Wednesday, December 14, 2011

Bougie Bachorette Chronicles - That #$%! bracelet


Who recalls the story of The Bracelet? Long story short, after the breakup with Dude Formerly Known as New (DFKN), he revealed that he had purchased a bracelet for me which his ex- and now current wife found. He offered to send it to me, I declined and he gave it to her with some elaborate tale of bullshiggity about how it was mean for her all along. When last I spoke with her (at a Whole Foods), she took great delight in waving that black diamond bracelet in my face.

All caught up? Okay... so now - what am I to think when I go to my p.o. box, pick up my packages and open one with DFKN's return name address on it. Monsieur Le Ninja was with me and already irritated (whole other post) so when I opened it and the infamous bracelet was inside? Let's just say... it wasn't a good moment. 

Along with the bracelet was a handwritten letter. Several pages in length. 

So what to do? Especially with Le Ninja standing on my shoulder sending me laser beam side-eye. Hmmm. Read the letter? Keep the bracelet? Send it back, burn the letter? A combination? 

Curiosity got the better of me. I opened the letter and read the first line, "You've probably guessed from seeing the bracelet that my marriage fell apart. I know you're not surprised but I really wanted to give it another shot and make it work this time. You were right all along and I should've played this whole situation differently..." That was enough for me. I ditched the letter, stuffed the bracelet back in the box and stepped up to the counter to ship it back. 

The whole time, the heat from Le Ninja's glare was singeing me from the left. When we got back to the car he asked, "So if I wasn't standing there, what would you have done?" With an eyeroll I answered, "The exact same thing."

Who is surprised that DFKN is getting divorced? What's it going to take to kill that bracelet (and all it stands for) dead for once and for all? Holiday TapBack, anyone? Comments, thoughts, insights?

146 comments:

GammasWorld said...

Not surprised in the least that DFKN's marriage fell apart.  Not in the least.  Not surprised he wanted you to know but seriously lame ass attempt at Holiday Tapback ... you done gave that heffa "my" bracelet and you gon have the audacity to send it to me after she done .... okay that's not the point.  You returned it and that's all that really needs to be said.  

Monsieur Le Ninja, whatever y'all previous beef was don't put this shiggity on top of it.  You know your woman and you know she would have returned that damn bracelet and ditched that letter.   With props to Chele's constraint though I would have read the entire letter if for no other reason a series of blog posts.  Anywho the fact that Chele returned the bracelet and ditched the letter squashes this.   

Shay said...

I. Am. Not. Surprised. Not. One. Damn. Bit.

Mina B. said...

DFKN needs to have a backseat. He is twice divorced from the same woman and he's still doing it wrong.

Jennifer said...

Um no.... I am not surprised that the marriage didn't make it...

I am surprised DFKN had the cojones to send you the bracelet and letter, especially since he knows from prior experience it would become blog fodder.  But I guess he couldn't really make a black diamond bracelet work with his own ensemble so... :)  (I'm also surprised SEW didn't take it with her!) 

To make it go away?  Well I think it's gone from *your* life now, excellent choice to just return to sender and save your brain power for more important things.  For DFKN, there is always EBay!

JoycelynC said...

Not surprised at all that that sham of a marriage fell apart.  It made a total mockery of the institution of marriage.  Not even surprised that he had the gall to try and re-give the bracelet after letting that harlot wear it.  He is truly an idiot and may God have mercy on his ignorant soul.  You are better than me though as I would have had to read the entire letter  though I agree it was not a good idea to keep the bracelet.  What amazes me most of all is her really thought you would be sitting idly by waiting upon his inevitable return.  Boo

Bbmathata said...

Chele, you cannot leave us hanging like this! tell the rest of the story. what was in the rest of the letter?

Jubi The Great said...

I think the only person surprised that DFKN's marriage fell apart is DFKN.

I'm extremely surprised that he sent you the bracelet, he had to know that you're in a happy relationship. What's the point of sending the bracelet (even if you weren't in a relationship)? Is this "let's try again" gesture?

I'd love to know what caused his do-over marriage to breakdown once again. I bet that story is a doozy.

digal704 said...

If I knew the letter or package was from old dude I would have either chucked it in the trash or opened it and the rest of the mail later. Old dude is still confused. I would just mail it back and ask him not to contact me again. If I mean it I might throw in the promise of a restraining order.

TrulyPC said...

That is some holiday tapback with an extra layer of ick on it.  I don't know what is worse that he wrote a long letter professing his thoughts or sending you THAT bracelet as if it would ever be something that you would accept.  Did he really not know you at all?  He is thirsty pathetic sad!

Soraya said...

DFKN: Putting the R in RMDBS, a condition which if left untreated can spread to be the brain, severely affecting the patient's ability to reason like an adult.

Unbelievable. So unbelievable in fact, it pushed me to de-lurk!

Lady4Real said...

