Monday, October 31, 2011

Run your race, boo



Subtitled - stop worrying about why hoes get chose and why men (who act like) d*cks get the chicks.

I know, I know. Why in the world are chicks who have been passed around more than ganja at a reggae concert winning? They aren't - it just looks that way. And some of ya'll are mad as hell about it.

Why do guys with the emotional depth of a Kmart kiddie pool stay pulling five star women? There's pulling and there's keeping but you rarely hear that part of the story. And some of ya'll are bitter as hell about it.

It really only appears that nice girls and nice guys finish last out here in the relationship hustle. Goodness knows every time I've seen some random ratchet chick booed up with a guy I thought was a catch, I shake my head in confusion. I stay confused by skanky reality chicks that we know have been around the block so much that the block is named after them who appear to come out ahead in the game of love. Not that men and women of dubious background, nature and redeeming social value don't deserve love. Sure they do. It's just hard to see raggedy folks getting their happy while less raggedy folks take up Xbox and knitting. 

But anyone who has ever run track (or dated others who ran track or even watched track once) will tell you that the coaches all say the same thing - don't worry about who else is on the track, you run your race. We need to apply this principle in the relationship struggle. Instead of chicks trying to be more and more outrageous or guys deciding to act hard and play games - everybody should take a breath and just be true to themselves. 

I guarantee ladies, you do NOT want that guy who is out there booing up any damn body... at least not until he grows up and knows better. I promise you men, you do not want the girl who'll date a man who treats her any old kinda way.... at least not until she wakes up and know better. You getting my drift?

Stop worrying about who's with who and who ended up with who you thought you wanted. Life is a marathon not a sprint. Stretch, hydrate and get back out there. 

BougieLand, do you think we can get beyond the thought that "hoes stay winning"? I think the fact that we're calling them hoes keeps them losing, don't you? Can we get beyond the thought that "good guys finish last"? As long as you finish, do really care? Thoughts, comments, musings or anecdotes?

183 comments:

thinklikeRiley said...

I actually have to earn a living today so I'm getting it in early.
This whole post - brilliant.
Quit worryin' bout dem hoes. Dey fo sho ain't worryin bout you.

Troy said...

This is a hard one. I am one of those nice guys who sees the assholes of the world get the chick I'd like to have. That sucks. A lot.

Sasha in Stilettos said...

Le Deep Sigh. I hear you tho. But... why is that? Every wild and loose chick I went to college with is married and/or booed up while my less "free" girlfriends and I are well, waiting to exhale. What's that about?

Jubi The Great said...

I had my own epiphany on this topic a couple of years ago after a good talk with a great friend. And for the most part, I'm able to stay in my own lane...but everyone gets lonely & wonders why they can't/don't have what seems to come so easy to other ppl (and "lesser" ppl if you're a judgy type of person - I'm not but I find a lot of women judge the hell out of "hoes" & think they aren't entitled to love/companionship/etc but that's a whole nother convo)...

It's much easier for ppl to complain & hate on others than it is to reflect & figure out what they are doing wrong & change it. And most ppl are unwilling to do the work it takes to really change their life, starting with just having a positive outlook & staying in their own damn lane.

MsJamie14 said...

Amen. Life is too short to worry about things I can't control. I saw those were in such a rush to get to the "marriage and/or babies" finish line that now it's restraining orders, divorce court and custody battles. Broken and bitter at 35 is not a good look.

Pure Choco said...

Are we defining the term "hoe" or just assuming Kardashian levels?
It's hard to see any level of ratchet consistently booed when you would just like a decent movie date every now and again. But I see your point. Imma work on me.

Just_A_Thought1218 said...

Ha! So much truth, yet so hard to accept. I'm not the only one who's "ho-ish" friends are married, and to decent dudes, while the "nice" women in my circle are all single. Then again, I've never wanted to trade places with any of the women I've know who are/were married, so I guess there's truth to running your own race.

Brandon St.Randy said...

Yeah, no one likes the Mad Dater womping on bout how someone they (but clearly not the person dating them) see as a lesser catch is doing better in the dating game. This is particularly aggravating coming from passive people. If you're not approaching women or tightening up your game as a man, you can't really complain when some bamma who did put himself out there got chose. And if you're a woman scowling in a protective cluster of other women, you have little country to complain that men are interacting with someone who's actually interactable with (yeah. I said interactable. do something).

Think P. Smart said...

Nice girls/guys don't finish last.  They finish with other nice guys/girls.

rozb said...

You make less progress in the race when you are looking backwards seeing what everyone else is doing. Do you, and the benefits, love, and happiness will come your way.

BTW - do people define hoes as winning because of material stuff? Hoes sure ain't winning in the long run. IDK - don't want to trade places with any of them, no matter how tight their shoe and purse game is, or if they are getting out of fancy cars crotch first at VIP clubs.

maureen said...

"don't worry about who else is on the track, you run your race"^ This. Right.Here.

Jesse said...

*takes a glass and lifts it up in the toast position*

Andrea M said...

Nice guys let nice girls finish first. And more than once.
Please and thank you.

FreeBlackMan said...

How many times do you need?

Andrea M said...

How many you got to give?

BlackButterfly said...

"BTW - do people define hoes as winning because of material stuff?"

This right here!  I do think that some do tend to define winning through material stuff.  I have one too many friends that define their ideal of happiness by it.

My grandmother that remained single after her marriage ended used to say that all that glitters ain't gold because it could turn your neck green and then crack up laughing.  Even after some serious relationship fails she would constantly tell me to define my joy by the positive adds not the negative that subtracts.

OneChele said...

Whoa! You two let me get a second cup of coffee before we go here this morning. Have mercy. Happy Monday! #cocoatalk

Slimuel L. Jackson said...

I've never really been 1 to subscribe to the notion that "hoes stay winning." I do, however, think that those involved in things we'd consider hoeish that end up in happy relationships are experts at rebranding their images. They accept what they've done in the past, move on, and create the life for themselves that they want. Men see that confidence and reap the benefits of the reformation and the closed-door shenanigans. Those chicks aren't worried about anybody else either. They're just taking care of their own lives while others watch and throw judgment. 

I do believe that nice guys finish last up to a certain age (and maturity) because of the type of women they're dealing with. It's a compatibility thing. And it does a nice guy no good to try to court a woman that doesn't even know how to separate her wants from her needs yet. And let's be honest, nice doesn't always mean nice when a woman says it. It's a more tactful way of saying the guy was cool, but she wasn't interested. I joke that for a man, being called nice is worse than being called ugly. There are also some connotations around "nice" that are less than savory when it comes to personality characteristics. Hmm, I need to write that post. lol.

Paul on Ice said...

Are you really trying to say that girls don't dig the brothers with just a little asshole in him?

Grace said...

This also falls along those lines when you see a guy with a girl and you're like  How did she pull him? or How did he end up with her? Why worry about it? Neither of them are with you.

I think about those posts you did a while back asking people if they were even relationship ready? How you out here trying to runa  marathon and you're not geared up for a 3K walk? I'm just saying?

Hate will have you finishing well behind everybody else every time.

JoyGrooves said...

I was just about to ask you to define "nice guys" - I'll wait on the post. LOL

blackprofessor said...

As a runner, I cosign all of this "Life is a marathon not a sprint. Stretch, hydrate and get back out there."  Lesson over!

JoyGrooves said...

There's azzhole and then there's confident. There's d*ckhead and then there's direct. Let's not confuse the two. Sure, women like a guy who can put a little bass in his voice and be clear about what he wants. I don't think that makes him a jerk. A nice guy can put please on the end and still get the desired outcome. IMHO.

Kat said...

If it weren't for shows like Bridezillas, I wouldn't even think this....but every time I watch that show, my mind wanders to "so to get the man and get him to marry you, you have to be a total bitch and push every one he ever cared about away? Okay...." 

CaliGirlED said...

"You make less progress in the race when you are looking backwards seeing what everyone else is doing."...Someone in BL commented recently (paraphrasing), "You can't drive forward sitting in the trunk facing backward."

 "or if they are getting out of fancy cars crotch first at VIP clubs." *falls out the chair*

CaliGirlED said...

BAM!!! *holds mic towards FreeBlackMan*

taut_7 said...

great post chele. i don't get why people get so upset at other people's perceived winning. for instance supahead getting married. again. most women i know who had issues with it didn't necessarily want the men she married. they just seemed to not want karrine to win. 

rozb said...

Err...umm...err...FreeBlackMan, what say you?

Marioned said...

 You hit the nail on the head!  It's confidence and not being needy and knowing what you want and going after it and not worrying about what anyone else has.   The so call /use to be hoes  do "this " better than the nice girls, and men love it!

CaliGirlED said...

That will be a very interesting read! Had a guy text me with that nice guys finish last thing. I immediately got on the phone with him. No sir, not here with that! Let's not confuse nice and desperate.

Sol_dier said...

I don't like a man with any type of asshole in him at all. Its a turn off and usually hides really deep insecurities or feelings of low self esteem. I don't really see any other reason to be 'extra' with it.

Confidence, yet kind is really cool. Focused and funny is great. Strong and open minded also appeals

Sol_dier said...

Why shouldn't women who have been passed around win?. Who's to say they are being passed around? Maybe they just like having cocoa regularly and don't want to settle down at that point in time?.

I dunno, I try not to judge other people and their sexuality or lack thereof.  Why we gotta label women who like sex with different people ho's? 

