Back in the day, any time they had a serious or "teachable moment" issue to delve into on a TV show, they would preface it with "A Very Special Episode." Today, we have some real talk for our Ask a Bougie Chick segment. In addition to being Breast Cancer Awareness month, October is also Domestic Violence Awareness Month.
I received this letter a few weeks ago and the minute I read it, I referred the writer to someone smarter than me. Read what she had to say.
Hi Chele,I don't want to talk to my friends and family about this because they will just be too judgy but I know you and BougieLand will tell it to me straight. I wonder if I'm overreacting or if it's all in my head.
I've been seeing this guy for about eighteen months and I think I need to leave. I moved in with him just after two weeks and it was great. But a few weeks later, things got strange. He was very concerned about how I dressed and who my friends were and what I did while I was at work. It's kind of escalated, he calls all the time and doesn't like to be out with my friends or family. He's very meticulous about how we spend money.
He's never been violent except for the one time he balled his fist up but he didn't hit me. He just seems to have some anger problems. Like he's not satisfied with things and he says I'm not trying hard enough to make a nice home. I try not to make waves and keep things pleasant but it seems I can't make him happy. I can admit that sometimes he scares me.
He was always attentive but is it weird to say that I think he's trying to control me? I love him and he loves me but I feel smothered. With everyone saying how hard it is to find a good man, I know I haven't told you a lot of detail but based on what I've said, should I stay with him? Maybe get counseling? We're not married yet so maybe if I have these doubts, I should go.
Am I making too much out of it? What do you think? Did I jump in too quick?-KC
KC- I'm not a professional but just based on what you've said - run. Abuse is not always physical, the signs of an abusive relationship can be found here. Your dude is displaying a few too many for me. When you say he's never been violent, I hear a silent "yet." There are steps to take to extricate yourself from this situation safely. Read more by going here.
Even if he wasn't potentially dangerous (and I think he is), don't ever, ever, ever stay with someone because you're worried about not finding anyone else. The worst case scenario of being alone is quite simply loneliness, and we can get you past that. The worst case scenario of staying with him is the worst case scenario. I hope you'll take the names and resources that I sent you via email to heart and do the right thing for you. Be safe! As you asked, I'll put it to BougieLand.
To find out more or look for resources in your area, please visit the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence.