Monday, October 10, 2011

Four Weddings & a Funeral - WWYD?


Hugh Grant plays the overgrown playboy in a man's body, Andie McDowell plays the quirky, free-spirited American woman who's not sure what she really wants in a man. Chemistry happens. As do four weddings and a funeral as the title aptly applies. Put yourself into one of the scenes...

It's your wedding day. Finally. You've been there, done that with the whole relationship struggle and have witnessed so many other nuptials you can recite the vows in your sleep. But now it's your turn. You've found the person you want to spend the rest of your life with. As you have a tendency to be late, you find yourself at the church early with nothing to do but wait for the festivities to begin. As you sit there, nervously contemplating your future... that person walks in. The one you thought could be The One if the two of you ever got your timing and geography together.

As you chat catching up on each other's lives you realize... the time is now. Right now at this very moment neither of you are in other relationships, both of you have strong unresolved feelings and you are in the same place at the same time. Small problem though: you're supposed to be marrying someone else within the hour.

I ask you, dear readers: What do you do? Do you go through with the wedding knowing the person you married is your second choice? Do you call off the wedding knowing you are hurting someone deeply? Or would you never, ever find yourself in a situation such as this and the entire concept is silly? Do answer and explain...

64 comments:

Sol_dier said...

Jesu Christi!.  This is quite the conundrum.

So, this kinda means the person you intended to marry was the 'available' one not the intended?. 
I dunno, theres a heck of a lot of deception there (of oneself and the available one). I'd call for the wedding to be postponed better at the 9th hr than a life time of misery, I'd also take time away from both of them.I wouldn't marry the 'one' or begin a relationship right there and then. There's a certain level of decency and contrition which I would show to the other person. 

All of this doesn't matter of course if one person was just being deceitful from jump, they'd just go with their wants anyway.

One can never say never, but I don't ever want to be on either side of this equation

blackprofessor said...

I would call the wedding off and go on the honeymoon to do some deep thinking.  Marriage is too serious to play with and if I am not sure of either person, I don't need to be marrying anyone. 

I do think life is funny like that and can throw serious curve balls when you think you have it all figured out.

Just_A_Thought1218 said...

I don't know. Part of me wants to be a huge romantic (and notice that one definition of romantic means impractical and near delusional in optimism) and call off the wedding to see if me and the one could make it.  Another part of me feels that "The One" was just someone who I had unresolved feelings for, but that was not supposed to be the person that I would marry, and I'd kindly tell them sorry and to leave the church before my guests arrived.  Part of being 'the one' is being there, showing up, and being willing to work through whatever.  I couldn't trust that a johnny come-round-lately really wanted me, especially if they never left any of these other relationships to be with me.  why do they want me so badly all of a sudden?  Why is this urgent like a mf'er NOW the day of my wedding?  You tail didn't hear from a friend of a friend (or through FB) before now?  Boy BYE!

Ok, so I guess I got my answer.  I haven't seen the movie, so I don't know the intricacies of the situation, but I doubt I'd cancel a wedding.  A relationship? Yes. An engagement? Yes. A wedding? Doubtful.

DCbywayofCali said...

"Why is this urgent like a mf'er NOW the day of my wedding?  You tail
didn't hear from a friend of a friend (or through FB) before now?  Boy
BYE!"

Ding! I just don't think "The One" would wait until my wedding day and show up singing "Congratulations" and what not. If it was so serious then he would have tried way before a wedding.

MsJamie14 said...

Stuff like this sounds so selfish to me. I supposedly wanted to spend my life with someone, until "number 1 choice" walks in? Phooey.

I'd have to put on my big girl panties and actually talk to my fiance and tell him what is going on, how I feel and how it's bigger than just cold feet. I'd owe him that much.  As a result, he'd probably dump me and I'd deserve it.

I'd go back to my ex, and karma would bite me on the ass, and I'd end up alone anyway.

End scene.

LOL

Pretty Primadonna said...

I wouldn't call off the wedding. In fact, I probably would not be moved at all. If I still felt so strongly about Mr. Show Up On My Wedding Day (i.e. was so emotionally attached to, and invested in, him that I was emotionally unavailable to anyone else) I wouldn't have been able to be with another man seriously in the first place. When I decide to cut emotional ties, I've decided and that's it. There's no going back...

Brandon St. Randy said...

This actually kinda sorta happened at my homegirl's wedding. She was getting married to a guy we didn't really know. She invited one of my best friends, who she'd previously had a relationship with. Unbeknownst to me, she had invited him in the hope and plan that he would pull a Dwayne Wayne and break it up. My boy didn't go through with it however. She and hubby (who she refers to by the name of a certain Central American dictator) made it about three years before they got divorced. Acrimoniously. So  yeah, maybe a little wedding intervention could have taken everyone's life in a better direction

MsJamie14 said...