Maybe guys with the emotional depth of a Kmart kiddie pool are pulling '5 star women' because the women are looking for someone easy to get along with? I dunno.

Who's doing the rating any way?. How do we decide the women are 5 star? their looks?, their jobs?. 
I dunno about other folk, as long as people are not being beaten, demeaned e.t.c. then I applaud em.

Just_A_Thought1218 said...

Girls do ... until they mature and know better. Just like boys like the shiny girls until they mature and look for someone with more substance. The problem is people are out here trying to get immature/shiny people to be something they are not. Or getting mad when someone they have their eye on is into immature/shiny people.  Recipe for failure and a huge waste of time. No. 1 requirement for someone to be an option for you is that they are interested in you. No matter the packaging, if the person don't want you, they aren't for you. Build a bridge and get over it and find someone who is checking for you.

SouthernWes said...

I'm a nice guy. I got married first. I had kids first. I married a nice girl. It happens.

CaliGirlED said...

Love this post Chele!

I have stretched and hydrated, now I'm just jogging around the track working on my cardio endurance as I watch others sprinting by me. Not to worry I'll see them on the other side panting for air.

CaliGirlED said...

 Ha!!!

blackprofessor said...

I don't like a man with any type of asshole in him - You and me are here! The quickest way to turn me off is to display asshole tendencies.

blackprofessor said...

No. 1 requirement for someone to be an option for you is that they are interested in you. - This is gospel!! I would add that their interest should increase over time and not decrease.

blackprofessor said...

Nice!

Lisa Hardman said...

Who are they booed/married to?  Dudes that YOU'D want?  What did they do that you didn't?  Perhaps they did/say/indicated/were more willing to accept things that you don't/wouldn't/won't/are not. 

Marriage is MORE than a notion, seriously.  Everything that looks good isn't good for you and there are lots of "nice" people that might not be worth a semi-damn within a marriage.  Stop looking at resumes and look at production.  People send out their representatives for recruitment; pay attention to what they do and not what they say.   I agree with the brother that spoke about "re-branding" - this whole "ho" labeling is extra, especially when you THINK they have what you want.  Guess that whole "hoing" thing worked out, huh?  Whatever THAT is.  Somebody holla at me with a number or an action, because the "ho" brand is MUY expansive.

Brandon St.Randy said...

And Nice guys (girls) don't finish last. Weak ones do. A lot of weak guys use the "nice guy" nomenclature as an excuse for the fact that they're not proactive or refuse to stand up for what they want and need.

SingLikeSassy said...

"if the person don't want you, they aren't for you."

We can end this whole thread right now with that line, right there.

Sol_dier said...

Lets not stereotype all young girls and boys.

As a girl, I didn't like jerks and neither did most of the people around me. I don't even know how that became the norm or perceived norm, but I didn't like jerks back then and I still don't.

I liked risk takers, bold boys, guys who didn't have to follow every single trend, guys I could trade comic books with and go on pretend jungle survival adventures. I had no room for jerks, cos usually they really had nothing to say or do except put other people down.

Sol_dier said...

fellow runner in the house :)

CaliGirlED said...

 THIS!!!

CaliGirlED said...

Does mother of a runner count? LOL

CaliGirlED said...

That's just what I was thinking!

SingLikeSassy said...

A long time ago a guy told a friend of mine who was lamenting why the guys she liked never liked her that women needed to "learn to like the dudes who like them." 

There's a lesson in there somewhere.

Sol_dier said...

'especially to people who are deemed 'less than'.  Damn! compassionate in a man is really sexy to me. 

Earthangel172 said...

"I guarantee ladies, you do NOT want that guy who is out there booing up any damn body..."

This!

"Stop worrying about who's with who and who ended up with who you thought you wanted."

And this!! Nothing else to add.

Sol_dier said...

get those running shoes on Cali.. If I can run in this frigid weather you run in cali :p

NatashaHunter said...

I would offer that heaux aren't winning, but happy people are...  and if that heaux just happens to be happy, well... why you mad? 
 
Whether you are a Maquayquay or Millicent, Michael or Mike-Mike people want to be with people who make them feel good and that they make feel good. That's it. All of that other stuff gets in where it fits in. 

taut_7 said...

don't tell me you were one of the women who got mad at karrine's hustle.

Earthangel172 said...

"most women i know who had issues with it didn't necessarily want the
men she married. they just seemed to not want karrine to win."

In the end, this is what it all boils down to.

Earthangel172 said...

And another one.

C Nelson said...