Damn Chele, What do you be doin' to these bruthas? Good grief Charlie Brown, lmao. *sarcastic voice* DFKN is getting a divorced again from Le Ratchet Chick?, I could have never seen this coming, not even if I had a crystal ball, some tea leaves and a deck of tarot cards, OMG. LMAO. I don't know what could kill that bracelet, maybe a non-bougie moment of telling DFKN where he can go, how he can get there and take that damned bracelet with him. Poor Le Ninja, he has been having a hard time of it lately, I seen the tweets and the facebook, negroes just keep testing him and trying to get at the wonderfulness that is Chele. It's ok Le Ninja you got her, don't sweat the small stuff.

Lady4Real said...

welcome out of lurkdom, DFKN has brought a many out of lurkdom.

Lady4Real said...

my assumption is that she slipped and fell on another friend, or a grocery clerk, or gym member or anything with a penis.

Nicole said...

C'mon son! You had to know from all the happy-as-hell blog post by Contessa La Bouge about Le Ninja that she has soooo moved on ( because I know ya been stalking this blog since your rachet ass got divorced)! It makes you look pathetic to try to tapback to a woman who is so taken.  PLUS, sending her back THAT bracelet betrays a whole new level of  the no-broughtupsy and  lack of class that attracted your ex-wife to you to begin with!

Le Ninja, don't sweat it son.....you have the Contessa and more importantly you have the character and class needed to sustain a relationship with her.....Don't let territoriality get the better of you and throw shade on the sun that is your relationship.

MsJamie14 said...

You can't even feel sorry for dudes like that. I understand that some folks simply are not intuitive, but when you have red flags slapping you in the face...come on now, you get what you deserve.

Great... two more screwed up people back on the market. Le Boo.

bashowell said...

*tries to recover from snorting yogurt* Soon as I saw the title...  He took the tapback to a completely different level.  I'd kindly send that bracelet back in pieces.  I do know I would read that entire letter.  For comedic purposes, of course.

Miz JJ said...

I would sell/pawn that bracelet and donate the money to charity. It needs a new owner and something positive should come of all this drama.

MsJamie14 said...

And by the way, Billy Dee Ninja, I know this is your relationship and all, but you  have an obligation to BougieLand! Your relationship is solid so you could at least let her finish the contents of the letter to share before partaking in a ritualistic burn ceremony of it. LOL

On an another note, rereading that Whole Foods post? Best damn Bougie Tale of all time! I want to bronze that one. LOL

Penny said...

Wow!!!!  Ratchet to the umpteenth power!  But let's say DFKN had no knowledge of new relationship and happiness within that relationship-why would dude come at someone through the postal service?  Oh yeah, that says you're sorry and want the other party to take you back.    And with a recycled bracelet at that? 

The_A said...

Umm.... how do I say this....

I get the sense that the underlying issue isn't about DKFN. at. all! That's a post script of dead news & drama that was only good for entertaining Bougieland. We really really really love the stories but c'mon son!



Sounds like you are a bit irked at Le Ninja.

Perhaps the real issue, because of the nature of your personality & how much you reference it in this post, is all that hot breath on the back of your neck while you dealt with this surprise package of stupidity.

It sounds like you would've appreciated some space to respond. If you decided to read the letter for morbid curiosity's sake alone, so what! If you actually had some feelings to process about it, so be it. There was a whole lot going on in that moment for both of you. And although I completely appreciate LN's position, that was a no win situation the way he reacted.

Start reading the letter - why you mad? Send it back without reading it- You still mad, huh?! Oh what, now you don't trust me? You know you're not the boss of me, right?! Starts thinking something about no ring on my finger & it just gets uglier from there...

to loosely paraphrase my favorite African Proverb for Le Ninja:

Don't allow that outside drama to drop a hot turd of trust issues into your relationship.

thinklikeRiley said...

DFKN:
You're. Doing. It. Wrong.
You're welcome,
Riley

Jasmin said...

DFKN should ask for some dignity for Christmas.

JojoRaze said...

For real!  How many times does this man need to learn that water is wet and fat meat is greasy?

Think P. Smart said...

I offended on your behalf!  Who in the entire fug did he think he was?  He probably reads this blog.  He knows you've moved on!!!

SA said...

The marriage that was doomed before its inception fell apart? Gasp!! How absolutely shocking?!?! Oh my gosh, I would never have guessed......how long did it take to fall apart though? 2 weeks?

And let me get this right: He sent you a bracelet which was meant for you, given to his sorry-ass-excuse of a wife, and then decided to it back to you after the divorce? Err, really? I can't even begin to describe the ratchetery that this is.

Whooosah

Kitadiva2 said...

Oh well, I do not know any men who would like seeing that come thru the mail.  I honestly thought Le Ninja would have laughed it off.  I mean really son - a letter and a gift in time for the holidays? Lame and desperate.  Le Sigh.   Now, that I am finish with being sensitive about Le Ninja's reaction:

BWHAHAHAHAHHAAHAHHA (gasping for air, getting off the floor)

Dude is out of his mind!  Why would any woman who dealt with that crazy a** situation step back into anything with him when he watched ALL of that stupidness go down too and then still stepped back into and defended that ish?  Then he married Le Crazy?   Wait, wait... BWAHAHAHAHAHA.  You sent the bracelet back, that should be message enough.  If he tries again, send a pic with you and Le Ninja smiling and hugged up on it to him with a post it note on it  that says NOPE.  That should finish that.

blackprofessor said...