Ha...I was waiting for someone to bring up the Dwayne Wayne move!

Just_A_Thought1218 said...

I thought about that too! Except, if memory serves correctly, Dwayne was trying to get at Whitley throughout her relationship to the politician.  The wedding was just the coup d'etat.

maureen said...

That is my thing with Mr. Show Up. On my wedding day son?  That is very selfish of him knowing what he knows.  The best thing do for everyone  involved is to call off the wedding and chalk it up to life is chaos personifed. I will need a STIFF drink though.

Cyn said...

My all time favorite TV wedding.

"Please, baby, PLEASE!"

Cyn said...

While I am a die hard romantic this just smacks of selfishness to me.  I love LOVE & BASKETBALL but I hated that Monica waited until the night before the wedding to make a move on Q.  There is another person involved that has feelings too. 

I would think that the ONE would realize his feelings long before my wedding day to someone else.  Sometimes timing is just bad and people make mistakes but I don't think I'd have much respect for a man who only realizes he truly loves me right before I say I do to someone else.

taut_7 said...

if i'm already to point where i'm engaged to a person then she is not my 2nd choice. she is my first. that person who showed up at the church is no longer my first choice. she's not even a choice. i continue on and marry the woman i love. matter of fact why did she show up anyway? i know i didn't invite her. lol

rozb said...

The feeling for the first person is probably just nostalgia. All you need to do is think about why you weren't together in the first place. Smile and tell the "old one" - "Thanks for the memories, but you need to haul ass. I'm 'bout to get married, and I don't want old lovers messing with the flow of our day." Then have a beautiful wedding with your intended and start your real life, not the fantasy one.

Marioned said...

For me the concept is silly. Yeah there may have been someone that I thought I could have  agreat relationship with that never happen.  But for me if I am at the altar, I have made my choice and I am commited and there is no one else that I would even consider.  No unresolved feelings. But there are others that may make the deciosn to marry someone even though they  have feelings for someone else.

Marriages are based on so much more than just feelings. It's about a strong emotional, and spirtiual connection built not only on love but on admiration, respect,  trust, being emotional safe,and being committed to a relationship

 

Chemistry only lights the fire, but character keeps it burning!!

BlackButterfly said...

I remember the A Different World wedding of Dwayne and Whitley and I remember being so caught up in the romance of it all.  Adulthood taught me that cinematic ideas of what romantic is, is screwed up.

I have to say that this would not happen to me because I believe in letting people know upfront and as often as necessary where I stand.  So the possibility of Ex-SO showing up and professing a realized "unrequited love" for me on the day of my wedding is less than nil.

If I have doubt, not nervousness, but DOUBT about someone or my feelings for that someone...  I am not ever  going to be standing at, approaching or even dreaming of taking vows with them at an alter.  It just isn't in my DNA.  Before I make to the alter to take those vows I am feeling sure about me and them so I would never be running away from that.

thinklikeRiley said...

No ma'am. This shiggity right here iz what you once called "bald-headed barefoot reindeer games" and Riley don't play dat.

C Nelson said...

If I'm scheduled to marry someone else in an hour, the time is not right, and Mr Tardy can crawl back under his rock for however many years.

Grace said...

I would hope I wasn't so clueless as to let it even get to this point but if by some random chance I did, no - I wouldn't marry a person I was feeling was a second choice.

Jubi The Great said...

So she invited your friend hoping he would save her from a marriage she didn't want to be in? Jesus be some self-esteem & the ability to say "this isn't what I want".

Jubi The Great said...

Short answer - I think this is stupid & too Hollywood to ever happen.

If it's my wedding day, I've already made a decision & he is far too late.

Beautifully Complex said...

The concept is not silly. It happens. Many people marry their so called "2nd choice". It's easy to get married. The challenge is to stay married.

I subscribe to this : If you find on your wedding day or nearing your wedding day that there is any person living & walking somewhere on this earth, who could show up & make you even "hesitate"  to go through with this marriage, then you are not ready to marry this person.  You have some unresolved feelings and emotional issues you need to deal with. I also tend to think of it this way, if I was getting married & somehow had the benefit of knowing that there was someone that who could make my intended "hesitate"  I would not go through with the marriage. 

Jeannette said...

That feeling is probably just the bubble guts.  I would still marry my fiancee.  Da hell i look like blowing thousands of dollars cuz he's still in love.. LOL

Mykeia said...