I'm going to be unpopular today, but when people start whinging about nice guys/girls finishing last, what fills the room is Eau d'Entitlement, and I never did like that scent. You're a nice person? Awesome. But no, really, no particular girl or guy is obligated to dish out the cocoa or anything else to you because of that. This is not kindergarten where you picked all the nice kids first; it's more like college, where you spent time (and maybe even shared your body) with those who shared the interests you were discovering about yourself. Remember crossing your college campus on the way to classes and how many people you saw and didn't give the time of day to? Most of them were perfectly nice people too, but that didn't mean you (or anybody) had any obligation to find out what they wanted and give it to them just because they were nice. We didn't suddenly go back to kindergarten playground rules when we got out of college. Spend more time developing your interests and less time eyeing off the other kids' lollipop and calling him/her names for not sharing with you.

Earthangel172 said...

"I would add that their interest should increase over time and not decrease."

This is VITAL for any relationship. Great point.

Earthangel172 said...

::drops my love offering in the collection plate::

Earthangel172 said...

::hollers::

ClayJones said...

Life is too short to worry about everyone else's wins. See I was always taught that "slow and steady" wins the race.

Jubi The Great said...

Very true...a lot of folks feel like their resume (degree, salary, material things, etc) entitles them to a happy relationship with their prototype.

Ivory Tabb said...

Don't worry about who else is on the track, you run your
race. --- Let me add a few things to this.


 


I have been running track my whole life, track scholarship
in college to the best track school in the country, I coach now and  help folks get ready for races. There is a lot
of truth to this statement but there are some things you need to look at as
well.


You need to run your race but most importantly you need to
know what race you are running and study your competition. Some races are
sprints but are disguised as distance and if you don’t know and understand that
you will get left in the dust. The hardest race on the track is the 800 people
think its long distance but it’s really a sprint two times around the track. In
order to win that race you have to run a very smart race, it’s really just like
dating. You start off fast settle into a groove midway thru then go into an all-out
sprint when you are nearing the finish line.


So you need to know what the other person wants when you
start dating, you need to ask all of the right questions up front. You have to
go into the relationship ready- prepared to be in the type of relationship you
are seeking. You need  to have
relationship status reports to discuss the direction you are headed in. Most importantly
you need to be prepared to walk away if the relationship is not meeting your
needs. Yes that person may be great on paper but just not great for you.   Of course none of this guarantees
relationship success but just like running a race it will help you prepare to
run your race.

NatashaHunter said...

Clawwwd.. you couldn't of waited until Thursday? LOL  ; )

Deb B said...

Ya know, I was about to ask for more details on that "slow and steady" reference but I don't want to get scolded this morning. I'm just gonna say - ain't nothing wrong with slow and steady.
*Hums Slow Hands under my breath*

Sol_dier said...

I don't understand. I seem to have missed something. 

Sweet N Tart said...

I'm not mad at her. It takes a special kind of chick to fellate her way to fame and semi-fortune. :-/

Earthangel172 said...

I can attest to this. There is a girl I went to high school with who falls into this category. She has 2 kids by 2 different men. She has no degree and just recently found employment after looking for 2 years. She met and married this moderately attractive guy that was stable and available. Did I mention that he has a biology degree and no children of his own? He bought her a brand new house of her choosing. On the surface, it appears she hit a gold mine. However, I wouldn't trade places with her to save my life! We met up one night last year for dinner and she let the truth come out. Dude is very mean to her. He constantly brings up her past, treats her kids like crap because they're not his and so much more. So you see, hoes ain't winning! ::shrugs::

Earthangel172 said...

"pay attention to what they do and not what they say."

Now this will preach!

Veronica Miller said...

Oh, Chele! I said this on Twitter the other day, so I'll say it here again...

Every time I hear someone hollering "Hoes be gettin' chose!", I look at who's doing the choosing and I'm like... 

http://28.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lg404g3Sau1qej93ko1_500.gif

Sweet N Tart said...

I see someone has kicked off the "why they gotta be hoes tho" discussion. Rolls eyes.
We can call getaround women whatever politically correct term makes everybody feel better but lets not pretend that there are different levels of sexual engagement and some are more robust than others. Judging happens. That's just facts.

Sol_dier said...

 but when people start whinging about nice guys/girls finishing last, what fills the room is Eau d'Entitlement,

And plenty of times, it ain't even true. The number of times I've been chatting to self professed 'nice guys' who were rude, belligerent and full of some sense of entitlement are simply too numerous.

Like dude, okay, you actually said 'hi' and not 'hey beeyatch'.. ok thats cool. Do you really think you are owed cocoa for that?. And now that I've said politely said thanks but no thanks, you hit me with.. 'oh I bet you like all those thugs'  O_O

You are not a nice guy, you are a jerk who doesn't have the balls to be a thug. 

OneChele said...

O__o I see folks are feeling spicy this morning. Carry on...

Veronica Miller said...

This.

I was just gonna say, if there's anything so-called "hoes" know how to do, it's probably just the art of meeting guys. So... yeah. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Veronica Miller said...

What just happened here?

GuessImJay said...