This pretty much sums it up!

GrownAzzMan said...

"Who is surprised that DFKN is getting divorced? What's it going to take to kill that bracelet (and all it stands for) dead for once and for all? Holiday TapBack, anyone?"

Not surprised at all. It took stones to send the bracelet though.I'll take tap-back for $1000.00 Alex...

blackprofessor said...

That is exactly what I was thinking!

Just_A_Thought1218 said...

*points at DFKN and bellows out laughter* bwhahahahaha!!! you stoopid!!!  *recomposes self to comment w/ the rest of Bougieland*

I am not surprised that dude tried to come back around wit' his sorry self. I'm not surprised that he recycled the bracelet. I'm not surprised that his marriage fell apart, because he and SEW both bathe, moisterize, and fragrance themselves in his and hers eau du ratchet bath sets.

As for me, just to keep peace in my house, I'd would have sent the cursed bracelet back.  While a part of me would have wanted to sell that joker and get some renumeration for all the shiggity that fool brought into my life, a much larger part would not have wanted any ties, no matter how distant, between me and that fool.

I don't know if I would have read the letter though.  The sheer fckery contained therein would have supplied many a giggle, but sometimes it's best to leave crap in the past.

Only1DivaC said...

I read this earlier this morning, walked away mad, and then came back still mad. So forgive me Chele and Lord Jesus for this diatribe.

No! Hayle no!! In fact hayle to the m-f naw!!! First of all, who sends a letter with a bracelet in the mail? Are we in high school again? Second, I need him to catch a clue or take a cue from Gene Marks, get thee on the internet, and understand that Chele has since moved on to a happy, healthy relationship. Finally, I need him to stop acting like he has female parts, grow some self-esteem, and man the f%^% up. Sorry sir you blew it last year when you chose a woman that puts Jezebel and Delilah to shame!! Use this as a lesson for your next relationship. No I'm not surprised that he is divorced. What I am surprised about is that it took a full year for him to catch a clue.

Anywho, I don't think this is the end of the story. If he didn't catch a clue that SEW was still all the way ratchet, than I have no faith that he will catch a clue about you not wanting his behind.

FYI, I'm with Mike on this one. What a difference a year makes, you are straight winning over there, ma'am.

maureen said...

I do not know  how  many of you remember Le Monsieur comment from the bracelet post?  “ Dude is whack.” Then slide few posts earlier and read his comment on “date post” when DFKN took Chele to a barbecue party. He is not fan, and why would he? His reaction this time around completes the cirlce. 
Everyone here at BnB land saw that marriage was not going  working but DFKN. SMH.
You declined that bracelet last time , what makes him think you would take it this time? I'm pretty sure he lurks around here and  he knows what's up- high level of selfshness. Maybe you can donate  that bracelet.

blackprofessor said...

DFKN has issues to the nth degree!  I feel you on not reading the letter!  Sometimes you don't even want to hear the foolishness!  Can you post his photo so if I ever happen to be in Dallas and he tries to holler, I will know to run like Forrest Gump?? Please and thanks!

maureen said...

"But let's say DFKN had no knowledge of new relationship and happiness within that relationship-why would dude come at someone through the postal service?" My.Exact.Sentiment.

Reecie said...

not surprised by the demise of the marriage either.

but I totally wouldve read the entire letter. Curiousity gets me that way. and I probably wouldve  wanted to keep the bracelet... to sell it. or not, seems like its a bad omen at this point! 

Grace said...

Maybe he thought he'd catch you slipping on the holidays??
I don't even know.
SMH

CorettaJG said...

Wow.  Just...wow.  I even had to emerge from my trial prep at work for this fiasco. 

I defnitely would have returned the bracelet.  It represents sentiment from a dead relationship, it's now TWICE regifted and he should have the opportunity to do with it as he will.

I also definitely would have read all of the letter despite the hot breath and side-eyeing from the man.  I mean, I would gladly pass along the pages to him in the interest of full disclosure, but both my curiosity and my hope that DFKN could get.himself.together would drive me to see what in the world he had to say to explain this mess and all out failure. 

ClayJones said...

Well thank you. I just spent an hour and a half playing catch up on your former relationship. He should be in the dictionary next to whackness. If getting the bracelet back doesn't cure him for once and for all, I don't know what else to do. BTW, appreciate your phrase: Recurring Male Disappearing Balls Syndrome (RMDBS). Stealing it.

Leon X said...

An Open Letter To Dude Formerly Known as New (DFKN),

Hey man. What's good? This is Leon X. Me? I'm doing OK. Coming to an end to this whole cancer thing and going into my last semester of classes. While I'm doing good, as a man of a certain age, I don't know what I was thinking about when I decided to go back to school.

Anyway, enough about me. I'm sure you check this site on the regular and you know that Michele blogs about almost everything that goes on in her life. I wanted to reserve my judgement regarding this latest post, but since you put yourself out there, I will assume the role of Judgey Judgemirez.

