Tuesday, November 08, 2011

Five things NOT to do when running for President

It occurs to me just from the outside looking in that there are many things that should dissuade one from running for President. A lack of true commitment to public service, an unwillingness to open up every area of your life as an open book, a dearth of intelligence, criminal tendencies and the like. That's cool, not everybody is meant to be President. 

[strategic pause]

There should really be a few things that one ought to avoid doing if planning on leading our great nation. A Presidential What Not To Do, if you will. Here are five random things from the top of my head:

1. Make up a campy policy that when flipped upside down reads 666.
Does anyone even know what the 9-9-9 stand for? @CarolynEdgar suggested yesterday that it was 9 inches, 9 minutes, 9 women. But I thought that was too complementary.

2. Sing spirituals at a formal press conference.
Most of us that venture into professional life reach the understanding that there's a time and place for everything. You don't mix work hour activities with after hours activities. You don't mix professional and personal. You don't mix church and state... unless I guess you have a good singing voice and want to appear sympathetic when you're under siege. :-/ 

3. Mock the people that might have voted for yo' black azz you.
Nothing like telling an entire race of people (with the exception of Clarence Thomas and Michael Steele who we traded in the last racial draft anyway) that they are mindless idiots who can't think for themselves. Way to win friends and influence people.

4. Have sketchy financial statements.
Three things I don't play with: The I. The R. And the S.

5. Grab numerous white women's hindparts.
This is just poor thinking for married men. Married men in a position of power. Black married men in a position of power. Black married men in a position of power in the South. Black married men in a position of power in the South running for President. Nuff said.

What's that you say? A candidate did all these things and is still considered the forerunner? Oh. Uh. My bad. Carry on.

BougieLand, is this all one grand conspiracy to derail the Cain Train? Has no one told him that he's just the shill out front holding the GOP together until Perry or Romney figure out how to look the least bit Presidential? Did you believe Sharon Bialek? What are your thoughts on this entire hot mess?

44 comments:

maureen said...

#5 should be printed and passed out at the local  gov't level,  State, Federal, Congress and White House. Mary Mother I hope and pray Barack  stays clean. One more 'gin, if you put it  in  a word document best believe it  Wapo, NYT or LA times will have it print ( Word to Tony  Blair)

Ms. LTB said...

For some reason #5 went through my mind in a Katt Williams voice.  My brain is now happily laughing.  I'm sorry.  Work has already deteriorated my thought process to jelly and it's not even lunch time yet.

Bryan Anthony said...

Thank you! I needed this laugh today. So what you're saying is - if I want to run for President in 2020, I need to stop falsifying income and assaulting white women right now? HA!

Jesse said...

I'm going to lead my meeting this afternoon with a chorus of Swing Low Sweet Chariot, whaddaya think? #win?

DCbywayofCali said...

I'on think he currs, yes currs, about being a shill.  He's on a national book tour courtesy of campaign contributions. That's the equivalent of #gopwinning

BklynBajan said...

I'm partial to "O Lawd, pick a bale of cotton O Lawd pick a bale of hay" :)

(for the youngins go see Steve Martin's The Jerk)

MidWestDominicana said...

High five for "The Jerk" reference!

Micki said...

I'mma need a Presidential candidate to refrain from wearing "Cat Daddy" hats.   It is hard to take anyone seriously if they wear chapeaus that my dear daddy (r.i.p.) and his friends considered "shaaaaaaarp".  I can't do it.

Grace said...

He gives off a real "creepy Uncle Herman" vibe overall. That old dude in the club trying to buy young girls dranks. Yes dranks.

ClayJones said...

My question is - who vetted this dude? Who pulled his background check and said - yep, he's good to go?

thinklikeRiley said...

I wanted to give Herm the Worm a chance. Even when it was obvious that he was brought along to be the "I'm Black but I'm Not Uppity Like that Beige Dude Obama" candidate, I still tried. I quit. I can't.

Ivory Tabb said...

My problem  is how are we the public that naive that this man with all of his shenanigans, tricks, woman stepping out the closet, double speak and everything else is still putting him out in front in the latest polls?

And then every other day got folks got a problem with POTUS when the only thing he is trying to do is clean up things that were already in place before he got the job. 

Somebody please explain that one?

ShawnSoze said...

I'm dying to know exactly who they are polling. Not saying I know "everybody" but I don't know ANYbody who is backing this dude. Not one person.

Earthangel172 said...

::dead::

#dirtyoldman

Earthangel172 said...

Fist bump to numbers 2, 4 and especially number 5!!

BB Waite said...

I'll tell you what. If there are 4 accusers, that means there are four more who didn't come forward and others from his company who just want to keep their jobs and forget about it. He should be ashamed and so should his backers.

Sweet N Tart said...

He does have a pimpy-used-to-be-a-playa thing going on.

MeetCharlieL said...

So what you are saying is - you wouldn't let Herman take you home, fix you brownies and run you a bath?

*couldn't resist, yesterday's post still boggles, I'll let myself out*

NY2VA said...

How about this one.  

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u3MUp3yFbhU

NY2VA said...

Didn't you get the memo that "their Blacks" are better than "our Blacks"?

blackprofessor said...

Not Herm the Worm, dead!

blackprofessor said...

Million dollar question! I have never met ONE black person who has ever been polled!  

blackprofessor said...