"Toast for the scumbags"
http://vevo.ly/hNrTfD

Sol_dier said...

urrgh.. compassion in a man is really sexy.  (reminds self to type slower)

GuessImJay said...

Please do take a day to define "nice: because many who think they are... aren't.
I don't have a problem with very sexually active women (see what I did there?) getting their ring on. They won't be Mrs. GuessImJay but I'm not hating. I also don't envy a man for whatever woman he has. If I want one just like her, I'll put out the effort to go get her. If woman is sitting home knitting and dude is sitting home xboxing - that doesn't make them "nice" that makes them unmotivated. And that's not going to help them find any damn body.

It's a pet peeve of mine for guys and girls to say "I can't find anyone" well were you expecting them to ring your doorbell or scoop you up at the Whole Foods? C'mon now. You want it? Go get it.

GuessImJay said...

We see you, Clay.

GuessImJay said...

All. Day.

Veronica Miller said...

Also, is it just me, or does anyone else get HIGHLY annoyed by the "nice" thing? It's like the "classy" thing... if you're constantly trying to convince people of how nice/classy you are, you probably aren't.

And "nice" doesn't win brownie points in my book. I ONLY keep pleasant people around me, so I expect you to be just as pleasant as well. If you want a cookie for being a polite person, kindly have a row of stadium seats.

Ivory Tabb said...

Not if its the 100 meter dash lol!

GuessImJay said...

Errr. Uhhhh.

GuessImJay said...

Man listen...

GuessImJay said...

But aren't you kind of dating a jerk?

GrownAzzMan said...

"I guarantee ladies, you do NOT want that guy who is out there booing up any damn body... at least not until he grows up and knows better. I promise you men, you do not want the girl who'll date a man who treats her any old kinda way.... at least not until she wakes up and know better. You getting my drift?"

The doors of the church are now open. Whomsoever will let them come...

Trey Charles said...

Did you just out your own relationship? *snickers*

Veronica Miller said...

"...is there one? Is there one today...?"

Veronica Miller said...

" If woman is sitting home knitting and dude is sitting home xboxing - that doesn't make them "nice" that makes them unmotivated."And THAT.

blackprofessor said...

I died at fellate!

JoyGrooves said...

He did. And yes, apparently I am dating a jerk. Side-eyes @GuessImJay

blackprofessor said...

Gospel truth!

SingLikeSassy said...

Supa I mean Karrine was just tryin' to make some money to feed her son. Right? O_0

DCbywayofCali said...

I think many are "mad" that heaux's get chose b/c women are raised with the belief that if you don't sling cocoa all over the city then you'll have a better chance of meeting a quality man. Then here comes Cocoa Slinging Sally pulling quality and it throws the whole perception off. 

Sol_dier said...

dig this.

Veronica Miller said...

*falls out*

CaliGirlED said...

"Stop looking at resumes and look at production."...Agreed!

Sol_dier said...

You know, people always get told... wait it will come to you. Biggest myth in the world.

CaliGirlED said...

 Alrighty then!

CaliGirlED said...

"If you want a cookie for being a polite person, kindly have a row of stadium seats. "...Like Carolyn posted in her blog today, people wanting accolades for doing what they are supposed to do! Makes me sick!!!

CaliGirlED said...

Actually Trey you did! LOL!!!

Just_A_Thought1218 said...

Best thing I ever learned as an adult was the fact that the programming my mother instilled in me (degree+salary+natural cuteness = husband + happily ever after) was not guaranteed.

CaliGirlED said...

*ignores Sol_dier*

CaliGirlED said...

Oh no not mad at her at all. Like you said she and I most likely are not going to be pursued by the same kind of men. So I don't feel that she has taken anything from me. Besides I'm not willing to publicly showcase my talents in order to have guys lined up like that. She's winning at the game she's playing, but believe me, she's not happy.

CaliGirlED said...

Exactly!

CaliGirlED said...

Cocoa Slinging Sally can have the men that she's pulling. Eventually they'll get tired of eating where over a billion have been served and look for a five-star restaurant where not everyone has dined.

CaliGirlED said...

*fist bump* for the I Love Lucy reference.
 

blackprofessor said...

Pulls Caligirl out with Sol_dier to start running, lol!

CaliGirlED said...

"...you actually said 'hi' and not 'hey beeyatch'.. ok thats cool." THIS!!!

CaliGirlED said...

*high fives Deb and hums in harmony*

GrownAzzMan said...

*Bougie bruh fist bump*

GrownAzzMan said...

"or if they are getting out of fancy cars crotch first at VIP clubs"

rozb ladies and gentlemen. She will be here all week...LOL

GrownAzzMan said...

"Build a bridge and get over it"

Imma need that on a t-shirt. Black XXL Thank you.

michaeldavis said...

that last line...  All.Day.