My dude, what were you thinking? 'Chele declined the bracelet from the break. You gave it to your wife on some lie ish. When your marriage broke apart (as it was bound to happen) you tried to give it to 'Chele again on some Champaign, "Try Again" steeze (Search for it on YouTube. Great song.)? That's not pimpin', Pimpin'. I haven't been in a relationship for years and I know that's not part of the game.

If I may make a suggestion now is not the time to jump back into a relationship especially with your track record. I've always said you are your friends. You have to stay away from so-called friends who are playing Mattress Hockey in your bed. Make a clean break and start anew. No woman in her right mind will want to be a part of your drama, sir. Give yourself the opportunity to know who DFKN is.

Anyway, I've said too much. I hate it when people write long comments and look at me. I feel like a hypocrite. I hope that you seriously take a look at the relationships in your life and do better. As for me I have to prepare for upcoming surgery. Wish me luck.

Your Fellow In Bro-dom,

Leon X

TrulyPC said...

I'm back after reading other responses and I see a few that have said they would have read the letter out of curiosity or for laughter.   Because I'm just thinking that both my curiosity and laughter were satisfied once the box was open and revealed the contents. 

A letter (for what, why would I care what you have to say) and THAT bracelet (with all kinds of bad karma attached) in that box makes him the fool that he feels that he is. I would have appreciated a lump of coal more.  DFKN please sequester yourself for life so that no other female dares to mistakenly see you as a viable option.

Vonne716 said...

"A hard head makes a soft behind" but sometimes people just have to learn on their own.  I have a feeling that this won't be the last of DFKN...

AGDM said...

I think DFKN needs to hit the gym and bench press it on out. Also, who puts jewelry in the mail?

GuessImJay said...

*mutters under breath* If someone had JUST let us kick this ninja's ass when we had the chance...

DCbywayofCali said...

No man in his right mind would date a woman who came back to him after all of what he pulled.  He might take her out and open a packet of cocoa, but damn sure wouldn't take her seriously.  Dude just wanted to see if he could pull a chick. Womp womp ninja.

Angela said...

I think DFKN needs to give his mama a call. I'm sure she could help clarify things for him.

Marioned said...

How tacky that he sent the original bracelet!  Say's a whole lot about him.  Next!................................

MsJamie14 said...

Dang it...who veto'd that? I mean, it could have knocked some sense into him. LOL

Leo the Yardie Chick said...

Dis ninja.....

Chele? You dodged a real mofugging bullet with that one. I'm as surprised about his marriage going south (again!) as I am about grass being green.

Bryan Anthony said...

I'm trying to understand why David didn't snatch the bracelet, sell it to the highest bidder and take all of us to Cabo for New Year's?! I'm thinking a ceremonial dousing of DFKN's letter with tequila at the beach bonfire. Anyone? Anyone?

I'll wait.

mojitochica said...

Who is surprised that DFKN is getting divorced? 
Not me! I am surprised it took this long. 

What's it going to take to kill that bracelet (and all it stands for) dead for once and for all?At this point a restraining order (cue Sgt. McHottie ;ob) or possibly an exorcism...Holiday TapBack, anyone? The worst tapback in the history of tapbacks. It's bad form to tapback without verifying availability or to tapback when you know one is unavailable. Comments, thoughts, insights?Personally I would have returned the box unopened. For one, once I've decided to banish you from my life YOU. ARE. DEAD. TO. ME.  For two I'm in "no fuckery allowed in my life at this time" mode. Le Ninja, please work on overcoming your insecurities. I'm sure this is not the last tapback to come from Mr. Drama King or anyone else. You need to trust that OneChele will handle it appropriately. 

Lady4Real said...

1st, good luck with your surgery and I wish you a healthy and speed recovery. 2nd, BRAVO, BRAVO, BRAVO, this letter is everything. Hopefully DFKN will take heed.

SingLikeSassy said...

What kinda tacky azz ninja sends a girl a bracelet he bought for her but gave to the woman who helped end the relationship? Why would you want that bracelet now?

THIS, aside from having a less than empty ballsack, is why DFKN stays losing.

rozb said...

My first comment is for David: Dude! Put your daggone hackles down and understand that if Chele did not have integrity, you would have known by now, so why give her the Gas Face? Not necessary - let a grown woman handle her business in a grown-woman fashion and put the ego away. You're welcome!

Next: DFKN needs a stadium full of seats so he may sit the hay-ull down. Then send him a video of you and David enjoying a spa getaway on the beach with some Coronas financed by the bracelet he so generously donated to your cause. What kind of crap-tastic, sorry-A ninja re-gifts something not once, but twice?!?! And then tries to draw you into his sorry excuse for a life? Besides, he prolly has random cooties and growths dealing with the Fantastic Heffa. Nasty-azz buster...oh, I am so through with his ratchedness.

*BTW - is that a picture of the bracelet? Cause er um I would have gladly taken it as a donation to my fabulosity fund and sent him a thank you note.* I mean, since he is just sending jewels in the mail all willy-nilly and ish...just sayin'.

SingLikeSassy said...