Hmmmmm, if it is my wedding day I am going through with it.  Deposits have been made, love has been promised and there was some connection that has lead me to this day.  If I were to see an old flame on this day the only thing that I want to hear from him is "Congratulations" by Vesta.  
I do find this situation a little far fetched because someone should have been there looking out for your best interests, meaning looking out for wedding spoilers...but that's just my take on things.

Ivory Tabb said...

Here unfortunately is the problem with this scenario plenty
of woman just want the wedding and not the marriage so this happening is not
just in movies. I wish folks would just be a little more up front from the door
and say that yea there is one that got away and we need to discuss how and why that happened. But you wont do that cause you are afraid that the current wont like that either so you need to deal with those feelings one way or another.


What if it’s like the Dwayne situation, he was trying to get
at her the whole relationship wasn’t like he just showed up out the blue, her fiancĂ©
had no clue and Whitley was deceitful the whole time. Folks can play games and
not be honest with themselves for a long while, and other folks feel like they
are obligated to go thru with the wedding especially if it’s the 9th
hour and plans and everything have already been made.


I know folks who know dam good and well they don’t want to
be married to the person that asked them and are even afraid to call off the engagement
because they really want a wedding, so many other friends are married or they
think that this is there only shot at a mate.


As you see I didn’t say a happy relationship in any of those
reasons for not calling off the wedding/engagement. 

CaliGirlED said...

This right here!

CaliGirlED said...

Loved Vesta's voice so much that I almost loved "Congratulations", but the words just didn't sit right with me. You show up his wedding singing this??? Not cool at all! LOL

CaliGirlED said...

I don't see this happening to me because I don't have a "he got away" person in my past. But I believe in the old adage of "never say never". So I could see my response being something like, "I see you're still the same selfish and self-centered person you've always been. Only thinking of your feelings and no one else's. How can I possibly want to spend the rest of my life with you?" *crickets* As I proceed to find out who in the hell left the gate open!

blackprofessor said...

I am so with you. This probably happens all the time and definitely more than we know!

I had a friend that went through this. The wedding was cancelled two weeks before! The issue - he had friended a woman who resulted in him questioning his relationship.  No lines were ever crossed but their friendship put a lot on his mind and he decided he couldn't go through with the wedding.  Today, he is with his "soul mate" or the young lady that was his friend, is extremely happy and knows that though he caused some heartbreak and wasted a lot of money, he made the right decision.

CaliGirlED said...

Shady much?

DCbywayofCali said...

"Chemistry only lights the fire, but character keeps it burning!!"

The above is so appropriate for so many situations.  So many times we blame some mysterious spark for the end of a relationship, our interest in our careers, our lack of time to volunteer, etc when in reality it is our own character that failed us.

GuessImJay said...

I wish I could say that this is some movie shiggity but this happened at my cousin's wedding. Her ex came  all Dwayne-Wayneing and she took off on her honeymoon with the ex, left new dud standing there like "what just happened?"

Wrong on so many levels. I'm not getting to engaged status without resolved any ex-issues.

Earthangel172 said...

x_______________

Javalicious said...

I think the most tragic part of this scenario is the possibility of agreeing to marry someone who isn't your first choice. How depressing is that?

Moni said...

I am a firm believer that if it didn't work there's a reason why.  I also wouldn't commit to someone that I wasn't wholeheartedly ready to marry, regardless of my reasons for making that commitment.  Plus, anyone who shows up the morning of my wedding is way too dramatic for me.  I would happily stick with my plans and marry my fiance.

Sol_dier said...

CaliGirl-gangstalicious-ED wrapped in bougie <- no playing hmm :) lol

CaliGirlED said...

Sol_dier I had to keep it clean, since I imagine I would be in a church and all! LOL!!!...And I'm trying to stop cussin! I really am...But as GAM said some posts back, some people only understand, "MF...!"

Rob said...

Someone would have to get swung on... that is all.

SingLikeSassy said...

A great big hell naw and side-eye to this ish right here.  Why NOW when you're getting ready to marry someone in an hour is it OK to break up a relationship and break a heart (and possible suffer some broken bones) to pursue this one person? Why didn't you dump the folks you were just dating back in the day and go for it?

My grandma says, when a man wants you, he will make a way. If he *really* wanted me, it never would have gotten to where I am one hour from walking down the aisle to marry another man.

SingLikeSassy said...

Are they still together? That's the information we really need to know.

CaliGirlED said...

LOVE the new avi!!! Congratulations to you both again!

ShawnSoze said...

Yeah uh - I'm gonna fall on in here with Sassy and say this sets off the BS meter. Nobody found time any day before the wedding day to holla?
#NoCountryForWeddingDayTapback

Sasha Iman said...