Sol_dier said...

lol... yes, we shall convert them 1 by 1! :)

michaeldavis said...

just remember, we like the kind of offering that jingles but we PREFER the kind that folds

michaeldavis said...

um, Sir...a word LOL

GrownAzzMan said...

Must be the Halloween spirit

CaliGirlED said...

Medium please.

GrownAzzMan said...

"If woman is sitting home knitting and dude is sitting home xboxing - that doesn't make them "nice" that makes them unmotivated. And that's not going to help them find any damn body."

In.A.Nutshell.

michaeldavis said...

Chele is single-handedly taking down the "woe is me" element that propels most of black entertainment, one post at a time. The Chitlin-Circuit-Play/Tyler Perry movie mafia is NOT amused.

All I can say is I never wanted another man's woman.  I want everybody to win (w/r/t whatever "win" means to you).  I think some women use the "h--s be winning" meme as a way to justify why they're alone and refuse to up their game. How else are you going to find what you want unless you get off the couch, release the Snuggie, and get out there? The word for today is D-A-T-E

We also have to be real, brothers. She didn't learn all those cocoa-boiling, room-shaking moves from not dating...she had some "practice."  (Allen Iverson tone).   That's life. But do you like her CHARACTER or not; that's what she should be judged on. To me, that's more important. Not whom appears to be winning or not winning.

As far as the nice guy thing talked about below, dudes that were perceived to be jerks are the ones that taught me to be a gentleman, so you kind of get a mix with me. I think I'm a "good" guy..but a "nice" guy? Ehhh let me get back to you.

I'm not sure what else I can add, for Chele has already taken us to church...maybe I'll just read the Sick-and-Shut-In list to close out the service and call it a day.

GrownAzzMan said...

It's always Trey. Anyone else notice that?

GrownAzzMan said...

Well, there are a few things about that perception that need some re-calibration...

GrownAzzMan said...

"All I can say is I never wanted another man's woman.  I want everybody to win (w/r/t whatever "win" means to you).  I think some women use the "h--s be winning" meme as a way to justify why they're alone and refuse to up their game. How else are you going to find what you want unless you get off the couch, release the Snuggie, and get out there? The word for today is D-A-T-E"

Can you say EXCUSE?

CaliGirlED said...

Andrea quit school because of recess! She ain't playin!!!

Jeannette said...

THIS i do agree with.

Jeannette said...

Guess i'm gonna be the only non co-signer here.  We all judge and while yes we should be adopting the "run your own race boo" or "sweep around your own doorstep playa" truth is, we pass some type of judgement towards those things or people that we deep down feel may not be as deserving as us because of ______ or that they are ______.  I'm just being HONEST or might I have an Ego problem? Perhaps.

CaliGirlED said...

I am unmotivated right now, but that's by choice. So I can't be mad at anybody who's out there seeking and finding!

DCbywayofCali said...

OVER a billion served though? iHatechu

ASmith said...

Praise Jesus for this Word today.

ASmith said...

*Stomps*

Praise Jesus for this Word today, TOO!!

Just was talking to a fellow the other day who complained about how nice guys finish last and I said, "did it ever occur to you that the problem isn't with you or being nice, but with the women you pursue?  Maybe you ought to seek out women who like nice guys.  They're out there; I know several, personally."  He was ASTOUNDED at the suggestion.  He literally said, "wow, I never thought about it like that..." and I restrained my *facepalm* and smiled.

People always want what they can't have.  Always.  Forever.  No Heatwave.

Sol_dier said...

shhh he might out the others lol

ASmith said...

I've had those same thoughts.  But with VERY consistent regularity, I see their husband and I'm like "oh, nevermind... you good"

NY2VA said...

There are many, many CORNY brothas and sistas running around wearing "Nice girl/Nice guy" t-shirts, totally misrepresenting who they are.  Corny and nice are not the same thing and unfortunately a lot of people got it twisted.  Bruh, she didn't return your texts because you are CORNY - not because she would rather date a thug.  Sis, he didn't call for a second date because you are CORNY - not because he only wants to date dimes.  People with no conversational skills, no personality, and who are afraid of their own shadows are out here perpetuating the myth that nice guys/girls finish last.  No, it's actually the corny people who finish last because they don't have what it takes to get out of the blocks.

Sol_dier said...

Nah you are being honest, but remember you are speaking your truth not everyone else's and definitely not mine.

Its different when someone asks bougieland to way on their relationship, I'll speak from my point of view, but for me to come down on people like Karrine Steffans ?. erm No.
She hasn't in anyway hurt me, my family or women in general. My judgement would probably be reserved for the men who acted like schoolyard boys calling her all sorts of names forgetting that they were the ones who were desperate to sleep with her and give her nicknames based on her prowess.