Andalsoplus, Chele, you are a better woman than me cause I am pretty sure I would have sold that bracelet and stacked paper.

SingLikeSassy said...

ONE LAST THING: Don't tell me no more about this dude right here.

Only1DivaC said...

Bwhahahaha!!! Um, I can totally see how you and Chele are related with this comment.

MidWestDominicana said...

Praying that you have a successful surgery with a great medical staff and speedy recovery. God bless you and yours and Merry Christmas!

Sol_dier said...

That dude has serious issues.
Not to talk of the complete inappropriateness of buying you a gift, giving it to his wife (now ex) then having the audacity to gift it back to you O_O.  Does this bracelet have any sentimental value to him beyond;

Women like shiny trinket
I buy shiny trinket 
I give woman shiny trinket
I want score.

Bet you this dude turns into one of those bitter dudes from hell...
Talking bout;  I have a degree, treat women right, women did me wrong, I forgave my cheating wife, she still did me wrong, blah bah blah.

P.S I pity the next woman this man snares... won't be surprised if he gets back together with his ex again.

What a douche wrapped in bougie. If I were you I'd be thankful his ex came on the scene to illuminate his poor decision making skills and utter douchery. 

TiffanyinHouston said...

Shitttttt, like I said in Twitter. If Derrick is stupid enough to resend a Yurman bracelet then I'm ignant enough to pawn it, buy me and my husband both iPads and that 62 inch flat screen and party with the rest!

Sol_dier said...

maybe he's been believing the nonsense being written about black women on a daily basis.
He must think expensive gift will take care of anything. 
Gosh this dude sucks rotten eggs

Sol_dier said...

naw. that would be an 'in' for him. 
The amount of trouble that accepting that bracelet can lead to is just not worth it. 

J B said...

I feel like this is my fault.  When I read your post about gifts for Xmas, I
started thinking about that bracelet.  And boom, there it is.  It's like
herpes.  It never goes away....

It's also the equivalent of that Hawaiian idol from that Brady Bunch
episode.  It needs to be sacrificed to some god, any god, and leave this world. 
Trip to an active volcano, anyone?
 

No one is surprised this marriage failed.  EVERYONE is surprised he sent that
bracelet.  That must have been one epic fight to make her throw that bracelet
back at him.

 

Le Ninja, I know that testosterone kicked in at the first hint of the threat
of a returning ex-boo.  I get it.  Thing is, you MUST know Chele by now.  She's
done with that mess.

 

But I really want to know what was in that letter.....wait, I can guess:
"baby baby baby please!"

J B said...

That bracelet has too much bad juju.  It should die. 

Sol_dier said...

restraining order? or some such legalese which enforces a 'Do Not Contact' thing.

Sol_dier said...

good luck Leon!
sage words

tishatweets said...

Bwahahahaha! <--------my first response

My second response is that of entire non-shock. Like, no surprise at all. Poor guy. Sucks to deal with the consequences of your piss poor decisions.

Sol_dier said...

Besides, he prolly has random cooties and growths dealing with the Fantastic Heffa.

Didn't he catch her in bed with his best friend last time around?. There is a triangle of 'dodgy' going on over there, one that will probably end in serious tragedy.

MidWestDominicana said...

I doubt that was  the nail in the coffin, though. Matter of fact, she probably dumped him once she got the very last little bit of his backbone out (he sounds like the type to snivel and snot-bubble).  Le Lame Dude Formerly Known As New....despicable. 

Angela said...

:...he and SEW both bathe, moisterize, and fragrance themselves in his and hers eau du ratchet bath sets." This!

Lady4Real said...

I just had an epiphany. Why do we expect DFKN to have a clue? He has never shown the ability to "get it" Chele would point out the obvious to him and he still would be lost, therefore his behaivor is in line with his M.O. Of course he thinks mailing a letter and a regifted bracelet to Chele was ok, he thought his best friend and ex-wife sexing in his house was forgiveable and warranted giving SEW a second chance. No matter what we say he just is not going to get a clue, the fella ain't right, he just ain't got it all, oh well.

Lady4Real said...

thank you

Leo the Yardie Chick said...

"Didn't he catch her in bed with his best friend last time around?" Yup, and married her right after. If I read about him in a novel, I'd swear the author was overreaching. Unfortunately, reality is often much stranger than fiction. As many have said worldwide, "You can't make this shiggity up!".

C Nelson said...

...

The only thing I can think of that could possibly explain this is that maybe he knocked her up before the divorce came through, and between the alimony and the child support he couldn't afford a new gift?

No? Oh well, I tried. I'll be over here trying not to catch flies.

The_A said...

I'm not condoning violence (ahem) but if he so much as sends a look in her direction by the authority invested in me by the Bougieland High Court of Ah'hellnawyoudidn't

Dionne, Stevie, Gladys & Elton all agree THAT's what  friends are for
*pushes up my lighter swaying back & forth*

The_A said...

Nooo not the brady bunch tiki idol!

That's it. I'm going back to work now...

ShawnSoze said...

I'm messy but er, uh - I want to read that letter. Just you know, for entertainment purposes?
Educational purposes... a Bougie WNTD (What Not to Do)? C'mon now...