I'm not the type that's hell bent on getting married. To be honest, with the exception of having children (NWNW), the only reason I'm still going to marry should I find a suitable partner in crime, is because of the legal ramifications of not doing so. Soooo, I'd never be in the situation mentioned here.

I'm perfectly fine never getting married so I'd never settle should I chose to do so. I'd pull a George Clooney and adopt long before going with the second best.

* I've never seen this movie, but am I the only one wondering how much of a jerk Hugh Grant's character is knowing good and well he's choice #1 and currently available, yet still he goes to the wedding and wants to be all chit chatty and reminiscent. WDDDA?*

Page Bartlett said...

Can we just call bullshiggity and keep it moving?

CaliGirlED said...

 So not romantic! And that was Roz talmbout that mugshot picture! Thanks for the re-laugh Sassy! LOL

Sasha Iman said...

 Not for nothing but...... all sorts of name come to mind for your home girl off that one move alone. The emotional and financial investment that the man and his family went through for a union that she set up to fail is beyond selfish.

If you want to manipulate someone, that shadiness should be on you. Don't drag other people and their entire family and friends (including yours) into the equation.

rozb said...

Thanks for the mention, CaliGirl!

rozb said...

Nice avi pic! Congratulations and blessings!

GuessImJay said...

Yep but it's only been four months. Time will tell.

Cyn said...

Damn.  Folks really do this.

GammasWorld said...

Let's just say I rewound "Please Baby Please" about 20 times  and clapped right along with old girl in Officer and a Gentleman saying "Way to go Paula" all the way.  Yep, Gamma enjoys an old Hollywood romance every now and then - key word being *Hollywood*.  Real life - especially rolling up on 50 next month - boy bye. 

To be honest though, back in my 20's, I was a closet romantic having spent the better part of my pre-teen and early teen years devouring Harlequin Romances like there was no tomorrow (do they still publish those)?   I loved the *idea* of the stranger in the bar who I immediately connected with and yada yada yada.   But I've always been a skeptic and knew that only happened in movies or books.  

Earthangel172 said...

Someone would have to get swung on...LOL!!!

JoycelynC said...

This is so true! I love those episodes but that 'aint the move in real life.

CaliGirlED said...

 I love that movie! Another favorite is Pretty Woman...Oh wayment, or is it just Richard Gere? LOL!!!

Lady4Real said...

I'm a day late and a dollar short but I just gotta comment.

I know what it's like to be with someone that you know is not your one. I used to purposely date guys that I could stand the thought of losing because I knew deep inside that they were just a place holder. Did people get hurt? Yes. Did I care? Yes. But I knew where my heart belonged and I hoped that he would enter my universe again so that we could get it right, and he did. I didn't get to call of the wedding, he came after the nuptials but I was willung to wait it out, see if the nuptials would dissovle due to death, they didn't but they did dissovle. They dissolved due to his lack of faithfulness so the window of opportuity flung open and when it did I dove through.

You only get one life and the heart wants what the heart wants, a little pain now for great pleasure later is well worth it in my book. So I left the previous husband, quickie divorce and married the current hubs and would do it all over again to get what I have now, actually scratch that. If I knew what I know now I would just go to the love of my life, pour out my heart instead of being a coward and been able to have my king sooner.

Lady4Real said...

Really depressing, clincally depressing, something you do when you are young and lost and hardheaded. Been there, done that, will never let someone else do it if I can help it.

Lady4Real said...

Real life talk, I need to write a book. When he really loves you he doesn't show up. He's all Neyo, "Year of the Gentleman", Fade Into the Background rather you be happy then bring drama into your life like. Then he stays your friend, makes sure you are happy but the second things go south he is there to try to make things go north again and then if they keep going south he stand by and waits out of respect for you and your relationship. Then when there is nothing left but ashes and brokeness he comes in, scoops you up and takes you to where you should have been in the 1st place, with him.

Lady4Real said...

Sometimes its not even that they want the wedding, they just want to "do the right thing". Some people are selfless and selfish which makes for some crazy crap going down.

Brandon St. Randy said...

enh. At the end of the day, she was much more committed to making the relationship with hubby work than he was once they got married. He was a serial cheater and  would roll out for days on end, leaving her with his kids. As with most things in real life, not as simple as black and white.

CorettaJG said...

The avi is hot!

AndreaPlaid said...

...and I hope I can say alla that and look the way you look in your new avi, rozb.

AndreaPlaid said...

::whistles:: 


I sincerely wish them luck.

AndreaPlaid said...

::slides out of desk chair, laughing::

AndreaPlaid said...

It's the hair. I understand, CaliGirlED.:-D

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