She wasn't doing those things alone. She didn't murder a whole bunch of people, she had sex with some rich men who didn't like the fact that either they were married and she risked messing up their money (divorce) or she might have had something to say about their prowess.

her path is not the one I would ever want to take, but I recognise that it takes all sorts in this crazy world. 
So, whilst I won't condemn her, I understand that others might.

C Nelson said...

Yep, that too. It isn't all their fault; our boys learn it because we don't teach them different, but the sheer number of men who can't comprehend that basic courtesy only means a woman probably won't shut the door in their face and want to call the cops in the first ten seconds makes me tired. Although I suppose it's a good way to winnow out the more-likely-to-rape men; a guy who's convinced enough that I owe him something to get belligerent about me saying no in a fairly public setting is one I know to never be alone with in any other setting.

CaliGirlED said...

Love the honesty! We've all asked the question before. But for some people it's a part of their regular routine.

taut_7 said...

yes this is true. but like chele said do women even really want a man who knowingly would wife up someone with questionable scruples?

Marioned said...

But................  There is somebody for everybody.  And often two corny people get together and find love.  

taut_7 said...

wait, how you know she isn't happy? basic chicks (people)  are amused by basic things. 

CaliGirlED said...

I remember commenting on the Hunter/Rabbit post about hunting in the right forest.

blackprofessor said...

over a billion have been served - Dead!

CaliGirlED said...

Muah!!! *snickers*

ShawnSoze said...

I'm a good guy, I'm not always nice. So what does that mean? I think there is someone for everyone. Several someones in fact. It just finding them that's hard as hell.

NY2VA said...

This is true, and when they do it is a beautiful thing... Awkward, but beautiful nonetheless.   

NatashaHunter said...

I just meant that it usually gets heated and off topic when someone brings up the "why they gotta be all dat? " question...but it didn't today... NICE.

Sol_dier said...

She's your queeeeeen to be :) 

but erm get your own donation lol. There's a recession on, a girls gotta save

Sol_dier said...

ohhhh lol. I'll stay away from any heat.. promise.
disclaimer my opinions do not negate those of any other human being or animal.

CaliGirlED said...

Excuse me Sir, but I don't think you're having any trouble! *mumbles* "Several someones? "

CaliGirlED said...

Just from listening to her tell her story. She's happy on the surface, with what she's accomplished, but not happy deep down by what drove her to be who she is.

CaliGirlED said...

That's why I said Cocoa Slinging Sally can have them. LOL

Jubi The Great said...

I agree with the man. I don't believe in the concept of ONE person that is meant for you. Over our lives we cross paths with several folks we could have longterm, loving, successful relationships with. But it comes down to timing & being on the same page at the same time & wanting the same thing with each other. And that's the element that most ppl are missing - not the right person, the right timing.

MsJamie14 said...

LOL. It's like "call out Mondays" up in here.

BklynBajan said...

"You are not a nice guy, you are a jerk who doesn't have the balls to be a thug."

You just made me shout and my church is too bougie for shouting!! Give me a thug over a "nice guy" anyday. At least the thug is real with his and you know what you are dealing with instead of some passive do nothing resting on his accomplishments punk with the flavor of a cardboard box..

Singlelif said...

Ding, Ding...THIS.RIGHT.HERE. ~~  I've always believed that you meet someone you like, who likes you just as much, and you try your best to keep it together without the need for a restraining order..

It's easy to meet the person...it's everything else that needs to fall in place at the right time.

Singlelif said...

I'm still amazed that so many of the rich and famous were so willing to ride that ride after she had obviously been "rode hard and put away wet"by their peers...and wrote about it.  I'm just saying..

Singlelif said...

That works for me  !

Singlelif said...

Now that's what I'm talking about !

Singlelif said...

"learn to like the dudes who like them." <--------Been down that road. A few times..didnt work for me.   The relationships were a struggle, and the subsequent restraining orders cause me to now only check for the guys that like me AND whom I like just as much.  I find that's the scenario that works best for me.

Singlelif said...

Growing up in Bed-Stuy, Brooklyn, we used the "corny" reference alot Especially for the studious boys who couldnt stay outside after the streetlights came on.  Now, as a grown azz woman, I've learned that "corny-dude" pays the bills, and will keep our azzes out of foreclosure, and sitting on a fat azz 401K, while we vacation on sunny islands, sipping fruity umbrella drinks.  I'm just saying...

C Nelson said...

Well, like Lemony Snicket put it: “Fortune” is a word for having a lot of money and for having a lot of luck, but that does not mean the word has two definitions.

An awful lotof those rich men didn't come by that money through their own smarts.

tiffanyinhouston said...

WORD!!!!

keishabrown said...

hmm..
i think everything is a matter of perception.
while for some or many.. the heauxs stay winning IS just an excuse or a not-so-clever way of being bitter.. it can sometimes SEEM like it's the case.

what we're better off saying is that you see what you want to see. change your glasses...

keishabrown said...