ShawnSoze said...

I co-sign and heartily approve this comment.

rozb said...

Man - this and more!

You are an awesome survivor. You deserve a lifetime of blessings overflowing.

Leo the Yardie Chick said...

Well, considering that he got himself snipped before the second trip to hell...er..marriage, no knocking up went down.

Believe me, there is NO excuse or explanation for this rachetness.

rozb said...

It occurs to me that DFKN was trying to use the bracelet to leverage him some Tapback benefits! BWHAHAHAHHA!

Please allow me to use my new-found knowledge of business words and stuff to clarify. *Ahem*

Leverage - The use of various financial instruments (such as black diamond bracelets) or borrowed capital (such as perceived empathy 'cause your mama likes her) to increase the potential return of an investment (such as Wintertime Tapback Cocoa). YEAH! See what I did there?

However, DFKN, you fail. Please get off the stage now. kthnxbye!

rozb said...

DFKN, also known as Summer's Eve.

rozb said...

Wayminnit - did he take the bracelet from Skankzilla, or did she leave it behind?

So many questions...

CaliGirlED said...

"Great... two more screwed up people back on the market. Le Boo.".....If this ain't the coup de gras!!!

aisha oaktree1122 said...

NO body should be surprised, much like milk gone bad, we could smell the sourness coming from the (carton) marriage, just not the exact expiration date
he got some nerve, although i might have pawned the hell outta that bracelet and bought myself something new, yeah I'm one of those who don't believe in giving back the ring either....

aisha oaktree1122 said...

if by a certain age you haven't learned these lessons, we now have to give you a special pass, cause you need it

CaliGirlED said...

I agree about that photo, but you know what...His dumb ass would probably tell you on date #1 about his ex-wife, the one that got away and the personalized bracelet that he bought her. No worries!

aisha oaktree1122 said...

*crosses finger* I'm praying for you, good luck and speedy recovery!!

CaliGirlED said...

You know they shoot horses to put them out of their misery. *shrugs*

CaliGirlED said...

You are such a gem! Prayers going up tomorrow!!!

rozb said...

Now all he has is an empty sack...po' thang...

Suebhoney1125 said...

Okay, I was reading from my phone and had to jump up and pull my personal laptop out because the work computer  wont let me respond anymore.  Okay...(taking a breath)  We all knew that the second go-round was not going to work.  DFKN : "They are called EXES for a reason"  SEW didn't want him she just didn't want anyone else to have him, but anyway- Who in the Sam Hill does he think he is!  Does he not continue to read the blog? (I know he does) or maybe not, because doesn't he know we have moved on and up. He had his chance. I know he knows that we don't do the TAP BACK.  "If we don't learn from our mistakes were are doomed to repeat them"  and then to think that you wanted some damn re-re-gifted piece of jewelry?  Although in the beginning I like him, I know now that you dodge a bullet.  I would've taken that damn bracelet (and as much as I love bling) took a picture of me donating it to the next homeless person that I saw so that I would be out of  my life forever.  (Whoo-Saa)

blackprofessor said...

Bravo!! I wish you a speedy recovery, health, prosperity and happiness in 2012!!

blackprofessor said...

That is why I asked for a photo so I might not think he is viable when he is dead weight!

blackprofessor said...

Dead at empty ballsack, lol!!

CaliGirlED said...

Y'all know I really want to cuss, right? But I won't.

We already knew that DFKN was dumb as a box of rocks from the post about him getting back with SEW. So no, we're not surprised.

What I see is DFKN, being the dumb-ass that he is, trying to be slick. However, all he managed to do was highly insult a woman, who was minding her own business, in a pitiable attempt to get her back. No one is so STUPID, and I mean NO ONE, as to think that sending this recycled piece of sh*t was a good idea. DFKN, you need to stay in your lane, that would be the one over there------> marked, "Sit Your Ass Here", and stop trying to play the position of a crafty manipulator in this game called Life. You don't know what you're doing, please STOP IT NOW before someone gets hurt!

David my man, you know how I feel about you and Chele. Lemme just say this, we all get caught off guard here and there, so let's just chalk it up to "Monsieur Le Ninja was with me and already irritated", and call it a "My Bad" moment. No way in all of hot hell do you let this (I said I wasn't going to cuss) get your drawers all up in a knot. NO WAY!

Let us all exhale after this fuckery and foolishness...

Sol_dier said...

maybe his 'friend' knocked her up?? Okay i know thats 'soap opera-ish' but dude sounds like a soap opera in the making.

Moabmu said...

See, this ninja here . . .

Is what I call (in my Charlie Murphy voice) -  A Habitual Line Stepper.

Someone needs to kick and slap the s*%t out of him just like Charlie Murphy/Rick James in the Dave Chappelle skit. 'Bet that might knock some sense into his selectively unaware behind!