Methinks there are probably 20 more accusers! Dominique Strauss-Khan had a harem of accusers but the IMF only knew about one allegedly!

blackprofessor said...

Dead at "9 inches, 9 minutes, 9 women"! If HC has 9 inches, I quit! 

There is something about him that looks inadequate! My impression of him from day one has been that he is trying really, really, really hard to overcompensate for some inadequacies because he is way too inconsistent.  I think Morehouse should rescind his degree, just saying.    

Just_A_Thought1218 said...

I believe the accusers. I find it appalling that the press is digging up all this background information on the accusers, but can't be arsed to do due diligence on any republican nominees. Except Bachman and (at one time) Palin. Guess even being a republican doesn't innoculate women from ... well, from being excluded from real power/progress. But let me not go fully off on this tangent, even tho sexism is one reason why this garbage nightmare of a candidate is still a front runner, and get back to Shucky Ducky Cornbread (O_o)

I believe Cain fully knows he is a shill.  The difference between him and Michael Steele is that Cain is punch drunk on the Koch Kool-Aid, and Steele just took enough sips of the house blend to keep his job.  Cain thought he'd play along with the plan of the evil netherlords AKA Mr. and Mr. Koch and come away as the face of the kingdom. Except old factions of ringwraiths are not trying to let this election go by without securing their interests, hence the timing of bringing up these allegations after the "joke" candidate started to pull ahead of the establishment candidates (romney, perry).

Trey Charles said...

I love how when the negative stories break from the left it's "lynching" "dirty politics" :smear campaign" but when it breaks from the right it's "God's honest truth" and "the people's right to be informed" - GTFOH

Earthangel172 said...

"I believe Cain fully knows he is a shill.  The difference between him
and Michael Steele is that Cain is punch drunk on the Koch Kool-Aid, and
Steele just took enough sips of the house blend to keep his job.  Cain
thought he'd play along with the plan of the evil netherlords AKA Mr.
and Mr. Koch and come away as the face of the kingdom. Except old
factions of ringwraiths are not trying to let this election go by
without securing their interests, hence the timing of bringing up these
allegations after the "joke" candidate started to pull ahead of the
establishment candidates (romney, perry)."

Beautifully said.

rozb said...

Probably the same folks who said "You know Mr. McCain, this Sarah chick seems like a solid sure shot! Great family values, governor of our biggest state, and smart, too!"

You see how each one of those points turned out...

rozb said...

Combine the hat with the creepy slow grin in his smoking ad, he makes one feel like they must shower with scalding water and cry...

rozb said...

What is it going to take for the Republican machine to tell Herman to step away from the mic? The next time perhaps he should come out to the theme of "Shaft", stop at the podium and slow grin.

Alvin Milton said...

Wake me when Cirque du Soleil is over

AndreaPlaid said...

I swear Obama's enemies have been trying to find the "white girl" in his background to spring on him, his wife and family, and the public for a minute. (Obama Girl sprang herself in the public, and even she's been side-eyed for causing the First Daughters distress.) Since the only white woman's hoo-ha the good POTUS is remotely familiar with is the momma who got him into this world, this has been pissing off the O enemies to no end.

As for Cain...honestly, that man's been giving the Clarence Thomas Creepies since I first laid eyes on him. And now we're finding out that he has a "white girl"--and several cases of sexual harassment--in his background. I'm thinking Mrs. Cain knows about her and the other women he's (alleged) to have harassed. That's probably why she won't appear in public with him too often. The Smiling Cuckolded Wife is not a good look. (Rf: Hilary Rodham Clinton, Mrs. Elliot Spitzer, etc.)

BklynBajan said...

Totally forgot about this scene!

BklynBajan said...

Didn't think to look on youtube for this. The closing credits:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vvkRcRUkyKw

NY2VA said...

\O/  This made my frickin night!!!!!

JohnKinPDX said...

Thank God for Obama. Herman is such a freaking disgrace he's pushing Obama's poll numbers up. At least he's good for something.

GammasWorld said...

Ya'll killed me with The Jerk references ... that's what I thought of the day Cain talked about his daddy walking 40 miles to school, barefoot and never complaining er uh you know the speech.  "I was born a poor Black child" is all he needed to start that answer with.  

GammasWorld said...

I'm glad you said that ... he gives me the creepy "hell no my daughter is not staying with you while I run to the store" vibe too.  

SpkTruth2Pwr said...

lol haha ma'am you are in rare form!  

Let's add to that...

"If you take a no nonsense approach to everything but your own nonsense, you might not want to run for President."

GrownAzzMan said...

Imma need you to refrain from quoting the-witch-who-shall-not-be-named...LOL

Uh huh Islander said...

This is why I love BnB! 

CaliGirlED said...

Late freight: Let me add my two cents...Bwahahahaha!!!

Marioned said...

I heard this the first time from a very dear old friend of mine that is now now deceased.  He grew up in the South and I am going to be "politically correct" in how I phrase it now. 

 "There are two things that do not last.  A dog that chases cars and a Black man that chases white women!"

Seems to always be true!

C Nelson said...

All I have to say about Herman Cain is this: I'm ALL FOR equality. But why God in his wisdom and the GOP in their desperation thought we needed a black male version of Sarah Palin's candidacy is completely beyond my understanding. The Lord's just going to have to explain it to me when I get to where all my questions will be answered.

LinkWithin

Related Posts with Thumbnails