BAM BAM!!
*my inner jamaican comes out by banging pon furnace. 

keishabrown said...

exactly.
it flies in the face of dudes ALWAYS yelling you can't make a 'ho' a housewife.
seems like.. you can and some do. 
so...

keishabrown said...

*in my ricky rozay voice: BOOM

keishabrown said...

*fitted tee in purple of course...

keishabrown said...

Men see that confidence and reap the benefits of the reformation and the closed-door shenanigans.
i disagree with this. but respect your opinion. 
they may be good at re-branding, but it's not confidence that they are reaping the benefits of...

keishabrown said...

I'm able to stay in my own lane...but everyone gets lonely & wonders why they can't/don't have what seems to come so easy to other ppl
THIS.

Marioned said...

But we're talking about practice, man. What are we talking about? Practice? I mean, how silly is that?   LOL!!! 

Yeah girl may have practice but so what .  As long as she and her dude  are happy, hell I am happy. 

Some women are  like church folk and somehow feel they are better and deserve better and that attitude leaves right where  they are at!!!

GammasWorld said...

I was enjoying the thread then you threw this in and made me crack up LOL

GammasWorld said...

Not gonna lie -- I've had the "why can't I meet someone" conversation on Twitter a time or two.   I don't really look at it as "hoes get chose" but more as an observation in human behavior.   I look at my friends who are like Bey -- "I can have another you by tomorrow" and do; the ones that can go to the grocery store or Home Depot and come out with a dinner date.  And the two that have gotten married for the third time since I've known them.  It's an interesting observation but also makes me wonder what makes me friends with these women -- we're nothing alike but our differences seem to be okay in the female friend zone ... you do you and I'll be at the library or contemplating at the lake.  In all honesty the ones that really get me are the chicks on Hoarders who stay keeping a man ... with them ... through that nastiness.  

GammasWorld said...

And for the record, Bougieland is like  my girlfriends -- I don't think I have a lot in common with a lot of you younguns here but I absolutely adore hanging out with you and wondering "what makes you you".   This is a fascinating group of people to interact with and thanks for letting this Gamma hang out with y'all.  *note to self put the Merlot back in the fridge* 

Earthangel172 said...

"Eventually they'll get tired of eating where over a billion have been served..."

::puts on my #casketsharp suit because I just died:: LMAO!!!!

ASmith said...

I have the exact same friends and they do cause me to pause sometimes and wonder, but at the same time I know the dirty stuff they're doing behind the scenes and I know why their relationships don't last.  Yeah, you can have another, but he'll be gone in 3-5 months just like all the rest.

Like Chele said, they can get 'em but can't keep 'em and I know why.  I surely don't find pleasure in my friends' pain (that is if they feel any), but whenever I'm wondering why dudes line up to take emotional beatings from them, I can also recognize that I got what it takes to make it last.  No Keith Sweat.

Leo the Yardie Chick said...

"My judgement would probably be reserved for the men who acted like
schoolyard boys calling her all sorts of names forgetting that they were
the ones who were desperate to sleep with her and give her nicknames
based on her prowess."

Thank you! That's the part that got me the most in that whole mess: they knew who she was, what she did, and they also knew (many of them, anyway) that they had wives and families - yet somehow they all slipped, tripped, and fell head first into what she had to offer, and had the nerve to be butt-hurt when she blabbed to the world. She's no role model for me, that's for sure, but she had a LOT of help getting that notoriety. Willing help at that.

Sol_dier said...

Many boys in that game, not too many men. Their wealth just makes them boys with cash.
And seriously boys do that. they organise girls for each other because to them their bodies are expendable. 
The only mistake this time, was they picked a girl who wasn't content to just be their piece for ever.

Bougie Girl said...

I heart this post. Keep on preachin'!

michaeldavis said...

practice...

kjnetic aka Peter Parker said...

as a nice guy, i've made peace with the fact that i will finish last, if i finish at all. it is what it is. *shrugs*

kjnetic aka Peter Parker said...

man...
one of my co-workers got a bouquet from a "friend"...

a couple of us guys asked about him..

her reply? "He's a great/nice guy"

3 of us (black/latino/white - so i cover all sides, lmao) groaned in unison. lololol

CorettaJG said...

I concur!

CorettaJG said...

Say it!

Just_A_Thought1218 said...

Exactly!  But it doesn't even have to go into dude being a douche for me to know I'm good in my own lane.  The main chick that I know who has a, um, "active" past married a really nice dude from a good family with a great career, home, the whole shebang. She was still in love with an ex when they got married, and wasn't 100% happy. He, being a younger dude who hadn't been out much, went through a phase being resentful that he hadn't dated more because chicks came out the woodwork once he got his grown man on. I don't want either of those headaches.

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