the last three to me. Are we considering Lord of the Rings sci-fi? Do share...

Today's the day...

Sweet Little Lies is in stores and online today! Go here to read about it. And here to scoop it up. Woo-hoo It's a little crazy. I'm officially a published author with multiple titles. Cray-zee! At any rate, first tour stop will be Charlotte in March. But prior to that, I'm going to resurrect the Black 'n Bougie Radio Network and do some live chats at various blogs including over at Reads4Pleasure's spot. Stay tuned. And go shopping!

Monday, January 24, 2011

If my life was a chick flick...

As defined by AMC Filmsite: In general, 'chick flicks' - as they are known collequially (although in earlier times, they were called 'women's pictures' with melodramatic themes), appeal more to the stereotypical interests of women than men. They are often romantic comedies, tearjerkers with female characters, Cinderella-like 'fairy tales' about finding love, or tales of feminine bonding (with lots of talky dialogue).

I'll admit to a weakness for some chick flicks. Yes, I must use the qualifer "some". Some of those joints are terrible. Just smaltzy, over the top, uber-Emo junk that someone decided would appeal to women. Did anyone else suffer through The Proposal or Going the Distance last year? Thankfully I did not spend money to see those. Caught one on cable and the other at my hairdresser's (she is queen of the bootleg). Am I the only one who has boycotted anything with Katherine Heigl (former Izzy from Grey's Anatomy)?

I also tend to lump rom-coms in with chick flicks. Though even I get that Sleepless in Seattle has far broader appeal than Sisterhood of the Travelling Pants. But anyway, let's get on with my confession. 

Hi, my name is Michele and I boo-hoo like a child every time The Notebook comes on. I love that sappy movie.  There's one silly scene where Allie decides she must have been a bird in another lifetime. She asks Noah if he'll be a bird too. He looks at her and says, "If you're a bird, I'm a bird." I'm sorry fellas, I hear you retching and running to turn on SpikeTV right now... but that's good stuff.

Thelma & Louise I liked but it irritates that their only exit strategy was driving off a cliff. And that they would have had a clean getaway were it not for Thelma's thirst for a dude in tight jeans. [The feminist in me HATES the idea of women being felled by blue-eyed booty. Arrgh!] Anyway...

I must shamefully confess that though no one else seemed to like it, I loved The Lake House. Sure you had to completely suspend disbelief and disregard laws of nature but that just made it whimsical. I know, I know - I can hear y'all - Keanu? Really? I liked him in this movie. Apologies.

I am also a huge fan of old "Glam Hollywood" romantic comedies. The Cary Grant, Rock Hudson, Doris Day, James Garner, Marilyn Monroe light-hearted stuff? I confess, I know them all well. Between those and the steady stream of Harlequin romances I used to read, it's no wonder I still believe in the Happily Ever After of it all.

But if my life was a chick flick, which one would it be? Some mix between Love Jones, Hav Plenty and Just Wright. "Love Plenty Wright"? No, sounds X-rated. "Just Hav Love" - Yes! Give me Anika Noni Rose to play me (no comments, I'm casting here). If he's not too busy, Idris to play my romantic interest. Daniel Sunjata as my other love interest. (gotta create conflict you know) Cast Delroy Lindo as my Dad, Regina King as my best friend. Base it in San Francisco. Give me a soundtrack by Mint Condition. I'll do the screenplay myself and I'll see y'all at The Oscars. That's golden!

Seriously, fess up- what's your favorite chick flick? Guys, don't try to act like you haven't seen (at least smiled)  at one or two. Need inspiration? Here was O Magazine's Top 50 Chick Flick list. I didn't agree with 80% of the list... but that's just me. If you were casting yourself - who gets to play you?The floor is yours...


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