DFKN - I'ma need you to FALL.ALL.THE.WAY.BACK - like now and forever. Cease and desist the stupidity - get some pride, scruples, gumption, SOMETHING about yo'self. Take the bracelet, donate it to charity, AND begin sessions for a lifetime of therapy (EV-E-RY dang DAY) until you're well enough to be amongst folks with good sense. I'ma pray for you dude, for real. I KNOW your people taught you beter than this! Sheesh!

motown_skater said...

i have been waiting all day for your response b/c i knew it was gone be good, you did not disappoint.

you need to stay in your lane, that would be the one over there------> marked, "Sit Your Ass Here"  ...<<<<---lmao at this....

Suebhoney1125 said...

I'm starting to question whether he knew better or not.  Remember the Kentucky Fried Chicken wedding? (that was HIS family) and we gave him a pass for that, but Sgt McHottie knew the real deal LOL!!!   

Earthangel172 said...

Now that I have the FULL history about DFKN...Yes, I went all the way back...Good Lawd that was a H.A.M.  and a half!

I'm not surprised that it is over between them but I can't help but wonder why he thought that Chele would still be single. Was he not listening that night she schooled Vince about Leslie? IJS! ::shrugs::

Le Ninja, pls give Chele a pass this time and charge this one to the game. Now next time, that's DFKN's azz...

CaliGirlED said...

Thanks Skater!!! I know I said I wasn't going to curse, but I slipped in a couple of little harmless ones. It's a process I tell ya!

Moabmu said...

Yeah, but I bet both Big and Little Ray would whip DFKN's sorry buttocks if they knew that he was running around sending thrice recycled jewelry (first for Michele, then to Superhead - oops SEW, and then to Michele again - WTF) in the dang mail. You GOT to know that he received a 'talking to' for not only re-dating but remarrying 'ole girl . . . He knew better. Perhaps he was dropped on his head as a child, who knows?

Leo the Yardie Chick said...

Something just hit me: I hope this incident doesn't leave a sour taste in your mouth regarding David Yurman jewelry. >_< I'm on that site out of pure curiosity, and it would be a crying shame if it got an 'ICK!' out of you from now on.

Regifting a regifted gift? Especially as a Tap-back gift? WDDDA, yo?!

Earthangel172 said...

I think the Whole Foods post should win Post.Of.The.Year.  Cream-based eyeshadow, anyone? LMAO!

CaliGirlED said...

I'm not a cheerleader for violence *tucks away pom poms*, but some folks don't understand verbal communication. IJS

CaliGirlED said...

I was thinking somewhere along the lines of that was his family that had the "Usher Wedding"!

Michele said...

Ugh!  Why can't exes just stay in the past forever?  I cannot stand scenarios like this.  You did nothing to instigate the scene at the post office, yet now you are in a position to explain to your current man.  Boo! 

No surprise that DFKN and SEW have split.  Stevie Wonder saw that coming.  I am surprised at the size of his cajones for contacting you with that cursed bracelet.  Didn't he know about the run-in between you and SEW?  He is a complete and utter fool.

SassyJJ said...

Prayers and blessings of healing and a speedy recovery!  Happy Holidays!

keishabrown said...

Prayers and best wishes from the great white north. 

keishabrown said...

NOT Stevie Wonder. 
*falls out. 

Bougieland kills me. 

Suebhoney1125 said...

Yes that was the one, and the reception they had KFC.

CaliGirlED said...

May I point out that the bracelet in the photo above is NOT the bracelet in question. Said bracelet had charms reflecting Chele's likes and hobbies. But yes in-damn-deed I wouldn't mind having the one in the photo! As you were...

Sueboney1125 said...

I just know "D" ain't trippin.  he knows Chele don't roll like that.. He's been in Bougieland long enough to know the deal. But I understand the emo though so I'm giving him a pass on this one.  #don'tmakemecallJaymeonyou.

CaliGirlED said...

Was that this year??? Man that would have been my answer in the survey! 2011 is such a blur...

Andrea M said...

How he just...
Why would he...
Who does he think...
When did they...

You know what. Never mind. Boo, DFKN. Booooooo!

J B said...

And I STILL want to see the video.  Where's DFKN's cousin?  Can you hook us up?

J B said...

Delving back into the past (January 2011), I now understand why he sent the bracelet:
DFKN: "If I'd listened to you a few months ago and gotten rid of them, would you have stayed? Would we have worked out?"


Like I said... a doozy. I answered honestly, "I don't know. Maybe."


DFKN: "Do you want the bracelet?"


Drool formed on both sides of my
mouth. Of course I wanted the bracelet! But I went all zen with it,
"You were holding onto it for a reason. When you figure out what that
reason is, we'll talk about it. Happy New Year, D."

Then in March, we find out he's given it to SEW, who brags about it to Chele.  Now they're divorced, and he's got the bracelet back.  I'll bet all my Tiffany jewelry that he remembers the exchange with Chele from earlier in the year.  And I bet he gave his "reason" in his multiple-page letter.

mojitochica said...

Nah, no special pass. We just label you as special, and warn all women everywhere about you.

Jason P said...

Every.Single.Time. we talk about this cat, I'm compelled to say:
What part of the game is this???

OwenCinDallas said...

Chele - you have a phrase for just this kind of shiggity
"This is a For Who, For What situation."

JoycelynC said...

Well wishes for a wonderful recovery. 

Brenda Kay said...

Throwing my hands up in the air and saying "Really n****, really" at DFKN for the triple regifting of the bracelet.   

GammasWorld said...

Oh I thought Church's Chicken was served ...  I bring that up like it seriously makes a difference.  I crack myself up.  Carry on. 

SA said...

Prayers and all kinds of good wishes coming your way. Good luck with the surgery and speedy and complete healing!

Earthangel172 said...

Yes ma'am! March 25th to be exact.

Jazzy Jazz said...

Prayers coming for a quick healing. *Applauds*  this letter.

Jazzy Jazz said...

slipped and fell though ? 

tiffanyinhouston said...

Welp, I thought my comment posted from my phone but guess not. *sigh*

Shittttttttttttttttttttttt, if Derrick was stupid enough to re-gift TIH a David Yurman bracelet for the second time, I would be ignant enough to pawn it, buy me and the husband a couple of iPads, that 62 inch flat screen he wants for Christmas and then tear the mall up with the rest!!!!

Ninjas without gonads get what they deserve.

This goes out to DFKN: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_HN0GBRu10E

CaliGirlED said...

LMAO!!! Right! Insert any fast food place and the story is still hee-lar-ree-us!

Sol_dier said...

That's cold. (so why am I laughing hard!) 
#Bougieland - It kills with laughter :p

CaliGirlED said...

Even a dogg-azz ninja would have sense enough to trade in the bracelet for a new one and LIE and say that SEW still had the first one. And if said dogg would have sent the bracelet he would have known to include a short note saying something to the effect of, "Please give me a chance to explain."; "Can I have a few moments of your time to talk to you?"; "Call me if there is the slightest possibility of you hearing me out."; and not a damn multiple page letter containing his guts! (Not that any of it would have worked, but at least he would have had a 1/2 ounce of dignity left!)...However, a smart dogg-azz ninja would have sense enough to chalk Chele up as loss and find some other unsuspecting woman to draw into his drama-infested digusting life.

Fellas, please will someone show this imbecile the Playa's Handbook! One chapter at a time as not to put him through information overload! But with heavy focus on "Attempting to get her back after you have blown it!" and "Knowing when to hold up, fold up, walk away and run!"

OneChele said...

It was Popeye's y'all. :-/

Lady4Real said...

"Y'all know I really want to cuss,right? But I won't. What is that I hear, thunder and lightening? Yep, cuz Cali lied, this woman done cussed 5x, lol. Please tell me what cussin' is? I love you cyberplaycousin.

CaliGirlED said...

Bwahahaha!!!...See what I'm saying!

Ok lemmego on over and re re re-read the Usher Wedding and the Whole Foods posts.  Lawd I don't know if I can take both of these in one day!

GammasWorld said...

In my defense we don't have a Popeye's around year so it slipped my mind LOL 

Lady4Real said...

Too true

GrownAzzMan said...

He is already a gelding MEH

Lady4Real said...

yep, with the O_o face too.

CaliGirlED said...

Ok back from Whole Foods post....Bwahahaha!!!

"I would have paid TOP DOLLAR to hear the convo that followed when she
got home! His balls are so far up inside him they are actually his
nipples."...LOL!!! Where is Shay?

And where is cousin Nikki with updates to the Vegas wedding, ratchet marriage and hellish divorce stories?

CaliGirlED said...

You're a fool! LOL

CaliGirlED said...

LMAO!!! Ok so I didn't cuss like I wanted to! I'm tryin, but I haven't made it over yet! I can't stand you cyberplaycountrycousin! LOL

CaliGirlED said...

LOL!!! (You know I had to look that up right?)...I don't care what the subject is, BougieLand never ceases to teach!

invectiva said...

Okay, I'm late to the game here, but I have a couple things to say...

#1 is Wow. Just Wow. DFKN needs a clue-by-four applied upside the head. Not even a bit surprised that train-wreck marriage ended. Again.

#2 is that I would have read the letter, although not right at that moment. *cough* I applaud the return of the coveted bracelet, btw. Too much baggage with it.

#3 is to note that I also have gotten a ton of tapbacks, and while I remain friendly with all, I am DARN SICK of being someone's learning experience so that a man knows better *next time*. Forgive me if I overstep, here, but from the look of it, that's what you are, OneChele, to a lot of your exes. The One that taught them what good can be, The One that got away, The Gem among the costume jewelry. Then when the bad slaps them in the face after they've wasted their chance, they wake up for a hot minute and realize they've been stupid. However, having a brother realize the error of his ways after the damage has been done to your relationship, while perhaps grimly satisfying, does not return the relationship back to page one.

Evansaw said...

1. Not suprised at all. Some people never learn.
2. I had an ex who kept showing up, sending letters, etc. so  my new beau(now my husband of 18 years), met him to return all items relating to my old relationship with him (the ex), and that, as they say, was that.  That was also 1990.

Monica said...

"Fellas, please will someone show this imbecile the Playa's Handbook!" Because clearly he has never read it.
Lawd.

David Yurman said...

boooooogie

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